#'if god truly loved us with all of his being then he never would've flooded the earth'

[super-who-locked-me-in-here]

The antihero sitting in Sunday school and hitting her classmates with "Killing must feel good to God too, he does it all the time"

demanding a series in the same vein (heh, vein) as Dexter/Hannibal wherein a prolific serial killer plays cat & mouse with the police--except the serial killer in question is a preteen schoolgirl. this would make for compelling television due to the fact that middle school frequently causes girls to become deranged, and more media should reflect this

[fictive-culture]

i just need. to ramble about my system for a moment. sorry that this is so long. god i love them

so. i was a Villain in my source. like, irredeemable killer kind of guy. I participated in what was essentially a fantasy genocide. I was a soldier, and i was PROUD of myself. I killed a princess of the people I was trying to wipe out; as a result I got my memories wiped and was placed in some sort of death game.

In my own, noncanon memories of source, I was also a system. There were only two of us, but we HATED each other. He hated how I hurt people and felt no remorse. I hated how weak he was. Eventually, our fighting came to a head when we returned home one day to find our entire village on fire. We never found our parents. I blamed him for leaving in the first place, for not being able to protect everyone. For 15 years, I forced him into dormancy. He only re-emerged once our memories were wiped.

When my sourcemates and I got introjected it was DIRECTLY before what we kind of consider my "turning point" as a character- when my memories flooded back and I killed one of my best friends in cold blood. Because he was One Of Them, and i couldn't be friends with One Of Them. Most of the time when people get introjected into this system we still live out our source lives for a bit inside headspace until someone has the energy to explain to us where we are and what's going on. I very nearly went through with killing that friend here in this system- they had to physically hold me back in headspace. My alter, the nice one, got his own form in headspace and used his own body to shield that friend. I wanted to hurt BOTH of them.

For several weeks I was kind of placed under constant watch by the local gatekeeper (a fictive of a protector god). But.... they weren't horribly mean to me? They were prickly, yes, but.. well, I wasn't there for it, but a long time ago our system had a whole deal with a gang of persecutors trying to harm the rest of the system- everyone managed to just slowly talk them down and reach an understanding, and since then we've had this philosophy that NOBODY in this system deserves to be hated, or locked away, or hurt, no matter how much they're hurting others. We can always figure something out- hurting them will only make them want to hurt us more. Compassion is the strongest route to change, at least here. They applied that to me- they wouldn't force me to befriend anyone, and wouldn't expect me to be especially nice, but I wasn't allowed to hurt anyone. And in turn, nobody was allowed to hurt me. They protected me from the others just as much as vice versa, since... none of my sourcemates in the system were particularly happy with what I'd done.

I don't even really understand how it happened at this point. I can kind of barely remember it all (for reasons outside of the system). But slowly, over time, my sourcemates started to warm up to me? They started allowing me to be near my previous alter, now turned brother I suppose. Neither of us liked it much, but we didn't hurt each other. And when I started feeling emotions other than anger and hatred for possibly the first time in over a decade, they... were all there for me?

The sister of the princess I killed was also in the system. She was furious with me about it- she even joined that source death game willingly just so she could kill me in there. But she got her memory wiped too, so she never got the chance. If I had succeeded in killing my friend, she would've been my next target. In the system, she straight up hated me, refused to be around me. I still didn't feel bad about anything I'd done or intended to do. We fought. A Lot. Over time, everyone else in the system tried to show me the people I was trying to wipe out were, well, people, and I slowly started to see why I was wrong. And then all of it hit me at once. Oh god, I nearly killed one of the few people who truly believed in me, someone who loved me and I had loved him back before I remembered who i was, and I had killed so many people in the past and laughed about it, and i had killed this woman's sister and then taunted her about it, and oh fuck what is wrong with me. And... I don't even know why. I think it was because she literally could not get anyone else in front. But she had to be there for me as it all came crashing down on me, and she... kind of stopped hating me. She had to hold me as I cried. And she just... did. She could've left me alone in front to deal with that on my own, but she didn't. I was TERRIFIED of her all of a sudden, believing everything she had wanted to do to me was right and justified and I think I even tried to convince her to go through with hurting me while none of the gatekeepers were looking. She refused. She understood why the gatekeepers were so insistent on keeping the peace, and right there she could see evidence of it working. She said I gave her hope that people can change. I think that scared me even more.

