#'but but but he told fiona he was taking his meds!' did we watch the same show

[swiftfootedachilles]

i so fucking badly need to know what happened between seasons 5 and 6. what was going on in ians minds after he broke up with mickey and mickey got sentenced to prison and he wasnt regularly taking his medication - if at all - and he visited mickey a couple times only because svetlana said he had to and he would go over to the balls' house to see yevgeny and all his siblings could talk about for a couple weeks was how peaceful the house was without sammi and chucky and carl and mickey there and nothing felt real and fiona forced him to get a job at patsys so she could keep an eye on him and he felt so weighted down and empty that he went on that bridge to end his own life

[fictionalcharactersaremypassion]

He's Here, He's Staying

“This movie fucking sucks,” Mickey complained. “You couldn’t have picked something better, Raggedy Ann?” 

“It doesn’t suck,” Debbie said while Carl voiced his agreement with Mickey. “It’s a classic.” 

“It’s shit,” he said flatly. 

“Well, if you wanted something different, you should’ve said so instead of saying I don’t know every time I asked,” Debbie huffed. 

“Like you would’ve listened,” Carl muttered, who’d made his displeasure for the film loud and clear. 

“Oh, shut up, Carl! Like your idea was any better.” 

Mickey propped his feet on the coffee table, needing to change the position of his legs. 

“Fiona hates it when you do that,” Carl informed him. 

“Not my fucking problem,” Mickey replied, though they all knew he’d lower them back down to the floor once she stopped screaming at Sammi in the other room. 

The woman was getting her ass handed to her after a remark she’d made regarding Ian. Fiona had come home and flipped her shit after Debbie told her what Sammi had said when they were clearing up the dinner table. 

“Ian, did you take your meds?” 

The kitchen was quiet besides the sounds Liam made. Ian was in the midst of wiping down his brother’s shirt, and no one knew if he was ignoring the question or simply hadn’t heard. 

“Why are you asking?” Debbie said snidely. 

Mickey had to force himself to stay calm. He bit down on his tongue, focusing all his attention on the soft smile Ian wore, while Liam giggled about the “oopsie” he’d made. 

“I just don’t want to see him have another one of his crazy episodes,” Sammi said matter-of-factly. 

And that was when Mickey saw red. 

“The fuck did you just say?” He snarled, coming over into her space. 

Debbie and Carl rushed to his side to stop him from doing something he’d regret. 

Probably not regret, but he got the point. 

“Ian’s not crazy,” Mickey said through grit teeth. 

“I didn’t say he was-” 

“Shut up, Sammi!” Debbie snapped. 

Mickey had wanted to say fuck it and take Ian out for a while but even though this was one of Ian’s better days, it was probably for the best to stay here.

It was Debbie’s idea to watch a movie. So that’s what they did, piling into the living room for some shitty early 2000s film that she chose. 

The TV had to be turned up several times. Sammi tried to defend herself but Fiona was not having it. That’s what he liked about the oldest Gallagher; she didn’t take anyone’s shit. 

Ian’s head laid on his shoulder. Mickey still struggled with openly showing his boyfriend affection in front of others, even though he came to realize that none of the Gallaghers cared about his sexuality, so this time he’d tentatively wrapped his other arm around Ian, pulling him in closer. 

He glanced in the direction of the kitchen where it was still going on. “Jesus,” he muttered. He was starting to get a headache. He couldn’t even tell if Ian was really paying attention to the TV or not. “Ay, Gallagher?” 

“What?” Ian mumbled. 

“You doing okay?” Mickey said softly. 

“I’m fine,” Ian sounded tired. 

“You sure? We can go upstairs if you want. Unless you want to watch this pink shit.” Debbie spared him a glare for his remark.

Ian smiled very slightly. “We can go upstairs.” 

“Fine by me,” Mickey waited until Ian peeled himself off of him to stand. “We’re going to bed. Tell me if anything good happens.” 

Debbie opened her mouth and he knew what was going to come out. 

“With your bitch of a sister, not the damn movie.” 

The younger Gallagher’s snickered. Mickey flipped them both off, trying to suppress a smile of his own. 

“Let’s go, Red,” Mickey spotted him yawning into his forearm. 

“Kay,” Ian muttered sleepily. 

They went up the stairs towards the boys room. Before they went in, he’d clasped a hand on Ian’s shoulder. Now that they were alone, he felt compelled to reassure his boyfriend, needed him to know that Sammi didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about. 

“Ian,” he said, pausing to consider what he was about to say. “Sammi’s a bitch. You ain’t crazy. You know that, right?” 

Those eyes of Ian’s that used to hold so much light were dull now, tired. He mustered up a tiny smile that Mickey wanted to believe was genuine. “Yeah.” 

“I’m serious, man. She doesn’t know shit.” 

Mickey’s arms looped around Ian for a hug, whose face was leaning on his shoulder. 

He’d never tell anyone but it broke his goddamn heart to see Ian like this. 

“Let’s go lay down,” Mickey whispered, even though there was no need to. “Kay?” 

Ian nodded without a word. He let Mickey guide him in there, sitting down on the edge of the bed, his face still blank. Mickey opened the drawers, taking out a pair of sweatpants for his boyfriend to change into. 

“You been wearin’ those for two days now. Let’s get these on you.” 

“I just want to lay down, Mick,” Ian said quietly. 

“Then let me put ‘em on you.” 

“I don’t need you to play nurse for me,” Ian wasn’t looking at him anymore, his eyes fell to the floor. But this wasn’t out of annoyance like he sometimes felt whenever he thought Mickey or somebody else was nagging him, but rather shame. 

And well, fuck, Mickey could understand that. He wouldn’t want anyone to treat him like this either. 

“Hey,” he placed two fingers under Ian’s chin, gently pulling his face up. “Look, I know this ain’t easy for you, relying on people and shit; but I’m doing this because I want to, alright?” 

Ian snorted, quietly and deprecatingly. “You didn’t sign up for this. You should go, find someone who isn’t so fucked up in the head.” 

Mickey’s stomach lurched at the out Ian was giving him. He was too far gone now, and there was no way in hell he was leaving. “Shut the fuck up,” he bent down to kiss Ian’s hair. “You were fucked up in the head long before any of this bipolar shit started.” 

This drew out a more genuine laugh from Ian, however slight it might have been. 

“And don’t try to give me anymore damn outs, Gallagher. I ain’t going anywhere, alright?” I’m already in this. 

Ian’s face had fallen again. “Mickey-” 

“You want me to go?” He said, coming off as casual despite the way his heart hammered in his chest. I can’t lose you. 

Ian lifted his head, meeting Mickey’s eyes. “No,” he admitted. “But you shouldn’t have to stay with someone like me.” 

“There ain’t no should, Red,” Mickey needed him to understand this. “I’m stayin’ cause I want to.” 

I fuckin’ love you

Fucking terrified him how much he meant it. As much as he used to deny it, pretending he and Ian weren’t anything more than fuck buddies, it was impossible to do that anymore. 

“You-” Mickey’s voice got thick, “you gotta know that, Ian.” 

He just sat there looking lost, not saying anything for the longest time. 

“Okay.” 

It was barely above a whisper. His face was so blank, yet so expressive all at the same time. But what mattered the most was how much he seemed like he wanted to believe Mickey meant what he said. If it had to take time for him to realize that then so be it. 

“Okay,” Mickey repeated, a smile emerging. “Think you can get into these pants, Red, or you want help?” 

“Help me.” It was a lot for Ian to say, Mickey was damn proud of him. 

“Alright.” 

The process was slow but Mickey didn’t push him anymore than necessary. Within a minute or two, Ian was in some fresh clothes, now laying on the bed, eyes shut but merely resting. 

Mickey climbed in there too, brushing a few pieces of Ian’s hair out of his face. 

Go to sleep, he thought, watching Ian’s chest rise and fall in spite of the chaos going on downstairs. You don’t need to hear anymore of that shit show. 

For a couple of minutes, or it might have been longer, it was just the two of them in their own little world. Ian fell asleep, his head rolled over into Mickey’s space. 

With one hand on Ian’s cheek, he softly kissed the redhead’s forehead. 

Laying here was starting to make him sleepy, so Mickey let himself get comfortable, soon to be lulled to sleep by the warmth and unique smell of Ian radiating towards him. Except just when he was on the verge of nodding off, he felt a small hand shaking his arm. 

It was the littlest Gallagher. A blanket was over his head, with only his face peeking out of it. His big brown eyes were wide, not that he could blame him with all the ruckus going on. 

“Ay, kid,” Mickey carefully sat up so he wouldn’t jostle Ian and wake him up. “What are you doing in here?” 

“I’m scared,” Liam whispered. “I want Ian.” 

Well shit. Mickey glanced at his boyfriend, then back at the kid. He wasn’t really equipped to handle kid things. Wasn’t like he had much experience with his own kid. Ian did more of that than he ever did. He’d try, though. Liam was pretty easy going, hardly ever cried and shit. It was better for Ian to sleep, he probably wasn’t much up for being his brother’s comforter anyway. 

“Let’s go over there,” Mickey pointed at Carl’s empty bed. He laid a hand on the kid’s back, gently easing him over there. Sitting down with his back against the wall, he intended for the kid to be beside him but Liam had other plans. He crawled into Mickey’s lap, gripping his shirt with tiny fists. 

It threw him off at first, just for a second or two. He quickly recovered, focusing his attention on the four year old who was currently staring up at him like Mickey could stop all the yelling from happening. 

Something shattered down below. Probably a plate or something, he guessed. Liam jumped, whimpering. 

This is probably the part where he should comfort him. 

“Uh,” Mickey said awkwardly, tentatively patting him on the back, “it’s okay, Liam. You’re good.” 

Eh, not good. Kid was shaking a bit. Fuck.

Liam's face was in his chest now, seeking comfort that Mickey didn’t know if he could give. 

Shit, Mickey thought. 

He remembered back before all the bipolar shit took over, there’d been one night Yev was screaming his head off. Ian got out of bed to take care of him and didn’t come back for some time. At some point, it stopped, but Ian still hadn’t come back to bed so by than, Mickey slid out and went to find him. 

Ian was standing, holding Yev in his arms, murmuring to him, a hand rubbing up and down his back. 

Maybe he could channel some of that for Liam. 

“Ay, Liam,” he whispered, and the kid peeked up at him, still holding onto Mickey with a death grip around his middle, “it’s okay.” 

“Fi’s mad,” Liam’s eyes were watery.

“Yeah,” he conceded, “but she ain’t mad at you. Your sister’s just trying to defend Ian from that crazy bitch.” 

For obvious reasons, Liam couldn’t care less about that part. He sniffled, pressing himself into Mickey more if that was possible. “I don’t like it when she’s mad.” 

For a moment, he didn’t see Little Gallagher anymore but rather himself. 

This whole thing made him remember, all too vividly, of his own childhood when he used to hide under the covers to block out the noise of Terry and Laura screaming at each other. Beer bottles crashing into the wall, furniture turned over, doors slammed shut. Unlike Liam, he never had anyone to make it all better. If he wouldn't have gotten teased by his brothers for being a pussy, Mickey would’ve went to them for comfort. But in the Milkovich household, you didn’t do things like that, even if you were a literal child. 

“Yeah...” He muttered. “I get it.” 

He hoped Liam was starting to settle down by now, that hope was thwarted when a heavy crash was heard from down there. It was so loud, so sudden, that even Mickey flinched. It definitely frightened Liam; he started to cry a little and the last thing Mickey wanted was for Ian to wake up from all this noise. But by some miracle, Ian stayed asleep, not even stirring. 

Mickey still didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, so he adjusted them both, letting Liam lean one side of his face against his chest so he could cover his other ear with his hand to muffle out all the noise coming up there. 

Well, it must not have been that much of a shitty idea. Liam, though still somewhat tense, relaxed a bit now that he wasn’t listening to anymore screaming. Mickey didn’t hear him sniffling either so it was a fucking win as far as he was concerned. 

Liam yawned softly. Must have been past the kid’s bedtime. With any luck he’d go to sleep. 

“Go to sleep, Kid,” Mickey muttered, not knowing if Liam heard him or not. “I got ya.” 

He didn’t know how long it was, his phone was elsewhere, probably downstairs still, but eventually Liam was slumped against him, sound asleep. 

And it was okay. He’d never had much experience with little kids before him, before Yev, so had this been months prior, he never would’ve believed himself to be capable of being here in this moment comforting him. 

At some point, his eyelids fluttered shut. He didn’t stir until he felt Liam being carefully taken out of his arms. 

“Wha-” 

Fiona hovered above him, adjusting a sleepy Liam in her arms. “Hey,” she whispered. “Sammi’s gone. I went to check on Liam and found him here. Was he okay?” 

Mickey rubbed his face, trying to wake himself up. “Yeah,” he said, biting back a yawn. “He was kinda scared but he’s alright.” 

Fiona smiled at Liam. “Did Mickey make you feel better?” 

Liam nodded, smiling shyly at him before turning to bury his face in her neck. 

Mickey couldn’t help but flush. 

“Thanks,” she told him with a warm smile. “Really appreciate you doin’ that.” 

“Eh, it was nothing.” 

“You’re a good guy, Mickey,” she said with a fleeting glance at Ian. “He doing okay?” 

“He’s gettin’ there. Didn’t wake up once.” 

“That’s good,” she let out a breath. “We’re gonna need some new dishes. Sammi destroyed quite a few of them.” 

“Fucking lunatic.” 

“You’re telling me,” Fiona rolled her eyes, then said to Liam. “Time for bed, Buddy. Tell Mickey goodnight.” 

He didn’t do that, however, but he did extend his arms towards him. 

“Wanna hug,” he said. 

This surprised Mickey, but he didn't have time to dwell on that. Fiona disposed of the kid into his lap so Liam could throw his arms around his neck. Mickey reciprocated, feeling self conscious now that she was watching them. 

“Night, Mickey,” Liam whispered. 

“Uh, night, Kid.” 

The light that came into the room was abruptly taken away by the shut door. Mickey sat there, taking in what just happened, a warmth pooling in his stomach that filled him completely. 

“Mmm, Mickey?” A soft groan was heard from the other side of the room. 

Ian was only half awake, turning over and expecting him to be right there next to him. 

Mickey slid off Carl’s bed to go back to Ian’s, curling into his side. “Ay, go back to sleep, Red,” he said, a fond smile tugging at his lips. “I’m here. Not gonna leave you.” 

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

The verbal aggression towards women has been something about the show that makes me uncomfortable. Physical aggression is called out on the show, as it should be. But, verbal aggression or threatening body language is rarely shown as the abusive act that it is. There are two distinct scenes that spiked my anxiety from this. One is Ian leaning right over Fiona and hissing at her after she asked about his meds. I know he didn't mean it because he wasn't in his right mind and Fiona picked a terrible moment to ask that question. The other is Lip screaming at Fiona in s9 and that one made me mad because no one told him to chill out. He's standing directly above her and his body language looks way out of line.

i agree with this so much.

i usually sympathize with ian more when it comes to this situation, mainly because, as you said, he was really having a difficult time- but despite this, how he was acting was not acceptable and made me very uncomfortable.

as for lip, fuck him in that scene. he had no fucking right to yell at her and if you think he did, fuck you too. at least ian had a decent-ish reason; but lip was just mad because his sponsor relapsed (due to fiona, but fiona had no fucking clue who this guy was so how was that her fault) and he needed to take his anger out because somebody never learned anger management and so he needs to act like a goddamn toddler all of the fucking time (sorry i love lip but lip slander is also fun oops).

and debbie, carl, and kelly all just watching it happen really irked me. especially debbie and carl. like they’re used to this fucking grown man having temper tantrum’s and yelling at women. carl and liam will always be the most well-adjusted men in the family because they treat women like people (ian too, of course, but there is the scene i just talked about in season 8 + the scene in season 11 of him and mickey that v called them out for, but i don’t completely blame them there because everyone on that show has said bitch or something like that before- still wrong, but yk).

i think if you really want to look into why ian and lip act that way, you can just see how frank treated monica. how monica said that frank literally has physically fought her and given her scars and how frank screams at monica. they grew up in a hostile environment where men doing that wasn’t necessarily a big deal, but newsflah! you’re both adults, and that’s your sister, fucking act like it.

i really wish that verbal aggression was addressed more, as you said. or at least, i wish that it was made to seem as big of a deal as it really is because it’s not just like “men having emotions” it’s men acting unacceptable.

honorable mention to this, although it wasn’t verbal, it was physical: remember when frank hit debbie in 7x12? we (the fandom) don’t talk about that enough, and we should.

moments like ian and lip screaming at fiona really remind me that this show was in fact, written by men. i mean- yeah there’s a few women who have written some episodes or have helped but overall, it was created originally by a man (paul abbott), and it was written by a man (john wells). the show is amazing, fucking phenomenal, actually, but it is also about a white man, written by white men. it has homophobic, biphobic, and sexist undertones. it will always be fucking great, yet fucking awful.

