#'ll go along with literally anything just because i dont want poeple to hate me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thetisming · 4 months ago

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im actually really worried that im not that interested in &j anymore like ivd been having a hard time writing about it and talking about it online and i mean i talk about it a lot irl but idk like people have been knowing more than me and im starting to feel so incredibly inferior that it's hard for me to enjoy it

#im in this group chaf and im the only one there that doesnt live in new york snf doesnt know any og them irl and theyall know more and see #it a lot and know about the swing order and i dont and ive been feeling so bad about it and it's been so hard for me and then i have friends #that are clearlv better at fandom in general than me so theyre better at characterisation so if i get criticisrd i just feel Terrible and i #havent properly wtitten in ages caude ive been so worried about my characterisation cause a friend very gently criticised me on my character #isation like 2 months ago and i really look up to this person so now i just cant Do anything #and also the thing that they eere pointing out wad more anothrr friend's thing that i didn't even Like much but if someone talks enough i #can be persuaded to anything and also because im just terrified do i #'ll go along with literally anything just because i dont want poeple to hate me #and it's ruining my enjoyment and i mean i made an au and i was hoping that that would make it so that i could maybe write again but nobody #carrd so now i judt cant #i feel so broken right now #also people that were meant to be &j friends are now friend friends and i mean thats Fine #but i cant! handle it!!!#i cant talk about other things unless it's My other things #and i especially cant talk about five nights at freddy's because i used to be hyperfixated on that so now that im.not i just cant! talk abou #t it! or hear about it!!!#not to mention that that game fucking destroyed my life when i was 9 because everyone liked it but i didn't know what it eas anf they wouldn #t explain so now i judt CANT hear about it!!!!!!#i cant do it i cant. do this #i miss when it brought me so much joy but now i hate talking about it online and i cant do it anymore #i can't pretend to care i can't keep being an &j blog even though i do love it!!!! but i feel so insecure and inferior that i just cant!!!!!#i hate this so mcuh im sorry i needrd to get this out #i dont have anything interesting to say anymore and i mean there's also just like. the whole being autistic thing and not wanting peopel to #judge me for my interests which they have my whole life and now it's too much and i cant care this much anymore. i just can't #i dont have anything to contribute either i cant draw and i can't write anymore and i just dont know what to do #sorry

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