#'he's my best friend' LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER

[deiscension]

[EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]

[lxkeee]

Hi, could I request a Lucifer morningstar x darkness demon overlord reader? She lurks in the shadows like a boogeyman, she acts like morticia adams from the adams family, how would he meet or act around the gothic queen👁👁✨

LUCIFER X OVERLORD! FEM! READER

Part two

Lucifer was just wandering around hell, unknowingly entering a territory of an overlord.

He doesn't know okay? It's just a forest of dead wilted trees with ominous aura.

His first instinct is to investigate.

This is his first time coming here, he only discovered this area after flying by to return to the palace.

Lucifer was walking around the dense forest, with his guard up.

The forest was quiet. A little too quiet.

He isn't afraid, unfortunately. He knows he can kill any demon who would try to mess with him.

Crack. A twig snapped

His head whipped to the direction of the noise, “Who goes there? Show yourself!” he threatens, wings in full display.

Shadows moving around him and finally stopping in front of him, morphing into a figure.

Lucifer expected a lot of things, but this.

A very tall and gorgeous woman, large deer antlers on her head. Sultry eyes and a smirk on her face.

Oh fuck, she's beautiful. Dangerous. He can sense the power she has.

“Good evening your highness, I didn't expect to see you here wandering around my home.” the woman says with a chuckle, making the man become a little flustered.

“Your home...?” he asked hesitantly and the woman nodded.

“Yes, this is my home or rather my territory. My home is somewhere around here. I just sensed a presence around these grounds and decided to check. I didn't expect to see the king of hell to be here.”

“M-my apologies, my lady. I simply didn't know.” he stammers a bit. Ah, calm yourself Lucifer. You're more powerful so you shouldn't be intimidated, he says to himself internally.

“It is alright, if you don't mind. Do you want to join me for a cup of tea? I just so happen to have finished brewing some.”

Lucifer is cautious around sinners, especially her. He doesn't know why his heart is palpitating this much. The best reason he got is fear loud incorrect buzzer noise

“I don't want to intrud—”

“Nonsense! You're not intruding.”

“But—”

“Do not fret, I am not going to hurt you. I should be the scared one as you are much more powerful than me. I am sure you can obliterate my existence with a flick of your finger.” the woman laughs softly, a kind of laugh that reminds him of the books he's read. The kind of laugh that draws you in.

“How about this, how about we get acquainted with each other? So that you'll be more comfortable?”

Lucifer's eyes narrowed, “Why are you so insistent?”

“Well, I just love making friends and you my dear seem to be an interesting character that I don't mind befriending.”

Lucifer rolls his eyes but eventually nodded, “Fine, My name is Lucifer Morningstar.”

“Wonderful, then... It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Lucifer, my name is [y/n]” She says before gently holding his hand and placing a small kiss on his knuckles.

With a smirk on her face as her eyes looked at him as she did so.

Lucifer's cheeks reddened, quickly snatching his hand away from the demoness.

“So, about that tea?”

Lucifer is beginning to see a pattern.

A type even.

It's been a few months since he's met the deer demoness.

Surprisingly he managed to get along with her, despite her... Rather questionable actions.

He often visits her mansion at the middle of the forest where he met her or the other way around.

She often surprises him by popping out of the shadows with her presence concealed.

She's playful, mysterious, dangerous, beautiful.

And tall.

He likes his women tall okay?

And he likes them a little deranged.

Anyways.

She keeps teasing him.

Just like the other day, he came to visit at the wrong time and she forced him to help her get dressed.

It was inappropriate! She only asked him to zip the zipper of her dress.

Poor guy was blushing.

She didn't make fun of his obsession with rubber ducks.

She even made ducks out of shadows and made it swim around his room and of course, he made one too with his powers.

The shadows and gold dust ducks swimming around the room and in the air.

It was... Cute...

Lucifer has gotten to know the woman better too, he has gotten the chance to see many sides of her.

Lucifer isn't stupid, he can tell he's developing feelings for her.

He's afraid, he's afraid of getting hurt again or hurting her.

He has issues he needed to fix first.

Though, he is slightly a flustered mess around the woman.

Can you blame him? She calls him endearing nicknames! She calls him sweetheart and it just makes his heart flutter.

He is cautious around her not because he's afraid of her but because he fears his feelings for her would accidentally be known.

And she just appears out of nowhere!

It took awhile for him to sort his emotions and he thinks he is finally ready to confess.

But first, Lucifer needs to find hints if she feels the same way.

“Thanks for the coffee, [y/n]. It tastes amazing as always.” Lucifer says, admiring the duck shaped cream that is floating on his coffee.

“It is a pleasure, sweetheart. Drink to your heart's content. I know you've been stressed lately.” She says with a gentle voice.

“I have a question.” he started, already planning a discreet way to ask her.

“Hmm? Go ahead.”

“What if let's say... You have a close friend and you've only known him for a couple of months but they fell in love with you and now they're planning to confess to you? Would you date him?”

Don't mind him guys, he's trying his best.

[y/n] tilts her head slightly, confused before giggling.

She's not stupid but she kinda wants to tease him.

“Depending on who this friend is.”

“Just answer.” he deadpans.

“Yes, would you confess though?” she asked as she leans forward to reach him across the table, holding his chin. Lips just a few inches away from each other.

Lucifer.exe has stopped working.

“Y-yes...” he stammers, beginning to feel shy as his cheeks heat up.

“Do you want a kiss?” she asked teasingly.

“Please...?”

“Good boy.” she says before finally pressing her lips against his.

It was the most addicting kiss he ever experienced.

“I like you.”

“I like me too.”

“[y/n]!”

“I am just joking, I like you too.”

[balletfilmss]

HOME TO HER

✸ pairing: percy jackson x daughter of hera! reader smau

✸ notes: requested by @aryxchse!! i tried out tweets with this one bc i think they’re SO fun so lmk what you think 😚

…now playing: you & i — one direction

itsyn: dear camp jupiter, you can’t keep him, he’s mine 🤍🫶

tagged: itspercy

view all comments

itspercy: they couldn’t keep me away from you even if they wanted to

╰┈➤ itsyn: they better not try again bc i have a bow and arrows and ik how to use em

╰┈➤ itspercy: use them next time your mom tries to square up w me

╰┈➤ itsyn: 🤺🤺🤺

wise.girl: HEY I (unfortunately) TOOK THAT SECOND PIC, WHERE’S MY PHOTO CRED???

╰┈➤ itsyn: pic creds to my amazing sweet gorgeous angel spectacular best friend annie 🫶

╰┈➤ wise.girl: thank you 😌

pipermcqueen: third pic is the best photo i’ve ever seen of percy

╰┈➤ wise.girl: because his face is covered?

╰┈➤ pipermcqueen: YES MAAAAAM

sunshinesolace: yall they got matching users, ain’t NOBODY separating them

╰┈➤ itsyn: damn straight 😤

╰┈➤ sunshinesolace: damn HUH?? WHO?? WHERE?? LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER

╰┈➤ itsyn: AJSHSK THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT

itspercy: i look fly as hell in that first pic 😮‍💨

╰┈➤ pipermcqueen: someone humble this man rn

╰┈➤itspercy: PIPER LET ME LIVE

praetor.reyna: girl TAKE HIM PLEASE

╰┈➤ itsyn: don’t worry rey, i’ll keep him on a leash or smth and away from you <3

╰┈➤ itspercy: HELLO??

╰┈➤ itsyn: the leash can be blue, now shush

╰┈➤ itspercy: 🫡

…now playing: work song — hozier

itspercy: sorry future mama-in-law, but you could never make me forget her

tagged: itsyn

view all comments

jaygrace: hera throwing a temper tantrum over that caption rn i just know it (i don’t mean it, queen, pls don’t hurt me 😇)

╰┈➤ itspercy: hoes mad 🤷‍♂️ (hoes is obviously jason…just in case anyone was wondering)

╰┈➤ itsyn: shut up rn, both of you

itsyn: im not crying, you’re crying

╰┈➤ itspercy: NO BABY DONT CRY

╰┈➤ itsyn: IT’S TOO LATE TO SAY THAT 😭😭

wise.girl: WHO TOLD THIS MAN ABOUT HOZIER???

