#'marrying you wouldnt suck ig' romance!

[ladyintree]

she starts to smile,  because while she didn't know back then what mikayla was going to mean to her someday,   it makes her happy knowing that she gave her some bit of comfort back then.   mikayla always did the same when tai felt alone and struggled to connect with anyone.    ❝  I didn't realize it meant something to you.  it meant something to me, too, ❞   she assures,  shrugging her shoulders.   ❝  you were one of the only people in our class who,  like,  I don't know--  talked to me back then. ❞   it's funny thinking about how their relationship turned out those following years,  but maybe this was always inevitable anyway,  ever since the game of spin the bottle.  her eyes roll and she lets out a soft laugh.  ❝  says you—   you were always a way bigger asshole than me,  ❞   she claims teasingly,  because she's not even sure if that's actually true.   her perception of mikayla has always been skewed for many different reasons.  she doesn't need her to finish to know what she's trying to say,  her head nodding slowly.   ❝  —  it's okay, ❞   she says quietly.   ❝  now,  I can give you whatever you want,  ❞   she says quietly,  rubbing her hand over her arm.  ❝  —  with limitations,  ❞  she adds,  quickly glancing to their surroundings,  because there's not much they actually can do here.   it's an attempt at a joke,  even if it's mostly empty,  because it's hard to stay lighthearted about their situation.

she lets out a sigh,  relieved to hear that mikayla's content.  she smiles again,  trying to focus only on her,  ignoring their surroundings no matter how hard it can be.   ❝  it's enough for me, too,  ❞   she says quietly.   it's a big part of her even choosing to keep fighting every single day,  because she's not sure how she'd keep going on without her,   no matter how determined she's always been.   she brings her closer,   pressing a long kiss to the side of her head.   ❝  good,  ❞  she whispers.   ❝  because one thing i'm always going to be sure of is that I love you,  mikayla,  ❞   she says,  just in time to pull back again for her eyes to meet hers,   showing her how much she means it.

her brows furrow as mikayla pulls back,  eyes following hers down to their hands.   she doesn't know what's on her mind,  but her hand gives her a small squeeze,  silently telling her it's okay,  whatever it is.  she's thrown off when she mentions marriage,   still unsure where this is going.  her eyes follow hers again as she looks up,  their eyes meeting once again,  and she tries to process what she's saying.  it almost threatens to make her panic —    not because she doesn't love her with everything,   not because she doesn't see a life with her,  not because she doesn't want to marry her,   but because it means submitting to the wilderness.  it means accepting their fate,  accepting that they're actually stuck here and the idea of going home may not even ever be a reality.   she's had to adapt to that way of thinking months ago,  when she first failed to rescue her team.  but this is different —  it feels like mikayla is accepting that this is their life.  and maybe she's not wrong to.  it's been almost a year of living this way,  almost a year of making this their home and learning how to live with that.  and mikayla's right to suggest it—   they would have never gone here at this age back at home,  but it's what they've come to be out here.   this is taissa's wife.  so she ignores the way it feels like admitting defeat,  ignores the fact that if they're ever brought back home,  things are bound to be different.  all she wants to think about right now is saying yes to her.   

❝  you want to be my wife?  ❞   she says quietly,  a small, shy smile tugging at her lips as she nods her head slowly.  there's a slightly hint of hesitation in her eyes,  but it's not about mikayla,  and she can feel it immediately,  so she tries to clarify before mikayla gets the wrong idea.  ❝ I don't want to believe this is all there is for us.  all of this—  I still want to believe we're going to make it home some day. ❞   she takes a deep breath before going on.   ❝  but I do know that I couldn't be in this place without you.  I—   I don't think I could ever be anywhere without you.  yeah,  mikayla.  i—   ❞   she cuts herself off,  a more teasing expression on her features as she tilts her head to the side.  ❝  —  wait,  that is a proposal, right?  ❞    she teases, unable to stop herself.

mikayla's not sure how much faith she could put in tai's words, not because she thinks tai will forget it, but because if they're still here in a year, she doubts the date will matter to any of them anymore. it's already started to not matter to her, losing track of the day, the month, because it feels meaningless now that every day just feels the same.

“ kind of hard to forget. ” again, not because of any feelings she might have had at the time, but because even just some handmade card was special to her, something completely unfamiliar to a girl who never received anything before. “ well— that was before you grew up to be an asshole. ” she knows it's the opposite, that she's the one who got meaner as they got older, especially toward her. mikayla shakes her head, because she would have never expected tai to give her anything before— if anything, it would have only made her feel suspicious, like it was some kind of joke for someone she assumed hated her to be the only one acknowledging her birthday. “ no, it's fine— probably better you didn't. my dad would've... ” she trails off, not wanting to finish the sentence, because he doesn't deserve to be thought about.

she doesn't think she'll ever get tired of hearing that from her, almost tempted to ask tai to say it again, but she stops herself, not wanting to come off as too desperate for validation. her brows furrow, hand squeezing hers. “ no, baby, this is— this is enough. just being with you is enough. i don't need anything else. ” that's not entirely true, because being back in civilization with her would be preferred, but mikayla can't let herself dwell on that, forcing herself to be grateful for what she has in the moment. mikayla closes her eyes, hating to think about the possibility that they might not be together some day, because it's the only thing that really keeps her going, but she chooses not to argue, to insist that she won't let that happen. “ i won't forget. i promise. ” it feels impossible to, anyway, knowing that this is the only good thing she's ever been sure of.

— that makes her consider something else, pulling back from tai just slightly, looking down at their intertwined hands. she opens her mouth, then closes it again, hesitant to say anything at all, because it feels stupid, bringing it up. but she loves her, and this might be all they ever get to have, so she ignores her nerves, forcing herself to speak before she could second guess herself. “ a few weeks ago, i think, akilah said something— about, like... um, marriage. ” she grimaces, afraid to look up at tai, afraid she sounds ridiculous. “ i didn't say anything about it then, because it felt... dumb. and it's not something i would've ever thought about at this age before all this, but— ” mikayla lets out a shaky sigh, steeling herself to finally lift her gaze and meet tai's eyes, trying to muster up all the confidence she has. “ but i don't know what's going to happen out here, if we're going to— you know. but i do know that i love you, and i'm always going to love you. so it's not... the worst thought in the world. marrying you. ”