[depressedstressedlemonzest]

Promt idea? After they get out of prison Ian thinks he might be going into a depressive episode so he’s suuuper clingy to Mickey all day. A million bonus points if Mickey calls him a pet name in front of the Gallaghers.

"So what was prison like? Did you shank anyone?"

Mickey looked up at Carl who had asked the question, they were having a family dinner for once now that all the Mexicans had left and now that everyone else was chilling out. Fiona wasn't here anymore and Mickey found him oddly missing the eldest Gallagher.

Carl was grinning looking between Ian and Mickey expectantly waiting for an answer.

"Chester." Ian mumbled stabbing his lasagna with his fork.

"You shanked someone? You Mr. I-want-to-save-even-the-smallest-life-don't-hurt-the-spider-Gallagher?" Lip asked turning to Ian with a teasing grin.

"Didn't say I killed him." Ian muttered half rolling his eyes.

Mickey's eyebrows raised up at Ian's tone, then he looked over at Lip whose own brows furrowed.

As if he could feel their looks Ian scraped his chair back and rose, "bathroom." he muttered walking away from the table.

Carl looked at Mickey.

"We both shanked Chester, thought it would give us some solitary confinement, a little break away from each other. But Chester was just an old fuck who didn't want to get released."

Liam shook his head, "Why wouldn't he want to get released?"

Lip shrugged, "Some people are in prison so long they don't know how to live once they're out."

Mickey looked towards the stairs seeing Ian lingering at the bottom a moment before going up them.

He wordlessly slid his chair back and headed to Ian silently following as he climbed the stairs to the bathroom.

Mickey waited outside the bathroom door and he heard Ian washing his hands.

Mickey knocked gently on the door waiting until he heard Ian's "Hmm" that he opened it.

Ian had the medicine cabinet opened and he was looking through the med bottles.

"Doin okay?" Mickey asked leaning against the doorframe watching him.

"Just feelin... off, been needing a refill but haven't been able to get it yet and today it's all just," Ian mumbled waving his hand around his head.

Mickey's eyebrows rose on his forehead, Ian turned and placed his forehead against Mickey's shoulder.

Mickey didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around the tall redhead who held his heart, one hand weaving through Ian's hair.

"You wanna call it a night?" Mickey murmured gently.

"No I, we haven't had a real family dinner in so long, I wanna try and tough it out." Ian reasoned.

Mickey studied Ian's face, "If you feel like you need to take a minute, or even if you need to leave we'll go to the room."

Ian nodded and followed as Mickey led them back to the table.

When they sat back down Ian tried to be as into the conversation as he could, but under the table he kept reaching for Mickey.

"Ian? Did you hear Tami?" Debbie asked.

Ian blinked which told Mickey that he didn't hear Tami, and that he was a million miles away.

"Honeyface," Mickey murmured softly not paying attention when everyone at the table but Ian turned to gape at him.

Ian turned and rested his head on Mickey's shoulder, Mickey silently brought his hand up and cupped Ian's face, "let's go upstairs." Mickey hummed.

Ian nodded and sat up scooting his chair back not bothering to speak to his siblings as he headed out of the room.

"Thanks for dinner guys, sorry we gotta cut out. We're goin to go to the room. Please don't bug Ian." He asked giving a sweeping look to everyone at the table.

Everyone met him with a nod.

"Sure thing honeyface." Lip said smugly.

Mickey threw his middle finger up at the eldest Gallagher brother as he walked out of the room and up the stairs following Ian to their room.

Since Lip and Tami and the baby were in the RV they claimed the free room, which they definitely needed from time to time.

Ian was already lying in the bed, curled up on his side facing the wall.

Mickey slid into the bed and wrapped his arms around him, Ian rolled over and buried his face into Mickey's chest, breathing him in until he was lulled to sleep.

[arrowflier]

prompt: mickey finding out about clayton being ian’s biological father?

"Ian, your dad just died," Mickey says plainly, pushing down on Ian's arm until he relents and looks up from his phone. "You don't gotta pretend you don't care."

Ian's brow wrinkles.

"No he didn't," he says. "He lives Northside with his wife and kid."

Mickey drops his hand from Ian's arm to the table, letting it hit the wood with a thud.

"What the fuck?" he croaks out, eyes comically wide and fixed on Ian's face. "Ian, are you off your fucking meds?"

"You know I'm not," Ian answers with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. "You literally watched me take them ten minutes ago."

"Right," Mickey says faintly. "I did."

Ian looks at him. He must see something there he isn't expecting, because his gaze turns serious, and he sets his phone gently to the side.

"Mickey, what's going on?" he asks, slowly. Cautiously. "Why would you even ask me that?"

Mickey swallows.

"Because we just threw your dad's ashes in the river last night, and you're sittin' here tellin' me he's fine."

Ian frowns.

"You mean Frank?" he asks, sounding confused, and Mickey leans so far back in his chair he thinks he might fall out of it.

"No, I mean your other dad," he retorts, wiping a hand over his face, and goes silent when Ian breaks into laughter.

It peters out quickly enough, and Ian looks at him with something like fondness. The kind you show an animal that doesn't understand what you're saying.

"Mickey," he says, huffing a final chuckle, "Frank isn't my dad. He's my uncle."

And Mickey is immediately lost again.

It must show, because Ian is already explaining.

"Yeah, we did DNA tests way back. Like way, way back. We thought the lucky winner would be Liam, but uh..." He grins, wry, mocking. "Turns out it was me."

Mickey continues to gape at him, and his expression flattens again.

"Did I really never tell you?" Ian asks. "I thought everybody knew."

"No, Ian," Mickey gets out. "You never fucking told me."

"Oh." Ian seems honestly surprised by that. "Sorry."

Mickey snorts.

"Sorry, he says," he mutters, looking down at his hands, then glances back up in time to see Ian wince.

He sighs.

"Don't gotta be sorry," he says, reaching across to hold Ian's hand. Ian lets him. "Just wasn't expectin' a big reveal like that almost ten years into our fuckin' relationship."

Ian goes soft at that, just like Mickey knew he would.

"I didn't mean to not tell you," Ian promises, squeezing his hand. "It just...isn't important."

Mickey eyes him, bites his lip.

"It is important, though," he says, "family's family," and Ian just shrugs.

"He's not my family, though," he says, then tilts his head. "I mean, he is, he's Frank's brother." Ian looks at Mickey's face, shakes his head, and adds, "long story."

"But I already had a family," Ian continues. "I had Fiona, trying to raise me. Lip, always at my side. I had Debbie and our redhead pact, Carl and his obsession with my ROTC gear. Liam, to watch out for." His smile turns wistful. "Sometimes I even had Monica."

"But your dad--"

"Is nobody," Ian says firmly. "Not to me, not really. I chose my family a long time ago." He strokes his thumb over the back of Mickey's hand. "You included."

Mickey hums, flips their hands over so he can return the gesture.

"Okay," he says simply, then smirks.

"What?" Ian asks, eyes narrowing. "Why do you look like that?"

"Least I don't have to worry 'bout you lookin' like Frank in a few years," Mickey confesses, and Ian laughs, and laughs, and laughs.

[apolloloki97]

“Gay Judas” Mickey Milkovich x Ian Gallagher

Summary: When Mickey hears about Ian’s Gay Jesus bullshit, he decides it’s time to intervene.

Word Count: 2235

Warning: Swearing, Bipolar Disorder

Song I Wrote To: “Heat Waves Stripped-Version” by Glass Animals

Note: I really needed Mick to show up and shut this shit down and so I wrote this.

--------

Mickey Milkovich had uprooted his life for Ian Gallagher and he was happy to do it.

That is until it involved Ian being a complete moron. 

Mickey had been at a random bar somewhere outside the main city he was staying in while in Mexico when he had caught a shot of his ex-boyfriend’s face on someone’s phone nearby. All it said was Chicago’s Gay Jesus and Mickey knew something was very wrong. It didn’t take him long to find the articles about Ian’s new crusade and that was when he had risked a call to Svetlana.

Hearing that Ian had become some kind of gay symbol was one thing, but the way he was doing it told Mickey another: Ian was in a manic stage and nobody was helping him. That was how he found himself back on the streets of the Southside with an angry Russian hooker by his side. “This one,” Svetlana said as she pointed to a church on the corner. 

Both Svetlana and Mickey paused as they stared up at the banners that hung on the outside of the church. “Fucking hell, Ian,” Mickey swore as he saw the ridiculous illustrations of the ginger on banners and even t-shirts. 

“What’s the plan? Punch moron till he stop?” Svetlana asked. 

“Depends on if his little cultists swing first,” Mickey said as he scratched at his nose with his thumb before taking a deep breath. “Alright, Svet, take me to church.” 

Ian was in the middle of a sermon, sort of, when Mickey burst into the room, Svetlana following right behind him. “Alright rainbow warriors, take a fucking seat!” Mickey yelled, announcing himself. Ian stared at the man in front of him, unable to think clearly. Trevor, who had begrudgingly gone to this specific meeting was looking between the two in confusion. 

“What the shit!” Ian exclaimed, unsure of what else to say. 

“Svet, grab him,” Mickey ordered and then all five-foot-seven of pure Russian confidence was charging down the aisle towards a surprised Ian. Mickey watched as Svetlana grabbed Ian and nearly tackled him to overpower him. Ian was strong, always had been, but Svet was just as pissed at him as Mickey was.

“You idiot,” Svetlana said as she grabbed Ian by the back of his neck and took his arm, dragging him off the dais. Ian stumbled after her, still trying to get the right words out. 

“Hey! Let him go!” one of Ian’s disciples said as they moved to follow them. Svetlana pulled her knife and leveled it at the girl. Trevor stood then, ready to intervene. 

“Fucking hell, Svet! Put the damn knife away, we’re in a fucking church,” Mickey said as she lowered the blade and continued to push Ian towards the door, but Gallagher was starting to resist.

“Come, Orange Boy, we need to talk,” Svetlana said, hooking her arms around Ian’s biceps. 

“No! Ian! You can’t just take him!” Another girl said as she cried out for her "savior". 

“Ah, don’t worry your little gay heads about it, I’ll bring your pariah back in one peace,” Mickey said, flipping her off before going to follow Ian and Svetlana. 

“Who the hell are you?” a younger man said, trying to step into Mickey’s path. Mickey just grinned at him before punching him in the face. The guy fell amongst the pews and Mickey turned to the rest of the room, splaying his arms wide. 

“Just call me Gay Judas,” Mickey said with a wink.

“Mickey!” Ian screamed, causing Mickey to roll his eyes. Trevor began to move toward as Mickey’s name fell from Ian’s lips. He knew immediately that this was the Mickey and Trevor was not about to let the convict take Ian away from him. 

“Svet, get the bag!” Mickey said as he ran off after them. Trevor followed, bursting through the front doors just to see Svetlana throwing Ian into the back of an SUV with a black bag over his head. Mickey slid into the front seat and started up the engine. He gave a salute to Trevor as he hit the gas and sped off.

Ian swore from the backseat as Svetlana kept him contained, holding down his arms. “You fuckers!” Ian yelled. “Let me go! What the fuck ever happened to Mexico!” Mickey ignored him, not wanting to answer any questions just yet. Not until they were alone. Mickey didn’t have a lot of time and he needed to make the best of it before his deadline. 

They arrived at the Alibi soon after and Svetlana helped Mickey drag Ian into the basement that Kev usually used to store weed for his and Lip’s “ice cream truck”. Now it was mainly used for interrogations or in Ian and Mickey’s case, interventions. 

Svetlana and Mickey threw Ian down onto a chair and then tore the bag from his face. “Again with the fucking bag!” Ian shouted, nearly growling at Mickey. 

“Shut up, Red,” Mickey said with a warning look. Ian looked around and began to settle down as he realized where he was. Still, it didn’t comfort him to know that his ex had essentially kidnapped him.

Again.

“Thanks, Svet, I owe you,” Mickey said. Svetlana leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before sending another glare at Ian as she turned to leave. As soon as the door closed and locked behind them, Mickey walked forward and landed a punch to Ian’s jaw. 

“Fuck!” Ian yelled. 

“You’re lucky that’s all I did, you fucking idiot,” Mickey said. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Ian asked. 

“I’m here, you moron, to shut this shit down,” Mickey said, grabbing at Ian’s Gay Jesus t-shirt. “Do you know how many fucking busses and trains I had to take to get back here? Fuck, Gallagher… what the fuck are you doing, man?” Mickey said, lowering his voice a bit more as Ian also began to settle. 

“I’m helping,” Ian said, still trying to grasp the fact that Mickey was in front of him, that Mickey was home. 

“Helping who, Ian? The fucking loons who want to lick your boots? What about being an EMT?” Mickey asked. 

“It wasn’t enough,” Ian argued. 

“Says who?” Mickey countered, but Ian just remained quiet. Mickey swore again, rubbing at his temples as he began to pace in front of Ian. He had planned out this whole speech he was going to say, but now he could barely get the words out. He couldn’t look at Ian without thinking about how the man had left him at the border, alone and heartbroken. However, he knew that Ian was always going to be dealing with bullshit like this. “You’re off your meds, aren’t you?” Mickey asked though he didn’t really need an answer. He knew what it looked like when Ian was manic. 

“Fuck you,” Ian said. 

“Uh, no,” Mickey said, crossing his arms. “I didn’t get back across the border for this shit or for you to be all dismissive when I ask about your fucking well-being. Nobody has fucking noticed have they?” Mickey asked, knowing damn well the Gallaghers forgot Ian existed half the time. Ian didn’t respond, but that was an answer in itself. “Fucking Gallaghers,” Mickey swore causing Ian to look at him with recognition, seeing his Mickey again was making his heart ache. “Get it together, Ian,” Mickey said. 

“Right,” Ian scoffed and Mickey began to lose it. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? And don’t give me all this 'woe is me bullshit', you’re smarter than this.” 

“These kids need my help!” 

“There are other ways to help them, Ian! Social workers, cops, hell a fucking walk-a-thon, but not this! This is unrecognizable.” 

“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do,” Ian challenged.

“That’s a bunch of bullshit and we both know it,” Mickey said. “I know you inside and out. I know your soul like the back of my fucking hand. Don’t you tell me that I don’t know you, Ian Gallagher. Don’t you say that shit to me.” Ian was quiet then, trying to keep it together. “You want to mean something? Start by setting a decent example for these kids that are following you like a bunch of gay ugly ducklings.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Ian said. 

“Stop,” Mickey said, approaching Ian. He leaned over and braced his hands on either side of the man below him, his hands digging into the armrests. “You mean something to this world, Ian, but you don’t need to go off the rails to prove it,” Mickey said with a desperate tone to his voice. 

“Why do you care?” Ian asked, staring up into Mickey’s eyes. 

“Why do I care?” Mickey echoed. “Did you forget everything that fucking happened at the border?” he asked as he pushed back from Ian. “I fucking love you, you idiot and I’m worried about you.” Ian was quiet for a moment before he finally sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 

“It got out of hand,” Ian admitted. 

“Yeah, no shit,” said Mickey. “Fuck, where the hell is your family?” 

“Busy,” Ian said with a shrug. That also didn’t surprise Mickey. The time Ian left to join the military, Fiona had barely looked for him. In fact, Mickey couldn’t remember anyone actively looking for Ian until the Army came looking for Lip. That had pissed off Mickey to no end, even if he never told the Gallaghers that. 

“And what about that boyfriend of yours?” Mickey asked, remembering Ian talking about his relationship when Mickey had escaped. 

“He saw me losing it,” Ian divulged with another shrug. 

“And he didn't do anything like drag your ass to the clinic?” 

“No,” Ian said. 

“Fucking hell, Gallagher, you need better friends,” Mickey said, running his hands over his face. His stubble was growing out again and he desperately needed a shave. “This shit stops now, okay?” Mickey urged and Ian nodded, trying to keep it together. Mickey kneeled in front of him and from his jacket, produced the familiar orange bottles that held Ian’s meds. “I picked these up on my way.” 

Ian stared at the pills with disdain but didn’t shove them out of Mickey’s hands to the latter’s relief. “You broke into my house…” Ian said. 

“I still have a key, moron,” Mickey said and then softer, “Come on, baby.” Ian stopped at the use of the pet name. Mickey never tended to use anything but the more insulting nicknames, but there were times when they just slipped out and the gentler side of Mickey was revealed. A side that Ian loved the most.

Ian opened his hand and Mickey doled out his dosage before grabbing a bottle of water from the storage crate and handing it to Ian. With a deep sigh, Ian took all his stabilizers and antidepressants in one go, following up with a few swigs of water. Mickey relaxed as soon as the meds were in Ian’s system, feeling exhaustion weighing on him from all the days he had spent worrying about the love of his life. “Stop trying to fuck up this life you have, Ian,” Mickey said, reaching out to hold Ian’s face in his hand. “You’re so much better than this.” Ian leaned into his palm, savoring the small moment. 

“I missed you,” Ian said, closing his eyes. 

“Missed you, too,” Mickey whispered. Leaning in, Mickey rested his forehead against Ian’s and tried not to let the tears that threatened to spill cascade down his cheek. He didn’t need to get emotional now, he didn’t have much time left. 