╰┈➤ itsyn: um, guilty?

╰┈➤ itspercy: hozier is me in disguise bc that song WAS written about my sweet girl yn

gman_: why do you always have THE MOST INTENSE EYE CONTACT W THE CAMERA LIKE???

╰┈➤ itspercy: fabulous genetics, courtesy of the queen (MY mom)

itsyn: i love you water boy ☹️

╰┈➤ itspercy: i love you more angel

╰┈➤ itsyn: IMPOSSIBLE

╰┈➤ itspercy: POSSIBLE

╰┈➤ itsyn: WE’RE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN

jaygrace: IMAGINE getting all your memories back

╰┈➤ pipermcqueen: JASON STOP TRAUMA DUMPING IN THE COMMENT SECTION 🗣️🗣️

╰┈➤ itspercy: it’s okay bro, all you’ve gotta remember is me

frank.zz: if juno comes for your ass over that caption, i am NOT helping this time

╰┈➤ itsyn: haven’t you been observing, frank? if she tries again imma get her, obviously 🙄🤺

╰┈➤ itspercy: problem SOLVED

praetor.reyna: imma get you a shirt that says “if lost return to yn” so we don’t have this problem again

╰┈➤ itspercy: and i will wear it religiously, give

itsyn: NO GRAVE COULD HOLD MY BODY DOWN

╰┈➤ itspercy: I’LL CRAWL HOME TO HER (you)

╰┈➤ itsyn: 🤭🤍

[hvly]

WINDBREAKER VIRGINS YOU SAY 👀👀👀

— ⋆｡˚｡⋆ ｡˚ 𓆩𖥔𓆪 ˚｡⋆｡˚｡⋆ —

speaking : yep, you heard right 🙂‍↕️ every show/manga i read is gonna get hit with my virgin ray. "i love virgins, anon ! I LOVE VIRGIIINS !"

𓆩𖥔𓆪 — disclaimer ! these are just my opinions ! if you disagree, cool. let's keep it cute. tbh, they all could be virgins, but they’re the most pressing in my eyes.

Nirei Akihiko

Don't get me wrong, I like Nirei alot ! I think he's super cute and he's so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. But, until his confidence goes up, ain't nothing going down. i do think he has a separate notebook with sex tips that's he gathered from various sources. From friends he worked up the courage to ask, to Cosmo articles, to the pornos he watches on lonely nights. When he finally get brave enough to try though, best believe he'll be prepared for any possible scenario.

Sugishita Kyotaro

Again, I feel like perhaps because he's tall, quiet and handsome, y'all think he'd be laying pipe. I mean, the quiet ones are usually the nastiest in bed, right? extremely loud incorrect buzzer. It'd be a miracle to actually get a sentence out of him. And it'd be another miracle to convince him to come shake the sheets instead of playing Umemiya's shadow. The plants he takes care of have a better chance getting wet by him than you ever will.

Tsugeura Taiga

Straight up, he just scares away any possible suitors. Plus, he's a little slow on the uptake. Between being loud and a bit off putting, and his his inability to catch social cues, he is unfortunately stuck in perpetual virgindom. That's it, that's all.

Sakura Haruka

Now, put the torches and pitchforks down before y'all drag me to the town square. How do we as a collective think Sakura would react if he saw you naked? Stand there reveling in the majesty that is you, dick so hard he might pass out? No. He'd turn red and start yelling before you even get your shoes off. Get him more comfortable with being romantic/sexual, and i’m sure the yelling, stomping, flailing and cherry red blush will die down…in a couple years. Best of luck !

Saku Mizuki

Wannabe General Mizuki. The minute I saw him, I knew he was getting NO pussy. And that makes me sad for him, it truly does. He's too stiff. If, for some odd reason on your part, you decided to lay the moves on him, he'd probably lecture you on how it's inappropriate to shamelessly flirt with people. He'd kill the mood so bad. Plus that one dude called him ugly and he turned around..oof

Takiishi Chika

Take this one with a grain of salt, but from what I've gathered...he just would not be interested. I'm sure Endo has tried bringing it to his attention before. And I'm also sure he got the fire knocked out his ass as soon as it left his mouth. Now, if does decide to get his dick wet, I hope you're fully resigned to letting him do whatever he wants and possibly leaving unsatisfied. Utter anything that sounds like you're telling him what to do? Let's leave getting beat up to Endo, mkay?

Shuhei Suzuri

I think he finds fulfillment and joy in his hobbies and that's all he needs. Being able to cook for people and enjoy his games gives him the satisfaction he was missing when he was in extreme poverty. I'm sure he wouldn't really mind losing his virginity either way, but it's definitely not on the forefront of his mind. A consistently full belly and a couple video games is good enough for now.

Choji Tomiyama

He thinks everything is a game and plays entirely too much to just be fucking for real. And I think he's fine with that ! He's carefree and he's content knocking people's heads together. I do think you could probably get him to give losing his virginity a true shot if you compare him to Umemiya or make it a competition, though. But who's gonna do all that to nut? (I really just added him to make one specific person mad. Let me know if it worked <3)

Honorable Mention : Togame Jo & Umemiya Hajime

Just cuz I want to be the one to take their virginity. I have no real reason LMAOOO.

© 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘰 hvly 2024. 𝘋𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘧y.

[rexecutioner]

If you want a way to introduce MyStreet to your friends, or want to rewatch it but don’t remember the lore as well as you would like…boy have I got some news for you.

Let me introduce you to Dubbing Over All Of MyStreet!!!

Talking from experience, dubbing over Aphmau videos is fucking hilarious if you keep bits going and all have a pretty good sense of humor.

Me, my best friend, and my (twin) sister all sat down one day a few months ago and, without remembering any of the lore, (we were MyStreet kids) dubbed over Emerald Secret and we had a blast.

Forever Potions? WRONG. Aphmau, Zane and Lucinda get possessed by Andrew Tate and two of the founding fathers instead.

Aaron being the son of Derek Lycan? LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER. Andrew “Derek” Tate. Aaron Lycan-Tate. Melissa Tate. And Just Pearly Things Tate, don’t ask me about that one.

Ein handing Aphmau the knife to kill Aaron? SO CLOSE! Ein and Aaron having romantic tension confessing their love to each other as Andrew Tate possessing Aphmau walks over to Ein, demanding his knife, and Ein accidentally drops it, exclaiming “Oh, darn my butterfingers!”

Kim gets possessed by Emmalyn? NOPE. Kim gets possessed by “The Ghost of Bisexuality’s Past” and one half of her brain is gushing over Zendaya and Audrey Plaza while the other is screaming about Josh Hutcherson and young Matt Dillon.

Aaron lore taking over a third of the season? NOT ANYMORE. Aaron character growth as he learns from Kim and Lucinda that all women deserve rights and misogyny is bad, while Aphmau and Zane have a side plot about how manipulating your best friend into turning people into dogs and telling her you are her conscience is bad.

Strictly Aarmau? WRONG AGAIN. Crackships like Aarein come into play, while more fandom loved ones like Garrance, Danvis and Katecinda are thrown around. Along with some canon ships like Travlyn and Zana, while including with some weird “we forgot the plot and who these characters are bcs they only show up in this season” ships that will not be named here.

And that’s just Emerald Secret, we dubbed over Love Love Paradise (halfway done), Lover’s Lane (one third), When Angels Fall (first few episodes we had two other friends join us!), Pheonix Drop High S2, A Royal Tale, and a few Cocomau videos as well.

