#'how are the dating apps going mj' BAD

[thaliagrayce]

upsetting realization on the dating apps today. apparently nothing attracts me more than women who look like sleazy fuckboys.

[panda-writes-kpop]

gimme all your lovin' (all your hugs and kisses too!) ~ k. mj.

a/n: a birthday present for @dark-night-insomniac ❤️ happy birthday, my dear! you deserve all of the love and sweetness that the world can offer you 🫶

tw: partying shenanigans, a non-paladin reader in a paladin AU, a not-so-obvious dirty joke, someone is accidentally cut with a kitchen utensil (safety people!), you may get cavities from the tooth-rotting fluff!

related fics: look at me! look at me!, sorry for party rockin'!, we're never getting back together (like ever?)

summary: your date with Minji is cut short when a pair of your mutual friends call you. you're inevitably dragged into their shenanigans, but it can't be all bad with leftover food and Minji by your side.

♡ Masterlist ♡

You did like going to parties, especially ones that involved Katie and the other Paladins. They were always fun, a bit rowdy at times, but still lots of fun for you. 

“We can go, if you'd like.” JiU lightly squeezes your hand as you stare at the invitation on your phone. “I know someone on the waitstaff, we can push our reservation back an hour or two-”

“No, it's alright, Katie will have to survive without us.” You switch to your messaging app of choice to let Katie know of your decision. “They'll be fine. What could possibly go wrong?”

~

You and JiU, your lovely girlfriend, walk to your home from the restaurant. After a successful date night, neither of you wanted to leave each other alone. You could've called for a ride, but what fun was that? Your apartment was a few blocks down the road, and the weather was fair enough for you to walk back.

“Thank you for dinner tonight.” JiU smiles before lightly kissing your cheek. “I love when we can spend nights together, with just the two of us.”

You chuckle softly, trying to hide your nervousness. You've been dating for a while, but the magnificent goddess next to you still gives you butterflies.

“Anything for you, my dear.” You pull her close with your interlocked hands.

She softly gasps as your free hand lands on her waist. With a beaming smile, one you couldn't resist, she leans in and kisses you.

You kiss her back and pull her as close as possible until your phone buzzes in your pocket.

“Should you get that?” JiU asks as you shake your head.

“It's not as important as you are at this moment.” You ignore the vibrations as she loudly squeals.

“Awww, you're so sweet to me!” She leans in for another kiss, but she's interrupted by her phone ringing. “I'm sorry, love, let me see-”

Her smile drops slightly as she checks the caller ID.

“Who is it?” You tilt your head as you fish your phone out of your pocket.

“It's Dami.”

Your eyes widen as you look at your phone's call history.

“Well, that's not good.”

“Who called you?” 

“Katie.”

You exchange a nervous look with JiU before she picks up her phone. At the same time, you call Katie back, hoping that this isn't as much of an emergency as it seems to be.

~

As you enter JiU's house, the one you've been in before with her and her friends, you stare in complete shock with how trashed the place is. Articles of clothing have landed on ceiling fans and lamps, and some are of the more…. intimate variety. Plastic cups are littered around the stairwell, and a trail of food crumbs leads in and out of the kitchen variety.

“It seems like everyone had fun.” JiU remarks with a small snort at the end of her statement.

You check your phone for the time - 11:45 p.m. - where is everyone?

“We're in here.” Dami calls from the downstairs bathroom, and JiU looks over to the kitchen. 

“I'm going to check around and see if anyone else is here, okay?” She rubs your shoulder before pressing a kiss to your check.

You grab her hand and kiss it before she giggles and heads into the kitchen. You walk forward and take a left into the bathroom, where you gasp at the sight in front of you.

Katie, idly swinging her legs, sits on the bathroom counter top as Dami sits on a wooden stool with a first aid kit in hand.

“Are you hurt?” You rush over to her side as she sighs and shakes her head.

“No, Dami's worrying over nothing-”

“You cut yourself on a kitchen knife. I want to make sure that you're okay before we call everyone back inside.” Dami grabs a bandaid and gently grabs Katie's arm.

“So there's no emergency? No life-ending event?” You lean against the door as you let out a sigh. “You made us worried, you know. You two don't tend to call us unless it's serious. What did you need from us?”

“We could use some help cleaning up, if you don't mind,” Dami disinfectant the wound, which causes Katie to hiss in pain, “plus some people needed some time to cool off outside.”

You look towards a nearby window, where surely enough, a large group of people are gathered in the backyard of the house.

“Will they be alright out there?” You ask.

“King and Kim Lip already flattened the flower bed, and there's not much outside they can wreck besides that.” Dami informs you as JiU joins your side.

“SuA's going to be pissed when she finds out.” JiU adds as Dami places the bandage over the wound on Katie's hand. “How are you going to tell her?”

“Neon said that he and Siyeon had it handled… so I'm leaving it to them.” Dami answers before setting the first aid kit aside. “You're all good to help out with cleaning.”

She lightly taps Katie's knee twice before backing away from the counter. Katie jumps down as Dami sets the stool aside.

“That's your plan for telling SuA?” Your eyes widen as Katie stares at you.

“Do either of you have any better ideas?” She pauses. “No? That's what I thought. Let's clean up the house - maybe we can make the lecture slightly shorter if we do that much.”

~

“How did you end up with this mess?” You pick a red solo cup up from the couch and place it into a garbage bag as Katie plays fifty-two pick-up with a deck of cards on the ground.

“It was supposed to be an intimate gathering between friends, but Ryujin just had to post it everywhere. I had to make extra food, people brought over extra booze, and some people got a little wild. I had to take some people home, like Yeji, who were too drunk to even stand properly.” She explains as you nod your head. 

“And the other Paladins?”

“Mala and Tzuyu are running bets outside over some silly game, Neon and Siyeon are knocked out in another room, Sparrow's run off with Yunjin and Kazuha, and I had to drive Kim Lip and King home.”

“How'd that go?” You ask.

“All they did was sing ‘Sorry For Party Rockin’ acapella for twenty minutes,” Katie shudders as she recalls the memory, “Oh, and they both vomited five seconds after leaving my car, thank God.”

“So it’s been an eventful night?” 

“Most definitely, I have so much blackmail- er, I mean, photos to show you later!” Katie sets the deck of cards aside before heading into the kitchen. “We still have leftover food, if you’re interested in some. I’d feel bad if you guys did all that cleaning and didn’t get anything for it.”

“We’ll be fine, and I should be getting back anyways. It’s well past midnight at this point, and I’m sure people will want to head home-” You start to decline her offer before you hear Minji happily clap from the kitchen.

“Please, Dami, I’ll only have a few bites~” You can practically hear the puppy dog eyes in her words as Dami sighs.

“I know how well that went with the cookies Katie made for me last time-”

“-You didn’t say they were made for you. I saw cookies, so I ate them.” JiU peeks her head into the living room to speak with the girl in question. “Katie, you don’t mind, right?”

“Take as much as you need, I can always make more.” Katie insists before JiU gives her a thumbs up and sends you a wink. “C’mon, darling, let’s eat!”

“We just had dinner!” You sigh as your stomach grumbles at the thought of food. “Maybe a bite or two couldn’t hurt.”

“You two have fun, alright? I’ve got another room to clean up, and Dami’s going to take out the trash before we let everyone back in. You’ll want to be gone by then - our hungry drunks aren’t going to be too pleased with the food being ravaged.”

With that, Katie heads into an extension of the living room as you and JiU head into the kitchen. There’s a wide variety of treats - more than enough to please even the pickiest of eaters.

“She really did make enough food to feed an army.” You stare in wonder as JiU grabs one of the infamous strawberry cheesecake cupcakes. “I thought you weren’t hungry for dessert… were you anticipating an extra snack from Katie?”

“Guilty as charged!” She mumbles between bites.

You both laugh together, and your heart sores as her soft giggles graze your ears. It’s moments like this that remind you why you love JiU - she’s so honest and open about everything.

“I love you.” You say as she turns to you.

“I love you more, my dear.”

“Impossible, really.” You joke before pulling her in for another kiss.

It wouldn’t be the last you share that night, not by a mile. You wouldn’t grow tired of her affections - not now, not ever.

And you had to thank Katie and her friends - they gave you a reason to be even closer to JiU, after all. 

Like you needed to have one in the first place.

[nyeddleblog]

Unrequited. [Part 4]

Pairing: Andrew! Peter Parker x Fem!Reader; Mentions of past Gwen Stacy x Andrew! Peter Parker; Mentions of Mary Jane Watson x Fem!Reader. Warnings: Swearing, Reader trains, in case that counts as a warning. Summary: After last night, you have a nice chat with Peter.

PREVIOUS PART.

Chapter 4: Little intervention.

Coming home from training, you settled on your couch. You heard Peter whistle from the kitchen and cursed him and his naturally well toned body. Sadly, you had to work to achieve it. 

"Fuck off."

Instead, he sat beside you and got a hold of your shoulders, gently rubbing his thumb against your sore muscles. You groaned in annoyance, but it felt good.

"So, had a good time last night?" Peter inquired with a bashful smile, making you raise your eyebrow.

How could you not have a good time with someone like MJ?

"Yeah."

His smile widened.

"Yeah, me too. Felicia is..."

"Oh, wait, no..." you interrupted him, shaking your head. Peter frowned, "I didn't mean with you and Felicia, I meant with my friend."

"Oh."

"Do not fall in love with Felicia, she will break your heart."

"Come on..."

"I don't mean it as in she's a bad person," you said as you stood up and went straight for the coffee machine, which would be the third cup only that morning, "I mean it as in she was totally flirting with me last night. She's not up for anything serious."

There was at least one thing they always agreed on, and it was that they would never hook up with the same girl. Ever. And it usually wasn't an issue, because they had completely opposite types, but girls like Felicia were definitely their middle ground. Peter was lucky that you were just testing the waters, because you could have definitely been with her.

"She wasn't..." Peter tried, and you rolled your eyes, "Okay, maybe she was, but have you thought that maybe that's just her personality? And nothing happened!"

"Because I wouldn't eat off a pussy that had you in it" you stated bluntly. Your roommate blushed at your words and you smirked at him, "Unless you want that."

"Ew, no."

"Then don't be an idiot, Peter."

He sighed and threw his head back against the sofa. Your voice softened then, not wanting to be too cruel with your best friend, "If you're going to settle for someone, maybe try finding someone who wants the same thing you do."

You drank a sip of your coffee and saw the shift in Peter's eyes. He was finally listening, so you continued, "Maybe download a dating app. State your goals."

He nodded.

"Gwen is came back to New York."

You choked on your coffee. 

It's been ten years and he still wasn't over her. 

Ever since she left for Oxford he hadn't been able to get in a committed relationship, it took him five years to even have a fling. You breathed out, giving him a gentle smile as you settled next to him again, "To stay?"

"She's married," Your eyes widened at the statement. You put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly, "That should've been me."

"Well, if it had been we wouldn't have become roommates..." you tried, but it was little to no comfort. 

Who cared about their friendship? The woman he's loved since high school was married to another. It was like La la land all over again, and you cried every time you watched that movie.

He shrugged.

"And what would I do without you?"

You smiled at his question, feeling appreciated, yet you navigated the different outcomes of him actually having left with Gwen.

"Probably eat croissants with Gwen in your honeymoon" you said without thinking, "Or cook her breakfast every morning and make love to her every night."

"You're not helping."

You nodded, "I'm sorry."

"She wants to meet up."

"With you? Damn, maybe you actually have a ch-"

"With us."

You stopped speaking.

"She wants to come over" he elaborated, "It's why I wanted your opinion of..."

"Felicia." You finished his sentence, nodding your head, "So you wanted Gwen to see that you're doing well and have gotten over her by being in a relationship with another cute blonde woman? You know there are other ways to show someone you're doing good in your life, right?"

"Sweetheart, I'm twenty-seven years old and I still have a roommate."

"Peter, I'm also twenty-seven years old and I also still have a roommate" you snapped back, looking at him straight in the eyes, "And I'm successful, I have a well paying job and am pretty much happy. We're just living in one of the most expensive cities in the world."

He sighed, "I know."

"Just tell me when she's coming over and I'll help you clean up the apartment," you shrugged, moving your hands as you planned, "do a really good, grown-up dinner, three courses. And tell her all of your achievements like a proud mother. We could even invite May over!"

"Gwen's coming over tonight."

You left your cup of coffee on the table, "And you didn't tell me?"

"I'm telling you now, aren't I?"

You rubbed your temples with your index fingers, wondering why were you stuck in this situation if you could definitely pay for an apartment all for yourself. 

"Okay..." you breathed out, "You clean and I cook?"

NEXT PART.

TAGLIST: @marcspectorondeeznuts @slutfortheblog @chaoticaptendyte let me know if you want in or out of the taglist<3

[moralalee]

21/08/2024 (1)

It is a Wednesday. So, it has been a long time since I used this blog. I actually forgot completely about its existence. When I found it, I didn’t remember that I had been logging essentially full days on here or that I captured my feelings from right before lockdown. I started reading and I felt sad when I reached the end and realised I hadn’t written anymore. It felt nice to get this little glimpse into a part of my life I don’t remember well. My memory is so bad that there are a lot of pieces that are just gone for me. It was really nice to read, even if I couldn’t tell who I was talking about half the time.

I decided I wanted to start recording things again. It could be good for future Lee to know what’s happening with me now and how I’m feeling, to record the patterns I’m following and make it easier to see things clearly with hindsight. It was funny realising how much I’ve grown in a few years. I was such a teenager (sorry young Lee, you’d probably find that extremely patronising).

I’ve updated the blog, a new background and pfp. My old one was also of Marceline, but I wanted something new to reflect my shift. I think this one suits current Lee more. I also just had to go back and change my name in everything I wrote because I forgot about the alias of “Lee”. On that note, I need to update my little code names I had for the people in my life. I don’t know anymore who the majority of them are, so I’m doing my own or changing them up a little. Here’s a list for my own reference:

BF - still my best friend, now my flatmate.

CW - used to be CS. I don’t have any reason for preferring CW, I just like it more. This is my twin (not literally but I know what that means).

ALT - this one is cute because the initials are correct (so I can understand them) and also because she’s adopted an awesome alternative style.

DJ - younger sister.

MJ - younger brother.

LM - baby brother.

MR - baby sister.

My coworkers are - BR, CA, SC and RB.

Obviously people like parents, grandparents, etc can just be “Mum, Dad” and so on.

Okay, I want the rest of this post to be a (semi) succinct catchup. Let’s try cram about 4 years of life into bite-size.

Obviously I’m no longer in high school. Tried college, tried uni, tried online uni part-time. Dropped out of all of these. Actually, I was kicked out of college because I stopped going to classes. Anyway, I’m now working full-time in an office. Best job I’ve ever had, but it’s tough and it isn’t a career. I moved out and now live in a flat with BF. I got an axolotl when I was 19 and we recently adopted a cat! William & Luca get to just have their real names on the blog, I doubt they worry about privacy. Currently single, currently off dating apps. Started going to the gym about a month ago, not attending perfectly but I’m trying. Started baking weekly around the same time, it’s now a favourite hobby and makes me really happy. I started on the pill on Sunday, feeling like a hypochondriac about it. Don’t know what my life plan is, no matter how much Mum asks me. I turned 22 last month.