“You better get back to Mexico,” Ian whispered. 

“I ain’t going back,” Mickey admitted. Ian pulled back just enough to see Mickey’s face. 

“Why?” he asked. 

“I made a deal,” Mickey said with a sad smile. “I rolled on a cartel back in Mexico. Told the Feds I’d finish my sentence here as long as they gave me the afternoon to finish something up. I took down some pretty fucked up dudes so they agreed. I gotta turn myself in in about twenty minutes.” Ian seemed to deflate then as realization set in.

Mickey was going back to jail because he came to save him. Again. 

“I’m sorry, Mick,” Ian said. Mickey was shaking his head already as he ran his hands over Ian’s shoulders and up to his neck, relishing in the feel. 

“Don’t apologize,” Mickey said, “but fucking visit me this time, will you?” 

“Every week,” Ian promised without hesitation. 

“Soft,” Mickey teased, and that caused Ian to laugh finally. He then turned serious. 

“Thanks, Mick,” Ian said. "Thanks for coming to get me.”

“I always will,” Mickey promised. “Especially when you’re going all psycho-ginger on me.” Ian laughed again and then surged forward to kiss Mickey, crushing their lips together. Mickey savored every taste and feel of Ian’s lips on him, knowing it was going to be a while before they had another moment like this. He didn’t think Beckman would offer conjugal visits anytime soon. When they separated, Ian smiled again. 

“Stop kidnapping me, Milkovich,” Ian said as he kissed Mickey quickly again. 

“What can I say?” Mickey said. “I’m a whore for the dramatics, Gay Jesus.”

“Oh, shut up, you fucking convict,” Ian said as he grabbed him again.

Regardless of what the future held, they still have twenty minutes. 

[aelin-queen-of-terrasen]

Can you do a Rowaelin where Aelin is sick but refuses to admit it and Rowan is trying to get her to go to bed?

Thank you for the request! I hope you'll like it more than I do. 😂 Masterlist

but will you stay?

Rowan loved his girlfriend to bits but he had never known someone as stubborn as her in all his life. That was why when her roommate called to inform him she was sick, he went into what Aelin loved to call his 'overprotective bastard' mode. His voice dropped low, shoulders tensed and he was out of his apartment before Dorian finished talking.

"Has she taken some meds?" he asked.

Dorian paused on the other side to recall. He said, "I don't know. Should I check? I love Aelin but she can be a little obstinate sometimes."

Rowan rolled his eyes. That was an understatement if he'd ever heard one. He'd known Aelin for a long time and for all her qualities, she was as stubborn as an oaf, especially when her health was concerned. That was how he'd met her after all—Fenrys and her had gotten into some accident and he'd fainted, leaving her to call the ambulance. She had been in much worse shape than him when help arrived and refused to let anyone treat her until she made sure her best friend was fine. Rowan looked at the flaming rings of gold in those turquoise eyes to know he was a goner.

He answered, "Let her be. I've almost arrived, I'll make sure she's fine."

"Thanks. I'd stay with her myself but I'd have to ask Dad for another leave. Plus, she doesn't listen to me—"

Rowan assured in a firm voice, "It's no trouble, I don't mind. I have a day off, I'd probably have spent it with her." He hoped it was enough. Rowan didn't want him feeling bad about this. Babysitting his girlfriend who insisted on behaving like a petulant child was not something he minded.

He climbed up the stairs, then knocked on the door once. Dorian received him with a smile, dressed for work. "Aelin! Look who has come. What a surprise!"

Aelin looked up from her book and grinned. "You are one bad liar, Dor." She directed her smile towards Rowan. "Regardless, this is a nice surprise."

He went to wrap his arms around her but she latched on, burying her face in his shoulder. "Fireheart, did you take a medicine?" Her grimace was enough to confirm his suspicions. "I came here to take care of you. I'll can't do that until you sit your ass back down on the couch."

Aelin pouted. "I'm hurt, buzzard. I was misled to believe you came to spend time with me."

Rowan rolled his eyes, making his way towards her bedroom where medicines would be kept. Dorian left with a quick goodbye and when Rowan entered the living room again, Aelin looked at him with those big sad eyes she used to have her way with him.

No one could resist that face, least of all Rowan Whitethorn. "What now?"

"I don't need those medicines. It tastes so sweet, I want to puke," she made a face at her words.

Rowan smiled. "I know. You didn't take care of yourself so this is what happened. Now, you'll have to deal with the consequences, fireheart."

Aelin shook her head in a stubborn 'no' before she faced the other way. Rowan sighed. When Aelin was determined about something, she was not the one to back off in the end. But he won't take his chances. If he had to, Rowan would shove it down her throat. He tried a different approach for now. "Fine. Hear me out, Ace?"

"I don't care—"

"Please?"

"No."

"I could—"

"Nope."

"You need—"

"I don't."

"Aelin, don't be stu—"

"Ro, have I introduced you to my good friend—no?"

Rowan rolled his eyes, knowing he only had one card left to play. "If you let me take care of you, I will spend the day here, we can make this a movie date."

Aelin raised a brow. "My choice?"

"Your choice," he confirmed, knowing perfectly well he'd regret it later.

"Even that horror movie Elide left here after the last girls night?" she asked.

Rowan hesitated. "You know you're afraid of clowns. I don't think that's a good idea—" he was interrupted by a loud whine from his girlfriend.

"You said it's my choice."

"Fine," Rowan agreed. "But if you get scared later, I will say I told you so."

Aelin agreed, mumbling something about how nothing could scare her and sitting up on the couch. She did as Rowan asked, taking the medicine, then finishing the soup he cooked. He checked her temperature once all was done, then sat down beside her on the couch. She snuggled closer to him, covered in blankets, head resting on her boyfriend's chest.

Instead of the movie, Rowan watched her face instead—the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled at some cute moment, the way they widened out of cautiousness sometimes, the way she jumped slightly when the clowns appeared on the screen. If he knew her at all, Aelin would rather die than admit she was scared. Her pride would never allow it. He couldn't keep the amusement off his face when she yelped at a particularly scary scene.

When she noticed his grin, she said, "I'm not scared. It took me by surprise."

Minutes passed. He didn't miss the way her grip tightened around his arm, almost bruising. Before the movie reached it's conclusion, Rowan stood up and made an excuse about using the bathroom and hid behind a curtain as he peeked into the living room.

She looked around when the floorboard creaked, her voice high-pitched. "Rowan? If you're trying to scare me, it won't work." Except he knew it was already working.

She paused the movie, eyes on her phone. With soft footsteps, Rowan sneaked up behind her and whispered in her ear in a deep voice, "Hello, princess."

The fear in her eyes was comical as Aelin shot up and let out a scream that echoed through the whole planet. He would have laughed if she hadn't delivered a punch to his face in her haze, shouting like a madwoman until she realised who he was. Her cheeks were more flushed than what they'd been when he arrived that morning, the tip of her nose turned pink. She was sweating and he couldn't tell if it was because of the fever or the scare he'd given her.

She pouted. "That wasn't fair."

"I'm sorry," he said with a smile, not sounding very sorry at all. "Now I'll have a black eye to show for it." His face did hurt like a bitch, eyes starting to water.

"You deserve it. I thought you were an assassin. Let's finish the movie." He wanted to tell her it wasn't a good idea but Aelin silenced him with a look and je knew she would hear none of it.

Not five minutes after the movie was resumed, she stopped muffling her shouts, face buried in his chest every time a ghost popped up. When it was almost over, she whined out, "Who let me watch this? This was a bad bad idea." Her eyes were still fixed on the screen.

Rowan pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I told you so, princess."

She looked up at him, then yawned. Her eyes were half-shut already, she was draped across the couch and he knew it won't be long before she fell asleep. Good, he thought, She needed it. She had buried herself in work so much recently, he was surprised she didn't fall sick sooner.

"Sleep, princess," he told her.

She replied with an "I can't. I'll have nightmares of that-that thing." The words were barely coherent, slurred in her exhaustion.

"I'll stay awake and keep this a ghost free zone."

"Promise you won't leave?" she asked, making doe-eyes at him.

The look overwhelmed him with emotions, he sat there in silence as she nodded off to sleep. It occured to him that he did mean his promise. He wouldn't leave her, couldn't leave her if he tried. He wanted to wake up next to her, wanted to have so many lazy days like this, with her passed out on his chest, both of them lying on the couch. He had never been one to make plans for the future but lately, every time he thought about it, he couldn't imagine it without her by his side. Rowan knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life by her side, knowing he had the privilege of calling Aelin Galathynius his.

That was the afternoon Rowan Whitethorn decided he wanted to make Aelin Galathynius his wife.

---------------

note: so those who are waiting for dancing in the dark, new chapter, it will be out soon. for now, hope y'all enjoyed this one. thanks for reading!

tags: @thesirenwashere // @judexcardanxgreenbriar //@fangirltrash74 // @the-dark-swan // @queenofgreenbriar // @clockworkgraystairs // @julemmaes // @rowaelinforeverworld // @mymultiversee // @queen-of-glass // @strangely-constructed-soul // @mijaldraws // @http-itsrebecca // @aesthetics-11 // @lord-douglas-the-third // @flowersinvegas // @towhateverend17 // @aelinchocolatelover // @justabunchoffandoms // @cool-ish-nerd // @faerie-queen-fireheart // @sad-book-whore // @didsomeonesayviolin // @atozfantazyxx // @hizqueen4life // @the-gods-killer // @booknerdproblems // @annejulianneh111 // @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln // @b00kworm // @mysweetvillain // @curlyredqueen06 // @moondancer-204 // @thesurielships // @witchling-leonor // @ladywitchling // @amren-courtofdreams // @ifinallygavein // @jlinez // @faequeenaelin // @df3ndyr // @in-love-with-caramel-macchiato // @bitchy-knees // @superspiritfestival // @xx-fiona-xx // @stardelia // @maastrash

[catgrassplantdad]

I'm that anon with the meta q's. I don't have tumblr, so can't come off anon. I'm having fun sending these though! Hope you're not finding them annoying. Today I'm thinking about s.8. When do we think Ian stopped taking his meds? Fiona and Trevor both ask him in 8x7 and by 8x11 he's blowing up vans. 8x8 he goes to the conversion church for the first time & reads & memorizes the Bible. There maybe? Or when those other leaders start hyping him? Filling his head with delusion of grandeur. Thoughts?

Hello hello! Of course I'm not finding them annoying, keep 'em coming. Season 8 is rough for me, as it is for a lot of people I think. I've only done one full watch through of the show and a lot of Ian's season 8 stuff is just so hard to look directly at, ya know? But! I just watched a bunch of episodes' worth of Ian's S8 scenes, and I was trying to pinpoint when I think he stopped taking his meds. And I was like, paying close attention to his behavior and wondering if he was lying when he told Trevor and Fiona that he was taking his meds, and I realized that this isn't a fair way to judge this. So it's so fucking hard for me to say. The closest I think we get to a hint in the text that he has indeed stopped taking them is when he and Fiona are talking at the end of 8x07 when he's lying in bed. He says he shouldn't have wasted his energy on terrorizing her when there are larger concerns to worry about, and she asks him what larger concerns he's talking about. And there's this long moment where he's not quite looking at her, I think he's gazing off just next to her, and then he looks back at her and changes the subject, telling her he was just about to fall asleep. He never answers her question. I don't think we ever get a clear answer of what "larger concerns" he was talking about. So maybe that's what he was talking about, maybe he was going to say something about not being okay or not feeling or acting like himself or he stopped taking his meds, but he just stopped short of actually directly addressing it. But honestly, I'm not really sure what I think. I do think it's clear that he wasn't acting like himself for at least a few episodes before he blew up the van, but I don't know if I can pinpoint when I think he stopped taking his meds. If there's one Ian-related topic I am unqualified to speculate about, it's his bipolar disorder. But I did feel like that scene with Fiona in 8x07 seemed significant in that regard.

[omgyouatetheprincess]

Janus’ Playlist

AHH JANUS' PLAYLIST LETS GOO

Not that anyone asked for my opinions

Okay so I'd like to start by saying that Thomas, Joan and Talyn did an amazing job on this playlist because every song fits Janus so perfectly.

Here are some of my thoughts on the songs and some interpretations I came up with or found on the internet.

Trigger Warnings - abortion. Mocking of religion.

Black Hole Sun - okay at first I was like 'wow this is really smooth and nice and the vocals are so sweet.' Then I heard the lyrics. "In disguises no one knows,

Hides the face, lies the snake". It's such a Deceit song and I imagine him dancing to it (with or without a partner).

Black Hole Sun by Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox, Haley Reinhart

It Seemed That Better Way - holy heck, can I point out that this song is such a bop? Leonard Cohen has such a soothing voice and it reminds me of Patrick Page (aha Hadestown) and if Janus wasn't played by Thomas, I could imagine this as his voice. The song is about not knowing what the truth is and what to believe, and has religious meanings which could be countering Patton and his Catholic beliefs.

It Seemed The Better Way by Leonard Cohen

Anywhere - I feel like Patton would hate this because the first line is "It's a beautiful world if you've been lied to by parents and priests". Anywhere describes how the world isn't a beautiful as it may seem, and that people lie to make you see it.

Anywhere by The Scarring Party

Talking At The Same Time - it is immediately dark and that everything seems fake and a... Lie. A lot of Deceit's songs are about the truth or that everything is a lie and I have to give massive kudos to Thomas, Joan and Talyn because they did an excellent job portraying Janus through his music taste. The song describes how everyone talks at the same time, and what I interpret that as is that everyone says the same thing over and over. It's hard to explain so I'll let you make your own interpretations of it.

Talking At The Same Time by Tom Waits

all the good girls go to hell - I'm not going to lie (ha) but I don't like Billie Eyelash, but I'll see past the artist. My first thought when I saw the song without hearing it is that it's a good choice and Janus probably loves Billie Eilish. Spotify has meanings of songs so I'm going to go off there: "This song is in the perspective of the Devil / no matter how good you are, desperate measures will eventually break you / turn you into bad." I feel like Deceit would sing this around the house. This song is twisting Christian symbolism and the lyrics can be interpreted as Eilish praising people who go to hell as it's better than being morally good. (Also, just switch Peter with Patton)

all the bad girls go to hell by Billie Eilish

Denial - KDJIEKAKSNDENIAL? In Putting Others First, Janus is referred to as Denial and now this song? Everyone start clapping for Thomas and his team. Anyway, the song discusses themes of conflict within a relationship, and the denial and insecurity of being in a relationship near it’s end (source: Genius). Also, Roceit vibes?

Denial by The Vaccines

Trust In Me - first of all, heck yeah! I predicted this song to be on his playlist because it's a slimy snake song from Disney? Hello this is Thomas? I think it's a great song and Johansson's voice is angelic. Kaa is manipulating and hypnotizing Mowgli, and if Deceit could do the same you can bet your bottom dollar he would sing this. We love our not-evil snake boi.

Trust In Me by Scarlett Johansson

Razzle Dazzle - Janus singing this with Roman? Yes please? Okay so I get that this is a villian song, and I love that, but imagine Deceit in a shiny sequenced dress? I also haven't seen Chicago yet so I'm going off what I've heard - this song describes how it is too easy to put on a show and make the audience happy. Basically, acting is just professional lying. The line "Though you are stiffer than a girder they'll let you get away with murder" is so clever (no spoilers but he had it coming)

Razzle Dazzle by Richard Gere

[SLIGHT HADESTOWN SPOILERS]

When The Chips Are Down - I hecking love Hadestown so you can bet I squealed when I saw this song. This song is sung by the fates, who are portrayed at untrustworthy. The title of this song is derived from the idiom “when the chips are down”, meaning “when a very serious and difficult situation arises”. Eurydice is in potentially one of the most serious and difficult situations she could be in: her life is at stake. After Hades invites Eurydice to come with him to Hadestown, the Fates appear and encourage her to consider his offer. They tell her that she should look after herself now that she is starving and the “chips are down”. (Source: Genius). In my own words, the fates are convincing (or manipulating if you will) a poor helpless girl to put herself first and save herself. It also mentions how if you be good to get into heaven,you get a knife in the back.

Go listen to Hadestown, it's an incredible soundtrack.

When The Chips Are Down by Anaïs Mitchell, The Haden Triplets

[TW! Abortion]

Mandy Goes to Med School - okay so this song is about abortion, so we'll have to go off context. Mandy (or Amanda Palmer) has to pay for Medical School by giving abortions in an alleyway with a coat hanger, so I interpret this as having to do shady stuff to get what you want. I think him and Remus would enjoy this song together. I'd also like to note that Logan had a song by Amanda Palmer in his playlist... That isn't relevant but I wanted to note that.

Mandy Goes to Med School by The Dresden Dolls

I Put A Spell On You - 50SOG vibes? I really like this song, it has a nice rhythm and the lyrics are so creepy. This gives me vibes of Deceit cornering/pining another side/love interest because if our baby boy wants to be happy, he should. This is similar to Trust In Me because it talks about enchanting someone to get what you want. "I don't care if you don't want me, I'm yours right now." Chills. Janus singing this song would complete my life.

