#'oh fuck everything is terrifying and life is still hard just in different ways and I'm not as strong or competent as i thought'

[transmasc-tabris]

Hmm

[tachiharastanacc]

Heyyyy love your posts

I thought about this after I read someone else’s post ( I think they called him tragic little f@ck? Not sure)

Imagine after hd reveal, port mafia starts to think back of all tachi’s behavior and words, then it hits them holy fuck this kid has some issues.

Like, there was a time when he tried to ignore his bleeding leg because ‘we got a mission and that is much more important nee-san!’ Or he was very scared of medica examination and when it ended, he asked so baffled ‘..that’s it?’ And I’m fairly sure he at least once said ‘orders make me who I am’ in front of others-probably gin of hirotsu-and they were just like oh, he’s very loyal. But now that they know how young he was when he joined the hunting dogs, they can’t help but feel bitter about that sentence. I think the reason tachi is desperate to follow orders are not only because government shaped him into perfect soldier, but he was desperate for love, affection and approval. Like, his parents told him they wished him dead instead of his brother! That is something sure will leave a scar on a CHILD.

I rlly want tachihara to learn how to be human again with the port mafia. Black lizards and chuuya probably will be the biggest help because, tachi is closest to black lizards-I think hirotsu will be able to be a father tachi never had-and chuuya has been through this. He knows how he’s feeling. Black lizards will be his family, his emotional support. And chuuya will be there, guiding him through the little things-that is normal as breathing to others but so, so foreign for him(them)-and tachihara feel so understood.

(Whoops rambled..if this does not make sense, pls don’t be mad!)

I’m furious actually /j

No, I just completely forgot I had an inbox lol. But yes!! I agree!!

I think the idea of them questioning everything they knew about him also is super interesting. Because they all saw him one way (reckless, brave, a lil dense sometimes), and everything is different when he comes back.

There’s a level of ‘was this all an act’ that takes a bit to get over. But at the end of the day, it’s still their Tachi, just a different side of him. Personally, Hirotsu specifically wouldn’t mind the quiet if he wasn’t worried out of his gosh darn mind.

Also, he 100% picks up on just how much telling Tachihara he’s proud of him affects him when Tachi isn’t trying really hard to act unbothered and cool.

Chuuya just assigning him self reluctant older brother even tho it was fully his idea. Verlaine’s kinda there too, but he doesn’t really know how to approach him in a way that won’t scar him for life (again) so he kinda just follows him around occasionally like some kind of depressed French cryptid.

This is 100% more terrifying than if he just approached him bc Tachihara fully is aware that he’s been stalking him and is convinced he plans on assassinating him.

Please always ramble to me abt Tachi and his families please lol

[hoverboards-and-dragons]

What are you hoping to see in the next season for Hazbin? How do you think they will portray Lucifer and Lilith’s current relationship?

I, for one, am hoping for some Eden and The Fall flashback episodes.

In absolute complete honesty, I like the Fall and Eden being vague, I want blurry references that reveal it was way messier and complex than the prologue implied but leave most details up for interpretation, like it was clearly a traumatizing event for all involved but everyone talks around it in different ways and we never know exactly what happened

i really enjoy the fan discussion around it and I think it carries more weight in that form, I also don't exactly trust the tone of the show to sell the larger than life concepts involved and those are not the moments you wanna accidentally undercut

I want a Dramatic Reunion!! I want Lilith expecting Lucifer to be mad and he's just so relieved she's okay, despite everything I don't need them to be romantic but I still want deep platonic care, not just exes who tolerate each other but like the first person you'd ask to help you hide a body no questions asked level friendship, their love is shaking no matter the form even if they figured they don't work very well together together

I also hope we get rebel leader Lilith, she makes a grand entrance and you can feel the entire atmosphere of hell down to the brimstone changed by her presence, just like 'oh yeah, that's what Heaven meant by threat'

I hope Adam stays dead and haunts the shit out of the narrative, I want Heaven under extreme pressure now that the first man has fucked up so spectacularly, Charlie gets a good long look at how dedicated to cruelty Heaven is capable of being, Eve gets dragged in, Cain, Able and Seth, Lute's vengeance, like entirety of the stakes in frame around how hard this immortal soul crashed and burned and now everything is 1000x more real and more terrifying

Adam and Eve should get flashbacks

More exploration of the concept of freewill, tying back to Charlie's questioning in the good of Heaven, tying back to Lilith arrival

Lucifer doubted the good in hell, a sinner has been redeemed, Lilith will represent the next real hurtle, the only way to be listened to, is to pose a threat because Heaven doesn't care

Just like Lucifer, I hope she's flawed but loving, and far more direct way just a "Charlie, Our People are down here, not up there"

I don't care who's side they come down on either way as long are both are given a good shake

this is getting long I should stop

Illusions to God/Good but not yet a direct appearance

[nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx]

Helpless part 34

"How are you feeling."

"Terrified." Nico whispered, biting his nails. He really needed a smoke but he knew Will would never let him, for fucks sake he didn't even know.

"You're going to be okay, I know you're scared but everything's going to be okay. Just think of it as another three days in the infirmary."

"Mmhm.." Nico thought back to Reyna, he might as well tell him everything that's happening, he didn't want to but he'd rather Will find out through him and not anyone else. "Will... can I talk to you about something..."

"'Course Neeks, is everything alright."

"Well... umm- you know how I don't eat that much? Well... it's- fuck- it's because I can't. Every time I eat I throw it up and just either way... I can't let myself- eat. I- before that I would starve myself... because... I got so fucking used to it." Will pulled the shaking boy into a hug,

"Thank you for telling me, I'm going to help you, I promise."

"Th-Thanks."

"That's what I'm here for Angel boy."

"That's a new one."

"Thought I'd get creative." Will smirked,

"Of course you did Sunshine."

"Nico is anything in particular worrying you?"

"Not really... just- yeah." Nico didn't mention the fact that asking for help made him weak and he felt useless, he couldn't bring himself to tell Will that. The living sunshine grabbed his hand,

"I swear on the river of Styx you're going to be okay." He hesitated before leaning down and kissing him on the forehead, Nico blushed, staring into Will's bright blue eyes.

"Will... last night.. who found out?"

"Jason and Percy, they were going to force you to watch Mean Girls-"

"-Oh I love Mean Girls."

"I never thought I would hear you say that; then when you didn't say anything they got worried."

"Shit... wait... did they tell you about the...?"

"Yeah..." Nico flinched back, covering his face with his hands.

"It's okay, I know they're easy to get lost in."

"They help to not feel the pain..."

"I'm going to help you find a healthy way to cope, I know your life's been hard, believe me, drugs won't make it easier." Oh such a hypocrite, Will thought to himself, relling Nico that drugs won't help when he'd probably smoked more than the rest of camp combined. There's a difference, Nico's worth saving, he's actually fought, him on the other hand, had fought so little times he could count it on one hand. He didn't say anything to him, right now the last thing that he needed was finding out about this shit, maybe if they ever got together he would tell him eventually but right now it wasn't important. Will hoped that would be possible, dating Nico, but he knew that after he realised he was useless he wouldn't give a shit. But he was the one that kissed me... He thought to himself then promptly told that thought to go and fuck itself.

"It's too much."

"One step at a time Nico, you can have as much time as you need. Rome wasn't built in a day."

"I'm not worth it, I have more problems than wor-" Will cut him off with a kiss, at first he was shocked but he didn't back away from him. Will pulled the shaking boy closer to him as his fingers threaded through his blonde hair, he was cold. Nico wrapped his arms around his neck, a glowing brightness shone off his tan skin. He was strong but still gentle as he cupped the smaller boy's face with his hands until they broke appart, both gasping for air.

"Nico di Angelo you are worth everything, never say that again."

***

[redcr9ssnine]

i do think kankris definition of "trigger" is pretty deeply distorted, i don't think he realizes it's a PTSD/mental health term. considering how anti-negativity beforus is, and also that highbloods are expected to constantly coddle anyone below them both in a systematic sense and in a social coddling silly sense while also being forced to repress any actual anger they may be feeling, i can see "trigger" meaning two different things on beforus (that parallel how they're seen in real life, which is the purpose of beforus in the first place)

Something that deeply deeply upsets a lowerblood troll and sends them into a tantrum that needs to be coddled, typically used in a sense of "oh don't trigger him, i don't want to deal with it." and seen as a sort of ridiculous oversensitivity towards something in lowbloods.

Something that sends a highblood into an improper explosion or negative mindset that can make them more probable to lash out or less likely to coddle those below them and do something violent instead. This is typically seen with more importance because the highbloods can actually do something about it beyond having a "Fit" but it also drastically effects their social credit; it is embarrassing and taboo to have a tantrum as a highblood.