Of course, I’ve missed a lot out there but that’s just bringing myself up to speed. I doubt I’ll be as regular with journalling as I was when I was younger (my life is a lot less eventful now). I think this can be a good exercise for myself though. Now that we’ve finished our table setting, I’ll make a proper journal entry in my next post.

[dawnie1988]

Summary: When setting up a dating profile, a picture really is worth a thousand words. And it turns out that, sometimes, getting that perfect photo requires the assistance of a helping hand

Words: 1,853

Pairings: Dean, Unnamed OFC - Who may or may not be loosely based on the same woman who inspired this whole thing in the first place

Warnings: Language, Bad Lighting, Impatient Doggies......That should just about cover it

A/N: Umm, so surprise! I did a thing! Inspired by this *gif set* and the subsequent conversation after with the amazing @thoughtslikeaminefield​​ regarding just how it was Dean got that profile picture for the dating app. It was only meant to be a fun little joke type thing of sorts, but after getting love and encouragement from some very fine ladies that I admire greatly, it is now seeing the light of tumblr. Miss MJ was also kind enough to give it a look through for a little clean up and any major mistakes and created the fantastic header! It really does pay to have friends in high places 😊

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

This was stupid.

 He was, he had no problem saying, one of the best hunters in the world. He had saved the world multiple times. Yeah, ok, maybe Sam helped a little, but still. He had fought both heaven and hell more times than he could count anymore.

 And yet, here he stood, unable to get one decent picture of himself.

 Stupid.

 It was the only thing left to do to complete his profile, to add his profile picture. He had been very tempted to just leave it blank, or just put a logo of something he liked. But that wouldn't do. You go on a dating site and refuse to put up an actual photo of yourself? Pshhh, yeah, because that doesn't just scream: STRANGER DANGER! I HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE!

 The whole point was to attract potential dates, not scare them away before he even had a chance to lay on the charm. And, plus, how would he attract anyone without actually showing off the goods?

 Advertising. It's all in the advertising.

The problem was, try as he might, he couldn't get a fitting picture of himself. Not one that truly showed off his full appeal.

 What? He wasn't allowed to think himself a handsome son of a bitch without being considered arrogant? Screw that! Body positivity, man. We're all beautiful in our own way, we should all believe it.

 Maybe he should put that in his profile too? Didn't chicks dig shit like that? Whatever…

 The photo. That was the issue. He couldn't ask Sam to do it, fuck no. He'd never let Dean hear the end of it if he knew he even had a dating profile. Besides, this was none of Sam's business. What Dean did in his private time was his and his alone.

 But, as it turned out, Dean wasn't very proficient in the art of selfie-taking. For one, the lighting in the bunker was horrendous. He'd gone all throughout their underground home and the results were either him bathed in shadows or being completely washed out underneath the harsh, fluorescent lights.

 And trying to find a flattering angle was damn near impossible! How the hell all those social media people did it was beyond him. Clearly, they were using every filter imaginable to improve their outcome. Not him though. Artificial was not his style. No enhancements needed.

Self. Love. People.

 It was as he was pacing around in the garage, trying to formulate his next plan of attack when inspiration struck. He caught Baby's eye — er, headlight, and Yahtzee!

 Baby was a total chick magnet. And, where did they both shine the most? That's right, out in the clear wide open. On the road, sun shining, not a care in the world. Natural lighting.

 Perfect.

 He drove for a while, scouting possible locations along the way while also simply enjoying the quiet time with Baby. Even if he was on a mission.

 Eventually, he pulled off the road near a lakefront that also served as a nice walking path for nature lovers. It was a beautiful, clear day, the whole scene very idyllic.

 This was it. This was the spot.

 However, there was still the hiccup of actually getting the picture taken. After the slightly traumatizing experience of trying to take his selfie, he couldn't bring himself to attempt that avenue again. He thought he could still do it himself regardless. There was a fence nearby, all he had to do was set the timer on the phone and presto! Done!

 You would think, that is.

 In reality, every time he tried to prop his phone up it would fall back down before he could even make it back to Baby.

 Just as he was about to throw the godforsaken device, like an angel from heaven — the fairytale kind, not the dicks with wings — she appeared.

 "Need some help there?"

 As if he had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to, Dean quickly whipped around and was greeted by the lovely sight of a woman, perhaps a little older than himself, walking her two dogs.

 He took just a moment, because he simply had too, to admire her beauty. Sun-kissed skin, freckles that put his own to shame, friendly hazel eyes that held a multitude of warmth…

 Yes. An angel seemed a very apt description.

 Dean cleared his throat before an uncomfortable amount of silence was allowed to pass between them, feeling a slight blush tinged his cheeks when his mind came back around to acknowledge her question.

 "Uh, actually I umm… yes," he fumbled out.

 Why was he suddenly nervous? He felt so out of place now, he didn't like it. Still, he continued.

 "You see, I…"

 The woman cut him off — a mercy killing, it felt like to Dean — with a raised hand.

 "Let me guess, dating profile?" she asked, not at all trying to hide the knowing smirk.

 Something in Dean loosened at the understanding he found in his new acquaintance’s gaze. Shoulders relaxing, he let out a slightly bashful chuckle while giving a one-shoulder shrug.

 "Guilty. That obvious, huh?"

 She gave a small shake of her head. "Game recognizes game. I have my own experience and horror stories involving the dreaded profile picture. If you want, I can give you a hand?"

 Dean's eyes lit up at the offer. He knew it. He was not ashamed of it.

 "Yeah?"

 She laughed at his eagerness, a sweet-sounding melody, Dean noted to himself.

 "Sure. After all, I couldn't just leave you here without putting you out of your misery first. I'm no monster."

 She was teasing, of course. It didn't stop Dean from having to bite his tongue and swallow the comment about monsters that begged to be spoken. If only he had a nickel for every time he had heard that line.

 "Okay, awesome. Thank you."

 "No problem," she replied easily, accepting the phone he was handing over. "And I'm assuming you want that beauty in the photo with you?" she asked him, indicating Baby, earning a proud smile from Dean in return.

 As he said, Baby was a total chick magnet.

 "Duh."

 She laughed again, much louder and freer this time and the sound again had Dean grinning as he made the walk over to his trusty wing woman.

 "Nice choice. Okay, then, handsome, what are we going for here?"

 Dean faltered in his step slightly. "Uhh, how do you mean?"

 "I mean," she paused for a moment, readjusting the grip she had on the two leashes when the pooches started getting antsy. "What vibe are you trying to portray here? Brooding? Mysterious? Friendly?"

 "Oh, right!" Dean nodded his understanding.

 He thought it over, tilting his head slightly as he contemplated the pros and cons of the different choices in his head.

 "May I offer a suggestion?"

 "Sure, by all means."

 "Well, online dating can be intimidating enough as it is," she began matter-of-factly. "All you've got is a picture and a few words to go on. So, speaking solely on my own experiences, I tend to gravitate towards the more friendly option. You try to be sexy and it feels too put on and forced. You try to be mysterious and all I'm left thinking is what are you trying to hide. But friendly, easy-going and approachable is always a winner. That, makes me want to get to know you a little more. At least enough to read your profile anyways."

 Dean, eyebrows raised and mouth pulled down some, nodded in appreciation. This lady really knew what she was talking about.

 "Right, so friendly it is, then." He clapped his hands together and went to lean against Baby's side before stopping, thinking it over a second and deciding to hop on the hood instead, talking out his thoughts as he tried to determine the perfect pose.

 "So, not too posey, don't try too hard but at least put a little effort in to show I care…." he fidgeted around for a few moments more before falling into a comfortable, casual feeling position. "How's this?" he looked up, waiting for some affirmation.

 Dean would be lying if he said her genuine smile didn't make his stomach flutter a bit.

 "Looks good. Okay, on the count of three, give me your most inviting smile. No teeth though, just easy breezy. Ready?"

 "Ready."

 "One, two, three."

 She tapped the screen to capture the shot and immediately started walking over after checking the results. "I think we have a winner here."

 She handed the phone over to him and he couldn't help the satisfied smile from gracing his lips.

 Damn, he looked good.

 "Nice," he complimented her photography skills. "Well, Hell, I think you're right, I think this is it."

 He made quick work of uploading the photo to the app and confirming his information before finally hitting the 'submit' button to post his profile. He then turned the phone around for her to see again. "Whaddya think?"

 She leaned in closer, shoulder bumping his and dogs yapping around their legs as she looked over his full profile before nodding in approval. "Yup, you'll be beating them away with a stick in no time!"

 His chest may have puffed up with pride a little. Only a little.

 "Yeah? Awesome." He exited out of the app, ignored the text message from Sam wanting to know where the Hell he was and slid his phone into his back pocket.

 "Thanks again. It's, ah…" he brought a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. "All pretty awkward, but you were a big help."

 She gifted him with a megawatt smile as she untangled her dogs from around his legs, getting them ready to continue their walk. "No problem. Good luck with all that. Stay safe out there!"

 She began walking away and Dean found that he couldn't not do it. He had to, right?

 Right.

 "Hey!" he called out, switching gears and putting on his 'wooing' smile, lowering his voice an octave. "Ya know, maybe if you're not busy, I can take you for a cup of coffee or something sometime? My way of..." Dean let the tip of his tongue sneak out to wet his bottom lip while giving her a once over. "Thanking you, properly?"

 She was silent for a moment, brows raising slightly in surprise before a slow smile started to brighten her face up once more. She looked down for a tick, letting out a sound of amusement before meeting his eyes once again.

 "That's sweet, and I'm flattered, really, but I'm afraid I can't."

 Dean's smile fell some in disappointment. "Oh."

 "It's just — your profile says that you’re seeking woman,” she explained, much to Dean's confusion.

 "Oh...?" he trailed off, brows pinched as she started walking backward and away from him.

 "So am I."

 She gave him a wink before turning fully and continuing on. Out of his life.

 Dean could only roll his eyes.

 "Figures," he muttered grumpily to himself as he made his way back to Baby. "All the good ones are either taken or gay."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Tagging the cheerleading squad I had behind this: @thoughtslikeaminefield​ @fangirlxwritesx67​ @itmighthavebeenintentional​ @there-must-be-a-lock​ @cracksinthewalls​ @rockhoochie​ @mskathywriteswords​ @fookinghelljensensthighs​ @cherry3point14​ @lastactiontricia​ @icemankazansky​ @stusbunker​ @justcallmeasmodeus​

[breefarrow]

Ok so it's been almost 2 days for me I have been reading what others have said on twitter and tumblr stans, I've had the time to process my thoughts and now here is my thoughts I get...

So some people hold their favs on a pedestal which is why those people are the ones SUPER hurt by what happened. We shouldn't have our favs on a pedestal or we will be let down everytime they make a mistake. They are humans just like us and aren't above others we have all made mistakes heck I've made more mistakes then I can count. We love our favs and need to hold them accountable when they do something they shouldn't but like I said their humans and they aren't perfect. A lot of celebs haven't really been following guidelines bc their so out of touch with reality and have quite a lot of privilege [especially if their white] and that is a problem that should definitely be talked about.

It is very sad and disappointing what happened the last few days both of the breaking covid restrictions with everything happening here in California and how this will negatively [ actually already has negatively] effected both Olivia and Harry. A lot are just so confused and hard and just over all tired of all this. Everything we have had to deal with as of late and now this it's just idk gut wrenching knowing all the things families [including my own] have gone through bc of the pandemic and they do THIS.

I 100% agree with people [mostly mean this next part with the twitter stans] calling Harry out for what happened it should be talked about but my issue is with some OT5s not treating each member who didn't follow covid guidelines the same. Some OT5s say they have a lane but there is a difference between having a lane and having said lane on a pedestal while having another member half out the door on supporting them. Example of what I mean their was an OT5 I saw who has a Niall lane and when we got pics of him at a large dinner party with no one wearing masks they defended him to the tooth and nail but with the Harry thing they were so upset and wanted to leave. Another example was an OT5 with a Liam lane fought tooth and nail when we got pics of Liam and Maya surrounded by a ton of people during one of the protests with neither wearing a mask but with the Harry thing they were very upset with him.

You must hold ALL who haven't fullly followed guidelines accountable bc if your giving "your lane" a slap on the wrist and then seeing flames with another member does something then it doesn't seem like you actually care about the problem at hand and you CLEARLY love and support one over another in a negative way. TBH Zayn is the only member who has FULLY followed covid guidelines throughout this entire pandemic and for that I respect him a lot more.

If your a newer stan this PR pap walk is a nightmare to you it's ok it will be ok bc if you talk to an older stan then they will tell you this is sadly not the worst we've been through. 2015 we had to deal with louis close to tears announcing he was going to be a dad when he wasn't and then had the nightmare of 2016 BG stunting every week and Dani pap tuesdays all to hide the fact that Louis is gay. So this is not the worst and to me it's welp another stunt I hope will pass soon.

Thanks to this shitty stunt they pulled Harry has yet another label on to the list of horrible labels GP or media have on him bc of Harry's management. He was already seen as a queerbaiting womanizer and an arrogant ahole who doesn't care much for his fans but now he looks like a homewrecker who sleeps with people to get movie roles. Neither Olivia or Harry will be taken seriously after this when it comes to movies. So I don't know whose idea it was thinking this would help with movie promo bc this helps no one and makes everyone involved look like a piece of shit.

I know the biggest thing that rubed people the wrong way [besides the wedding happening at all] was Harry looking happy and officiating the wedding so now some think Harry is possibly friends and actually likes jeff. But look at it this way we have pics of Harry with the CEO of Sony who EVERYONE knows is basically the devil in disguise who you don't want to mess with. Jeff's dad has ALOT of power in the western music business and when winning an award they said he was like the devil but we all love him WHAT?! MJ and Prince made it clear how BAD the music business is and many dont speak up like they do bc those who speak out it doesn't go well.

Harry has been in and dealing with the music business for almost a decade joining when he was only 16 he must have learned by now how things work and how he has to act and play apart where it seems like he likes these people bc Hollywood is all about pretending, with fake smiles and fake lives. To think it's not possible he was acting when he has 10 years of expereince of faking being happy in the business is not a stretch. When he was only 16/17 you saw him cry and be insecure now he has learned how to fake being happy and except what is going on.

A lot think it is a stretch that the wedding was all a pre planned thing to help push a narrative but look at BG. At the beginning of BG it seemed crazy to think they faked a story and changed louis whole image to make it seem like he got some girl pregnant and had him fake having a kid to hide his sexuality but it became clear that's what happened. I get called crazy and delusional on other apps daily for thinking that kid is not louis saying they wouldn't do that to him louis wouldn't allow this to happen BUT IT DID bc he isn't free and has NO say it what happens So this wedding being fake just to push a PR stunt relationship and the H is good friends with Jeff narrative is not a stretch.