Also the singer calls the love interest daddy but we ain't shaming

I Put A Spell On You by Nina Simone

Evil Night Together - well the title has evil in it so... Perfect for our Evil Snake Boi. This song gives me huge Demus/Receit vibes because it's basically like "let's go on a date in the creepiest place."

What if we drank a drink in the torture chambers... Haha jk ...unless 🥺

Evil Night Together by Jill Tracy

Don't Tell Mama - another musical song? Roman would be impressed. This song is about an English singer, who's mother thinks she's in a convent (a nun), when really she's in a German s3x club. You can really tell why it would be so bad if her secret got out.

Don't Tell Mama by John Kander, Joel Grey, Jill Hawarth, Cabaret Ensemble, Harold Hastings

You're A Cad - definition of a cad: a man who behaves dishonourably, especially towards a woman... This song has a nice beat and gives me TikTok vibes, but it also gives me Moceit vibes (I say vibes too much) because the singer is saying "you're a villain, a cad, a rascal... But I'm like a fish on a hook for you and I still want you." Also, she has a sweet tooth?

You're A Cad by the bird and the bee

As Far As I Can See - all aboard the angst train, CHOO-CHOO "As far as I can see, nobody loves me. As far as I can tell, nobody loves you either" this song gives me such Roceit vibes because the meaning is pretty simple: if nobody loves Janus, then he'll take everyone down with him. I knew there would be that one song that tries to make me cry for our poor baby.

As Far As I Can See by Phantogram

Criminal - first of all, the cover is beautiful. Apple describes the song as “a description of feeling bad for getting something so easily by using your sexuality.” She also told in an interview: "One of my friends said to me, “Oh yeah, of course you aren’t writing.” So I was like, “The next time you see me, I’m gonna have a new song.” I wrote “Criminal” in 45 minutes when everyone else went to lunch because I had to have a hit. I can force myself to do the work, but only if someone is right up behind me." Which is the level of pettiness I see in Deceit and I am here for it. The context of the song is seduction and manipulation, so Janus using his sexuality to manipulate the other Sides is a cursed thought.

Criminal by Fiona Apple

Change - if any of them listened to Lana Del Rey, I sort of expected it to be Virgil. Change shows how Del Rey has matured, and I feel like it also portrays Janus' ability to adapt. "Change is a powerful thing... I'll be able to be honest..." Does this mean he's trying to change? Will we get more character development? LIGHT SIDE JANUS?

Change by Lana Del Rey

Devil In The Details - this song is about trusting the wrong person and taking advantage of something. "I am the first one I deceive if I can make myself believe the rest is easy.". More angst, yay.

Devil In The Details by Bright Eyes

Come Little Children - if you had a My Little Pony phase, you probably know this song. Come Little Children, also known as "Sarah's Theme" and "Garden of Magic," is a song sung by Sarah Sanderson in the film, Hocus Pocus to hypnotize children to lure them. Manipulation: a common theme.

Come Little Children by Erutan

Into The Unknown - I was really shocked to see this song until I realized, no, it wasn't the same iconic theme from Frozen 2. This short song is from Over The Garden Wall, a show Thomas watches but I have not. "If dreams can't come true, then why not pretend?" The show plays heavily on the battle between dreams and reality (source: Genius). The way I see this, Janus is convincing the Light Sides to do something, or specifically Roman to make his dreams come true through selfish means.

Into The Unknown by The Blasting Company

This playlist is one of the best because every song had me saying “Janus would so sing this". If you have any thoughts, feel free to comment!

As always, take it easy guys gals and non-binary pals peace out

[cdt12345]

Ian and Mickey are Husbands!

I took a while to even talk about this episode because I was so overwhelmed. I needed time to process everything!

To start off, I have no complaints! The only thing is, it would’ve been great if Mandy, Iggy and Fiona were there. But that’s something we already knew wasn’t gonna happen, so I chose not to let that make me mad. I already had time to be angry about it before this episode.

Please excuse the ramblings of a mad women but I’m sure you understand, as I know you’re freaking out just as much as I am! Looking at you @luckyshazmrsmonaghansblog! I want this episode playing on a loop wherever I go forever! Even at my grave! For once I didn’t need to fast forward to get to their scenes! I usually try not to during the first watch, but I won’t have to even when I watch it again, which I already have.

Immediately starting off with how I love that everyone was worried about Ian taking his meds because it’s going to be a stressful day for him. It wasn’t overbearing or accusatory, it was genuine care and concern for Ian’s well being on his and Mickey’s big day. This is the love and attention Ian has always deserved from his family!

Carl asked the question we’ve all been asking! Where is Mickey getting the money for this wedding? Liam killed me with his response to Ian. “Hmph. Savings?” Like, yeah right. Oh Mickey you adorable man. He’s fucking stealing money on his own to pay for his wedding. I fucking love him so much!

I know people will hate that he was doing this and probably complain about it, but as long as he didn’t get caught, I’m fine. These characters have grown and changed, but they haven’t changed that much. Let’s just be happy Mickey didn’t get shot or go to prison and he was able to afford to throw himself and Ian a beautiful wedding.

It did not get passed me that Mickey came out of the restroom from his shower after Ian did. I’m pretty sure sexy time already started that day in the shower!!! No one will convince me otherwise.

Liam knowing as soon as Mickey walked in what was about to happen and walked the hell out of there. Hilarious! Smart kid! Carl just sitting there until Mickey had to tell him to get the fuck out was also fucking hilarious! Especially when thinking back to the time Mickey was staying there in season 4. They couldn’t even share a bed in front of Ian’s family. I love that this is gonna be their life from now on. This family is so much better with Mickey in it and because of it we have a happy and in love Ian. Nothing could be better!

Our first glance at Mickey’s butt was a plus! We fucking needed that! We needed more of that, but beggers can’t be choosers.

Carl getting them edible boxers! Liam wanting to get them something special even though he had no money! He’s so precious! He got them a honeymoon car!

So Debbie and Sandy slept together the night before for the first time (still not supportive of this relationship) meaning Ian and Mickey were planning their wedding the day before they had the wedding. Even when they still needed to get invitations and send them out!

This doesn’t count as a complaint because the shows lack of proper timelines and not being realistic is nothing new for them. But I’m going to believe some time had to have passed. They can’t send out invitations, get RSVP’s and book a venue in one fucking day. Another fuck up was Mickey bit Ian’s right arm and when we see the bite mark it’s on Ian’s left arm. How can they be this incompetent?

I know people weren’t thrilled about Mickey biting Ian and Ian having to punch Mickey twice, but I can live with it. Of course I don’t love or even like to see them hit each other. I hate it too! I was more sad that they had to go through this on their wedding day and I wish they didn’t have to go through that. Especially because of that asshole Terry.

But Mickey was so angry he couldn’t think straight. And Ian had no other choice but to punch him in order to save him from getting killed by Terry or Mickey getting sent back to prison. They didn’t do it because they were fighting with each other, which probably makes it easier for me to deal with it.

Poor Ian had to run all the way to the venue and back, up the front steps, up the stairs, then down the stairs and then down the back stairs to chase after Mickey and then gets bit by him. All with his broken leg! He needs a rest!

Ian’s face when he’s watching the smoke from the fire was sad. It made me so sad for him. I know he wasn’t into the wedding planning like Mickey, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t just as sad or upset over the fact their venue was burning down.

I was liking Tommy in the previous episode, but he done fucking pissed me off with his stupid opinions that no one asked for. I do love that Vee defended them, but if it were me, I would’ve told him he could find another fucking bar if he said anything like that ever again in this bar. But that’s just me!

I’m happy that Lip’s story line got attention because it deserved it. I’m also happy that it didn’t overshadow Ian and Mickey’s big day. Everything felt evenly spread out for once. Except for Frank but he’s had enough episodes centered around him, for him to sit on the back burner for once. Even though the episode was named after Gallavich and it was their wedding day, I expected John Wells to somehow make this all about Frank. It must’ve killed John Wells! It must be tough not getting it your way for one episode! Poor thing, old rich white men can’t seem to catch a break. I’m totally being sarcastic, but I’m sure you caught that.

I was so impressed with Liam playing Frank the way he did. That kid is a genius! I also love that he wanted Frank at Ian’s wedding and guilted him to be there. I’m not Franks biggest fan and Ian can say he could care less all he wants, but it was good for him to have a parent there and I love Liam for making it happen.

I love that everyone did everything they could to find a place to have the wedding and set everything up for them. This is what this season has been lacking. The whole family together getting shit done! And for once it was for Ian and Mickey.

Mickey talking about how Terry fucking won again and him listing all of the horrible shit he ever did was gut wrenching! He didn’t even mention the worst of it that no one else knows about, except he and Ian and Lip. Terry’s a piece of shit monster that needs to rot in hell.

I know they said in season 3 that Mickey’s mom died. But I’m going with what was last said, and what was last said was she took off. I’m glad we even got this bit of info about her. It’s confusing because we have different stories, but I’m going with what Mickey said. Besides why would he lie in this moment? Ian and Mandy talking about her being dead could’ve been Mandy saying she’s dead to them since she left them behind with Terry.

Mickey told Ian he loves him twice in front of everyone!!! I was crying from that alone. This was a big moment. Anytime Mickey can profess his love for Ian in front of everyone is always a big deal. Considering he was afraid to even act like friends with Ian in front of other people in the beginning.

I love that Lip was still thinking about where to have the wedding and Mickey’s like “Ey, asshole, were you not listening? We’re doing a murder thing here.” Went from sad to funny in a split second.

I thought if we ever got Ian and Mickey talking about having kids, it would be next season. That was if they would even talk about it in the first place. This episode gave me everything I wanted and more. This was one of those more moments.

I couldn’t believe they talked about kids in this episode. I love the fact that Mickey didn’t want them until Ian said he did. Of course Mickey would be happy either way as long as Ian’s happy. If Ian wants kids, he wants kids too. I don’t want this for them now, but maybe in a few years. Really whenever they’re ready. I want what they want!

I also hoped, but didn’t think we’d get, a moment alone with them before the wedding and we did! I squealed and cried so much during this scene! Ian tying Mickey’s bow tie! Both of them teasing each other about how ugly and how pale the other is! That was so them!

Ian charming that polish lady when Mickey was starting to say something bad, was again so them. I also freaked over the polish lady because she came out in Edward Scissorhands and damn she’s aged! But I digress.

Ian and Mickey standing in the venue when the Gallagher’s and Balls were setting everything up was another beautiful moment to me. They could just stand back and watch their family and loved ones set everything up for them.

Ian complementing Mickey’s chairs was so sweet. The cake topper killed me! But the fact that everyone knows Mickey is a bottom, at least for Ian, makes me even more proud of him!

I was not excited about the gay Jesus groupies, especially Geneva, being at the wedding. There was speculation that she might marry Ian and Mickey. I did not like that idea, thank God it didn’t happen. She wanted Ian to fight the charges and possibly go to jail longer and none of them showed up for Ian when he went to prison.

But if it wasn’t for them Ian wouldn’t have ended up in jail with Mickey. I believe that Ian and Mickey are soulmates, so they would’ve ended up together eventually, but it happened sooner because of the shit they got Ian into. In a weird way they made this happen sooner.

I never fully forgive anyone for mistreating Ian or Mickey, but they are somewhat forgiven for keeping Terry from ruining the wedding. They kept Terry from hurting Mickey and/or Ian and for that I will always be grateful. They were good for something in the end. When it really mattered for Ian.

Really, I’m just so happy that everyone came through for Ian and Mickey on their wedding day. Ian and Mickey deserved this more than anyone and I can’t believe they finally got it.

I was also hoping for a moment between Ian and Lip alone before the ceremony. It was touching and enough to make me happy and for me to start crying again. Ian’s choice of song for the ceremony was fucking perfect! I was already a mess at this point!

I thought neither of them were going to walk down the aisle, but my God did I love that Mickey did. I loved Kevin standing there with the bat. He’s basically me when anyone tries to mess with Gallavich. He’s basically all of us!

GOD THE VOWS!!! The fact that I didn’t drop dead in that moment is a fucking miracle! Mickey saying he will cherish Ian really hit me! Ian deserves to be cherished and we all know Mickey is the man for the job. Ian saying it back to Mickey! I was balling!

Frank crying and being happy for them was such a weird emotional moment for me. I know he cares about his kids. I really do not like Frank. When watching season 8, I talked with @luckyshazmrsmonaghansblog about the episode Frank helped them out with that drug dealer. We agreed Frank has his moments and comes through for his kids sometimes.

But this was just for Ian. He never tells Ian he loves him. That time Frank went around telling all his kids he loved them one by one in season 6. I noticed he never told Ian he loved him. He told all his kids he loved them but never said that to Ian. Not once!

They never really had a moment together like Frank has with his other kids. So this was a very emotional moment. It was just him showing up and being supportive and not ruining the wedding. But for Ian that’s a big deal. Especially when Mickey’s father is doing the exact opposite of that.

When Ian asks “Now?” to kiss Mickey, I literally yelled at the TV “YES!” This is such a triumphant moment for them. I’m still in disbelieve it happened. I never would’ve believed it years ago. I’m having a hard time believing it now.

All the music that was played at the wedding was perfect! They hired a good DJ. Mickey dancing!!!!! He’s such a bad dancer and I love it! I love that he did that without being asked. He just wanted to dance at his wedding because he was so happy! Another thing I hoped for but didn’t think we’d get was a slow dance between Ian and Mickey. But we fucking got it!!!!!!

Tami telling Ian and Mickey she loved them? Again, I said out loud to the TV “Since when?” Tami kept calling them ex cons and has barley interacted with them. Looking closely she doesn’t even say it. I think they added that in post production. She wasn’t even originally scripted to say that.

I love that when Kev and Vee were the center of attention for a minute, we still see Mickey dancing and doing air guitar to Whitney Houston in the background! Fucking love it!!!!

Ian sitting down and watching the love of his life, his husband dancing with his family at their wedding was beautiful! A moment Ian will never forget, I’m sure.

It was so Ian to bring up missing his mom at his wedding. Out of all the kids, I will always believe Ian was her favorite. She wasn’t the best mom in the world, but she really loved Ian. I’m sure she would’ve been so happy and proud of him.

And out of all the kids, Ian was the one who connected the most with her and grieved her death the most. I wish he could’ve had her there and I cried when he teared up talking about her. For once Debbie said something right. Monica would’ve loved it. I’m glad the comment was supportive and Ian wasn’t teased for missing his own mother.

If I wasn’t already a mess Ian called Mickey his husband!! I started crying even harder at that! Again the song for the slow dance was fucking perfect for them. Once the slow song came on Mickey started looking around for Ian and that is so sweet!

I was so overwhelmed by this that I didn’t even notice that Lip was drinking right away. It took a few seconds to realize and when I did I was like “No Lip!” I’m glad he got help right away though. Shows how far he’s come as well.

Ian and Mickey driving off together was something I thought would be the last we would see of them this season. I loved it and that Liam got them a beautiful car to use for their honeymoon. I saw this months ago when the spoilers came out and I figured that would be it.

But then we get them at their honeymoon!!!!! I never even dreamed we’d see this. I didn’t even hope for this because I didn’t think it would actually happen! They had the cheesy honeymoon suite with a heart shaped bed and everything!!!

I never knew I wanted this for them until it happened. I fucking loved that they had the cheesiest honeymoon suite experience. For real, this makes me so happy! I don’t know how Terry could’ve found out where they were but okay.

Another bonus! We got another shot of Mickey’s butt!!! We got two butt shots! This was the best episode of the whole fucking series! I know I’m biased because of my love for Gallavich, but it really was the fucking best!

I’m guessing this is a set up for more Terry next season. I hope it doesn’t last long. Only long enough to get rid of him somehow. Without Ian or Mickey getting in trouble with the law for it.

[chlorue]

her two favorite people

let’s get emotional, emotional

Pairing: Fiona Gallagher & Ian Gallagher & Lip Gallagher

Description:  They ended up sleeping close together that night. Holding each other. Fiona snuggling Ian and Phillip like they were her favorite stuffed animals. They were woken up by the sound of things being thrown. Yelling. Screaming. Then nothing. Then a slam. Ian clung to Fiona and Philip took her hand. She made her way to the bedroom door. Creaking it open, she called out into the house. “Mommy? Daddy?” No one answered her so she guessed the slam was them leaving to head to a bar. She turned to her brothers and nodded. Phillip sighed with some relief. Ian didn’t really know what was happening. Fiona hoisted the three year old onto her hip and they all made their way downstairs

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The first time Fiona woke up to her brothers crying was when she was 8. She woke to the sound of Ian crying from the next room. She rushed out of her bed. They were alone in that dark house. Their mommy and daddy were off buying drugs. Fiona walked a small ways down the dark hallway to the room he shared with Phillip. She cracked the door open to see the small ginger three year clinging to the five year old Phillip. “Hello?” She said in the smallest voice possible. They didn’t need to be quiet. No one was there but the three of them. But Fiona was scared of startling the small child. 