I believe this is why Kankri brings up the slur discourse in regards to Mituna calling Meenah a wader despite it being a class based insult specifically punching upwards. In my interpretation at least, Kankri isn't so much telling Mituna off for hurting the feelings of Meenah, but is telling him off for not being MINDFUL of Meenahs feelings, which could have lead to an undesirable situation if she were triggered. It's his way of warning Mituna to watch his tongue around someone of power, and also why he gets so frustrated when Mituna absolutely refuses to listen.

I think he puts stake into both definitions. He cares for lowbloods who have triggers because he is constantly constantly being categorized as overly sensitive, whiney, and unpleasant for trying to communicate his needs. But due to the fact that he's a red blood and EVERYONES higher than him, he still sees them that way, and has a hard time relating to any of them or wanting to give them his sympathies. Again, Mituna for example, he cares a lot less about triggering Mituna because... Mituna is Mituna. He literally has no power to do anything about it TOWARDS Kankri, but also, Kankri still views him as higher and more privileged than he is, and gets deeply frustrated at Mitunas lack of social graces to keep himself safe, as well as Mitunas refusal to HIDE how disabled he is. He thinks it's pretty insulting that Mituna is implying that anyone cullable or disabled should be THAT incapable of taking care of themselves. (masked autism vs unmasked autism)

But I also think he cares a LOT about triggering highbloods specifically because it can directly impact his safety, and even if he himself has never experienced intense violence due to this (or at least if he has, it was very infrequent) he has constant visions of it through the signless and it fucking terrifies him. He cares a lot about not triggering anyone he thinks could drastically hurt him or impact his life in any way because he thinks if they're triggered they have the full right to do anything to him back in their emotional state. Which I believe is also a mindset encouraged on Beforus.

this is all just high edible ramblings. my point is i think beforus believes that highbloods should have their asses pat so they don't explode and kill everyone, and lowbloods should be placid and have everything done for them because theyre sooooo cute and sooooo helpless and soooooooo stupid. and while kankri doesnt agree with these mindsets he definitely interacts with the world through the lense of beforan politics, assuming everybody else does too. he thinks everybody has the same context that he does, and he doesn't understand that he actaully lacks a signifigant amount of knowledge and perspective

[plague-karm]

Hadalpelagic Zone Part 7, Valen accidentally spills the beans to someone and funnies ensue.

The trio were having breakfast together and the air immediately felt off, Valen (someone who normally made the most effort to talk to everyone aside from Bentley) looked really guilty, like he had done the unthinkable, Lena finished her pancakes and turned to her anxious friend.

“Val what’s wrong? You haven’t eaten anything…”

“Yeah you’re normally pretty cheery at this time what’s going on?”

“O-Oh it’s nothing! Nothing at all!”

They heard a noise coming from the basement and Lena went over to see what it was, only to be towered over by Sebastian, she tilted her head as she looked up at him. He normally wasn’t awake at this time so she was a little surprised to see him.

“Hello”

“You look different”

“It’s my work outfit”

She was wearing a black blazer with a matching black pencil skirt, she even had a small white ovular badge that said “Lena Draxler, Head Accountant” she looked very proud of herself as she gave a small smile

“Right…”

He slithered behind her when he saw Valen bearing a really anxious smile

“…What’s his problem?”

“M-MY PROBLEM?! I HAVE NO PROBLEM! WHAT ARE PROBLEMS ANYWAY?! THAT’S JUST A MADE UP WORD! NOTHING ELSE!”

His eyes were twitching incessantly

“…You’ve done something”

“NOPE- NO NO I HAVEN’T I SWEAR!”

“Valentino Garcia you’re gonna tell us what the hell is going on because I have work in half an hour and I don’t want to be late, whatever it is we can work through it together”

“You three can work through it”

“No you’re joining us you live here you’re one of us that’s the rules”

Valen took a deep breath

“You know we all made a promise to NOT tell anyone about Seb…?”

“Yeah…?”

His anxious smile grew even more and Bentley caught on to what was happening and his face dropped

“You told someone didn’t you?”

“Yes…?”

Bentley and Lena lost it

“VAL WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“THIS ISN’T JUST A RANDOM SECRET VAL YOU’VE JUST PUT OUR FRIEND IN DANGER!”

“YOU KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN IF HE GETS FOUND?! HE’S GONNA GET CHOPPED UP! FOR FUCKS SAKE VAL YOU HAD ONE JOB!”

Although Sebastian looked annoyed at their shouting on the surface, he was actually a little terrified, he had only started getting used to the surface again, if he ever had to go back there…he wouldn’t be going down without a fight, so he put on his regular facade

“Well if you’re going to go around telling people, you might as well tell us who it was right?”

He looked beyond pissed, Lena put her hands on her hips as she questioned Valen further.

“I know it’s hard keeping secrets but this isn’t JUST a secret! It’s someone’s life!”

“Who the hell was it Val?!”

“IT WAS ELLIE!!”

Bentley and Lena looked at each other and their frustration quickly boiled down to indifference

“Oh”

“Why didn’t you say that in the first place?”

“Yeah we thought you told someone who was gonna snitch”

“I’m sorry- ARE YOU JUST GOING TO FORGET THAT HE TOLD SOMEONE?!”

“Ellie’s good at keeping secrets though”

“Yeah, when she hates someone she spills to everyone but we’re cool with her so she keeps her mouth shut. She’s more of Lena’s friend than mine and Val’s but she’s good company ain’t she mate?”

Valen was still shaken by the confrontation from earlier so he muttered out a simple.

“Y-Yeah what he said”

Dear god they were going to be the death of him, he had to take a minute just so he could calm down, the way they took EVERYTHING in stride was as amusing as it was irritating, he sometimes wondered how they were still alive.

“I’m leaving for work now”

He hissed loudly until he realised it was Lena

“Oh uh…okay? Why are you telling me?”

“Just wanted to”

“Fine…as long as you don’t go around telling everyone in the office that you live with a monster than I don’t care”

“You’re not a-…”

She sighed

“Okay”

Lena said goodbye to everybody, leaving the guys alone to discuss what just happened

“Okay it’s a relief that it was Ellie but you’ve gotta be careful mate, if the wrong person finds out…”

“I know! She cornered me! You know how she is when she corners people!”

“That’s fair, but still, you know about the shit he’s been through”

“That file doesn’t even cover HALF the “shit” I’ve been through…”

“See?”

“Look I’m sorry okay I-I just get really jumpy whenever it’s brought up and I try to stay calm but-“

“All you can see are the eyes?”

Valen nodded, Bentley wrapped his shoulder around him and dropped any trace of cockiness, he knows how hard it’s been for him since they all came back to the surface, and regardless of some of his…less than thought out decisions, Valen was like a little brother to him, a little brother he could still protect.

“Don’t let them win…I know it’s hard but don’t, living despite it all is the ultimate act of spite…my dad taught me that”

“Yeah I know…you say it all the time”

“The old man had good sayings alright?”

“…”

“…You’re not weak either, I’m pretty sure guppy was acting just like you when he was in there for the first few months”

Sebastian nodded, he still wasn’t at the stage where he could verbalise his vulnerabilities but he was getting there

“The fact you didn’t get killed is a divine miracle”

“See? Even he agrees-“

“Buuuuut if you didn’t have the other two you would’ve been doomed just like everyone before you was~”

“…Right we’re still getting there on the positive reinforcement- but you know what he means”

Bentley hugged him

“We’re gonna get through this mate…I promise…”

Valen hugged back

“Thanks…”

Sebastian watched from a distance as he counted up the money he made from last night, the people in this town were more desperate than he thought, keeping the loot from previous expendables was genius, now he could sell everything he wanted, he even got traded decent things (the guy’s like a magpie with gills, he loves his gold). Bentley took notice of this and tapped Valen so he could see it too.

“Fucking hell…you’ve been busy”

“I hate giving you credit but that cloak idea was genius, no one can tell I’m not human”

“Call me a genius again~”

“Don’t push your luck”

“All of this from one night…?!”

“I only travel to the more desolate places in town to draw less of an audience, the damper the better”

“Woah…”

“Have you seen the posters around?”

He had, the cloak he wore hid a lot but since his silhouette clearly wasn’t normal, he was slowly becoming an urban legend in town, thankfully it never got any further than a few rumours that got thrown around and few posters and news articles here and there (those of which had pictures of extremely low quality). He realised that it could bring more business in for him so he played it up, scaring people was actually a guilty pleasure for him, ESPECIALLY if it was someone who irritated him, it was like a rush he couldn’t get enough of. Does he want the people he cares about to see him in that way? No, not really, he had been deprived of warmth and compassion for so long that losing it a second time could break him, but hey, he was a monster right? Might as well play the part when it benefits him.