There are articles that prove Jeff was already married to his wife since at least February 2020, we have more pics and articles about Harry and Olivia then of the married couple, why were there paps or drowns at a small intimate wedding of someone who isn't well known when big wedding of big celebs have no pap pics and if it was a guest list of only around 20 then why was Harry allowed a plus one date and heck why was Harry himself who is just a coworker allowed at this small wedding? If you were the couple you would JUST have immediate family and maybe your closes friend not a coworker and their 3 week gf. I think this was all an massive stunt to push a couple narratives.

One think I never get is the fans who when anything happenes stunt wise with louis they say this is all a stunt, it's fake, he has no control over anything and he's no where near free but when this happened with harry they go he's fully free, start thinking maybe Jeff and him are friends, and saying they wouldn't go to this extreme to push a narrative. NEITHER Louis or Harry are anywhere near free! I'd say the Azoffs have as much if not more power then Cowbell ever did.

My thoughts [more directed towards twitter stans here] hypothetically speaking if this was some kind of wedding ceremony for Cowbell and Louis was there everyone on twitter would say the ceremony is a stunt to make them look like their still friends after Syco parting. Just bc Harry gets promo or more response from GP, and people knowing his name then Louis doesn't mean he is anymore free then Louis. Realistically no one in the industry under Sony is free every aspect of their life is monitored and controlled.

All of what I have seen and read shows this stunt worked well even better then BG did bc I do see some fans who now think H might actually be friends with Jeff, the GP thinks he sleeps with people to get roles, the media are making jokes about this "new relationship", some henries are making jokes about him being a homewrecker. In ZERO WAY was this a good idea at all and helps NO ONE! The people running what happens to harry need to be careful bc if they keep going as they do soon EVERYONE [except henries who think he's hot] will hate him and not want to hear about him ever again. That is if this mess didn't do that already bc this stunt rubbed so many people the wrong way I wouldn't be surprised if people said I'm done I'm leaving I can't with this anymore.

I will say for myself I have been around almost 10 years supporting them hoping one day we will see them be free and happy. They are trying hard, harder then ever to get rid of us. They WANT us gone but I won't leave, I can't go anywhere not when I've been apart of this for so long already. I'm here, I'm staying, I WILL stay until they are out and free even if that takes another 5 to 10 years.

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

“ how the hell did this happen? ” - starker

Fire, Burning Me Up

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark (Starker) Rating: Mature (M) Notes: For some reason, my brain went to this - hope you don’t mind!  Word Count: ~2k Summary:

Peter is transfixed by the man at the bar - a firefighter with a trimmed goatee and the most gorgeous eyes. What he expects to be something fun turns into something that could easily turn into forever. 

do the thing, send in all the prompts

The first time Peter saw him, he was out for drinks with Ned and MJ – they’d been balls deep in thesis research for the last ten days, getting out of the dimly lit lab and behind the wood of a bar absolutely needed to happen. He just didn’t expect that night to change the rest of his life like it did.

Peter liked to let the image of the man he’d come to know as Tony sit in the front of his mind, like a picture in a wallet or sitting on his desk in a frame. The NYFD on the back of his shirt was the first thing to draw him in. In all of his adult life, Peter hadn’t encountered a firefighter before. May’s cooking was dismal, and the local Queens department knew her by name, but he hadn’t had any unfortunate accidents like that since moving out and starting his schooling at TISCH; and that was 6 years ago.

He was sitting next to a beefy blonde man who was in the same shirt – the firehouse numbers on the side of their sleeves matched, too. There were a couple of empty stools next to them, but drinks rested in front of them waiting for their owners to return. Peter watched the two men closely, the obvious familiarity between them much like him and the two goons getting sloppy at their table. His breath caught when Tony turned to look at him. He could’ve gotten lost in the cognac color of his eyes; they were warm and staring at him intently.

Already too deep into the staring contest to look away, Peter flashed him a smile. In the times they’d talked about it since then, Tony told him it looked shy on his end, but he remembered feeling confident, happy to have caught his attention. Tony didn’t hesitate to smile back, either. The side of his mouth crinkled when he did, the well taken care of goatee framing the look on his face spectacularly. He mouthed ‘hi’ at Peter and shook his own beer bottle, his eyebrows raising.

Looking down at the last sip of his beer, Peter picked it up and downed it. He watched Tony chuckle and turn to flag down the bartender. For a few seconds, Peter forgot he was with his friends – MJ’s voice stopped him as he got out of his chair with the clear determination to head across the bar. “Where you off to, Petey?” He caught her eye and saw the sarcasm swimming there – in all the time he’d known her, MJ lived to give him shit.

“There’s a firefighter at the bar that’s making eyes at me. I’m going to go see what all the fuss is about.” Nodding his head at her, Peter turned back around, his long legs carrying him over to the bar dizzyingly quick. The seat next to Tony was vacant, the tall blonde now hovering over by the pool tables across the room.

It probably should’ve felt weird, sitting down next to a total stranger – but it didn’t. Tony turned towards him with a smile, his eyes gleaming in the fluorescent light. “Hey – I’m Tony.” It was simple and wholesome and the hand that Peter grasped a second later was rough and fit so nicely against his palm.

Peter switched to something a little lighter so he could absorb everything about Tony – they spent the rest of the night talking about his Interactive Telecommunications degree and where he wanted to take it after graduation in a couple of months. Tony told him about the fire station that he manned as the acting chief – he kept a smile on his face the entire time he recalled the men that worked with him and the adventures they’d been on. 

Some of them made Peter cringe with a terrible sort of discomfort – but, they were interesting and made Tony even more badass than he initially thought.

The biggest shocker of the night came when Tony mentioned a 5-year-old daughter. He’d been married briefly before deciding that hiding in the closest wasn’t worth all the heartache he’d caused. His ex-wife kept Amelia during Tony’s nights on shift, and the rest of the time was spent with Tony, learning and getting into as much trouble as possible. 

A piece of his mind was jumping up and down, trying to signal the need to get out while he still could. Peter wasn’t keen on that, though – Tony caught his attention; that was so much more than anyone else in his life over the last few years.

Over another 3 drinks, Peter got to know more and more about the fire engine driver turned team lead – he had a degree in Mechanical Engineering and originally got into firefighting just to work on the trucks. Every new piece of him made Peter wanted to know more, so when Tony asked him for his number a couple of hours later, he didn’t hesitate to give it to him.

They had a date planned before Peter walked back to his apartment with the friends he eventually caught up to. The smile on his face gave him away – he spent the rest of the early morning telling MJ about Tony; she grinned at him the entire time he talked.

“You’ve got it bad, Cupcake,” MJ stated plainly, her arm wrapping around his shoulder when he didn’t deny it. The blush on his face was answer enough, anyway.

Actually dating Tony Stark was even more interesting the man himself. He kept the weirdest hours, because of the many chaotic days he was used to at the station. It took a while for Peter to adjust to the requests to meet Tony in the weirdest places, but he did for the sake of the precious human who wanted his attention. The very first time he met Amelia, Tony texted him to meet him at the grocery store – he had a few hours to spare and wanted to have Peter there for them.

The little girl didn’t bat and eye – she held out her hand the same way her father did when Peter first sat down next to him. “I’m Amelia,” she said simply, the 5-year-old way more articulate than Peter was at that age.

“Hey Amelia, I’m Peter.” He gave her small hand the briefest of squeezes before letting go, a beaming smile slipping across his face. She looked so much like Tony; it was kind of eerie.

She nodded her head at him, her own lips tilting up into a grin. “I know. Daddy spent the last half an hour telling me all about you. You do cool things with art, right?” Tony looked at her with narrowed eyes when she threw him under the bus – she laughed and shrugged; the man’s own gesture being used against him. “Well, it’s true.”

Peter wanted to throw his arms around the two of them – he didn’t know that he could like Tony any more than he already did, but he was constantly being proven wrong. He looked between them before answering, his arms seriously itching for a group hug. “I’m not mad about that. It’s kind of cute,” he said, looking up at Tony with a quick wink. “That is me, though. I’m currently doing research with Virtual Reality creation and usage.”

How quickly he bonded with Amelia amazed him – it was even more seamless than his connection with Tony. The girl was smart and curious; she asked why constantly and wanted to know how everything worked. Sometimes, Peter would head over to the Stark household just to hang out with Amelia; Tony’s schedule was perfect for random drop-ins that turned into hours watching the girl while his boyfriend ran into work because of some crisis or another.

During one of the many times that happened, Amelia had the idea to make cupcakes. She talked him into downloading the Pintrest app and searching for the most complex ones that she could find. The smile that passed across her lips when she realized he would be helping her making rainbow unicorn cupcakes made it worth it – no matter how much he would wholeheartedly deny it.

Tony didn’t do a lot of cooking, so they had to wait for a grocery delivery to get to the house. While they did, Amelia told him about all of the unicorns they would be making and the names she picked out for each of them. Peter sincerely hoped they’d be able to make something at least edible – the thought of her crippling disappointment almost enough to make him back out at the last minute.

Always one to keep his promise, Peter shook his head and found some resolve – they were cupcakes, how bad could it really be? When the doorbell rang, Peter set Amelia up with some crayons at the table and went to grab the bags from the delivery guy. He gave him a good tip for all of the help and carried their loot back to the kitchen.

Luckily, Amelia was still young enough to not know the difference between from scratch and out of the box – Peter poured the white cake mix into the bowl before she could even question it. They cracked a couple of eggs and added the oil and water – she used both hands on the whisk to combine the mixture. Peter might’ve got a video of it, but he knew better than to tell her that. When she deemed it mixed enough, they separated it into a couple of Ziploc bags and added the different shades of food coloring to try and mimic the colors from the recipe.

They weren’t quite the same, but she didn’t seem to mind to much.

Distracted by the need to get the frosting out and into a bowl so they could get it ready to get it on the cupcakes, Peter set the oven way hotter than necessary. It didn’t even occur to him to check – Amelia was demanding that they get the colors spot on this time around.

By the time that Peter noticed the fire, the oven was steaming black smoke and the detectors in the house whirred with loud pitched sounds. Amelia covered her ears and ran to the pantry. She threw open the door and started gesturing wildly. 

Knowing that’s where they kept the fire extinguisher, Peter ran over and grabbed it. “Get out of the kitchen, Ames. Go call your dad and tell him I’m an idiot.” She quirked a brow at him but was quick to comply. Being the child of a fire chief meant that she knew how to get ahold of her father and 911.

It wasn’t nearly as bad as he figured by the billowing smoke flying out of the oven as he sprayed the foam over it. All of the cupcakes were totally charred, but the entire oven wasn’t up in flames – so he counted that as a win. When he could think clearly, he called out to Amelia – her feet on the tile floor sounding immediately, the little girl flying into his arms before he knew it. “Are you okay?”

She nodded, her arms around his neck. “I’m fine – Dad sounded a little grumpy on the phone. He’s on his way, though.” Her lips grazed his cheek, like the consolation of her affection would be enough to smooth the entire situation over. He kept her in his arms until Tony walked in the back door, a panicked look on his face.

Amelia got down and ran over to Tony – he leaned over to grab her without a second thought. “How the hell did this happen?” Tony questioned; his eyes wide as he took in the mess of the oven. “If you were trying to burn the cupcakes, you totally succeeded.” The words were meant to soothe the blow, his attempt at a smile making Peter laugh.

“We were trying to make rainbow unicorn cupcakes. I got so caught up on making the icing perfect that I… forgot them. The smoke was black, so they were really burnt. I’m sorry,” Peter muttered, his hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. He’d been pretty stupid, putting someone else’s daughter in danger the way he did.

Yet, when Tony and Amelia’s arms came around him, he was enveloped in the sort of hug that suggested relief for his sake as well. “I’m glad you’re okay,” Tony whispered, his lips pressing against Peter’s ear.

The gagging sound Amelia made had Peter pressing in, giving her a sloppy kiss right in the middle of her forehead.

Peter didn’t expect a family to come out of chatting with a cute guy at a bar, but now that he had it, he sure as fuck wasn’t letting it go.

[spiderman-homecomeme]

Situation 14 and sentence 12 Also congratulations!!! I’ve always loved your spideychelle content 😀it never fails to entertain me because your writing it top notch ❤️❤️

You are too nice!! thank you so much, for being so lovely and for your support!!

Also I hope you’re not lactose intolerant because this shit is EXTRA CHEESY WOO

Situation: 14 - Stuck together for a long period of time

Sentence: 12 - “If you’re so bored, I have other ideas on how to pass the time…”

.

.

“If you’re so bored, I have other ideas on how to pass the time…” 

Her shy words echo in Peter’s mind as his heart flutters. He watches her with wide eyes and a dopey grin as she practically sprints out of his hotel room and into hers, making sure to grab his room key, muttering a quick “Be right back!” before she disappears.

It’s been a whopping five hours of being cooped up, the entire Decathlon team having to stay another night at the Comfort Inn and Suites of Washington D.C. due to some rough inclement weather. Mr. Harrington figured that if the students couldn’t make it two steps outside the hotel without eating shit, then having the bus drive the four-ish hours back on a half-inch of ice probably wasn’t the best idea. 

It wasn’t so bad, at first. After all, just getting to spend time with his brand new girlfriend was pretty darn exciting, even if he was just watching her read. 

But eventually, Peter had grown restless, fidgeting incessantly, fingers tapping to no particular rhythm, to the point where MJ had had enough. 

He’d apologized, blaming it on having so much pent up energy.

To which she responded, her tone a mix of alluring suggestion and uncertain awkwardness, with:

“If you’re so bored, I have other ideas on how to pass the time…” 

And so, he’s here, waiting not-so-patiently for her to return with whatever she thought was going to ease his boredom. They hadn’t been dating very long, their relationship still in that phase where neither of them really know how to act around each other quite yet. Everything’s new and exciting, miles of uncharted territory ahead of them still. 

And they hadn’t done very much in the, ahem, intimacy department yet, not venturing any farther than some over-the-clothes second base during their heated make-out sessions. 

What could she possibly be getting?

Millions of provocative ideas and scenarios pop into his head, and if at all possible, they make him even more fidgety than before she’d left the room. 

In his nervous excitement, he figures he should Set the Mood™, just for her, and he turns off the overhead light, leaving the two bedside lamps (if he had candles, he’d totally light those, but he figures it’ll have to do). He scrambles, hesitating a moment before opening the Spotify app on his phone. He picks the “MJ❤️” playlist—the one where he has a whole list of songs that remind him of her, the one that he does not plan on telling her about—and blindly picks, smiling to himself when the soft music comes through the tinny speakers. 

The sound of the lock clicking and unlocking causes him to nearly jump out of his skin, and in a moment of panic, he hastily tugs off his shirt, chucking it somewhere in the room, before throwing himself onto the bed, assuming a trying-way-too-hard-to-be-casual pose.

“Okay, so I’ve got Bananagrams, Scrabble Slam, uhm, Uno, or—” 

At the sight, MJ nearly drops the various card games in her state of shock. She clumsily tries to maintain her grip on them as she stares wide-eyed and dumbfounded, Peter’s own expression matching hers.

Oh.

Oh no.