“Fiona?” Phillip’s small voice came through. Ian was sniffing and trying to calm himself down. Fiona pushed the door wider. The light was dim and yellow. There was the same tiny bed she had tucked Ian into just 3 hours ago. She rushed to her brothers. She pulled them both into her embrace. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Fiona pulled her smaller brother into her lap, brushing his head as he cried in her shoulder. 

“I think he’s scared, I don’t really know?” Phillip sighed. Fiona may have been eight but her protective self had instantly kicked in. She held Ian tighter, whispering and shushing him, telling him it would be okay. She felt him clutch her brown curls. 

“Are you okay?” She grabbed the blonde's hand. She felt angry and hurt. She was let down by mommy and daddy again. Her friends in her grade would talk about how their parents would hold them when they were scared. Mommy wouldn’t wake up sometimes if Ian slipped or Phillip cut himself. Fiona was there to help. She didn’t want to tell them about the fact the mommy and daddy were probably passed out in the living room. They needed Fiona. And she needs them. 

“I don’t know? I’m scared.” Phillip sniffed. In the dim light she could see the tears starting to fall. Fiona leaned against the wall, pulling Phillip to her other shoulder. Ian had calmed down a little bit. Fiona felt safe. She was scared of what tomorrow would bring. Would she be walking Phillip to school with Ian in a stroller? Or would Daddy help? Would she go downstairs to see Mommy’s pills and bottles scattered across the coffee table? No one knew. But she knew one thing. Her two younger brothers were her main focus. Keeping them close to her was one thing she always knew. They were her favorite things. She remembers seeing both Phillip and Ian for the first time. She had never wanted to protect something more as a four year old.

They ended up sleeping close together that night. Holding each other. Fiona snuggling Ian and Phillip like they were her favorite stuffed animals. They were woken up by the sound of things being thrown. Yelling. Screaming. Then nothing. Then a slam. Ian clung to Fiona and Philip took her hand. She made her way to the bedroom door. Creaking it open, she called out into the house. “Mommy? Daddy?” No one answered her so she guessed the slam was them leaving to head to a bar. She turned to her brothers and nodded. Phillip sighed with some relief. Ian didn’t really know what was happening. Fiona hoisted the three year old onto her hip and they all made their way downstairs.

It was a mess and she was used to it. Beer bottles were everywhere and the coffee table was covered in cigarette butts and mommy’s empty pill bottles. She knew that Ian couldn’t be around this all day. That’s why on her way to taking herself and Phillip to school she would drop him off at Mrs. Conrad's house and she would babysit him till she got home. And when she got home she would help Phillip learn his numbers and ABCs while Ian sat in her lap playing with her bracelets.

-

The next time she feels protective of Lip and Ian, she is 12. They were sitting at the kitchen table helping each other with their homework while Debbie was sound asleep in a Pack-and-Play next to them. Ian was having trouble with his math and Lip was having a little trouble with reading comprehension. She looked up from her book to see Ian trying to balance a pencil on his nose. His hair was dark red now and his face was covered in freckles. She smiled and reached across to swat him. “Hey! Pay attention!” 

Ian laughed and put his focus back on the worksheet in front of him. “So Fiona, if I just do this, will I get the right answer?” Ian asked, pushing his paper towards her. His handwriting was pretty okay for a seven year old. It was messy, but she could still read it. He was trying to solve a simple problem. 6 plus 8. She had told him a simple strategy to help him. She smiled at the work he was trying to do. He was already on the right track. 

“Okay, if you do that, what do you think the answer is?” Fiona asked. Ian looked to be doing math in his head. Lip started to lean over. “Lip! No helping, he has to figure it out!” She swatted her other brother. He laughed and pulled away.

“Is the answer 14?” Ian said after counting on his fingers. Fiona nodded and his face lit up. That always brightened her mood. If she was having a crappy day, and they were sitting with each other, Ian’s face would light up at the slightest thing and would make Fiona’s day so much better. He high fived Lip and did the same with Fiona.

“And your rewards for finishing your homework is this chocolate bar I bought with a few bucks from Monica’s wallet.” She smirked and slid a Snickers across the table. The two boys broke into it immediately. She giggled as she watched them fight over who got the bigger half. They were always like this. They were brothers. The two were inseparable. 

The moment was ruined as fast as it started. The front clicked as two stumbling voices broke the laughs coming from the kids. Frank and Monica were home, and they were drunk. Fiona realizes what’s going to happen and heads straight for Debbie. Fiona knew Monica had been off her meds for a few weeks. She knew what was happening with her. She was acting crazy and had so much energy. She almost dropped Debbie the other day. Frank was probably drunk and high. They were laughing as they stumbled into the kitchen.

Fiona was sitting in her chair again. Slowly, she rocked Debbie so she wouldn’t wake to the sounds. They didn’t seem to see the kids for 5 minutes. Fiona watched as they stumbled around trying to get food and shit from the kitchen. Frank kept asking Monica where she had some money. Finally, Monica noticed them. “Hi kids! We missed you!” Her words were slurred together. Frank groaned when he caught sight of them. “Say, Fiona, do you happen to have any money?” Monica leaned over the counter and smiled at her daughter. Fiona shook her head. Monica sighed and pointed her direction to Ian. “Ian, baby? You have a few bucks for mommy? I promise to use it wisely.” She tried to make puppy eyes to fool him. Fiona wasn’t having it.

“He’s seven! Lip is nine! We don’t have jobs, we don’t have a source of income, that’s what you guys are for. But No! You spend whatever job money you get on drugs. And not even the ones to help you! What kind of parent asks their seven year old kid for money. Honestly, it’s like you don’t even see us. You see wallets! We can’t help you. Sorry that we’re only kids without jobs.” Fiona let it all out on her. She had so many feelings. She stomped up the stairs and up to her and Debbie's room.

She wasn’t in there for long when her door flung open. She was engulfed in the warm embrace of Lip. Ian soon joined in. She sobbed a little into her brother's shoulder. “Are you okay?” Lip pulled away. She nodded and wiped her tears. Monica never stays for too long. She comes to mooch on whatever she can. She took whatever she could. Fiona recalled the last time she left. Fiona was 5, Ian had just been born, and Lip was too young to remember. She remembered asking Daddy where mommy was. Frank never told her because he never cared about her feelings. 

“Do you think she’ll stay?” Ian asked in his soft voice. Fiona wasn’t going to start lying to her two favorite people in the world. Fiona shook her head and took Ian and Lip's hands. “We’ll stay with you.” Ian gave her a small smile. 

She gave a wet laugh and smiled. “Thanks. You guys are the best. I love you.” Fiona pulled them into another hug and they both clung to her as if the world was ending. Monica left again that morning. But that didn’t matter to her, Ian and Lip mattered to her.

-

The next time, she felt protected by her brothers. She was 17 and had just dropped out of high school. She had to. She had to raise Debbie, Carl, and Liam. She knew she couldn’t do that and juggle school, even with Ian and Lip’s help. She was sitting in her room, hugging her pillow close and looking at her old journals. The door slid open to reveal the 12 year Ian holding a beer in his hands. “Wanna share?” He smiled. The smile made everything seem better. She nodded and he made his way into the room. 

She snaked her arm around him as he sat down next to her. “How you doin’ sweetface? Feelin’ better?” She asked, starting to feel Ian’s forehead. He had been a little sick the past few days. She had been hanging out with him everyday, trying to make her feel better. He nodded and laid his head on her shoulders. He sighed and focused his sight on the journals. 

“Woah, Craig Heisner?” He exclaimed when he spotted the heart doddle with his name in it. Fiona flustered up and slammed the journal close causing Ian to start laughing. “No! Tell me about it!” He teased her. She pushed his head away and chuckled. 

“Shut the fuck up, ass.” Fiona sighed. “He was just a guy who was way out of league.” She smiled and laid her head on his shoulder. He rested his jaw on her head, slowly twisting the curls in his hands. 

“Nah, you were  out of his league.” He kissed her head. Ian was always Fiona’s biggest fan and the same went for her.  He always supported things she did. He was on board for her dropping out, even if Lip wasn’t. “But he sounds like a dick, and you deserve way better.” He rubbed her arm. They had become very close in the last few years. Ian was her rock. A person she could talk to. She knows he’s a little closer to Lip, but she just feels safe around him. 

“Thanks.” She kissed his temple when pulling herself up. She knew that if Ian had come in when he did, she’d be sitting there for hours regretting her decision and crying about her big fight with Lip. They sat there for a few minutes in the silence trading the beer between them. Then the door opened again. It was Lip.

“Hey, I wanted to apologize.” Lip scooted himself into the room. “I yelled at you, and that was a shitty thing for me to do. You’re just trying to help the family, and I shouldn’t be mad at that.” He looked at her waiting for an ‘I forgive you’, Fiona smiled wide.

“Get in here!” Was her forgiveness. Lip smiled and threw himself into the bed. He crawled into Fiona's other arm and settled in pretty quickly.

“Hey, did you know Fi had a crush on Craig Heisner?” Ian leaned over to Lip.

Fiona lightly swatted his head. “Ian!” He pulled back and laughed. They all did. She was sitting here with the two people who got her the best. Her two most favorite things in the world. 

-

Fiona sat in her New York apartment looking at her phone. She was on her daily call with Ian and Lip. They had agreed to do this after Ian got out of prison. They all lived in separate houses so they had a set time to call each other. Ian was rambling about something cute Franny did with Mickey, Lip was setting in his own stories with Fred. She sat on the top of her counter eating some toast and scrolling through her camera roll. She came across a picture from a Halloween party when she was 25. Ian and Lip’s heads were on her shoulders making funny faces and she was looking off into the distance. 

The picture was taken before they all started fighting. They fought out of love. Siblings always fight, especially when they know each other so well. Fiona was so relieved when Ian didn’t punch her when she went to visit him. He comforted her, like he always did. She was happy Lip and her left each other on good terms. He would text her and make sure she got to a meeting that day. She would call him whenever she felt like a drink and then they’d end up talking for hours, sometimes annoying Ian who was trying to hang out with his husband. Fiona smiled at the picture and sent to their groupchat with a simple good night and I love you and hung up with phone. 

Her two favorite people, in the whole fucking world. 

-

word count: 2331

[loftec]

I was really hoping to update NTW this weekend, but it’s looking less and less likely... so, here’s something else.

I found an alternate season 6/7 thing I started outlining when that whole mess went down, like just ideas for how Ian’s storyline could have worked out after season 5 (I would have included the other characters too, but honestly I don’t know what they’ve been up to since I stopped watching. Fiona bought a building. For some reason. I don’t want to know.).

So I’ve added some stuff for season 8 and 9, and since I’m probably never going to write it I thought I’d just share it for laughs.

May the 4th be with you!

Alt Shameless after season 5

Ian is on his meds and since he broke up with Mickey because he thought he’d be better off alone, he doesn’t go looking for new boyfriends.

He sleeps around a lot though.

He doesn’t have a lot of storyline, because he’s mostly clammed up and moping around, and his family keep assuming that it’s because of his meds.

Maybe four episodes in, something happens at work that makes Ian seek out an LGBT+ group, where he meets Trevor at a charity event. They work together all day and really hit it off, they have some similar interests (interests!), and they end up talking about a lot of things (things!). At the end of the day, Trevor asks him out, and Ian says yes before he’s remembered that he doesn’t do that stuff.

He’s nervous about the date and drinks a couple of beers before Trevor even shows up, he gets piss drunk and wakes up the next day in a strange room.

It’s Trevor’s bedroom, and Trevor comes in with coffee, telling him that Ian was pretty much drunk when he showed up and barely able to stand on his own two legs by the time they left. He doesn’t know where he lives, so he took him home for the night.

Ian tells him about being on meds, and that’s why he got so drunk so fast.

Trevor thinks he could have just told him, and Ian says his mental illness pretty much was the reason his old relationship didn’t work out.

Trevor asks if it was Mickey. Ian wonders what Trevor knows about it.

“You may have mentioned him last night.”

Ian says yeah, and is quick to correct him when Trevor assumes that it was Mickey who left.

“I broke up with him, thought it was the best for the both of us at the time… also don’t think I expected it to last. We usually find our way back.”

“But not this time?”

“He’s in prison. Fifteen years.”

It’s the first time he says it out loud.

Trevor says he’s not interested in starting a relationship with someone who’s clearly still in love with their ex (and Ian kinda smiles, because it’s true and it’s so nice that someone else can see it and accept it and take it seriously). But, he says, you do look like you could use a friend, and not to brag, but I make an excellent friend. He does the cheesy handshake, re-introduction thing (where we find out his last name!) and they agree to be friends.

(Turns out Trevor is estranged from his family, and after maybe a shaky start, he finds a natural spot in the Gallagher clan and becomes part of some of the other plot points throughout the season.)

Ian’s storylines can be about his work, and about stuff happening at the LGBT+ youth center, and they get into hijinks, but nothing super serious (or illegal!!).

Ian at some point has a big moment with Yevgeny, where he comes to terms with no longer being a parent, and maybe even thinking that it’s for the best. (Svetlana and her thrupple storyline can basically be the same, but end differently. With the three of them happy and together, and Yevgeny thinking of Kev as his dad. It’s not ideal, but neither is Yev being sad about his dad being in prison.) Maybe Ian talks to Svetlana about Mickey, maybe finding out for the first time that they aren’t married anymore. We don’t find out what Ian thinks or feels about this.

Throughout the second half of the season. Whenever the Gallaghers gather and Ian isn’t there, they wonder where he is and try to reach him, letting it go when he doesn’t answer.

But after it happens too many times to be a coincidence, they start wondering. Maybe Lip and Fiona talk about it, worrying about Ian having a low, or a high, but not knowing if they should intervene.

Lip talks to Trevor, and tells him more about Ian’s bipolar. Trevor denies having noticed anything going on, and maybe even questions if Lip has any right telling him Ian’s personal stuff.

(Also, I think it would be really nice for Trevor to have a romantic/sexy storyline... so I wouldn’t mind Trevor and Ian starting a friends with benefits relationship, deciding on the terms of it before they start it. Or, Trevor starts a relationship with someone else. Depends on how much drama one wants. Trevor could develop unrequited feelings. If one wants. But personally I think it would be more fun for everyone involved if he was allowed to fall in love with someone else.)

Last episode of the season, they’ve had some big plot point resolved by the Gallaghers getting together and working it out as a goddamned team, and they’re all sitting on the porch steps when a police car stops outside their house.

The officer tells them that Ian is on record as having visited Mickey in prison, and Lip is like, yeah, maybe a couple of times a year ago, what’s that got to do with anything? And the officer says, no, he’s visited once a week for the past six months. And Mickey has escaped. And they have a warrant to search their house.

The Gallaghers sit packed together on the couch watching the news as the officers search through the house, and on the TV we get the whole scoop. There has been a massive prison break and like 40 highly dangerous inmates have escaped, Mickey amongst them.

BOOM. Credits.

Season seven.

Throughout the season, we get like comedic side story lines about the police and the escaped inmates basically roaming the streets. Potentially outrageous and lots of opportunity to oscillate between slapstick comedy and high-stakes drama.

Ian waits for Mickey to contact him, but it doesn’t happen until maybe a couple of episodes in. TENSION.

Ian has other storylines through the season, but mainly it ends up being his secret rendezvous (plural, frequent, in-depth, sexy) with Mickey where they get to spend time together, talk. Bonus if they try to “be friends” for a while, because they don’t talk about the important stuff and they don’t know where they have each other, and they don’t know what’s going to happen. It doesn’t last long, culminating in an explosively passionate love scene.

At some point, Ian is approached by an FBI agent, telling him they have a deal for Mickey if he turns himself in and gives them info on the other escapees. Ian says he’s not in contact with Mickey and even if he was, Mickey would never snitch.

Later on, he talks to Mickey about their future. Mickey explains that the gang he joined in prison are escaping across the border to Mexico, and he has to go with them. Ian says he’ll come with Mickey, but Mickey is firmly against it.

He wants Ian to come with him, of course, but he doesn’t want that life for Ian. No security, a life of crime, on the lam. He kind of gets why Ian broke up with him, now, if this is anything like what he felt at the time, stuck between a rock and a hard place. Ian pleads with him, telling him that breaking up is something he’s only ever regretted since he did it.

Yeah, but what other choice have we got?

Ian tells him about the deal, and takes out two gold bands he’s bought from a pawnshop. If they get married, they can be put in the witness protection program together, and start over.

Mickey agrees, to Ian’s great surprise, and they end the season being shipped off to an unknown location as the busload of prisoners get apprehended on the way to Mexico (cartoonish, but with a little bit of work and research, maybe could be an acceptably goofy and almost realistic plot point).

(For Drama, Mickey could be with the prisoners when they’re apprehended, and he’s shot dead by the police. Cut to Ian being in the ambulance that picks him up, and Mickey is still sitting in his body bag, all bloodied, as they suck face and the FBI drive them to their new location.)