“I’m not surprised”

“You seeing your mom tonight?”

“I’ve already made my quota this week so yeah, I wouldn’t miss her cooking for anything”

“Her food IS amazing”

“Yeah”

The three continued talking for a while. Sebastian was still getting used to this, having normal conversations, living instead of surviving, making sales because he wants to and not because he has to, living with people, people who didn’t fear him (for the most part, Valen still got a little jumpy around him). He didn’t know how to feel about it, Bentley might be a constant thorn in his side (for some reasons he couldn’t even control), but if they didn’t meet, he probably wouldn’t have seen his family again. So he was grateful for that…would he ever say that to his face? Hell no, but it’s something they both subconsciously thought.

Lena came back from work a few hours later in a state of stress, she was shaking a little and she immediately sat with Bentley to have a shot of the nearest vodka she could find.

“GOD THE CHARTS- THEY DIDN’T LISTEN TO THE CHARTS-“

“Really? You know it’s bad when you’re day drinking, you only do that after we-…you know what? I’m not even gonna finish that sentence”

She was gripping her hair and rocking back and forth, Bentley held her hand

“You wanna go up for a bit to cool off?”

She sighed deeply and shakily stood up

“Yes”

“Can you get up alright?”

“Yeah I’ll just hold onto the banister it’s fine…”

Lena went upstairs while Bentley turned to the duo that were currently preoccupied with Cerveza Cristal.

“Right considering Lena’s on the verge of killing someone because members of the company keep fucking up the budget you have to keep the amount you’re spending on this shit to yourselves”

“Noted”

“She can’t be THAT bad when she’s angry-“

“She punched a wall through our old apartment because the neighbours wouldn’t shut up once”

Bullshit. There’s no way.

Every time him and Lena talked she had been the most rational one, she’s the most tolerable one! Yeah she got stressed sometimes but so does everyone! And she looks so fragile and pale! How could she even do something like that?!

“It’s some scary stuff…”

“…Are her legs okay? I saw her shake a lot on the way up”

“Oh she’s fine”

“Do any of you know what condition she has?”

“…Now that you mention it…I don’t think she’s ever told us what it actually is”

“Yeah, I always thought it was just a chronic illness”

“She only started having those issues when she moved in with me all those years back, back when we were kids she was fine…”

“Huh…should we ask her about it?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, she gets really uncomfortable talking about the reason she ran off…”

The three sat in silence until Valen’s phone started ringing

“Shit-!”

“What?”

“It’s Ellie!”

Panic immediately spread until Valen answered the phone, Sebastian could hear Ellie talking on the other line since Valen had her on speaker…to say he wasn’t expecting the tone would be an understatement. She sounded really airheaded, but also cunning, like someone who could ruin your life while bearing the most innocent of smiles.

“Sooooo I had an idea!”

“What is it…?”

“Why don’t I visit tonight! I wanna see what the guy ACTUALLY is y’know?”

Bentley immediately grabbed the phone and interrupted

“ELLIE YOU CAN’T COME OVER TONIGHT!”

“Oh hi Ley-! Wait…why not?”

“Lena had a bad day at work”

“Oh…I’ll just bring the essentials then! Byeee!”

Ellie hung up before he could say anything. Bentley’s eye twitched and Sebastian followed suit

“Will you two excuse me for JUST a minute…?”

He slithered down to the basement and all Bentley and Valen could hear was muffled screaming

“…Wait I thought everyone was okay with Ellie knowing about-“

“KNOWING ABOUT AND SEEING HIM ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS VAL!”

The hours passed by, Lena had come downstairs in her robe since she was still tired from earlier, she was sitting with Sebastian and muttering her frustrations into his arm, he just let her, he didn’t know why he was fine with this, but he was.

“And then the just told me the charts meant nothing? HELLO??? IM THE ONE WHO’S MAKING SURE YOU DON’T GO BANKRUPT???”

“Mhm”

“NEW HIRES MAKE ME WANT TO PULL MY HAIR OUT!”

“I bet they do”

“I’VE WORKED THERE FOR THREE AND A HALF YEARS AND THEY ACT LIKE THEY’RE BETTER THAN ME!”

“They’re not”

“EXACTLY!”

She sighed

“I’m so tired…”

“Still?”

“Yeah…sorry…I’m just…I don’t know”

“It’s fine, you’re not climbing all over me so I consider that a net positive”

“Okay…”

Valen was pacing as Bentley ate his dinner

“She’s coming in thirty minutes”

“Who?”

“Ellie”

“It’ll be nice to see her after the day I’ve had…”

Sebastian looked down at her and whispered

“If you don’t see me after today you’ll know why…”

“Don’t worry”

“I’m not”

“You are, you don’t have to lie”

“…”

“Ellie’s a lot of things, but she’s not a snitch, I’ve told her things that I’m taking to the grave and she hasn’t said a word about it”

“She’s subtle right?”

Everyone heard that last comment and looked away awkwardly

“She’s subtle? Right?”

“…Well-“

And as if right on cue, Ellie burst through the door. Dear god, she was the OPPOSITE of subtle, the pinks, the hair, the outfit, she wasn’t just a friend of theirs…she was clearly VERY successful, if she ended up ratting out his existence to anyone, he’d be doomed.

“Hiiiii~! Sorry it took me a while to get here but it took me forever to find a parking space that fit my car!”

She greeted everyone with hugs and smiles until she finally took notice of Sebastian, she paused in the middle of her sentence and immediately took her sunglasses off.

“Since when did you guys make friends with an alien?”

“He’s not an alien, he’s a creature, there’s a difference”

“You know how we got kidnapped?”

“Yeah?”

“Well we found him and when the place collapsed we made sure he got out with us”

“Which is her way of saying that we hauled his fat ass into the back of the truck we used to escape and he’s living with us now”

Ellie walked up to him, Lena did a hand sign that basically meant “don’t touch him”, she nodded in response

“So what are you? Some kind of fish?”

“Multiple kinds”

“Ooooo like what?”

“He’s part mantis shrimp”

She gasped

“OHMYGODOHMYGOD- PUNCH SOMETHING!”

“Why is that ALWAYS the thing people get excited about…?”

“Bullet punches are cool”

He sighed, this was at least the tenth time he’s had to do this demonstration, Bentley quickly went outside to get a random stage prop he had lying around

“Aren’t you going to use that for something?”

“The production got scrapped”

“Okay”

“Will you do the honours~?”

“Oh for the love of god-“

And in an instant it was broken into the tiniest little pieces, Ellie was enamoured by this display of nonchalant brutality

“WOOOWWWWW do you kill people? Because I have like, an ENTIRE list of people who deserve that kind of treatment”

Of course she was just as brainless as the others, that was probably a rite of passage, whoever they let in begins to share the same amount of brain power…oh god…what if that’s already happened to him? He’ll have to ask his mom about it later.

After a while of back and forth Lena was speaking to Ellie about the whole situation.

“Just-…please don’t say anything, he went through hell and…I don’t want him to suffer anymore”

“His safety means a lot to you, huh?”

“Yeah…?”

“Okay, I won’t tell a single living person about the abomination of science and nature living in your basement!”

“…Thanks?”

“You’re welcome!”

Sebastian eventually left to go and visit his mom, Lena noticed that he left something on the side for her before he left, the box had a few smalls dents in it but it was still intact regardless.

“Migraine tablets…”

That night when Bentley and Valen went to sleep, Lena and Ellie stayed awake downstairs to talk since they haven’t seen each other in person for so long, and while the conversation started normally (gossip here and work updates there) it quickly turned into something a lot more sentimental.

“You seriously still haven’t told them what happened?”

“No?”

“Len-Len you know they’re not gonna judge you…what those assholes did to you back then wasn’t your fault…”

“I know…I just don’t want them to see me as helpless because I have some parts of me missing”

“Lena…”

“…”

Ellie held her hands and kneeled on the sofa beside her, she’s the only person Lena’s told about what she went through back then and while Ellie will gladly take that secret to the grave, she wishes she’d at least tell one of the guys what happened to her all those years ago.

“Hey, they won’t, the guys love you, you’d all die for each other…I don’t know much about the freak of nature living in your basement but he really likes you too, it’s not every day a creature from the black lagoon gives you migraine tablets”

“…Yeah, I want to say to him that I kind of know what it’s like to be used like that…but I don’t, I’ll never know what it was like for him and he’ll never know what it was like for me…”

“…Have you gotten the scars checked?”