That’s not at all what she meant—

“—Your… Your shirt’s gone,” she points out, eyes quickly traveling his body in a way that makes his face burn.

“Oh! Yeah. That.” Peter’s voice comes out an octave higher, breathy and tight. “Just figured… I’d… uh, change.” He tries and fails to explain himself, arms folding across his chest. 

Her face scrunches in confusion for a moment. “Is that Ed Sheeran?”

“You brought games??” He spits out, gesturing vaguely. 

“Oh, uh, yeah.” She shrugs, the almost forgotten card games still clutched in her hands. “I did.”

“Scrabble Slam sounds fun!” 

“Cool.”

There’s a beat of silence as neither of them move, and Peter realizes with a start that he’s still very much shirtless, and that MJ seems to be a bit distracted by the fact that his muscles are just out like that. He chuckles breathily, shifting over to where he’d thrown the discarded tee. “Oh! Sorry! I’ll just… put my shirt… back on…” 

“No, wait,” she stops him, a shy smirk tugging at the corner of her lips, her voice slow and timid as her eyes move to meet his. 

“Leave it off.”

[praphit]

Another Year, Another Recap - “Have a Coke and a smile... :)”

So, we're getting to the end, people. We're about to finish off another year. Personally, this year has been immensely better than the last.

I didn't even want to stay up and do any celebrating at the end of 2018. I just wanted to go to bed and be done with that bleepin year. This year has been a hell of a lot better. I hope that all of you can say something similar, but if not, there's always going to bed early, and putting your hope in the next year.

This past Christmas (and all Christmas', really) I spent time doing a lot of hating on Christmas music; it's a valued tradition of mine. I am, however, always surprised to find a few songs each year that don't bother me all that much. This year, one of them was John Legend's "Baby, It's cold outside" ft Kelly Clarkson  

- a rewritten, sans rapey vibe rendition to boot its 1940's something predecessor.

In this version (at least how I interpret it), both people wanted some action that night. John says all of the right stuff ("I'll call you a car", "maybe you SHOULD go"), creating a safe environment, and most importantly, not coming off as sleazy and rapey. He's also protecting himself with this recording:) But, let's be clear... he wants some, and he wants it bad! While Kelly, also wants some, but doesn't want to come off as being a hoe. Nobody wants to be labeled a hoe.  So, she says all of the right things as well ("My dad and brother are waiting for me", "I've gotta visit my sick grandma", "Gotta get home to the KIDS") But, at the end of the night, they both make a decision to sing to one another "Baby, It's cold outside, so let's stay in and BLEEP." That's how you do it! No guilt! No #METOO! No wife and kids around. All is well:) Divorces are still rising, and more older people (as well as old as bleep people) are on dating apps than ever before. Consider this song a Christmas gift from John & Kelly to you.

Sexiest man alive in 2019 btw

Congrats. Classic coming-up-out-of-the-water sexy.

There has been some good music in 2019. Good stuff happening. Also some sad and weird stuff happening in music - all things balance out, I suppose.

GOOD:

Lizzo

I am here for all things Lizzo.

SAD & WEIRD:

Maroon 5's Super Bowl performance. It wasn't even really M5's fault; they simply did what they always do. It was more a poor choice by the NFL. A boring and awkward performance. There was a time when all anybody wanted was a shirtless Adam Levine- both women AND men. Even times when he wasn't performing, he would show up places, some random person would announce to everyone "Don't worry, Adam WILL be taking off his shirt tonight." Talk about ME TOO. It was so bad that the old, white, slaveowners of the NFL hired Jay-Z (one of the blackest icons we have) to come and save them. We'll see how that turns out.

GOOD & WEIRD:

Tyler, The Creator - "IGOR"

One of my fav projects of the year. Tyler, the Creator is an odd dude - I mean this as a compliment. I love how Hip-Hop has evolved. There's a lot more room nowadays to be yourself, no matter how outsiders might deem your behavior as weird (sometimes, others NOT saying this as a compliment). I love his creativity, and hope he continues to inspire other artists (especially in hip-hop) to be creative. Heeeee also says stuff like this "I like girls, but I have sex with their brothers." But, also uses the word "gay" as an insult. Who knows?? There's a lot to unpack there.

SAD:

In other news, Camila Cabello might be a racist. Y'all can look it up if you'd like, but some posts of hers resurfaced. I'm a fan of hers, and checked out the posts for myself, thinking "People are prob just overreacting" - they're not, it's bad. She has apologized, saying the whole "I'm older and wiser now" thing. The prob with that is she's only 22.

GOOD & BAD, I GUESS:

ADELE

It's always good to see Adele out and about. These holiday pics show that's she's still alive (I get concerned, cuz she tends to disappear for a while) and apparently a lot thinner. This of course stirs men to say men type things, women to go on the attack, and all genuine compliments towards her to get lost. The good news is, Adele seems to be getting pretty chummy with Santa, and everyone knows that St. Nick is a heartbreaker. Adele should be spurned and back in the studio writing amazing tunes soon enough.

WEIRD:

Kanye

These pics say it all. 

... that being said, I love his new music (which is how I stamp all of my conversations about Ye).

GOOD:

Billie Eilish! 

Now (like many), one of my fav artists. 

BAD:

She just turned 18, so of course, us men being ourselves again say things like "She's 18 now. You know what that means." Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out what that means. Nothing says crossing-over into womanhood quite like being objectified.

Speaking of 2019 pervs - R.KELLY!

We can throw MJ and... what the hell, I'll just throw Spacey in there as well (his documentary is coming soon enough, I'm sure).

We were all enthralled by these two docuseries. It's interesting how different races respond to MJ. Both see him as... you know, but most black people are still listening to his music. White people on the other hand are ready to riot every time someone plays one of his songs... except around Halloween - gotta have "Thriller".

We love depressing television.

There was "Chernobyl" as well as "When they see us"

Movies too -

"Joker"

I love this movie, but it's about a homicidal clown, struggling with mental illness.

"Us"

I love this movie, but it's about classism and marginalization.

"Endgame"

It's largely about grief.

It's the best movie of the year, as far as I'm concerned!

It should win all awards!

ALL OF THEM!

Best Horror

Best Comedy

Best Romance

Remember when he sent the message to his wife? Cute, right?

Personally, I think he and Nebula were banging in each other.

... I think that story is going to come out some day. C’mon... they were up in space, alone... they both thought they were going to die. She was like “OMG, I’ve always wanted to bang Robert Downey Jr. 

He was like “I don’t blame you.”

But, afterwards, he was like 

 - you know? He felt all bad, because he’d never get to do that again (that was the last of his energy). Annnnd also because he cheated. Which led to that cute recording for his wife. SEE, it’s all connected!

Best actor in Josh Brolin (Thanos) - the range of emotions (satisfaction, terror, humility, revenge, arrogance, beatin ass, defeat) Leo and Brad Pitt ain't have to do all of that!

Best Actress... hmm.. idk about this one. Many say J.Lo deserves an Oscar for her performance in "Hustlers" - a movie made for strippers, by strippers.

Exotic dancers are making a comeback! Maybe one day, stripping will be going in the same direction marijuana is - just something people do. No more shame! You can actually make a decent living at it - ain't that right, Stormy?

And who can forget this J.Lo quote "This city, this whole country, is a strip club. You've got people tossing the money. and people doing the dance."

There have also been plenty of things in 2019 that I have not understood:

1) Hatin on Greta

Greta - trying hard to do what she believes will make this world a better place for us all.

Certain people - "Shut that bitch up! She's crazy!"

2) Hatin on Megan Rapinoe

MP - leading a soccer team to a World Cup victory, being outspoken for women's rights and gay rights, having awesome purple hair, and trying to be the best leader and athlete she can be.

Certain people - "Shut that bitch up! She's Crazy! Equal pay my ass!"

3) Popeyes Chicken Sandwich

 - the gov't test for a new crack epidemic. Sadly, I never got to partake.

4) Allison Mack

- This whole story began being unveiled in 2018, but continued through this year. I still don’t understand how this story has not gotten more attention. Some of y’all don’t even know what I’m talking about.... google it, and be horrified.

5) BTS (and K-pop in general)

-I love them, but... our country's K-Pop fetish has gotten kinda out of hand. All kinds of artists are trying to share the spotlight with them. Next, we're going to see them team up with Kendrick Lamar.

6) TikTok - I just don't get it. What’s the difference? 

7) Cancel Culture

To me all cancel culture is silenced by Trump being our president. Where was all of this righteous indignation when we voted him into office? You might say "I didn't vote for him." Yeah, but, WE did - Idk what that says about us, but it's prob not good.

It doesn't even really work - Louis CK is currently selling out venues for an unapologetic tour. I'm not even saying that it SHOULD work (in SOME cases). I'm simply saying that it doesn't work (in most cases). But, perhaps the fear of it working is enough. Or perhaps we should think through how we spend our anger.

BUT, enough of that! It's time to pass out this year's PRAPHIE AWARD!

Here are the noms:

Jordan Peele

Pedro the turtle

(no need for context, just know he’s awesome)

Baby Yoda

 (btw - studies show that if you have access to "The Mandalorian" and you AREN'T watching it, you're an asshole. This is not ME talking, this is science)

Megan Rapinoe (who I’ve already mentioned)

Flying Elbow Guy (Again, this requires no context. It’s Flying Elbow Guy! There is a baseball player who’s name I can’t remember. He took on a whole team, and... you know what - that’s too much exposition. It’s Flying Elbow Guy!

  Keanu Reeves

Annnnnnnd! It’s...

...

KEANU!

This year:

Of course JW, Toy Story 4, Cyberpunk 2077, “Always be my Maybe”, plus we found out that he’s down for The Matrix 4, John Wick 4, and Bill & Ted. CRAZY!

Also my BAMF of the year (see previous post)!

We love Keanu Reeves so much, that he's allowed to murder as many people as he wants (as John Wick).

We'll get mad if an actor who's not handicapped is playing someone who is, we'll get mad about whitewashing (as we should), we'll get mad if things are too sexualized, we GOT MAD at "Joker" for predicted violence. But, Keanu can murder all he wants:)

(See the scene above? - that was a McDonald’s before he showed up)

He found love as well. Women are loving that he chose someone closer to his age. Honestly, Idk why it matters. I'd still love this man, even if he were dating 22 year old, racist ass Camila Cabello.

But, he's viewed by some as the perfect man. I disagree. I don’t think that he’s merely the perfect man, but the perfect human.

His career and popularity paths are unique. No one would call him a... GOOD actor, but look at him! And he seems like a genuinely, awesomely, good person. And whatever "good person" means to you, he's at the top! We should all (men and women) be a lil more like Keanu in 2020.

Let's all be as lovable as we can, so we may all get away with as much as we can:)

With each new year, I challenge myself with a slogan to live by. In 2020, it's going to be this - 

From Eddie Murphy’s “Raw”- Richard Pryor’s advice to Eddie, concerning Bill Cosby 

Telling certain people in my way "To have a Coke and a smile, and shut the bleep up." Sometimes, I might need to be the one to do this, rather than say it - we'll see.

Here was the runner-up slogan (his response)

Magical.

Happy New Year, Everyone! Enjoy yourselves. Be less of an asshole. And be safe... enough to at least make it TO 2020.

Much love!

[spongeekat]

The 6 Times Peter Wanted To Reveal his Identity (And the 1 Time He Did) Chapter 6

read on ao3

Masterlist Here

Day 6- Friday

Mary Jane was the angel in Peter’s life that he didn't deserve, but thoroughly appreciated.

Though the two had attempted to have a relationship after meeting their freshman year of college, by the end of the 3 months they’d become closer friends than they were romantic partners. The break-up had been a seamless transition, and with the expectations of intimacy being lifted from their shoulders, he found Mary Jane to be a reliable confidant and supporter. They told each other everything; she had been first to know about his feelings for Wade, and the second to find out about his superhero identity. Despite a bad reputation in the newspapers, she never criticized his actions or mistakes, and had always been an open ear when things went wrong and the world felt too heavy on his exhausted shoulders.

Still, he had never made a mistake this public. While Ellie had found out who he was due to his bad judgement, he had been able to keep it under wraps and it was an easily mended situation. This time, however, he had the sinking feeling he had ruined his life in wake of saving two others. There were dozens of people watching, twice that driving by or skidding to a stop when he halted traffic, and worst of all, Wade found out Peter had been lying to him in a horribly impersonal way.

Peter was still camping out on Mary Jane’s floor after his freak-out the night before. He wanted to go home to get out of her hair, but the thought of Wade showing up, or worse, the FBI showing up, and grilling him about his superhero abilities made him sick all over again. Mary Jane claimed she didn’t mind him hanging around, but he knew his stress was quickly becoming hers. Harry had been unable to find his backpack, and when he arrived to look for it the park had become a spot for a local news station to report on the ‘mystery man that stopped a car with his bare hands.’ So Peter sat cross-legged against the edge of her bed, flipping through news channels endlessly. The coverage on the event had been minimal, the best footage being of a mother video taping her children playing when it suddenly panned to the car slamming into the ground and him fleeing the scene. Still, he wasn’t sure if anyone had a dashcam that could have caught a glimpse of his face, or if a traffic camera may have been aimed at them. It was a waiting game now, either for new videos to be released, or for someone to divulge his facial features to the police.

Peter’s phone buzzed again at his side, and he glanced at the screen halfheartedly. Wade had been texting him non-stop. Most of them he hadn’t read, but every so often he caught glimpses of messages. Apparently Wade had gone to his apartment the night before to locate him, but his neighbors had threatened to call the police when he wouldn’t stop banging on Peter’s window. A couple of the other messages he had read were begging him to call, or asking where he had gone, but for the most part Peter had blocked them out. He couldn’t bare to face him now. He’d accepted his help and affection despite not needing it, and lied to Wade for days in the process. All because he was selfish, and scared, and in love. Horribly, horribly in love. He regretted every day he had put off confessing. Now he didn’t have the chance. Just a lot to apologize for.

“Pete?” MJ turned in her computer chair to quirk an eyebrow at him, as he stared at the television screen. He knew he looked as trashed as he felt. His brown eyes were hidden behind puffy lids weighed down by dark circles, his wavy hair was a mussed and tangled pile, and his clothes were disheveled and sitting awkwardly on his body. By contrast she was showered and well-put together, her lips pursed in concern and thought as she watched him. “Maybe you should take a break from your hunt. You’ll only stress yourself out more. Let’s go get lunch somewhere. I’ll set notifications on my news app for anything with your name or Spider-Man’s.”

Peter slowly shook his head and let the remote fall to the carpet, leaving the channel flipped on a segment about health care. He ran the palms of his hands over his eyes, a shudder rushing through his body. “I can’t eat anything. I feel too sick.” He mumbled, and finally dropped his head back against her mattress. He wished he could will away the day before, go back and redo it all to stop the dog before it even got close to the street, but he knew he would have to accept and deal with the consequences. Any dwindling hope that maybe he hadn’t been identified was crushed as soon as it materialized. He’d rather be prepared to be unmasked than taken by surprise when his face was thrust up onto the Times Square billboards requesting his arrest.

