#'from the moment i knew of you ive never been able to ignore you for even a second'

[manicpixiefelix]

head, heart, hand. {Felix Catton/Reader/Oliver Quick}

Part 7.

Summary: A chance to look through Oliver Quick's eyes as he watches through windows, decides he wants to be loved, and finally takes a chance with the reader. Until it comes crashing down because Michael Gavey called Felix a slag, and it's made Oliver's problem.

{ masterpost }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.

Warnings: SMUT (we see reader topping felix from last chapter but through oliver's perspective, cockwarming, vague somnophilia because of that i guess??, reader getting head and reader giving head but reader's AGAB is not specified), also some vaguely unsettling imagery i guess, and the scene in felix's room with the cleaning is made even more tense and uncomfortable

A/N: 7084 words. POV shift to Oliver! Also this chapter is FUCKING HUGE, i tried to find a good place to maybe split it, but couldn't find one. so you're stuck with 7k, eat up friends! also i would really appreciate if anyone has any thoughts about how i've written oliver, id love to hear them, i don't want him to 100% like the reader, and i think ive managed to have him come across more uh, cerebral i guess im going with? yeah thoughts good, would love some. holy shit this chapter goes so many places.

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

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Y/N's been rambling on about reading Anna Karenina for one of their classes ever since they'd met Oliver after his final class for the day, but he's barely able to focus on their words. Usually he likes to look like he's paying attention to their words, he knows it makes him seem attentive, and everybody loves to feel heard, but Oliver's mind is elsewhere. It's in the garden outside of Y/N's window. It's outside their door where he'd sat patiently, giving blithe smiles to your dormmates and telling them he was simply waiting for you to get dressed. The doors of the Oxford dormitories were thick, but not thick enough to hide sound on the other side from an ear pressed up against them when the hallway was empty.

It's not even close to the first time he'd seen you in these moments together; how no-one else in your group of friends, apart from Farleigh he suspected, believed you two were sleeping together was baffling. Wilful ignorance is a hell of a drug. He hopes the two of you never learn how to close your blinds.

But there was something different about yesterday.

"Any of youse seen Felix? Or Y/N?" He'd approached the group on the grass with the same kind of hesitancy he'd always put on for them, never wanting to seem too arrogant, to comfortable in their presence. He knew they didn't like him, but people like this liked feeling powerful over the 'lesser folk'. Anyways, it's not like he was particularly keen on befriending any of them, it was okay to hold them at arm's length.

Farleigh, beautiful, condescending Farleigh, looked up at him through his lashes; there was no sun in his eyes, the squint was more likely to be him half-pulling a face of contempt with plausible deniability.

"Maybe." Unhelpful.

"Y/N came through here like a fucking hurricane," Annabel told him; Oliver could only think of the irritating nasal in her voice as she'd listed off all the things she hadn't liked about him to Felix when they hadn't known he was around. Oliver fought not to make a face of his own.

"Took Felix and headed that way," a blonde boy -Rex? Reg? Oliver hadn't even bothered to retain his name - nods in the direction of the dorms.

"They're so co-dependent sometimes," India shakes her head, strange little expression on her face. Perhaps she did know and was trying to convince herself otherwise.

"Yeah," laughed Annabel, "they could have at least tried meditating or something."

"I don't know," Farleigh shook his head, clicking his tongue, "I don't think they have any other coping mechanisms apart from their co-dependant shit."

"They've always been like this?" India actually sounds a little fond.

"It actually used to be worse," Farleigh snorted, and Annabel pitched herself back in the grass, claiming that it couldn't be true.

"I mean, with that kind of money I think Felix is allowed to be weirdly close to his cousin," India says with a shrug. What? Why was the group laughing like it was an in-joke.

"They're cousins?" Oliver asks; Farleigh he knew about, but no-one had ever really talked about how Felix and Y/N had gotten so close. Considering all he'd seen them do together -

"Kissing, codependent cousins," Annabel sighs, sitting up.

"Hot, kissing, codependent cousins," India wraps an arm around her in solidarity, and the girls share an exasperated chuckle, though from looking around it seemed that a lot of the group shared that sentiment.

"You're hot too, Farleigh -"

"Thanks, but I'll stick with just that for now, I'm happy being the non-kissing, non-codependent cousin," he chuckled, before turning his attention back to Oliver, still awkwardly by the edge of the group as everyone else continued to gossip. However, catching Farleigh's eye, for the barest moment, his wolfish grin, Oliver had total and complete confirmation that Felix and Y/N were in no way actually related.

Which, if he were to guess, meant that Farleigh definitely knew the two of you were sleeping together.

And judging from all the times Oliver had spoken to you both, neither of you were aware of this well established gossip in the group, Farleigh was never ever going to correct anyone, considering how damn funny he clearly thought the entire bit was. It at least explained how the rest of the group was so unphased by the closeness you and Felix shared, while still apparently - kind of - dating other people.

Eventually, tired of putting up his awkward façade, though he was grateful for the slim amount of information he'd learned, he clears his throat.

"So -"

"That way," Farleigh doesn't look at him this time, voice flat, thumb jerking towards Y/N's dorm.

Its the afternoon, grey, most people are at classes, so the courtyard outside of your dorm room is empty of any other living souls. Whenever he stops in, or even walks past, he checks in your window out of habit to see if you're in; you don't close your blinds often so it's an easy way to tell. Anyone passing by wouldn't be able to see anything, not unless they stopped and made an effort, but Oliver wasn't most people, and knew the layout of your room and how to search it when granted even a sliver to look through like today.

And today, not only are you in your dorm with Felix, as predicted, but the sight of you both makes his mouth go dry.

Felix Catton on his back, arching, perfect mouth open in some kind of wanton, whorish noise undoubtedly as you masterfully worked his cock with your hand. Fuck, Oliver knows he shouldn't be here, shouldn't be watching this.

He steps forward into the bushes. They rustle, his heart jumps, but neither of you seem to notice.

He can't see your face with your back to him like this, but you must be saying something, because Felix's lips are moving and his chest is heaving as he's gasping out words. Oliver knows he's embarrassing flush, embarrassingly hard in these fucking slacks, but the courtyard is still empty, and he knows all too well how little the outside world matters to you and Felix in these moments.

He can feel his heart beating in his throat, in his ears, painfully against his ribs as you slide one leg so smoothly over Felix's hips, hand between your own thighs as you hover yourself above him. You're toying with Felix, taking your time, taking full and total control in a way Oliver's never seen you do. He didn't know anyone could make Felix act like this, look like this; he never thought Felix would let anyone. But he shouldn't be surprised that it's you of all people.

When you lean down over Felix, your chest against his, like a proud lion over its prey, Oliver feels sick with himself, with how he wants to burn this fucking image into his brain, with how fucking perfectly he can watch from here as you take the entire length of Felix's cock. Its impressive, both his length, and how fucking easy you make it look. You're kissing him. You're fucking him. You're riding this Adonis in a way that makes him pliant and desperate beneath you.

Oliver steps back from the window, finally glancing around to double check his surroundings. No-one peeking out of windows, no-one around. He heads inside. He knows he shouldn't but he does, pulls out the sweater he'd loaned from Felix and folds it in his lap when he sits with his back against your door, both as an excuse should anyone walk past, and to hide the visible hardness in his pants.

Sometimes you're too quiet to hear, but the way the bed creaks and the two of you moan, it's some kind of debauched symphony. Oliver swears he's not a masochist, but it almost hurts to hear you both like this, like something out of a dream or a fantasy, and to remain stone-faced at your bedroom door -

"I want everyone else you ever fuck to be jealous of the way you let me fuck you."

Oliver can't even begin to imagine the things this means, the things you want to do to Felix, but then he hears -

"Yes, fuck, yes- my Y/N, anything you want - please." Felix gasping, begging like Oliver's never heard before. Sounds he knows only you could have elicited from the man who makes people around him fall in love with him by accident.

Oliver Quick is never going to get these moments out of his head; he's never been so desperate to be wanted by anyone in his life, let alone two people. There is a shameless, lascivious kind of love between you both that he vows to get the chance to drink from the source.

It's again changed his perception of you, perhaps made him a little bolder once more. So the day after, walking to the pub after class, barely listening to you talk about your book, he's trying to see if anything's changed. As far as he was aware, your encounter with Felix the day before was unusual for you. Perhaps something's changed, and perhaps he's not subtle about looking.

It's something unspoken between you, it ebbs and flows depending on Oliver's mood, how bold he's feeling. A quiet, voyeuristic exchange you share, the pleasure of being watched, and the pleasure of watching. The roles reverse and your eyes are on him in the way eyes rarely are.

More the observant than the observed, he'd told you, yet he took pleasure in feeling your gaze upon him, taking the time that he knows is so precious to you to watch him. You are familiar to him in a way that is so foreign; you are watching and adapting and anticipating the desires around you. Not action, but reaction; a people-pleaser down to your bones, wrapped up Felix's brand of hedonism. You get off making people feel loved, but Oliver can't help but wonder about the desire you keep to yourself, just below the surface.

Neither of you have spoken about the night at the club; Oliver's desperate to see how long it will take you before you act, rather than get pushed into reacting. He doesn't know how long he can last.

Felix shows up to the pub with Annabel and a strained smile that doesn't reach his eyes. Which is better than Annabel's outright scowl. They sit in chairs across from the rounded bench that always took up half the table your group liked to tension filling the ample space between them. As the last to arrive, everyone else's attention was drawn to them, going quiet as everyone picked up the couple's sour mood.

There's a moment where Oliver catches the way Felix looks at you across the table. No-one else picks up on it, since in the next moment Felix raises his hands to cover a cough, and what Oliver suspects is a grin, but you've turned your head sharply, sniffing loudly and almost managing to press your face into Oliver's shoulder. After a beat you fake a sneeze, and apologise. Oliver brushes it off, and fights off a smile of his own. He doesn't have all the details, but clearly you made good on your promise to make Felix's other future fucks jealous.

"You know what? I'm desperate for a pint, anybody else -" Felix goes to stand, attempting to break the tension, but immediately Annabel scoffs.

"Desperate sounds about right." And she's not quiet with her scorn.

"Can you not do this now? We've been here two minutes, you want a drink?" He hissed, trying to keep up a positive façade despite the faint anger and embarrassment in his eyes. It doesn't last, of course, not with all eyes on the pair of them. It's Farleigh who speaks up first, not even bothering to hide his smug smile.

"You okay there, Felix?" He wears a grin that's all teeth.

"What?" Felix frowns, but Oliver can see exactly what Farleigh's talking about. When he brings it up, however, he does his best to sound genuinely innocent, concerned even.

"Have you got yourself hurt, Felix?" And when Felix meets his gaze he knows it's come across as intended, the conflict and frustration still somehow looking beautiful in his brown eyes.

"No, I'm fine," he tugs at the collar of his shirt, hoping it sits a little higher, hides the hickey that's clearly there.

"Burn yourself on a curling iron, Felix?" India teases, matching Farleigh's earlier energy, and while it did nothing to help Annabel's mood, at least Felix no longer seemed conflicted.

"Had a run in with a particularly aggressive vacuum cleaner?" You piped up from beside Oliver, and the minute Felix sees your own triumphant grin he starts to go pink around the ears and has to duck his head.

"Try several vacuum cleaners," Annabel snapped to the table, "or one whorish townie girl!" For just a moment, the group is quiet, contemplating what she'd said, the upset in her voice, but it's short-lived.

"How many vacuum cleaners?" Farleigh leans forward, elbows on the table and chin on his hands with a grin like the Cheshire cat. Felix tells him to fuck off, but his blush is still distinct.

"They're all over him," Annabel sticks her nose in the air, arms crossed and looking especially petulant. The lads at the table did actually cheer at that, much to her continued frustration.

"You spend entire nights hitting on other guys in front of me! You made eye contact while one latched himself onto your neck as I was trying to dance!" Felix argued back, and the jury of their peers began to shake their heads at this new information. Annabel pouted for a moment.

"That's different -"

"It kinda isn't," India tried to shoot for sympathetic, wincing as she said it, which was enough for Annabel to sigh dramatically, standing from the table.

"Fine, I do want a drink," and she immediately made a furious beeline for the bar. Felix, however, hesitated for a moment, watching her leave before he turned back to the group with a cocky smile, yanking down the collar of his shirt to show off several more bright, scandalous hickeys.

"Best vacuum cleaner I've ever had," he tells them all smugly, before standing up straight and righting his shirt, "okay, this round's on me." A cheer rises from the group, but as Felix walks off, Oliver catches the way he winks at Y/N. You snort a quiet laugh, but Oliver's pretty sure he's the only one who heard it.

Christ, you two weren't even trying to be subtle half the time.

Still, for all her apparent frustration at Felix's mystery partner, it seemed to only make Annabel cling to him further. No more flirting with strangers, no more sitting apart. She reeks of insecurity, but Oliver just watches you watching her. There's something in your eyes in these moments, like a lion too sated to be bothered with the hunt, but the instinct to pounce could resurface at any moment.

But Oliver's obsession with the intricacies of your lives still lead him outside of Felix's window after one of countless parties. Still watching with animal curiosity and a cigarette in hand, as Annabel works hard to stake her claim on a man she desperately wants to own.

Annabel is an unenthralling understudy, Oliver thinks.

Throwing the butt of his cigarette into the bushes, he can't bring himself to stay. He knows where he needs to go, knows what he needs to do; in his mind Annabel is a lithe and graceful performance of extasy, and Felix is all quiet focus and hard, gorgeous muscles shining with sweat from the exertion of it all. But there's no love. It's all performance, a pleasurable performance for them, he's sure, but it's just two beautiful people smashing their bodies together in sloppy ecstasy.

Fuck.

No only is a creep, and a pervert, but now he's a picky, creepy pervert.

But his thoughts stop in the courtyard outside of your dorm. You light is on. Your window is open all the way, and there you are, looking like a dream in your pyjamas, sitting on the windowsill and having a smoke.

"Ollie!" He'll never get sick of how you say his name, how you smile when you see his face. There's a split second where he has to make a decision, has to figure out how to approach you in this moment. At the club you'd all but folded on the spot at his bold approach, he knows he could have had you practically there and then if he'd been inclined, but part of him can't stop thinking about how you'd had Felix on his back, practically begging.

Oliver feels like every time he thinks he's close to figuring you out, he learns something knew about you that makes him rethink it all. He wants to know all of you, your hopes and dreams and the grotesque desires you will never tell the world, desperate to keep testing you and your reactions, and perhaps even your limits if it ever came to that, to figure out how to get underneath your beautiful skin the way Felix had. Part of him feels like you're never going to stop surprising him, one way or the other. You are intrigue and unexpected and he wants to carve a home for himself in your bones.

"Thought you'd still be out," you tell him, back flush with the frame of your window, one leg up on the ledge while the other dangled over the gardens he'd watched you from more times than he'd like to admit.

"'s not the same without you," he admits after a moment, hands in his pockets. Your endeared, bashful smile is predictable, but no less heart-warming to see. He loves the way you react to him.

"Is that why you're here," it sounds teasing, but he can hear a hint of something that almost sounds hopeful. When you look back at him again, there's that same look you've been giving him since he'd held you, kissed you, ghosted you at the club.

"I don't know," he lies softly, "I just started walking."

"Come on then," you grin, stubbing out your cigarette on the windowsill, "you came all this way, why not have a sleepover," and you swing your legs inside, hopping off the ledge. He moves automatically towards the window, but when you hear him moving, you frown over your shoulder, "door, Ollie."

He's never been inside your room at night.

It glows with the same gold light that all these old building with their old lamps glowed, casting all your knickknacks in shadow and sharp relief. Only your bed lamp was on, book open on your bed. Jane Austin's Emma.

"Sorry, I don't mean to impose," Oliver's voice matches the rest of how he wants to appear; small. Sitting on your soft, patterned duvet, he looks not at you, but around at the room you call home, cataloguing everything in this new light, trying not to think about Felix and Annabel fucking, Felix and Annabel laughing, Felix and Annabel joking about how -

He's a scholarship boy who buys his clothes from Oxfam; no-one wants to sit next to fucking Oliver.

"I love you Ollie," you tell him blithely, easily, truthfully, "you never impose."

Annabel grates on his ears and his nerves and his fucking memories. Your smile is like a balm for that the burn that snobby bitch leaves in the back of his mind when he thinks too hard about her.

You move with such ease around the space, not that he should be at all surprised at that. Perhaps it's more that he still feels like a stranger in his own room at times. Planting yourself against your headboard legs crossed and looking so at ease in your summer pyjamas, you ask, tone light, "you don't mind if I read for a bit, I'm not going to be up much longer, but like I said, you're always welcome to stay."

"What are you reading?" Oliver lets himself relax in your presence, lays himself back on the bed, looking up at the sculpted ceiling of the old building. He knows what you're reading, he just likes hearing your voice.

"Emma," he can hear the rustle of the pages, had seen the worn spine and yellowing paper, wonders if it's vintage, wonders how you got it if it is, "Jane Austen for my lit class."

"Finished Anna Karenina?" You make a quiet hum of acknowledgement. More silence and the warmth of company and lamp light, "it's been a while since I've read any Austen."

"Do you want me to read some to you?" Of course there's humour in your tone, but Oliver can hear it for the genuine offer that it is. When he looks at you, he can't help but smile. There's such fond affection in your eyes as you look at him over the top of the book.

"Please," he says it so softly, so sweetly, and it's enough to see you smile before you disappear behind the book again.

"I'm near the end, you won't get the context -"

"Doesn't matter," he sits back up, pulls off his jacket, kicks off his shoes, and settles back beside you.

"Settled?" Your voice is a murmur, barely a whisper, and when he laughs quietly, he knows you can feel the way it rumbles within him.

When you start, your voice is soothing, halfway through a chapter, through a conversation between characters he has no clue about. He's never read Austen but he'd devour her books if you were the one reading them. It feels like an almost perfect moment.

"- Seldom, very seldom," his head is on your shoulder, eyes scanning the page, the words as you read them, "does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken, but-”

"I did come here for you," something about the line makes the hairs prick on the back of his neck, he can't keep quiet; there is want still simmering beneath his skin, and each time his mind drifts to Felix and Annabel, something furious and desperate coils in his gut. You fall silent, book still open and aloft, cheek still resting against his head where he's kept it on your shoulder. When you take a deep breath, he feels it, both of you move in sync, "of course I came here for you."

This time, he doesn't reach out, doesn't touch you more than he is. Every time he's reached out, he's gone against the pattern you've observed of him, he's always made a connection with you where you know he holds back from others. This time, he waits with bated breath.

"If there's nothing more you want from me than moments like this, I'll never say another word about it," he assures, as if trying not to spook or pressure you. But still he waits.

"What do you want, Ollie?" To pick you apart like a vulture, to see the desires you keep so close they're written on your bones.

"You," he says instead, all gentle words and just as gentle breathing, "if you'll have me." Tell me what it is you want. Tell me you can want. Tell me you know you can want things for yourself, want things beyond a reaction to the wants and needs of everyone around you -

Carefully, you reach over to your bedside table, trying not to jostle either of you too much, and keep your place with a bookmark before you put the book down.

But you do make the first move. You take his face in your hands, holding him like he's fragile and perfect and porcelain, shuffling to face him properly. This kiss tastes almost like home, like finally from you both, until his tongue runs along your lips and you part willingly for him, the kiss turning quickly more passionate. Oliver's not even sure how he came to be straddling your lap, nor how he didn't notice you undoing half of his shirt buttons already, but when the kiss breaks he takes your hands in his.

"Of course I want you," tumbles from your lips, sounding heady, needy, and for just a moment, Oliver breath stutters in his chest. But he slows things down again, leans in to kiss you sweetly once more, before he's pulling off your pyjama shirt.

"I want to know what you want," he murmurs against your lips, kissing his way down your jaw slowly as he speaks, "wanna know how to make you feel good."

"Anything you do -" you try, but he looks up after pressing a kiss to your sternum.

"You need to be needed," he says softly, punctuating each statement with a kiss, refusing to break eye contact with you, "and you want to be wanted," his warm lips on your belly, he sees the conflict in your eyes, the desire and embarrassment all at once, "and you're very good at those things, one of the best, I'm sure." Hooking his thumbs into the waistband of your underwear, he pauses, "is this okay?" You nod quickly, enthusiastically, and he gives a warm smile.

"You're like me, sweetheart," he says softly, resting his cheek on your inner thigh for a moment, watching you still. Reaching out, you card your fingers through his hair, fingers trailing down his jaw, and he turns his face to kiss your palm, "I know that if I gave you half a chance, you'll figure out how to be all I could ever want, but tonight I want everyone to hear how you sound when someone's making you feel good-" he doesn't realise he's quoting something he should not have heard from Felix until it's too late, but you cut him off. You didn't even seem to realise.

