#'enough about my homophobic past; let's talk about my homosexual future' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

luellaaa · 2 years ago

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the beginning of writing this, i was going to just do a list. a straight up list. then upon writing i added some extra words, leading to minimal captions for the first few songs... then i got extremely analytical because i'm just obsessed with gaga and her music. enjoy!

< i have also linked my playlist of my fav gaga songs at the bottom of the post! >

my top favourite lady gaga songs and why:

1. poker face - she’s as timeless as bisexuality can be, this was the first lady gaga song i had ever heard and honestly the first song i had ever heard at the ripe age of 3. this was on my dad’s hottest summer hits of 2008 and oh my god, this man is pretty homophobic yet he let me absolutely JAM to this song every day from when i was 3-5. this was the only song on the cd that i listened to, liked, LOVED. and i would be lying if i said i didn’t love it today. this song introduced me to gaga!!!! (hey girl xx), set my music standards waaay too high and wholly shaped me as a person.

2. born this way - of course it is the world number one! this song is for everyone. for freedom, rights, love and acceptance, the blueprint for the gay community, the inventor of all things homosexual, the acceptor of all people. lady gaga’s fan base is limited to NO ONE and she makes it extremely clear. the bible said it: god makes no mistakes; lady gaga just repeats it. she proved to the whole world that preaching music, love, dance, acceptance and most importantly, individuality is easy. it really is! she told the people of the world to start loving the people of the world. as the world should be.

3. just dance - also in the universal top three lady gaga songs of all time, just dance started the whole of gaga’s reign upon the world. this song embodies the ideology of an innocent feminine presence in a wild setting. she doesn't know what is going on, she has had too much, where are my keys? i lost my phone! how'd i turn my shirt inside out? although, through this time of uncertainty, she is smart enough to keep dancing, to push on and stay with the crowd, gonna be okay. this doesn't have to limit to the clueless feminine though, it appeals to anyone, helps anyone to realise that whatever troubles they may be in, it's okay to just dance. it will be okay. i feel like this is why lady gaga's songs are so captivating and addicting, and why just dance took the whole world by storm in 2008. the lyrics to her songs can be subconsciously understood by anyone and pleasing the mind through house & dance beats leading them to have a more positive mindset.

4. judas - it is no doubt that lady gaga doesn’t just produce music, she produces art. and art is always up for interpretation, so i may be wrong here, but this is my interpretation of this masterpiece. this song serves as some sort of a big fuck you to the (white) christian community (i feel in today, 2022) and how they shun upon people who ‘do evil’ even though they most definitely ‘do evil’ themselves. the chorus full of rage. she’s a holy fool, looked down upon by the community because of what she is doing, but she can’t help herself, she’s still in love with judas, the evil that the community shuns her upon. after reading material on this song, i wanted to confirm if what i typed was right and i learned that it is a metaphor: “So the song is about washing the feet of both good and evil and understanding and forgiving the demons from your past in order to move into the greatness of your future.” - pop culture as a religion… (MSN, 2011) & i believe i somewhat hit the mark on this!

5. babylon - gayest shit i have ever heard in my LIFE. i love every moment of the song, i love screaming it in the car by myself & with my friends. when i first found the song, i was going thru a pretty dramatic time in my life and i just realised that gaga is right. let them talk, babble on, battle for their lives, babylon! i don’t have to take any part in it, and honestly, from that moment forward i was in no dramas with anything & my life really started to be the most positive it had ever been! chromatica is the blueprint for healing, and this song is a perfect end to the album, representing that there is pain in healing, it is a journey, and in the end one can always come out on top through personal discovery. just like the ancient city of babylon.

6. sexxx dreams - this song got me hooked straight back onto gaga. i was not always so obsessed with her, i would always have at LEAST one of her songs in my playlists (i mean it’s gaga how could you not?) my friend posted this song to one of his instagram stories and i was like SHIT THIS IS GOOD so i went onto artpop, i will admit i didn’t really like the album at first (probs cuz i was 8 years old) but oml almost 10 years on i discovered it and artpop was the only music i would go on to listen to for the next two months. i was HOOKED. i messaged gaga about 1000 times telling her about how her music is just so incredible and how she is a walking work of art, i think she knows it but like, she needs to know it more.

7. swine - this song just killed me. the first time i heard it, i knew it was a direct response to what had happened to her in the past & the pain she was feeling. i felt it too. the rage that radiated from every word she sung, every beat that hit, every note that played just radiated the most FUCK YOU energy i have ever felt. i would do anything to hear it again for the first time on max volume. artpop was so ahead of its time that it’s not funny. it’s really not! it’s such a direct response to the pain that she has gone through during being a star, within her first five years! i’m so glad that she expressed it through art. gaga is an exceptional artist. she is able to draw out her own personal emotion in her music in the most profound way, which the audience can perceive as absolutely anything that they personally feel, or bias with, leading to the most broad, most likely wrong, analysis. gaga's performance of swine at south by southwest (Doritos BOLD campaign) is the perfect example of this. i would do anything to go back in time and see that performance.

8. fashion! - looking good and feeling fine is now my blueprint for self confidence. on a personal level, this song has helped me so much. i have always struggled with self consciousness and social anxiety, and after hearing this song it helped me to realise that we only live once, no one cares about anyone except themselves. this song has helped me grow into myself and helped me find my own personal style, that doesn’t take from the current fast fashion-esque trending styles. look at me now, i feel on top of the world in my fashion! this song draws attention to oneself, while showing the onlooker that they have no say in my fashion, i’m upbeat, i’m looking good, and i’m feeling fine! and that’s all that matters. …this is coming from 2022, where most lgbtq+ teenagers are addicted to the word slay. not sure the real origin of this word, but since i am biased i lead myself to believe that lady gaga did in fact start this too. the backing vocals in fashion repeat ‘slay, slay,’ which makes me so excited as a queer teenager today. eeee! gaga has been saying this since 2013!!!! and girl hasn’t stop slaying since x

:this is obviously all personal opinion and you are 100% free to disagree with me! this is how i personally feel with her songs & my knowledge on gaga and her music as a fan ♡:

fangirl moment: gaga receiving backlash and creating controversy over this that and the other… i don't care. she is the most authentic, genuine, amazing artist, musician on this earth. growing up partially in the church and going to a christian school for 13 years, i NEVER felt connected to god, especially the christian one. when i had to pray, i decided that i would pray to lord lady gaga as i know she’s real, and she’s out there watching over all her little monsters. thank you lady gaga. i love you and your music so much and it is my dream to one day meet you and tell you this in person, even if i am the millionth person to do so.

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attex · 2 years ago

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magolor be like Enough about my homophobic past. lets talk about my homosexual future

#hexatxt #badposting #q #aci

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winterknight1087 · 5 years ago

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Painted Perfect Future

Summary: Virgil’s parents are homophobic meanies, especially his dad, but don’t worry. Virgil has three amazing boyfriends and there’s always Disney to distract him from his anxiety and past trauma.

Word Count: 6,023

Warnings: Anxiety attacks; hit and run; hospitalization; homophobic parent; self-esteem issues; implied/referenced suicide (but of an off-screen OC); injury; emotional/psychological abuse; alcohol mention; angst with a happy ending; failing a class mention; food; mention of kidnapping in a Disney movie; warnings sound worse than really is (but better safe than sorry!)

Pairings: Romantic LAMP with a dash of Moxiety, Prinxiety, and Analogical

AO3 Link My Writing

Well the Sanders Secret Santa has given all permission to reveal, so surprise @ironwoman359! I’m the weirdo who got to write your secret Santa! I hope you had a great winter holiday! 💜💜💜💜💜

“Oh! I want to go first! Can I go first? RoRo, pleeeease!” Patton begged, bouncing in his seat.

“Uuuuugh, fine,” Roman moaned. “I get to go next, then!”