One of my sourcemates trusted me almost the entire time we were in that death game- in my canon finale she finally came up to me and said No, she's done believing in me, she's done helping me, she probably hates me now because of everything I've done. She left me to die, and honestly? I don't blame her. In the system, she was terrified of me. She would start to panic every time she was near me. Sometimes I tried to make it worse. But one day I was in front, starting to panic because I was frontstuck for a doctor's appointment I had no memory of what for. And... she was the one who comforted me. She was the one who helped me back out of front. She was also terrified the entire time, but when I seemed to make it clear I wasn't going to lash out, she settled right in to help. She hated our source- hated how everyone was constantly arguing, hated how many betrayals and backstabbings there were. When we introjected me and all my sourcemates, pretty much everyone else realised there's no reason to fight or distrust each other here and everyone became friends pretty quickly. She was ecstatic about that- she still is. She was kind of sad that I was the only one being excluded. She was determined to help me have that, too.

My alter turned brother really really wanted to attack me for nearly killing our best friend. He was actually the one everyone had to hold back from hurting me the most. And... he was also the first person to believe in me in this system. He thought, since we were a system in source, despite us being so different the things that were a part of him were also a part of me. If he had the capacity to be violent, I had the capacity to be kind. He was the first to try to convince the others to be kinder to me. Eventually I realised the amount of damage I'd done to him forcing him into dormancy all those years. He still believed he wasn't any older than twenty, to a point where in source when people called him old he would actually get scared and confused. He still presents that young in headspace. I'd call us twins if it weren't for that, it's just I'm in my mid-30s and he never even got to experience adulthood. I'm kind of glad that our body here is only just starting our twenties. It's like he gets a second chance. He was the main one trying to show me that the people i hated were in fact people. He's the closest now to our best friend I nearly killed. That friend started to be okay with me as soon as my brother did, he trusted my brother's judgement completely. Both of them were so nice to me. I felt like I didn't deserve it for what I'd done not only in source, but my entrance to the system as well. They tried their hardest to convince me otherwise.

I still feel like I don't deserve any of this kindness, don't fully understand why this has all happened. I still keep going on about how I don't even know if I've really changed, can I really change at all- they remind me that I'm so afraid to hurt anyone now that i won't even pick up a weapon now for like... any reason. That seems like change. I'm protective of them. I actually feel guilt, something I never did before. That seems like change. All of my sourcemates have warmed up to me now, all of us are friends. I love them. I protect them where I can, and in turn they protect me. I've learned how to cry again. I've learned how to laugh again. The first time they saw me genuinely smile here everyone cheered, it was so ridiculous but so sweet. Recently we watched through a playthrough of god of war ragnarok, and that kind of hit me close to home, but then everybody told me specifically to watch the valhalla dlc and it kind of broke me. They all want so badly to prove to me that I have changed and I do deserve this kindness now. I love them so much. I wouldn't trade any of this for the world. I'm so glad they were all so damn determined to help me change. Now I do the same for others in the system who are similar to how I used to be. I don't think I can express enough how much they all mean to me. I have a family now, when I was so convinced that after losing my parents I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. I feel their love and care around me like a blanket all the time now. I'm never, ever letting that go.

I really, really love this system.

.

[forasgaard]

12 Months & a Loki

pairing: Loki x Oc warnings: fluff, angst, comfort summary: OC Hanna does an exchange year at the Avengers facility and falls in love with Loki but he never shows interest in her - until that one night. "When I came to the Avengers, my whole life changed. Bruce, Tony and all the others became my best friends. And also that specific god took a big role in my life. That one year in New York didn't just changed my life, it changed who I was."

Masterlist AO3

Notes: english is not my first language

Part 1 | Part 2

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Chapter 1

Someone told me that life goes on. No matter what. At first, that sounded like a simple quote but later on I noticed it was true. Sometimes you just gotta continue. Don't look back. Have your destination on your mind. Because that's the only way for truly living.

If you told me one year ago that my life would change forever, I would've laughed at you. I always thought my life was just too boring to make me a special person. But that's what I was. I experienced all those things I never could've even imagined. That one year in New Tork didn't just changed my life, it changed who I was.

...

