#'if they're coming in voluntarily outside of a traumatic injury then you know it's Bad'
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(In a corner of raley's, talking with a sports med doc's office returning my call to see if i can just go see them or if i need to talk to my regular doc first.)
Me: (describing the various issues esp my left leg)
Office: how long have you had these symptoms?
Me: (laughs) the original hip thing, i dunno, 13 years? The foot like 8 months, the heel thing like 2 weeks. The new hip thing, maybe a year? The knee thing i honestly can't remember. The shoulder / arm thing is basically gone so i'm pretty sure that was just stair carry and gurney lifting being shitty. But that was about three years and it's been gone for about a year which checks out, timewise.
Office:
Office: ...and what is the reason you're calling now?
Me: the heel pain is bad pain
Office: on a scale-
Me: oh, sorry, no, not- y'know, like good pain is you're sore after a regular workout, normal pain is like you pushed yourself too hard or because you did something new or out of the ordinary like help a friend move out of a third floor apartment with no elevator so now your whole everything hurts, and bad pain is like, okay, this doesn't feel right, this is something wrong.
Office:
Me: like i tweaked my lower back on a stair carry and felt sore at the end of that shift but not like hurt, but the next morning i had to literally log-roll out of bed to crawl to the bathroom and was like 'shit i have to call dad to see if this is Bad-bad or just muscle-bad'. And i could lay prone and supine just fine it just sucked getting to those positions so it was just muscle-bad and i needed a week to not work and walk around and let it relax. The heel thing is kinda like that? And i was talking with one of our PAs and she was like '...you should get that checked out, you might need an MRI' and i went 'i mean at that rate i'd need like a whole-body MRI' and she gave me the 'don't be a dumbass' look.
Me: so i called you guys to see if i had to get referred or if i can just come to you guys first, let y'all decide what diagnostic imaging might be needed, and go from there.
Office: can you hold for a moment?
Different office voice: if the pain in your heel isn't that high, why are you more concerned about that than the longer-term, more acute pain you described?
Me: oh, well, a girl i danced with in college ruptured the extensor tendons on her left foot during one of our shows and it made me a little paranoid.
Different office voice:
Different office voice: what sort of dance? How long?
Me: that show was a mix of modern and ballet, not pointe though. But i haven't danced regularly since then, so about 20 years ago.
Different office voice: and did you stop dancing due to injury?
Me: no, the peds ortho i saw in high school was like 'you can keep skiing, volleyball, and basketball and track, or you can keep dance, but you gotta pick one or you're gonna need a knee replacement before you're out of college' and i was like 'i am not giving up mountains for dance' and quit.
Different office voice: mmm, i see. Ok, one moment-
Office voice: we'll give you a call in a few days once we've got an answer about if we can either see you without a referral or get a referral when we see you. Okay?
Me: okay, thank you!
#there was a dude waiting for like an army's worth of sandwiches at the deli counter a little ways away#and he was like 'i don't mean to eavesdrop but you should have led with that last bit'#'i worked for an ortho for 15 years and at a rural clinic for 9 and learned real quick that certain athletes are like farmers'#'if they're coming in voluntarily outside of a traumatic injury then you know it's Bad'#'on the one hand it's great because you can usually skip the whole 'pain can be just normal muscle response blablabla' discussion'#'on the other hand it's bad bc you end up going 'you have thigh and back pain because you have a total femoral head fracture' and then'#'then they tell you it's been going on for five days and you go 'okay something is wrong there is a mixup with scans here there's no way'#'but no. nope! they're just walking around going 'ah it's fine skeletal structural support is optional' and then they get mad'#'when you tell them they need a hip replacement because 'that's for old people' and you look at the chart and they're 78'#'and when you look at the chart they actually came in bc their other knee got whacked with a chunk of wood from some equipment failure'#'not even for the hip at all!'#and i was like 'like when someone comes in and is rambling on about their flulike symptoms for a week and a half'#'and then right as you're about to tell them to have a seat we will triage them soon they go'#''oh and my headache is real bad and i have double vision' and you are just like *holds delete key down* *queues up stroke screen tool*'#the deli counter dude was looking at us like that drive-up-window-meme
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