“Yes”

“Professionally?”

“…”

Ellie threw her hands up in frustration.

“Dammit Lena they could get infected!”

“Don’t like hospitals…”

“I know but-!”

She sighed

“Fine, I’ll do it, the others are asleep, no one’s gonna come in”

Ellie brushed Lena’s hair out of the way so she could look at the scars, she had indent scars running down her neck down to her shoulder blades. The space behind her ears was completely black out, like it was a dead flower bed that couldn’t be recovered, there was also a very faded scar around her neckline, it was hard to notice from a distance, but it was there. Ellie sighed

“Please tell me you’ve been taking stuff for all this…”

“I have, I’m dumb but I’m not that dumb”

“I know you’re not dumb…”

“But…”

“But what?”

“I sometimes wonder what I’d be like if I didn’t have parts of me scooped out? If I still had my entire mind intact…”

“Hey, no matter what your head looks like in there you’re still a good person out here, and you know the only reason I want you to tell the guys is because I care, right?”

“Yeah I know, you’re great”

“I am, aren’t I?”

“Yeah…do you want to stay here tonight? It’s really late…besides no one’s gonna fire you if you’re late for a shoot nepo baby”

Ellie playfully shoved her as they went upstairs

“Oh my god shut uuup! I worked hard to get where I am!”

“Worked hard for that hair dye too?”

“Hey! No one can know I’m a brunette! Remember! Strawberry blonde is always the next step forward!”

“Ha”

Ellie eventually went to sleep in the guest room, Lena took two of the tablets Sebastian left for her before she got into bed, she was thinking hard. She had no idea why she was so scared of telling the guys about the operations, Ellie was right, they weren’t her fault, she was the victim of someone’s twisted mentality that everyone would be okay if they poked around in their brains enough. But still…she was nervous, she went to sleep in a state of worry and discomfort…

Thank god she didn’t have work tomorrow.

[maid-of-time-writes]

Absolutely love the way you wrote eridan omg!!😩 Do you have any general relationship headcanons for him?

Oh wow, people actually liked the Eridan hc’s!

I could try general hc’s, tho I won’t guarantee they will be great TwT

————————————

General Eridan Relationship Headcanons

————————————

* This relationship would most likely take a lot of time and effort, Eridan’s personality is full of false bravado and colorful insults but since he genuinely loves you he would try his best to tone it down and be better about it.

* He’ll try to change himself for the better, learning how to be more genuine and just nicer in general, it’s hard but he’ll do it for you.

* At first he may act high and mighty if you’re a land-dweller. He acts as if he’s doing you a favor, as if you need to bask in his presence.. though slowly but surely he’ll warm up to you and realize that you may not be so different after all.

* When his mask breaks and you can genuinely trust each other he’ll start showing that he’s excited- yet apprehensive. He doesn’t know how this will go and that worries him, but with your help he’ll pull through.

* Like in the cuddle headcanons, he absolutely loves ranting about his interests and being genuine for once. It feels good to let down his walls and actually talk to somebody who cares about him. Of course he’d listen to your interests too, absolutely lovestruck and gazing at you (or the text on the screen, depending if it’s in person or not) with heart eyes, resting his head on his hands and leaning in on the table listening to your every word.

* He tries not to make everything about him, wanting to make you feel wanted too. If you want to do something with him then he’ll do it, dates are very frequent with the both of you typically choosing where to go.

* Of course he still occasionally acts “holier-than-thou” but now it feels.. less defensive, and if you were to point it out and joke about it he would only get flustered, not genuinely angry because now he trusts you.

* I love the whole “Eridan gets flustered over liking things” scenario but I also absolutely love exploring how it would feel to Eridan if he genuinely could trust someone, if he could let the walls he’s built up his whole life down around a single person who’s done nothing but love and care for him, and for that he would be eternally grateful even if he doesn’t show it.

* This dude is super clingy omg

* Whenever you two go out he will be holding your hand the entire time as a subtle way of saying “fuck off I’m dating them”

* He’ll also get jealous easily rip </3

* If anyone tries to flirt with you he’ll get super defensive about it, the troll would know not to mess with him after that though seeing as he’s a fucking Violet blood (which omg that sounds terrifying now that I’m thinking about it)

* As a violet blood he’s very loyal to you, willing to go through hell and back to keep you safe.

* He’s so happy that he met you, he can’t believe someone as amazing as you is his s/o <3

————————————

I don’t feel 100% confident about this TwT might’ve gone a bit too far with the “trust” thing. If you have any criticism or advice please let me know!

[stenshale]

@a-gay-bloodmage GLADLY. putting it under a cut because the thoughts are Many

okay. lets say you're brosca. you're casteless which means everything is gonna suck forever unless you con your way into high society somehow. both your dad and you sister's dad walked out which means you're double fatherless. your best friend is kind of a dick. you and your sister are under the thumb of your town's fantasy drug pusher. and worst of all, your mother is an alcoholic who does not fucking like you even a little bit. she's mean, she sucks, you have to make sure she doesn't drink herself to death. she blames you for all of that. whatever. fine. that's life.

now let's say, through some real looney tunes bullshit, you manage to get out of dust town AND join the grey wardens AND ensure your sister and mother's safety and prosperity. great! this rules! the sky is fucking terrifying but honestly you can cope with that because you're out, dammit! you have friends that don't suck! no one up here cares that you're casteless!

you're living the high life for, like, two whole days. then you almost die, you almost die again, your cool recruiter dies, the fucking KING dies?, and the new acting king says you and your new best friend, the only other living grey warden in ferelden apparently, are public enemy number one. sucks. back to being a social pariah.

oh and there's a fucking blight and you have to kill an archdemon. also very cool. dust town isn't looking so bad right about now. lucky for you, because of some legal shenanigans (that, mind, you do not fucking understand because you have only been in this country for a week, and even in your hometown you weren't exactly rubbing elbows with the lawmaking elite), you get to go BACK to Orzammar. you get to visit home!

your sister is married and has a kid which is awesome. her husband seems to take good care of her. you can make him king if you want, because that's the influence you have over people now. deciding elections. weird! a couple months ago you barely had a say over what you had for dinner at night.

okay. now let's say you're specifically bosca brosca, and you want to be a berserker soooooo fucking bad. like so terribly awfully bad. you're back at home and you just want to hit things really hard with your big sword. you're also probably nonbinary but you've got too much on your plate to focus on that right now so it's not a concern. gather army first, then kill an archdemon, then gender stuff at some point. if you live. which is looking less and less likely the more you learn about surfacer bullshit.

there's a berserker dwarf in Orzammar who can teach you, though! cool! except he's mean. and he sucks. and you have to make sure he doesn't drink himself to death. and his relationship with his wife (who you come to hate for different, golem-related reasons) seems, to put it lightly, a fucking mess.

and you are not a hateful dwarf. no more than any other duster. living casteless for long enough, seeing the bigwigs in the diamond district, it turns anyone into a bit of a misanthropist, sure, but you're pretty tame, considering.

you hate oghren, though. from the MOMENT you see him. he's loud and you want to drown him, probably, and you had better get out of Orzammar quick because if you don't find running water to stick his head under, you're probably just gonna settle for lava. not a good idea. he still has to teach you berserking.

and so you do. and he does. he's good at that and drinking and not much else, and you kind of wish he was bad at the berserker part, too, so you could say the asshole never did a damn thing for you. but you can't.

and then he gets too drunk, even by his standards, and you haul him back to his tent, because that's what you do, you wait until the people you... know? are broken enough that you can sweep up the pieces and pretend you did them a service. you're not going to fix anything, but you can try and stop it from getting worse. you can make sure he rolls onto his side and sit by the fire, close enough to his tent to hear if he starts to get up in the middle of the night but far enough that you can pretend that's not exactly what you're doing.

and the healer, who drinks him under the table but does it in a quiet way that makes it hard to hate her about it, tells you that you're awfully gentle with him. it's a question and an accusation and you dignify neither. you don't even agree. it's not gentleness, it's necessity, it's maintaining a family team, it's what you do. you don't tell her that because she'll only give you that look she gets when she knows more than you thought you said.

if you knew who pavlov was, you'd draw some connections. if you knew who your father was, you'd draw some other connections. but you know neither of those men, so you hate him in a way that sinks its teeth deep in your chest and stays there.

and then you kill an archdemon and become a living paragon and raise house brosca out of castelessness and get married and act as the advisor to the king of a country you AREN'T EVEN FROM! and you think you're rid of him for good until you go on a grey warden mission and guess who fucking pops up.