“You won’t know until you try, dummy.” Mary Jane walked over to where he was and dropped her hands to her hips, waiting impatiently for an answer. “I don’t like to see you moping so much. Watching the video, it all happened so fast, that the people watching probably couldn’t even remember your hair color, much less what you looked like. Stop being so pessimistic and go get pizza with me.”

Peter didn’t want to leave the room. His obsession with searching at least somewhat distracted him from letting the memory play on a loop. But the next moment his phone went off again, and another text from Wade popped up on the screen.

please tell me you’re still alive

Peter grabbed his phone and blocked Wade’s number the next second. It made a wave of nausea rush over him to think Wade still cared about his safety even after he had been deceived.

“Okay, let’s go.” Peter groaned, and pushed himself to his feet. His toes tingled as the blood flow returned to them, and he grabbed his sweater that had been thrown on the floor to pull on. “But if you see anything, please let me know.”

“As long as you promise not to ask me to check every minute.”

Peter breathed out calculatedly. “I’ll try.”

“And not every 5 minutes, either. I want a normal lunch with my best friend to help him calm down from a stressful week.”

The corners of his lips perked, and he finished adjusting his sweater and tossing his hair into a somewhat presentable style. “Every half-hour?”

Mary Jane thought for a moment, but shrugged good naturedly. “That’s a fair trade. Now let’s turn off this old-lady daytime television and get out into the world, Parker!”

They escaped out the door before Peter could change his mind, and took off on foot towards the pizza cafe they’d made a second home over the past 4 years. From study sessions to scarfing down comfort food, it had served its purpose as a cheap hangout joint for them to talk out their feelings. Even now, as Peter was riddled with so much anxiety his hands hadn’t stopped trembling for the past 24 hours, he felt himself start to relax when they entered the familiar hole-in-the-wall establishment. The smell of burnt crust wafted past his nose and a football game buzzed noisily on a small TV, but it was distracting enough to his senses that he was able to ignore the thoughts of dread for a bit.

“So...about Wade.” Mary Jane finally spoke once they’d put in their order with the teenager working the counter and claimed a spot in the corner. Peter had his back to the door, just to feel a bit more hidden from sight. “Did you ever actually tell him how you feel?”

Peter paused mid-sip of his water, the liquid suddenly feeling ice cold on his tongue. He set it down, and swallowed through the tightness of his throat. “...No.” He finally sighed, chewing on the inside of his bottom lip. “I mean, I didn’t think he would ever really see me that way. Even as Peter and not...” He gestured to the air. “...he complimented me and stuff, but I never got the feeling he, like, liked me.”

“But you didn’t ask?”

“I thought it made more sense to tell him who I was first.” Peter said in distress, dropping his chin onto his hand. “I guess it just never felt right. He talked to me the same in and out of the mask. Wade’s just overly friendly. He thinks it’s funny.”

“Uh-huh.” Mary Jane looked unimpressed, but her thoughts were interrupted when their slices were dropped off. They both thanked the waitress, and the red head immediately leaned in again. “From what you told me, it sounds like he was interested in a little more than coddling you. He asked you to go out with him and his daughter to the aquarium. That sounds more like a date.”

Peter knew his cheeks were flushing red, and his phone sat a bit heavier in his pocket. Maybe Wade’s texts were more worried than they were malicious. Even after royally screwing up, Wade just wanted to make sure he was okay. He looked down at the grease dripping onto his plate, reflecting on the week.

But then he remembered the astonished expression on his face when Peter had jumped out into the street and the thought vanished.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. I already blocked his number. He’ll give up in an hour, and then I’ll just have to avoid him on patrol for the rest of my life. If I’m not arrested for being a vigilante and resisting arrest a thousand times first.” Peter sat back with a look of defeat and determined he wasn’t hungry anymore, pushing his plate a few inches away from him.

Mary Jane just shook her head and went back to eating. “It’ll be okay, Pete.” She said between bites. “You just gotta try to think positively.”

“That’s kinda hard to do when my suit got jacked along with homework that clearly has my name written on it, and all I can do is wait for someone to turn it into the police. And I’m a coward, MJ. Aunt May is at our apartment alone, and people could show up at any moment looking for me. She could get hurt. You could get hurt. And that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to avoid all these years.” Peter huffed and dragged his arms in to cross over his chest, twisting to look back at the TV. “I messed up, and I hurt everyone in the process. Positive thinking is stupid. It won’t stop anyone from coming after the people I care about.”

Mary Jane pushed her plate forward as well, and it clinked as the two collided in the center. “I get that you’re stressed, Pete, but when you’re done being a jerk, we can talk.” She said as she stood up and started to lift her purse on over her shoulders. Peter turned back around, shame tugging at his features. “Positive thinking isn’t stupid, it just keeps you from freaking out on the people trying to help you. I’m not saying everything is going to be perfect, but it’s better to have hope than to wallow in your self-pity.”

“Hey, MJ, I’m sorry.” Peter stood as well, the chair scraping the floor. “I shouldn’t have been mean.”

“You’re right, you shouldn’t have. Go home. Get sleep. Be there for Aunt May in case she needs you. You aren’t helpless just because you don’t have a mask to hide behind. And for god’s sake, just call Wade. He obviously cares about you.” She sighed, and tucked a strand of cherry red hair behind her ear. “You know I wanna help you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. But life has a funny way of working out sometimes. Just try to make it through the day? Please?”

Mary Jane said goodbye to the waitresses before waving at Peter, as he slowly sunk back down in his seat. She was right. He shouldn’t be ignoring Wade. Not when he had been the one to lie. He owed him an explanation as to why he hadn’t been honest in the first place.

Peter pulled out his wallet and set down all the change he had as an apology tip, tossing his slice of pizza on the way out. Aunt May had been on vacation for too long, and he should at least be there to greet her. Especially if something went wrong and he was taken away without notice.

He hopped on a bus a few blocks down and planted himself near the front, before drawing his phone out. The texts from Wade had stopped coming through, but he was still easy to locate. He hesitated, but eventually pressed the UNBLOCK button and closed out of the app.

He would call him later, but he needed to collect himself. The first way to do that was to see Aunt May.

--

“May?” Peter pushed open the door and peeked past the frame, studying the inside of the apartment. It certainly looked more clean than how he had left it the morning before, so there was no doubt she had been home. Whether she was still home after not having her texts returned the entire day was the question. “May?” He repeated, stepping inside and shutting the door almost silently behind him.

His senses alerted him to the scuffle of a slipper on tile, and a grey-haired face popped around the corner.

“Hey, you’re home.” Peter greeted, toeing his shoes off into the rack by the door, before walking closer. “Glad you made it home sa-”

“Peter. Benjamin. Parker.” Aunt May stepped fully into view, tugging tautly on a towel she had been drying her hands on. Peter immediately winced and backed away, but that didn’t stop the older woman from coming at him with an irritated stride. “Do you know how worried I was when I got home and you were nowhere to be found? I got you that phone for a reason! Use it!” Her towel snapped and lightly hit his forearm. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt, but Peter jumped and massaged the spot anyways. “I thought you had suffocated under the mounds of trash and laundry you let collect in your room!”

“Sorry.” Peter said honestly, relieved to see her again. After the crazy week he had been put through, he desperately wanted his Aunt back. “A lot happened, and I spent the night at Mary Jane’s. I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

“You look heartbroken.” Aunt May commented, simmering down as she studied his limp body language. Concern replaced the anger on her face. “Is everything alright?”

“No.” Peter said honestly, turning his face down towards the floor. He felt pathetic, especially when she placed her soft hands against both shoulders and gave them a comforting squeeze. “I made a lot of mistakes these past couple of days. I may have hurt someone I really...like? And I feel like my life is ruined on top of it all.”

“Did you apologize?” May tugged on his arm, prompting him towards the couch. He followed her obediently, and she guided him to sit on the cushions beside her.

“Not yet. We haven’t spoken since yesterday.” Peter leaned his head against her shoulder, and her fingers found his hair to run through it comfortingly. “I want to. I just don’t know what to say.”

“You’re a good and humble boy. I’m sure you know what to say to him in your heart.” May dragged her fingers through his bed head, and he made a choking sound at her pronoun choice. “Is it not a man?”

Her motherly instinct would always outsmart his secrecy. “It is.”

“Is he a good person?”

“...He is.”

“Does he care about you as well?”

Peter swallowed the knot that formed in his throat. “I-I think so. I don’t know if it’s that way, but we’re close friends.”

“Friends will forgive each other. It may take time, and it may be uncomfortable, but you can’t hide your feelings forever, Peter. You should be honest if you want to keep him close..”  May kissed the top of his head, and he sunk further into the couch. She was always the voice of reason, even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “I know you’ll make the right choice. You care too much about others. That’s one of the things I love so much about you. Do you want to tell me exactly what happened?”

“It’s a lot.” Peter mumbled. “Basically, I just… lied. I took advantage of his kindness. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him the truth, but I just got so comfortable in the lie that I didn’t bother to correct it. And then he found out what I was lying about, but so did others, and I feel like my world is crashing down, even if it isn’t yet. But I know there’s the chance it might and I can’t stop freaking out over it… does this make any sense?”

May chuckled and shook her head at his rambling. “Can you be more specific? Or is this one of those times it’s better to just now know?”

“Better to not know. If that’s okay.”

“Well, you’re alive, you’re healthy, and you have a good heart. There’s nothing you can’t fix as long as you have your smile.” May rubbed his shoulder again, and pulled herself to her feet to walk back to the kitchen. “You go call your friend and apologize, honey, and I’ll finish getting dinner in the crock pot.”

Peter released a shaky breath, but he eventually stood as well. “Thanks, May. I’m glad to have you home.” He found his phone and located Wade’s number, his finger hesitating over the call button.

As he moved to close his door, her voice shouted out once more. “And clean that room!”

“Got it!” Peter laughed back, before he took the plunge and pressed the green phone on screen. The sound of ringing made him tense, but he eventually managed the courage to hold the phone to his ear.

When Wade picked up, there was a set of gunshots from the other end.

“Wade? Are you okay?” Peter asked immediately.. A man shouted, and the phone shuffled.

“Petey! Bad timing, but I’m so so glad to hear from you.” Wade gasped, out of breath. It sounded like he was running, but Peter couldn’t be sure over the cracking of bullets and distant threats being screamed on the other end. “I got the notification you blocked my texts and I figured you had thrown yourself off the Empire State Building or something and your phone company just didn’t want the extra charges. Hold on one second. Guess you shoulda brought that Gram-Gram of yours with you, huh? At least she could hit me- fuck! Watch it! Not the face!” Wade slammed an object and a person yelled out in pain. “In a job, sorry, sweetums. Some old lady mob boss has her grandson running a human trafficking ring, so I gotta play cops and robbers and clean it all up. Anyways, it was kinda shitty to run off like that yesterday without saying anything. Ellie was really disappointed...and so was I. I don’t know your story, but shit, you couldn’t even tell me you were superpowered?”

Peter cleared his throat, guilt weighing heavily on his heart.  Wade hadn’t realized yet exactly who Peter was. Which meant he still had to figure out how to tell him. “I’m sorry. I know I can’t explain what I did, or why I did it, but I want you to know that I didn’t mean to put off telling you for so long.” He could barely get the words out, unsure how to explain his true feelings without giving away everything. Another round of bullets went off, and Wade cursed again. “Dude, do you need help? You sound like you’re having a hard time.”

“Well, originally this was a game of cat and mice, me being the cat obviously, but they just brought out a bunch of guns, so now it’s more like cat trying not to get sprayed because I just repaired and washed this suit yesterday, and all of the mice are on steroids. If you wanna haul that tight-but-scarily-strong-ass down here, I’m sure we could scare them off.  But judging by how long you ignored me, I’m guessing you don’t wanna do that, baby boy.”

“Okay, um, can I just talk to you tomorrow? In person? I would rather discuss this when you’re not, like, trying to stay alive. I also lost my backpack, which had things I really can’t lose in it, and I’m freaking out a little.”

“Oh, I grabbed that.”

“What?” Peter gasped, instant relief flooding him.

“Yeah, I texted you this morning. Guess you didn’t read my texts, though. Didn’t want you losing your homework or anything.” Wade grunted as he slammed another object, and his katanas slid across one another with a sharp zing . “I was gonna dump it at your apartment, but I got a little distracted by work and hanging out with my gal pals.” He joked as another man screamed.

“...Did you look inside?”

Wade didn’t answer, sounding like he was ripping open a pocket on his belt. After a few seconds, he finally responded. “No. Should I have?”

Peter didn’t want to lie anymore. He couldn’t lie anymore. Wade deserved so much more than that. So he took a brave breath, and shoved down his fear. “Yeah. Go ahead. And then we can meet up tomorrow and I can explain everything. I won’t leave out any details this time.”

“You aren’t secretly part of the X-Factor, are you? Those guys keep ignoring my birthday party invites.”

Peter cracked an uncomfortably smile, and he looked down at his feet. “No, I’m not a mutant. But I’ll see you tomorrow and things will make more sense.”

“See you tomorrow.” Wade agreed. “No more secrets or lies or anything, though, okay? I actually care about you and wanna be there for you and all that shit.” Then the line cut off.

He drew his phone down from his face and clicked on Mary Jane’s contact. He wouldn’t feel okay until he apologized to her, too.

Peter would still have to keep an eye on the news, but for the most part, the major cause of his anxiety had diminished. At least he knew where his suit was, even if he didn’t have it in his possession.

Tomorrow, Wade would know he was Spider-Man.

For the first time that day, he started to feel a twinge of hope in his chest. Maybe things would end up being okay after all.

[ckerouac]

fic: other duties as assigned

Title: Other Duties as Assigned  (AO3)

Fandom: MCU

Summary:  Peter wasn’t sure how exactly he ended up playing errand boy for the Black Widow in a department store downtown while she bullied Captain America into a new wardrobe, but if that's where the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man was needed, he wasn't going to leave his SPIDER BRO hanging.

Notes: This is all @slayediest fault - the prompt was ‘anyone takes Steve shopping for new clothes’ and, well, this happened.

Peter wasn’t sure how exactly he ended up playing errand boy for the Black Widow in a department store downtown.  One minute he was working on a chemistry lab report with Ned, and then next he was getting a flurry of texts from Mr. Stark about an ‘intervention’ and ‘secret mission’ and ‘if it’s too much for you you can say no’.  Which, of course he wasn’t going to say no! He was an Avenger! Well, sort of… mostly… close enough. Technically.

And then there was a text from the Black Widow asking politely if he’d be willing to help out a fellow spider because there was someone in terrible need.  

HE WAS GOING TO BE SPIDER BROS WITH THE BLACK WIDOW.

Ned promised to keep the app open in his phone that they’d linked to KAREN just in case Peter needed his guy in the chair, because if it was something that Natasha Romanoff was asking for help with, it had to be something serious. Life threatening.  Maybe there were more aliens. Or an accident at a chemical plant. Or a nuclear bomb.  Or a mass arrest of guys on Wall Street because it turns out they were linked to HYDRA and that’s why they were trying to bring down American democracy.  MJ talked about that lot, so that would totally be something that the Black Widow would be involved in. He wasn’t sure what he could do to help with that, but he could web up bad guys with the best of them and if they needed him, it didn’t matter what it was.  He was going to be there!