“I have no quarrels with this. Virgil?” Lo asked, rolling his eyes at the two energetic men.

Virgil looked up from the gifts he was desperately clinging onto. “Huh? What?”

Pat gave the anxious figure a pouty look. “Do you have a problem with me first then RoRo? Unless you want to go first.”

“No, it’s fine Pat. I would like to go last, if that’s alright with you, Lo.”

Logan looked him over but answered. “It may relieve some of your anxiety if you hand your gifts out sooner, Virgil. There is very little chance you got any of us something we will not enjoy.”

“Don’t you mean… infinitesimal?” Patton giggled.

“THAT WAS ONE TIME!”

Virgil winced, “Geez, L. I knew I was going to lose my hearing, but I figured it would be from those two, not you.”

“I-uh” he cleared his throat, hands automatically trying to adjust the fake tie on his sleep shirt. “I apologize, Virgil.”

“Also, I want to go last. I’m nervous about my gifts, but also, I’ve rationalized it out that if you all hate it, I can go hide in my room. Less awkwardness if it’s hated.”

Logan and Patton shared an uncertain look, which did not go unnoticed by the anxious one. They seemed to agree on something and let the decision stand. Patton started giggling again as he dove straight into the pile of gifts sitting beneath the Christmas tree. For a full minute, Virgil counted the seconds, all that could be seen of the man was the cat tail to his onesie.

****

5 Years Ago: Virgil and Logan’s freshmen dorm room

“Little Shadowling?”

You’re just a disappointment. You can’t even keep your grades up in the few classes you actually like. You have an F in Art 101! Who fails Art 101?!?

“Kiddo?”

They don’t care about you. Why should they? Who would be proud of an anxious mess like you?

“Verge, please answer me.”

Next thing you know, they’ll somehow find out that you’re gay. They’ll blame college for ‘turning you’ gay and force you to drop out. You’ll lose what little you’ve gained.

“Virgil, come on buddy. Breathe with me. There we go.”

Virgil wasn’t sure how long he’d been spiraling. What mattered was the warmth surrounding him and the steady rhythmic tapping on his back. At least, that was what mattered until he remembered that Logan was in class until much later. A lightning bolt might as well have struck him for how badly he jumped away, frantically throwing his hands out for anything that could work as a weapon.

“Whoa there, kiddo!” A familiar voice said. “It’s just your happy-pappy Patton!”

As Virgil’s mind finally started to work again, he saw Patton sitting next to him. Virgil looked down and saw that the vicious weapon he had sought turned out to be only a spare paint brush. He set it aside before awkwardly looking at Pat. The other seemed to understand and opened his arms, inviting Virgil into a hug.

“Do you want to talk about it, Virge?”

All Virgil could manage was a shake of his head.

“What about we watch a movie and I make us some yummy hot cocoa? You know what, I’m feeling dangerous, let’s eat the box of cookies I was saving! Does that sound good, my bestest mostest dynamicist duoist duo partner!”

Too many words so soon after an anxiety attack. “I… umm… Sure Pat. Whatever you want to watch.”

With Virgil’s agreement, Patton was off to work. He shocked the anxious one by easily picking him up and placing him in his bed. Next, he was peeking at what was already in the DVD player. He smiled seeing that Roman had been forcing Logan to watch Lilo and Stitch. That would work perfectly for his anxious little baby. With that, he threw some popcorn into the microwave and started working on their hot cocoa.

Virgil watched Pat move about for a moment before deciding that it would relieve some anxiety for him to also do something–anything. He climbed out of bed and started collecting all the spare blankets (and not so spare, though he doubted Logan would mind too much that he stole his bedding). By the time Patton was bringing the snacks and drinks over, Virgil’s bed was about two feet taller with Vee in the middle, making the pile into a sensible nest for them.

Pat and Virge cuddled through the movie. It was exactly what Virgil needed after what happened this afternoon. They joked and threw popcorn at meanie heads. When Lilo had told Stitch that he couldn’t have any more caffeine, Virgil couldn’t help but poke Patton.

“Hey, look! You’re on TV!”

“DOES THIS MEAN YOU ARE THE STITCH TO MY LILO!”

“Uhh… Sure?”

Unbeknownst to the two on the bed, Logan had walked in only to hear screeching about Ohana and family. He had already started to set his bag down, muscle memory doing so automatically. Yet, as the chemical engineering student managed to take everything in, he only blinked and scooped up the bag to leave once again. Though, the pictures he snagged of the two best friends would later prove he had seen the pair.

****

Present

“Here they are!” Patton’s voice yanked Virgil’s mind from that small dorm room. “Alright, here we go! One for LoLo! VeeVee! And RoRo!”

Each accepted their gift and waited for Patton to sit down. Each took their tern unwrapping the (miserably) wrapped gifts. Roman went first to find a prince costume PJ set. Princey screeched when he pulled out a stuffed animal horse. It took Virgil a moment to realize it was horse from Tangled. Mick? No… Maxwell? Max- yes, -well no. Maximillian? Closer, but still wrong. Oh Maximus, right. Maybe Virgil should re-watch Tangled if he couldn’t remember something as simple as the horse’s name.

“I LOVE THEM PATTON!”

Patton didn’t have a chance to respond before Roman was running into the closest room to change into his new PJs. Once he came back, he showed the three others the PJs from every angle, making sure his boyfriends got a good look at his muscles while doing so as well. Patton was giggling whereas Logan and Virgil were smirking at his antics, all three used to the dramatic prince.

Next was Logan. He took his time unwrapping the gift before pulling out his own set of items. He picked up a tie that listed different elements from the periodic table. Virgil was sure there had to be some sort of pun in the tie’s design, but he wasn’t well versed in… well, science in general. There was a groan from the tie-clad man which was proof enough for Virgil to know the pun existed. There were also socks, a galaxy pen, a ‘tears of my students’ mug, and even a mug warmer.

“While I loathe to finding a joke on the tie, I do enjoy these gifts. Thank you, Patton.”

“What’s the joke!” Roman squealed.

“Iodine. Lithium. Uranium. Vanadium. Cobalt. Fluorine. Iron”

“In English, Microsoft Nerd!”

Patton was giggling as he answered. “I luv coffe(e)! The symbols spell I luv coffee!”

Virgil was last. He ripped open the gift to find a giant blanket. It was designed just like his patch-work jacket and Virgil could have sworn that this was the softest thing to ever exist... alright, second softest as Patton was without a doubt the softest and sweetest. Patton was watching him worriedly as the anxious man ran his hand over the blanket. Without a word, Virgil swung the giant blanket around himself and just seemed to vanish into the mass of fluff, sending the other men in the room into a fit of laughter.

“Prepare yourselves, my beloved royalty!”

****

2 Years Ago: The shared apartment living room

“You fiend! Why do you besmirch the name of Disney every time we watch something!”

“Not my fault you started this marathon and it is definitely not my fault that you started the argument with Cinderella, claiming that you only need to believe in your dreams for them to come true instead of trying to actively attain them. Either stop screaming about arguable statements and put in The Lion King or sit here letting me ruin Disney for you.”

Roman grumbled but did get up from the couch to change DVD’s. It was a relatively calm evening in their apartment, at least it was for the two of them alone. Logan and Patton were at the library. Patton was with a study group and Logan, who didn’t want Patton coming home on his own, was studying on his own until the study group were done. That left Roman and Virgil with the apartment for the evening, and they’d used it to binge-watch Disney movies.

Riiiiiiiiing. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

“Tell the nerds to pick up pizza, Count Woelaf!” Roman called as Virgil automatically answered his phone.

“Did you really think I won’t find out! Virgil, the homosexual beast!”

With some strange sound escaping his throat, Virgil threw his phone across the living room as his body forgot how to breathe. He could hear a voice screaming his name and that only made breathing harder to achieve. His thoughts were spiraling and his world collapsing.

“Vee, please!”