Then your other hand is in his hair, a new look in your eyes, a newfound determination, a nervous excitement. You grip on his hair tightens.

"Yes?" He gives a cheeky grin, and you finally smile like you mean it.

"I get it," you roll your eyes, but there's nothing malicious about it, especially since the gesture has Oliver pressing his own chuckle against your thigh, "now you have one guess as to how I'd like you to shut up." There's that confidence he'd heard the other day, the confidence that was burned into the back of his mind, the confidence that had been part of the reason he'd spent a good hour in the shower after hearing it.

"Only if you turn out your lamp," he smirks, though inside all he can think about is how bright the whole room is through the gap in the curtains. It doesn't seem to bother you, it never has, and though he was grateful for it when he was on the outside looking in, there's something about being the one potentially being watched that causes him a faint sense of unease.

You call the moonlight more romantic anyways, and Oliver doesn't need to be told twice to go down on you.

When Oliver wakes the next morning, still in your bed, still in you, he almost wants to pinch himself. It's a childish sentiment, but you're in his arms, wrapped up in him and this early morning light through your curtains. Though he tries not to jostle you too much, the arm beneath his head is asleep and getting more uncomfortable by the second. Except the movement just makes you mumble around a breathy moan, hips moving against his.

"Fucking hell," he groans into your ear, and he gets a sleepy, contented chuckle in return, turning your face a little more towards him to give an affectionate bump against his forehead.

"Ollie~"

For just a second, Oliver thinks about living in this moment for the rest of his life.

"You okay?" He murmurs, watching your smile grow. Everything about you looks so pleased, so content, so satisfied.

"Never done that before," you admit, wiggling your hips a little. Oliver swears under his breath again, but judging by the mischievous smile you wear and the twinkle in your eyes, you knew exactly what you were doing. Then, with all the casualness of any other conversation, you manage to catch him off guard again; "anyone who thinks you don't fit in has clearly never fucked you; you fit perfectly -" his teeth sink into your shoulder before he can even properly figure out how he should have reacted.

But instead of finding it strange or off-putting, you let out a breathy laugh, tension easing in your shoulders. Your hips begin to roll against his, consistent, deliberate. He wonders how many people you've let fuck you like this, like they love you, like they care about you. Oh he knows you fuck your friends with love on your tongue, treat them like they're your last meal, like they mean something, but Oliver gets the feeling you don't expect them to return the favour. He's seen the kind of company you keep, he's pretty sure they never do.

How many of them have seen you grateful the way you look now, bathed in the morning light of Summer, laughing and unable to stop talking with such casual fondness in your eyes and on your lips.

When you go down on him in the shower, Oliver thinks he sees hearts in your eyes.

There might just be something very fucking wrong with you, and he's grateful for it every day.

But it doesn't last.

It's on a Summer day that's too hot, less than a week since he'd spent the night with you. Summer days around here seem to always be too hot, but this might be the worst. Felix still doesn't close his blinds, sun painting him golden where he lay on the floor of his room with a cigarette. Oliver had perched himself on the windowsill as you'd taken up residence on Felix's bed, sitting with your back to his headboard, engrossed in what appeared to be notes, or some kind of file.

Oliver has no idea if you've told Felix, or what you would have told him. The dynamic between the three of you appears to have remained otherwise unchanged. Sometimes, however, Oliver catches Felix looking at him out of the corner of his eyes, head tipped, curious like he was about Oliver's past; his expression is always unreadable, but it's started pitting in Oliver's stomach whenever he catches it. Felix always looks away. Felix has been looking at him less lately, that too causes some kind of anxious feeling Oliver would rather not dwell on.

"I don't like Michael Gavey," you announced from your relatively dark corner of Felix's bed. How did you even know Michael Gavey?

"Who?" Felix makes a face in the sunlight, whole expression wrinkling up, as if trying to wrack his brains. But you're looking at Oliver. There's no affection in your eyes, manila folder in your hands.

"He's-" Oliver feels like he's on the back foot again. All the comfort and good will he'd built up around the two of you feels suddenly so far away, "he's in my year." There's no precedent, no road map in his mind for where this could be going.

"He likes you," it's accusatory coming from you. Oliver looks to Felix for a moment, if only to avoid the intensity of your gaze, but he's closed his eyes, staying out of it.

Oliver considers bailing out of the window, but thinks better of it.

"He, erm, kind of was my friend, I suppose."

"Kind of was your friend?" Felix's voice is almost cold, surprising Oliver, but apparently not you. It's clear you're both looking for some kind of elaboration. Why did this feel like an interrogation? What had Michael done? Why was Oliver on trial for it? Felix cracks his eyes open as he takes a long draught of his cigarette.

"Back at the start of the year," Oliver wets his lips, fidgeting, focusing his attention only on the folder you held, desperate to know what was in it.

"Nasty friend you had," you tell him. It's so cold it almost stings.

"Is he the one who got you all riled up the other week?" Felix finally appears to connect the dots, sitting up on his elbows. Thankfully, however, his amusement breaks the tension, and you have to hide your face behind the file as you opened it and began to read. Oliver could feel his heart in his throat, confused, anxious -

"Impressive mathematic record across the board for his first semester, as well all throughout sixth form," you rattled off, eyes narrowed as you look at the paper, "several documented attempts to contact the Head of Math, Phys-Ed, and Life Sciences to," you cleared your throat, shaking your head with surprising disdain, "beg to be exempt from any potentially mandatory Humanities or Social Sciences courses. Unsurprising," you rolled your eyes, "since he bombed his English and French GCSEs, and I think he's the kind of person who prides himself on a perfect GPA."

Every fact you list you do so with such casual cruelty, momentarily folding the file closed and leaning down to make sure you could see Felix.

"He went to high school with us apparently," so casual it actually hurts Oliver a little to hear, "year below us he said," and you wiggle the file in your hands, "looks to be true."

"Still don't know him," Felix shrugs, like he doesn't give any kind of a shit how you got your hands on all of this information. Sitting back, you continued;

"Applied for scholarships - didn't get them; turns out you have to play sports to get a sports scholarships," you click your tongue as you flip through the pages of Michael's file like you were reading the newspaper, "no clubs, no social life, and a notably arrogant prick." You snapped the file closed, levelling a look at Oliver that he'd never seen you make. It was nothing, like a void, demanding a reaction, a response from him. Accusatory yet without any hint of blame, there's something about this look of intense, demanding neutrality that makes him feel actually sick, like you'll be able to know when he lies, know all his secrets if you look at him long enough.

Felix settles back down on the ground, seemingly immune to the tension so thick Oliver felt like he was choking on it. Even if he looks away he can feel your eyes boring into him, like a spider watching a futile fly in it's web.

"What's your problem with him?" Oliver can only bring himself to look out the window, bringing his hand up to scratch at his nose. Maybe if he covers his mouth he won't spill his guts under your gaze. Then, almost so fast it gives Oliver motion sickness, the tension drops.

You sit yourself back, kick your feet out in front of you, and toss the file to the end of the bed. That can't be legal.

"It's sweet that your friends are protective, but he knows you're your own person, right -?" God your light, flippant tone all but rings in his ears. Still, Oliver knows a warning when he hears it.

"He's not my friend; he was, but he's not," Oliver quickly insists, desperate to be on the other side of this deeply uncomfortable conversation. The tension eases in your shoulders when he looks over to you; the right answer. Something about the relief he feels doesn't sit quite right; why had you brought Michael up now of all times? Why had your gaze felt so constricting, even when he and Michael weren't even close; all you would have had to do was ask -

"Said some nasty things about us is all," your voice goes quiet, rueful even, and he follows your gaze to the edge of the bed to where you knew Felix lay, "called Fi a slag."

But there it was; the true audience for your show of force, and the blade that sliced so cleanly through any other attachment people think they have with Felix, all in one.

Its a simple nickname, the most basic nickname anyone could give to a guy named Felix, but no-one else calls him anything but Felix. No-one else calls him Fi the way you do, they wouldn't dare. He wears your nickname like a collar and he doesn't even realise.

"What a cunt," Felix groaned, so infuriatingly uncaring.

In the moments that follow, Oliver almost feels like his head's spinning from the interaction that had just been forced upon him. There's so many questions, new, anxiety-inducing implications for the information you've brought to them both today. Felix doesn't seem troubled by it, but that seems to be the point.

"So fucking hot," he sighs into the afternoon heat, finishing off his cigarette like none of what you'd said even mattered now.

"I know," Oliver finds his voice again, barely. He can't look at you, at the way you're lounging in what he could mistake for triumph. All he can see is Felix, the centre of the fucking universe.

There's something grotesque about you both in this moment, in this room, beautiful and terrible; the perfect picture of privilege and squalor.

"What's that smell?" Pizza, mostly empty drinks, plates and cups unwashed, dirty clothes -

"Uh," if Felix thinks about it, he isn't thinking too hard, clearly, "I don't know." Smoke rings from his pretty lips aren't enough of a distraction from the moment, from the filth of it all now that Oliver's starting to properly look around.

Again he finds himself realising that he has no idea about your background, how you came to find Felix. Sitting with your back to the headboard and eyes closed, even you seem to not care-

"Can't believe you let him live like this," Oliver actually scoffs, hopping from the windowsill, needing to do something with his hands, move, shake off the layer of moral grime that your verbal attack on Michael Gavey had showered him in.

"What?" Felix barely even props himself up, "what are you on about?"

"It's disgusting, Felix."

"It's fine."

"Right, I'm cleaning up -" Oliver moves without thinking, picking up a the waste paper basket and throwing out trash from every surface he can reach. He can't look at Felix, can't look at you, but you're both watching him, "only rich people can afford to be this filthy," he hears himself say. Then, after barking a laugh with no humour in it, he turns his shallow gaze on you, "and what's your excuse? Just picked the habit up after all those years?" For a moment you look at him with genuine confusion, but you give him no real response before Felix tells him to fuck off. But Oliver doesn't stop.

Even as Felix is growing more fed up, insisting he'll clean up later, Oliver's own frustration rises. Felix will never do anything for himself.

Except he doesn't mean to say that part out loud.

That's what gets Felix on his feet, gets him to grab the basket, irritation and resentment on his tongue. Oliver feels like he's touched a live wire, like he's pushed Felix too far, watching him tall, frustrated, glowing with sweat from the afternoon heat. It's the heat Felix complains about as he blows about him room, resentfully stuffing rubbish into the bin, complains about the building and it's age and it's wood fucking panelling that can't be ruined with an air conditioner.

In the moment Oliver chooses to glance to you, he's surprised. You only have eyes for Felix, watching him with an expression Oliver can't begin to fathom, curled up in the corner of his bed. You are waiting. You are holding yourself back. You are desperately trying to let Felix prove Oliver wrong.

"Stressing about the exams?" Oliver tries to pivot, tries to redirect the conversation to something he can claw his way back from, that will keep these relationships from being unsalvageable.

"I'm not stressed about the exams, Ol," Felix sounds like he could snap at any moment, sitting on the edge of his bed, wastebasket held on his knees while his other hand reaches out to you. Still half a foot of space between you, and you keep yourself compact, but the intention is clear; Oliver wonders if he even knows he does that, or if it's just instinct for the two of you these days. Felix, however, is looking at him, that same look he's been giving Oliver since you'd slept with him, "you're driving me fucking -"

Felix seems to realise what he's saying, however, with a sharp inhale as he looked away, moving his free hand from beside you to run through his hair. What is there to say now?

Felix says he's got revising to do, that he'll text later about going to the pub. Oliver desperately wants to believe it, but can hear that it's a lie. Felix can't even fucking look at him.

Oliver finally throws a helpless, hopeful glance to you. This time you are looking at him, but there's apology in your eyes. It's enough. It's the confirmation he'd dreaded, that makes his stomach drop.

"Ollie," even just a few hours ago he'd been in love with the way you said his name. Never like this.

"I'll catch you round," he can't look at either of you as he retreats, cant bare your eyes on him like that, and Felix's turned away.

A million thoughts, desperate ideas, all circle the drain that is quickly becoming his mind as the anxiety and the anguish sets in.

Unsalvageable. Past the point of no return. Irrevocably, awfully different.

With all he'd learned of you both, however, he couldn't just let it go to waste. Oliver had worked for all he had in this life, this prestigious place, among these self-important people. Despite his ongoing attempts to figure you out, he at least knew that if he was good to Felix, he was in good with you.

And Oliver knew exactly who Felix Catton wanted him to be.

[namjooningelsewhere]

War Of The Hearts: #9

✽Pairing - OT7 x reader (DJ) and OT7 x Lily

✽Word Count - 7.8k

✽Ratings - 18+

✽Genre(s) - Mafia Au, Angst , Fluff, mentions of smut.

✽Trigger Warnings - Mentions of Death, Mentions of Trauma , minor alcohol consumption, mentions of torture and shootouts and mentions of bloodshed, Mentions of Drugs, Attempted Murder, A little manipulative behavior, A shootout, a lot of cursing, There is a little bit of torture in here so please please avoid this if this triggers you in any way.

✽Summary - You’ve been lurking in the shadows, protecting the seven of Bangtan even if it means you must give your own life. After all, that’s what you do when you are in love with someone irrevocably. That pain seems to be minuscule in light of their safety. But it was never about you, for all you are is a speck of dust in the universe they have created for them and their girlfriend. Your heart’s at war, but it’s fine, you can smile through the pain as long as it means they smile- for her.

✽A/N : Hello Everyone! I apologise I couldn't post the last time due to some circumstances and I literally couldn't find any time to get on Tumblr after the post. The 9th part is here now, And I hope you guys like it, And also my apologies if you find the writing a little over the place, Ive been in a slump with writing since a year and this is my honest attempt to get out of it. I would love it if you let me know what you think about it.

✽Taglist: @brimal @2ne1unni @shatzkrinslinzki @zae007live, @gukieater @tinyoonsblog @skylievin @2ne1unni @lovelgirl22 @euphakid @embrace-themagic @didi-9310 @loisje123 @iamhereforbts @silscintilla @2ne1unni @rp171198 @aboredboredboreduniverse @blaaiissee @top-crop @sa7kou @chhungi-bawihtlung @aquariushoesss @definitelythinkimanalien

7mer @babycoffeefire @emoskytime8 @hob3yw0rld@motivatedprocastinator @speedyqueendaze @sugajinny @thereaderwholovesyou @btspurplesky @skz-jeha @theestrangeddreamer @success1009 @militrybarbi @afangirllikeme-blog @celestialentitiesss @daydreambrliever @bibebts @dreamamubarak @kimsaerom @sa7kou @veronawrites @bt21chim @cutiepat @jooniebub @shadowyjellyfishfest @mageprincess7 @jiminbolala @impossibilitydesign @xtayxx​ @ cherryluvhobi @knjsbae @intoomanyfandoms15 @foreverddaeng

✽Part Eight - Here

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You chuckled at hearing a gasp from the Bratva’s side, Your request was very unusual for him. You knew that. You were sure he wouldn't be able to fathom why exactly you wanted Zakharov to visit you in Korea.         

“Bratva, we will speak when you get here. Right now all I am requesting is your presence here. Rest assured, This is going to be one hell of a trip.” Bratva obliged your request right away without questioning further. You looked at the men standing in the room looking at you with an expression that spelled curiosity all over their faces.

“They have agreed to come, Bratva will let me know sometime tomorrow when exactly they can come.” 

“You're in for a treat.” Borris looks at Jimin helplessly when he hears Jimin mock him. You shrug your shoulders when Borris looks at you expecting him to help him. He should have thought of that before they plotted against you and the Bangtan men. These were nothing but consequences of their actions.

If they didn't feel bad before using and treating you as a scapegoat, Then why the hell should you?

“What do we do now?” You take a moment to answer Taehyung’s question. How were you supposed to go from here? 

“Let's move him to my house, Mikhail will be taken care of by my men.” Nobody speaks up against your decision, Except for Borris. Who of course has a lot of comments to make. You ignore the pleas of the man and ask your men to take him to your house. You needed to keep a strict eye on the man lest there should be any other unexpected events. Should there be one?

It takes a little while after a screaming Borris is escorted out of the room, You take a minute to calm down. The way Borris kept screaming gave you a headache and you really didn't want to hear the voice of that man for some time. You needed some silence.

You sit in the room with the other men who seemed too quiet, Nobody spoke anything. They were all just sitting there. Some look at their hands entwined in their laps, The others look at the furniture in the room as if it were in some museum. These feelings sometimes were so difficult to express, That you had no idea what to do about it. You all had been played, and manipulated by Lily. And right now neither you nor the boys knew where you would go from here. “It's getting late, We should leave.” Everyone looked at Namjoon with somewhat of an expression of relief, The awkward atmosphere was getting too much to bear.

“I don't want to be anywhere near Lily right now.” Everyone seemed to agree with Yoongi. You looked at the seven men with a puzzled expression. Lily did not know they knew, And you did not have the slightest clue yourself of how the boys were going to face her, Let alone you.

“I think me and Namjoon will go to our house with Lily, The rest of you stay with DJ at her place.” Namjoon gave Jin a questioning look but did not speak. The older male seemed to gesture at something which did not make him question anything anymore.

“Boss, do you want us to come with you?”

“No, I guess let's call it a day. You guys have had enough for today as well.” The two men nodded and left first. You bid farewell to the two men who left for their house. You could feel the tension thick in the air but there was very little that you could do about it. You had no words to express the pain that you yourself felt when you saw the pain on the seven men's faces. They were feeling so many things at the same time, Yet there was barely anything that these men could do about it.

“Namjoon..” You pulled Namjoon into a hug when he looked back the moment you called him. His hands tightened around your waist and you just wished he could feel what you wanted to convey.

“It will be alright.” You feel his head nodding in a yes, You take a deep breath inhaling his scent, Which provides a sense of comfort. You let him go after a second, He gave you a weak smile and proceeded towards his car. You followed the five men to your respective cars to leave for your house.

The house seemed dead silent when both Jin and Namjoon walked in, The men wordlessly walked towards Lily’s room. She was still sleeping peacefully and totally unaware of her surroundings.

Jin took a seat near her and switched on the lights on the light side. The dimly lit room hid their tears very well. The soft light illuminated only the face of the woman they had come to love all these years, They couldn't have thought in their wildest dreams of the dark secret the woman was hiding.

Namjoon stroked Lily’s head softly, His fingers caressing her forehead in a way where a little force could break her. He let out a sigh and looked at Jin who had an equally gloomy expression on his face. The two men spent a good minute just looking at Lily, who looked like she was having the best sleep after a hard working day.

“You remember the first day we met her? She looked like she was seconds away from ripping your hair out?” Namjoon chuckled at that fond memory. For the first time ever in his life, he had someone walk up to him and yell at him. With every word she spoke, Namjoon kept controlling his laughter which ultimately came off the minute she took a pause. She still remembered the bewildered expression that came over Lily’s face when she saw them laughing his head off. The smile that came on her face after snatching his breath instantly threw him out of the laughing fit. The way her eyes crinkled when she laughed too was enough to have him swooning.

“I remember it clearly just like it happened yesterday. That smile was lethal.” Jin let out a small laugh at Namjoon’s mention, His first memory of Lily resembling something of Namjoon. He still remembered the way he had dragged Namjoon to see who she was. 

“Who knew she was hiding so many things.” 

“Never knew she could do something like this to us.” Namjoon withdraws his hands and stands up making his way to the window, The dark night looks better than the darkness inside him. His brain wanted to kill the woman who had used him and was probably very close to betraying him. But his heart kept refuting everything he had heard. Namjoon let out a frustrated scream and punched his hand on the window hard, shattering the glass into pieces.

“Are you fucking out of your mind? Show me.” Jin looked at the younger’s hand in pure despair, The shards of glass sticking to his knuckles made him bleed profusely.

“I will kill you if you do that shit again, il back in a second.” Jin rushed out of the bedroom to bring the first aid kit while Namjoon dejectedly took a seat on the chair placed right in front of Lily.

Jin froze in his steps and Namjoon suddenly stopped him with his hand. He got up and knelt down in front of Lily who was letting out small groans. She was waking up. Jin pulled Namjoon back and made him sit.

“I don't care if she is waking up, Sit down. Let's have a look at this first.” Jin’s stern expression got Namjoon sitting down like a small kid who was threatened with being grounded. Jin let small curses when Namjoon winced in pain and right at that moment he was thankful that he had the rest of them by his side. At Least they weren't going anywhere. They would always be by his side.

