#'j'avais accepté pour ne plus t'être à charge...de mourir...ne le vois-tu pas ?'
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I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABT RAYMONDE
#p.s.#la robe de laine#how she loses her agency the moment cernay sets his sights on her and only gets it back in death#raymonde!!! she accepts a proposal against her best instincts bc of pressure from her mother and from cernay.#from the moment she marries him she becomes his plaything almost#and it happens slowly but he literally consumes her in his desire to turn her into his perfect wife the perfect high society woman#which she goes along with out of love? obligation? but not out of her own desires#when he starts vouvoying her she's shocked and hurt but goes along with it bc it's what he's decided they should do#she goes to paris with him even though she expresses how frightened the idea makes her. 'à paris j'aurai peur...'#she lets him sculpt what should have been a tender intimate image of her#only for him to guilt her into letting him show off his artwork even after she begs him 'ne me livrez pas' bc she can't bear it being seen#she goes to his salons even though she hates them. and wears dresses that she feels naked and exposed in. all bc he demands it of her#and you can argue that she does have agency bc she lets him do these things to her but is it a choice if he's manipulating her?#and if she protests almost every time?#sometimes only non-verbally sure but through his narration we knowwww that he knows she doesn't want it and pushes her anyways#bc she's not a person to him she's a stupid little girl that he's doing a FAVOUR to by marrying and by putting her through these ordeals#and weirdly enough her death is the one part of their relationship that was entirely her choice.#'j'avais accepté pour ne plus t'être à charge...de mourir...ne le vois-tu pas ?'#although FUCK now that i'm thinking abt it even that was not actually her will.#bc she doesnt choose to die for his sake or for his freedom. she ACCEPTS that he's going to kill her for the sake of his freedom...#and it doesn't matter the method of the killing. he's the one rains violence after violence down on her soul#until her heart gives out#and her acceptance isn't really a choice.#idk like cernay hears the lord burleigh story and the 'elle avait désiré s'en aller pour me débarasser d'elle' and sees raymonde in it#but that's HIS perspective HIS justification HIS narration.#all we can say based on raymonde's words is that there was a time that she did not want to die#and even when she is dying this is something she at best 'accepts' not something she demanded.....#even cernay saying 'quel était ce mystérieux pacte qu'elle avait consenti une première fois...qu'elle renouvelait en actions de grâce...'#'pacte/consenti' that's his narration those are his words....#SORRY SORRY THIS BOOK MAKES ME INSANE.
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