They knew! They knew he was gay! He knew it was only a matter of time before they found out, but he had been so careful to keep that day from coming yet!

“Oh, what was it Logan said to do?”

How long did he have until everything changed? How long until what little love they had for him was gone?

“Virgil, can you… uhh… name five things you hear? No, see! Five things you can see?”

Some words spilled out of Virgil’s mouth, momentarily pausing the spiral before it came back. They are going to cut him off. Everyone would know by the end of the day. Whoever was trying to get him to list things would be gone just like them!

“Yikes, alright. Umm… Oh! Virgil, you have to agree with me now that Prince Charming kissing Snow White was sweet and an incredible moment, right?”

They knew, so some comment about a movie shouldn’t bother him right now! “No.”

“But it was a farewell kiss! What is more romantic than that!”

This doesn’t matter right now! “Consent! Not kissing dead people!”

Slowly, the bickering about Disney managed to knock Virgil out of his spiral. Roman looked desperate but also happy? Since when did Princey like hearing the dark side of Disney? Later, Virgil would admit that, though an unusual approach, Roman’s way did help him ground himself. Right now, though, they argued until Rafiki started to mess around with Simba.

“Wait, I didn’t realize Patton was in this movie.” Virgil offered as a weak joke.

“I can see PatDad as Rafiki. What about Lo-bot? Who do you think he’d be?”

“Zazu. And before you ask, you are a combination of Timon and Pumbaa”

Roman gave a huge, mock gasp. “Excuse me! Why would you not make me the King of Pride Rock!?”

“Because Mufasa is too kind and humble for you and honestly? I can see you 100% dressing in drag and doing the hula like Timon as a distraction. As it is, you did storm Pat and my history class dressed as Aladdin and started singing ‘I Can Show You the World’ to Pat all because Pat was having an off day. Then, when our professor became furious, you started belting out ‘Proud of Your Boy’–which I remind you again is from the musical not the original Disney film!”

“OK fine, what the that make you then?”

“Simba, of course. He ran from his problems, blamed himself for everything when it was really Scar’s fault, and randomly joined some bug-eating hippies in the jungle. Simba is me just as The Lion King is Hamlet.”

“You have gone too far! How dare you equate Timon and Pumbaa to hippies!”

“Really, that’s where you draw the line?

“Guess who brought home Chinese Take-Out!” a voice called as Lo and Pat appeared, bringing a couple of bags over to the coffee table.

Their appearance threw Roman into La La Land for a moment, but he promptly wailed out once he realized what they were having for dinner. “But pizzzzzzzzzzza!”

“What about pizza?” Logan asked as Roman promptly collected his share of food.

“Nooooooooooooooo! We forgot to call you!” Roman sounded like he was close to crying, though he was already raising a bite of rice to his mouth.

Patton giggled. “Sorry, we apparently didn’t get your telepathic message, RoRo. I did get you pot stickers though.”

An actual tear escaped the dramatic man’s face as he wailed. “I foooorgive yoooooooooooooooooooooooooou!”

****

Present

“Alright, Puffball first!”

Roman handed Patton a bag. Pat was wiggling with excitement as he opened the bag and pulled out the paper stuffing. Inside were four stuffed animals, each one dressed like each of them. A dog with its tongue sticking out had Pat’s glasses, light blue polo shirt and a little gray cardigan around its shoulders. A lion had a crown, prince costume, and even a fake little sword. A normal looking teddy bear had Logan’s black polo with a tie, glasses, and tiny watch. The final one was a kitten with a black hoodie and headphones.

“Press the kitten’s paw, Patty-Cake!”

Virgil was not amused to hear his own voice hissing come out of the kitten. Patton, on the other hand, absolutely loved it. Roman admitted that the others weren’t as convincing as the hiss, but Patton didn’t care; the four stuffed animals were in his arms and probably weren’t going to leave for the next several hours.

“OK, I’m actually proud of this one, Nerd.” He announced handing Logan a highly decorated box.

Logan opened it and made a small sound of appreciation at the books. “Bill Nye and Neil deGrasse Tyson. Thank you- “

“Look inside at the title pages, Lo!”

The man blinked but did as told. He froze after seeing the first one for a moment. Quickly, he checked the second one before just sitting there in shock. Roman was watching him in excitement.

“Well?”

“Did you really have Bill Nye and Neil deGrasse Tyson sign each other’s book?”

“What.”

Without another word, Logan showed the rest of the room the front page of the Tyson book where Bill Nye’s signature proudly sat. Roman looked like someone had slapped him with a fish. Virgil emerged from his blanket, laughing so hard, he didn’t even notice he’d emerged from his soft lair. Patton had a huge smile as soft giggles escaped from him.

“Regardless, I will enjoy reading these. Thank you, Roman. The signatures are also greatly appreciated.”

“Vee’s turn!” Pat called out.

Roman passed Virgil another bag, his mind running around in circles in disbelief of his mistake. Virgil accepted the bag and found a small wooden music box and a small metal container. Inside the container were extra tune things for the music box. The one already inside the music box was ‘Hakuna Matata,’ so Virgil had a suspicion that the other ones were also Disney.

Once again, he vanished into his giant blanket without a word, but the other three could hear the little music box playing from the blanket mound, with a soft voice singing along.

****

1 year ago: Their living room.

“Uhh… Virgil, might I have a word with you?”

Virgil paused the movie he was watching. “What’s up, L?”

Logan shifted uncertainly before clearing his throat. “I happened to have found a stack of unopened letters, addressed to you. They were almost covering an opened one in the trash.”

“They are in the trash for a reason, Logan. Throw them back.”

“I was merely wondering if you would like to talk…”

“If I wanted to talk about it, I would have said something. I’m dealing with it.”

Without letting Logan say another word, Virgil turned the movie back on. Logan tried to say something else but ultimately decided to shut his mouth and join Virgil on the couch. The tension between the two men slowly eased as Rapunzel celebrated with the villagers and stood up for herself to Gothel.

Logan cleared his throat, which instantly made Virgil go tense again. “What is that inconsequential game Roman and you insistently play? Which film character each of you are? If you would not mind, I would like to partake in this fatuous game for this film.”

Of all the things that had suddenly started racing through Virgil’s mind, this was not remotely what he expected. “Umm… Sure, Lo? Let’s hear your character study.”

“While I do not see simple correlations between the characters and the rest of us, I do see a lot of you in Rapunzel.”

“What, because I like hitting people with frying pans? I would have thought you’d say Patton for her. She is a bit too trusting of people and yet draws out the best in them. She even got a pub full of hardened criminals to sing about their dreams with her.”

Logan tilted his head, considering this. “That is in fact true, but she did not know any better. That puts her in stark contrast to Patton, who has at least admitted that he knows that they may be dangerous, but he gives the benefit of the doubt as some people just need kindness shown to them. No, I believe you are most like Rapunzel. Gothel has psychologically abused Rapunzel, presumably since kidnapping her, in a similar way to how they… I mean society has attempted to do towards you. If I am not mistaken, earlier in this film, she in essence has a break down whether she should have stayed within the tower or was right to leave. Has this not been a similar dilemma you have faced, having left your hometown?”

Virgil considered it for a moment. “Well…”

“Gothel has taught Rapunzel that she could be nothing and especially nothing more than what Gothel said she could be. Gothel is wrong though. Rapunzel is more than just her magic hair and has to leave to be able to full learn this.” Virgil could almost hear Logan’s mind piecing together movie points to what he really wanted to say to Virgil. “Yes, she could have been a bit naïve with her actions, not realizing any better due to Gothel’s strict hold over her views. Yet, that nativity in the end is what helps her realize the ways Gothel was an abusive parent because she came to see what kindness and what true love were supposed to feel like. She was miserable when she returned to the tower and could see through Gothel’s perfunctory love. Rapunzel had to learn to develop her own views and beliefs independent of her abusive adopted mother.”