We have made so many inside jokes while dubbing My Street. I didn’t even get to the Time Travel Trio, Aphmau stealing people’s souls, Not Alone Buddies inner consciousness mind links, Ivan’s lisp, Weed Crystals, Milf Manor, Aphmau’s queer awakening, the emeralds actually telling secrets, Tatiana being named “Thanks for Watching”, Aarmau break up (forever), Liochant and Michi’s drug ring, and so much more.

You don���t have to be good at voice acting or know the plot, you just have to know the character’s names and a loose understanding of improv, and you’ll be set.

Just a fair warning, if you plan to dub over a piece of media you like, make sure you don’t remember the plot as well as you’d like to, or else your brain might just fill in random stuff with lore that is already canon, which is why the second half of our Angel’s Fall dub kinda fell off because at that point all three of us knew the plot. Have fun with it! Don’t feel pressured to make it close to canon at all.

I even made fanart for it. Heads up, this art is old and the style is outdated. I don’t draw like this anymore.

[ssruis]

Saw someone say it wasn’t realistic that rui is now liked by more people & he should have to experience more social rejection and be fine with it for an arc because it’s “not realistic” & (extremely loud incorrect buzzer) uh oh! looks like someone failed their rui kamishiro classes.

A lot of Rui’s issues with connecting with others/being disliked by his peers had to do with people just not understanding him - assuming he was dangerous, that he was willing to put people in harms way, that he was just a crazy director. There was a massive gap in maturity, of course - if you put a super genius (autism coded) child in a group with average kids, he’s going to stick out. RMD shows this pretty clearly. He attempted to reach out through using shows as a common ground, which didn’t work.

Now that he’s in high school, and his peers are more mature, those who actually speak to him and spend time with him are able to recognize that he’s actually a good guy. Look at his relationship with Akito if you need an example. Additionally, through tsukasa & wxs Rui was able to realize he could connect to people outside of shows and he stopped acting very… indifferent to everyone around him, which also helped with making friends. The pandemonium crew were a special case because they all thought Rui’s knowledge/inventions/etc were cool from the get go, but other students… did not share that opinion. And still don’t.

There are a lot of examples I could bring up, but the 2nd card story in Rui’s “Brand New Style” 2* (TL Haruka’s penguins) is one of the best:

2nd year (greening) committee member A: Well, I’m still attached to the plants I took care of, so I thought I’d take care of them until I graduate.

3rd year committee member A: That’s understandable. Besides… ever since Kamishiro-kun joined us, it’s been much easier to take care of them.

2nd year committee member B: True, the flowerbeds aren’t getting vandalized anymore!

Rui: I don’t think I’ve really done much… but I’m honored to hear you say something like that.

3rd year committee member B: Yeah, I’m really looking forward to working with you again this year, Kamishiro!

Rui: (The atmosphere of this committee has changed a lot.)

Rui: (When I first joined, the looks everyone gave me weren’t exactly ones of “welcoming.”)

Rui: (Now, though, I seem to have gained their understanding. I’m grateful.)

Rui: (But…)

1st year committee members: Hey, isn’t that the senpai we heard those rumors about? The one from the weirdo one-two finish…

1st year committee members: That problem child who flies drones and conducts dangerous experiments in school? Why does he have to be in the Greening Committee…? I thought it was meant to be a peaceful committee…

Rui: (… Well, I suppose it can’t be helped.)

[rui is asked to be the one to explain greening committee’s responsibilities to the new 1st year members]

Rui: Would everyone please follow me?

1st year committee members: O… okay…

[scene change to outside]

1st year committee members: I never thought I’d end up getting involved with the senpai from the rumors like this…

1st year committee members: My friend’s older brother said to stay away from him because he’s supposed to be dangerous…

Rui: We’re here.

1st year committee members: O-okay!

Rui: All the flowerbeds facing this schoolyard are managed by the greening committee.

Rui: We’re in charge of daily watering duty, but we also work with the soil and plant new flowers during committee time.

Rui: The seeds for the flowers over there were planted a few months ago by the committee members. I’m glad to see the buds have finally sprouted.

1st year committee members: Hmm, you’ve been growing them from seeds, these flowers —

Rui: Ah, please be careful when you go to touch the flowers. It’s difficult to see, but there’s a net in front of the flowerbed.

1st year committee members: Woah, there is…! I didn’t notice at all, but there’s a net of threads like a spider web…!

1st year committee members: But what’s the purpose of that?

Rui: This flowerbed is positioned in quite a precarious place.

Rui: The flowers planted here were often crushed by stray balls from the tennis and softball clubs.

Rui: In order to protect the flowers from such accidents… but also to avoid spoiling the scenery, an almost invisible defense net was made.

1st year committee members: “Was made”… Did you make it, Kamishiro-senpai?

Rui: I did. I felt sorry for the flowers, you see.

1st year committee members: … Someone who’s known for dangerous experiments is working with the flowers…

Rui: … Oh dear. This flower seems to have withered.

1st year committee members: Ah… If it’s withered that much, I doubt it’ll grow anymore. You’ll be wasting the nutrients of other flowers, so it’s better to thin out—

Rui: … No.

Rui: I’ll put this flower in another planter and take care of it.

Rui: When it’s recovered, I’ll return it to this flowerbed. It should be together with everyone else, after all.

1st year committee members: Kamishiro-senpai…

1st year committee members: … I will do my best as a greening committee member.

1st year committee members: Senpai, please teach me a lot!

I think this card story is a microcosm of how he started to be more accepted at school - 1st years are scared of him, then they spend time with him and realize he’s not Some Insane Dangerous Monster but instead a nice guy (… when he’s not being a freak), and are like “oh ok he’s not a bad person we accept him.” Crucially: there are still other students who don’t accept him. & Rui has never really had an issue brushing this off, even if it’s obviously not something he enjoys experiencing.

I could talk at length on how I think this is actually a pretty realistic portrayal of what it’s like when you go from being really misunderstood (and therefore unliked) as a kid and then have an easier time making friends when you’re older, but I don’t think that’s necessary. I will say that I think if pjsk elected to instead constantly hammer in the fact that some people still don’t like rui it would kind of run against the story’s message of improving your life. We don’t need to dwell on sad things constantly in the Hopeful Hatsune Miku Game. But whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

The thread also mentioned that Rui should have been more upset in BLF over not immediately succeeding, which I don’t have as much to say about beyond. No? It shouldn’t have? Why would it? Rui himself acknowledges that he’s not as well versed in the world of movie directing, and he’s always been eager to learn, which is a sign that he knows there are gaps in his knowledge. Similar to the rest of WxS, setbacks regarding his passions are something he views as an opportunity to improve.

Also. Rui *has* failed before as a director, just not on a massive scale. He mentions regretting type casting Tsukasa up until the torpe show, he mentions being at a loss for how to help Tsukasa in Phoenix, he talks about how his lack of singing knowledge was detrimental to Nene’s growth. I agree that it would be interesting to see him struggle in a big way with directing specifically, but it’s just not true that he’s never failed at anything ever wrt directing.

[matashaw]

El Matashaw

≫I mean, my tumblr is literally called Matashaw, of course I’m gonna have Matashaw headcanons! This post is dedicated to the best person I’ve ever met in the fandom, @vampirateee !! I hope you enjoy them a lot, I love you!!