[parad-ice-lostandfound]

Things that come in my head as I play through Diasomnia's chapter (chp 38-55):

[Potential spoilers below darlings, proceed with caution!]

Am I ready for this? Hell no. Do I know I will regret everything? Yes. Am I still gonna try to finish everything in one day? Yep. Let's go!

Ortho??? Calling from RSA??? Is this Idia's dream? Malleus?! Cute to see him taking care of Drago but like the tiny details showing that its actually a dream? And Idia's catching on! Slowly but hey, progress is still progress! It's also nice to see how things could be different if og Ortho was still around.

Where are we? Why are there terrifying ghost like things on the windows? Is this Ramshackle dorm before it became, well, Ramshackle as we know it now? I am so confused now lol– Wait we're in Mickey's room?! How'd we get on the other side of the mirror? We're all having an out of body experience... I dunno how to feel about that tbh.

Silver! My baby's here! And we get to see his UM!

Have I ever told you guys how much I like Malleus' humming? Cause I like it very much. But anyways... we're in cyberspace now...? Oh Ortho! Ortho's awake! Poor baby's trying so hard to wake up his brother.

It's kinda scary seeing how powerful Malleus is. Like, to the point where he can force even Styx issued gear into shut down mode, he's seriously overpowered. Can't wait to see Idia continue the trend and become the hero in this tale, but there's a lot of heart ache we need to go through before we reach that point so, best of luck to all our poor hearts.

I wonder if there's any particular significance to the fact that the time is stopped at 9:18.

So we finally meet Idia's dad, huh? His helmet reminds me of Hades' Helm of Darkness. And we meet his mom as well. A lot of technical stuff and lore drop that went a bit over my head, but it's fine! We'll be fine!

Seems like eccentricity is the middle name of the Shroud family. Then again all geniuses are a bit eccentric. Poor idia, his mom definitely snooped through password protected folders. I would riot if my parents ever snooped through my laptop, so I can't wait for him to wake up and proceed to lose his shit over it lmao

Ortho's Cerberos gear and the two support droids are so cool! The little family moment is cute, but I hope this isn't a death flag for poor Ortho because I've seen too much of that trope– Now we're back with the Prefect! Ngl, Silver's kinda hot when he orders us around.

Dreams are a very tricky subject, so I don't blame Silver for not knowing much about how his UM works. That being said, I'm ready to learn a little more about Sebek, now that we're in his dream. I'm not his biggest fan atm, but... let's see. I'm hoping my perspective on him changes because he seems like a fun character to explore.

.... Something about the way he calls us human just pisses me off lmao. But we will be keeping an open mind. I will come to love you Sebek (yes it is a threat)

I feel terrible for Silver. Imagine looking at people you've known your entire life, two of them people you look up to and one you've trained alongside, and seeing strangers. Strangers who live in a fairy tale, who want you to join them and live happily ever after, sacrificing your freedom and responsibilities of the real world for an ideal ending. Who wouldn't want to take that chance? Making the choice to go against them, for their own good, is the most difficult thing to do in this situation. Raising your weapon against the one you trained your whole life to protect, fighting against someone who was once your comrade-in-arms.... it's terribly heartbreaking. But, hey, at least we got Sebek to wake up.

EHY IS MALLEUS SO FUCKING OP DIFVDHDGDJSVDVDJD B DHFDUSJDHS?!?!?!?!?

We... we're in Lilia's dream now.... brb, gotta get some tissues and get ready for emotional damage–

It's nice to see Silver taking the lead and being the dependable one. Also, General Lilia!! Been waiting for him since I got spoilers back when I was stuck in Ignihyde's book. I love how his hair transitions from being long and having red streaks to short and cute with pink streaks. Long hair is often associated, at least in my culture, with maturity and a sense of responsibility, while short hair is more fun and child-like. Similarly, red is an intense colour, while pink could technically be seen as a softer, gentler cousin to it. It shows Lilia's change from a warrior to caregiver and I think it's really neat. I just wish he could have seen him in a more adult-like form in the past.

[dimonds456]

Also are you doing okay?

I think so. I've got a therapist, and supportive friends. I'm slowly becoming more and more financially stable. One of my disabilities is going away, one I thought would be with me for life! I've even got a top surgery letter now, and we're working on getting a consultation with a surgeon!

But I'm also realizing how fucked everything is. Sorry, I kinda vented to you, but it's below the cut so you don't have to read it. Just, overall, I think I'm doing okay. I know I'll be alright. But fuck man it's hard to believe it sometimes, lmao.

I'm just also coming to realize how fucked up my childhood actually was. How fucked up the whole world is. How one person can singlehandedly make your life hell, and that just deciding to get away from them isn't enough.

It's been hard. On a personal level, I've been dealing with borderline abuse for the better part of 3 years, since I finally moved into my own apartment; once online, and twice IRL now. It's been every form of abuse except physical and sexual, but even then, I still felt physically unsafe around one of my abusers. Like he could have hurt me if he stayed around much longer.

The most latest example of it was my ex roommate, who had to be moved out of our place because of his screaming at us, throwing things, extreme beliefs, and illegal things like stealing money. And he still lives in this building, too, just not with us anymore. The new people who have to deal with him now actually just contacted us to ask us how tf we got rid of him, aha.

But even aside from that, on a more broad level, I've come to realize my own learned helplessness (the clinical term), trauma, and am struggling to come to terms with how true a lot of that stuff is.

I am helpless when it comes to ending an overseas "war" that I don't really have any stakes in anyway, aside from a moral one. I don't have family in Gaza, I don't know anyone there, but that shouldn't matter, y'know? It's still terrible, and I still can't help anyone there. No matter how loud we scream, the politicians are doing everything they can to drag their feet and are trying to get Israel to end it as fast as possible so people will just shut up about it already. They know we know, too, and are just trying to save face and it pisses me off. But what can I do about it? Not a whole lot!

I'm helpless when it comes to getting my family's acceptance of my own identity, or the constant misgendering at work, or the sexual harassment I keep getting from customers. Like, just today, two different guys offered to get me a pop or something, and my first instinct WASN'T to be like "oh thank you!" Instead, I raised my hackles in a "why are you being nice to me" way. That's not normal. It's a learned behavior and I don't know what to do about it.

I'm helpless to help my friend, who lives in an actively abusive household here in the States. Not mine, but within a day's drive of here if I got up early. We've called CPS, the cops, I've compiled a HUGE Google Doc of all the evidence we could find, I'm in touch with their sibling, I've straight-up TALKED to their abusive father (which was terrifying holy shit), and still NOTHING has changed. I think we're just gonna have to wait until they're old enough to move out, which fucking sucks.

I'm helpless to even help myself a lot of the time. My abusive relationships in the past have killed a lot of my creativity, energy, and overall positivity. I don't know if I'll ever really get it back.

But I'm doing what I can. I'm standing up for what's right in any way I can, I'm keeping tabs on my friend, I'm educating myself and diving into history, I'm trying to point my parents in the right directions, I'm trying to help my sibling from a distance, anything I can. I just feel like it isn't enough, y'know?

On the whole, I'm doing alright. And I'll be okay. But those bad days be hitting, lol.

[rxttenfish]

....... oh my god nyall do know that miravi goes through an oblivious lesbian phase right. i have told nyall that right.

like miranda comes off as more comfortable starting relationships but thats just when she considers it low risk/low value. its why i keep bringing up her technically being demiromantic, as she's still very willing to start flings and relationships with people she's not actually romantically interested in, because she finds them fun and entertaining and flirting is enjoyable for her. when she actually catches feelings thats an ENTIRELY different ballpark, since now she has something to lose and something that can be used against her, and even moreso because she's scared of damaging relationships she wants to keep by having romantic feelings and having the social needs of a merfolk. add in a ton of discomfort around real intimacy from her title and her life as a royal and miranda suddenly feels like all her prior experience with dating means nothing because none of it DID mean anything to her.

and aaravi has her own discomfort with intimacy and actually being open with her feelings, because she so closely connects that to weakness and things people can use to hurt her, and she is INTENSELY afraid that the second she lets someone in her life in a more permanent manner is the exact moment that they leave her. she's also still terrified of getting into a relationship with a monster, especially because of repeating the history her mom had with her dad, and about it not being real and something that doesnt mean anything to miranda in turn. her hypervigilance over her body and her actions and her thoughts also don't help and she's a chronic overthinker, that what she's going to say or do will instantly fuck up everything she's worked hard to have, and thats ESPECIALLY a fear when it comes to more personal and intimate things. likewise, whereas miranda has experience playing around with dating and flirting, aaravi has none of that experience, and it makes her feel like she's doomed for failure from the start without a chance to get good at it.

and both of them have a lot of internal self hate and a lot of constant feeling that if they're not the best and perfect then they're flawed and broken beyond repair and the worst. so they're likewise both feeling the worry that they'll personally be the ones to fuck it up and what the other will find underneath the surface will be something repulsive and bad, and both are VERY scared of hurting the other, accidentally or otherwise.

and mind you both of them are being very obvious about their attraction to each other and flirting with each other and even going on dates (even though neither of them will CALL them dates), and its just a disaster all around. they're disaster lesbians. they're not even being subtle about it everyone can tell theyre blushing and falling over each other and everyone is just waiting for them to finally kiss and neither of them has caught on that the other feels the same way.