Season 8

Ian and Mickey try to start a new life and it turns completely ridiculous (like, imagine a mix between IASIP where Mac and Dennis are in the house with the Mac & Cheese mixed with like, Suburgatory, or Weeds, or whatever. Two gay South Side kids suddenly trying to make a life for themselves in some middle class suburb somewhere, and they hate it and it all goes to shit. But they love each other and get each other through it.)

The hardship they face in their new life doesn’t come from them, (it’s from situations and circumstance, and other people being impossible) and every time something happens it only leads them to break down another barrier by eventually talking about their feelings and hopes for the future, and thoughts about the past. And I want them specifically to talk about Yevgeny, how hard it was for Mickey to feel anything good about him at first, but now he misses him like he’s missing a limb. Them trying to be a wholesome couple in a suburb somewhere is an unmitigated disaster, but it does help them get a lot closer to each other and work through their problems, and their past.

And then through some Shameless™ retcon, something suddenly makes it possible for them to return back home. Or maybe they’re just like, fuck this, is there anyone stopping us from just grabbing our shit and going home?? No. So they do.

Yevgeny is part of the reason why they return. They move in to the apartment above the Alibi at first, and Mickey can work with Svetlana in the bar and cook up semi-illegal side-hustles with Kev. 

Everybody they know are on their side, denying everything in true South Side style if anyone asks about them, once again solidifying the core concept of the show; we take care of family.

The whole thing where they’re possibly in danger from the Mexican cartel looking to exact revenge for Mickey snitching (if they ever find out that he’s alive) could be played for laughs and brushed off, until it might come back and create more Drama in a later season, if needed, before being permanently resolved.

Characters thinking they’re invincible and being stupid about stuff like this is fine, I think, if they do it for a good reason.

[sweetmoxiety]

Behind This Mask Is a Desperate Heart (Part Four)

Hospital AU

AU Summary: A fall. A single fall. It may seem like nothing until it’s all consuming. What happens when the doctors struggle to diagnosis the disease responsible for Virgil’s rapid deterioration?

Characters: Virgil, Patton, Roman, Logan.

Pairings: Moxiety and Logince.

Word Count: 1830

Warnings: Swearing, death, and speaking about it (not main character death).

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |  Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 |

     “Logan... Lo-”

    “What Roman!” Logan snapped, whipping his head Roman’s way. Sweat dripped down his brow as he kept pressing the heel of his interlocked fingers down.

    “He’s been down forty-three minutes,” Roman said softly, fingers latching onto Logan’s arm.

    To his dismay, Logan roughly shook off his grasp. Nothing was working; the defibrillator atop the crash cart had done nothing to restart the child’s choked heart.

    Training his jaded eyes back onto the monitor, Logan watched on as the desperate pressing of his hands forged fleeting peaks. Ceasing again, Logan rattled his fist, his nails digging gratingly into his sweaty palm. And the crests were rapidly replaced with the shrill of the flatline buzz.

    ‘Fuck,’ he cursed under his breath, disregarding the throbbing ache in his arms and the sticky feeling of sweat hugging his skin as he began compressions again. The line of nurses waiting to take over had dwindled. And instead, tired eyes watched Logan’s adamant refusal.  

    “Logan,” Roman hesitated to reach out a second time, but the larger the crowd of patients that framed them, the faster he knew he needed to bring it to an end, “Lo, you need to stop.”

    “People have come back after having been down for longer,” Logan countered, rhythm faltering and voice strained.

    “Lo.., he’s been deprived of oxygen for too long.”

    Logan knew Roman was right. The longer the brain was deprived of oxygen, the worse the damage would be. Logically, he should stop. He should stop. What he was doing defied logic. But reason, faulty or not, told him that there was a chance; he’d seen it happen before. So, no, he can’t stop from pressing the heel of his palm down. He-

    “Stop, Logan,” Roman firmly grabbed Logan’s sweat-slicked arm, dragging him off the patient and onto the tile floor.

    “No-,” Logan spat coldly, trying to tug his arm free from the attending pulling him away, but that didn’t halt Roman from tugging him further as the monitor shrieked out a dying cry. It screeched at him, wailed at him, and squawked at him. And he wilted. He wilted hearing the shattering whine of the flatline. And he stopped fighting. He slumped, watching the nurses’ unplug the heart monitor; the call of the monitor vanishing like ships crossing the Bermuda triangle. Absent was the rise and fall of the child’s chest, and absent was the reassuring beep. Instead, reassurance was replaced by machine wheels being dragged away along scratched floors.

    Teal lips and muted, cold skin glaring at him from the corner of his eye sunk their teeth sharply into his memory. But what had, had tears springing into the corners of his eyes was the withered flower visage, the sagged shoulders, and the child’s arms limp at his sides. It was seeing them shelter the child in a flimsy, white sheet that caused Logan to truly depress.

    “F-Fuck off, Ro,” Logan shook, finally yanking his arm free. Stumbling, he turned, wiping away the tears before anyone could see them leave wet trails in their wake.

    “Logan-”

    Logan cleared his throat, shifting, and abruptly cutting off Roman.

    “The beta-blockers should have worked,” He, then, said all too controlled, fists clenched and watching on stiffly like a switch had been flipped. The Propranolol should have worked. Why hadn’t it worked?

    “I know, Lo,” Roman frowned with unease, guiding them both down the achromatic hallway. He’d never observed Logan as anything other than the stoic, calculating logicistian he so frequently gloated on being... “You know you didn’t do anything wrong, right?” Roman watched the other scrunch up his nose as if he’d been asked to try escargot.

    “The facts would seem to suggest otherwise,” Logan scoffed under his breath.

    “I know you know that sometimes people can’t be saved,” Roman opted to use logic against him as he ushered him through the mess room’s ajar door.  

    “I’m aware.”

    “Then you’d know it wasn’t your fault. Sometimes we just lose patients,” Roman said, shutting the door and steering Logan’s stiff frame to sit on the mattress beside him.

    “Yes, well-” Logan muttered, peeling away from the look Roman offered children to comfort them through a particularly painful injection, “I haven’t.”

    “Never?”

    “That is what I said.”

    When Roman fell silent, Logan glanced back at Roman to see his mouth curled downward like a bad omen. He was about to speak up when Roman suddenly interjected, “Do you know why I went into pediatrics?”

    “You’re too exuberant and animated for any other field,” Logan joked jadedly, scooting back further onto the bed, the mattress faintly creaking underneath him as he did so.

    “No- well, it does help with dealing with children, but no, that's not the reason,” Roman shook his head, a choked laugh caught in the back of his throat.

    “Why then?”

    He’d piqued Logan’s interest, but Roman had fallen silent a second time - two times too many. For a man that was so boisterous and noisy at every possible opportunity, him sitting there with his hands resting limply in his lap was unnerving. It was far from the childlike energy he typically exuded.

    “...Roman?”

    “In my third year of med school.., I was assigned a pediatric oncology rotation-”

    “I do remember you mentioning that quite a few times. It would appear it had an impact on you.”

    “Yes...,” He wasn’t past the point of return, but in a moment of trust he proceeded, “but I’ve never told you about Layla.”

    “Layla?”

    “She was the bravest princess,” Roman smiled ruefully, head lolling forward slightly, “She adored my marvelous story telling; her favorite tale was the battle of the dragon witch and the strong, fearless princess!”

    Pausing to collect himself as history painfully nudged its way into the present, Roman continued, “Oh, Lo, if only you could have seen the dreams reflecting in her eyes and the way she lit up every room with her contagious smiles.”

     “More contagious than dear Patton’s!” Roman’s fragile smile straddled the edge of sinking again as his fingertips swiped away new tears over old memories.

    “What happened to Layla, Roman?”

    “She had acute myelogenous leukemia...,” he let out a shaky sigh as he reached into the past to tug those memories looser. Memories of Layla were fragile treasures, priceless glimpses of hope. Memories of her enacting a battle with Roman and striking him with a foam sword before she was too sick to get out of bed weren’t allowed to simply fade away. Those memories once left his heart mangled and weeping. But memories of Layla going wide-eyed as Roman spoke frivolously of the adventures of Princess Fiona and of Layla giggling wildly as Roman’s attending poked fun at him sprung forward with dizzying speed; short, happy time capsules of history nestled in Roman’s mind.

    “She was nine, Lo, and I blamed myself. I was the one that encouraged the transplant.”

    “But you know what?” Roman continued, drying his downcast eyes with his white sleeve, “she helped me; her story shaped mine.”

     When Logan didn’t say anything, Roman resumed, his voice freckled with an incurable ache, “There was a time when I tried to shake the memories because it hurt. It pained me too much, but it was Layla that made me fight for pediatrics.”

    And a silence fell over them.

    “I- I.. I don’t know what to say.”

    “Lo, what I’m trying to tell you is that we can’t save everybody no matter how hard we try, and I know you won’t admit how much it’s eating at you and how much it’ll eat at you because ‘it defies logic’, but I want you to get it into your brainiac head of yours that you’re not alone.”

    Glancing over at Roman, Logan saw the fences torn down by the man himself, “I- Thank you, Roman.”

-------

    “Ye- yes, Patton,” Logan nodded quickly,  interrupting Patton’s distressed rambling, and eyeing the way Roman disappeared back into the E.R., “I am fine. It was just a moment of weakness.”

    “Having emotions isn’t a weakness.”

    “Emotions are messy and unpredictable and precarious.” Emotions were far from the safe clutches of reasoning and deduction; emotions just weren’t Logan’s thing.

    “You shouldn't feel guilty or view having feelings as a weakness,” Patton set the fact free from its fetters, “sure, sometimes, your feelings may not make sense, but it's not your feelings job to make sense. You just... experience them. And you have to do your best to deal with them.”

   Logan stopped, pondered even, only to recycle pages of his own inadequate words and cycle through dozens more he wouldn’t share.

    “Yeah?” Patton cocked his head, picking up again, “understanding them and being in touch with them can give us a better outlook on our issues and our situations. And by understanding how they influence us, we can better evaluate ourselves.” He could tell he was starting to sway Logan, but Logan had long ago cocooned himself in the safety of rationality.

    “Have you heard of Antonio Damasio?” Patton pursued changing Logan’s mind like he chased after a second cookie.  

    Logan shook his head.

    “Well, Antonio Damasio noticed that when his patients lost the part of the brain that controlled emotions, the patients’ decision making abilities became very poor. So, where would we be if we didn’t have the emotional side of our brains?”

    “Huh...” Logan furrowed his brow, eyeing Patton incredulously, “you seem to make a sound argument, Patton.”

    “Hmm....,” after another wordless moment of careful contemplation, Logan spoke up again, “it would seem you are.. right, Patton.” Patton was right? What..? Patton was right...

    “Oh my juice! Really?” His spirit danced with reason to celebrate, lips stretched into a shocked grin.

    “...Yes,” Logan admitted, though he much preferred not having to say it a second time. It was like pulling teeth to hear him verbally acknowledge when he was wrong, but maybe that’s what made it so astonishing to hear.

    “Come ‘ere, hug time!”

    “Fine..” Logan grumbled, letting Patton wrap his arms tightly around him, his own limbs trapped underneath the sweet sunshine’s arms circling his torso.

    “Just know that I’m here for you, Lo,” Patton squeezed, looking up at Logan before letting go. He knew Logan didn’t particularly enjoy long hugs even if they were from him.

    “Thank you, Patton.”

    “Now, how about we go get a nice warm cup of hot cocoa?”

    “That would be satisfactory.”

    “Yay! Let’s g- Oh-” Patton started and then stopped, cogs turning before setting his own universe back in motion, “maybe I should see if Virgil’s up first? You did say you wanted me to keep an eye on him. Last time I checked in on him it was three ish?”

    “That’s right,” Logan said, waving his hand, “go ahead, Patton, I’ll meet you in the cafeteria.”

“Okay! I’ll be right behind you!” Patton leapt into motion with a pep in his step. He’d done good.

Tag list (ask to be added): @buckydeangirl91 @bunny222

[koganphrancis]

Camless Episode 5

All The Writers Of This Show Are Shit

We had us a brand new writer this week and all we got was the same old same old: OOC, Retconing, and Repeats of Old Story Beats.

I’ll attempt a recap, but this episode really sucked the will out of me.

(gif credit: gallavichlovies)

I’m not going to do my usual character by character recap because frankly some really awful shit went down this week that I’m just going to refer to and not go into in depth.  Plus, so much of the episode was tedious repeats of shit the writer had JUST TRIED to say.  

We had both Debbie and Ian go knocking on the wrong doors for advice. We had two endless Lip scenes where all that was happening was he was running and riding a motorcycle.  Maybe next week he can paint a fence and we can all watch as the paint dries. Liam is sexually molested (off screen, but still) by another child who had been sexually molested. Carl and Frank both get slapped around in sexually-adjacent situations just as the show is once again trying to drive home what’s unacceptable for men to do to women-hey, Shameless, that goes for what’s unacceptable for women to do to men, women to do to other women, and men to do to other men as well.  They tried to make “going Fiona” a thing-twice.   There were at least four scenes where Frank tried to get an erection. There were endless retcons (more on those to come).  

My notes are all over the place and the show’s such a shit pile I can’t even begin to make a smooth narrative out of them, so here’s a list of my observations, saving the Ian shit for last.

Debbie had a running thread through a big part of the episode where she’s literally bored to the point of falling asleep listening to Alex-that is exactly how I feel about their relationship/the Debbie thinks she might be gay storyline.  Also, if anyone cares, Debs has completely dropped her equal rights/equal pay fight.  She doesn’t even seem to go to work anymore. Later, Debbie goes to visit the lesbians in Fiona’s building (rather than, I don’t know, talking to Vee about her experiences with Svetlana, since that seems maybe more in line with feelings Debbie is experiencing?) and the scene was clearly written in lieu of Shameless ever showing sex scenes anymore.  

The blond lesbian, Mel, exposes herself to Debbie in the doorway of her apartment (but sadly for the Netflix fans, her back is to the camera), without establishing if Debbie is not a minor, and then she kisses her in a sloppy slo-mo saliva string sharing close up.  Debbie is supposedly stunned stupid by this, but the whole “you like what you like and you don’t have to justify your sexual orientation to anyone” message falls flat.  Debbie has ALWAYS been starved for attention, and she misreads any attention she gets from anyone of any sex.  Since Matty she’s always equated someone trying to be interested in her as being interested in her sexually.  And that kiss wasn’t sexual at all-it too was a form of molestation-it wasn’t asked for or consented to.  This show is shit.  

Carl meets a young woman at a West Point mixer, the daughter of the scary military officer who is throwing the party.  Hello, we’ve done this already with Dom and her scary cop dad.  Yawn.  Carl films them not having sex after she passes out drunk so he can prove he didn’t molest/rape her, should it ever come in question.  At first the young woman is mad (and jumps on him and starts slapping him around, just like Katey Sagal will do in a scene with Frank), but then later she returns Carl’s phone and says she saw he didn’t film them having sex, but there is a recording on there of him having sex with someone else.  He says that’s Kassidi, his ex, but fails to let Kelly (the new chick) know she’s dead and he’s an accessory to her murder.  And how fucking creepy is it that Carl’s kept sex with his dead ex on his phone?  Is that something he’s still watching?  Does he get off to it?  This show is shit.

Kev and Vee get stuck with Frank in a few scenes, foreshadowing the boring seasons to come, should the show get renewed (why are they still sitting on announcing that, btw?).  There’s a subplot for Kev where he’s going to speak at a women’s rally in his new-found position of Vagina Safe consultant, but he wisely bows out when he hears the real hell women face on a regular basis.  Why this show is trying to be socially conscious this late in the game I’ll never know.  Especially since they’ll keep pulling their bullshit and defend it with “it’s Shameless!” like they’ve always done in the past.  This show is shit.

There’s the weekly Fiona/Bored disagreements-this time they’re about little things like music preferences and whether or not Fiona should care about her brother going to prison for up to two decades.  Bored winds up singing along to a song to Fiona at the end-it should’ve been Gus Pfender’s Fuck You, Fiona and they could’ve had a cute discussion about Gus being Fi’s ex-husband.  This show is shit.

Now Ian.  Sigh.  Nothing makes sense.  Everything’s either a lie or a retcon and we the audience still don’t know which.  At breakfast he’s telling the family his plea options, and when Liam questions temporary insanity, Ian rattles off, “Bipolar, off my meds.”  So is Ian saying that’s just the definition of the defense he could use, or is he saying “I was off my meds”????  WHY won’t the show give us any answers?  There were two significant scenes in Season 8 where he staunchly said he was taking his meds and that he (rightly) was entitled to feel emotions and be angry at times.  Are we supposed to think that right about then is when he stopped taking them and then Gay Jesus happened?  But if that was the case, why did he stop taking his meds, and now how long has he been off them-or did he start taking them again and now they’re working after being off them for all the GJ stuff PLUS when he was in jail for 9 months?  IF he was off his meds for any amount of time but especially a long amount of time (pretty sure an argument could be made he’d been off them since leaving Mickey/Monica dying/stalking boring Terror, blowing that old couple for money), why did his manic phase seem so different than when he was back from the army?  Can the show try to explain anything?  