(Tw for slight nsfw)

General headcanons:

El Matador

trans fem, pansexual, she/her pronouns

Spanish, born in the capital

hyper sexual, but doesn’t accept it because “everyone’s a bit horny sometimes” (she’s horny 24/7)

npd and bdp because, do I have to explain??

crazy bitch with multiple disorders but I love her

loves tight shirts and flare/wide pants (and short skirts but that’s on special occasions), her closet literally has any piece you can think of!

rudest person EVER, doesn’t think before talking, and is not willing to. Apologizing? What’s that?

proudest Spaniard you will ever meet

really silky, soft, long black hair, every time she’s stressed she just caresses it

North Shaw

trans masc, bisexual, he/they pronouns

Both of his parents are Argentinian but he was born in Australia

Has freckles literally everywhere, doesn’t really like them

biggest The Smiths and The Cure fan, some people might call him basic because his favorite song is “Boys don’t cry”. He once listened to it all night and his neighbors called the police on him

HES SO DUMB HE CANT TAKE INDIRECTS FOR HIS LIFE OH MY GOD

stupid ass jock (I’m so mad about the fact they made him smarter in the earlier seasons)

a sucker for love, spent his teenage years hugging his pillow while crying

found out he was into men thanks to an “am I gay” quiz he did as a joke with his friends, he got the highest score out of them and stayed awake the whole night thinking about it

his dancing skills are horrible, but has so much fun in discos, he be hitting the most hideous moves with Blok, but hey, he’s happy!

Ship headcanons:

“North is the smart one and El Matador is the stupid one!” INCORRECT LOUD BUZZER, WRONG. THEY ARE BOTH STUPID AS FUCK

used to shower together but they stopped since North kept peeing on his very dear gf☺️

their first date was to the beach, they both got drunk and decided to go run naked and terrorize seagulls (they later had to run away because the seagulls came for them)

North is sometimes quite insecure about his body, and el matador literally does not help.

——north looking at himself in the mirror clearly feeling insecure

——“babe don’t look at yourself like that your ass is so fat and juicy don’t worry”

all their disagreements get solved with a “I’m at Wendy’s do you want something”

North once presented El to his parents, let’s just say they had to go to couple therapy after that! (Thanks Nel for the hc)

admire each other a lot, but will not say it

when sleeping together North keeps getting in El’s side of the bed. (She pushes him out by literally kicking him) (and he somehow doesn’t wake up)

oh yeah I forgot, NORTH SNORES SO LOUDLY.

El Matador once tried to cover his mouth with water to stop the snoring but he began to choke (and he still somehow didn’t wake up)

when bored El asks North to carry her around the house

North canonically doesn’t shower a lot so his very dear gf (☺️) created a twitter account called “North’s days without showering count” in which she posts things like “day nine without north showering. He smells like hell and says going into the ocean counts as showering.” (account which went pretty viral)

when making out North usually grabs her by her waist

they are so dumb some of their conversations are like this

——“dude I was looking for my phone with my phones flashlight 😂😭”

——“oh my god 😂😭 where was it?”

North once got cancelled for punching a cameraman recording them getting out of a restaurant

they can be in the most serious talk of their life’s with the team and El would star rubbing north’s thight and then looking at him like “you know you want this” (once got caught and coach went on an one hour rant with the boys about why it was wrong)

For North’s birthday El gave him multiple photos of herself and made one of those rose petals path with candles to the room

The most romantic North has even done is letting El eat the last fry

North brushes El’s hair when he’s nervous

every time any of them have a hard day they just curl up on the bed hugging each other while the other one cries (but when asked they both deny it because what the fuck that’s so embarrassing)

talk shit together

——“I CANT believe they put Liquido number one in the best hair of the super league category, HAVE YOU SEEN THAT?”

——“OH MY GOD I KNOW RIGHT IT LOOKS HORRENDOUS WHO EVEN FUCKED HIM UP THAT BADLY”

literally kissed in front of everyone after winning the super league but hey… Those are just rumors, alright??

El matador paints North’s nails but he usually ends up eating the nail polish when dry (again thanks Nel for the hc!!)

every time El sees North talk to someone she immediately comes and enters the conversation as she hugs North (jealous cunt)

Both confessed their love to each other when drunk at a super league event

North has an horrible photo of El sleeping as his phone wallpaper

They both sleep naked

NSFW headcanons:

both absolutely love riding each other

There isn’t a pose they haven’t tried out yet

They both have so much hickeys, and when people ask them why do they both CASUALLY have hickeys they’ll just say “yeah I think the mosquitos empire only comes for our necks… and torsos… and waists… and chests….”

THEY ARE SO LOUD OH MY GOD

once had sex in the beach, they’ve never had more fun (north’s idea)

If you wonder, the glasses ARE STAYING.

once had an argument because North came on her face and stained her glasses so she got mad at him, then North said that she should take the glasses off and oh my god north how could u say that to me learn to control your cum it’s not that hard

El once called North at 3am because she was feeling so horny and dirty talked until the sunrise (me and who..)

blowjobs >>>

they like it rough!!

absolutely despise three-ways. Once tried it out and couldn’t even finish

hair pulling at its finest!!

[berrywinkle]

«You like Astarion because you were a Twilight girlie.» *LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER* (I thought Twilight was boring)

«You like Astarion because of Spike from Buffy.» *LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER* (I have never watched Buffy)

«You like Astarion because-» All wrong, my friend.

I like him because he’s the best Orzhov lifegain vampire card in Magic: the gathering!

I didn’t even know he was from a videogame before I saw edits of him on Tiktok! I thought he was just another cool vampire card!

And since he’s helped me win so many times, of course I fell for him immediately.

[c-53]

Reading really old marathon/halo connection theories is fun. There was this one that was like ‘what if master chief was a battleroid’ and! He basically is. They just started him off as a baby instead of a corpse. correct buzzer. And then it went on to be like ‘we never DID find out what happened to the 10th cyborg at tau ceti’ and LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER. DOES MY BEST FRIEND MJOLNIR RECON UNIT 54 MEAN NOTHING TO YOU

[captain-jaggerys-best-hater]

rate every hamilton ship you've seen?

i'll try my best broski

(wont be using ship names + only including the LEGAL ships)

Alexander x John L.

10/10

I love them they're so incredibly silly

one of my favorites

Alexander x Eliza

9/10

cutie patooties

they're adorable but he also cheated on her so... erm...

still very cute. prefer them in act one 100%

Alexander x Lafayette

8/10

"immigrants. we get the job done."

love them so

Alexander x Angelica

5/10

i really cant say much for this

neutral

Alexander x Maria

3/10

idk. not my thing.

Alexander x Aaron

3/10

he. erm. killed him.

it could maybe work out before the duel though? idk

Alexander x Thomas

9/10

love me some good enemies to lovers

i feel Thomas started hating Alexander less after Alex was the reason he got elected as president

hate-fucking. must i say more?

Alexander x Hercules

7/10

not much to say about it

honestly, I see it.

Eliza x Maria

6/10

i mean....

power couple? maybe? idk.

Thomas x James

8/10

okay i loved their friendship, so they can date as little treat

they back eachother up, it's cute

Phillip H. x George E.

0/10

he killed him ??

*loud incorrect buzzer*

Lafayette x Hercules

10/10

I LOVE THEM. THEM. THEY ARE SO!

100% MY OTP.

im so normal about them *my organs are stimming*

Peggy x Lafayette

4/10

I mean it could probably be cute but....

idk. i dont see it.

King George x George W.

7/10

so fucking funny. thats all i have to say.

Aaron x Theodosia P.

5/10

Theodosia never showed up in the musical, so theyres not much i can say lmao

Phillip H. x Theodosia A.

5/10

same as the last one.

Charles x John J.

5/10

same as the last two. #crying

Charles x John. L

2/10

he shot him ?? hello ??