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

I posted this on Twitter a few days ago but I wanted to repost here, for various reasons

originally I just started with that, crying over the Lamentis scene at the end of all things (oh haha in come feelings from another fandom!), because they were both terrified but they found peace in their own impending deaths because they were together

and then I had more thoughts that made it better/worse:

Sylvie dedicated her whole life to taking down the TVA because they destroyed everything she cared about when she was a child for no reason. worse, her fugitive existence forced her to live in a way that literally could not make a difference to anyone or anything else. she was only safe if she was invisible in her apocalypses, which means that nothing she did mattered, ever. if she did anything that mattered, anything that made even the tiniest fraction of a difference in someone else's life, the TVA would find her and kill her. when she started really fighting back, killing all those Minutemen squads to steal their reset charges, it must have been a relief--not just knowing she was hurting the TVA and making them feel a little of what she'd felt all her life, being hunted like an animal, but just at the fact that she was changing something, finally. dying like this, after so much time planning how to breach the TVA, is adding insult to injury—once again unmarked, unnoticed, pointless, basically just because her luck finally ran out.

and Loki, I think part of what hurt so much about watching his own death at Thanos’s hands was the sheer meaninglessness of it, and what it said about how much his entire life meant as a whole—that he could try so hard and fight so much and go through so much (a lot of it because of Thanos), and in the end none of it fucking mattered anyway, he was a historical footnote for people like Odin and Thor and Thanos, and it didn’t matter if he fought or made painful choices, it didn't matter if he came back and helped save Asgard, it didn't matter that he finally reconciled with Thor when nobody else was left (just like it didn't matter that this Loki fully understood how much he loved his family after he'd already lost them), Thanos would still just snuff him out with a twitch of his fingers in the end.

so it should have been awful for both of them, dying pointlessly as Lamentis-1 shattered around them

but that didn’t matter either, because they were together, and that meant something. in the face of sudden, pointless, unfair death, they found comfort and meaning in each other.

[beck-derringer]

Perfect Exceeder || Flashback

Date: 2009 (Two weeks before joining The Bat Ray)

Location: Night club in Rungung

Notes: Some hard partying ends in a not-so-pleasant night for Beck (Contains: Vomit TW, drugs)

Mixing alcohol and stimulants was never a good idea, but luckily Beck already failed to have good ideas for the past few months so she wasn't currently bearing the weight of being concerned for her well-being. She'd lost count of the whiskys she had - four? Five? Oh, then there were the free shots a hottie at the bar gave her... And some weird pink powder she snorted.

That powder was the real star of her night, because everything felt amazing. Especially with the aforementioned hottie, in the dimly lit, most-likely-filthy bathroom stall they found themselves in. Beck definitely hit her head a couple of times as the unnamed Erkuss man showed her a good time, but the pain felt incredible so she hadn't complained. Once it was over, and the man was struggling to drunkenly put his pants back on, Beck simply gave him a pat on the shoulder before staggering out of the bathroom stall and leaving him to figure it out on his own. Her underwear had been lost at some point, but since she was wearing a dress tonight, she decided things would be fine. Time for more drinks.

It had been a week since her spat with Jude. She hadn't spoken to him since, and frankly she was fine if he went to go fuck himself anyway. Tonight was about releasing all the negative energy in her life right now. The strobe lights in the club were beautiful tonight. So much blue, purple, and red. She felt like she could almost taste the colors. Alcohol tasted like water to her at this point in the night, so the new whisky she ordered at the bar went down just the same. Another tall Erkuss man, different from her restroom companion, approached. He also looked under the influence, judging by the dopey smile on his face. Without even introducing himself, he extended his hand to reveal a small orange tablet. A freebie in exchange for dancing with him. That was an easy yes.

Beck grabbed the tablet and popped it, then grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor. She hadn't even asked what the tablet was supposed to do, but that was because she was really focused on how rough his hand felt. Wow, she thought, hypothetically he could probably rip her apart. She thought that was hot.

Like any drugged up young person would do, it didn't take long for them to grind against each other. His shirt was so soft. Beck was clutching it as if any moment she was going to rip it off of him. Then they were making out. His lips were dry, and maybe that wasn't so nice. And he smelled like sweat. But at least his shirt was soft. She felt a shift happen with her body, like she was becoming even more high than she already was, which must've been the mysterious orange tablet at play. She pulled away to look up at her new, tall druggie friend. And under the flashing lights, she realized he looked different.

Blonde highlights. Violet eyes. Dimples.

Beck pulled back to get a better look. Holy shit. What the fuck?!

"T-Teddy?" she blinked in disbelief. The flashing lights suddenly weren't nice anymore. Her stomach felt funny. Why was she still holding onto him?

The man flashed back to how he was before. Brunette with gold eyes.

"Who?" he asked, confused. Then the lights flashed him back into "Teddy".

Terrified at the change, Beck pushed him away from her. He was clearly surprised by how strong someone of her size was, because he nearly flew all the way back into a group of dancers. He flashed back to normal. Then to Teddy.

She was really feeling nauseous now. Did she remember where the restroom was? Fuck. She clutched her stomach, then pushed through people in the direction of where she hoped the bathroom was. She felt dizzy. Was that the alcohol or the drugs? Or just the fact she was hallucinating her former wingman? Most likely all of the above.

By some miracle, she reached the restroom. She yanked back someone who was about to walk into a close by stall, then used the last of her strength to launch herself at the toilet and release all of the alcohol and drugs she had spent the evening consuming.

Her head was pounding. Her body felt like it was on fire. How much did she drink? Fuck. She wasn't so sure she was going to be able to get up. She reached into her pocket to locate her comms device. If she could just get to it, she could call Jude and ask him to pick her up. She found it, and pulled it out and dialed Jude, but in that moment her entire body decided to give up. She plopped onto the floor.

"Fuuuuuck," she groaned, closing her eyes. She felt so weak. Was she dying? Was this what dying felt like?

Her eyes felt heavy, but she managed to eventually open them. The stall felt like it was spin, and all she could focus on was the ceiling. She felt like she heard Jude trying to talk to her through the device, but the music from outside the bathroom made it difficult to hear. Oh well, he'd figure it out.

Or maybe not. Didn't matter. Dying on the bathroom floor of a nightclub seemed very fitting for her, she thought. Maybe Teddy would've enjoyed seeing her like this.

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching Yellow Fever

 Welcome to “Big Hearts, Cat Screams, Bobby Speaks Japanese: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

  Up today, s4e6: Yellow Fever.

 The cold open begins with Dean running for his life… from a yorkie? Okay, back up. The boys are investigating the strange death of a man who died of a heart attack with no discernable cause. Eventually they realize the culprit is ghost sickness, which is contagious and causes victims to get increasingly terrified until the are literally scared to death. And Dean’s caught it. He does his best to help Sam continue the case while he becomes frightened of… everything. Eventually he begins to see hallucinations, including one of Lilith, who suggests that he may remember quite a bit about his time in hell after all. With Dean holed up in a motel room trying to stay calm, Bobby eventually joins Sam and they figure out that scaring the original ghost to “death” should cure Dean. So they do, in a scene that is heartbreaking and kind of hard to watch. But meanwhile the whole episode is a delight of Dean moments coupled with Sam doing his best to support him and not laugh. Always stay tuned for at the end for Jensen’s hilarious lip-sync of “Eye of the Tiger.”

 Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

 [and we begin:]

  Lor:

 oh hey, you remember there’s

a scene with snakes in this one?