“DJ….” Jin paused his administration on Namjoon’s hand the second he heard your name, Really? She had the audacity to set you up and then utter your name like you were in some kind of distress. Namjoon tried getting up but Jin’s strong grip on his thighs didn't allow him to do so. 

“Funny isn't it, How she is the one who was setting up DJ, and hers is the first name she took when she's waking up.” Jin's grip didn't allow Namjoon to budge. The man could be as stubborn as a mule and nobody could do anything about it. 

“I wonder what she remembers.” Namjoon quickly shushed him, pointing a finger at the woman. Jin and Namjoon concentrated on the woman's movements which kept getting more restless and your name which kept coming out of her mouth like a mantra. Her movements signaled the men that she would be waking up any minute.

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“Namjoon.--

“Don't wake up, Just lay back down.” Namjoon placed her head back on the pillow, While Jin ran to fetch a glass of water. 

“Where is Dj?” Namjoon placed his finger on her lips trying his best to not shake her up and slap her for what she tried to do. 

“She's safe. You should get some rest.” He stroked her forehead and the woman fell back asleep. Jin gently held her head and helped her drink some water. Even before she could take two sips Jin popped the question he had been dying to ask her, What did she remember? The water spluttered out of Lily’s mouth and she began coughing violently. Namjoon gave a stern look to Jin while he rubbed her back, Jin just gave a blank expression. Maybe he knew what was about to go down. His mind wanted to see the extent she would lie, but his heart secretly wished that somehow magically she wouldn't have anything to do with all this.

Lily’s huge sobs brought Jin out of his thoughts and the little hope that was peeking its head inside his heart went away in an instant.

“He had his gun here, Right on my head.”Lily wept in Namjoon’s arms and the latter just stopped himself from giving her a piece of his mind.

“Sweetie, did you know who they were? Why were they after you?”

“I don't remember anything, They hit me so hard on the head. Maybe they wanted to hurt you guys and meant to use me like a pawn.” Jin clenched his teeth in rage, Really is this how this woman had been lying to their face all these years? What else had she lied about?

“Namjoon, Jin. I am too tired and weak right now. I want to sleep.” The two men placed her head on the pillow back again and pulled the comforter on her. 

“Sleep here with me please, I don't want to be alone.” The two men obliged unwillingly, What could they have given to not be there with her right now. For the first time ever, They did not want to be there by her side. They had the urge to run miles away from her, But there was so much to know and so much left to unveil, They had to play along.

Lily relaxed a little after she had the two men sleeping next to her side, She snuggled into Namjoons chest and prayed silently that everything was right at the place that it was supposed to be. For the life of her, she couldn't remember a single thing no matter what. While she decided to rest and hope that everything was fine, the two men stayed awake next to her, hating every second of it. This was going to be one hell of a long night. 

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You sat in front of the two men that had been locked in the basement, Your men stood guard outside ready to blow the heads of the two captive men if they tried something. Mikhail kept drifting in and out of consciousness while Borris sat terrified and roped to the chair. His eyes kept moving towards Mikhail and the fear of having the same fate as him and that fear in his eyes gave you a sick level of satisfaction.

“Why can't you just let us go?” You did not dignify Borris’s question with an answer,  You were not even sure anymore what were you even supposed to say to him? These guys came into your life from nowhere and turned it worse than up and down, for their own selfish needs. Tried to pawn you off like you belonged to them or some toy that they had bought. Lily should be thankful you still had not laid your hands on her.

“Will you say something?” Borris bought his voice several notches down, Still not sure of what you would do lest he pissed you off. Mikhail was right next to me, probably wishing he was dead. 

“If I hear one more word out of your mouth, Those worms from his thigh will be in your eyes.” Borris shrieked loud enough to induce another headache, One movement of your leg was enough to have the man apologizing profusely. 

You kept sitting in front of the two men, This time in peace. The entire day kept flashing in front of you like a film, The one you wouldn't even want to have a dream of. You had to plan ahead, Starting from Choi first. The bastard had answers to give.

“You had a long day, You should get some sleep.” You turn around to see Yoongi leaning on the door, His arms crossed and a blank expression on his face. 

“So did you.” 

“Just get up already, It's getting late.” You do not argue with him and get up and start walking with him. You had no energy whatsoever to have another argument with anyone. 

The men had taken their picks from their room as soon as they had walked inside your house, Nobody said anything. You didn't either. Everyone needed some silence to reflect on what they had gone through that day. You had walked straight to the basement to check the captive rats in your house. 

You and Yoongi just kept walking up the stairs, An inexpressible silence engulfing both of you. Maybe you just didn't need words, You didn't know for him but somehow deep down inside you were glad that you were not alone. “Mind if I stay here tonight?” Your hands paused for a fraction of a second before you silently nodded and the man followed you inside. 

“Make yourself comfortable, I'll just wash up.” You didn't wait for his reply as you went towards your bathroom and the said man made himself comfortable on the right side of the bed.

“Can't sleep?” 

“Yoongi?” You touched his shoulder lightly to which he flinched, You stepped back in surprise and placed your hands in the front where he could see them. He had to be too deep in thought for a light touch to be startling him like that.

“I'm sorry, I'm just….”

“No it's okay, I mean are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I'm okay—-

“Are you really?”

“No, I'm not. Hell, I'm not remotely okay. What the hell happened today?”

“I know its a lot to take in—-

“We loved her, you know? Like really really loved her. I don't think I've loved any other woman as much as I have loved her.” Your heart broke at the way he was speaking about Lily with so much pain. All of you were in the same boat, to be honest, You loved Bangtan, Bangtan loved Lily, Lily loved Borris and she didn't give two fucks about who she hurt in the process.

You were all part of a terrible terrible mess, And none of you could do anything about it. “Trust me, I understand how you all must be feeling right now.” Yoongi was visibly at a loss of words, You could see that. You quickly mumbled a quick sorry and switched off the lights to avoid any kind of awkward atmosphere. You had enough of it already.

“DJ…….”

“Hmm?”

“I am sorry.” 

“What for?” 

“I know we didn't know, And we couldn't help how you felt. But now I truly know how it feels when that person you love is not yours.” A tear rolled down your eyes, Though the scenarios were entirely different, but just him at that moment acknowledging that feeling gave you a different strength. They were not at fault, But just the mere thought of someone deeply understanding how and what you've been through healed something. Maybe you were being selfish, But at that moment you didn't give a damn about anything. 

You stayed in the same position facing away from the wall and Yoongi sat up, Leaning on the headboard. None of you said anything anymore. There was a very scarce chance that you would have gotten any sleep considering the way the day had unfolded. You made a feeble attempt to convince yourself that the lack of sleep came from the day you had, And had nothing to do with the man beside you who was already deeply heartbroken. 

You turned towards Yoongi, unable to resist the temptation. A part of you just wanted to pull him in a hug and hold him tight enough to make his pain disappear. Your heart broke into a million pieces looking at Yoongi staring at the wall with a blank expression on his face. 

A knock on your door brought you out of your thoughts, but Yoongi still remained the same. It looked like he didn't even hear it. You touch his hand lightly but upon receiving no response you let the man be and decide to open the door yourself. 

“Can I sleep here?” You make way for Taehyung, who stills for a second when he sees Yoongi on the bed. He quietly sleeps in the middle and places Yoongi’s hand on his chest. Yoongi looks at the younger male in surprise but does not react. You stand still for a minute looking at the scene in front of you. How you wish you had Jeh here. Just his being there made everything so much better.

“Are you going to sleep or what?” 

“Yeah I was going to—- 

“Then come.”

Taehyung’s hand snaked around your waist and you felt a strange sense of comfort. It was kind of a day where you wouldn't choose to be alone. You closed your eyes waiting for sleep to overcome everything you had been through today. You drifted off to light sleep, You ignored any moment that somehow kept happening beside you, Some sleep was all you wanted.

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You opened your eyes to the biggest surprise you had in some time. You could call it a good surprise but it was still a surprise. You were three people when you had slept but you were now waking up to a total of six of them excluding you in your bed. You did not have even the slightest clue when Jimin, Hobi, Jungkook had joined Yoongi, Taehyung, and you on your bed that was meant for two, a Maximum of three and a half. 

You carefully crept out of the bed, making sure not to make any noise because you had no idea when these men had managed to have some sleep. You walked down the steps making up your mind about if you should have woken those guys or if you should just leave them sleeping. You decide the latter and start thinking of the strongest coffee that you would need to make to help with your day better.

You had already made up your mind about half of the things that you had to do today, Choi was on top of it. You could swear you would make him regret coming behind you. 

You park your car in the private parking in the public administrator's building that Choi’s office was in. You make your way to the private entrance of the building which was specifically reserved for the VIP’s visiting the officials. The offices were quite exquisite considering they had special arrangements for the VIPs who didn't want to be seen when they visited the premises and every one of them had a special access card that let them access the building when they needed to.

You take the elevator and land on the floor Choi was located on, The waiting area was absolutely empty apart from the reception.

“Hi, Do you have an appointment?”

“No, But Mr.Choi knows me. Can you inform him of my presence?” The receptionist gauges your calm and collected face for a second and picks up the receiver. You were in half mind if the bastard would see you upon unannounced notice but you had other ways as well.

“I'm sorry but he is a little occupied at the moment, I can pencil you down for some time this week?” You laughed at the weak attempt he made to avoid you. 

“Is he now? Don't worry, that won't be necessary. He will see me in a minute” You send the picture that you had clicked of Mikhail on your phone and look at the camera with a smirk, You knew he was watching you. Ten seconds later the telephone rings and the puzzled receptionist guides you into his office.

“What the hell do you want, I don't know this man?” You laugh at the way the old man didn't bother giving it a minute, You walk towards the couch he was sitting on with a smile that was calm enough to boil his blood. 

“I didn't ask you anything old man, Why don't you give it a minute?”

“DJ, don't think you can fool me with your antics, I'm not bothered.” You let out a laugh listening to his statement, Really? And yet he had let you see him within ten seconds. Ten seconds was all it took you to break that disgusting piece of shit. 

“Okay let me take this picture to the circle then, Let them decide.” You get up and walk towards the door sure of the thing that this time was not your exit, The bastard had too much on the line.

“Wait—-

“You remember now?” 

“Just come back here.”

“Don't leave out a thing, Or else this man is going to be the reason why you will see your own end.”

“He came here because he wanted revenge because you wiped out his family.” 

“And”

“I gave him an idea that he should take down everything you love before you die, And that includes Bangtan.” Now this rang an alarm in your head, Why? Why would he want to go after Bangtan?

“And how did you get in touch with him?”

“You think only you know the people in the Russian mob? I knew it from the day you bought his father here, I tracked him down and led him here indirectly and when he was here I just helped him figure out the details. Since we had the same motives he readily obliged.” You were stunned by the information that the old man had just blurted out, You were still puzzled by how he had planned to use something that didn't involve him in the first place. 

“Why Bangtan?”

“I wanted them all gone.”

“Why?”

“Senior Jung was considering Namjoon to be the head of the circle.” Now this was something that you had no information about. The thought of Choi doing something like this only to eliminate the Bangtan because one of them was supposed to be the next head. You swore you would show him the consequences of it. 

“You did all this because you wanted that position for—

“My son.” He uttered the words rather feebly, Your expression darkened considerably, How stupid was this man that he had chosen to execute all this, and for what. The circle would anyways not have accepted his son, That brat was hopeless. 

You were furious about everything that had been happening in your life, You wanted to bury Lily deep in thorns, This was all because of her, She put you in a mess that was a literal swamp, the more you tried to get out, the deeper you kept going. 

You saw an expression of fear and confusion on Choi’s face. He didn't anticipate you reaching the root of his conspiracy, And probably wondered how you even managed to do this? 

You kept pacing behind his couch, half in a mind to strangle this bastard and chop his head off. You decided the former is a better option. You quietly picked the tie hanging in his coat stand, while the poor guy kept trying to look back trying to gauge your next move.

“Next time I see you playing such dirty tricks on me or either of the men in Bangtan I will make sure you regret the day you were born.” The old man struggled for a breath as you tightened the tie around his neck. How you wished you could choke the life out of this scum.

“I swear I won't” The old man managed to speak a few words in a matter of few seconds, You threw the tie away in disgust and walked out before you ended up killing him for real.

You walk out of the Choi office in a mixed sea of emotions, Anger, despair, and sadness. Those emotions just kept coming back, They kept getting washed to the shore in intervals leaving you in confusion about the way to deal with them.

You kept driving through the roads aimlessly trying to get a hold of your thoughts, You had invited Bratva and Lily’s ex-husband to Korea, That mere thought of Lily’s face when she would see them gave you another wave of sick satisfaction. Even though you were involved in a business that was not legal, and was deeply rooted in blood and conspiracies you never derived any satisfaction that soothed you to the bones, But ever since you knew about Lily’s intentions and her lies there was an evil satisfaction that coursed through your veins. 

The ringing of your phone brought you back to reality from your self-introspection. Seeing Bratva's name on the screen, You hurriedly park your car on the side and with a deep breath click on the answer.  

“DJ” Bratva’s heavy voice booms through the speakers sending a little shiver down your spine even though there was no reason to. 

“Bratva, How are you?” 

“I am good, But something tells me you are not okay, doc.” You almost feel your tears trying to escape through your eyes but you try to keep them in. At that moment you miss Jeh. You had only him in your life who could just by looking at your face, Could tell something was wrong with you. 

“Doch—

“Yeah Bratva, I am right here. Tell me”

“You tell me DJ, What has happened? Something doesn't feel right.”

“Before I tell you what has happened, You will be coming to Korea right?”

“Of Course, we are, What makes you think that I won't come if you call me? We will be there in a week, Zakharov is a little occupied right now. But we will be there for sure.” You smile at the remark reminiscing how you and Bratva had met versus the fondness in his voice right now.

“That's not a problem Bratva, I don't want to inconvenience you in any way— “That's nonsense, Do you want to tell me what happened?”

You narrate the entire event from the time you got back from Russia to Bratva and he listens to you with a stoic expression. The only way you can make the anger emanating from him is the stiffness of his expression and the clenching of his jaw. 

“That bitch” 

“I swear—

“I swear I will kill her when I lay my hands on her—

“Bratva, There is no joy in killing her, I have better plans for her.”

“You mean?” You chuckle at the way Bratva’s face lights up when you say you have a special plan for her, You always felt that this particular idea of putting someone in deep suffering would be ten times gruesome than killing the person and giving them an easy way out, And it was time that Lily tasted this special expertise of yours.

“Bratva, Let me get back to you for the details but for now know that she is in for a treat.” You hear Bratva’s booming laugh and that breaks a smile on your face.

She was indeed in for a treat.

✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽

You open the door cautiously to your home and are immediately greeted by the loud voices in the living room. You could tell from a distance that all seven of them were present in your home right now. You stop at the door and contemplate for a minute whether you should go inside, But then you drive the idea away, This was your fucking house. 

The confusion was about your equation with the men of Bangtan, This was evolving with the speed of light. One day you were mere acquaintances, The next you were supposedly dating, The next you were friends, and now? That was a question you had no answer to.

The room quietens a bit when you enter the room. The sounds that you had been hearing somewhat gave you a hint that they were being joyous about something. 

“Did I miss something?” 

“DJ you won't believe what has happened.” Taehyung pulls you right into the middle of the room and in extremely close proximity to Namjoon, Who you were sure was the source of the good news because the smile on his face was something different than usual.

You were happy and a little relieved to see the boys joyous, Considering how their hearts had been broken and shattered yesterday.

“What happened?’’

“Well Namjoon is the new head of the circle, And that too starting next week. Can you even believe that?” You were genuinely happy for him, Namjoon truly deserved to be the next head, At Least with him being the decision maker, You could breathe in a sigh of relief some of the old traditions needed to be sent packing. With Namjoon, You were sure he would be doing great.

“Congratulations Namjooon, I am so happy for you.” You see a faint dimple appearing on his cheeks right before you experience another shock, He pulls you right into a hug and mumbles a thank you in your hair, You literally felt every syllable of it.

You lose track of how fast your heart starts beating once the woody scent of his perfume engulfs you in its serenity. You remain in his hold for a second, when you pull yourself out of his hold before you lose yourself.

“It's good to see you guys happy.” The boys visibly tense at your remarks but their expressions remain a little on the softer side. 

“It's not like we have an option.”

“Forget that, I think we should go out for dinner or something, I am still sick from yesterday.”

“And—--

“She doesn't need to know, DJ dress up. We leave in fifteen, Max twenty.”

“Wait—--

“Dress up please” Jimin pushes you towards the stairs and you give up on your effort to ask them about Lily. It was definitely strange the way Namjooon said she didn't need to know.

You stand under the shower thinking about everything again and suddenly an idea lights up your face. Namjoon had one week before he had to begin as the head of the circle, And there was also one week before Bratva and Zakharov arrived in Korea. A party would be the perfect opportunity to introduce the two parties to each other, And it would also be a perfect opportunity to stand by and watch the magic unfold.

You hum a happy song walk out of the shower in your towel and stand in front of the mirror before you can spritz some perfume the door to your room bursts open and Jimin and Jungkook come barreling in, You stand shocked to see the two men rooted to their spots with their eyes open.

You clear your throat and gesture towards the door but it looks like it barely registered with them. 

“Out, The door is right behind you.” You try to speak a little louder, hopeful of getting through to them, And before you know it the guys scramble out of the room. You would have to double-check if you locked your room the next time.

✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽

“I wanted to speak to you guys about something.” The boys pause their talks and divert their attention to you. You glance around before you begin to make sure you have everybody’s attention.

“I want to throw a party–

“For? The way all of us have gotten fooled, For that?” You throw a stern glance at Yoongi who surprisingly stays quiet and motions you to go ahead.

“I want to throw a party for Namjoon. He's the new head of the circle and it's a perfect occasion to celebrate.”

“DJ, That is not really req—-

“I am going to invite Bratva and Zakharov to that party too.”

“I'll help with the guest list.” You are quite surprised with the fact that Yoongi and Hobi said that at once, You feel relieved to have the confirmation, Now you are free to plan the party and Lily’s downfall at the same time.

“I would like to see her face. That lying— Taehyung stops himself from uttering the next word. You could clearly see the pain on his face, But there was very little that you could do.

The dinner passes by in a jiffy, considering the excitement the guys had earlier had died down considerably after you mentioned the party and the special guests. But what had to be done, Had to be done. There was no choice.

✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽

A loud banging on your door jolts you awake, You rush to the door fearing the worst consequences when The six guys excluding Jin come rushing into your room, You stand at the door with your eyes and mouth wide open wondering about the reason for this rushed visit.

“She's here, She here.” Jimin points at the door, And for you, it takes a second to register who she is.

“But why are you hiding?”

“We don't want to face her, Not right now.” The panic in the guy's faces tells you that this is not the time to reason with them. 

“Alright, Let me close the door.” But before you could close the door, Lily comes barging in, and before you could say anything she pulls you in for a hug.

“I have been so worried about you, Where were you, DJ? I was so worried they did something with you.” The grip that she had been tightening on you was suffocating you to no end, Her lies just didn't seem to end.

“She's fine, Don't worry.” Lily looked at Hobi with a shocked expression, It was evident that she didn't expect this reaction out of him. You clear your throat at the intervention and move behind Hobi to keep a safe distance from her. You could totally understand why the boys were running away from her, Only you knew how you were resisting the urge to strangle her right there.

“I am fine Lily, Don't worry. They didn't do anything to me. In fact, I was worried about you.”

You could see an uncomfortable expression surfacing on Lily's face but she hides it like a pro. You look at the guys who keep making weird attempts to avoid her by looking everywhere in the room except Lily herself. 

“Where were you all?”

“We, We have been a little busy.” 

“Yeah, He's right. We were busy, In fact very busy.” Taehyung tries to make it sound as if what he is saying is super important but his attempts just go in vain. The poor guy couldn't lie to save his life.

“Tae, are you trying to lie to me?” 

“Actually they're all really worried about us.” You quickly jump in to save Taehyung and the only way you could do that was by turning the tables.

“Us?”

“We are—?” You throw a stern look at Namjoon, Which ends up working on Yoongi too. You could see he was about to say something. 

“Yeah, So what I was saying was, You know how you were kidnapped? I mean both of us were kidnapped? They're wondering who did it, you know? And what could be the intention behind the kidnapping? “ You feel the same satisfaction when you feel Lily tensing after every question, It has definitely worked.

“You don't need to worry you guys, I am fine. Absolutely fine.” Lily tries stepping back to make an exit, But you step right behind her and block her way. You were not done with her yet.

“Do you remember anything from that day Lily?” You feel Lily tensing up even more, The fun is about to begin.