Martha M. x Angelica

6/10

okay i know Martha didnt show up in the musical

but i can still see it kinda

Charles x Samuel

9/10

I hate both of them, so theyre perfect for eachother

K. George x Samuel

6/10

insane power dynamic and itd probably be toxic if were being logical

John L. x Lafayette

8/10

love them

my friend wrote a quotev fic about them, it was adorbs

John. L x Hercules

7/10

my friend also wrote a quotev fic about them and i loved it

HamilGang (romantic)

9/10

i love poly ships

like fr i eat that shit up every time

okay that's all i can remember. ill reblog with more if i remember more lol

[memoryoflooping]

loop 20 notes are more of interest my policy is just to post whatever loop i just finished as well

loop 19 - -ok we are doing this right THIS time!!!!!! -there's a chance the party will remember if sif does? -UH OOPS? I made sif remember something with the coin hoping loop would react -"you'll always forget about the things you love" siffrin are you good buddy???? -ok i'll do isa's event again tomorrow god fucking damn it i can't believe i forgot to ask about time craft in the library -well to be fair siffrin i would also make my friends happy forever if i was stuck in a timeloop -isa asking if sif drank a tonic… huh? OH IS IT BC i'm not encountering the saddnesses… uh oh. sif so fast and elegant -hmmm it would kill you dead to use timecraft…. so whats keeping sif in the loop… -odile won heads or tails again -i keep making odile suspicious of me help, i'm trying to see new dialogue -bonbon i would let you explode every kitchen -wait. no ghost on the second floor ? is it random chance??? -attacking the door seems scary to isa… -some crafts have a distinct smell? ooo????? -rock craft smells like wet rocks, paper like wood or leaves, scissors like scissors, and time craft is sugar ? -sif feels happy that they're in the loop ? -oh change god talking to bitches real?? huh! -HELP LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER. they can just do that with their mouth??? -i love the your little emotes please keep talking forever -change god don't give a shart -i also love the stupid ugly face… so cutes…. -BEAMS YOU AWAY W MY LASER -even the change god knows sif doesn't have a middle or last name -loop is sif's sponsor buddy???? -change god enjoying siffrin suffering and changing -she didn't say they were allies at best this loop that's true! sif just oopsied so hard lol -they're family… awhhhh so cutes -AWHHHH ruffling his hair -OMG the save menu text changed too… your family members' -oh my god so sweet… combing his hair :-) -sif stops smiling every time they aren't looking… -the universe helped the king? he wished for it…. -an article about the king… head housemaiden's office or some shit fuckkk -siffrin can never go back home… -oh no… everyone sees something is wrong now with the head housemaiden loop back part… no… -can't shift his expression fast enough. he's a deer in headlights

loop 20 - -oh siffrin is not fine -loop is not a star… uh huh…. "more like a mirror" huh -loop in disbelief that we saw the change god? -talking to the head housemaiden is something that keeps you from advancing somehow hmm… -what goal is impossible though… everyone seems happy? -I GET TO HANG OUT WITH LOOP? YES. "i'm lonely!" -loop stop being so judgemental siffrin is literally bad memory georg of course he needs the coin to remember -"do you think i'm supposed to be here?!" uh oh, oh loop is stuck here huh. lied just so siffrin wouldn't question it. no home to go back to. -i think the only person who could understand is siffrin… -ok so loop's event might take up the rest of the day like isa's? ig i can do the rest and skip him for now ? -HELP DID I VISIT LOOP TOO MANY TIMES IN A LOOP? HELP -ahhhhh secret tutorial is just for the showing loop items thing i already know about bc i tried it instantly with the star leaf -spend a loop with loop… lol -loop knew siffrin before they even met… yeah checks out. they know so much. "kind of" ? i don't believe you, fucker. -LOL i did think loop was trapping sif here. but i'm not sure anymore -loop knows how it feels to be stuck somewhere with no hope of escape… were they in a timeloop too? -both siffrin and loop said "i'd rather not" when asked to tell more about themself…. hmmmmmmm… -HOLY SHIT. that's so bright… the king's attack???? -SIF just drew their weapon on loop? omg? -wait that's true… sif just looped back… bc they realized their friends died… it's not losing… of course its not it would happen automatically when you're "softlocked" -it must have something to do with their friends? but what? they all seemed happy in the end? it's just siffrin who's missing in that regard then, they don't have an "ending" i guess? i guess if it did actually end after the king, everyone goes home and siffrin will just just, keeps traveling, without them, alone. huh. and the loop knows this somehow? someway? -and we just established siffrin controls it somewhat… so then, it's siffrin? siffrin needs to not be sad? siffrin needs a happy ending? -hmm i guess it was also established that it IS what siffrin wants, they did wish for it didn't they? i picked the mirabelle option at the start, but i don't remember exactly what it was, to keep traveling with them? -ok so i need more info on the king, and i guess i just ? do the friend events again. and climb the whole house, again. the 20 hour runtime of isat is not looking good with my 27 hour file gang. -hm i guess while i'm here i can figure out what's going on with the ghosts! -sif purposefully tripped on a rock… to not seem really powerful -bonbon you don't know what stars are? -FUCK I HAVE TO GO INTO THE STAR ROOM ON PURPOSE…. its fine. its fine. i don't need the extra skills its fine. we're so fine . i guess i might as well figure out where the second ghost spawns, and i won't get to do the third again. -odile won heads or tails again, i think this is a given i can stop writing it down -odile thinking about time craft… looking at sif… did this happen last time it might have…? maybe i shouldn't skip interacting with the time craft book again.

[montanamp3]

alright. you dug up my old rambly post that i'm actually so proud of. tell me more about what you appreciate about judith!! or james. idk

I remembered how, when you took the bracelet off me four months ago, I felt as though a fog had been lifted from my brain. I could think again. I’ve only been half-alive since I was fourteen. You have not just made me think that I loved you, you have subsumed my will over and over until I no longer know who I am. Do you even understand what it is that you’ve done?

i completely forgot about this but now that i've finished chot and i have james on the brain™ i can finally answer this!!

honestly like 50% of it is that i love a malewife who shoots things and gets tied up— [EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER] but the other 50% of it is that he's pretty much literally me... nine by sleeping at last boy / doesn't want to make his parents worry about him boy / boy who feels like a shadow in his own life / boy with a fog in his brain / boy whose best friend has been suffering and he hasn't even recognised it etc etc etc

a part of it is also like the james & grace relationship (?) ... the masks / the self-isolation / the loss of agency / how they're both valued for their bodies over everything else. they're super toxic but in a really narratively sexy way. sorry i just love a dude with a storyline about not being in control of their own life

to be more specific to chain of thorns in particular i REALLY REALLY loved the james/matthew relationship in this one. actually coming out of cot i think matthew might be my main guy for relatability considering the absolute brain altering craziness that was chain of thorns matthew (cough cough jamie make it stop 😭😭) but this post is not about him so here are a bunch of my fav James Moments which honestly are just him being a malewife

[boffeeceans]

I finished flight of icarus last night, and I like it, I really do, but uh... [EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]

My biggest complaints aren't even about the new characters, I liked both Ronnie and Paige and Eddie's dad, too. I'm not mad about Eddie's characterization, it fine fine, good even. What I'm most upset about and kept throwing me off are the inconsistencies with canon: making Jeff the bassist when we see him playing guitar in the show, Tommy Hayes instead of Hagan, and most of all, having Eddie move in with Wayne in "84 instead of sometime before November of '83 making Eddie's room in the upside down the way it is in ST4 impossible.

Okay, so, characters.

The romance with Paige was... something. Didn't hate it. Didn't love it. It felt insignificant and the book could've done without it. Overall she's an okay character and did really care for Eddie and wanted to get him that deal unlike some people thought. Their breakup was something else entirely, it's unresolved and I don't like that. She bailed him out and they'll probably never talk again but it's whatever.

I liked Ronnie quite a lot, I've already said how she's similar to an OC I've made and that might have something to with it but Idc. Her relationship with Eddie throughout the book is fun and I enjoyed every interaction between them, but it kinda blows up at some point and then they make up and it just... ends. It's goodbye, she's going off to NYU and Eddie's staying in Hawkins. I wonder if they still had contact after that, if they were still friends during ST4 or if that was really just it.

Eddie's dad is probably my favorite new character, I like his personality, he's funny and charming and a lot like how I imagined him to be, not completely though. At the end, it's revealed that he's been using Eddie all along and then leaves him behind. He's not the way I would've written him, but it was interesting to read.