 Mace:

 omG ITS THE CAT SCREAM ONE

  Lor:

 it IS

Mace:

 oh no i didn’t remember

I’ll try to power through but we’ll see

  Lor:

 you want me to try to warn you? if I remember it's a little bit of a surprise (but not a jump scare or anything)

 Mace:

 okay yes pls

  Lor:

 okay will try

 Mace:

 thanks, friend

 omg DEAN

  Lor:

 omg Dean, honey

    Lor:

 of course. I got you hopes really hard will remember when the scene is coming

 Mace:

 SNORK

  Lor:

 "the one you're gonna do"

 Mace:

 HA

okay I didn’t need to see the cutting

  Lor:

 yeeeeah

 Mace:

 Dean’s face

  Lor:

 oh Dean

 Mace:

 OMG DEAN

  Lor:

 that's what you get for laughing SAM

 Mace:

 HAHAHAHA

and Dean’s smirk!!

  Lor:

 YES

 Mace:

 that dude has a thing for Dean fight me

  Lor:

 HE DOES

and Dean is not uninterested

 this hand sanitizing thing hits so different now

 Mace:

 HAHAHAHA IT SURE DOES

  Lor:

 Dean's face when he has to stop laughing

 Mace:

 omg DEAN LAUGHING

  Lor:

 YES

 Mace:

 YES

 “they’re majestic animals"

  Lor:

 "big heart" OMG

 Mace:

  “big heart” DEAN WINCHESTER I CANNOT

  Lor:

 I. LOVE. HIM.

 Mace:

 ME TOO

  Lor:

 "what can't?"

 this is it I think

the neighbors

maybe?

 Mace:

 okay I’m steeling myself

  Lor:

 YEP

 Mace:

 oh RIGHT THE BIG PYTHON

  Lor:

 YEP

 Mace:

 okay I’m looking away for a bit

  Lor:

 okay

I'll just be half wigging out/half laughing at Dean

 "those pez dispensers with their dead little eyes"

 Mace:

 RRREEEEFFFFFEEEERRREENNNNCEEE

  Lor:

 LOLOLOLOL

 how... do you tape someone's butt cheeks together?

wouldn't they have to... sit still for that?

 Mace:

 I don’t know. I’ve been wondering that since Breakfast Club, to be honest

  Lor:

 HA

 Mace:

 well, you have someone hold them down, obvs

and maybe use double sided tape?

  Lor:

 oh right. I just wasn't thinking with enough violence

but. they'd have to be naked?

is this some kind of boys locker room nonsense that just never occurs to me?

 "oh what? safety's a crime now?"

 Mace:

 I think it is locker room crap

 omg I so love this Dean

  Lor:

 "i'm not suicidal. did I just say that? that's kind of weird"

 Mace:

 SNORK!!

  Lor:

 I assume he meant the bit about the turning into traffic was what he meant was weird, but DAMN does that hit hard in a fuck 327 kind of way

 Mace:

 IT SURE DOES

 “AM I HAUNTED?!?!”

  Lor:

 "AM I HAUNTED?"

 hahahahaha YES

 Mace:

 Jensen plays this SO FUCKING WELL

  Lor:

 omg tiny hiding in the car with his music I LOVE HIM

 he DOES

 Mace:

 YAS

  Lor:

 "god no. I don't even know what that is"

 Mace:

 HAHAHAHA

  Lor:

 cornjerkers

 Mace:

 HAHAHAHA

  Lor:

 "you got hit with the spleen juice"

 I don't buy this. Dean is not a dick IN COMPARISON to Sam

 Mace:

 OMG DEAN IS NOT A DICK, SAMMY

  Lor:

 RIGHT?

stupid handwaving

 Mace:

 And I love Sam, but he can be a jerk sometimes, too

  Lor:

 YEP

and they both use fear as a weapon and they are BOTH just sweet in other ways

 Mace:

 yeah, they needed to explain it somehow I guess, but surely they could have come up with something else better

  Lor:

 yeah

like, scared but pretending they aren't?

or hiding a secret

 Mace:

 or forced to grow up too soon

  Lor:

 bc those are both true of Dean and are relevant to what they are trying to get at

 Mace:

 well, it’s not like Sammy doesn’t have secrets from Dean

  Lor:

 ...though Sam is hiding something too

 oh YEAH that's a good one

 "hey, quit picking at that"

  Lor:

 "I don't wanna be a clue"

 Mace:

 SNORK!!

  Lor:

 not that this isn't always true, but I just want to hold him

 Mace:

 YAS 

 omg Sam is OVER IT

 Lor:

 he IS

 look, Dean can man my flashlight anytime he likes

 Mace:

 HAAAAAHAHAHAHA

Cas says, Hey, that’s MINE LINE

  Lor:

 LOL!

 Mace:

 HERE IT COMES

  Lor:

 HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

omg and the way Jensen's voice goes back up into like a human range

 Mace:

 HAHAHAHAOMG that NEVER gets old

  Lor:

 NOPE

 Mace:

 SNORK

  Lor:

 hahahahaha Sam looks over his shoulder and Dean is just gone

the RUN

 Mace:

 HAAAAAAHAHA

 Dean is acting like a normal person would in this situation

  Lor:

 YES

 Mace:

 Deputy is worried about his fantasy boyfriend

  Lor:

 RIGHT?

 the way Sam hauls him away by the back of his neck

 Mace:

 YAS

  Lor:

 oh Dean he's worried about the badges

his little shake no when Sam asks if he feels better

 Mace:

 YES

 SO ADORABLE

  Lor:

 "those are real. ...obviously"

 Mace:

 Dean’s worried look!

  Lor:

 "that's just nutty"

I CANNOT

 Mace:

 HAHAHAHA

 HOW are his eyes so BIG

  Lor:

 RIGHT?

 this is funny cause I think Luther looks like a sweet bean

 Mace:

 he sure does

 aw KITTEN

  Lor:

 oooof

 Mace:

 yeeeeeah

  Lor:

 "no no it'll be that easy. why won't it be that easy?"

 sounds like it's time to light a road on fire then Sammy

 Mace:

 aw, honey

 YES

 CRAZY PEOPLE

  Lor:

 oh Dean. maybe you should move into a nice little house with an angel and stop hunting scary things

 "and you! you're GASSY!"

 Mace:

 make it a B&B

 HAHAHAHA

  Lor:

 YES

 Mace:

 oh Tiger, don’t quit

  Lor:

 LOL

 "Ran?"

 god he looks so SCARED

 Mace:

 he really DOES

 poor Sammy’s worried. and annoyed. and worried.

  Lor:

 oooof the hallucinations

 Mace:

 OOOOOF

 omg evil Sammy AM DED

  Lor:

 RIGHT?

 "home sick"

 Mace:

 hooo boy

  Lor:

 BOBBY SPEAKS JAPANESE

 Mace:

 YES HE DOES

  BOBBY SAID LORE EVERYBODY DRINK 

  Lor:

 LOL

 "just ride out the trip" ooooof

 "this is a TERRIBLE plan"

 Mace:

 SNORK!!

Bobby complains but he’s right there backing his boy up

  Lor:

 oh no he's hallucinating hell hounds, poor thing

 YES

 Mace:

 poor baby

  Lor:

 WHY THE BIBLE

 ooooof Lilith

 Mace:

 OOOOF

 and why doesn’t Cas show up to help?!

  Lor:

 RIGHT?

 oooo I wonder if he was praying to Cas

 this little kid is SO GOOD

 Mace:

 I kind of doubt it at this point, but I bet Cas would have heard

 she really really is

  Lor:

 yeah. I just can never make the bible make sense. he doesn't believe in that stuff. he can barely accept that angels exist

 Mace:

 well, he’s not himself at all at this point and maybe he’s giving in to superstition

  Lor:

 ooo yeah I'd buy that

and the visual is good

 Mace:

 yep

  Lor:

 oooof. he deserves a nice burger and a very long nap

 Mace:

 yes he does

  Lor:

 MRF THE HENLEY

 Mace:

 YAAASSS

  Lor:

 "I'll hunt. I'll kill anything"

 omg guys don't pick on him

poor little muffin

 Mace:

 “he’s adorable” HAHAHAHAHA YES HE IS

  Lor:

 sam's dark denim shirt is NOT BAD either

 YAAAAS

 Mace:

 “you boys drive safe” is midwestern love language

  Lor:

 "howler monkeys"

 Mace:

 It really really isn’t

  Lor:

 ooooYES

 he is NOT FINE

 Mace:

 NOPE

  Lor:

 JENSEEEEEEEN

 Mace:

 “the usual stuff, Sammy”

OOOOOF

  Lor:

 yep

 Mace:

 SUCH a ham

  Lor:

 YES

THEATER KID

 Mace:

 SNORK!

and that smile of pure glee at the end

  Lor:

 YES

 Mace:

 I love it when the boys are happy

  Lor:

 YES

it just exudes young dude having a great time

and I love it

 Mace:

 YES

[elmaxlys]

Go TS main5, Senya and one more character from TSA of your choice for character ask. Yes a lot. Yes no TS-Juo. Yes I'm merciless =D

Hahaha alright I'll do my best! xD

one aspect about them i love

Yuri: how despite it all she still deeply remains a 16yo girl and how even her trauma and reactions to it reflect that

Nise: her thing with Hayabusa

Yu-chan: his fear of heights. hard same, big man. it puts everything differently for him like, everyone else is like uwaah it's high and the lad is 10 seconds away from passing out and still kicking ass hard

Kuon: the way she's ruthless in a way even the villains find disturbing. I suppose it's not surprising coming from me but it's really what makes her character so compelling 🙏

Rika: I love everything about him help god if I have to mention only one here.... his unconditional love for Yuri. He'll do anything for her. He'll brag about her to near strangers. He'll die if it means protecting her. He's ready to lay down his life if it means she won't be abandoned the way he was. He taught her everything. She means everything to him. He's just. He's so!! you know?