Ian and Fiona and Geneva all go to the lawyer’s office-why?  There IS such a thing as client-attorney privilege and the lawyer, at least, would ask them to wait outside once the screaming began if not sooner.  But oh well.  Ian finally says, “Does anyone want to hear what my lawyer has to say?”  Me at home: YES!!!  Lawyer starts to talk, “I know this judge-he’s under...” Geneva starts yelling again and what gets lost in her bullshit is that later on, the judge is not a he?  

Outside Fi asks Ian, “Are all lesbians that dramatic?”  I asked last week, I’m asking again: Is Geneva a lesbian?  Is this just another retcon?  Her initial interactions with Ian seemed like she was crushing on him, that she wanted him, and there’s been nothing about her being a lesbian in canon.  I know it’s not important, but the lack of attention to detail on this show contributes mightily to its shittiness.

Suddenly Ian has a question, and he can think of only one place to get an answer (even though Liam was able to Google “what is cocktail attire?” and get an answer in seconds.  Ian should’ve asked him to look up his question as well).  

Ian goes to the Milkovich house and it’s so fucking OOC I don’t even want to think about it.  For whatever reason, Ian politely says, “Hi, Mr. Milkovich,” when Terry answers the door-why would he even bother?  Terry’s not big on manners, for one thing, and for another, the last time Ian saw Terry he was flipping him off as he was being carted back to prison.  Don’t think Terry’s going to be warmed over by a polite greeting.  Anyway, Ian asks him about being in the pen, and Terry says there’s ass and mouth rapings that Ian would probably enjoy, shitty food, and beat downs from the guards.  Ian asks if Terry was mouth raped (I think he specified that, I didn’t put it in my notes) and Terry indignantly says that Milkoviches don’t “bottom”.  Ian says, “Was Mickey adopted?” and I can’t tell if he was trying to piss Terry off or if he was genuinely curious, but as a joke it didn’t work-Ian knows (or the old Ian did, anyway) better than anyone that Mickey was absolutely nothing like Terry, in any way, not just in sexual preferences.  Another OOC comment to just make the viewer weep thinking about the old days.  Also, having Terry know, let alone USE, the term bottom was also OOC in the extreme.  He might as well have said, “All Milkoviches are cishet.”  It would’ve been just as believable.  

But back to the scene.  Ian says, “Rapings, food, guards-I can handle that shit.  I just need to know...” Terry interrupts him.  “Anyone can handle that shit.  (Again, me at home: Really?)  It’s the boredom that’ll kill ya...Start reading books, lifting weights...”  (Mickey already told him that about juvie AND prison-how dense is Ian that he never got it?)  “But you’re in the same place, with the same assholes, doing the same shit, every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every god damn year.  If I was you I’d pack my shit and run.”  

Ian’s face while he’s running down all the segments of time seems to look like Terry’s getting through to him.  And Terry telling him to take off is actually the best advice Ian winds up getting-in the long run Terry seems to care about keeping Ian out of prison more than his own family.  Terry easily could’ve slammed the door in Ian’s face and ignored him.  Does that mean I forgive Terry at all for everything he did to Mickey, Mandy, and Ian-not to mention his other sons and Svetlana?  FUCK NO.  But how telling is it that this show is now so bad that a villainous piece of shit like Terry is the one character we are listening to and agreeing with?  

One last thing about Terry-he just got out, but he knows Mickey’s in Mexico?  How?  I’m hoping this is a set up for Ian being able to find Mickey next week (or at the end of the season if we have to wait that fucking long), but this show doesn’t do continuity anymore, so I’m sure there’s no logical explanation for Terry knowing that fact.  

Fi goes to the Gallagher house looking for Ian and finds an empty box of hair dye, and a towel stained with hair dye, and that Ian’s drawers are empty.  I also noticed that his pillow was gone-did he pack that up too?  If so, I’m hoping it’s because he and Mickey shared it and he wanted to keep some part of Mick with him always, but we know this show ain’t about that anymore.  Anyway, Fi goes and tells Lip she thinks Ian skipped bail and they have to go find him.  Lip says no, Ian’s an adult.  This conversation also just took place with Debbie-or takes place right after, the show was so boring I couldn’t keep the repeated scenes straight if you put a gun to my head.  

WHY are the siblings so uncaring about Ian going to prison-or getting caught as a fugitive and spending even more time there?  WHY is everyone so stupid about whether prison is “bad” or not, especially for their apple cheeked, puppy-eyed brother who is dealing with mental illness?  Who may or may not be off his meds at any given time?  Ian couldn’t even handle VISITING Mickey in prison, why does he suddenly think he could do a stretch of multiple years if not decades?  All those years stealing cable and watching bootleg DVDs, did none of the Gallaghers ever watch Oz?  In a prior season it was established that Lip has read so much he was able to determine a Louis Vuitton purse was authentic by the stitching and the lettering-he’s never read about prisons and how they affect young men that are in them for a period of time?  “Hardened criminal” is a phrase he’s never come across?  Lip doesn’t realize how hard Ian’s future as a convicted felon will be when he gets out?  Trying to find a job (especially one with medical benefits), a place to live, all that stuff?  This show is shit.

There’s a meaningless shot of Ian at the train station (we don’t even get to know where he was planning to run to-as if we didn’t know-show us he’s at least headed south, you bastards!) and then there’s a scene where Lip comes home in the dark to find Ian at the kitchen table eating ice cream right out of the Edy’s carton.  (They don’t show us the flavor-it looked like it might be chocolate chip?  I didn’t see any chunks of cookie dough or anything.  Again, this is only important because everything else is so boring that actually knowing what kind of ice cream Ian likes would be interesting in comparison.)  

I guess the ice cream is sort of a metaphor?  Ian’s last sweet taste of freedom?  Or maybe I’m reading too much into it and they just came up with something for the brothers to share and it couldn’t be beer-because of Lip, not because of Ian’s meds because god knows they never cared about that, plus we STILL don’t know if he’s just magically back on them-if he is, how is he paying for them?  Anyway, after Lip’s earlier attitude about Ian being an “adult” and not caring all that much about him ever, he doesn’t deserve ice cream!  Here’s a snippet of their dialogue: 

Lip: So you didn’t run. Ian: Oh no-I ran.  I just...ran back.  (well, at least that’s in character since he ran away to the army and came back, and ran away with Monica and came back, and the fucking Mexican border, but I’m not happy about that fact)

They start listing the things Ian will miss if he’s gone for the next ten years.  Debbie may be married to a woman (I would think her being divorced is more likely, but whatever, I won’t be around to watch it either, I’m gone as soon as Ian’s back with Mickey), Carl will be a war criminal, Liam will be the father of a ten year old, Frank, dead.  Ian asks Lip, “You?”  “Still in AA, if I haven’t drunk myself to death.”  Ian says, “Do me a favor?  Don’t.”  IAN CARES MORE ABOUT LIP THAN LIP CARES ABOUT IAN.  Always has, always will.  “Lip deserves to get out of the ghetto.”  But Lip’s fine with Ian going off to prison because of the whole Gay Jesus thing that he never even began to try to understand or help Ian find a way out of.  This show is shit.

Next there’s a scene of Ian in a suit, dressed for court and talking to his Bible that’s on his bed (still no pillow-weird).  He’s asking Shim to talk to him one last time, maybe give him a hint what he should do.  His voice is soft and pleading and he’s almost in tears and all I can think is he needs Mickey to talk things out with.  Lip comes to the door and says something like they’re all downstairs, it’s time or whatever.  Ian gives the Bible one last look and seems to do a little wink-did he hear something from Shim?  Would it kill this show to let us in on some things?  This show is shit.

His plea hearing was so factually inaccurate it hurt.  His lawyer doesn’t say anything, and when asked what he pleads Ian launches into his entire defense.  And the judge lets him.  OMGJ.  

Again I’m pretty sure I’m witnessing a retcon when Ian says “A young man was being forced against his will into a van to be taken to a conversion camp.”  Um, as I recall (and I won’t rewatch the episodes to get all the exact details, they were too stupid), a young runaway came to the Church of Gay Jesus and claimed his parents were trying to make him get conversion therapy and they were giving him drugs so he couldn’t get erections because they didn’t like the fact that he was gay, but when Ian talked to the dad he said the kid ran away on his own because he suffered from mental illness, was off his meds, and was living on the street and prostituting himself.  As I recall the dad/parents didn’t say anything about conversion, they just wanted him home.  Maybe the dad sought help from the guys in the van because there was no other way to get the kid home-none of this has been established for the court, if nothing else!  This show is shit.

Ian gives a speech in a voice like wimpy Jeremiah trying to convince everyone Jerome was the bad one and it was just lame.  He claims his family loved him unconditionally-since when?  They only gave him crap about being with Mickey, or ignored him.  And then when he became “like Monica” there were definitely conditions on loving him-mainly that he be on his meds.  Right up to this episode they were all going around saying it’s time to let him go-they didn’t love him enough to want to keep him at the house and try to help him!  

Anyway, he then states in open court he was off his meds and in a manic state when he torched the van.  Then he looks back at Fiona and starts to give a tiny smile right before the credits.  Was he lying to get a lighter sentence and he’s smiling because he got away with it?  Or does he look to her like that because he knows she’ll be proud of him for finally telling the truth even if it disappoints/ruins the GJ movement (that is so implausible as a concept it makes my head ache)?  

By next week the show will be in another writer’s hands and I’ll never get the answer to that question either, I bet.  IF this means the-fucking finally-end to the GJ storyline, I’ll have to be happy enough with that. 

In conclusion let me say that once again the only “great” thing about the episode was ZERO mention of Terror!  

But the rest of the show was shit. 

[korra-the-red-lion]

Unnatural Affairs. Chapter 18: Interview with Jackie Park.

(Ally)

I sat up with a jolt, my breathing hitching in my chest as I oriented myself. I felt like I couldn’t breathe properly, like there was water in my lungs. A pair of strong hands gripped my shoulders. I blinked a few times, trying to focus.

“Take a deep breath, Ally.”

I did as instructed. My breathing slowed down, air filling my lungs. My throat was burning with pain, and it was hard to swallow. Lyn’s face swam into focus as my vision returned. I reached up and touched her face, just to make sure it was real. Her skin felt warm and soft to my touch, grounding me back to reality.

“Hey,” I croaked.

“Hey,” she smiled, putting her hand on top of mine. “Are you okay?”

“I just felt like I was drowning…” I shuddered, the sensation taking over again.

Lyn nodded sympathetically. “Hold on a minute,” she slipped off the bed. She walked over to her bag and pulled out a pharmacy bag. She walked back over, opening a bottle a liquid Ibuprofen. “Here, have some of this. It will help with the swelling.”

I took it and sipped it slowly. I couldn’t remember the last time I took liquid medicine, probably when I was a kid. Also, when did she get this? I looked outside and realized with a shock that it must be some time later in the day. I rubbed my throat, feeling the bruises.

“How long was I out?” I asked. I wish I had my phone and glasses.

“I mean, not sure? It’s nearly 12 now, if that helps,” Lyn frowned. “I didn’t know if you had classes or not, but I figured you needed the sleep. I just went to work and grabbed some meds on the way home, something easy for you to swallow.”

“Thanks,” I smiled. “I appreciate it.”

She smiled at me again before tugging at her ear awkwardly. “Sooo, um, last night…do you remember anything?”

Last night? Of course, I did. I knew what she was talking about specifically, however. I nodded, shifting forward on the bed. Lyn was watching me carefully, nothing showing on her face. Slowly I reached up, cupping her face in my hands. Her eyes were shining brightly, her mouth quirking upwards. Lyn closed the gap between us, kissing me fully.

I melted into the kiss. I felt her smile against my lips as she gently put one her of arms around me. I went to deepen the kiss when I winced from the sudden movement. Lyn pulled away, concern written on her face.

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” she asked, running a finger down my face.

“No, not you,” I tapped my throat lightly, “it just hurts.”

Relief filled her eyes. “Okay. Maybe some ice and heat will help with the swelling. I have to head to my next class in a little bit, but I can help you back to your res first. I also washed your clothes from last night so you could at least wear your stuff.”

I smiled gratefully at her. Not that I minded these clothes she lent me, but they were way too big for me to walk around. Lyn gave me some privacy as I changed back into my clothes. After I was done, I asked if it was possible to see if my stuff turned up, which Lyn was in agreement to check. So, we left her residence, hand in hand. I had a doofy grin on my face as we walked across campus towards the Student Centre. It was such a nice feeling to be holding hands with someone I had been crushing on since the beginning of the school year. I had a feeling Lyn was feeling something similar, based on her genuine smile and bright eyes. Despite all the fear of yesterday, I felt amazing.

Surprisingly, when we got there, my purse was in the Lost & Found. When the guy behind the desk handed it to me, I saw that there was a note tucked into the front pocket. It was written in beautiful cursive that read, “You’re welcome.” I stared at it for several seconds, not recognizing the handwriting. I had a feeling it came from Dahlia. Too bad my glasses were not so lucky. They were broken. At least I had my back up pair back in my dorm. I thanked the guy and we left.

As we approached my res, the events of last night played through my mind. I was trying to understand why Fiona lashed out the way she did. It wasn’t like that last time we spoke. Or even at the start of our conversation. She was mournful last time and started off looking sad. What changed? I furrowed my brow in concentration, trying to figure out where I went wrong. I didn’t even realize that I was inside the building until Lyn asked which room was mine. Concentration broken, I looked around with a blush.

“Oh, oops,” I laughed sheepishly. “I guess I got lost in thought. It’s just this way.”

Lyn followed behind me, looking around curiously. I unlocked my door and was surprised to hear a gasp.

Sarah was staring at us with her jaw hanging open, eyes wide with shock. I felt my face light up as I realized what this looked like. I didn’t come home last night, now here I was, hand in hand with the girl I told Sarah all about.

“Oh. My. God.”

“N-n-no, this isn’t what it looks like,” I stammered, waving my free hand wildly.

Sarah laughed, falling back on her bed holding her stomach. “Damn, Ally, I like, didn’t think you’d go through with it. You get it, girl!”

Maybe I had nearly died last night, but I was pretty sure I was about to die from embarrassment on the spot. I shot Lyn a look for help, but she was silently laughing, her eyes lit up with amusement. The tips of her ears were red, but otherwise I couldn’t tell if she was just as embarrassed as I was.

“Are you two, like, official? Sarah asked, clasping her hands together.

I looked at Lyn again, who thankfully came to the rescue this time. “Yeah, I think so,” she answered with a grin. “As long as Ally is okay with calling it that.”

My face was burning as I nodded, refusing to look at Sarah in the eye. There was nothing I could say to prove my absence last night, so I guess I was just going to have to live with it. Sarah squealed in happiness.

Lyn chuckled. “I gotta head to class. We’ll talk later, okay? Bye, luv.” She kissed the top of my head before letting go of my hand. I stood in the doorway feeling extremely warm and tingly all over. Then cold reality set in as I realized I needed to escape quickly before Sarah teased me without mercy.

I spun on my foot, quickly going to my desk to grab my spares. I took comfort in being able to see properly. Only that comfort was shattered a second later when I saw the look on Sarah’s face. Her jaw hung open, her skin pale. I was confused until I realized that my throat was exposed. I pulled my hood up a little, trying to cover it, but the damage was already done.

“Ally, like, what the hell happened?” Shock wearing off, Sarah sprung to her feet. “Did something happen? Omg, did like, Lyn do something?!”

“No, never!” I cried, holding my hands up to stop her from coming closer. “I uh…it happened because…” I was at a loss for words, not sure what I could say to fix this situation.

Sarah looked so concern for me that it broke my heart. I stood there dumbly, unable to come up with a good excuse for the extreme bruising all over my throat. I sat down on my bed and Sarah sat next to me. I went through so many options in my head, but nothing good was coming up. Sighing deeply, I mentally prepared to tell Sarah. I had to, right? Even though it could destroy my relationship with her, I knew it was the right thing to do.

So, against all better judgement, I opened my mouth to speak the truth.

XXX

I just…I need some time.

Those words rung hallow in my head over and over again. It’s been a week since we’ve last talked, and I find myself falling into a deeper and deeper slump.

I was always worried that this was going to happen, but so far, the people I’ve told here have taken it well. Seeing the look on Sarah’s face just wrecked me. I knew it had been the right thing to do, but that didn’t make me feel any better. I lost too many friends back in middle school because of this ability of mine, and it seems like I lost another.

Although all I wanted to do was lay here in misery, I knew that I had things to do. Today was the day that I got to talk to the victim that started this whole thing: Jackie Park.

Lyn told me that Jackie was willing to talk to me, and it took little convincing. She did warn me that Jackie was still sensitive about the whole situation, so I needed to tread carefully. I appreciated that Lyn set this up for me, it was just the timing that sucked. Sighing, I sat up, raking my hands through my hair. Sarah was thankfully out, so I didn’t have the awkward tension stopping me from getting up.