Love Rick too, Rick was great.

Now Eddie, I feel like he should have cried at least once, like when he was having his speech in front of the trailer or maybe in the jail cell, he just lost everything, his band, hellfire, his best friend, his dad, his house, his mom's records, his maybe record deal, his girlfriend, and he dropped out of school. He has nothing. And sure, some of these things are resolved by end of the book, but he didn't know that yet. I just really feel like he should've cried, let it sink in just how deep in shit he is. I mean, the guy started down the barrel of a gun multiple times...

I'm not taking this book as canon, I've already made up a backstory for Eddie in my head, I'm sticking with that and I encourage you to do the same. Just go [EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER] and move on, write your little fics and have your headcanons. We already pretend Eddie didn't die, we can pretend this book doesn't exist.

[smolgirlowo]

semi-live blogging riverdale with my friends [S7xE3]

'she claims that the milk man killed her parents' god we are so back

alice and hal fighting about adopting the girl who's parent's just died, normal husband and wife behaviour

oh shit new establishing shot for blossom manor

'mother i am far too busy for boys' 'doing what? painting naked ladies?' 'MOTHER!' *walks away*, love how gay cheryl just is. she is also eating a vagina shaped fruit in this scene.

get dumped ronnie. archie can do better than you

'pta approved sexual reproduction lecture' yeah that's what I want after i witness a murder

i fucking hate julian man. unfortunate for him that archie doesn't know what sex is

'i had a feeling it might razz your berries' i hate the 1950s

playing 'i wish i didn't love you so' over a scene of two gay men flirting, iconic

cheryl can't even pretend to be interested in archie.

MEAT GRINDER MOMENT

'i was mad at my parents for not letting me see The Tingler' [INCREADIBLY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]. thought you could put a 1959 reference in 1955 and get it past me, writers? probably, but not this one.

black character: 'a very clear and direct poem about america being racist' white character: 'it's art, it doesn't have to mean anything.' god really hope these kids aren't on a divine mission to solve racism cause the don't see very qualified to do it

HOLY SHIT DOES CHERYL WANT TO FUCK TONI SO BAD

oh no cheryl don't try kissing a boy it won't make you straight, oh god no she's crying

CHAPTER 6: AROUSAL

BETTY IN THE FUCK DIMENSION. EVERYONE IN THE FUCK DIMENSION.

"what the fuck, what am I watching?" "METAPHOR" love my friends

WHY IS CHERYL IN THE BACKGROUND OF VERONICA'S SEX DREAM???

"it's art, betty, it doesn't have to make sense."

kevin has almost learned what racism is, betty is horny beyond belief. glad to see they both had productive nights

"this show is so fucking nothing. it's everything. it's poetry in motion."

me when teaching sex ed with the common American flower.

I am a 6 on the Kingsley scale, apparently.

'i am going to host a make-out party' 'what's that, an orgy' gay men cannot be trusted with language

STOP WITH THE FLOWERS AND BEES METAPHORS

'you wanna have gay sex?' 'i have a boyfriend!' *leaves* I love cheryl so much

iconic jughead behaviour: 'you are an odd duck jughead, aren't you? a loner.' 'I'M NOT WEIRD! I'M NOT A WEIRDO! I'M GOING TO A MAKE-OUT PARTY!'

boner music. boner music. love the boner music.

'hey betty, you know that um... sex book.' i don't think the writers know what the kinsey reports are.

betty and archie already doing role play on date -1

ARCHIE GOT A BONER!!!! BONER CANNON!!!

FANGS DON'T YOU DARE KISS CHERYL! THAT'S YOUR BEST FRIENDS/ex-wife in another timeline's SOUL MATE!

kevin does not know what a kiss is. JUG KISS, JUG DOING A KISS! BUGHEAD MOMENT! THEY HAVEN'T MET BEFORE???

'i think i got you're gum' 'keep it' i would never talk to ronnie every again.

TONI DON'T YOU DARE KISS JULIAN! THAT'S YOUR SOUL MATES TWIN BROTHER! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU MAKE A GIRL JEALOUS!

jughead and veronica moment! they do not know how to speak to each other! it's adorable.

>we have started talking about the tickle porn arc, it has nothing to do with what's going beyond the fact that we are insane and the show is insane<

oh shit ronnie and jughead? are we setting up ronnie and jughead for some reason? they have the same favourite horror movie, how cute.

kevin is scared to even touch a girl, i love him so much.

'you're not excited' *looks at flaccid dick*. god, kevin, stop trying to pretend you're straight, you're really bad at it.

oh god cheryl. OH GOD. oh god, you are much better at faking being straight.

"archie got hot" "archie got hot" "archie got hot"

jesus cheryl. I can't even tell if you're torturing your mom or if you actually had sex with archie.

oh no, betty gave kevin the guide to human sexuality. oh no he's going to learn he's gay. I mean good for him, but i'm so sorry betty.

more ronnie and jughead setup? OH NO, jughead is going to jail for murder.

[fruitcoops]

I was watching this video w Megan Rapinoe & Sue Bird (tumblr won’t let me link but it’s from 2 days ago on GQ- they ask each other questions but it’s like quiz style?) and didn’t know if you would want to do something similar for coops? Some of the stuff they said/how they acted reminded me of coops’ dynamic

Anon, this video was the perfect way to spend an evening. Both these women are my role models and they’re unbelievably cute together--go check out the video here if you have the chance! Their dynamic is a lot like how I imagine Coops, too! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

“Hey, Lions, we’re back!” Sirius waved at the camera and tapped a short stack on notecards on his thighs. “I’m Captain Sirius Black of the Gryffindor Lions and I’m here with my fiancé, Remus Lupin, to do another couple game.”

“The response to our last few interviews was incredible and we had a great time,��� Remus continued. “Miss Marlene McKinnon was kind enough to drag us back in here to answer even more questions!”

“Do you want to go first?”

“Sure.” Remus cleared his throat and pulled the first card. “What are my parents’ first names?”

“Hope and Lyall.”

“Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. What’s my hidden talent?”

“You can sing.”

“Does that count? I feel like most people know that now.”

“Hmm.” Sirius thought for a moment, drumming his fingers on his knees. “You can cook really well.”

“Thank you, baby. What’s my favorite accessory?”

Sirius brightened. “Your watch!”

“Yes!” Remus held it up to the camera—it was simple and elegant, with a leather band and a small face. He wore it with the clock against the inside of his wrist, just above his pulse point. “What is my dream travel destination or vacation?”

“Oh, that’s tough.” Sirius bit his lip in thought. “Seattle? Paris?”

“I do want to go to Seattle, but I’ve always wanted to go to Montreal,” Remus said. “You’ve seen my hometown, but I’ve never been to yours.”

Sirius frowned. “Really?”

“Really. What am I most afraid of?”

“I think…I think you’re most afraid of not being useful,” Sirius said after a moment. “For six years, your job was all about helping people, and it’s not now.”

Remus raised his eyebrows at the camera. “I was going to say the dentist’s office. Goddamn.”

“Sorry,” Sirius laughed. “Yeah, you don’t like medical facilities.”

“I mean, you weren’t wrong about the useful thing,” Remus said. “You still get a point for that. What’s my favorite music, song, or artist to listen to before a game?”

“You don’t have one.”

“That was quick. Half a bonus point for speed. When was our first date and what did we do?”

“Our first official date was just after All-Stars and we went to Sid’s, but we had been together for about three months at that point and just hung out at each other’s houses.”

Remus grinned. “Do you remember what day it was?”

“January 28th.” Sirius gave him a look. “I know for a fact you don’t know what day it was.”

“January 28th.”

“You only know that because I just said it!” Sirius smacked him playfully with his cards. “Next question.”

“What’s my favorite movie and TV show?”

“Jurassic Park and Avatar: The Last Airbender.”

He whistled the first part of the theme song as Sirius did the hand motions. “What’s my shoe size?”