Quietly, Virgil picked at his jacket, thinking over what Logan was saying. “I guess.”

“Well, I guess I concede and allow you to voice your view points on who is who.” Logan commented, his voice attempting to hold enthusiasm, but failing.

“Oh, that’s easy. Patton and I already assigned everyone years ago. Princey is Flynn Rider for the sole quote of ‘here comes the smolder’ along with essentially a pouty face. Patton agrees with you on me being Rapunzel. Something about him never being able to beat people up with anything, much less something as useful as a frying pan. Meanwhile, Patty-cake is Pascal, who does what he can to cheer Rapunzel on and threatens Flynn and Maximus when they are fighting. You are Maximus, dedicated to your work but also willing to bend the rules for a good reason.”

“Well then... I do not understand this film enough to refute those points, so I shall concede to your points. However, I will say this, about the letters, before leaving it alone. Please, if nothing else, do not leave us on read. We only wish to help you yeet your unwanted tea. We Stan you, Virgil. I hope you are woke to this.”

“Logan, I swear, if you have those note cards out and ever attempt to use that much slang in one sentence again…”

“I am merely only collecting receipts and flexing. Is this not how it goes?”

“Stooooooooooop” but the smile sitting on Virgil’s face showed Logan that he was doing something right on this comforting thing.

****

Present

“I suppose that it is now my turn.” Logan commented.

He moved and collected a neat stack of presents, wrapped in shimmering navy wrapping paper. Once Logan hand handed each of the boyfriends their present, he sat down. Virgil wasn’t sure how Logan even knew which gift was whose as there seemed to be no difference or name written on the package now in his lap compared to the others.

Pat was once again giggling as he tore open the gift. A book and kitchen apron were ripped out of the box by the squealing man. He announced the book title of some healthy-eating cookbook before unfolding the apron and giving out another squeal. He flipped the apron to show the words ‘Many have eaten here, few have died. Whichever it is tonight, I’ll see you on the flipside!’.

Once the excited man had finally calmed down, Roman destroyed the wrappings on his gift to reveal a nice suit and an additional envelope. Ro was confused as he opened the envelope before letting out a squeal that could have put up a decent fight with Patton’s squeals.

“TICKETS TO SEE HAMILTON! HOW DID YOU EVEN GET THESE? WHEN IS IT? ARE WE ALL GOING?”

Logan chuckled. “One of my coworkers has a cousin who performs in Hamilton and they owed me for something at work. Unless you wish to take others with you, I had assumed it would be the four of us. I am sorry to say that you will have to wait a month as everything will be cheaper once the holidays are over.”

“A weekend getaway with my three amazing boyfriends to Broadway!” Roman screeched looking ready to shoot through the roof in excitement. "YAAAAS!"

“Ohhhh. What did you get, Vee?” Patton asked excitedly.

All eyes turned towards the wrapped-up man. He let out a laugh before opening his present. Inside were a set of headphones and a gift card. Virgil glanced at the gift card, pleased to see it was for his favorite art supplies store. The headphones were everything Virgil could have wished for and more. They were sound-canceling. They had a good sound frequency, sensitivity, and resistance, which were all important for sound. They were wireless but with an optional wired-in line. Virgil did not know where Logan found what was essentially the epitome of headphones, but Virgil found himself falling even more in love with the nerd.

“I love them, thank you, Lo.”

“Your turn, VeeVee!” Patton announced excitedly.

****

3 months ago: leaving a movie theater

“I cannot believe you, My Chemical Romance! You are already plotting with Specs to ruin the masterpiece we just saw!” Roman announced, turning his phone onto the two following him.

“We are not plotting, merely discussing the inconsistencies and flaws within the film, unlike you and Patton, who are discussing the adorable-ness of the animal companion to the princess.” Logan calmly answered.

“OK, not to intrude or anything, but PUPPY!” Patton screeched before yanking Roman after him as Pat ran across the street to pet the dog.

Roman’s arm waved his phone as he was dragged off to the dog. Virgil could only laugh at how the video he was recording would turn out, knowing full well what the Prince was attempting to do. Not that recording their discussion would prepare the Prince for all the darker messages Virgil had scribbled into a tiny notebook just to taunt him with during the movie.

“Well, the light has changed, so I guess we will have to wait to follow them.” Logan commented, simply.

“Guess we have a chance to continue our conversation without a nosey prince berating us for analyzing the movie. So, the princess: guilable victim or mastermind genius?”

Logan considered it. “Well, I would say somewhere in the middle, especially with Disney’s attempts to create more realistic characters.”

They talked while waiting for the light. Logan only paused as he stepped off the curb before continuing with his analysis. Virgil could tell that the nerd was only getting started and was excited to see how the Noble Prince Whines A Lot took it while they ate dinner. Yet, he wasn’t so excited that he wasn’t aware of his surroundings.

“LOGAN!” the scream was ripped from his lips as he shoved the nerd back towards the curl they had left.

Then, the world went dark.

Virgil awoke to a persistent beeping, sniffles, and the smell of alcohol. His eyes focused on a plain white ceiling as his memories slammed into him, much like that car. He shut his eyes for a moment, before opening them to find the source of the sniffles.

“’at?” his throat was scratchy but the man in the chair next to him wasn’t looking at him.

The sobbing man jumped as if shocked by electricity. “VIRGIL!”

“’at’s mah ‘ame.”

More sobs escaped the man as he threw himself onto Virgil, forgetting about the anxious man’s injuries, lines attached to him, or even Virgil’s need to breathe. Patton was a sobbing mess as he held onto Virgil, blabbering about everything and nothing all at once. Virgil was tempted to point out that he was the one hurt, but he knew that his boyfriends would have had to suffer seeing him hurt, so he kept his mouth shut.

“Patton, the nurses are becoming irate with you. Please keep it down or they’ll kick all of us out.” Logan’s voice came from somewhere to Virgil’s left.

“Uh… Padre, we’re all upset, but you shouldn’t be laying on top of Vee. Not if we want him to wake up.” Roman’s voice commented.

Another shock of electricity ran through Patton. “OH! I’m so so so sorry, VeeVee! I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“Pat…”

“‘m OK.” Virgil answered.

He heard something drop before Logan and Roman were now surrounding his bed, shock and hope on their faces. Virgil looked at each of them before offering a weak smile. Each went to work ensuring that he was alright and not in any drastic pain or anything like that. For his part, Virgil just continued smiling at them, knowing that he may hate their babying soon enough, but appreciating their concern and worry nonetheless.

Eventually, a police officer came to question him about what he remembered. The officer wound up having Logan and Roman go with him as they had more of the story than Virgil–who had been unconscious– and Patton–who had been absorbed by the dog until the hit and run was essentially over, only having looked up after Virgil had screamed Logan’s name.

Other than the officer, there was little other than the distractions from the three other men. Occasionally, a doctor or nurse would come by, but otherwise nothing else really happened. And that stayed true for three whole days. Virgil loved Lo, Pat, and Ro, but he was starting to need a small break, even from them.

For their part, the three boyfriends were just relieved Virgil was going to be alright. They’d barely slept or eaten since the accident. Logan was constantly in a near panic attack, knowing that Virgil had saved his life at the cost of bodily harm. Roman felt as though he had failed his Dark Prince. What good was a knight to his lover if he couldn’t keep his lover from harm? And Patton… Patton was just a wreck. He felt guilty as if he were the one to hit Virgil. So, if the three of them asked if Virgil needed anything every few minutes or asked if he was in pain or everything else they’ve been doing, while who could blame them?

A voice that had only appeared in Virgil’s nightmares for the past two years tore through the air when the four boyfriends were relaxing after the latest news that Virgil should be ready to head home soon. “Pity. You’re still alive.”

Virgil promptly curled in on himself once he registered the speaker. “What are you doing here?”