I was excited. My luggage felt heavy and I put it on the ground for a few seconds. New York! I was really here! The ten hour flight from Germany to NY City had been exhausting. It was the first time I sat on a plane. But as soon as I saw the first glimpse of city lights, my tiredness shifted into excitement. Adrenaline rushed though my blood.

I streched my neck and looked around the terminal. It was crowded. Much more than Germany. But I mean - what did I expect? This was New York!

I really couldn't belive it. I was finally here and would stayed for a whole year! After I finished school I decided to do an exchange year in America. I always wanted to do that. It felt strange to be here now. And a whole year seemed to endlessly long. But that was my chance. When else do you get the chance to go to New York? Another great thing was that a cousin of my dad lived here.

I can't remember how and why but someday my dad told me about his distantly related cousin and he searched for the address on his computer. His name was Brruce Banner and he lived in Manhattan. Many years ago he lived in Germany but that was before I was even born.

Dad told him from my exchange year plans and he wrote me an email. Bruce was so nice! He was some kind of scientist (I don't know exactly what he's doing) and he had countless doctor degrees.

He told me that he used to delved gammar rays and left Germay for that. Bruce lived in some kind of living community. But soon he told me that he and his friends were special. They were the Avengers.

I thought he was joking when I heard that but it's true. Bruce worked together with the Avengers and he himself was 'the Hulk'. You know that green giant monster that he turn into when he is angry. I asked my father but he didn't know about the Avengers. Bruce assured me that he's telling the truth and that he was hiding his green identity from the news. He said he wasn't dangerous anymore. He had it (the other one) in control.

Then he told me more about his friends. The Avengers. I could remeber New York massacre from 2012. Where the Avengers first came together to fight an evil alien army. The message that earth was not the only planet with living beings flooded the news back then. Gods, Titans and Monsters where everywhere. We even spoke in school about it. Most of it sounded like bullshit but the scenes from the destroeyd city were still stuck in my head. Bruce told me that the attack from the god Loki where their first mission. The reason why they assembled. Now they were a team. Fighting against the evil of this world.

And that's where I wanted to go! At first I hesitated. I mean who want to live together with superheroes who risk theri lives everyday!?

But at the end I decided to go. Bruce said there wouldn't be any problems. They didn't had a mission lately. And if so, a secret organisation would handle it. Bruce's stories made me curious. I googled everyone of his friends and got more and more excited. I wanted to get to know this group!

And now I stood here at the airport in Manhattan and waited for Bruce. When he told me his friend Thor was a norse god, I went through the whole internet to find information about him. I loved the norse mythology and everything that had to do with it. I only found the old sagas but I still binge-read them. I got the chance to meet a real god!

But when Bruce said Thor wouldn't be there I was really disappointed. In Asgard, Thors homeland, he was always needed. Right now they have some trouble with dark evles, Bruce said. He was sorry that I couldn't meet Thor personally but he tried to cheer me up and told me his brother would be there. Also a god. But then he told me that Thor's brother (his name was Loki) had been the one who sent the alien army to New York. I almost cancelled the flight. That guy was a mass murderer! I wasn't suicidal!

But Bruce said there was no need for that. Loki was actually quite nice. And the Avengers were kinda babysitting him and would protect me. Loki was on earth to atone for what he did. So Odin sent him to the Avengers - Loki's arch enemies.

Three weeks before the flight Bruce wrote in an email that Thor was back on earth and that he would stay for a while. So I got the chance to meet two gods! Thor even brought his girlfriend Jane.

So here I was. In the middle of New York. Waiting for Bruce to show up. Suddenly, someone tapped onto my shoulder. I turned around. It was Bruce, holding a to go coffee in his right hand.

"Heeyy! Welcome to New York!" He hugged me and I smiled over my whole face. It was like I'd known him my entire life.

[captainstevenrogerswrites]

@missusrogerswrites

Who would've thought that a fight would lead them to making love in such an intense way? Whether it was the emotions from the fight or the fight itself, this love making felt different but still good. An hour ago, he was so angry at her, that he was fucking her mercilessly against the fridge door and yet now he was thrusting his tongue inside her ass lovingly. He didn't even know what truly started the fight between them, he knew he had nothing to do with the dishes not being done. Those dishes that was now smashed up in the trash and he wasn't going to bring it up either. They had a fight, the first fight in their year of being married, hell they hadn't even really fought as friends but one thing they learnt was when Steven got angry he got sexually rough and both of them seemed to like it.