“I—---

“Try to remember Lily, The guys are really worried about you–

“And you.” 

“Sorry?”

“We were worried about you both, I meant.”

“So Lily, Babe, do you remember anything at all? Try to remember.” Jungkoook steals Lily from you places a hand on her shoulder and begins walking to the other guys. Turn by turn Lily passed around like a little doll, And you could see the way she was feeling deeply uncomfortable. A few minutes into the sweet interrogation, She would be sure to sweat.

“Namjoon, Baby I am not feeling too well. Can you take me home?”

“Actually baby, Jimin and Taehyung will take you home. I have a meeting.” 

“Hyung—

“Take Jungkook with you.”

“Hyung,” It was Jungkook's turn to whine, Lily looked at them with a very confused expression. This probably was the first time when the guys must have been avoiding taking her home. Generally from what you saw, It was actually the opposite.

“Go please.” Namjoons stern voice drives the four of them out of the room in a jiffy, You breathe a sigh of relief. The stress that these few minutes had brought was immense. 

“Close the door please.” 

“Sure” You close the door with a confused expression, "They were going to be sleeping here too?

“That's my side, Pick somewhere else.” The way Yoongi pushed Hobi, brought a smile on both your and Namjoon's faces. 

“I will sleep here, I mean Sit here.” Namjoon points towards the sofa on your right and you nod in a yes. You take your place on the bed and the rest of them settle on the bed. 

“Where’s Jin?” You ask, Remembering that you had not seen him after dinner.

“He's gone for a drive, He ran away the minute he saw Lily coming. You laugh the way Hobi scowls, You turn off the lights, and the minute your head hits the pillow you feel sleep taking over you in a minute. 

You wake up with some light ruffling on the side, You turn on the lights to see Jin trying to make some space on the bed, The way he was mumbling something clearly indicated that he was drunk. There were multiple bedrooms in the house and all these men could find was your room.

“Jin–

Your eyes widen when Jin stumbles to your side and kisses the top of your head. Good night, It takes him a few stumbles to reach back to the spot he made for himself. He sleeps on his stomach and passes out faster than a second.

You take a look at Namjoon who was fast asleep, But in an awkward position. You quickly bring the spare pillow adjust his head and decide to go back to sleep. It was indeed a long night.

You had enough time for planning a party, You started with the major things by scheduling details for Bratva’s travel. They had agreed to be in Korea the following week. The guys keep staying at your place and absolutely refuse to return to their homes. Lily without a doubt kept herself occupied, Your guess was probably she was trying to figure out the whereabouts of her boyfriend.

The boys kept waiting for the day when Lily and the special guests would arrive. You kept yourself busy with your work, Party arrangements, and some last-minute deliveries. 

The guys kept hovering around you for one reason or the other, From receiving zero attention from them to having their attention on yourself was overwhelming, to say the least, And you definitely had a problem with the fact that the attention doubled in front of Lily, It sometimes looked like they were doing it on purpose. But you avoided saying anything to them because given what was going on from the past couple of days, You didn't want to create any more drama. 

You tried keeping yourself as away as you could from the cold war that was happening, Lily sometimes tried to stay over and it would end up with everyone in your room.

You decided to ignore everything for the time being, Your sole focus was making the party a huge hit, One for establishing a good image for Namjoon, And mainly was the grand reveal.

The only good thing that kept you sane was your calls with Marco and Jeh. Though Jeh was still unconscious you still made it a point to talk to him at least thrice a day. Marco made sure he let you vent your heart out, You had no idea how you could ever thank god for these two. 

While it was long back that Marco and Jeh had been in Malaga, all of that felt like it was yesterday.

✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽

You walked around the hall greeting and speaking to guests with Namjoon, You had felt weird that Namjoon had asked you to be at his side at all times. You didn't say anything considering that it was a big day for him today. 

Lily kept greeting the other guests alone, you were sure it might have raised eyebrows but that was not something you were going to bother yourself with. You kept looking at your phone to check if Bratva and Zakharov had landed, You received a text message indicating that they had arrived safely, You felt your nerves starting to explode, The excitement, anxiety, and stress of everything had you gulping down flutes of champagne.

“You okay?” Namjoon asked as you finished your flute, You looked at him once and once at the door. There still wasn't any sign of the arrival of the guests.

“It's just the nerves.”

“Don't worry everything will be fine.” Namjoon holds your hand in a tight grip and that somewhat soothes the anxiety inside you.

You keep greeting the guests as they come, and when the beep sounds on your phone you breathe a sigh of relief, Bratva and Zakharov were here, And so were Mikhail and Borris. You had gotten both of them intentionally there, That was a twist you decided to throw in at the last minute. This was going to be epic.

Mikhail was obviously still in bad shape but you had made sure that he had been accommodated well in a wheelchair, And he was kept conscious deliberately to see how bad he had failed.

You kept doing rounds and once you were sure that all the invited people had arrived, You checked your phone for the latest update, And you saw a message from Jin. He had already taken Bratva and Zakharov with them backstage, Mikhail and Borris would be making a grand appearance with them.

The guys made sure Lily was with them once Bratva arrived, And turn by turn the guys wished you and Namjoon good luck.

You walk with Namjoon on the stage and take the mic to greet everyone, You and Namjoon keep arguing over who would introduce the special guests, But Namjoon ends up winning because apparently his vote came with seven other votes that refused to listen to anything. 

You saw the crowd waiting with a smile, It was finally happening. The nerves had calmed down considerably and you were more than okay to witness the spectacle.

“Hello Everyone! Thank You so much for attending today’s party, I am sure each one of you knows how much it means to us. It sure is a big day for Namjoon, Who is about to begin a wonderful tenure as the head of our circle. It is my greatest pleasure to be greeting you all and also host this special occasion. “ you ended the short note with a formal address to the crowd. You handed the mic to Namjoon who thanked everyone who attended the party. He held your hand when he was about to finish his speech, Indicating it was time.

“Now Ladies And Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to our very special guests who have arrived here from Russia specially on our invitation. Please give it up for our very dear Bratva and Vladimir Zakharov and their friends Mikhail and Borris.” 

The color drained from Lily’s face visibly and in a fraction of a second, you saw fear flashing on her face. You and Namjoon walked down from the dice, Yoongi and Hobi made sure that there was no way Lily escaped from their grip, Even though she tried hard to make excuses they didn't budge saying they had to introduce her to the special guests.

“Bratva, this is the other members of Bangtan, This is Yoongi, Taehyung, Hobi, Jimin, Jungkook, Jin and this is the most special member of the group, Lily.” The guys one by one exchanged pleasantries with Bratva and Zakharov, While Lily tried to maintain her composure the sweat on her forehead and the constant effort to free her hand from Yoongi said otherwise. Her expression changed drastically after Zakharov turned to her and took her other hand to place a kiss on the back of her hand.

“Hello Ms.Lily, Or should I say My wife?”

[tootiecakes234]

Part 2

Warnings: cheating Katsuki (not on you tho, but with you, eventual smut next part)

Bakugo’s POV

" I'm not going anywhere with you. You're an asshole. All I've done since meeting you was try to be your friend but you seem to hate my guts." she was trying to speak calmly but the more she spoke the more pissed off she sounded.

"I don't hate you. Its just..." I tried explaining but there was no way for me to explain without sounding like a lunatic.

"Just what?? You know what, it doesn't matter. Its cold as shit out here and I don't want to fight with you. Please leave." She spoke to me but she was looking right past me.

"You're right. It is fucking freezing. Let me in and we can have a conversation like adults."

Oh that did it. She went from nonchalant to pissed.

"OH!! So now you want to talk like adults. Ive known you for months now and the entire time you've treated me like shit for NO! FUCKING! REASON!"

Her hands were moving and her brows were furrowed. She looked like she might actually be able to kill me right now and I should probably be scared or at least on some type of high alert but all I can think about right now is hot she looks when she's mad.

Ive never even seen her really irritated let alone this irate. The way her lips were moving and her tits jiggling because she's talking with her hands.

I was moving. I could feel myself moving but I couldn't register why.

"And another thing, I haven't even do- mmmph"

My lips where on hers and the only thought in my head at that moment was that I couldn't believe her lips were even softer than they looked. They melted right up against mine. She was perfection.

She was shocked at first but before I knew it her lips were moving against mine. My arms slipped around her waist and hers around my neck. She reached one of her hands into my hair and deepened the kiss. She tore a deep groan from my throat that I was surprised came out of me.

We started moving together and stepped inside her doorway. I used my foot to kick the door shut. As soon as the door closed she pushed me up against it.

Fuck, I could feel my dick hardening. Ive never had a girl be forceful with me in the slightest but this feeling, like she wanted me bad enough to take it. My hands started roaming.. everywhere. Everythingabout her was soft and malleable. Fucking amazing.

She ripped her lips away from mine to catch her breath but I wasn't gonna let this moment slip away. I did what I’ve been wanting to since I first laid eyes on her and pressed a kiss to each of those plump cheeks of hers. After that I pulled back as well to breathe. When I looked at her face again she was grinning at me and I laughed because of course she was.

Everything was so perfect... until my phone started ringing.

I was going to ignore it, but the ringtone... I fucking knew that ringtone. I'd set it just for her. I have a habit of not answering which is why I set it up, so I'd never ignore her calls.

Fuck.

"Are you going to get that?? Also what kinda ringtone is that? sorta embarrassing dontcha think?" She was chuckling but I couldn't find the humor in it.

What the fuck had I just done??

Im tagging everyone who commented on Part: @ssplague @thedondiva45 @plutodestr0yedme @sweetblueworm @bakugou-katsukis-wife @hwanin https://www.tumblr.com/neverseenbeforee

Thank you guys for the support. Working on part 3🫡🥰

Part 1

[stxrvel]

something #1

guys, i know ive disappeared and im so sorry:(. ive been having trouble getting inspiration to write, bc there are a lot of things going on in my life right now that really demotivate me, butt today i was able to write this out of the blue and wanted to share it with you guys! so i hope you like this, whatever this is going to be a part of, and hope to see u soon! <3

warnings: an unfriendly and unlikeable reader thats most likely to anger you, bad words and lots of hate, friends to enemies to ?????? 1k words

“Are you supposed to be here at this hour?”

Y/N moved away from the locker where she had stowed her things that morning, blowing the strands of hair that had been left out of her hasty ponytail.

“Are you supposed to be my mom?”

James Barnes, from across the room, scowled at her. Y/N returned the gesture, watching him out of the corner of her eye move to the other end of her position to do God knows what.

It had been at least noon since they had returned from the mission and Y/N hadn't dared cross the shower area near the Complex hangar just to avoid that interaction with Barnes. The weights in the gym, the treadmill and all the objects she could hit were more appealing to her than having an ordinary conversation with another human being.

That's why she had waited hours to go back for her things, some clothes and items she usually left in that area to use after missions, but just that day they weren't needed because the frustration was bigger and the anger was eating her alive.

Especially the anger she felt against Barnes in those moments.

“And can you stop taking over the gym? There are recruits who have to train, but you scare them away with that dead face,” Barnes spoke again with his back to her, and Y/N had to resist the physical urge to throw the thermos in her hands at him.

“It's not my fault you train wimps.”

“They're not wimps,” Barnes turned away, sincerely offended. “You actively yell at them to go away.”

“They're my training hours, what do you want me to do? Be kind and let them pass?”

Barnes averted his gaze, slamming his locker with his black backpack over his shoulder, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe he was having this discussion with her.

“Is it even healthy for you to train so many hours in a row?”

Y/N pushed the small locker door as well, the sound of the impact silencing any thoughts of the two of them in the room. “Why the fuck do you care?”

“God,” Barnes raised his head, his face regretful that he'd prompted the conversation in the first place when he could have let it die. “You're impossible to talk to.”

“Then don't fucking do it.”

Their gazes met, each at either end of the room, Y/N closer to steaming out the door.

“You should've stayed with your fucking recruits instead of coming to shit all over my mission,” she couldn't help but spit out what had been rattling around in her head for hours, completely ignoring the grimace beginning to form on Barnes' face and grabbing the doorknob to get out of that cramped space as quickly as possible.

The led lights in the hallway blinded her for a moment, walking in a straight line down the path she already knew by heart to the rooms. Not all Avengers lived in the Complex, but Y/N preferred that to having to constantly run into Barnes in the Tower.

“Hey!” she heard the voice of the aforementioned, but only quickened her pace noticing the hurried pace his own were taking. “Is this all about the mission?”

Y/N stopped her steps in the middle of the hallway, near the stairs, where some agents were walking with dozens of papers in their hands and watching them out of the corner of their eyes. They already knew the routine. They all knew it.

“What, you think that's not enough?”

She turned, with that impossible-to-read expression they'd all grown accustomed to by now. She knew Barnes wanted to believe he could still read through her mask, but he could try to convince himself with fake words all he wanted, because that would never be the case again.

“It was mission impossible, Y/N. Steve agreed,” Barnes paused in front of her, barely casting a vague glance at the people passing them by. His right hand held the strap of the black suitcase so tightly that his veins bulged. Y/N barely snorted at his words.

“Just because you beat me by a majority doesn't mean you're right.”

“So the right thing to do was to go into the lion's den?”

“The right thing was to finish what we went to do, Barnes.”

“The right thing was to get out alive,” he determined, raising his voice. Y/N noticed his eyes red from the closeness they had adopted in the face of the heated discussion, and the faint thought crossed her mind that Barnes wasn't really doing anything productive to have run into her at that precise moment in the gym. She almost broke her expression to slap him.

“If you had followed my plan to the letter, we would've gotten that thing and gotten out alive. Do you really have a hard time accepting that my plan was a good one?”

“I have a hard time believing we would have made it out alive. There were too many of them. You saw them!”

“You know what? It makes sense that you have a bunch of stupid recruits. Like father, like son,” Y/N knew she was touching on a sore point, because one thing Barnes prided himself most on was having his own team look up to him as a role model after all he'd been through, but she'd stopped caring about such things quite some time ago.

“Y/N…” Barnes lowered his voice, taking a deep breath and looking at her through his eyelashes.

“If you show them your way, they're not going to survive a day in the field.”

“That's what you think.”

“That's what I know, because this job is who I am. Stop living like you're made of glass,” she looked him up and down one last time, his face contracting in an emotion she wouldn't allow herself to feel anymore. The memories that surfaced that melancholy face almost made her vomit in the middle of the hallway.

Maybe there was a time when Y/N thought she could have a good friendship with him; a time when he would've thought she could become a good friend. But none of those moments lasted long, rushing away like a shooting star, disappearing into space like smoke.

“We made the right decision,” Barnes wasn't going to budge and he was going to have the last word and she knew it because she just knew him so well. She almost laughed in his face at how predictable he had become. Emotions really did make people weak, and in this job that was a very big danger.

“Keep convincing yourself of that and you're going to end up dead.”

Y/N paced before Barnes could answer her, a bitter feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. She knew he would follow her with his eyes so she tried to pick up her pace without looking too much like she was trying to flee from his sight. It was torture to be around him after all.

[arinbelle]

Inevitable - Part I

A/N: The way that I am tired. I started this fic for @simpingfornestaarcheron way back in 2022. And it took me so long to get it here. We both wanted more of the mating frenzy that they allude to in the books and while the Solstice scene was beautiful, it just wasn’t enough. I wanted more. She wanted more. So, this one’s for you Beawulf.

Summary: Nesta and Cassian mated on the night of Winter Solstice. But before they could mate properly, Cassian left soon after, leaving Nesta reeling and Cassian wanting more. When they mate under an official ceremony, with ancient magic, that mating call is renewed, and Nesta and Cassian are going to be in a frenzy. I.e. I wrote 20k fic full of smut.

Part I  | Part II  | Part III  | Part IV

~*~

Cassian was no stranger to beauty. 

He’d been alive for a very long time and a direct impact from that was the ability to experience a vast and ever changing world, where beauty could always be found.

He’d visited springs and mountains, explored new cities and ancient villages, some still standing today and others having crumbled away long ago. All had encompassed beauty of some sort, all of which Cassian could still recall to this day.

He’d met so many people in his life. Some were only beautiful on the outside and what lay underneath had been deceptively ugly. Others were pure from within, and the outside reflected. He’d had many lovers throughout his life, males and females of astounding beauty that he would also never forget, nor was he trying to. 

Yet, even then, Cassian knew that the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life, the most beautiful that he would ever see in his life, was Nesta Archeron.

From the moment they’d met, the moment her eyes had slashed into his own, slashed into his heart, he’d known his world would never be the same. The world had faded away from around them, and all that lay at the center was her.

Nesta, Nesta, Nesta.

The wind had sighed her name incessantly around him, chattering presumptuously, as if he were some lovesick fool who would propose eternity together the minute she let him into her heart.

Of course, he was. He was that fool although he may never admit that aloud. Maybe to Nesta but only if she promised to keep it to herself. Which she wouldn’t, of course. And then he’d never hear the end of it from Gwyn or Emerie and worst of all, his brothers.

Nesta had taken his breath away the moment he’d looked at her all those years ago, angry and vicious, almost snarling with Fae contempt even when she was still delicately human.

Now it was her smile, soft and almost invisible, that took the breath straight out of his lungs and refused to give it back. Fitting, of course, since she’d stolen his heart too and would likely never let it be his own ever again. He’d never be alone again, and the thought was almost too consuming to ignore. He felt the tears well up in his eyes as she took the last step towards him, as Feyre and Elain each took her hand and placed it in his. 

“Are you crying, General?,” she whispered softly between them as he pulled her up to the dais, a wicked, knowing grin beginning to overtake her face.

Cassian forced a grimace, blinking furiously as they settled and faced the priest. “Of course not. You know I have allergies. And you still let Rhys bring an entire garden into this place.”

Nesta rolled her eyes but didn’t respond. The only sign he had that he’d been caught was the press of her lips as she held in her laughter.

Cassian didn’t remember much of what the priestess was saying, only hearing when to turn and face Nesta, when to lift his hand to be tied by the ribbon, to lift the wine to her lips. All he could think of in those first few moments was her scent, her own mixed with whatever fragrance had likely been forcefully sprayed onto her by Mor. And her dress…

Cassian hadn’t been able to stop sneaking glances at it every time the priestess looked down at her prayer book. He’d expected a white dress, more conservative than what Fae fashion ever opted for, and essentially everything but what Nesta arrived in.

The dress was red. 

Somehow, in some way, it was the exact red of his Siphons, all of which he’d kept on top of his Night Court garb, even against Mor’s insistence. Nesta had asked him to keep them on weeks ago, and he hadn’t questioned it until he’d seen the dress. Feyre had remarked offhandedly once that she planned to paint the pair and the view of them standing at the dais together as they were mated. Now he understood just how beautiful it would look on canvas.

Cassian in black courtly finery, gilded with silver threads and buttons, embellished only by the ruby from his Siphons, would serve as a striking contrast to the brightness of Nesta’s ruby dress, setting off a light against her skin that seemed to make her glow. 

Lady Death swathed in bloodred with her dark Lord of Bloodshed beside her. 

He’d always hated the title and how it had grated on his nerves each time he heard it. But today, in that moment, it seemed to fit perfectly.

They said their vows, reciting them after the priestess, and made their agreements to the mating. Nesta had smiled so joyfully, so freely as she’d said “I do,” that any thought of hesitation, any worry that she didn’t want this completely left his mind.

The priestess made some more prayers in an Ancient Language that he could only partly understand, with Nesta looking wholly lost, and then it was done. The priestess declared it so and took her step back.

This was the only part he knew he would have down perfectly. Nesta seemed to know the train of his thoughts and he heard a soft scoff leave her, even as she took a step forward, matching him.

“Nes…,” he started, already grinning.

Nesta rolled her eyes. “Bat.” 

Then she reached up with her free hand to pull his face down, rising up on her toes as she sealed his mouth to his in a kiss that Cassian could feel in his soul. In the thread that tied them together from within. 

His. She was his.

Cassian deepened the kiss, pulling her even closer, and Nesta welcomed it. It was only cheers and whistles behind that had Nesta pulling away from him. A slight blush stained her cheeks and he knew it was from the bold display, so different from how they often interacted in public. He smiled knowingly as she turned away from him, rolling her eyes. 

Emerie had screamed her congratulations when they’d come across her and Nesta had been temporarily whisked away as the pair spoke in excited whispers. He knew Gwyn had tried her best to muster the courage to come and for that alone, he was immensely proud of her. 

Azriel had clapped him on the shoulders before enveloping him in a rib crushing hug. Rhys had joined in soon after. Azriel had placed a kiss on Nesta’s cheek before hugging her as well, murmuring something in her ear that had made her laugh joyously. Cassian had reveled in the sound, in the life and true happiness it signified for her. 