“I just think the blue looks better,” Natasha said, reaching over to pull the navy blue t-shirt from the pile on Peter’s lap to hand to Steve.  “It brings out the blue of your eyes.”

“Is that really a thing?” Steve asked, taking the shirt and looking for all intents and purposes like a defeated man as he stood in the doorway of the dressing room.  

Natasha gave him a light squeeze of the shoulder.  “I get that you’ve been out of the dating game for a while, but trust me.  It’s a thing.”

“I’m not trying to get back into the dating game,” Steve replied.  But he took the shirt, along with the pile of jeans Natasha had already handed him and retreated back into the dressing room.  

“You can’t blame me for trying!” she laughed.  “What about Melissa?”

“Which one is Melissa?”

“The one who coordinated the HVAC repair to the tower last month.”

Natasha…” Steve said, his voice going for ‘warning’ or ‘not again’.  “You sound like Old Mrs. Goldstein who lived two floors down from me growing up.  She was convinced Bucky was going to die alone and unloved if he didn’t find a girl who was dumb enough to settle for him.”

“And what about you?” Natasha asked.

That got Steve to crack open the door and smile.  “She figured I’d die alone after getting punched by someone for talking back to them.”

“So, pretty much how you’re likely to die now,” Natasha pointed out.

“Pretty much,” Steve said, and closed the door once again.

“Excuse me,” Peter said.  “But… um… I thought you said that there was a big crisis that needed the Avengers?”

Natasha dropped down onto the bench next to Peter and smiled.  It wasn’t that it was unnerving when she smiled, Peter decided, it was just that you couldn’t tell at all what she was smiling about.  Like, was she smiling about Captain America in a dressing room? Or the pile of clothes in his lap? Was she smiling about how it was silly that Peter thought she wanted to be spider bros, even though he’d never actually used the spider bros line yet?  He was gonna wait until they were taking down the bad guys, and then slip is casually into conversation, and she was gonna laugh and think that it was brilliant, and then he’d name the text thread that they’d inevitably start SPIDER BROS and it would become a thing.  

It’s like whenever MJ decided to smile.  She only smiled when she thought he was doing something stupid.

Oh… shit… was the Black Widow smiling a ‘Peter you’re so dumb’ smile?

“What I said was there was someone who needed our help,” Natasha pointed out.

“And it was… Mr. Rogers?”

A bigger grin this time.  “I love it when you call him that,” she said.  “Look, I’ve been trying to get him to update his wardrobe.  He lives in khakis and SHIELD shirts, unless someone specifically pulls something different out for him.  I think if he had his way, he’d live in his uniform.”

“I mean, what’s wrong with that?”

Natasha leaned in a little closer.  “Do you have someone you like?”

Yes. “No.”

“Have you dressed up for them in the past?”

Yes. “No.”  Peter’s eyes went wide.  “Wait, does Mr. Rogers have a date?  Is that why we’re here? Are we getting him ready for a date?  Where would someone like him go on a date? Like, the Statue of Liberty?  Is that too cliche?”

She reached over and gave him a squeeze on the shoulder.  Peter tried hard not to look too excited. It was the same thing she did to Captain America!  They really were going to be spider bros! “It’s just a closet refresh,” she said. “Don’t think too hard about it.”

“But… if it’s not something… wait, why me?” Peter asked.  “Why did you and Mr. Stark ask me to come along?”

Natasha shrugged as Steve emerged.  “We told him you were struggling with a personal problem, and he jumped at the chance to help.”

“Wait, you used me as bait?!”

“And I fell for it,” Steve replied.  He placed his hands on his hips and glared at Natasha.  “Taking advantage of an old man is elder abuse.”

Before Peter realized what he was doing, he’d lifted his phone to take a picture of Cap’s stare of disappointment.  “Sorry, sorry,” he said. “It’s just that’s the exact look you have in the videos they show when we have detention, and I always thought that was some acting they made you do, but it’s…”

“It’s just his face,” Natasha beamed.  “But I’m immune to it. Plus, I don’t think that’ll be any way to get a response to profile I put up for you on SexySeniorDating.com.”

“What detention video?” Steve asked, ignoring Natasha’s jab because Peter was sure that she’d actually put up a dating profile for him behind his back.  Would she?

“You know, the ‘so you’ve found yourself in detention’ video,” Peter explained, doing his best Captain America expression, complete with sigh and pursed lips.  “There’s a whole bunch of them.”

Steve looked like he was going to deflate right there, and his frown was about as large as Natasha’s grin.  “I still can’t believe I let Tony talk me into those,” he mumbled. “Just like your USO tour,” he mimicked. “But enriching the minds of today’s youth.”

“You were recently thawed, your brain was probably still a little icy,” Natasha pointed.  

“No, wait, they’re great!” Peter insisted.  Insulting Captain America would probably completely squash his plans to be spider bros with the Black Widow cause even if she liked to make fun of him, no one else could make fun of Captain America.  I mean, he was CAPTAIN AMERICA. Why would anyone want to make fun of him? He was amazing, and he was here hanging out with Peter, even if it was technically because Peter was bait in a convoluted plot for the Black Widow to keep making fun of him…

Wait… ‘squash’... like a bug… he just got that!  He needed to remember to tell Ned that he’d come up with a great spider pun with his spider bro Natasha.

“I can pull one up for you!”

“Please don’t.” “I already have one as my voicemail message.”

Steve and Natasha turned to stare at each other.  Peter was pretty sure neither of them were telepathic, but he couldn’t actually be sure, but there was obviously something getting exchanged between them.  

Steve was the first to relent.  He sighed, shook his head, and grabbed another couple of shirts from Peter’s lap pile.  “Let’s get this over with,” he said, retreating back into the dressing room.

“Wait, I’m going to find you a jacket,” Natasha said.  

“I already have a jacket.”

“Not one you’ve gotten shot in, a nice blazer,” she called out as she left Peter to watch Steve and, as she’d explained when this whole outing started, ‘make sure he didn’t run away like a coward’.

“Is.. there anything I can get you, Mr. Rogers?” Peter asked.

A laugh came from behind the door.  “No, kid, I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry for being bait,” Peter continued.  “I thought there was, you know, a thing that needed attention and all hands on deck.  I didn’t know shopping was part of the… internship. Mr. Stark keeps it pretty… undefined.  You know, and I totally get why, and I’m not complaining about it at all. That’s not what I’m saying.  I’m happy to be here and do whatever I can to help. I just didn’t think it would be… shopping buddy.”

“I’m pretty sure this falls under other duties as assigned.  But if it makes you feel any better, people have tricked me into foolish job related duties since the 40s.”

OMG he and Captain America had something in common!  Maybe it wasn’t just him and the Black Widow that were going to be SPIDER BROS.  Maybe Captain America didn’t think he was just a kid from Queens and they were going to be bros too!  He didn’t seem to hold the airport stuff against him. Not too much. He only brought it up once. Maybe twice.  The Falcon brought it up a lot more. But if Captain America thought they were just like each other… oh man, if his seven-year-old self and his Captain America lunch box could see him now.  Wait, there could be a lunch box with both Captain America AND Spider-Man on it! With their arms around each other! Giving a thumbs up!

He had to text Ned.  He’d die seeing the same look on Cap’s face as the videos.    just out w bw & cap bc we’re bff now he texted along with the picture, followed quickly by disappointed!cap is disappointed .

The response was immediate, like Peter knew it would be.

...but it wasn’t Ned.

I thought you were at Ned’s studying??

He’d accidentally texted Aunt May.

sorry!! I meant to send that to Ned

That was fine.  She knew about… all of it.  And it proved he wasn’t getting shot at or thrown off a building or any of the number of things she’d yelled at him that Mr. Start was irresponsible for letting happen to him once she found him in his suit.  And considering that that’s what he thought he’d be doing on this little outing, she should appreciate how little danger he was in compared to how much he could’ve been in if what he thought was going to happen actually had happened.  How could she object to a shopping trip… even if he had told her this morning he was spending the day with Ned working on their lab reports?

Why is Captain America disappointed with you??  What did you do?? AM I GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED WITH YOU??

no it’s fine I didn’t do anything. I’m at my internship.

“Are you texting the girl?” Natasha asked, scaring the shit out of Peter because for some reason she was the only one who could sneak up behind him without his senses catching on.  “Is it the one who you dressed up for that you said you didn’t?”

“What? No!” Peter tried to look as casual as possible, but his phone started buzzing again.   Wait, I recognize those dressing rooms.  I’m going to give Captain America a piece of my mind.

“Is something wrong?” Steve asked, cracking open the door to the dressing room and catching the blazer Natasha decided to throw at him.  “Do we need to-”

“My aunt is coming cause I accidentally texted her, and I thought I was texting Ned cause you made the face and I thought he’d find it funny, and May’s too worried that I’ve done something to make Captain America mad at me, and I think she’s coming to yell at you, so please don’t be angry with her, she doesn’t mean it, she just… I think she likes yelling at people.  Mostly Mr. Stark,” Peter explained. “But she doesn’t yell at him a lot! Only when he shows up. Or when I come home with a bloody nose. But those aren’t always Mr. Stark’s fault.”

“Just usually,” Steve said.  “Does she… know about...”

Peter nodded.  “Yeah, she knows.”

“Maybe this is a good thing,” Natasha said.  “We could use another opinion. Because those jeans are going to make Heather in Operations -- “

“No.”

“Or how about Tonya in -”

“Natasha.”

She just smiled that MJ smile again.  Peter was certain there was no way she was giving up, and surely Cap realized that.  He could say no all he wanted, but Peter would bet money she’d have him on a date by the end of the week.  

It took 15 minutes, but eventually the back and forth interrupted by, “Peter?”

The three of them turned at the new voice and Peter gave his Aunt May the most contrite, most apologetic, most ‘but at least I’m not dangling off of a building and the highlight of the 11pm news’ wave that he could muster.  “Hi Aunt May.”

“I think you wanted to yell at him,” Natasha added motioning to Steve, who at this point was standing there with a pile of clothes draped across his arm.  

“Yes,” May said, pausing to just stare at him for a moment.  Peter was sure this wasn’t going to end well. She wasn't impressed at all with Mr. Stark each time he showed up, and sure he was the only one of the Avengers to show up at their apartment, but if she wasn’t impressed by Iron Man, surely she wasn’t going to be any more impressed by Captain America, especially once she got it into her head that he was angry with him.  “You’re a lot taller in person.”

Steve smiled.  “Yeah, I get that.  Sorry, where are my manners.  I’m Steve,” he said, extending his free hand.

May shook his hand and smiled as well.  “May Parker. You know Peter through… his internship?”

Steve nodded.  “He’s a good kid.  Quick on his feet,” he added.

“Sticks with something until it’s finished?” May volleyed back.  

“Really swings for the wall,” Steve replied, amused.  He was interrupted by Natasha clearing her throat. “Oh, and this is Natasha.”

May let go of Steve’s hand a gave the Black Widow a wave.  “Yeah.  These are not the friends I thought Peter would be hanging out with in high school,” she added.  “Or the job I thought he’d have in high school. I mean, Jesus, I worked in a grocery store in high school.”

“Oh, really?  Me too!” Steve beamed.  “And, I don’t mean to brag, but I got pretty good at stacking apples into a pyramid.”

“And there would be some ass who thought it was funny to pull the piece of fruit from the bottom of the stack?” May laughed.

“And then I’d point it out and get knocked around a bit in the alley,” Steve admitted.  “They didn’t pay me enough to put up with that kind of jerk.”

“How much did they pay you?”

He grinned.  “A quarter.”

“Oh yeah, you totally deserved at least 30 cents,” May replied.

“Yeah, that’s what FDR said too,” he laughed.

“See, May, he’s not angry at me,” Peter interjected.  He didn’t want May to get laughed at any more by Captain America, and if he could just convince her that he was fine, and Captain America wasn’t angry with him any more, and it was just a joke, she wouldn’t have to hang out in the dressing room with them any more.  “His disappointed face was for something else.”

“What was his disappointed face for, then?” May asked.

“I got tricked into going shopping,” Steve admitted.  “Natasha thought I could use some help with some new clothes and told me that Peter needed my help.”  

“And you just wanted to help him?” May asked.

“He’s a good kid,” Steve said.  “Of course I wanted to help him if he needed it.”

“Yeah, I like him.”  May turned and smiled at Peter over her shoulder.  “I think I’ll keep him.”

“So… everything’s cool,” Peter said.  “You can head home.”

“Or you could help Steve decide between a couple of shirts that he was debating,” Natasha intejected. “We could use another woman’s opinion.  I like the blue, but Steve is partial to the white.”

“Sure,” May said.  “Always glad to help.  And blue is always a good color.  Especially with your eyes,” she added.

Okay, so not how Peter saw the afternoon going.  At this rate he’d never find the right time to suggest to Natasha that they be SPIDER BROS, especially not with May bothering Captain America…

***

“May?” Peter called out as he closed the apartment door and dropped his backpack on the couch.  “I’m home.”

“How was school?” she called out from her bedroom.

“It was fine,” Peter answered.  “Sorry I’m late, we had Decathlon practice and then I had to finish my lab report with Ned.”

“Not a problem, dinner is in the fridge.  Blue lid. The spaghetti from last night.”

“Are you going somewhere?  I thought you worked days this week?”

There was a knock at the door.  “Peter, can you get that?”

“Sure.”  He opened it to find Steve standing there, in one of the outfits Natasha had bullied him into buying last Saturday.  “Hi Mr. Rogers. Hey, wait, what are you doing here? Does… does Mr. Stark need me? Did he send you to come get me? Wait, what’s going on, I can… May!” he called out.  “I’m going out-”

“Hey, no, it’s not an internship thing,” Steve said, stepping inside the apartment and closing the door behind him.  “Not an Avengers thing.”

“Oh,” Peter said.  “Then what are you doing here?”

May popped her head out into the living room and smiled.  “Hey, you found it okay.”

“Yeah,” Steve replied.  “Sorry, I’m a little early.  Never spent much time in Queens.”

“Not a problem, I’m ready to go.”  

Peter realized that May looked a lot nicer than her normal Tuesday night sweatshirt and… “Wait, where are you going?”

“Steve and I are going to grab some dinner,” May said.  “Like I said, spaghetti is in the fridge. I’ll be back in a little while.”  She kissed his forehead as she walked past. “Make good choices.”

“Good to see you, Peter,” Steve said before focusing on May.  “You look really nice.”

“Why thank you.”  She gave a quick little tug on the hemline of his t-shirt as he opened the door for her and led her out into the hall.  “Blue looks really good on you.”

It took Peter a full minute after the door closed before he was able to sputter out, “You… make good choices.”  Before he could question it any further, his phone buzzed.

Thx for your help on Sat!  Mission accomplished - FINALLY got old man out on a date

No shit, Peter thought, as he changed the name of the text thread from ‘Natasha’ to ‘SPIDER BROS’.  She could just deal with it.