“Had to see for myself the damage done to the disgrace that became of my son.” The man commented. “By the way, did you know that your disgrace was the final straw for my wife? Couldn’t handle having something like you as a child, I suppose.”

The three uninjured boyfriends glanced at each other, the same message written on each of their faces: this is Virgil’s abusive father? Without a thought, each moved between the man and their fourth partner, not caring what relation this man was to Virgil. Virgil seemed to be terrified of him, and that was enough. Though being fair, Lo and Ro were already mentally planning the best ways to punish him for the abuse they knew of.

“How did you even know I was hurt?” Virgil’s voice suddenly demanded.

“Wait, it was you who drove straight into Virgil!” Logan’s voice was ice.

The man hummed before commenting. “I was looking to kill two disgraces in one hit, but we don’t get what we want, I guess.”

“I think this is a new one for me.”

The man spun around and slammed right into the officer. The officer was coming back to tell the injured man that there was some success in running a plate captured by mere coincidence by Roman. Yet, a confession in an open place? Works for them, the officer supposed.

“You are under arrest for attempted murder.” The officer clipped some handcuffs onto the man.

Once things were protocol-fulfilled, the officer grinned at the boyfriends. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a criminal gloating to his victim as I happen to be visiting with updates.”

The officer and the man were gone before Virgil had actually processed the timing miracle he had just witnessed. Maybe fate was finally throwing him a small sliver of a bone. He wasn’t going to question it. He wasn’t going to poke it with a fifty-foot stick. He would just accept this one thing and happily not look the gift horse in the mouth… Though Logan would definitely look into the literal meaning of that phrase and point out everything confusing and wrong with a confused look on his face. This mental image of a confused Logan with the other two giggling at his confusion was enough to shock Virgil back into himself and start to weakly laugh.

The three other boyfriends looked at him in a terrified confusion before joining in his weak laughter, believing that this was from relief that he would never be harmed again by his horrid parents rather than love of his partners.

Once he was released, the three boyfriends went to work on ‘Plan Take Care of VeeVee’. He wasn’t even allowed to go to the kitchen without one of them insistently helping or trying to take care of it for him. Like he expected, Virgil became tired of their babying of him, but it was alright.

Everything would be alright.

****

Present

Virgil gulped as he pulled the three gifts closer to his chest. “Before I hand them over, I would like to ask that you three open them at the same time, OK?”

Each nodded and accepted the gift he handed each. They instantly could tell their gift was on some sort of canvas, but other than that, they were unsure what each would be. Virgil didn’t sit back down in his spot but stood before the three of them. He was shaking but was not going to let his fear drag him down any longer.

“Alright, you can open them.”

Each opened their gifts to find a painting in them. Patton’s painting was an image of Lilo and Stitch performing a hula dance. The Ohana quote was decoratively hidden in the ocean waters as they danced. For Roman, it was a picture of Pride Rock with Simba letting out a roar while his friends stood behind him. Then, for Logan, it was a painting of the lanterns lifting into the sky, lanterns that held not the sun symbol but rather a brain with glasses.

Logan looked up to compliment the painting he had received when something on the back of Patton’s canvas caught his eye. “Patton, place your painting down, backside up! You too, Roman!”

The other two looked confused until they noticed the words carefully written on the back of each of them.

Patton’s: Will you

Roman’s: marry

Logan’s: me?

The three of them looked up to Virgil, who had sunk to one knee while they examined the paintings. He was holding a box open before them with four rings inside: a ring in each of their favorite colors. Virgil was trembling so bad, some small part in the back of his mind worried he was about to pass out, but he had to do this.

“I love all three of you more than I thought possible to love anyone. We’ve spent an amazing four years dating and I want to have more. So, will the three of you marry me?”

The room was silent for what felt like eternity before Roman let out a miserable wail. “Nooooooooo!”

Something in Virgil shattered but Roman was already on his feet. “Noooooooooooo! I can’t believe this! I was going to propose on Valentine’s Day! It was supposed to be the perfect proposal too! Dinner and flowers and everything. But you beat me! How could you do this to me, Virgil!”

Patton let out a small giggle. “Sorry to disappoint you, Ro, but if VeeVee hadn’t beaten you to it, I would have. I was planning on asking after dinner tonight, right before dessert.”

Logan fixed his glassed. “And I, at risk of appearing sentimental, had planned on asking at midnight on New Year’s Eve.”

“So,” Virgil’s voice was barely more than a scared whisper. “Is that actually a yes from you three?”

“Of course, my dashing and noble prince! Why would you have assumed otherwise!” Roman announced.

“Because the moment after I asked, you screamed no but then started ranting about something while I attempted to pull myself together in time to hear about Pat’s plans”

“Oh,” Princey went pale realizing that was not the time for dramatics. “Sorry, my Dark Prince, I did not mean that. Yes, of course I will marry you! It is a thousand yesses from me! Nay, a million! A billion! An infinitive amount of yesses!”

“The usage of yesses sounds incorrect but I cannot think of the proper plural for yes. In answer to your proposal, Virgil, I also say yes, though will refrain from the absurdity Roman is going on about.”

Rather than give an answer, Paton yanked Roman and Logan with him as he threw himself at Virgil. They collapsed into a giant cuddle pile as Patton started singsongingly screaming “We’re getting married! We’re getting married!”

Virgil could only smile and cuddle with his fiancés. Later, Roman would screech about hanging the paintings in proper order of the secret words on the back. Patton and Logan would both sheepishly bring out their own boxes of rings, making Roman wail about having not gotten them their rings yet. They would celebrate their engagement and begin planning wedding details and whatever else. They may not have been the family who gave Virgil life, but they were the family he chose, and he would probably admit it to them once Roman had put enough alcohol in him in celebration of their engagement. But, in this moment, Virgil just clung to the three men who showed him what love was.

#romantic lamp #moxiety #prinxiety #Analogical #tw abusive parent #tw food #tw hit an run #tw anxiety attack #angst with a happy ending #tw implied suicide of off-screen OC #tw homophobic parent #tw alcohol mention #Sage writes

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bioloby · 7 years ago

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Gay Animals Part II: Electric Boogaloo, The Science of Gay, and You

Before I start this article off I’d like to lay a disclaimer: The reason behind why people are queer isn’t very well understood, but all science tries to do is understand the “why” of things and passes no judgment, regardless of the cause. If science said the homosexuality was 100% caused by watching too many cartoons (spoilers: it’s probably not) that information makes you no less you and it shouldn’t affect how you feel about yourself. But, as we will see, homosexuality is not only something incredibly prevalent in the animal kingdom, but is as accepted as any other trait an individual can express.

So, with all that being said, this article will deal with homosexuality, genetics, possible environmental factors, and its possible evolutionary benefits in nonhuman animals. Because the human brain is so much more complex than anything we’ve ever seen, and we still don’t know most of its secrets, it’s important to remember that what might be true for rams, penguins, or even our close relatives like bonobos, is not necessarily the case for humans. Nor should we look at other animals in a human-like manner. For instance, it’s entirely likely that gay animal couples pick up the slack for parents who abandoned their children. We can’t and shouldn’t look at them through a human filter, because it would be impossible to tell if they love each other as human couples (hopefully) do, or if their union is purely survival based. Humans might be the only creatures able to feel love, or it might be more prevalent that we are aware. Whatever the answer, it doesn’t matter here. All I will be doing is going over some of the facts that scientists know, and why this would matter to animals in the wild.

So if any of this makes you uncomfortable, then please skip this post. If you feel I’ve offended you somehow then please DM me and I’ll try to amend this the best I can. Otherwise please click the read more below.

Now homosexuality is kind of ambiguous of a term, and many scientists have conflated it with hermaphroditism, so to avoid confusion I am going to define homosexuality in the animal kingdom in two ways.

Same-sex, long-term courtship.

These are same-sex couples that act towards each other as a heterosexual couple would for at least one mating season.