It took what felt like ages to make their way down the aisles and greet their various guests, accepting their many blessings and congratulations. Cassian noted that the blush he’d caused from kissing Nesta so boldly had not faded through it all. It sent a ripple of satisfaction through him to see it. 

It was only when they made their way back to their seats, a table set up now where the priestess had confirmed their bonding ritual, that Cassian had a chance to speak to Nesta.

Making sure everyone else was milling around conversing, busy with filling up their plates with the rich variety of foods Rhys had bought, or finding their seats, Cassian leaned closer to Nesta. Holding the hand ribboned to his own tighter, he dragged the back of his free hand down her cheek.

“The things I’m going to do to you Nesta Archeron…this blush is going to pale in comparison then.”

Nesta flushed again and pushed away from him, shaking her head.

“Lech,” she admonished sharply, but he could feel the faint amusement in her voice. “There are people here. Children,” she pointed out, nodding at some younglings running around with sparklers. 

“Everyone is too busy getting food. They’re not paying attention to you,” Cassian dismissed. Then, just because he wanted to incite another reaction out of her, he leaned close and whispered in her ear, “Not the way I’m going to the minute we’re out of here.”

Nesta pursed her lips but he could see it all too well. She was trying not to react, not to laugh, and she so badly wanted to.

“Lech,” she remarked again, before pointedly looking away from him. Just in time as Feyre swooped in to check on them and Cassian was forced to keep his innuendos to himself.

He let himself get a little creative when they took their first dance, an old Night Court waltz that he hadn’t done in centuries. Nesta glided with ease as he led them through it, and with the orchestra playing loudly enough to drown them out, Cassian took all the liberty he could with whispering filthy musings into Nesta’s ear every few turns. The crowd would only see Nesta laughing every so often as Cassian spoke nondescript words to her, wholesome to their eyes and completely unaware of just how lecherous he could be.

“You’re disgusting,” she whispered, just as the orchestra crescendoed to their end and he dropped her into a low dip, catching her only with a hand on the back of her neck, the other holding her calf up high.

Cassian smirked. “You love it.” Then he lowered his face to kiss her, still holding her in that final, finishing pose. Nesta, to his surprise, kissed him back with just as much fervor and continued doing so even as he pulled her up and set them both upright. The cheers were thunderously loud when they pulled apart and Nesta laughed alongside Cassian before tucking against his chest. Cassian brushed a kiss over her head as he looped a hand around her waist and led them off the center of the stage, welcoming the warm press of her body into his.

Dinner could have dragged on for centuries as far as Cassian was concerned. There were varied courses that Cassian barely ate, performances and acts put on from the various courts that were invited, all of whom Cassian politely watched but barely enjoyed.

All he cared about was getting himself and Nesta out of there and burying himself in her for hours and hours on end. Already he could feel the magic thrumming under his skin. The ancient call to claim, to touch, to taste. 

He had no idea how it worked. No one did. But he knew from the stories that mates, even those who may have consummated the mating privately, would feel that claiming instinct renewed with an official ceremony. Perhaps it was just another way to make sure a youngling was assured sometime in the near future. That was what Rhys had always thought. Some thought it to be the works of the Mother, others preferred to remember different deities.

 The priestess residing over ceremonies could sometimes invoke the boons of fertility and love and a good marriage from the older Goddesses that few still continued to worship. 

Whatever it was, Cassian was itching out of his own skin and he knew it wasn’t going to end for at least a few more hours. 

“What,” Nesta hissed slowly into his ear, “is wrong with you?”

Cassian scratched the back of his neck subtly. “I told you not to put these many flowers here.”

“Bullshit, you took a tonic for the pollen. I saw you. Why are you looking so…feral?”

Feral indeed. That was the only apt enough description for the roiling emotions going through him. That and the sheer instinct that was becoming increasingly more difficult to ignore. Cassian tried not to look at her for too long. He knew if he did it would only worsen things.

“Cassian-“

Cassian growled in frustration. “Nesta if you don’t stop talking to me within the next twenty seconds, I’m going to throw you onto this table and fuck you while everyone watches.” 

Cassian didn’t look but he felt the shock stillness that went through her. Felt rather than saw the interest that he’d sparked. And the arousal. 

While Cassian had honed his self control over centuries of brutal fights that forced him to act with intelligence rather than impulse, everything about Nesta set him off in the wrong direction. Anything she said, anything she did, was enough to wither that self control to a weak, futile impulsivity that had only ever gotten him in trouble. 

Nesta backed away slowly and settled back into her chair. Only for a few moments though before she waved her hand and Feyre suddenly materialized next to them. She’d worn a dark maroon, almost black dress that seemed to writhe around her as she approached Nesta. Cassian didn’t know what was happening between them but he knew they were likely talking mind to mind.

Elain had opted for the same style of dress, only in a pale peach that suited her complexion better than any of the dark colors the rest of the Night Court favored. The three of them had looked every bit sisters though when they’d walked Nesta up to him at the dais and handed her to him. Such care between the three of them now, it was almost impossible to believe how rocky it had been months ago. He knew though that while Nesta and Feyre had become closer after Nyx’s birth, her and Elain now had a tenuous almost strained relationship. 

But he knew they were trying, Nesta was trying again, and he’d support her in however much she needed or didn’t need from him. 

A few minutes later Nesta was getting up, Cassian being pulled up behind her by Feyre.

“What’s happening?,” he asked, almost tripping over his feet as he snuck a look back behind himself at the festivities still going on. “Won’t people wonder where we are?”

Nesta didn’t answer but Feyre snorted, replying, “Please. With the amount of wine that Rhys bought for this ceremony, I’m pretty sure no one even knows why they’re here right now, let alone that you two are leaving. Don’t worry about it.”

Before he could ask again if it was truly alright to skip out on his own mating ceremony, Feyre nabbed his wrist tightly and he felt the familiar pressure of winnowing surround him and push at him. As soon as it had begun it was also over, and the world fell back into place around him just as his feet met ground.

Ground, not stone, because they were no longer in a hall or palace or courtyard in Velaris. No, he’d know this place even blinded, by the feel of the air and the smell of the earth alone.

Nesta walked up to the house, closer than Feyre and Cassian, simply staring with what seemed to be wonder. 

Cassian let her. 

If he wasn’t proud of anything else that he’d accomplished in his life, this house wasn’t one of them. He’d put his blood and sweat into building it, literally at some point, and the years it had taken was worth all the effort in the end.

“What…,” Nesta trailed off.

“Thank you, Feyre,” Cassian murmured, and Feyre squeeze his shoulder in response.

He waved at her as she stepped back from them. She winked at him. "Enjoy yourselves children. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Nesta laughed, waving back right before Feyre winnowed away, leaving them alone in front of the house he hadn’t returned to in months.

Cassian wound his arm around Nesta’s waist and led them to the door. Nesta didn’t ask where they were again, but he knew the question still lingered on the tip of her tongue.

“It’s my home in Illyria. This is where I stay when I’m doing work here.”

Nesta watched him curiously for a moment before looking up at the two stories looming up above them. It was no mansion but it also wasn’t a hovel, or worse, a raggedy tent that could barely withstand the elements. It had been a splurge on his part to buy all the parts, plan out the detailings of the inside of the house and make it something his childhood self would have loved to have had when his life had consisted of only cold winters and barely there meals.

“Cassian,” Nesta spoke gently, pulling him from his memories. Cassian met her gaze, the stormy blue looking electrifying with the darkness surrounding them. She raised a palm to his cheek. “Where did you go?”

Cassian shook his head, discarding the old memories. It wasn’t the time. Now was the time for new memories and new moments, and he wouldn’t mess it up. He procured the heavy key from his pocket, handing it to Nesta.

Nesta’s brows rose in surprise but she took it all the same, inserting it into lock and twisting carefully. Almost as if she were being gentle. Safe.

Cassian pushed the door open and before she could step over the threshold, Cassian reached over and picked her up, carrying her over it.

She began swatting at him almost immediately. “What are you doing? Let me down, bat.”

Cassian laughed as he kicked the door shut behind them. “New brides have to be carried over the threshold. Feyre told me it’s tradition.”

Nesta rolled her eyes but he didn’t miss the fondness in her expression, even as she crossed her arms across her chest. “Human tradition. It’s not your tradition. And it’s silly.”

“But it’s yours, isn’t it?,” he asked gently as he led them deeper through the main living room and the smaller joining parlor. “You deserve to keep some of your human traditions intact. Hell, keep them all if you want. I don’t care.”

Nesta didn’t say anything but he saw the small smile that lit up the corners of her mouth right before she pressed her head closer to his chest. He placed a small kiss at her temple as he adjusted his hold on her and began making his way upstairs.

Cassian had known how difficult it had been for her to give up her human life. Little everyday reminders also didn’t help. In the days after Nesta had told she wanted to be mated, everything had been a flurry of meetings in Illyria regarding the Blood Rite along with meetings with boutiques and caterers for the ceremony. They’d originally planned to do it as soon as possible but a few days had stretched into a week, and a week into three. Cassian had had no idea just how much preparation went into weddings. And it would be a wedding. 

Nesta may have asked for a mating ceremony, but only the week before she’d nearly run away from him terrified of even the word “mate.” She’d told him clear as day that in her world, husband and wife was as good as it got and he’d blown up with anger at her. He’d taken fear as rejection and confusion as regret, neither of which were true when it came to Nesta’s feelings for Cassian. They’d talked it all out eventually. It was needed, he knew that, and when she’d come to him suddenly wanting to call off the ceremony because she worried he didn’t care for her enough, he’d known it was time to clear the air. Even after they’d agreed on what was needed for the future, their future, he knew he needed to do more than just say pretty words. 

So Cassian had sat through every cake tasting and every bridal shop’s color panels. He’d listened to every wish Nesta expressed she wanted to have and made sure it would be done. They’d incorporated details of a traditional human wedding into the Fae customs, making sure the priestess would say a mixture of both Fae and human wedding vows for them. 

It had been three days before their ceremony when Cassian had come from a meeting with Eris in the Spring Court. Nesta had chosen to stay behind that day and use it to relax with Emerie and Gwyn in the House. When he’d returned, neither of the girls were with his mate and he was already on edge from trading verbal blows with Eris. Nesta hadn’t been in their room or her old one, nor in the library. It was only after climbing up the highest levels did he find her sitting on a ledge overlooking Velaris, a thick window separating her from plummeting over.

She’d been crying- the scent of salt and sadness had been thick in the air when he’d found her.

“Sweetheart.”

But she hadn’t looked up at him. Hadn’t even turned around. So he’d done the only other thing he could think of. 

He’d joined her in silence until her tears had dried to what he knew had to be itchy invisible streaks on her cheeks. She had climbed off the ledge and into his lap eventually and after a little more silence, Cassian had taken her down to bed.

Nesta had spoken in a broken whisper into his chest, “There’s no one to give me away.”

“Hmm?,” he’d asked confused, carding his hand lightly through her hair.

Nesta had sniffled. Had pressed deeper into his side before replying. “It’s tradition. Stupid tradition. At our weddings fathers give the bride away. I never thought I’d care about that before but now, he’s just…gone. And he will never see it. He won’t give me away, he won’t see me married. He won’t know you and how wonderful you are. He won’t see our children. None of it.”

Cassian had listened silently, his heart cracking at her admission. He had never thought of it. There was no such tradition for the Fae and even if there was, Cassian had gone a lifetime without his mother. And even though her absence haunted him sometimes, he had lost her young enough to have very few memories of her. Had lost her for long enough so that some things truly didn’t pain him. But for Nesta, whose loss was still so fresh, it shouldn’t have been such a surprise to him that she was still struggling with his absence.

Cassian hadn’t been able to say anything to comfort her. So he had only held her tighter to him as if that alone could hold her together.

The next day he’d made sure to speak to Feyre about it and the sisters had decided to walk Nesta down the aisle together. Nesta had been elated to hear it and he’d breathed a little easier when he saw it.

Nesta began squirming in his arms, pulling him from his memories.

“Put me down Cassian. I’m serious.” She batted a hand uselessly at his chest but Cassian wouldn’t budge.

“I’m serious too, wife,” he replied with a snap of his teeth, “We’re doing this the right way.”

He didn’t miss the blush that dusted her cheeks at his newfound favorite word. He would always see her as his mate first, but for her, the word wife sent Nesta into a panicked, stammering, blushing mess. He never saw her so undone and he loved every minute of it.

It was only when they reached the first floor at the top of the stairs that he set her down softly. Nesta let her arms drop from around his neck slowly, her nails lightly raking along his skin as she pulled away. Cassian swallowed the growl that had threatened to rise to the surface at that innocent touch. Although knowing Nesta, there was absolutely nothing innocent in its intention.

Nesta stared down the hallway for a few breaths before finally turning towards him with a knowing glint in her eye. “Why don’t you give me the tour Commander?”

“How about you all the way down to that bedroom at the end of the hall and make yourself comfortable? It’s the only place you’re going to be in for most of this stay anyways.”

Nesta scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“Bathroom’s just on your left,” he added with a wolfish grin. 

Nesta laughed at that, undoing the ribbon that had bound their hands together up until then. He didn’t mind, didn’t even care, knowing they’d consummated this union in so many ways, so many times by now, it didn’t matter anymore.  

“You know what? Maybe I’ll go take a bath actually. I need to wash all this shine and rouge off. How about you go to the bedroom and make yourself comfortable?”

Before he could reply Nesta took a step closer, brushing her mouth over his. “After all, it’s the only place I’m going to keep you in for most of this stay anyways.”

Cassian laughed long after she’d locked the door to the bathroom on him, and long after he heard the water turn on too.

He made his way down to the lower levels of the house while he waited for her, washing off in a smaller bathing room he kept next to the birchin. The need that had been thrumming under his skin since they’d left their own mating ceremony had only intensified in the last hour. But the more Cassian thought about it, about how long the day had been and how exhausted Nesta had to be, the more he hesitated. He knew that once the magic took effect it would be hard to stop.

It had taken so much willpower the night after Solstice day for him to leave her there in the bed, still naked and smelling like sex and himself. So much willpower and they hadn’t even properly mated to the point of sated exhaustion. He’d avoided that mating frenzy that so often took over couples for weeks, sometimes months on end just by leaving her vicinity.

But he knew that now, especially with an official ceremony, with vows spoken and resided over by a priestess of the very magic that supplied all of Prythian, that mating claim would renew once again. 

And once Cassian had a taste, he wasn’t going to let go quite so easily.

Nesta had just slipped into his bedroom, in a silky, very short, black gown, interrupting all of his musings on the mating bond.

“Is that supposed to cover your ass too? Looks like it’s in Amren’s size.”

Nesta only toweled her damp hair slowly, cocking her head as she looked at him with wicked intent. “If you don’t like it Cassian, I can always just take it off.”

Cassian barked a laugh. She’d be the death of him. “Go ahead, Nes. I like a good show before bed.”

Nesta threw her towel at his head. Cassian ducked, grabbing it and just barely catching her mutter “Pig,” under her breath.

To his delight, Cassian didn’t have to go running after her as Nesta crawled onto the bed, lying down beside him. Cassian looked down at her, at the hair fanning out around her and before he could stop himself he was leaning down to drop a kiss on her lips. 

One kiss became two and two became many, many more. Somehow he’d ended up on top of her, their legs intertwining while Nesta bunched her fingers into his hair and tugged. Cassian took a breath, breaking away.

“Touch me,” she begged, flushed, out of breath. Because he hadn’t been. Because he’d been keeping it clean and simple, something neither of them ever did for very long when it came to sex.

Cassian ran a finger down her neck, past her fluttering pulse, and then lower.

Lower. Her chest heaved under his hand, breasts already pebbled and begging for him to taste, to bite. And Gods above he wanted to do it, to do all of it. But-

“No,” he finally managed to grind out. “You’re tired. It’s been a long day for both of us. I won’t be able to stop if we- don’t look at me like that Nesta. You’re the one that’ll regret it then.”

Nesta blew out a breath. “I don’t care.”

“I do.” He pressed a small, quick kiss to her lips before lifting off of her and getting off of the bed. “Go to sleep Nesta. I’ll still be here tomorrow.”

Before he could change his mind, or worse, Nesta did something to change it for him, Cassian left his bedroom with his mate in it. 

He cursed as she tugged on the bond, hard, and sent him some very clear, very lewd thoughts and emotions on what she wanted from him. What he’d been desperately craving himself. He shut down the connection, ignoring his own rumbling desire pulling under his skin, and pretended he didn’t hear her muttered curses down the hall as he forced himself to fall asleep.

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[auroraescritora]

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME - PERCY/NICO AU HIGH SCHOOL - CHAPTER XVIII

Hi, how are you doing? We're finally back with the English version. I took a break from the Portuguese version because I couldn't connect with my dramatic side, so in the next few days we'll have the English version. I hope you enjoy it.

Before we go any further, I'd like to know who is still interested in this story written in English. It's more work than the Portuguese version. So, if you're still interested, vote below!

CHAPTER I / CHAPTER II / CHAPTER III / CHAPTER IV / CHAPTER V / CHAPTER VI / CHAPTER VII / CHAPTER VIII / CHAPTER IX / CHAPTER X / CHAPTER XI / CHAPTER XII / CHAPTER XIII / CHAPTER XIV / CHAPTER XV / CHAPTER XVI / CHAPTER XVII

If Nico had known, he wouldn't have gotten out of bed that morning. In fact, if he had the power, he would have gone back in time to the exact moment before he fought with Annabeth at the party and done everything differently; he would’ve keep lying to Percy, pretending that everything was fine, even if at the end of the day, it was one less problem he had to deal with. Yes, he was the only one to blame for all this, for not telling what was happening with himself at the right time and for not saying enough at the wrong time. In the end, Percy was only doing what he had asked, but in a way that Nico hadn't anticipated, taking control of the situation when he least expected it. A good example of this was that morning, a Monday like any other. Or so he thought.

Nico didn't know how he hadn't noticed these things before, how much the loneliness had disappeared with Percy's presence and, in turn, the reaction he caused in people. Nico had been back for a week or two, but it seemed like the two years abroad had never happened. People still looked at him and treated him the same way, the prejudice veiled and barely hidden for anyone to see. Was it the color of his skin? Homophobia? Or it was the fact that Percy once again ignored anyone when he was around? Was a weight Nico couldn't remember feeling before. It wasn't like he could help it or had any inclination to do so, because that morning Nico had woken up the way he had always imagined impossible, with lingering kisses and caresses that made him sigh. With tight hugs that warmed his soul and made him feel safe. Of course, all this came to a halt when they had to get out of bed and go to school and face the cruel world of teenagers. 

He barely noticed the silence around them until Nico walked in with Percy for the first lesson of the day. He only understood what was happening when he saw Annabeth at the back of the class, surrounded by a group of people. 

"Don't mind her, okay?" Percy said and brought Nico's hand to his lips.

Then, everything made sense. They were holding hands, walking around the school without a care in the world. Nico bet Annabeth was doing her best to spread the latest gossip; the popular basketball player was sleeping with the newly transferred boy, even though he was sure most people remembered him.

Nico didn't have much more time to think about what people were whispering. Percy pulled him to the other side of the room and sat with him in one of the corner desks, perfectly away and protected from curious eyes. He wished he could say he hadn't been able to concentrate in class, when in fact it was the opposite; the whispers became background noise and the next thing Nico knew, another school day was drawing to a close, Nico seeing himself in the reflection of the car window, watching the avenue full of trees and stores, the bustling commerce at that time of day.

"Are you okay?" Percy asked beside him, placing a hand on his leg as he drove towards their house, or rather, towards the Jacksons' house. 

"I think so. Can we stop by my house? I wanted to get my things.”

"What's wrong? My clothes not enough?" 

Percy was joking, of course. He couldn't go on wearing the shirts that kept slipping off his shoulders or his old clothes, even if they were in very good condition.

"Per.”

"It's all right. I'll do anything for my baby." Percy flashed him a huge smile, as if he'd just told him the best joke in the world, and Nico decided to ignore it. 

Every time he said he wasn't a baby, something happened to show how right Percy was. Staying quiet, Nico put his hands over Percy's hand and held them, intertwining their fingers.

"We're almost there. Do you want me to get it or you do it?"

It was a good question. Nico didn't want to find Hades inside the house, but it had been days since he had talked to Bianca.

"Will you come with me?"

"Of course. Whatever you need." 

So, after a few minutes, Percy parked the car in front of the house and they both stopped at the door, the doorman letting him through as soon as he recognized him. Nico didn't even try to greet the man, all he wanted was to get his things as quickly as possible and talk to Bianca if she was home. Imagine his surprise when he saw his father in the living room, sitting on the couch while reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee.