[peterjonesparker]

my hc is that liz took michelle "under her wing" and introduced her to acadec and then they actually really become friends which totally surprises them both because they just didnt think they would click so well ok but they do and its glorious

okay so like...i wrote a whole headcanon for this and then like a dumbASS clicked out of this page and lost it ALL and i wanna cry so bad. anyway, this is sad and not as good but here we go!

so like, mj is standing at the club fair kinda terrified because it’s a new school and she’s a freshman in high school and she always forgets how to make friends

but then this bright ray of sunshine junior girl liz comes up to her like “i was you once” and guides her to the acadec table and explains what they do and how they’re a close knit group

so naturally mj joins acadec

and she likes it

and she likes liz

but liz is bubbly and friendly and open and mj is none of those things. and liz has friends and college and all these things going on and so they don’t really become friends

but then one day mj is doing homework in the library (maybe algebra or something idk) and liz comes over all like “hey! michelle, what’s up?”

and then they start chatting. and mj asks liz for help on this one algebra problem and then talks through liz’s ideas for her personal statement for college apps (because you can’t tell me this girl isn’t on top of her shit)

and then it becomes a habit?

they talk through school stuff and acadec stuff and then talk about personal ambitions and internal struggles and they become like...really good friends?

and michelle is...happy? she feels...good? she has a friend?

and they spend a lot of time together and hang out and mj does a lot of things just bc liz asks

like, mj at liz’s party even though ned and peter weren’t initially invited so it’s obvious that it wasn’t just a decathlon general gathering??? you betcha liz made sure mj was gonna go and looked cute af

mj going to the pool the day before acadec nationals even though she only read a book and was Not Interested™??? uh, hell yeah my friend. liz and mj are sharing a room and no way liz was leaving without mj by her side

and you can count on the fact that the minute liz got down from the broken washington monument, mj gave her a big hug and breathed deeply and whispered, “i’m so happy you’re okay”

and then when mj finds out about liz’s dad? and she has to go to oregon?? she’s going to be leaving??

mj might cry. a bit. okay. so, a lot. but it’s liz and liz is like...her best friend. she’s allowed to be emotional about this. and liz gives mj a big hug the day before she leaves and tells her to call

so she does.

mj calls a lot. they skype once a week. they next nearly every other day. they talk on the phone when they just need to hear each other’s voices and they don’t want to skype

mj asks for advice about the decathlon team. she tells liz when they win their next competition and complains about peter parker (”you like him” “no i don’t” “you totally do” “okay wasn’t he your boyfriend or something this is weird”)

liz tells mj about the new friends she’s making (”i never doubted you’d make friends”), asks mj to read her personal statement when she gets a final draft written, calls mj when she finds out about college acceptances

they miss each other. but they’re making it work

and when liz gets a text that she was absolutely, 100%, on the edge of her seat waiting for, she smiles

mj

liz of my life: o m g, tell me

mj

mj

liz of my life: just spit it out oh my goodness

mj

mj

liz of my life: OH MY GOODNESS I KNEW IT

liz of my life: ahaha, honey, you may just be realizing this now but we’ve all known since the end of sophomore year so welcome aboard this train’s going full steam ahead

mj

liz of my life: literally the whole decathlon team

liz of my life: i get texts sporadically asking me if you and peter are secretly dating

mj

liz of my life: oh shut up it’s fine

liz of my life: there’s actually someone in palo alto...

mj

liz laughs because she loves this girl

even though she’s a junior in high school and they’re not all that similar (love of acadec aside) and she pretends that she doesn’t feel a single emotion in the world when liz knows perfectly well that’s a big fat lie

and they’re best friends and they work and it’s beautiful

so liz is pretty happy

[missphanosaur18]

(I WARNED YOU. And also I look like a completely different person from the other selfie I posted earlier) OKAY Y'ALL MY SPIDEY REVIEW: LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAV MARVEL MOVIES TO DATE NGL. *Spoiler free* I was like a die hard Tobey Spidey fan and didn’t care for Andrew and I never thought I could like a dif actor’s Spider-Man. But I was starting to warm up to Tom Holland in Civil War but also he didn’t have a whole lot of screentime so it was hard to really judge. BUT THIS MOVIE MAN. Tom is now my favorite Spider-Man. I’m serious. The movie was so good and had all of the elements I was looking for in both Spidey and the movie. I was deadass blown away by Tom’s performance. Also he does a really good American accent! Ugh I seriously can’t praise him enough!!! *SPOILER review* Wow. Wowwowwow. Where to begin? So the beginning was cute as fuck. Peter Parker was actually how the character should be. Dorky. Funny. //young//. And how he’s all dying to be an official part of the Avengers was so cute! Also Iron Man/Tony’s actions were so in character. How Peter is starting out as a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man was great as well. Once he runs into the major bad shit, he handles it so well and fearlessly. He doesn’t think twice about his own safety. He just wants to be the best he can be and save as many people as he can. That’s so honorable and perfectly in character. I really liked the actual high school Peter mixed in with his hero side. Somewhat cliché but I literally WAS NOT COMPLAINING. Ugh I cannot praise him and this movie enough. His interactions with Karen was the most adorable thing ever btw. And I’m happy he didn’t end up with Liz. I SQUEALED SO HARD WHEN MICHELLE SAID CALL HER MJ. Like when I found out Zendaya’s character was going to be calles Michelle, I was like chanting *MJ MJ MJ" hahaha. Okay getting off track lol. Oh but I also want to mention I absolutely loved the diversity in this movie. It didn’t at all seem forced and done just to please. It was genuine and I was so proud. Okay so Peter doing all of these extraordinary things while also having this natural fear (ik I’m contradicting my fearless statement but idc) was really new and I loved it. So many superhero movies have this hero that just does whatever nonchalantly. Like idc how many powers you have, that shit is scary! Yet he still pushes through. And wow. Wow. Wow. That end fight scene. Him under the rubble. Tom’s acting and Peter’s true human feelings coming through made me wanna cry. So damn beautiful. And him doing all he did WITHOUT A SUIT. I was so damn proud. And him saving Vulture despite everything. Oh and of course Michael’s acting was phenomenal as usual. Omg when it was revealed he was Liz’s ACTUAL DAD I was freaking the fuck out man. Like PLOT. TWIST. Ughhhh. God I feel like I can’t say enough! I need to watch it again already! STAT. Oh and my best friend and I were so jazzed with The vulture’s response to the bad guy in prison. GOOD BOY. Lol. OH AND AUNT MAY IN THE END I LAUGHED SO HARD. Can’t wait to see where that goes in Infinity War lol. FINALLY Cap’s end scene. Could not be better. I laughed so hard. And was not disappointed like he said! Also, subtle fourth wall break? OKAY SORRY FOR RANTING I JUST REALLY FUCKING LOVED THIS MOVIE AND ALL OF THE CHARACTERS AND THE ACTOR’S PERFORMANCES!!! As another blogger posted, I was totally like this the whole time: -B (P.S. I spaced this post so it's easier to read but it seems like it doesn't show right on the mobile app? Maybe the desktop too, not sure. So sorry it's so hard to read!)

[neuropathicgypsy]

My first marriage ended in divorce. Eventually, I began to date again, but that failure stayed with me. After seeing a wonderful woman for several months, I told her that I didn’t think we had a future—I was still fragile from the breakup. She said, “If you’re too stupid to see I’m the best thing that ever happened to you, then go.” We just celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary because she was right. DONALD ROPSON, GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN

Soon after I began dating Matt, I told him that I had multiple sclerosis. It wasn’t bad, I said, but I explained how the disease might affect me. Matt didn’t care. “If it gets so bad that you can’t walk anymore, I’ll be your legs,” he said. “If it gets to where you can’t see, I’ll be your eyes. And if you can’t talk anymore, I’ll still know you love me because I know your heart.” BARBARA WOLF, LEMOYNE, PENNSYLVANIA ~ ~ ~

Here was the dilemma: Should I pursue my dream of becoming a nun or continue a relationship with my boyfriend? To decide, I gave up both him and cigarettes for the 40 days of Lent. On Holy Saturday, the final day of Lent, a knock came at the door. There he stood, holding out a cigarette for me. One deep drag made me dizzy. He caught me and helped me sit on the step. At that moment, wrapped in his arms, I knew I was never giving him up again. DARLENE MILLER, SHELBY TOWNSHIP, MICHIGAN

She was my best friend throughout high school. I could tell her all my deepest secrets except for one: that I was madly in love with her. Sadly, she married another and we lost touch. Cut to many years later: We were both divorced and had become fast friends again. This time, I let her know how I felt about her. We got married 30 years after high school, and I’m living my dream. BRAD BUMGARNER, GAHANNA, OHIO

It was during a painful, ego-driven argument. We sat across from each other, trying to sort it out. Exhausted, I finally said, “I don’t know what to do. Tell me what you want to do.” He said nothing. Instead, he just kissed me. MJ STAR, YORK, PENNSYLVANIA

I was a hostess for a Howard Johnson’s restaurant. He was the assistant manager of the motor lodge. One night, he asked me out for a drink. I said yes. We talked until closing time, and then he drove me home. At my door, he leaned down and ever so tenderly brushed my lips with his. That was all it took. I fell in love with him that night and stayed that way until his death, 42 years later. Do I still love him? Oh, yes. Would I do it again? Oh, I wish I could. BARBARA YOUNG, INDEPENDENCE, MISSOURI

I was in the hospital having my tonsils removed. The guy I was seeing was going to pick me up after he got off work, at 5 p.m. But I was discharged early, at 3:15, and the nurse asked if someone would be picking me up. Just then, it hit me. “Yes, my boyfriend,”I said, smiling. “He isn’t supposed to be here until five, but he won’t be able to wait that long. He’ll get here early because he’ll be worried about me.”Sure enough, he was there 15 minutes later. TRACI STOUT, BEAVERTON, OREGON

Previous dates brought me red roses, candy, even jewelry. Instead, he brought food—Looney Tunes frozen dinners, to be precise. He said, “I looked in your fridge; it was pretty empty.” How could I not fall in love?Suzie Berberich, Dryden, Michigan

Being from a conservative Indian family, my parents and I put in many years searching for a suitable match for me. On that journey was a friend who stood by me through thick and thin. In the 14 years that we went from classmates to best friends, I never once consciously thought of him as a lover. I tried remembering the exact moment I’d fallen for him by reliving all those moments that had made us laugh, fight, cry, and ache for each other. Try as I might, I could not recall it. Then it came to me at the altar on our wedding day. I had been in love with him all along. PRIYANKA PRASAD, DUMFRIES, VIRGINIA

I had been widowed for three years when I made a fresh start in New Mexico. One day, I introduced myself to a tall, handsome stranger who lived nearby. Together, we began hiking and venturing into town for the occasional movie. On the way home from one of those movie nights, I complained about my home’s many plumbing issues. The next morning, I answered a knock at the door. There stood my tall, handsome neighbor with a bag of tools in one hand and a piece of chocolate cake in the other. ROXANNE HAVILAND-DEBAUN, MITCHELL, OREGON

I fell in love as soon as I saw her in the Pullman Pie restaurant. It took me about a month to ask her out, and I was shocked when she said yes. I still can’t figure out what she saw in me. She was so beautiful. To me, it was like beauty and the beast. ANDREW RONQUILLO, PRESCOTT, ARIZONA

Life Advice From Twitter If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don’t mention it’s a dream until the end of the story.  @THEWOODENSLURPY (ALEXA)■

Jimmy Fallon asked viewers about terrible first dates. Can you top these? •

“I thought he was into fitness because he had on an ankle weight. He was actually on parole, and it was an ankle monitor.”

•“He still lived at home with his parents, so he had to sneak me in, and that was when I found out about the Ninja Turtle sheets.”•

“I went out with a psychic who told me he’d once got beaten up by a gang of ghosts.”•

“I thought it’d be cute to Lady and the Tramp some pasta. I got a whiff of pepper and sneezed pasta sauce all over him.”~ ~ ~

At dinner, my six-year-old niece turned to her dad and said, “Dad, when I grow up, I’m gonna marry you.”I laughed until her mom said to her, “Don’t make the same mistake I did.”ISAIAH INMAN, MEDINA, OHIO ~ ~ ~

One good thing about a five-year-old is they are always just a Krazy Straw and some chocolate milk away from the best day ever. @SIMONCHOLLAND

Last October, the Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, Bob Dylan, and other rock stars appeared at the music festival Desert Trip, where the average age of the rockers was 72. In honor of “Oldchella,” here are “new” songs by aging musicians: The Rolling Stones: “Gimme Sweater” Carly Simon: “You’re So Veiny” Led Zeppelin: “Stairlift to Heaven” U2: “I Still Haven’t Remembered What I’m Looking For” Willie Nelson: “On the John Again” The Who: “Bingo Wizard” Rod Stewart: “Do You Think I’m Sixty?” SOURCE: HUMORLABS.NET

Billion-dollar idea: An app that sends you a text when the light turns green. @DAMIENFAHEY

One day he told me, “If one of us dies, let’s agree to wait for the other to die so we can come back together in our next life.” And that was it. DEBORAH JURGENSEN, MADISON, SOUTH DAKOTA

......get your friend fired because he's just wasting valuable resources. .....

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Why watching 'The Bachelor' via Twitter is better than the real thing

Confession: I've never seen a single episode of The Bachelor.

I've come to this life decision for a few reasons:

I'm generally bad at keeping up with TV, which is time consuming. I prefer to spend the minutes I have doing things like catching horses in The Legend of Zelda and giving them dumb names. (To each their own, ya know.)

I think the greatest reality TV show of all time is VH1's Charm School (a televised manners school for the contestants of VH1's own slate of dating shows, featuring commandments like "thou shall show some class," and — I kid you not — Mo'Nique, Sharon Osborne, and Ricky Lake as its headmistresses).

However, even though I've never seen an episode of The Bachelor, I DO follow all the highs and lows of the iconic televised love competition. Because every Monday I gaze into the shining void of my phone, my eyeballs transfixed by the addicting madness of Bachelor Twitter. 

This is how you knock on a bathroom door when someone is throwing up or has diarrhea, not when you just broke off your engagement #thebachelor pic.twitter.com/gWMoujfWfL

— Michelle Collins (@michcoll) March 6, 2018

For the uninitiated, The Bachelor isn't just a reality TV dating show. It's THE reality TV dating show. It premiered in 2002, and each season tasks a single man — a bachelor, you might say — with dating a group of women to find his soulmate. Through a series of group dates, solo dates, travel adventures, and family visits, the bachelor figures out which contestants he likes and which he doesn't, eliminating them one by one in an elaborate rose ceremony until he has found *Borat voice* MAH WIFE.

The show is currently 22 seasons in (and counting), and since The Bachelor's early aughts debut, ABC has added several spinoffs to its lineup, including The Bachelorette, The Bachelor Pad, and Bachelor in Paradise. 

No matter what time of year, there's always some form of The Bachelor on TV. And I'm here to tell you, dear reader, to skip it. Skip it all! 