Homosexual intercourse.

This can last for as long as one night of passion, or be a continuous trait in an individual.

I’m also going to consider bisexual animals on the homosexual spectrum.

PART I: The One With the Genes

Arguably one of the most powerful aspects of biology is evolution, and a key principle in evolution is detrimental traits are less likely to get passed down than traits that make it easier to survive and reproduce. So why is it then that homosexuality, a trait that seemingly provides no advantage to reproduction, is so prevalent not only in individuals but throughout the animal kingdom? If we assume that homosexuality is genetic (and there is good cause to believe that) then shouldn’t that gene cease to be passed down?

Most times the answer is yes, but sometimes if a gene benefits a whole population it will continue, even if some individuals are negatively affected by it. According to one study male homosexuality actually persists because of this very reason, not because it benefits the males, but because it benefits the females. According to the authors, homosexuality is more common in lineages with females who have high androphilic tendencies, that is, a high attraction to males. Now in males, this gene will manifest as a what appears to be homosexuality, but in females this heightened androphilia will manifest as an increased sex drive, making up for the male carriers.

This, of course, does not account for female homosexuality. Nor does it take into account possible environmental factors we’ll get into later. But it is important to highlight how evolution and nature look at traits. Under normal circumstances, unless a trait is highly deleterious (deadly to the individual) there won’t be enough pressure to remove it. But are these genes deleterious anyway? We’ve seen that they may play an important role when not being expressed as homosexuality, but it could play an equally as important role in homosexual animals.

PART II: The One With the Homosexual Helper

Animal preference and motivation are not always the same as it is in people. Swans mate for life. But is that because it makes it easier for them to find a mate in the future, or is it because they can feel a complex emotion like love? It’s impossible to say, so it’s impossible to know why animals do a lot of things. “But goddammit we’re going to try”, science said.

Take the humble penguin. In my last post, I wrote about how gay penguins will frequently “adopt” orphaned eggs and raise them as their own performing all of the same functions as a heterosexual couple would. Why then, waste resources raising something that’s not your own child?

According to Darwin, it’s not just individuals who evolve to protect their lineage, but groups that evolve to protect their species. This is largely the basis for theories on why altruism exists and can be applied here as well. Afterall, a homosexual couple is never going to produce a child, and if an egg or a baby is without a parent the option is left to die the population as a whole will have lost a child. But if a couple unable to conceive their own adopts it, then that is a net gain for the population as a whole. Thus, the population that keeps these genes that reciprocate this kind of altruism is more fit to survive than a population that doesn't. And the adoption phenomenon can often be seen in non-homosexual individuals as well, but it demonstrates a good example of how altruistic genes can help a species grow even at the cost of fitness to the individual.

PART III: The One With the Sexual Leverage

Nature is a fickle mistress, and she does not subscribe to one dogma. Sexuality, while predominantly used for creating the next generation, has been appropriated by many species as a form of leverage, bonding, the assertion of dominance, and even used to take the place of an all-out brawl. So it’s no surprise then that homosexual acts are used in a similar fashion. This is also where the motivating factors of homosexuality moves away from a possible genetic or natural cause and towards as more psychological reason. Take, for instance, the bonobo. This species seems to be functionally bisexual, using sexuality for control rather than attraction. In one instance a bonobo might have sex with their opposite gender for the reason most animals would, to make a baby. In the next instance, that same ape might get into a disagreement with an ape of the same gender. These two apes, instead of fighting, will use sex as a way of diffusing and diverting attention from the disagreement. And yet these two acts of sexual intercourse are entirely unrelated, and likely evolved for those specific scenarios.

And this is true in plenty of other animals as well, dogs will mount other dogs regardless of gender to show dominance. Marmots mount other marmots as a form of bonding. Dolphins will have sex with the same gender for fun, and then sex up the opposite gender for reproduction. The common trend it seems is that animals who are more sexually fluid, or bisexual, leverage their sexuality for personal gain, whether it be bonding, pleasure, or something else. While animals who remain uniquely homosexual have a more positive effect on the population’s fitness as a whole.

PART IV: The Scientific Community and Homosexuality: Do They Know Things? What Do They Know? Let’s Find Out.

Finally, I’d like to conclude with some talk about where scientists think homosexuality falls on the nature/nurture spectrum. Studies have shown identical twins are more likely to both be gay than fraternal twins, meaning that sexuality is almost certainly somewhat controlled by genetics, and this, of course, makes sense based on what we’ve seen and I’ve just talked about. Conversely, there are hormonal, as well as environmental, factors that may also contribute to homosexuality.

While most researchers agree that sexuality is innate, something that develops at an early age, possibly before cognition and doesn’t change throughout one’s lifetime, they are still hard pressed to figure out why. While it is unlikely that parenting has any effect on sexuality, parents can still influence sexuality. Several studies have shown that the each child born in a family line has an increased chance of being homosexual. For instance, the 7th son will be more likely to be gay than the 2nd son, etc. This is suggested to be likely due to prenatal hormones, but the exact reason is yet unknown.

And while homosexuality is innate, homophobia is not. In fact, while it’s likely every species has some homosexual members to it, humans are the only species with homophobic members. Much of what we know about homosexuality is stifled by human biases and irrational fears, something we’ll go over in the last part of this series.

CONCLUSION

So why does knowing the cause of homosexuality matter? Well besides intellectual curiosity, something that science is very fond of, it’s important to have facts. Over the past 50 years, we’ve seen huge leaps in rights for minorities, and that is a change that is still happening. As a society, we’re seeing growing pains. Where many embrace the change towards tolerance with opened arms, either because it affects them directly or because they have empathy for their fellow man, many are resistant to change something that they’ve never seen as broken. So it never hurts to have some objective fact reinforcing a new idea, and where better to get that objectivity than science.

#bioblog #gay animals #gay pride month #homosexuality #animals #before your send me your hate mail #I am asexual and biromantic

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yamsfreckles-archive · 7 years ago

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Omg I hope it’s not too personal to ask about ur experience leaving the Mormon church; I was going to an lds church for a hot second and just oh god no

Thank you so much for your patience with me taking so long to answer this! Moving is stressful af (Also I hope you don’t mind that I’m answering this publicly. I rarely talk about this huge part of my life, but I feel it’s important for others to know before making a decision on joining a religion)

I grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Usually called the LDS Church, or often just the “Mormon Church”). I was “born in the Covenant”, which is just a fancy way of saying my family was already members of the church when I was born. So basically, the mormon church and culture framed my Entire Life from the moment I was born until I officially resigned from the religion a year and a half ago.

The core principal of mormanism is The Plan of Salvation - basically the idea that we were predestined in our pre-mortal lives to come to Earth and be tested, and if we remain faithful for our whole lives, when we die we will be exalted to the highest degree and have our family with us for all eternity. (Also there are three kingdoms of exaltation, and the highest one has three layers to it, and if you are in the highest layer of the highest kingdom then you actually get to create your own universe [if you’re a man] and become the God of that universe. If you’re a woman then your eternal duty is to bare children for your God-husband and populate that universe and never really be acknowledged lmao). Although that last fact isn’t super well known in the church doctrine.

The mormon church follows the Bible like most Christian religions, but they also follow a separate book called “The Book of Mormon”, which the church authorities refer to as “the most correct of any book on Earth”. The Book of Mormon is all about how a righteous family left Jerusalem before it was destroyed and built a boat and sailed to the Americas where there was a war and half of the family descendants - the Lamanites - were evil and sought to bring down the kingdom of God, while the other half - the Nephites - were righteous to a fault. The Lamanites ended up getting struck with “blackness” for their sins so that they could be told apart from the white, and therefore good, Nephites. Church authorities in the past have claimed that the Lamanites were the direct ancestors of the Native Americans. Which is hugely racist and disgusting to say, because the book literally said that black skin would show “their abominations”. (But hey this church has been openly racist, sexist, and homophobic since its conception so big surprise there)

Anyway, there is a lot more doctrine and I could spend an eternity writing about it because it gets me so angry, but I feel this answer is already going to be fucking long enough so I’ll just leave those two points. Though if you want to know more about the church’s history with racism or sexism, let me know!