Senya: his obsession with space!! The way he goes ":O an alien!!" at literally anything. Cutie.

Shika: she's the only person that asked to be taken. She didn't know shit about what was on the other side she just knew Shintarou had disappeared and she wanted him back and that was enough. Impulsive but oh so badass.

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

Yuri: She's only 16!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cut her some slack!!!!!!!!!! I hate how people (irl/fandom) judge her actions when!!!! they make sense? regarding 1) her age, 2) her personality, 3) it was in the heat of action most often than not. Of course she's imperfect! She's a 16yo kid tasked to keep the entire world running!! Bitch!!!

Nise: she has extensive traumas from before the realm and she's more than just a "knife lesbian"

Yu-chan: he's completely and utterly pathetic (I say this with love). Also. very important to me. He's not a fucking perv. He kills pervs. Come on!!!!

Kuon: she is absolutely and completely terrifying

Rika: he is the damsel in distress. He is the Mary Sue. He is the coolest. He's everything fandom has pushed onto the other mains 😤 (still accurate but slightly more desperate answer: he exists in the story. haha. *cries*)

Senya: I don't know how to say this. I haven't seen a lot of people talk about arrive, apart from you and Choco. I saw some complaints once but I don't remember them much, only that my reaction to them was he's 14. he's a baby. he's a freaking KID. So there you go.

Shika: never saw anyone talk about her i have no idea what way people misinterpret her :v

Globally, though, what I wish people would remember are the characters' age. A lot of actions they take make sense once you keep their ages in mind. And from the way they're written, it's clear Miura keeps it in mind - so y'all should too.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

Yuri: "what's the point of being bi if you only like boys who look like girls" (aka she is weak for pretty boys)

Nise: post-canon the Honjo fam take her and Hayabusa in until she can accomplish her dream of having her own place. She then stays friendly with them (Honjo parents) throughout her life

Yu-chan: caffeine addict. He spends the entire time in the high-rise world with a killing headache bc unlike his cigs he can't get his coffee fix

Kuon: After all is said and done she starts experimenting with her appearance in the psychic realm. What's the point of being incorporeal if she can't have fun with that

Rika: He wants to get in law so that situation with his father's will doesn't happen again. (flimsy hc i have thought about exactly once in my life but it's the only one that comes to mind atm)

Senya: Has cried to his parents to "buy a star" at some point (you know that program that lets you buy/name a star? that.)

Shika: metalhead just needing the slightest push to awaken

one character i love seeing them interact with

Yuri: I'm not gonna lie, nothing beats seeing her with Rika

Nise: Sniper. Besties material.

Yu-chan: yeah, I'm going with Nise too

Kuon: Yuri

Rika: :3 You Know. Everyone Knows. I have to say his name at least once, JUO.

Senya: Mochizuki. Wish we had more...

Shika: I can count the times they were together on the fingers of one hand but. with Shintarou. I love themmm

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

Yuri: Faceless-kun. Can't explain this one

Nise: Kuon, for the "more" category

Yu-chan: White Feather. Raised in foreign countries solidarity

Kuon: yeah, Nise. also Juo.

Rika: Aikawa's angels post canon. I am so curious. (also, the other Juo. I have to see that.)

Senya: Oribe

Shika: SHINTAROU

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

Yuri: she never gets over her Sniper trauma but it gets slightly better once he starts going without mask

Nise: she becomes very protective of Mayu and treats her like she would a younger sister.

Yu-chan: He and Nise have silent hanging out times where she sits with her knives and he reads

Kuon: I want to say something about Nanami here but the most I have are static noises

Rika: he desperately wants a talk with Yuri about the whole siblings thing but she won't let him and it's killing him. He wants to apologize but she doesn't mind; he wants to explain but she already know. It changes nothing for her so that's a relief to him but still, you know?

Senya: he'd be friends with Yoshida is what I'm thinking

Shika: all my hcs here depend on whether she's Shintarou's in-law or step sister....

-----

Give me a character and I will give you my thoughts on

[woozi]

my yza! hello! it has been a while again, i hope you're well? your header is SO cute 🐯

i missed you too! we r penpals... oh i do love that image. i will seal my letters with a kiss every time. MUAH

dolo (dino solo) really did reunite us! perhaps this can be our always. speaking of dolo - he SLAYED with that. ate it the fuck up, wait slaps SO hard i'm obsessed w her!!! what are your thoughts 👀 i'm dying to know

thank you! i get my first results in jan, around the time i'm sitting my second batch of exams. eek. uni applications are around the same time and i'm still working on my personal statement; i'm terrified it won't be good enough <//3

this freshteen comeback was SO good. you're so right abt it being a refresher to why we originally fell in love w their sound </333

back 2 back is my GIRRLLLLL she slaps!!! i mentioned this but perf u songs are always killer for me i LOVE their sound. but monster omg! she is cunty but i do get you. as for sos. what can i say. the lyrics just rub me the wrong way idk the phrasing just seems a bit... odd, and insensitive, perhaps. but like you say, english is not their first language, so i will give them the benefit of the doubt. what are your thoughts, though?

minghao discovered the mullet and then discovered a million different ways to slay it, and i love that for him. most versatile mullet ever!

we DO need more jun appreciation did you catch him in the diamond days vid! my guy! he was so good!

also omg... dr ms yza? perhaps? you'd be utterly incredible. i feel you on life being a little crazy; i hope things have calmed down for you since, though. i've not been up to much! i work at a school now, did i mention? i'm a teaching assistant for year 1 (5-6yos) so i do that mostly, and i'm also studying for all my exam retakes. i'm 1/3 of the way done currently and it is so fucking bad.

i hope your days have been treating you well! sending you hugs and kisses xxx i really am happy to be penpalling with you again. take care, love you, MWAH <3333333

your beloved wife 💍,

honey <3

MY HONEY, HIIIIIIIII 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

thank u sm for being so so kind 🥺 AND YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm v glad to say that life has been treating me better, or at least i've learned to handle everything better hehe <33 HOW R UUUUUUUUUUU I MISSED U SO MUCH!!

PLS U ARE SO SO CUTE 😭 also so real abt dolo <3 I LIKED IT!!!!!!!! i'm glad he took that direction music and style wise tbh, i was NERVOUS it'd sound like... (not to be a hater but i didnt really enjoy last order 😭) love the bridge it's my favorite part <33

HOW WERE UR RESULTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS im so so eager to hear from u, every time we talk it's like you're hitting new milestones <33

YK WHAT THE FUNNIEST THING JUST HAPPENED JJKFDJKFD BACK 2 BACK LITERALLY STARTED PLAYING THE MOMENT I STARTED ANSWERING UR ASK 😭 and ure sOOO so correct abt perf u songs!! more people should recognize the powerhouse that perf u is imo 😋 ALSO AGREED ON SOS 😭 honestly my least favorite song from the album. aside from what u just mentioned, it just sounds (lyric-wise) very clunky to me

I SAWWWWWW!! also glad jun's getting more recognition nowadays <33 i think thats the BeTS effect

well, as life turns out, i'm now in corporate and not in med school FDKJJDKFJKFD but it's fun!! and a little crazy, but that's just perfect for my personality tbh jsjkdjds ALSO IT'S MY FIRST TIME HEARING ABT THAT!! that's so so cute and i'm so happy for u 🥺 sending u sm strength in whatever endeavor you're taking rn!! hope the exams turned out well <33

AND I COULD LITERALLY SAY THE SAME!!!!!!!! i lov u so much, thank u for being such a constant friend <333 u make my stay here much much more enjoyable <3 LOV U MWAH