"Nico, what a surprise. I thought you'd forgotten where your home is.”

"That's funny." Nico replied. He didn't even bother to see his father's reaction, and looking ahead, made his way up the stairs. "I thought I didn't have a father."

"Boy! Come back here right now!”

Of course, it wasn't like he would obey a complete stranger. Nico kept on walking calmly, and even though he overheard Percy exchanging a few words with Hades, it didn't shake him. It was something common between them. Soon Percy was at his side again, offering him a smile and a friendly shoulder. Honestly? Nico didn't care. He cared less and less. He already had a family, and wasn't an irresponsible man who would make him feel guilty for ignoring someone who should be the first to support him. 

Without making too much of a mess, Nico picked up his suitcases, his personal belongings and some boxes that had just arrived from Italy, and walked around the room, making sure he had everything.

"Is that all?" Percy asked him, looking sad.

"The rest is in Verona. I didn't know how long I'd be here.”

"What does that mean?”

Nico shrugged and checked under the bed.

"I thought you'd be dating someone. Getting ready to get married, you know? I thought I'd come back to finish school and apologize. And then... I guess go back to Italy to help my nona.”

"Really? I mean so little to you?" Percy looked hurt, but that wasn't the point.

"I didn't expect all of this.”

Nico decided to face Percy when the silence stretched longer than usual.

"I always forget what I did to you.” Percy said.

No, Nico refused to get into this argument again. He refused.

"I mean..." Nico said, trying to change the subject. "You knew where I was.”

"I did." Percy agreed. "I was planning to go after you. After I graduated.”

"Hm." Nico muttered without knowing what to say. That was a good thing, right?

"I wanted to give you time to... live.”

"I don't think I understand.”

"I didn't want you to live wondering what could have happened without my shadow hanging over you. I know that's stronger than both of us.”

When Percy talked like that, it sounded as if they had no choice, as if they had no free will. Maybe it was. Because if Percy had shown up at his door, he would have dropped everything and said yes to anything Percy suggested.

"Sorry, I didn't want to talk about it again. Let's go, okay?" Percy said and kissed his cheek, trying to smile, before picking up the suitcases and one of the boxes, leaving him to carry the lighter items. 

They went down the stairs and there was Hades blocking the way. Luckily, Bianca was there too, she took some things from his hand and tried to smile at him, just like Percy had done, trying to comfort him.

"Nico, we need to talk." Hades said, still blocking the exit door.

"Now you want to talk? What would you have to tell me?”

"We need to talk about your future.”

"Future? As long as it's away from you, I accept it.”

"I'm your father. You owe me respect!”

"What respect?”

"Nico, please." Bianca stepped between them and, pleading with her eyes, kept talking: "Could you listen to what he has to say?”

"I'm sorry." Nico said, not feeling guilty at all. "I don't want to know about his plans for me. It's your responsibility now.”

"I know we wronged you and--"

"Wronged me?" Nico shook his head, refusing to believe it. "I love you, Bia. I really do. But I have nothing to do with the Di Angelo family. He's your father much more than mine. Enjoy it.”

"Niccolas. Obey me this instant!" Hades' voice boomed through the room, deep and hoarse, like thunder. Maybe this had terrified him a few years ago, now all he felt was a deep anger.

"What are you going to do? Hit me? Isn't that your favorite way of dealing with disobedient little boys?”

The following scene became quite a spectacle in Nico's eyes. Bianca went pale as a sheet of paper, Hades got even angrier, but the most interesting reaction was to see Percy freeze like the most perfect Greek statue. Would this be another layer of guilt for Percy to “ not try to talk to him about?”

"It's okay. Go ahead." Nico said when no one else dared to say a word. "Make sure you leave at least one mark, so it's easier to hand over as evidence to the authorities. What do you think of that?”

"You wouldn't have the nerve.”

"No? Then try your luck." And yet, when Hades didn't move away from the door, Nico was forced to continue: "Are you going to force me or are you going to get out of the way?”

"You damn--"

"Nico, leave it to me. I'll take care of this." Percy said beside him, reminding him that his boyfriend was still there. It was strange. Usually these things happened when there were no witnesses.

That was it!

"You don't have to. I know Hades will make the right decision, won't he? Especially with two witnesses present?

Nico then turned to Hades and waited. Hades might be irresponsible and violent, but he wasn't stupid. 

Still fuming with anger, Hades walked away from the door, but not before saying:

"What are you going to do? Live the rest of your life on other people's money? Begging for attention?"

"What I do is none of your business. Soon you won't have any power over me or what belongs to my mother. Say goodbye to your fortune, dear Papa.”

With that, Nico turned his back on Hades and walked out the door, never to return. He would make Hades pay for everything he had done and make him return every penny that had been taken from his mother.

***

Nico felt lucky. Really.

They got his things into the car in time for Bianca to say she would call him, enough time for Percy to close the car doors and to drive away from that house. Now, why did he feel lucky? Well, he was lucky that Percy waited until they got home to hug and try to comfort him. The funny thing is, he didn't need to be comforted. This time, all Nico wanted was to hit something to see if it would take the tension out of his shoulders. What did he do? He let himself be comforted anyway. He let Percy hug him tightly, he let Percy stroke his hair in that way that made his hair stand on end, and he let Percy kiss him for a long time.

"I didn't know. I never-- why didn't you tell me?”

"I knew you'd do something stupid.”

"He hit you! And I... I did the same!”

"I wouldn't say that. Hades has never been so talented at making me cum.”

"Nico!”

"Sorry! " He ended up laughing, feeling some of the tension leave his body. "I didn't want to be sent away because of him.”

"I'm so sorry.” Percy said, holding him even tighter. “You had to go through all of that and I never suspected. All makes sense now. You didn't like going home and avoided Hades at all costs.

"I didn't want to worry you.”

"Don't say that. Hades will never see you again. That's a promise.”

"What are you going to do?”

"Do you trust me?”

How could he not when Percy looked at him so seriously and with those intense green eyes?

"I do. You know that.”

"I’ll take care of you. And this time, I’ll make sure those people pay for what they did.”

And again, Nico thought about objecting. But if Percy wanted to, who was he to deny it? Nico knew he shouldn't like being put on a pedestal or being protected as if he were made of glass. The real problem was that he liked it, loved seeing the sense of possession that emanated from Percy. Was it even a problem when he allowed it to happen and even consented to Percy's actions? 

Tired of hesitating, Nico just agreed, letting Percy keep on with the kissing and the cuddling. The best part was when Sally arrived from work with Grover and Tyson. He snuggled against Percy's chest and allowed himself to enjoy the moment, watching the Jackson family's reaction. Well, seeing his family's reaction, because they were the ones who had offered him a home when he thought he had nothing. But, seeing them go from surprised to furious in less than two minutes was shamefully satisfying. It was something that warmed his soul and stroked his sense of revenge. Why try to fight his nature when he could have everything he wanted? In the end, Nico heard a lot of “I'm sorry” and “we'll take care of everything”, ending with “you're safe with us”.

Nico also knew that they weren't just saying that to comfort him, but seeing their faces full of affection and a sense of justice made something inside him calm down, a huge satisfaction bubbling out of him in the form of a smile. That shouldn't be too common, right? To start laughing when they showed so much concern? The truth was that Nico already felt vindicated just by the fact that someone knew what kind of person Hades Di Angelo really was.

"Thank you." He ended up saying when the family hugged him together, Sally almost crying while Grover and Tyson had a serious, neutral expression on their faces, reminding him of when Percy was trying to control himself so as not to destroy whatever he saw along the way; Percy might be the family member who showed his emotions the most, but behind the innocent and kind face it was Tyson who acted first.

Any thoghts? Thanks for reading!

[curator-on-ao3]

Hi! How's you? Lord's Grace, I'm fine.

Just wanted to ask, what are the standout moments from both the seasons about, for, in, about Pike and Una? Ones that you remember or half-remember but they feel like they're the defining moments about them, or reveal something about them or just moments where they're together and we simply enjoy them, moments you'd love to write more fics about.

:') Lord Bless! Have a lovely more lovely even more lovely day

I’m glad you’re doing well. ❤️ Thank you for asking — this was fun to consider!

I understand the boundaries of your question, but I’m gonna color outside the lines a little bit to say that it starts for me in The Cage when Pike is so considerate of Number One’s feelings that he apologizes for the reasonable choice not to put her on the landing party. Then, on Talos IV, they work together so cleanly, handling the same equipment and picking up on each other’s ideas and plans. Yes, the episode kicks off the ship in the obvious way of revealing that Number One fantasizes about Pike. Yet the episode also makes clear why — a closeness and camaraderie that’s evident from the start. (And at the end. Colt asking who would have been Eve and Number One shutting Colt down, then Boyce pressing the question and Pike shutting Boyce down. Meanwhile there’s me ignoring the Lilith story to shout: “Her name is literally ‘Number One,’ y’all. Who else would be Eve?”)

Then we get to Discovery and she appears before him in a shimmer of transporter beam and the camaraderie, the understanding, the care for each other — it’s all still there. He teases her about her food and drink order. She teases him right back. She knows his orders before he gives them. He trusts her completely. It’s so lovely and comfortable and real-feeling.

There’s more in the Short Treks (Number One freaking out when Spock notes her “most careful study of the captain,” etc.), but let’s get to the heart of your question.

Strange New Worlds took the care, the camaraderie, the understanding, and deepened all that even more, made it so Chris has never served on a non-redacted ship without her, made it so they’ve known each other most of their lives, made it so we see them talk about life and duty and journeys whether in his quarters or the ready room, it doesn’t matter because the comfort they have with each other transcends location. Both times she even mentions resigning, he says absolutely not. Twice, he holds her service record in his hands and rushes off to do what he can to save her from a dangerous situation. And, as we all know, Mr. “He Views Resorting to Force as an Admission of Failure” (per Number One in Q&A) gets violent when Starfleet arrests her and is about take her away from him.

So, in terms of truly answering your question (finally), I love how, in the premiere, the second Chris walks in to rescue Una from Kiley 279 that she starts teasing him, he instantly teases back, and she knew damn well that he would come and rescue her even though he wasn’t technically on duty. I also love little things like how when he’s helping her get around despite her injured leg that there’s no self-consciousness in touching (even in underboob territory) because they’ve served together in close proximity for ages so why would they be self-conscious?

Which takes us to Children of the Comet and more talking and domesticity (yes, I can fully believe that dishwashers are a lost technology since that means I can watch them do dishes together) and sharing hard truths in his quarters. There are layers at the dinner party, stories and him teasing her in front of other people for everyone to be able to laugh together … and her deep care for his feelings when he’s not laughing at all.

Clearly, I could keep going for season one:

Ghosts of Illyria when he subtly checks in on her feelings at the beginning, then she’s so worried about him on the surface, and finally his stalwart support for her in the ready room.

Memento Mori when he asks how she’s doing — and the way he asks in the midst of a crisis with softness in his voice.

Serene Squall with the casual intimacy of her helping him put on his gear, then their history together and understanding via the Alpha Braga IV reminisce.

Quality of Mercy when she chases after him even though he put her in charge of the meeting, then his reaction to her being missing in the future, him trying to figure out what happened to her, him standing by the command chair when he finally sees her again, and, of course, as mentioned before, his reaction to her being taken away.

And I could keep going for season two:

Ad Astra Per Aspera, like, all of it but especially when he speaks of the loss it would be to him if she left, the fact that he’s an adult who suffered from asthma as a child yet he risks asphyxiation to help her, the picture of them both that she keeps in her quarters, everything about The Hug™️, and so much more.

Charades with the There Was Only One Couch scene and, earlier, the “🎶 first contact get down, get down, first contact get down” look on the bridge.

Those Old Scientists having them both like the communicator better than a commbadge — and getting how Pike and Una visually check in which each other so much than even their cartoons do it.

Subspace Rhapsody letting them kiss (I always say I will send a bouquet of flowers to the editor who put that in the show).

Under the Cloak of War showing him listening to her and trusting her where her talents exceed his.

I’m leaving things out that I’ll remember as soon as I hit post.

There are vibes and glances. There is body language. (🎶 There were moments of gold/ And there were flashes of light/ There were things I'd never do again/ But then they'd always seemed right.) There’s a certain groundedness that lets me believe these two truly know each other.

And, for all of that, I am grateful.

Fun fact: This is my first post in which I hit the image limit and couldn’t add more. Even after I combined some. Whoo-hoo! Also, I apologize for not sourcing the gifs. I had them saved and Tumblr gif search is a nightmare.

Edit: I remembered one of the many things I’m sure I’m leaving out: their conversation in The Broken Circle. The mutual concern, the lived-in feeling of their talk, the vibe that this was far from their first conversation since everything went down. I loved it all.

[doiesfav]

⇢ ˗ˏˋPoison - Haechan ||

“you are just like poison”

Spin-off from My Youth

Plot: After you left your city Donghyuck tries to ignore the fact that you aren't with him anymore but it annoys him a lot and tries to find a way to be with you.

Genre: angst, fiction, short story

Contains: hyuck misses you a lot, but a lot means a damn lot, cuss words, overworking :(

Wc -> 2,4k

A/n: This spin-off is about how Haechan lived while you were gone so is kinda a side story but hope you guys enjoy it♡♡ (and sorry if this is a bit confusing I didnt know how to tell this story TT) Also happy 1 month anniversary for me🥳 thanks for all the support ive been getting in one month is really wholesome🫶

For better reading experience -> My Youth

MASTERLIST

banners and dividers are self made

[1st of September, 23:53]

''Sorry Donghyuck, find someone better than me, I'll miss you'' You said before hanging up while you were on your way to the airport. Tears fell out of your eyes and your face turned red, it was heartbreaking for both of you but had to accept it to pursue your dreams. After a few hours, you were walking toward the gate hoping that someone would show up to wave a last goodbye to you but there wasn't until you recognized a familiar figure. It was Mark but there was someone else, Donghyuck.

Why would he show up after you just broke up with him? And before you could realize it, he was hugging you with all his strength but without making you feel uncomfortable, you could feel his tears all over your shoulder. ''Can you just stay with me forever'' You were speechless, no words would come out of your mouth. ''Donghyuck, let her go, her plane is leaving'' That's when you finally saw Mark, his face was weird or maybe it was an unknown expression you didn't know but you could feel him avoiding the situation. Was he hiding something? ''Donghyuck, what kind of boyfriend won't let go of his girlfriend who's about to start a new life'' you asked trying to separate from him, ''me, that's me, I don't want you to leave me believe it or not'' Everyone could tell he was heartbroken, his voice was cracking and his tears were dunking my shirt.

''Donghyuck, let, her, go'' Mark said which surprised us, he wasn't that typical serious guy but this was new. He sounded angry and annoying, you could see some almost invisible tears falling down his cheek. Donghyuck finally let you go but before you turned he grabbed your cheeks with both of his hands and pulled you close, ''If this is our last kiss I'll make you regret going thru that gate'' and both of your lips were together, this kiss was indeed a very passionately one, like if he wouldn't be able to see you again, well, kind off. Your lips were soft but dangerously addicting, it was like poison and the more he leaned to kiss you the more he knew he was gonna suffer. You pushed him back and said waved goodbye to Mark who was clearly awkward and before finally going you whispered Donghyuck, ''Just remember that I will always love you Hyuck'' and you left.

That moment was one of Donghyuck's nightmares, the immediately thought of you never coming back was tormenting him, you were his first everything and you two were inseparable. ''Donghyuck, let's go'' but he just followed him in silence. They both sat down in the car and Donghyuck leaned to the window to watch the views of the city or to think about you, but it was clear what he was doing. The ride back home was awkward and quiet, very quiet. The heartbroken dude would normally blast some music or talk about anything, but not this time. Everyone could see how your leaving was affecting him a lot more than you thought, wouldn't a boyfriend support his lover's decision? But Donghyuck was childish and still wanted whatever he wished for not this time, he couldn't.

[2nd of September, 13:27]

The official first morning without you, Donghyuck still lived with his parents so they could see how upset their son was because of your leave. He woke up very late due to crying all night ''Honey, do you want to eat something'' his mom said when she realised he woke up, ''It's okay mom, I'll do something myself'' But his mom wasn't satisfied with that answer, ''My baby has grown so much that he's experiencing his first break up'' She couldn't help but tease him even if he wasn't in the right mood. ''Mom, stop I'm very sad for real'' Donghyuck said annoyed hoping that his clingy mom would stop it. ''Honey, if you want to vent you have us, okay? You only lost her not us'' And then they both hugged each other, Donghyuck was already kinda rebellious towards his parents but all he needed right now was that comfort coming from her mother.

Today Donghyuck only stayed home, not feeling like doing anything, not even practise his daily hour of guitar, he ignored all the texts his friends sent him but he did saw your Instagram story, you were posing at the airport with your suitcase, but it wasn't your city's one, it was the arrival one. Donghyuck could feel the happiness in your eyes and didn't notice how he was staring at the pic for a couple of minutes already. ''Lee Donghyuck stop looking at that picture, or I'm taking your phone'' His mother discovered what he was up to, she didn't want her own son to look sad so of course she had to. He hid his phone in order to not look at you anymore. Today he felt like it wouldn't end and it was taking a lot of time to become night time. When it finally did he just went back to sleep hoping that it was all a dream.

[9th of September, 16:09]

A week has passed since you left, and Donghyuck returned to his daily routine. Wake up, practise the guitar, hang out with friends, play videogames, do group practise and finally go to bed. He still missed you of course and all his friends could see it from just looking at him. They were all at the garage to practise as a group and as always Donghyuck was distracted again because of his overthinking since you left and Hendery, the drummer, hit his head with his stick to wake him up. ''OUCH DUDE WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM'' He screamed and let out all his accumulated anger which was inside him, ''Wake up, we repeated the song over 10 times you dumbass'' Then he realised how exhausted they were because of him and his thoughts, I mean it was normal but he knew he gotta put you aside.

[30th of September, 19:02]

By now he would already have forgotten about you, right? Well, not exactly. He would not think about you all the time, but every time you were mentioned in a conversation he would have a short stage of depression until he recovered and all over again. Mark also didn't talk that much with him since you left, even if Donghyuck texted him he would either ignore it or say ''Sorry I was busy'' but Donghyuck knew it was because you left, although he didn't know Mark had feelings for you.

[1st of January, 02:02]

New Year, a time of happiness around your family, friends, and lovers. Unfortunately, Donghyuck thought about how when you entered his life always celebrated New Year's by yourselves near the lake. At this point, he knows how much he liked you. How come you are always on his mind? This time Donghyuck was with his family, he doesn't dislike them but having too many people around kinda stressed him so he automatically walked to the lake you two would always go, it was like muscle memory.

When he arrived he expected you to be there with him, like a clique movie. But of course you didn't, he sat down on the grass watching the bright moon under him. He opened Instagram to see what you were up to and clicked on your stories. It was a group mirror selfie with some of your new friends with the text ''Happy New Year ❤️️'' Donghyuck wanted to text you Happy New Year too but since September you both decided to not talk to not make it awkward, you two didn't even end up as friends so for Donghyuck it was already over and needed to move on. That's right, his New Year resolution was to get over you.

[6th of June, 15:11]

On a scale of 1 to 10, he would be half over you, it was great progress, but the thing was for that to happen he needed to overwork himself which resulted in too much stress for him to be able to control it. Jeno, NCT's bassist, was the one who always took care of him when it happened because when he was sick his fever would go high and then have constant dizziness. And today was his birthday, his first one without you on his side, today he wanted to practise, a lot more than usual but then Jeno noticed and told everyone in the group about Donghyuck's condition they made him not go to practise and rest. He spent the rest of the day on his bed and when it was nighttime his friends came to celebrate while he was laying on bed, not the best experience but neither the worst.

[4th of August, 09:41]

Almost a year has passed since you left, Donghyuck knew at this point how much time has passed and wouldn’t be weird of he still didn’t miss your touch, face, and everything he could imagine of. Today Mark texted him.

Mark: hey dude, do you still have any photos of y/n? If you do could you send it to me?

He didn’t expext that, Mark didn’t talked with him that much, in fact, since you left they only talked 6 times.

Donghyuck: why?

To be honest, he knew why. It was probably for your birthday which was next week and wanted to make a gift with it

Mark: for her birthday dude

Donghyuck was feeling kinda jealous because it probably meant that Mark and you still had contact and not him.

Donghyuck: do you two keep contact?

He went straight for it.

Mark: yea why? We shouldn’t?

Donghyuck: lets meet

Mark: rn?