Her words of using her as a stress reliever, he couldn't help but smile “Hmm, maybe I’ll take you up on that offer after all. Every time someone or something grates against me, instead of holding it inside, I’ll just grab you, pin you against the nearest thing and fuck all the anger out, my sweet, little rag doll”. Thoughts of being on a mission and getting annoyed and grabbing her throwing her against something as he strips her out of her suit fucking her hard and rough making them both cum, or in one of the offices of the Avenger’s building or even coming home pissed off with someone or something, grabbing her by her hair and pinning her against the wall as he fucked her hard. Those thoughts aroused him and made him groan. Why did such a thing turn him on so much? Well he did once tell Tony he hadn't shown his dark side, maybe this was it.

“Oh, God” whimpering out as she told him she wanted him to cum all night “Oh baby, we’re both going to be drained dry when the sunrise comes” and he meant it, yes they had plans to watch a movie and they deserved it and they had to tidy up but he knew neither one of them was going to keep their hands off one another as well and he had no problem whatsoever with that at all, making himself smile.

The buzzing of the vibrator inside of her, he couldn't help but smirk, why hadn't they tried toys before? He knew she no longer used them, she didn't hide the fact she had them and he could imagine those nights he wasn't around her closing her eyes and using this vibrator as she moaned out his name. Damn, he was going to have to see that soon for himself. 

Groaning against her ass, his cock jerked and he loved how when his legs pinned her mouth onto his cock making her gag, she never  wanted to pull away, and he never hurt her either. He had never been in a relationship, let alone a sexual one with anyone before her but he knew she was the only one that would ever be able to handle his strength and stamina and he loved her even more. He didn't have to be careful and treat her like a porcelain doll, she took keep up and take him just as much as he could her.

As his body clung and shook under her, he felt the warm flooding over her juices cover his mouth and beard, purring proudly, his hands massaged her cheeks as his tongue lapped up every drop she drenched him with. Just because they had cum for one another, they both knew this was far from over. 

As she climbed off him, his cock jolted, groaning as he missed her on him already. He always did hate this part when they separated but as she pushed him down on to the pillow, he smiled, his hands reaching to the side of the pillow as he watched her “Yes Ma’am” growling as she shivered “I love this” he murmured as she leaned down, his hands roaming down her curves, purring as she nuzzled into his beard. 

She always did know how to seduce him with her words and it wasn't anything to do with her training either that other people might thing, she was the only one that could seduce him and they both loved the sensation that always brought. They could be in the supermarket getting groceries and all it took was a couple of hushed words in his ear and a few accidental brushes and he could cum right there, wanting to pounce on her right then and there. He remembered the first time she did it and he left the shopping trolley in the aisle as he dragged her into the staff only area and fucked her against boxes of cereal because he couldn't take it anymore. God he loved the effect she always had on him and that would never change. 

Growling at her words, his hands grabbed her ass cheeks, moaning as she stroked her ass along his hard throbbing cock. The vibration of the toy giving them both a sense of pleasure “I love how you beg me Princess” his tone was already husky and deeper than normal. Growling deeper as she tugged his bottom lip, “Your ass is so wet and begging for me to fill you up with my cock isn't it?” he knew he was teasing her with those words and truth be told he was teasing himself too. HIs grip of her ass cheeks tightened as he lifted her ass up and slowly lowered her on to his cock “Oh fuuuuuuuck, you're so wet and tight” he breathed out a gasp. He could feel the vibration of the toy through the thin wall of her ass and his cock that pushed against it “God take me all babygirl like that” he slowly pushed his length in until his tip touched her back wall. He shuddered as he massaged her cheeks “God I've missed your ass” and he meant it, why had it been so long since he made love to her ass? That was going to change for sure. 

As she adjusted to his big size, he rolled her over under him and smiles as he caressed his fingers through her hair “My beautiful Russian Rose” Leaning down he kissed her lips, his hands running down her sides and wrapped her legs around his back as he began to slowly and deeply thrust into her tight hole, moaning into her mouth. This was Heaven and he had no intentions of leaving it.

Lovers Spat. 

@captainstevenrogerswrites

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