So like I said, I was born into this church and I was baptised at eight years old (the age of accountability) to become an official member of the church. I was completely in love with the church. It gave me purpose and friends. If you live in Utah or Idaho, Mormonism is the primary religion and you can’t go two blocks without seeing a church building.

When I got to high school I attended Seminary every day (basically church school for teens) and my senior year I was actually on the seminary council - a group of kids who got their kicks because they were the most righteous. That was the year I started to doubt, and doubt hard. Everything on the surface of the church seemed good and nice, but there were little things here and there that bothered me. I was told to “doubt my doubts before I doubted my faith” and that if I sought the Lord in sincere prayer, that he would answer me and I would know for sure the church was true.

And I did pray. I prayed and fasted and did everything I could. I read my scriptures and attended church and did the best I could in my church callings. I never received an answer. And of course that made me feel like I wasn’t trying hard enough. So I doubled my efforts and ended up having a nervous breakdown because I was a doubter and God didn’t want to speak to me because of that.

Around this same time I was also starting to come to terms with my sexuality which only made me feel worse about the whole thing, because homosexuality is a sin in mormonism, as it is in most major Christian religions.

Finally after a full year of radio silence from God despite my best efforts and humbling myself and truly wanting an answer, I started to research on my own. If God wasn’t going to give me the answers I needed, then I was going to find them for myself. And thanks to my research, I came to the conclusion that none of it was true. Which makes it sound like an easy process, but it took a long time and it emotionally hurt me reading so many contradictory things. Because I had truly loved the church. When I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t true, I honestly felt like a part of me had died.

After my revelation I went away to college and cut myself off from the church. I made some amazing friends who helped me realize how awesome being gay is, and that no religion can determine my worth. But I still felt the loss of the church and ended up in a huge depressive episode that ultimately made me drop out of college. I’m still trying to pick up the pieces of my life and consolidate everything I know with my relationships with my loved ones who still believe. The guilt-trips I got from family and “friends” when I stopped going to church were insane.

And then a new policy was released in November of 2016 stating that if a child of a gay couple wanted to join the church, they could not be baptised until they were 18, and they had to publicly disavow their parents’ lifestyle before they would be allowed to join the church. The church was literally making children turn on their loving parents to join a church. The effects of this policy were horrendous. There was a spike in Utah lgbt teen suicides as a result. I was horrified and disgusted, and that’s when I decided that, even though I hadn’t been to church in years and that I knew it was absolute garbage, I could not have my name tied in any way to this organization. So I drafted a formal resignation letter to send to the church administration building and demanded that they take my name off their membership records.

I’m still facing repercussions for that decision from family members. To a lot of them, it’s like I’ve died. Because to resign from the church means you cancel all the effects of baptism and any saving ordinance you received while a member. Meaning, I won’t be exalted and I won’t be with my family forever when I die. And even though I know it’s not true, it was such a huge aspect of my life and personality from the day I was born, that I’ve struggled having an identity since I left. Having a spiritual crisis seems like an easy thing on paper, but it is so much more complex than a lot people make it out to be. Right now I don’t have the ability to see a future for myself where I am finally done being affected by mormonism, but every day I get a step closer if that makes sense.

This answer has been long enough, so I didn’t have a chance to touch on the abuses within the church, gaslighting, magical underwear, how the church is actively covering up and excusing sexual assault, how children as young as 12 are subjected to private worthiness interviews where sexually explicit questions may be asked by an adult man, how the first Prophet of the church who “translated” the Book of Mormon was a treasure hunter who had multiple wives and married girls as young as 14 years old, or eternal polygamy (not the same as polyamory which I fully support mind you). Plus much much more. My research was extensive.

But hopefully that gives you a “brief” explanation of my experience escaping from the mormon cult.

#cucorules #ER answers #this really was much much longer than i intended it to be im so sorry #i just started typing and it was like word vomit #guess thats what I get for repressing it and not openly speaking about it lmao #not hq

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the-rainbow-shaka-brah · 7 years ago

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(I have no idea how to title this because well, this post is going to get kinda personal)

Life is Strange saved my life. Now I know what you're thinking, how could a video game save someone's life. Well, here's the thing... it's not just a game... it's an experience, one that got me back on the right path in life.

Before I found Life is Strange I was very depressed, like... dark thoughts depressed and... I remember searching through Jacksepticeye's playlist collection at 2 o'clock in the morning for something to watch and finding three 2 hour videos about a game I had never heard of and frankly had no interest in. I figured I'd just watch it until I was bored out of my mind and eventually fell asleep, but what I found was amazing.

I was hooked on Doctor Who at the time and loved anything that had to do with time travel, so when I first saw our shy cliche hipster protagonist... I felt...connected, like... I had something in common with this character. And sure enough, Max and I share a lot of the same fear, we're both talkative and quiet all at the same time. And we had one person in life... that after years apart, opened our hearts. Unfortunately, I realized my true feeling too late and we haven’t spoken in almost 3 years.

Anyways, I watch all the videos (Chrysalis- Chaos Theory) and immediately fell in love. I didn't start out shipping Pricefield, because well, homosexuality was still kinda new to me. I grew up with... I don't want to say homophobic but yeah, parents who didn't really teach or tell me anything about girls liking girls and boys liking boys. But by the time I played Episode 5: Polarized and watched Max and Chloe kiss... like... kiss for reals, it didn't seem weird. It felt so natural and normal and...oddly comforting.

I started to think why that was.

Let's just say the game made me look at my whole life and re-evaluate it. I saw that throughout my whole life... I've liked both boys and girls.

The realization was shocking and frankly, it scared me absolutely shitless.

So I hid my discovery for months, unsure how to... tell my parents that I was... well, what ever I was.

When I finally came out, my mom was...shocked I guess, she didn't really have a reaction and neither did my dad. They both said not to think too much about it, that I shouldn't rush into decisions like that. While writing this right now, I realized that... They didn't want me to be the way I am... and that sucks because come on... parents always tell you never to be ashamed of who you are.

I struggled for a whole year, forced to keep my newfound identity a secret. My parents closeted me and that's so not right. I became depressed to the point where I started thinking about my life’s worth, and if it was really worth anything. I made the mistake of telling my parents and they, of course, said that if I was having those thoughts they’d send me away to a medical facility or something. So I lied and said that I simply meant I felt like I was losing sight of what I wanted to do with my life. They believed me and the matter was dropped. So I continued to suffer in silence.

So, I guess as a coping mechanism, I started writing my fears into my Life is Strange fan fiction and well, it helped... a lot. I started talking to the kind people over at LifeisStrangeFans.com and found so much support, people who accept and are okay with who I am.

As of March 23, 2017, I came out to the rest of my family as Bisexual, everyone is... well struggling with it. My mother seems to be the one struggling the most, even comparing having my pride flag hanging up on the wall to having a swastika up. I don't understand her and she doesn't understand me, maybe we're not meant to, but I hope someday in the future we can settle our differences and become the strong family we once were.

The rest of my family though... shit, don’t even get me started. My grandparents were devastated and completely denied my sexuality, and I haven’t really heard from them since. My uncle dissed me on Facebook and... not even bothering to say my name (if he was trying not to out me I get that but saying “At least you were raised right” to my friend is hella fucked up).

Life is Strange has been there for me, the game has given me a wonderful fandom that hungers for new content and I'm glad I'm able to contribute.