Donghyuck: yea yk where

But in reality, he wasn't sure why he wanted to meet, maybe he would beat the crap out of Mark, or maybe he would have an old small talk with him. The place where he wanted to meet was the park where you, Mark, and he used to go whenever you three hang out. When Donghyuck arrived, Mark was already there but he changed, he dyed his hair blond and grew it, he also had an eyebrow piercing and his fashion style changed. Mark was the typical good boy and since Donghyuck haven’t seen him in so long he didn’t expect that. “hey Mark, since when do you smoke?” Mark wasn’t ashamed of smoking in public, instead, he was a gangster-like dude. “Just happened to be so, why did you wanna meet tho” his speech form didn’t change, which made Donghyuck a little more comfortable.

“Yo relax, I just arrived, we have plenty of time, also happy late birthday'' Mark thanked him since he didn't text him. Those two sat down on the nearest bench there was. ''So if you guessed, it's about y/n''−''Yea I guessed it''. ''Do you keep in contact with her?'' Mark knew what he wanted to ask him, it was pretty obvious. ''Yea, we talk sometimes, you don't right?'' he was right. Donghyuck and you were complete strangers at this point. ''So what do you want me to do? Tell her you miss her? That would make you such a pussy to be honest'' Donghyuck's life consisted of trying not to think about you at this point. ''Have you ever experienced a really hurtful breakup, Mark?'' He tried to attack because he knew Mark didn't do relationships, nobody knew why but everyone let him be. ''No, but if I ever do I wouldn't be a crybaby like you'' Well Mark maybe has already a crush on someone or he really isn't interested in dating. ''By the way, how's your romantic life going? As you see mines going downhill dude'' Everyone would be interested in someone's love life, right? ''I think you know I'm not interested in dating, but my mind might be changing you know?'' That was surprising, did he find someone? ''Damn Mark, go ahead before someone steals them''. The conversation kept going for hours until they realised it was time to go back to their homes, it has been a long time since they had a real conversation so it was a very pleasing time.

[13th of August, 00:01]

Today was your birthday, that's the first thing Donghyuck thought when he saw the hour, that was the first birthday that you two didn't spend together. He was tucked in his bed when he heard someone scream happy birthday, right, today was Jaemin's birthday, one of his roommates. To not think about you anymore he decided to have some fun there too, ''Hey Jaem, happy birthday'' He said while stealing a piece of fried chicken, ''Thanks Donghyuck, where's my gift tho'' ''motherfucker, you want a kiss or something?'' The 4 roommates drank to celebrate it and ended when everyone dozed off, probably like 5AM but at least Donghyuck didn't think about you as much as he expected to.

[2 years later, 20th of December]

Donghyuck surely moved on but there was still a small part of him missing you, or a big part, or half but he still didn't date anyone neither put interest in other girls, his friends joked about you leaving a trauma in him and turned gay or something but he didn't care at all. Donghyuck didn't overwork himself anymore which was a relief for everyone. Mark and him talk more than they used to since you left and Donghyuck got used to his new self.

It was almost Christmas time and his parents wanted to go out for vacation and decided to go to the city you were in, they asked his son if he wanted to go too. He spent all this morning thinking about the decision. If he went, he surely would go and see you but he wouldn't want to leave if so, wouldn't it be easier for both of you if he just stayed in his city? And of course his decision was to not go, he was almost over you so it was the most reasonable reason he could find.

[3 months before you cameback, 29th of March]

You told Mark you were coming back because of the 'failure' you were having in your new life, he sounded very excited and quickly told everyone he was close with, including Donghyuck. When Mark first told him he thought it was some kind of joke but it turned out to be true. Since then he would be dreaming of the moment he meets you, what should he say? When will it be? And most importantly, would you still love him?.

Thanks for reading everyone and would appreciate reblog or follow♡♡ (and I'm so sorry if the ending is a bit lazy TT)

[bea28]

i just finished Iron Flame and there are theories ☝️🤓

⚠️ this is your only warning, there WILL be SPOILERS for both books ahead

SO.. i’ve been watching theories on tiktok about violet’s second signet and saw someone talk about this one (and in my opinion i think she already manifested it, she just didn’t notice it yet)

bare with me…

You know how Andarna had her own little secret revealed at the and of IF right? how she is her own “type” of dragon and is basically able to “change colors” as we’ve seen when she was hiding in the rocks, she basically “morphed” into the rocks to hide. So with that, i think her power for violet (or violets signet from her) will be crazy unique and rare. Keeping that in mind let’s proceed.

another little thing that was just thrown out there is how Andarna is always saying “i’ll be where i’m needed” or “im where i need to be” anytime Violet or Tairn tells her to stay safe, and she’s ALWAYS there when needed, she’s always there to help violet (aka saving her life many many times). And thinking about how Rebecca likes to basically hide things in plain sight, just like the fact that Xaden could read violets mind and would sometimes even respond to it and violet wouldn’t notice, i think we shouldn’t ignore Andarnas comments.

we also know that signets are what a riders need the most, just like Xadens need for secrets (shadows)

SO ive been thinking about what violet needs most or moments where she needed something specific, and turns out she needs a lot of things, like when she needed liam to help hold herself together during interrogation (talking to the dead) or when she needed to jump from one dragon to the other during the final war (speed) or how she constantly needs people to tell her the truth so she can make her decisions (truth sayer) or how she constantly needs mending (mender) or how she ran so fast to raise the wards, that someone even said “oh i’ve never seen you run so fast” (speed again)

(i honestly think this are the moments where she has used her signet already ⤴️)

and thinking about the future, she will probably need to talk to the dead again because her parents are dead and they have information she will for sure need, like her mom researching about a cure for venin or her dads research about feather tails, this information won’t be written anywhere, only the people involved will be able to tell her about it (but they’re dead). She will also need the truth now more then ever to be able to save Xaden, no more secrets or lies (i’ll just put it here about how there’s theories that her brother is venin or a traitor, which i kind of believe)

so i think her signet is just like andarna’s color.. changing and based on need

i think she will be able to manifest any signet as long as she NEEDS it (just like the rune xaden used on one of her daggers) and will be able to switch between all signets depending on her need at the moment, i think she’s been doing it since the interrogation room, she just didn’t notice, since every single time she did, she was in desperate need and just did things and kept going, never stopping to analyze anything further.

and since andarna apparently refuses to tell her things based on “if you didn’t figure out yourself, you wouldn’t be worthy” i think andarna is just waiting for violet to figure it out herself while giving little hints with the “i’ll be where im needed”

Also, let’s not forget that Andarna has been waiting hundreds of years to hatch, she’s been waiting for violet “the weaker Sorrengail that has the mind of a scribe and the heart of a rider”

PLUS i cant get Tairns line out of my head “i know exactly who and WHAT you are, Violet Sorrengail” this with the knowledge that her mom has been researching about a cure for venin since before everything happened, i honestly think her mom or dad was venin and Violet is a kind of half blood or something. I really think her parents knew it, given her moms research and the fact that her dad had the ONLY book about venin and wayverns and made it a point to read it to his kids.

thinking now…. “magic always balances itself” what if violets fragility is all about that, magic balancing itself, making her body weaker because her magic or power is too strong.

anyways… that’s it, that’s what i’ve gathered from all the videos i’ve watched on it, and what i think is more likely to be. i wrote this all from memory so im sorry if there’s anything not accurate or if you’ve already thought about this lmao. i’m just writing it here so i can come back to it after Onyx Storm.

i tryed to simplify it the most i could here, so there’s a lot more details to it if we just think about little things that maybe went unnoticed in the books, like how violet seems to always “hear had dads voice” when se needs any information he knew, or how liam taught her that she could show Dain what she wanted him to see in her mind even tho he couldn’t possibly know that, or how she’s always making herself a silver crown with her hair, or how xaden gave her so many daggers with runes we still know nothing about… i don’t know there’s so many things and i’ve only read the books once so i didn’t even notice everything

[killergirlfuria]

Since I ended up writing a protocreed fanfic (work in progress) in the year of our lord 2023, I decided might as well share a snippet with you.

Under the cut you will find the first scene of the oneshot I'm working on. It's deslex, hurt/comfort, and fluff. Takes place after [PROTOTYPE] (the first) and Assassin's Creed 3; it assumes the events of [PROTOTYPE] took place right before events of Assassin's Creed series (1-3).

Bleeding Effect inaccuracies to follow, I'm making half this shit up.

•••

Desmond can’t sleep. 

He feels tired, exhaustion seeped into his very bones turning them heavy and aching, but he’s been awake for hours. Tried every trick he knew to fall asleep and failed each time, distracted by the dull pulsating pain in his right hand and the occasional translucent figure that only he can see looming over him. There’s a pressure behind his ears like his body can’t quite decide if it wants to hurt or not, skewing ever so closer to a headache with each passing minute. The crook of the elbow of his left hand also smarts, no longer hooked to IVs, tender and trying to heal.

Even the warm body besides him provides little comfort. Hands entwined together is about as much as Desmond is able to muster for physical contact, his skin tight and overstimulated as the memory-pain of touching the Eye haunts him still. He’s getting better, but it’s frustrating, because he craves contact but his body keeps recoiling from it.

He turns his head to the side.

“You awake?”

The pile of blankets next to him shifts slightly. Something hisses under all that fabric, distinctly inhuman, black tendrils wrap more firmly around the wrist and fingers of his left hand, themselves only barely in the form of a hand, clawed, skinless, and oily-black. Desmond only brings it close to his face, places a gentle kiss on the biomass. It shudders slightly, and then retreats.

“If you can’t sleep,” a muffled, raspy voice comes from under all the fabric, “you can go make me coffee instead of moping.”

Desmond chuckles. “I suppose I can. The sun’s already up anyway.”

It’s shining through the window, all the brighter for all the snow outside.

And if he moves, he’ll feel better. He thinks so, at least. Stagnation always bothered him more.

Desmond pushes his own duvet off—mercifully left alone for the night, though snatched into the pile by twined black tentacles the moment his feet hit the floor—and gets up slowly. He’s sluggish with the now-familiar ache, and the air in the van is certainly colder than under the covers for the winter outside. He maneuvers his hand into a sling, and then a cardigan onto his shoulders for warmth, and walks the two steps it takes him to reach the kitchen.

The van is spacious for what it is, with a bed at the back, small but fully equipped kitchen on one side and a small table and a sitting area right behind the driver’s seat. Everything else is shelves and cabinets, wherever they reasonably fit. Or unreasonably. Storage is good, though for now Desmond doesn’t have much to use it for. He never had much, always on the move.

Maybe it’s time to change.

It’s only been a few days, but Desmond has acclimated to this space faster than ever before. It’s cozy, a little tight but comforting. He always preferred big open spaces, clear skies and the wind in his hair, but here he feels safe.

It’s a first, for a small space with nowhere to run or hide. Might be in big part thanks to who he shares it with.

He steadfastly ignores a shining specter standing in the corner, hooded and silent. It can’t do more than hover in his periphery, anyway.

Even with only one fully functional hand, making a cup of tea and a cup of coffee each isn’t difficult. He’s done more elaborate tricks when he was bartending at Bad Weather, and—

Fuck, was it really only four months ago? He has lived at least three lifetimes since then. Died, too.

It didn’t stick, sure, but it was haunting him. All of it. It would, he knew, likely for as long as he lived.

Desmond shakes his head as he sets a mug of steaming coffee on the counter closest to the bed and lets it do its thing as he sits down by the window and looks out, tea with entirely too much sugar in hand. Outside is more of a painting than anything else, glittering and sleepy, trees and rocks and ground covered in snow.

The pile of blankets shifts, slithers ever so slightly towards the edge of the bed. It shifts a little more— a pale hand sticks from under it, then another, then a pale face with a mop of dark curly hair and bright eyes the color of ice, rimmed with red. Alex sits up, vaults one leg over the ledge, sets it on the floor, then the other, bundles the blankets more securely around his shoulders. Black tendrils frame his chin, cover the entirety of his neck and dip under his shirt, encroaching on his hands. Tendrils writhe both over and under his skin as he doesn’t bother to fully mimic a human just yet.

He’s wearing Desmond’s fluffy socks, the green ones. Desmond was looking for them last evening, damnit.

A red-and-black tendril sneaks from under the blankets and reaches forward, wraps around the mug and pulls it through the air into Alex’ waiting hands. He barely wraps his fingers around it and is already taking a big sip, completely unbothered by how scalding hot the coffee is. His frown softens as soon as he does so. The ripples under his skin settle just to the left of being human enough.

"How are you feeling today?" Alex asks once he’s done pondering his coffee, icy eyes zoning in on him. “Your sleep has gotten worse. How’s the hand? Any hallucinations?”

Desmond looks at his right hand, utterly mummified from bicep down, bandage bulky with ointment pads, resting in the mesh sling. It gives off a strong antiseptic clinical smell, but Desmond isn’t about to complain. It’s that, or the smell of burned human flesh.

"Radiating dull pain, and itchy to the bone like the whole week until now. Actually it’s been hurting a little less,” he says and looks at his hand. The scientist in Alex was endlessly fascinated by the fact that it was seemingly completely charred, yet somehow still healing. Desmond was a mostly regular human after all. “I’ve been Bleeding most of the time I’ve been awake today, though.”

Ice eyes narrow. “That’s very concerning.”

“It’s only the ghosts,” Desmond says dismissively. “I can ignore them.”

Alex looks like he just bit into a lemon, arguments barely kept behind his teeth.

“We can’t do anything about the Bleeds,” Desmond reminds him, and his face sours further.

“I know,” Alex says, fingers momentarily squeezing around his coffee. It’s a testament to his control that the ceramic mug doesn’t even crack; Desmond remembers clearly how he tore Vidic’s armored truck open with his bare hands without much issue.

He gets up, moves back to the bed, sits down next to Alex. Bumps their shoulders together, and is glad to find his body doesn’t make him recoil anymore. His skin still feels a little raw, but not overstimulated enough to shy from all physical contact anymore. 

“I shouldn’t be alive at all,” Desmond reminds him. “It’s a miracle that I am, and I can deal with some slight Bleeding in exchange.”

“Alright,” Alex says, tone frustrated. He lays his head on Desmond’s shoulder, and Desmond shivers but doesn’t flinch. “But if it gets any worse you need to tell me. I can’t do much about it, but there has to be something—”

“I know,” Desmond says and kisses the top of his head, lingers a little. “Just keep reminding me that I’m me, and that I’m real. We’ll figure out the rest. They’re much more bearable now that I’m not frying my brain in the Animus anymore.”

“If you say so.”

“I’ll be okay,” Desmond promises, though he doesn’t know if it’s to Alex or himself. “I’m not now, obviously I’m not and I won’t pretend I am, but I will be.”

And he thinks he can, for once. That it’s not an empty promise.

Alex squeezes his bicep and then wraps his arm around Desmond’s waist in response, legs bumping together, and for the first time since Desmond woke up he doesn’t move away. His skin still crawls, overstimulated, but it’s slight enough for him to be able to lean into the touch. They stay like that, content to relish in each-other’s warmth and little else. It’s quiet and comfortable in the calm around them, enough for them to pretend the world isn’t out to get them. Enough to hope that it maybe really will be alright.

Desmond almost doesn’t mind the hooded figure standing in the corner, see-through and staring straight at him with its glowing yellow eyes.

[an-alamort-poet]

Warning this story is about eating disorders and time spent in the psych ward.

When I was sixteen I was admitted to a psych ward. And there was this girl there that I've never been able to stop thinking about. Everything I say about her is what I've seen; from what people told me about her, she never spoke.

While I was there, there were four people there that I knew were there for having an eating disorder and she was one of the four. she walked around with an IV pole that I watched her nearly trip over now and again.

There were only two single-person rooms, she and another girl with an eating disorder had them.

In the ward, the beds you sleep on are so thin you might as well have slept on the floor. But hers was the only room on our unit with a normal hospital bed. She had a woman whose job was to follow her around while she walked from her room through the hallways and a few times into the lounge. it seemed like she had no idea where she was.

I'd tell her good morning and goodnight almost daily, but it never felt like she saw me. She always seemed like she looked right through me. But one day while we were in the lounge she went to sit next to me. She usually just sits in a chair away from anyone else for maybe ten seconds before standing back up and wandering off, I watched her almost miss the chair when she went to sit down, the woman whose job was to follow her had to push her a little to make sure she sat in the chair instead of falling off the side of it. We sat there silently for about two minutes next to each other. It was the longest I ever saw her sit in a chair. The woman smiled at me and told me that she liked me. She then got back up and continued her usual walk around the hallways.

I saw a puddle of pee in her room one time and heard a nurse talk about helping her get into a pull-up. I mentioned it to a friend of mine who had been there longer than I had telling her how I felt bad that she lives like that. My friend then told me that she purposely pees herself to get the pull-ups, she had no idea why. But I imagine it's because it must be easier to have someone help you change yourself a few times a day, then come with you to help and watch you every time you're in a bathroom. But I'll never really know why she prefers the pull-ups. 

But the main thing that keeps me thinking of her is what I saw once during visiting hours. The way that it was set up was sometime around 6 pm. I can't remember the exact time, it has been a few years. visitors would come for an hour, and then after that, it was room time. During room time one day I was sitting in my doorway watching whatever the nurses were doing when I saw who I assumed was her dad was still there. I thought it was weird that he got to stay after everyone had left. I sat at my door wondering why they were in the hallway instead of the lounge when I realized it was because she was doing what she always did, just wandering up and down the hallway. I watched as she looked at her dad and he waved at her while she just looked at him for a moment, only a second. Then she went back to her wandering. I walked into my room and just sat on my bed. I thought about how her dad must feel to be watching his daughter just fade away like that.

When I would hear people talk about why you should fight your eating disorder it was always something about how you should be happy with how you are, self-love. They talk about how starving yourself could cause you to gain more weight. How vomiting can destroy your teeth and how your hair thins and falls out. But I don't think that does the disorder justice for the debilitating disease it is. The idea of being skinny enough is what takes over your mind ignoring how you feel and the hunger. Your body starts to panic and does anything to keep itself alive. But eventually, your body can only spare so many resources, and parts of you start to shut down. Then suddenly theirs nothing of you left.

She did this thing with her hands where she would put her thumb in her palm and then squeeze her hands into a fist. It was the only thing she did that reminded me that she was once a person, and not always this wondering body that may never get better. And may not make it all.

[tennessoui]

it took so long trying to pick something from how to say someones name like a string of letters (its my favourite of ur fics ive reread it like. Eight times at least) buti ended up going with this one

“I had to write a personal essay to get into my masters program. And I wrote about you.”

They’re just close enough together that Anakin can feel the way Obi-Wan tenses. He always knew how to prepare for the heavy hits. “Oh?”

“Mm,” he hums. “About how you taught me the importance of structural integrity. And that it took a relationship I spent thirteen years building collapsing around me to figure out I couldn’t move through life ignoring weak spots I didn’t want to see. Sometimes homes just...have to fall down. Pretty sure they only accepted me because they felt bad or something, but it was a good essay.”

(from this dvd commentary ask game three months ago im sorry, but basically people sent me passages from my fics for me to give commentary on like what i wanted the passage to do, what the moment means for the fic, what's going on in the characters' heads, why i wrote it, etc etc)

this is from how to say someone's name like it's just a string of letters - which i think is really one of my favorite fics i've written for obikin hands down, like. it's almost not an obikin fic and almost just the author reliving nostalgia and heartbreak upon returning to her hometown for the first time in a while wanting to make things better but knowing she cannot BUT these characters can and getting catharsis from their reunion and reconciliation lol who said that

this passage is a great one to pick because i love the way they are in this moment....anakin wants to hurt obi-wan still, he sees him sitting next to him and needs to hurt obi-wan. what he tells obi-wan is mean and cruel and he knows it--he wants all of it to hurt when it hits him, anakin is searching for something he can hit obi-wan with that he'll never see coming and that he'll never recover from, because that's how anakin has felt for the last fifteen years.

but he's also being very honest here-- it's just weaponized honesty. what he's telling obi-wan is a bit 'i went on to get my masters, and i know you didn't go to get a bachelors and that's a sore spot for you i want to press until you bleed like you made me bleed' but it's mostly 'i have spent years analyzing our relationship and i found these weaknesses that i'm telling myself i ignored when i was younger. we were never ever going to be able to make it. we were never ever going to survive'

and he doesn't actually even really believe it's true, but he wants obi-wan to believe it's true and he's convinced himself he believes this too.

but it's just meant to hurt obi-wan because anakin is hurting, and it does! it forces obi-wan into his confession too: that he writes about anakin, which is mostly indicative of him still loving and thinking of anakin, but it's obi-wan offering up his secret identity/pen name to anakin as a "this was always for you a little bit, i have been reliving our relationship, even the weak points, while you watched us burn" sort of thing

[anxiousgaypanicking]

Hypnosis

!a series of me uploading the kinktober fics/drabbles i made years ago because i didnt back in 2020 for some fuckin reason. if these are bad/poor quality its because theyre old, and ive improved since then :)!