“Oh, god,” Sirius muttered, staring down at the floor. “Eleven? Eleven and a half? You have smaller feet than I do, but not by much.”

“I’m a size ten.”

“Are you really?”

Remus pulled one sneaker off and handed it to him with a laugh. “Check for yourself. Oh, I’d love to know the answer to this one. How do you know when I’m mad at you?”

Sirius tossed his shoe back with a snort. “You make faces.”

Remus seemed surprised. “Do I?”

“Yeah. You’ve got a very expressive face and the second you’re pissed, it’s written all over it. It’s like—” Sirius pursed his lips and scrunched his nose slightly. “I can’t really do it, but anytime I see that I’m like, ‘oh, shit, what did I do?’ Also, you stop calling me baby.”

“That’s what I was going to say. What’s my favorite city to play in?”

“Not Florida.”

“Not fucking Florida,” Remus agreed with a grin.

“Gryffindor for sure.”

“Where was I born?” He gave Sirius a teasing look. “Do you know this time, or should I get my mom on the line?”

Sirius stuck his tongue out. “Madison, Wisconsin.”

Remus glanced at the camera. “We got asked this question in an interview a few months ago and he had to call my mom afterward because he forgot.”

“She made fun of me the whole time,” Sirius pouted.

“What is my favorite food? Oh, you’ll get this one for sure.” Sirius hesitated and Remus’ eyes widened. “Really?”

“I’m a little torn. It’s either my grilled cheese or your dad’s turkey-cranberry thing. Actually, I don’t think you know what your favorite food is.”

Remus nodded slowly. “That’s a really good point. My first thought was grilled cheese, but my dad makes the best postgame sandwiches. I’ll give you that. What’s my favorite hobby?”

“Reading.”

“What did I want to be when I was a kid?”

“A librarian, until you started playing hockey.”

Remus leaned over and high-fived him. “You’re on a roll, baby. What was my jersey number in college?”

“Number six.”

“The transition was so fucking easy,” Remus laughed. “Coach literally came up to me a month before practices started and went ‘hey, what was your old number?’ and I told him, and he looked down at his clipboard and went, ‘cool.’. I got my jersey two weeks later.”

“Is this your last question?”

“It is, indeed. What’s my full birth name?”

“Remus Jehosephat Lupin.”

“That is incorrect.”

“Close enough. It’s Remus John Lupin, which I find endlessly funny.”

“Why is it funny?” Marlene asked off-screen. Remus hid his face behind his notecards as Sirius laughed.

“Because it’s such a basic middle name! I love Hope and Lyall with my entire heart and they’re wonderful people, but they named their sons Remus and Julian and then I think they got stuck. Like, you’ve got these two very uncommon first names and they sort of went ‘fuck it. John and Michael. We’re done.’ It’s just so funny.”

“Whereas your parents went the extra mile and gave you and Reg goddamn supervillain names,” Remus snorted. “The drama of it all, my god.”

“Alright, alright, my turn.” Sirius leaned his elbows on his knees. “What is my favorite color?”

“Blue.”

“How do I like my coffee?”

Remus hissed between his teeth. “Ah, shit, you always make the coffee. With a lot of sugar, right? It’s black with sugar?”

“It can’t be black if it has sugar in it,” Sirius laughed. “But yes, I do put sugar in my coffee. What are three things I never leave the house without?”

“Keys, wallet, phone.”

“My favorite TV show?”

“Why are you going through these so fast? Uh, Avatar.”

“Did I ever have a job that wasn’t playing hockey?”

“Nope.” Remus frowned. “Were you allowed to get a job as a kid?”

“I was not. What’s my favorite ice cream flavor?”

“Cookies and cream.”

Sirius made a buzzer noise. “Incorrect.”

“Is it chocolate?”

“Yep. You get half a point for that. What’s the first meal I ever cooked for you?”

Remus gave him a look. “You don’t remember what you cooked for me, do you?”

“Refresh my memory?”

“No way!” He punched him lightly on the arm. “I’m not falling for my own tricks. Next question.”

“It’s kind of a repeat from earlier. How do you know when I’m mad at you?”

Remus fiddled with the edges of his cards. “You act all weird and Captain-y, and then you get quiet. Just cranky vibes all around.”

“Cranky vibes,” Sirius laughed. “Good to know. What are my favorite movie-watching snacks?”

“Popcorn and…Sweet Tarts?”

“Yes!” Sirius gave him a high-five. “Do you know what I like on my popcorn?”

“Butter and enough salt to kill a Victorian child.”

“Bonus point! What is—oh, shit!” He nearly fumbled the cards onto the floor. “What is my favorite movie of all time?”

“Indiana Jones.”

“Which one?”

“The one with Marian, because she reminds you of me.” Remus looked over at the camera. “I really don’t like snakes.”

“What is the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning?”

“Oh, I think this requires a demonstration. C’mere.”

“Does it really?” Sirius sighed as he laid down next to him.

“For sure.” Remus cuddled into his side and laid his head on his shoulder. “Alright, the key to a true Sirius Black wake-up is getting all four limbs wrapped around the other person like you’re trying to suffocate them with affection.”

“Okay—”

“And then,” Remus continued with a grin. “I go, ‘honey, wake up’—”

“You absolutely do not.”

“In my head, that’s what I say. It’s very sweet. To answer the question, the first thing Sirius does is this.” He buried his face in Sirius’ chest and groaned loudly, then dissolved into snickering as Sirius’ chest began to shake with suppressed laughter. “Stop it, you’re ruining the demonstration!”

“You forgot the part where I have to peel you off me with pliers and grease,” Sirius teased as they stood up, dusting themselves off. The camera crew applauded and they both bowed. “Alright, where were we? What am I most scared of?”

“Losing your friends and family,” Remus said. “Also, spiders and most bugs.”

“You forgot one.”

“Which one? The dish soap bubbles?”

“Losing you.”

A vibrant blush tinted Remus’ cheeks and ears, and he floundered for words. “Oh.”

“You still get the points, though,” Sirius said mildly. “What city do I like playing in the most?”

Remus paused for a moment longer, then shook his head to clear his thoughts. “Uh, Gryffindor. You like the crowd.”

“I do.” Sirius smiled at the camera. “To all the fans out there: you are incredible and there is nothing like skating out with everybody roaring so loud the windows shake. Who is my biggest hockey influence?”

“Now, or when you were younger?”

“Now.”

“It’s Dumo, right?”

Sirius nodded. “On and off the ice. What’s my proudest career moment?”

“Hmm, I wonder,” Remus said sarcastically. “Could it possibly be winning the Stanley Cup?”

“Just maybe,” Sirius laughed. “What’s my most famous celly, and which one’s my favorite?”

Remus grinned. “Lightning McQueen.”

“I hate it when you call it that.” Despite his words, Sirius was smiling. “It’s supposed to be cool!”

“Can you elaborate?” Marlene asked.

“I mean, most people who have seen him play know what I’m talking about,” Remus said, gesturing to the camera. “But Sirius’ famous celly is a double fist pump, and I call it the Lightning McQueen because it’s like ka-chow! It’s also his favorite one, though he dances when we’re skating alone or with a couple of the guys.”

“Shhh, they aren’t supposed to know that!” Sirius covered Remus’ mouth with his notecard. “This is the very last one. What is my biggest pet peeve?”

“When I leave my socks laying around the house.”

“Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! That drives me fucking bonkers. Marley, who won?”

“It wasn’t a competition,” she said off-screen. “Just a Q & A.”

“Who got the most right?” Remus asked.

“You two are hopeless,” she muttered. There were a few beats of silence. “Remus won, with sixteen and a half out of seventeen. Sirius, you had fifteen and a half.”

“No.” Sirius groaned and dropped his head into his hands as Remus whooped.

“Hell yes!”

“My bonus points let you win.” He shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe this.”