The best way to watch The Bachelor is to bypass the ABC broadcast and only follow along on Twitter instead.

Will you accept this hashtag rose?

A friend once explained the allure of Bachelor viewing parties to me. According to her, nobody is really THAT interested in what's happening on screen during any given episode. Each season tends to follow a script, just with a different set of people. 

Instead, the reason to host a Bachelor viewing party is because it's fun to gather your friends, drink wine together, and judge people who have turned the messy human work of falling in love into a spectator sport.

What better place to do that than on Twitter?

Twitter is designed so that users can share their thoughts as quickly as possible, in their most expressive way, with only a few characters. What that means in actuality is that the platform is prone to exaggeration, shade, and of course, my favorite form of nourishment, drama™. 

Pair that with the parody-prone conceit of a reality TV dating competition, and you get the most ideal Bachelor viewing situation.

Take Monday's night's season 22 finale, for example.

On my feed, while the internet discussed former Trump advisor Sam Nunberg's bizarre interviews and Frances McDormand's stolen Oscar statuette, I began to notice increasingly alarming tweets about what I could only assume was a series of war crimes being committed on national television.

"'Can we talk just a little bit?' No you fucking sociopath," one person wrote. "Make it stop," another person pleaded.

The Bachelor was on.

Shame on your Chris Harrison, producers and Arie for even airing this. Anything for ratings right?! #disgusted #thebachelor #BachelorFinale #BachelorNation pic.twitter.com/hLY2zQfIf0

— Stephanie Lucia 🌿 (@stephani3MS) March 6, 2018

People were livid!

#TheBachelor was absolutely disgusting tonight. Shame on you Chris Harrison and your whole franchise for what you put Becca through for the sake of ratings. Shame on you @ariejr you are THE WORST. Good luck with that loser, Lauren.

— Kate (@Katieb38) March 6, 2018

I don’t wanna look like this fucker anymore. #TheBachelor

— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) March 6, 2018

would definitely not recommend watching The Bachelor tonight if you are a real human with even bare minimum empathic tendencies.

— cristina arreola (@C_Arreola) March 6, 2018

What could this season's Bachelor Arie have done!? Did he decide to crown a winner through a real-life, impromptu Hunger Games? What in the world could have elicited this reaction?

Curious, I checked with my friend, colleague, and Bachelor devotee in the morning.

The big twist was that Arie had broken up with the person he had proposed to so that he could go back to dating another person he was simultaneously dating when he was forced to choose one to propose to due to the framework of the show!

Upon hearing the scandal, I couldn't help but feel the bitter pangs of disappointment. I'm not an Arie apologist, I have no stake in this race, and from what I understand, Arie is exceptionally boring. But something about the big twist feels so pedestrian.

Is Arie's decision a spectacularly shitty thing to do to another human being? YES. Is it completely icky to air someone's grief at being heartbroken on TV? YES. Is this type of situation baked into the framework of the show, which is a literal game show in which the main thing that's going to happen is emotional trauma? YES.

At the end of the day, what aired on TV was just a shitty man being shitty. Having your heart broken is an awful, unforgettable thing, but viewers have been watching people get their hearts broken for sport through The Bachelor for almost two decades at this point. If anything, the biggest crime the show committed was breaking the established rules of how it's supposed to go. That definitely pales in comparison to what you assume when all you see coming across your Twitter feed is:

leaveLeaveLEAVE...LEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAVVVVEEEEEEEEE!!! #LEAVE LeaVe lEAvE LEAVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #WhenISayLeaveIMeanLEAVERIGHTNOW #BYE #TheBachelor #SayonARI #GetOutMeansGetOut

— Melissa Ponzio (@MelissaPonzio1) March 6, 2018

And that's the beauty of skipping The Bachelor broadcast and just watching the show via tweets.

Thanks to the the collusion of two social mores — a television culture that encourages us to share our thoughts online the moment something happens combined with an internet culture that disdains spoilers — when you "watch" The Bachelor only through Twitter, you transform the show from an ordinary dating show into a television bonanza where literally anything is possible.

Let's call it Schrödinger's Rose Ceremony. By not watching The Bachelor, I can't prove that Arie hasn't committed some horrible atrocity when a tweet calling him trash rolls around my Twitter feed. But I can't NOT prove it, either.

Omg whoa can’t believe I just ran into Arie on my way home!!!!! #TheBachelor #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/blwd3GECMv

— Hannah F Caldwell (@MsHannahFrazier) March 6, 2018

And that's just fun.

When watching the actual show, you have to deal with the nuance of knowing that Arie has ALSO been put in a tricky spot by the whole conceit of having to choose a life partner in just a few short weeks via a series of group dates. But when you're on Twitter, where the primary language is hyperbole, you can just yell. It's cathartic to do, and let me tell you, it's cathartic to watch.

Bachelor Nation roll call

The other thing that makes watching The Bachelor great on Twitter is that the show, from the very start, IS manipulative. And Bachelor Nation, as the community of fans calls itself, knows that. So when something happens on the show, Twitter savvy viewers bust out their fan theories, their best memes, and a healthy dose of cynicism. 

For instance, soon after the big reveal that Arie was breaking up with Becca, a theory started that Becca was in on it.

Ok Becca is clearly in on it. This is just sad manufactured drama to try and make up for the most boring season ever. #thebachelor

— Calvin (@calvinstowell) March 6, 2018

Other people disagreed.

Anyone saying Becca is “in on it” is 100% wrong. No one would allow themselves to be humiliated on TV like this. #TheBachelor #TheBachelorFinale

— Michael Empric (@michaelempric) March 6, 2018

Even Becca herself got in on the speculation.

Deep down, I knew. pic.twitter.com/mJDMqeKzzL

— Rebecca Kufrin (@thebkoof) March 6, 2018

With The Bachelor, the real drama is what happens online, where the Twitter commentary is often funnier than the earnestness we're treated to onscreen.

Once you start watching with friends or tweeting your experience, that's when the real games begin. Twitter's where everyone dissects the drama of every character, date, elimination, etc. And you don't have to watch the show to appreciate that. 

Even the show knows! Which is why it hosts a Bachelor fantasy league.

At this point in our reality TV cycle, the best part about The Bachelor is the community. And Twitter's where it's at.

And it's not just during the finale. Thanks to following Bachelor online, I know that one contestant was declared a missing person, that we don't deserve the first black Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay, and that Peter is my new husband.

I've never seen an episode of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, but someone just showed me a photo of Peter, and like, yep, yes, I get it pic.twitter.com/rC8CpCtj50

— MJ Franklin (@heyitsfranklin2) August 8, 2017

These are all details that become tedious when you have to experience them alongside the minutiae of each episode. Take them in isolation, and the only thing stopping you from crafting the television drama of your dreams is the limits of your imagination.

They say ignorance is bliss. But with The Bachelor, ignorance is the optimal viewing experience. Don't watch the show. Follow it on Twitter.

WATCH: These are some of the weirdest dating apps of 2017

[yasbxxgie]

Adore or despise them, GIFs are integral to the social experience of the Internet. Thanks to a range of buttons, apps, and keyboards, saying “it me” without words is easier than ever. But even a casual observer of GIFing would notice that, as with much of online culture, black people appear at the center of it all. Or images of black people, at least. The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Oprah, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, NBA players, Tiffany Pollard, Kid Fury, and many, many other known and anonymous black likenesses dominate day-to-day feeds, even outside online black communities. Similar to the idea that “Black Vine is simply Vine,” as Jeff Ihaza determined in The Awl, black reaction GIFs have become so widespread that they’ve practically become synonymous with just reaction GIFs.

If you’ve never heard of the term before, “digital blackface” is used to describe various types of minstrel performance that become available in cyberspace. Blackface minstrelsy is a theatrical tradition dating back to the early 19th century, in which performers “blacken” themselves up with costume and behaviors to act as black caricatures. The performances put society’s most racist sensibilities on display and in turn fed them back to audiences to intensify these feelings and disperse them across culture. Many of our most beloved entertainment genres owe at least part of themselves to the minstrel stage, including vaudeville, film, and cartoons. While often associated with Jim Crow–era racism, the tenets of minstrel performance remain alive today in television, movies, music and, in its most advanced iteration, on the Internet.

Unlike other physical executions of blackface (such as by Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder, Sarah Silverman on her own show, Rachel Dolezal, or the authors of AB to Jay-Z) that require physical alternations and usually a change in demeanor (like Iggy Azalea’s “blaccent”), digital blackface is in some ways a more seamless transformation. Digital blackface uses the relative anonymity of online identity to embody blackness. In the case of Mandi Harrington, a white woman who masqueraded as the fictional “LaQueeta Jones,” digital blackface became a means for her to defend musician Ani DiFranco’s decision to host a retreat at a slave plantation. Digital minstrels often operate under stolen profile pictures and butchered AAVE. Quite often it comes in the form of an excessive use of reaction GIFs with images of black people.

After all, the emotional range these GIFs cover is quite large. Reaction GIFs are generally reserved for oddly specific yet also universal situations that we all can relate to: grabbing a snack to watch some drama unfold with MJ; witnessing an awkward encounter with Hov; walking into a garbage fire with Donald Glover; walking away from one with Angela Bassett; sipping with Wendy, Prince, or Bey; or delivering the shadiest side-eye imaginable with Viola Davis, Rihanna, James Harden, Tamar, Naomi Campbell, and truly too many other folks to name. The so-called “greatest meme of 2016,” at least according to BuzzFeed, featured rapper Conceited in the now-iconic GIF where he purses his lips and turns toward the camera with a red solo cup in hand.

Outside these cherry-picked, celeb-studded examples are countless reaction images of small sensations like Tanisha from Bad Girls Club and Ms. Foxy from Beyond Scared Straight, or relative unknowns, pulled from news coverage, YouTube, and Vines. These are the kind of GIFs liable to come up with a generic search like “funny black kid gif” or “black lady gif.” For the latter search, Giphy offers several additional suggestions, such as “Sassy Black Lady,” “Angry Black Lady,” and “Black Fat Lady” to assist users in narrowing down their search. While on Giphy, for one, none of these keywords turns up exclusively black women in the results, the pairings offer a peek into user expectations. For while reaction GIFs can and do every feeling under the sun, white and nonblack users seem to especially prefer GIFs with black people when it comes to emitting their most exaggerated emotions. Extreme joy, annoyance, anger and occasions for drama and gossip are a magnet for images of black people, especially black femmes.

Now, I'm not suggesting that white and nonblack people refrain from ever circulating a black person’s image for amusement or otherwise (except maybe lynching photos, Emmett Till’s casket, and videos of cops killing us, y’all can stop cycling those, thanks). There’s no prescriptive or proscriptive step-by-step rulebook to follow, nobody’s coming to take GIFs away. But no digital behavior exists in a deracialized vacuum. We all need to be cognizant of what we share, how we share, and to what extent that sharing dramatizes preexisting racial formulas inherited from “real life.” The Internet isn’t a fantasy — it’s real life.

After all, our culture frequently associates black people with excessive behaviors, regardless of the behavior at hand. Black women will often be accused of yelling when we haven’t so much as raised our voice. Officer Darren Wilson perceived a teenage Michael Brown as a hulking “demon”and a young black girl who remained still was flipped and dragged across a classroom by deputy Ben Fields. It's an implication that points toward a strange way of thinking: When we do nothing, we’re doing something, and when we do anything, our behavior is considered "extreme." This includes displays of emotion stereotyped as excessive: so happy, so sassy, so ghetto, so loud. In television and film, our dial is on 10 all the time — rarely are black characters afforded subtle traits or feelings. Scholar Sianne Ngai uses the word “animatedness” to describe our cultural propensity see black people as walking hyperbole.

If there’s one thing the Internet thrives on, it’s hyperbole and the overrepresentation of black people in GIFing everyone’s daily crises plays up enduring perceptions and stereotypes about black expression. And when nonblack users flock to these images, they are playacting within those stereotypes in a manner reminiscent of an unsavory American tradition. Reaction GIFs are mostly frivolous and fun. But when black people are the go-to choice for nonblack users to act out their most hyperbolic emotions, do reaction GIFs become “digital blackface”?

Then comes the more sinister side of this. Similar cases happen all over the comments section virtually anywhere, with or without a photo, often prefaced with statements like “as a black man…” before proceeding to sound like anything but. In other instances, digital blackface is an orchestrated attempt by white supremacists to disrupt black organizing. Writer Shafiqah Hudsonstarted the hashtag #yourslipisshowing to document instances of digital blackface in real time, joined by other black women writers and theorists such as I’Nasah Crockett, Sydette Harry, Mikki Kendall, Trudy, and Feminista Jones. As the name of the tag suggests, online minstrels are no more believable than their in-person counterparts to anyone who knows black culture and black people, rather than a series of types. Unfortunately, digital blackface often goes unchecked unless a black person does the work to point out the discrepancies in someone’s profile.

But while these examples are particularly noteworthy for their malicious intent, digital blackface has softer counterparts, just like offline blackface. Digital blackface does not describe intent, but an act — the act of inhabiting a black persona. Employing digital technology to co-opt a perceived cache or black cool, too, involves playacting blackness in a minstrel-like tradition. This can be as elaborate as anon accounts like @ItsLaQueefa or as inadvertent as recruiting images of black queer men to throw shade at one’s enemies. No matter how brief the performance or playful the intent, summoning black images to play types means pirouetting on over 150 years of American blackface tradition.

Images of black people, more than anyone else, are primed to go viral and circulate widely online — in trauma, in death, and in memes. Reaction GIFs are an uneasy reminder of the way our presence is extra visible in life, every day, in ways that get us profiled, harassed, mocked, beaten, and killed. Long before the Internet or television, merry racist characters like pickaninnies and coons circulated the same social space as lynching postcards. Being on display has always been a precarious experience for black folks. Scholars such as Tina Campt and artists like Martine Syms consider what it means for black images to be reproduced as stock visuals in history and culture. “Representation is a sort of surveillance,” Syms recently told The New Yorker. Reaction GIFing looks less innocuous with the consideration of how overrepresented images of black people have become within the practice.

“[T]o be looped in a GIF, to be put on display as ‘animated’ at the behest of audiences,” as Monica Torres describes for Real Life, is an act with racial history and meaning. These GIFs often enact fantasies of black women as “sassy” and extravagant, allowing nonblack users to harness and inhabit these images as an extension of themselves. GIFs with transcripts become an opportunity for those not fluent in black vernacular to safely use the language, such as in the many “hell to the no,” “girl, bye,” and “bitch, please” memes passed around. Ultimately, black people and black images are thus relied upon to perform a huge amount of emotional labor online on behalf of nonblack users. We are your sass, your nonchalance, your fury, your delight, your annoyance, your happy dance, your diva, your shade, your “yaas” moments. The weight of reaction GIFing, period, rests on our shoulders. Intertwine this proliferation of our images with the other ones we’re as likely to see — death, looped over and over — and the Internet becomes an exhausting experience.

If you find yourself always reaching for a black face to release your inner sass monster, maybe consider going the extra country mile and pick this nice Taylor Swift GIF instead.