Moceit (Patton x Janus) Day 5: Hypnotism Warnings: Hypnotism, grinding

Patton tried to keep from seeming too excited, as he hummed and danced while hanging out in the kitchen.

He was baking cookies, one of the only things he could decently make (curse Thomas's poor cooking skills having an affect on him), although, anticipation coursed through his veins.

Logan had brought up something about how the dark sides seemed to have an animal traits that correlated with physical features and abilities. While Patton was unsure if this was true in Virgil's sake, as he had never seen anything even remotely animal like (other than his unnaturally sharp canines) on the man, he knew it was definitely true for Janus and Remus.

Remus had his tentacles, which he liked to flaunt. He tended to have them out constantly, whether that be to annoy his brother or to just stick himself to the ceiling, who cares.

And Janus obviously had his scales than ran down the left side of his body. They were predominately on his face, and then appeared in patches running down his torso and leg, having larger patches on his shoulder, hip, elbow, and knee.

But... they watched The Jungle Book recently, and that part with the snake hypnotizing Mowgli came up, and that's all Patton could think about.

He knew that it was silly, and that there was no scientific evidence that snakes could actually hypnotize their prey (he had asked Logan after the movie, playing it off as just being curious), but he still wanted to make sure.

So, he had asked Janus, and received the answer he didn't want to, that no, snakes can't actually hypnotize their prey.

But, that didn't mean Janus couldn't hypnotize people.

Janus had worded it vaguely, simply saying he had been interested in the workings of hypnosis, and he'd practiced some of the techniques. He mentioned that he'd been able to put himself in a few trances (usually after a particularly rough day with the light sides) but said he had never tried it out on another side before, so he was unsure if it worked on others or not.

So, he'd put Patton in a trance, and given him some triggers.

The catch was, Patton didn't know what the triggers were. Janus didn't even bother testing them after installing them, claiming he wanted to leave them "for a rainy day."

So, that led Patton to where he was now, anticipation practically eating him from the inside out, as he waited for Janus to trigger it.

Maybe he had already, and it didn't work. The whole point of this was to test whether or not he could hypnotize others.

Speaking of Janus, said side sauntered into the kitchen. His cape and hat had been discarded. It was a subtle change, but it made him look somewhat more casual. He smiled when he saw Patton was there.

"Good afternoon, Patton," Janus says, and Patton's head snaps around to look at him.

His face flushes, much to his dismay. He clears his throat, and responds "hey there, Jay!"

"What are you making, dear?" Janus asks, placing a hand on Patton's hip as he sets his head on Patton's shoulder, glancing into the oven.

"Cookies," Patton answers, trying to ignore the subtle way Janus rubbed his hips.

"Oh? Well, that's rather ironic," Janus says, and Patton raises an eyebrow, wondering briefly what Janus meant. He didn't have to think about it for long though, as Janus continued. "Those smell delicious, but I have my cookie in my arms."

Patton suddenly felt weak in the knees, as a blissful wave of nothingness crashed over him. He leaned into Janus, the deceitful side smiling. Moments later, Patton blinked, and glanced up at Janus.

"Wha-?"

"Cookie," Janus repeated, before Patton could finish, and the man's eyes rolled back into his head, his legs finally giving out on him as he fully leaned on Janus. The man's arms around his waist were the only thing keeping him upright.

Janus quickly picked Patton up, and brought him into the main room, setting Patton down on the couch. The man's head lulled to the side, before he finally snapped back to attention. His cheeks were bright red as he hesitantly met Janus's eyes. Janus was smiling sweetly at him.

"Do you like that trigger? I thought that'd be a fun one for you," he coos, cupping Patton's face. Patton leans into the touch.

"It sure is... interesting. Why 'cookie,' though?"

"Because, it's a sweet nickname for you," Janus responds, as he sits next to Patton on the couch. He pulls the moral side onto his lap, Patton blushing darker at the position. "Colour?" Janus then asks, and Patton quickly responds "green."

He then opens his mouth to say something else, but Janus mumbles "cookie," before he can. Patton's body slumps over Janus's, another wave of nothingness crashing over him. Drool pools at the corner of his mouth, some of it dripping onto Janus's neck.

Janus cringes at the feeling, but doesn't reprimand Patton for it, as it was something he couldn't exactly control.

Patton was uncomfortably hard in his jeans, loving how Janus could use his mind like a plaything. When he came to yet again, he gently grinds down against Janus's leg, letting out a shaky moan at the friction. Janus smirks at the action.

His hands plant themselves on Patton's hips, staring into the man's eyes. "Are you really this worked up already? Just from a simple trigger? My, my." Janus tuts, and Patton whines.

He can't help it! He would be lying if he said he didn't find the fact Janus could use this on him all the time hot.

"That isn't the only trigger I have installed," Janus then says, and Patton's eyes widen. This isn't? Janus has implemented others? Patton shivers in anticipation.

"Oh? Are you curious?" Janus asks, knowing full well Patton is. Patton nods eagerly, trying to resist the urge to grind against Janus again.

"Well, I guess I can't blame you," he continues, hands gently running over Patton's sides. Patton whines at the contact, before Janus captures his lips. Patton immediately moans into the kiss, a rush of pleasure overtaking him. What was happening?

He felt like he was being touched, fucked, pleasured, and Janus still just had his hands lightly running over Patton's body.

Janus smirked, as Patton connected the dots. He expected the feeling to fade shortly after, just like the nothingness did, but it didn't. Patton's hands gripped tight to Janus's shoulders, unable to keep from rolling his hips against Janus's thigh. Janus didn't try to stop him, letting Patton get himself off.

"Jay," Patton moans, as Janus kissed around his face and neck. None of them added to the feeling of pleasure he was receiving which made Patton wonder if it only happened if Janus kissed his lips.

Imagine this happening every time they kissed. The idea made Patton whine.

Janus smirks, one of his gloved hands sliding under Patton's shirt. "Yes, cookie?" Janus responds, sweetly, and Patton's head rolls to the side, Janus still guiding the man's hips with his hands.

Patton comes with a sweet moan of Janus's name, before slumping over. Janus smiles, gently rubbing Patton's back.

"How are you feeling?" Janus asks, and Patton lets out a soft laugh.

"Really good."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Janus smiles. "I can get rid of the triggers, if you want. I know how inconvenient it would be to feel this way whenever we kissed."

"What about the 'cookie' trigger?"

Janus hummed. "Would you want to keep that?"

"Yes, please Jay."

Janus laughed softly, placing a kiss to the side of Patton's head. "Then yeah, we can keep it."

"Okay. I love you Jay."

"Love you too, Patton."

[kiisuuumii]

to your point about feeling like a planet hurdling through space - i don't think there's anything wrong with it, there are stretches in life where we're productive, and others we are not, even though it might seem like inaction, it's a period of rest.

& to your other point about wanting to leave your life in the hands of something greater than you, and having things in your hand that feel bigger than you - have you ever read the story 'god of arepo'? it's a story that was written on here for a writing prompt, you should be able to find it easily, i'd recommend reading it since it relates to the point i'm going to make - god or whatever greater force is out there, must think that our troubles must be big, too big even for them- we don't have the luxury of being immortal so that on a greater scale, these problems would eventually be a blip on the radar. but still they carry on, doing their best even if it doesn't seem like our woes don't lessen, maybe the best they could ever do is just maybe quietly listen, bearing your troubles if for a moment. i'm sorry, i didn't mean for this ask to be long, feel free to ignore it, your post just made me think about things too and i just had some thoughts on the matter

sorry this went much longer than your ask sdgkha just sorta spat out my stream of consciousness,,, hopefully this makes some sorta sense ^^;;;

i just wanna clarify rq that, when i said i wanted to place my life in the hands of something bigger than me, i meant i wish i knew whether all of this burden means something, almost how so many people can blindly believe in something bigger. i've never been the religious type, but i've always wanted /something/ to believe in; i just have always found it hard to believe in anything influencing anything for us, knowing what i know about physics and entropy and how we abide by the laws of mortality first and foremost and that we're all just tending towards chaos, towards nothing.

maybe it's because i'm human that i can't seem to buy into the idea of a god, but your bringing up of 'god of arepo', and my rereading of it, made me realize that, despite not really believing in gods or deities or some bigger force that has the power to pull some strings for us or whatever, i've found myself with a candle dish i recycled into a place to put my change from when i use cash, as offerings to the goddess fortuna. it just felt right to start doing one day; i had an extra candle jar lying around and wanted to keep but didn't know what to do with. i just started it without really expecting anything. even now i don't. but ive found myself continuing to leave my change for fortuna.

i'm really glad that you reminded me of that story (i'd read it before, years ago, but had forgotten everything about it). it got me thinking about why i leave offerings to a being that i can't even be sure exists, and i think it's as arepo says: "it’d be nice to think there’s a god looking after me."

maybe this all means something, maybe it doesn't. maybe all this suffering is just suffering. regardless of what this life means and ends up meaning, i think i've been looking for someone (or something) to see that i'm always trying to be better than i was yesterday, even if i fail and repeat mistakes. not to receive validation from someone or something else. but to just bear witness. to know that someone or something is.

i dont think that i wouldve been able to get any of this into perspective for myself without you, anon, or the story of the god of arepo. i'm probably going to go on continuing to offer my change to fortuna, because idk i don't think it would hurt to keep doing it, i need a place to keep my change anyway. but, i do also want to believe that, even if this higher power can't or won't do anything for me, there's /something/ that is bearing witness to the ways i've changed over the years, even if there's just a small possibility of it. that i'm really /not/ alone on this dumb little journey of a life.

[forgotteneilionora]

Random Eilia Facts

so i just sort of realized ive been hc'ing all this stuff abt her but never really put it down anywhere so i thought id change that! as a result these are all v random factoids so bear with me but hopefully they'll be fun anyway <3

1. eilia is a first-rate nerd

always a curious girl with a passion for learning, eilia is a collector of factoids, an experimenter, and an advocate for the education of all. in her day she built public libraries and universities, and gave abundantly to foundations of learning, and esp to those that would benefit the under-privileged, particularly orphans, the poor, bastards (a sympathy roderick now calls 'damning,' implying she knew she was a bastard all along!), and women and in fact wrote and published a treatise on how this improves life for everyone not merely those receiving the education, etc!

def the sort who loves museums, pretensious poetry, and scholastic debates! she def had a reading group and all kinds of lively debates about philosophy, politics, ideals, art, science, and everything else intellectual on the daily w her friends and ladies during her reign!

eilia can absolutely be a bit pretentious abt these things and that certainly hasn't changed and, in fact, she doesn't quite view this as personal arrogance as she likely should, instead simply taking it all as part of her interests rather than a way to lowkey feel superior from ~within her interests~ by refusing to acknowledge that she can sometimes take this to a silly extreme, and viewing it solely as sophistication

eilia looks down on willful ignorance/close mindedness and condemns it as the worst sort of falsehood. as you can imagine, she's just adoring roderick's whole thing ;D lkajsdfkljsdf /sarcasm

2. eilia loves botany and astronomy!

building off her native curiosity, and likely informed by the astairan focus on plants/the earth and the stafford focus on the heavens/stars, eilia took to studying them from an early age. one of her favorite things to do is study the earth and the sky, seeing them almost as mirrors of one another!

even as a lil kid, eilia kept a garden all of her own and a journal of intense notes and sketches, rigorously studying plant lifecycles and experimenting with such things. this was an interest that also came in v handy as queen of a largely agrarian society, helping her to better understand what her ppl required seasonally etc, a factor which had helped encourage her interest in it in the first place. similarly, she always had a telescope and another journal, also filled with copious notes and sketches of the movement of the cosmos!

while roderick has limited her outdoor time and thus she can rarely indulge much in her garden and botanical pursuits, and roderick has removed her telescope (concerned she would use it to spy as much as to watch the skies -- and, in this case, rightful so), she is able to maintain her watch on the stars, though only as much as the naked eye can observe

3. eilia is blunt but not impulsive

she tells truth to power, but this is not to be confused w the way cillian does it: eilia is far better at picking her moments, and her battles -- she also doesn't, however, always express herself as delicately as she'd like to, which has always been an issue in her reign, but has been a huuuuge struggle in dealing w the varmonts, but she's working on it!! still, she rarely articulates things quite as she wishes to, having a forthright quality she still can't seem to entirely do away with. if anything, tho, dealing w the varmonts has taught her to be even less impulsive than she wou'dve been

eilia also has a tendency towards sarcasm which sometimes slips out at inopportune moments but, with a love of humor, she can't seem entirely to do without. in fact, in many ways she leans on it more than ever, now, having become something of a defense mechaism since the occupation

4. eilia is proud af

and even a lil arrogant but this has def been tempered a lot by that whole...getting conquered thing! at the same time, however, it deffff still bubbles up, and she has by no means entirely defeated it! eilia has always had a battle between her fears and her desires, smth that causes her to at once place too much faith in her abilities all while deep down fearing that she has never been and never will be good enough. i'll talk a lil more about that internal conflict lower, but that's a huge part of her character and always has been.

nonetheless, the arrogance side of this was absolutely smth that played a big role in her early reign and, in some ways, helped her bc that blind confidence was a bit infectious -- 'well she must have this all figured out to behave this way!' -- and helped her ram through a number of policies that greatly benefited astaira in her only about six years of rule!

it did, however, also have bad consequences, alienating some critical supporters whose indifference and even irritation later proved catastrophic when astaira was most in need of allies to help abate the conquest. it has also cracked in light of the conquest, causing her to waffle between this and her inferiority complex since the invasion, but again more on that later!

5. eilia is a believer!

those guardians out there making the world go round <3 for her it is much more than a cultural practice and she is a true believer! eilia literally believes that the world is in jeopardy, but she means to do smth abt that -- literally everything she can!! this includes herself, her loved ones, everything -- eilia is a deeply practical person (ill talk more abt this later) and so she believes to hold anything back, including the things youd otherwise have sacrificed everything for (your loved ones etc -- eilia is 100% the type who would much, much ~rather sacrifice herself than her loved ones! so this idea is the toughest of all for her) is mere selfishness in the face of the needs of the whole world, seflishness magnified when ur queen.

nonetheless, she does struggle w whether or not she's a good ruler to ultimately sacrifice her loved ones for the world, when it comes down to it, but she truly believes that that would be the just move!

paired with her (secretly) idealistic heart (more on that in a sec), eilia has a lot of faith, but she also knows she needs to do her part -- and what frightens her is that she might not be able to, anymore. but eilia's never been one to give up (see stubborn section)!

6. she's a romantic at heart but also a logician and lowkey feels these goals are in opposition to one another

building a bit on the above, she's got this war going on inside her, head vs heart, style! eilia is an idealist in a way, but she's also a realist. she will also hide her romanticism at all costs, and try to deny it bc she prizes reason and practicality, and believes its her duty as queen to put that first!

nonetheless, that same idealism she tries to deny also feeds and fuels her vision of a better future which is, in fact, her best trait as a ruler. fortunately, this is something that eilia, as a practical person realizes about herself and her rule. unfortunately, the fact of that knowledge and its source only further fuels the tension inside of her!

7. arrogance vs insecurities as queen (& person)

at once too proud AND too humble!! how does she do it? ;D while, when she first became queen, eilia was profoundly confident, post-conquest she fears she's too little, and that she was once too arrogant, for the challenges before her! yet she still struggles to find an equilibrium between these two, waffling flagrantly between confidence in her own abilities and an utter lack they even exist, a condition that only worsens w pr much every single action roderick takes

8. eilia is a v observant person

ppl watching isn't just a hobby -- its an art! and its served her well in being the king's shadow as a princess and heiress presumptive, learning statescraft at his knee. now, as a captive, it is continuing to serve her well as she keeps her counsel and watches. eilia has learned a v great deal about the varmonts and their culture this way, smth which informs her moves

9. stubborn (once her mind is made up)/forceful of nature

another sometimes alienating factor, eilia is often slower to make choices, but once she does, she is utterly implacable! this is bc she generally applies her reason to problems, so once she's made up her mind, its based on reasonable and principled factors that can only be disrupted by still more reasonable and principled factors. paired with her arrogance, this can sometimes come at cost bc sometimes she places perhaps greater faith in her choices than she ultimately ought to do, but her intentions are good!

until she makes a choice, however, she is quite open minded which she also views as a key factor of being a good leader, and comes out of her love of scholasticism

this willful bent also pushes her to, in turn, push others particularly galvanizing her to debate and to challenge others. she also respects those who do the same to her, though not always in the moment. she does, however, in general enjoy defending herself and her ideas in open discussions with others, and dissecting all notions in the realm of friendly debate, smth she greatly misses, given roderick's close-minded ways.

paired with her stubbornness, however, this will often prompt her to push others to defend their beliefs when she believes them wrong, even in a context where this is unwise. it is smth she is fighting hard to cut back on, now, surrounding by varmonts, but smth she has yet to entirely manage

however, her determination means that eilia will never give up so long as she still breathes and that is, perhaps, her greatest strength of all

10. deeply moral

going hand-in-hand with her belief system, eilia always wants to do do what she believes is good -- pursue the right course for the right reasons, and she will do all in her power, moving heaven and earth, to see justice done. she can sometimes fall too readily into the-ends-justify-the-means trap due to her logical nature, and the belief stemming from it that the means of the many outweigh the needs of the few, which in some circumstances isn't the best, but this is a factor relating to her position as a ruler, believing rightly that it is her task to serve by seeing the big picture

11. big picture thinker

while she tries, eilia isn't extremly detail oriented which can be a difficulty as queen, but smth she ~is, is extremely dogged once she's decided on smth as well as being far-sighted in her vision, an even more important factor in rule. bc of this, she does often delegate to those she trusts, creating a network of highly skilled ppl focusing in on individual facets of problems in order to create a larger, more just system for everyone. she does realize that bad things can, in the longterm, fall out of beaurocratic measures however, which is why eilia also installed a system of checks and balances to oversee these systems, all from different points of views, and ensured that each of these delegates serves not at the pleasure of the queen, but at the pleasure of the ppl just as she does, w elections

further, eilia is quite aware of her shortcomings, which further feeds into her insecurities, but allows her to combat them as well, her generally open mind, and helps her to see the full scope of her actions

12. patient & disciplined

perhaps her crowning achievement in the days since the conquest, eilia manages to hold herself in check largely through this trait, alone. it also served her well as queen, giving her reasonable expectations and allowing her far-seeing plan to unfurl rather than forcing it down everyone's throats and thus collapsing it before it had a chance to bloom

[cubedmango]

I’m crying we’re literally the same like that’s what hurt because he didn’t even have to finish speaking you already knew that he was going to say that’s why ‘I love/like him’ like you KNEW and his feelings were clearly so evident throughout that whole scene like that for me too was when I knew things were Serious for him also the way he literally had to pull himself away from adachi when he had finished wrapping the scarf around before he gave it one last soft squeeze);£:!:!:OOOOF I CAN’T like God. The yearning… the Love… and then not to mention the way adachi had realised first hand that actually yeah someone Was and will continue paying attention to him, along with admiring him from afar PLUS been so enamoured by his very existence that they’ve learnt all these little quirks about his personality already like for him to have that Oh moment right then and there that ‘oh this person really cares about me? Genuinely?’ Had me WEAK and yeah let’s not even. Cause I love following sensei ofc but ooh the way my heart nose dives whenever I see anything about /that/ like please let me live in blissful ignorance PLEASE😭 also idk why but this is more proof that elon musk is an evil evil man because videos of them from their fanpages keep getting recommended to me when I don’t interact or follow anything related at All??

YEAH YEAHHH the way kurosawa just kept lingering and taking his sweet time w that scarf when he couldve wrapped it in like 5 seconds easy but he Didnt bc when does he ever get chances like this???? like how many times in those 7 years would he have been able to just be near adachi not for work but just bc he Can be and he wants to help adachi any way he can even if its as little as lending his scarf ....... and adachi seeing how kurosawa had noticed even his most unremarkable moments and seen them as his good qualities when adachi himself had been full of self-deprecation basically the entire day . i am never getting over this scene i swear to god

musks new twt algo knows exactly what u dont want to see and then fills ur fyp with Only that thing its so bad..... luckily ive only been interacting w jp fans now so i dont see any of those fans anymore but it sucks so bad that theyre everywhere invading the tags still..... i guess this is just how its gonna be now :(