I started writing Life is Strange Fan fiction in 2016, shortly after the Episode 5 finale. I, like many, was greatly disappointed in the “Sacrifice Arcadia Bay” ending so, I set out to make it better. In its earliest variation, my first fan fiction “The Calm Before The Storm” [Which is currently being rewritten (again)] was only 7 chapters long. Now, almost a year later, it’s complete, coming in at a total of 78 chapters. Wowser. I’ve grown as a person since then, mentally and emotionally.

In my newest fic #NoFilter, I deal with much darker topics than in my original “fluff fest” of a fan fic. For one, I wrote both Max and Chloe to have dark pasts, full of pain and hurt. Thankfully, most of the things they experianced have not happened to me, but some of them have. (spoilers) Both Max and Chloe are suicidal (Max being passive, Chloe being semi-agressive), and that’s something I’m still, to this day, dealing with. This story is my therapy, this game has been my therapy. This game means everything to me... it’s basically the reason I’m still here writing this today

I don’t want to sound all self centered or anything, but I highly recomened reading said fics. Here’s the link (if anyone has even read this far) if you’re interested.

“The Calm Before The Storm”:

Wattpad

FanFic.Net

“#NoFilter”

Wattpad

FanFic.net (This one’s hard to read at first cause I was still getting used to using this site but it gets better around Chapter 10)

So... thanks to anyone who read this... i don’t have a lot of people to vent to nowadays...

#mads rants #mads tries to explain life #life is strange #suicide mention #asdfghjkl #life #family #homophobic family #whateverthefuck i am my fam hates me #journal?

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sexedforthelastinbed-blog · 5 years ago

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Bisexuality

One of the worlds most pressing questions seems to be whether or not bisexuality actually exists. People who identity as bisexual have had to defend their sexuality since 1950 “when Alfred Kinsey of the University of Indiana, America’s first scientific sex researcher, argued in favor of a “sexual continuum” (Castleman, 2014). Soon after the Kinsey scale was created, scientist all over found ways to discredit him. “Their dismissals rested on three arguments: Bisexuals were heterosexuals who were “just experimenting.” Bisexuals were people confined in single-gender institutions (prisons, monasteries) who reluctantly made do with the only available gender. Bisexuals were homosexuals who did not want to be stigmatized as such, and so they feigned attraction to the opposite sex” (Castleman, 2014). Unfortunately, after all of this time, bisexual people are still not getting the representation and awareness that they deserve. The following interview questions expose the exclusivity and bi-erasure in sex-ed.

Khalessi:

At what age did you take sex ed?

We didn’t have it. My friend gave me a sex ed talk when I was a junior. We were hanging out in my garage and she asked me if I’d had the talk.

What were your major takeaways from sex ed?

The assumed in Texas is just, “Don’t do it.” There was never a spoken thing.

Did you feel like your sexual identity was being represented?

No, we didn’t have it, and I wasn’t really sure yet.

Did you feel like your sexuality influenced how you took in the information?

I wasn’t really sure yet.

Did you feel like your sex ed class influenced how you perceived your own sexuality?

I wasn’t really sure yet.

Was there anything about sex ed or your own sexuality that you had to learn outside of an actual sex ed class?

Basically everything.

How did stereotypes and preconceived ideas about sex ed play into your education?

I don’t know, it was always the stereotypical banana and condom talk or the gym coach from Mean Girls. It all just seemed like a joke.

How much do you know about contraceptives?

I know quite a bit — birth control (pill, patch, bar), condoms (male and female), and then there’s even an oral contraceptives like dental dams. They’re even working on a male pill. And, of course, the pull-out method.

How was sex perceived in your household and do you think that race/class/religion had anything to do with it?

I mean, my family is pretty chill. We didn’t talk about it, but it was never anything taboo. I think they just assumed I was never active in that way.

What would you add, if anything, to sex ed in the future so that more people would be knowledgable about sex and sexual orientations, esp. your own?

I think not being naive to the orientations that are out there. The people that aren’t het need to know how to have save sex because it’s all different. It’s not just all about het sex.

When and how did you discover you were bisexual?

It started with my freshman year of high school, it started with one of my teammates. I didn’t tell anyone, I just knew something was different around her. I held that for a year until I finally told my friend. I thought I was gay for a while until I started dating a man.

How do others react when you tell them you are bisexual?

Depends on the setting. When it comes to dating stuff, people ask if I’m up for a threesome. It always annoys me.

Do you feel your past sexual education was beneficial to exploring your sexuality?

The things I was not taught in school, no, but the things I learned outside of school was.

Is there anything you wish you had learned then that you know now?

I mean, we didn’t have any sex ed class, so being taught anything in class would have been helpful. It would have been nice to not have learned that from a peer.

If there is any advice that you would give someone who is having a hard time with their sexuality?

You’re definitely not the only one, you’re not alone. There’s people around you that probably feel the same way you do and it will bring such a huge relief. You’re not bearing that burden alone.

Cutie:

At what age did you take sex ed?

I took sex ed 3 times, the first in 5th grade, I took it again in 7th grade at a different school, then I took “health” that kind of talked about sex ed my senior year of high school

What were your major takeaways from sex ed?Did you feel like your sexual identity was being represented?

The only thing I took away from sex ed was people were nasty, no one could be trusted, use a condom at all times. My sexuality, in particular, wasn’t represented, but we did spend a lot of time talking about people who identify as gay.

How was sex perceived in your household and do you think that race/class/religion had anything to do with it?

I grew up in multiple households so the way I heard sex talked about was different depending on where I was. I don’t think class had much to do with it, but race and religion definitely did.

What would you add, if anything, to sex ed in the future so that more people would be knowledgeable about sex and sexual orientations, esp. your own?

Bisexual is an umbrella term just like being gay is. There isn’t one way to be bi. Being bi doesn’t have to mean male or female.

When and how did you discover you were Bisexual?

I discovered I was bisexual way before I was old enough to understand what gender was. I knew I liked people and that was about it. I didn’t truly accept my sexuality until I was in 6th grade. I moved to a new school and it was like all the gay girls wanted me. I think I’m a gay magnet. I also discovered what it meant to be “slutty” because let me tell you, I had a different girl tryna rub on me every class period. (lol, I’ve always been a problem and it brings me joy)

How do others react when you tell them you are bisexual?

Most people just accept it and we move on. Other people make it weird and turn it into this sexual thing when really its not. I like who I like because of the emotions, not the parts. PERIOD.

Do you feel your past sexual education was beneficial to exploring your sexuality?

It was not, my self-confidence was the only beneficial thing to exploring my sexuality. At the end of the day, my opinion is the only thing that matters to me so hey if it makes me happy, I’m gonna figure it out along the way.

Sunflower

Is there anything you wish you had learned then that you know now?

SEX DOESN’T HAVE TO BE PENETRATIVE !

How did you discover your sexuality? Did sex Ed play a role?

I discovered my sexuality before I took sex ed. And my sex Ed was just two class periods worth of info in my gen health class in 9th grade. I realized I was bisexual once I started crushing on a transgender girl I saw around school. Up until that point I thought I was bisexual. What really confirmed my sexuality was when I realized I honestly don’t care about how my love interest/partner identifies.

Advice to someone trying to figure out their sexuality?

Don’t suppress your genuine feelings for someone bc homophobic society tells you it’s wrong. If you feel it, feel that shit and accept it. Embrace it.

At what age did you take sex ed?

15. I had literally 0 take aways from sex ed. I not only feel like my sexual identity wasn’t being represented. I KNEW it wasn’t.

Did you feel like your sex ed class influenced how you perceived your own sexuality?

It made me feel like I wasn’t normal because it only covered hetero penetrative sex and oral sex. And hetero I am not.

Was there anything about sex ed or your own sexuality that you had to learn outside an actual sex ed class?

Literally everything. The only thing I learned in sex ed was that a condom could be blown up and tossed around the room like a beach ball...bc that’s what we did. Everything I know I learned on my own with research or through my PCP. Get tested btw.

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