Remus faced the camera with a victorious smile. “Thanks for joining us to witness my landslide victory—”

“It was one point.”

“And make sure to like and subscribe for more Lion Pride content! See you around, Lions.” They both mock-saluted, and the video ended.

[sambergscott]

i’m gomez you’re morticia i feel so happy when i’m witcha (the addams family wedding rap origin story)

written for @outofinspo for the @b99fandomevents Fall 2019 Fic Exchange. you gave me the prompt of a couple’s halloween costume and this is not... quite that but still i hope you enjoy :)

also shoutout to @amyscascadingtabs for helping me!! 

(set a few months after Amy joins the nine-nine)

Jake prides himself on being the self-confessed best detective in the Nine-Nine. His arrest numbers are off the charts. He holds the precinct record for quickest time to get a signed confession out of someone. And just last week he beat Rosa at an intense final showdown of rollerchair derby. Yet for some reason he can’t figure out what Santiago is planning on wearing to Boyle’s Halloween party.

T-minus two hours to go and it’s driving him a little crazy.

“Sexy librarian?” He guesses, scrolling through a Google Image search of ladies Halloween costumes. “Sexy superhero? Sexy zombie cheerleader?”

She rolls her eyes. “Not every Halloween costume has to be sexy, Peralta.”

“The good ones do,” he says with a wink.

“Gross.” She throws her pen at him.

“I guess your costume is just gonna be super lame, Santiago,” he goads, knowing it will get a reaction out of her. She’s so competitive, it’s practically in her DNA to rise to a challenge.

“Your costume will be the costume that is lame,” she fires back. So predictable. And so adorable.

“Sick burn,” he teases. “Anyway my costume is dope.”

“Are you going as yourself? Because that’s terrifying.”

“Ha-ha,” he deadpans, throwing back her pen. He misses her head by a inch. “I’ll have you know, detective, I’m going as a super awesome movie character that you’ll never be able to guess-.”

Right off of the bat, she says John McClane.

Which, to be fair, is a pretty good shout. He has mentioned John McClane being his hero pretty much every day since the day they met. But, alas, he went as John McClane last year. And Jake Peralta is no outfit repeater. Not on Halloween. 

“007?”

“Nope.” He grins. “Last guess.”

She drums her fingers on her desk and bites her lip as she flicks through a mental rolodex of iconic movie characters. It’s kind of distracting how hot she looks biting her lip like that and he’s totally not listening when she speaks again. She rounds their desks and has to wave her hand directly in front of his face to snap him out of it.

“Sorry.” He blushes wildly. He’s been having a lot of those thoughts lately. About how pretty her hair looks when she wears it down. About how good she looks when she wears semi-decent clothes to Shaw’s instead of her usual grey pantsuits. About how much he loves making her laugh. Sometimes he thinks he’s developing a crush on her but then he remembers she’s his annoying, nerdy partner and thoroughly quashes any thoughts of liking her romantic-stylez. “What were you saying?”

“Superman,” she responds. “My final guess is Superman.”

He makes a loud buzzer noise. “While I am thrilled that you think I could save the planet, detective, you are incorrect. Again. I thought you were supposed to be the smart out of the two of us!”

“I am smart.”

“Not smart enough,” he retorts. “Clearly.”

“Hey, it’s hard! You like a lot of movies! And, besides, you’ve been guessing all morning and you’ve still yet to get mine.” She smiles smugly, folding her arms across her chest.

“OK,” he responds, rubbing his hands together eagerly. “Gimme another clue.”

“I am also going as a movie character.”

“Holly Gennaro!” He guesses immediately.

She rolls her eyes. “No. Stop being so obsessed with Die Hard.”

“I’m not obsessed with Die Hard, I just know all the words and have seen all of them a thousand times.”

“Sounds pretty obsessed to me,” she nudges his shoulder. “Die Hard’s not the only movie out there, you know. There are other movies. Better movies.”

He gasps and recoils like Scully when he poured hot coffee all over himself. “Take that back! Die Hard is the greatest movie of all time!”

“Wrong. Ignorant and wrong. The Lion King’s a great movie.”

“Never seen it.” He shrugs.

“You’ve never seen The Lion King? But it’s a classic. We watched it all the time when I was a kid.”

“I was alone a lot,” he explains, “single mom who worked, absentee father. I just watched sports and Die Hard.”

“Oh,” she whispers, making this sad, frowny face. “Wanna watch it together some time?”

“Uh, ye, yeah,” he stutters, a little taken aback at the invitation. He thought she found him childish and annoying.

“I still think you’re annoying,” she says as she returns to her desk, like she can read his mind.

“Ditto,” he grins.

++

He’s the first one to arrive.

While he normally insists on showing up at crime scenes/morning briefings/family events fashionably late, this time Boyle specifically asked him to come early and it’s his duty as The Best Friend™️ to resolve all Rosa-is-coming-to-his-party-related meltdowns.

“Smell my breath,” Boyle demands, getting real close.

“OK. Personal space, Charles. We talked about this, remember?”

“Of course,” he nods, taking a few steps back. “I just don’t want Rosa to think I have bad breath when we make out.”

Jake grimaces, relieved when there’s a knock at the door. “I’ll get it,” he excuses himself before Boyle sticks his mouth in front of his face again.

He opens the door and stares at the other early bird in silence.

It’s Amy. Of course it’s Amy. She’s always early. Even after drinks at Shaw’s, hungover, she’ll get to work forty-five minutes before she has to. It’s not surprising that she’s early, it’s what she’s wearing that has him speechless.

In a long black dress with a long black wig, she is unmistakably Morticia Addams. Not as iconic as Holly Gennaro, he has to admit, but still. She’s rocking it.

The only issue?

He’s dressed as Gomez, the patriarch of the Addams family, Morticia’s husband.

They’re matching.

They’re wearing matching Halloween costumes!

Amy blushes beneath her heavy make-up. “Um. Nice suit.”

“Nice dress,” he responds, equally flustered.

“This is weird, right?” They say at the exact same time before dissolving into giggles.

Jake scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “I guess we’ve been spending a lot of time together the last few months. I must have telepathically given you the idea.”

“Unless I thought of it first.” She raises one eyebrow, challenging him. Before he can come up with response, Boyle appears behind them, incredibly excited about their accidental costume situation.

“It’s nothing,” Jake brushes it off.

“Yeah,” Amy agrees, still standing in the doorway. “The Addams Family are just popular Halloween costumes. That’s all.”

“It definitely means something,” he insinuates in his super high-pitched, annoying insinuating voice. “It means that you’re soulmates.”

Jake rolls his eyes. First the wedding bells comment on Amy’s first day, then the constant questions about whether she’s seeing anyone, now this. He gets that his best friend is just trying to be a good wingman or whatever but it’s A Lot. Even if he did like Amy, nothing would ever happen because she’s obviously uncomfortable about the whole thing. She is the most professional person he’s ever met and would never do anything to jeopardise her integrity at work, especially not something as scandalous as a workplace romance!

Not that anything would ever happen anyway. They’re just friends. Co-workers. Portners. He doesn’t even like her in a romantical way.

Sometimes, for example later in the evening when she steals his last slice of pizza, he doesn’t like her at all.

But then he tells a dumb joke and she’s the only one in Charles’ ex-wife’s, new boyfriend’s basement who laughs and he thinks that maybe Charles is right. Maybe he does have a crush on her. A little one. Tiny.

Not that it matters anyway. Someone like Amy would never date someone like him. They’re just too different. He’s the Gomez to her Morticia, the Detective Peralta to her Detective Santiago, and that’s all it’s ever going to be.

(Eight years later, it’s only fitting that they end their wedding day with him performing his Addams Family themed wedding vows rap in just his boxers. There’s no beat boxer and he’s horribly out of time and he’s forgotten most of the lyrics, but it’s perfect. And Charles was right after all -- they are soulmates, just like Gomez and Morticia).