I slipped my boots on before grabbing my jacket and heading out the door. November was speeding by like a freight train. Or at least, that’s what it felt like. Exams were only less than a month away and then the term was over. I couldn’t believe how quickly the term had been going by. It sometimes felt like it was only yesterday when I stepped foot on campus for the first time. Here I was now, neck deep in a case of a serial killer and so many assignments that I think I might just half ass.

I didn’t really even notice the cold as I wandered across campus. I’ve been feeling pretty numb since Sarah and I stopped talking. It felt a little unfair. I finally got together with the girl I’ve crushed on since the start and now I’ve been unable to enjoy it because of the falling out. It was times like these that made me think of grandma telling me I was cursed. I knew deep down I wasn’t, but it sure felt that way right now.

“…ly? Ally? Helloooo, earth to Ally!”

I was startled out of my thoughts when Michael waved a hand in front of my face. His brow was furrowed in concern as he grabbed my arm to stop me from falling on my butt.

“Hey,” he said. “Everything okay? I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

I shrugged, not really sure how to explain how I felt. Michael stood there, rubbing the back of his head. His eyes lit up when an idea must have struck him. He grinned at me.

“Come on, I know what you need.”

“No, I don’t really need an-” I was cut off by Michael tsking me with a wag of his finger.

“Nope, you don’t get to decide that, Ally,” said Michael, grabbing my hand gently. “You look super down and I’m gonna help you get back up.”

“Michael, I’m okay, really.”

“I seriously don’t believe you. Come on, this way!”

Against my will, I followed Michael. He led me away until we were off campus. Eventually I stopped fighting against him and chose to follow willingly. He led me all the way to a little Asian restaurant. I was confused as to why he brought me here.

“Because, good food always makes things better,” he said wisely.

I was too tired to argue against him right now, so I went along with it. He ordered a noodle dish for himself, and I ordered some sushi. He didn’t say anything for the first little bit, more content to make a swan out of the napkin. I watched with mild interest, wondering why I was even here. I had things to do.

Our food arrived, and Michael thanked the waiter for the two of us. He smiled at me before taking a big slurp of noodles. It was only when he did that I happened to noticed something different about him.

“Michael…are you growing out a moustache?”

Michael grinned at me with a big nod. “Heck yea’ I am. It’s Movember, remember? ‘Course, not sure how well it’s gonna go. It’s only been a week and some and all that’s there is some shadowing.”

“It’s a strange look for you,” I said with a small chuckle.

“I think so too.” Michael paused the conversation for a minute so he could take a few more slurps. I took the time to eat a few of my sushi, which turned out to be pretty tasty. Wait…when was the last time I properly ate something? Suddenly I felt starving.

“So,” Michael leaned back in his chair, “wanna tell me what’s been going on?”

I pointedly didn’t answer for several minute, instead focusing on chewing my food. Eventually I put my chop sticks down with a heavy sigh. “I told Sarah…about me. About how I could see ghosts.” I put my head in my hands miserably. “She took it as well as I figured she would. We haven’t talked in like, a week. I miss her.”

“Aw, Ally, I’m sorry,” said Michael sympathetically. He reached over to rub my shoulder. “How come you told her?”

“She saw the bruises, and there was no good excuse I could come up with to explain where they came from. At first, she thought I was messing with her, but once she saw how serious I was, she realized I was telling the truth,” I sighed. “I mean, I get it. I probably wouldn’t believe it either. It just sucks because we were really good friends and now I’ve gone and ruined it.”

Michael shook his head. “You haven’t ruined anything, Al. Being honest was the right thing to do. It’s on Sarah now to make her decision. But give her time, it can be a lot to take in. Plus, imagine seeing nasty ass bruises on your friend’s neck like that. It probably freaked her out.”

“Maybe…” I was hesitant to say Michael was right. He probably was. He was great at emotional stuff like this. Probably helped that he was better at managing his emotions than I was. But it still hurt. Being rejected was never easy, especially when it came from someone you cared about.

We finished our meals shortly after. Michael refused to let me pay, insisting that since he forced me out here, he could at least pay. We walked back to campus, and I had to admit, I was feeling a little better. Moving around and getting some proper food in my belly had me feeling a little more human than I had been the last few days.

Together we met up with Lyn, who was waiting for me under Dahlia’s tree. She had that far off look in her eyes again, which I was noticing more recently. It’s been happening a lot since she got back from her parents’ place. I looked up at the tree branches, where Dahlia was sitting, staring down at us.

“Hey, Lyn,” said Michael chipperly as I continued to make eye contact with Dahlia.

Lyn blinked before raising her hand in a greeting. “Hey. How’s it going?”

“Pretty good! We actually just had a really delicious lunch. I got the japchae, you know, potato noodles. It was pretty good, I probably would have added more beef though…”

I blocked out Michael’s ramblings, instead focusing on Dahlia’s amused smile. I kind of forgot about since I had some stuff going on, but it came back to me now. She possessed Lyn, but how? I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that the spiritual presence on campus was getting stronger, but I couldn’t confirm it. However, Dahlia was a lot more solid now, as if she was actually here with us. The only thing that really gave it away was her outfit, which looked like a vintage piece.

“How did you do it?” I asked, startling the other two.

“It wasn’t hard, if that’s what you are wondering about,” said Dahlia, mischief glinting in her eyes.

“Ghosts are only able to possess people if they’re on the verge of death, a willing participant, by giving you their true name, or if someone else forces it to happen,” I said, listing my fingers off. “Lyn doesn’t fit any of those categories.” Lyn shifted uneasily beside me.

“Well, let’s just say the circumstances were in my favour.” Dahlia twirled her hair around, shaking her in head. “I still cannot believe you will not say thank you for saving you and retrieving your purse. Goodness, manners have been lost in this time.”

“She’s related to you, isn’t she?”

Dahlia stopped mid motion. Lyn stiffened, looking at me with confusion. Michael frowned. I stood firm, looking up at the ghost sitting in the tree. She carefully masked her emotions, something I’ve seen Lyn do many times.

“Why do you think that, Ally?” Dahlia’s tone was even, not giving anything away.

I crossed my arms, puffing my cheeks out. “I’m not stupid. She mentioned last time we were here that her dad was a Cressman. I couldn’t tell at first, because your image was so fuzzy, but now that you’re getting more visible, I can see it. The ears, the splash of freckles. You could possess her because there was a familial connection, but it doesn’t explain it entirely. There had to be something else, something that let you take control of her body.”

“Ally, what are you talking about?” Lyn asked me, tugging at my arm nervously.

“The possession, from the night in the locker room,” I answered, covering her hand with mine. “Dahlia is going to give me answers.”

Dahlia chuckled humorously. “You’ve gotten so bold recently, I like it. It suits you. Alright, yes. I had an inkling that she was related to George somehow, but I wasn’t certain. She confirmed it for me when she mentioned…well, her father. When she got tossed against the wall, she briefly lost consciousness, so I slipped in to help. Like I said, it was quite exhausting. I won’t be doing that willy nilly, darling.”

I quickly relayed the entire conversation to Michael and Lyn, the former looking thoughtful while the latter looked mostly confused. I could understand Lyn’s confusion, but Michael’s reaction was interesting. I raised my brows in question.

“Well, not that what she did was a great thing,” said Michael, rubbing his chin, “but it was helpful. I mean, she saved us from getting killed. As long as it doesn’t become a habit, I’d say everything is cool now.”

Lyn frowned at him. “It wasn’t your body she took over, dork. Even if I don’t really remember it, it’s totally a violation of my person. I didn’t consent to it, you know.” She crossed her arms irritability and glared at the tree.

“You know what? Good point, I didn’t think about it that way. I’m sorry.” He stood beside her and glared at the tree also, but at least he was looking more in Dahlia’s direction than Lyn was.

A few students walked by, looking confused at their behaviour and started to whisper under their breath. I wanted to glare at them for being rude, but I found myself staring at the ground, with cheek burning with shame. It was familiar feeling when people looked at me that way.

Dahlia rolled her eyes, waving her hand dramatically. The wind around the tree turned bitterly cold, causing the other two to step back. “I get the point. I promise that I’ll ask permission next time. Do you people never have anything better to do aside from bothering me? Don’t you have an interview of some sort to get it?”

I looked up from my feet, the blush fading away. “How do you always know what’s going on? It’s kinda freaky.”

“Not as freaky as talking to a dead person, Ally,” Dahlia fired back with a vicious smile.

She had me there. I settled for a displeased frown before walking away from the tree. Dahlia’s laughter followed me as we walked down the path leading to the meal hall. I pulled off my hat before smoothing my hair out. I just wanted to feel a little calmer before talking to Jackie. I needed the focus, to make sure I wasn’t missing anything.

The smell of stale fries and wet burgers hit my nose as we walked downstairs to where the tables were located. Yeah, I was really getting sick of the food here. It’s been even worse since I went home for the holiday weekend. Good thing I still had some of those meals mom made me in my freezer.

Jackie was sitting at a table with a few of her friends. She waved to Lyn when she saw her, who waved back. Jackie said something to her friends before getting up from the table and walking over to us. She had dark brown eyes that were full of life that sat above a broad nose with a little stud in the left nostril. Her raven-coloured hair was pulled back into a French braid, showing that she had hair growing back from an undercut. She gave Lyn a toothy smile, revealing a gap between her two front teeth.

“Is this her? The first year?” she asked teasingly.

Lyn’s ears turned red as she nodded, a grin taking place on her own face. “Yeah. I told you she was pretty cute, didn’t I?”

Jackie’s eyes gave me a playful once over before shrugging at Lyn. “I mean, I gueeeessss so. I still think Gabe is cuter though.”

“You literally can’t compare the two,” scoffed Lyn. “Besides, Gabe looks like he crawled out of a dump truck. And that’s on a good day.”

“That’s so rude!” Jackie laughed, giving Lyn a playful punch. She pulled out her phone and showed us a picture of a guy I recognized from some of our classes. I shrugged my indifference while Michael mumbled, “I guess he’s cute enough. I think you’re cuter though.”

Jackie pouted as she pocketed her phone. “You guys are totally teaming against me. This isn’t fair.”

“Life ain’t fair, Jackles,” Lyn said with a laugh. “Maybe next time get Loryn here, and you’ll have someone in your corner. Today, victory goes to me!”

“Whatever,” Jackie said, rolling her eyes, but she still had a good-natured smile on her face. “So, did you wanna talk here, or somewhere else?” she asked me, her voice lifting in question.

“Oh, wherever you feel comfortable, I’m not picky,” I said.

Jackie shrugged and motioned for us to follow her. We ended up going back upstairs and heading back outdoors. She led us all the way to Student Centre, where we sat at the café. Man, I never noticed how many places you could get a coffee from on campus until know. Was it for our benefit or the professors? Jackie ordered herself a vanilla latte, while Michael got himself a black coffee. Lyn ordered a hot chocolate for me and a decaf tea for herself. Once we all had our drinks, we sat down at a free table.

Jackie took the lid off her cup and gently blew at it. I didn’t want to rush her, so I waited until she looked comfortable to talk. I couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under her eyes. They looked like the ones Lyn had been sporting. I was familiar with them myself.

“I guess you want to hear about the locker room thing, huh?” Jackie looked up from her drink, her eyes knowing.

“How’d you know?”

“People talk,” she said simply. She took a small sip before making a face. “It’s still too hot, ugh.”

I shifted in my seat, adjusting my position so I was less in her space. “If you’re okay to talk about it, I’d like to hear about what happened.”

Jackie stared off for a minute, her face thoughtful. Finally, she nodded slowly, looking back at me. “Yeah, I suppose I can tell you about it. Lucky for you that I like Lyn,” she said, giving her a warm smile, “otherwise I probably would have said no. But whatever you’re doing, I trust her.”

“Just take your time, Jackie,” said Lyn calmly. “If you get too upset, we’ll stop.” I nodded my confirmation.

“Okay.” She took another slow sip, her free hand tapping anxiously against the tabletop. Once she put her cup down, she locked her hands together, squeezing them tightly. “Okay, right. It was at practice, just after our swim meet. We were starting a new set when I had to change my tampon, you know how it is. I went into the locker room, when I noticed it was really cold? Like, really unnaturally cold. I didn’t think too much about it, cuz the heating system is always shit. Right?” She turned to Lyn for validation.

Lyn nodded, taking a sip from her own drink.

Jackie nodded too, working her jaw anxiously. “Yeah, okay. Um…where was I? Oh! Right, I went into the little area where our door is. The handle was ice cold, which was really freaking me out, but I really needed a damned tampon, so I put in the password and opened the door. There was nothing strange going on inside, so I didn’t think much about it after that. I opened my locker when the door slammed shut, and the lights blew out over head. When the locker doors all flew open, I wanted to scream for help, but it was like there was something holding my throat close. Um…” she paused, her discomfort evident. She took another sip, her hand slightly shaking.

“You can stop if you want,” I offered. “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.” My throat tingled, suggesting otherwise. The bruises were fading but were still visible, unless covered by make-up or a scarf.

“No, it’s fine…” Jackie’s voice got really quiet as she looked around. Satisfied with her search, she hunched her shoulders protectively. “There was a man. Well, I thought it was a man. But the next thing I knew, it looked like he was transforming in something… I-” she choked back a sob, her face determined to go on. “I tried to get away, but it was like he was taking up the whole room. He- it attacked me. Next thing I knew, Lyn was in there, stopping the bleeding. Then I woke up in the hospital, full of stiches.”

There were silent tears trailing down her face. Lyn reached over, squeezing Jackie’s hand in comfort. Her own face was pale, the look in her eye suggesting that she was remembering the day as well. Michael sat next to me, his hand curled tightly, his knuckles popping out. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply through my nose. The man turning into a monster…that was just like Amelia’s attack. It had to be the same person.

“Thank you,” I said quietly, opening my eyes.

Jackie nodded, wiping her eyes with her sleeves. “I-I don’t know what you’re doing with this information, but I hope it works out for you.” She sniffed, wiping her eyes again.

I really hope so too.

XXX

I stared at my notes all laid out before me. I could see the puzzle was nearly completed, but there were still some pieces missing. The killer. Who was the killer? This was probably the most important piece that was not yet in. The other one was why? Why kill all these people? The method of how varied. There was something else that was causing me stress. The years of murder.

1995. 2007. 2015. Those were the ones we knew. There was also the death in the ‘60s that Lyn had mentioned previously but I haven’t looked into yet. I needed to, that was one of the few things left on my list. The other was to look into Professor Kinkly. The last name wasn’t a common one, not that I was aware of anyway. So, most likely, the Jeremiah Kinkly was related to our professor.

I pressed my palms into my eyes, trying to relieve some of the pressure I could feel building up behind them. I felt like I was so close to figuring this all out, but the final pieces were just dangling out of my reach.

God, and I have been so distracted by literally everything else, I let all my schoolwork pile out into an insane amount. I really just wanted this semester and mystery to both be over so I could have some alone time to myself again. Maybe go on an actual date with Lyn. That would be so lovely.

Instead, I was here, obsessing over something I shouldn’t even care about. I know it felt like I had a duty to fulfil with this, because I was the only one who could do this, but it was mentally exhausting me to the brink of collapse. It felt like each time I got around a roadblock, a new one was put in its place, just to slow me down more.

I pulled over my laptop with a sigh, deciding I needed to focus on some of my assignments. I had another stupid Anthropology assignment to do. But as soon as I opened it, I felt a pang of sadness in my heart, remembering my conversations with Sarah about it. Shaking my head, I instead decided to work on my Psych schoolwork. I had to make some sort of Venn diagram and place the theories in it or something, I wasn’t really sure.

I’m not sure how long I had been working on it, but my eyelids were getting heavy. I could feel my body starting to get that heavy feeling it got when it started to shut down for sleep. I probably should pack up and head back to my dorm, so I could awkwardly try and sleep in the same room as someone who is not currently speaking to me. That sounds so nice, I definitely want to do that. Oh wait, no I don’t!

My dreamlike mind state was weird. It usually was. I saw Jamieson falling to his death, and when I reached out to grab him, his hand just phased right through mine. But just as he hits the ground, I heard the sound of blood splattering. I turned to see Amelia falling to the ground, sobbing as the life left her eyes, reaching for me to help her. I tried to get to her, but I found myself knee deep in water. I looked around frantically, only to see a large shadow looming over me as it pushed me under the water. I slapped my hands against the arms holding me down, but it was no use. I could feel myself blacking out, but not before looking over and seeing the lifeless eyes of Fredrik staring at me, his face frozen in fear. I tried to scream, but nothing came out because my oxygen was cut off.

“You can’t win, just give up.”

I sat up in a panic, nearly knocking my chair over in the process. My chest was heaving as if I was back in the locker room, trying to catch my breath again. My whole body was trembling as sweat dripped down my face. I pushed back sweaty hair from my face, ignoring the pounding in my head. My throat was pounding in tangent with my heartbeat, and it was a very uncomfortable feeling. Slowly, my focus returned, and I could feel the hardwood of the table beneath my palms. I took another deep and slow breath, feeling the air fill my lungs up. I held it for a few seconds before releasing it. My heartbeat was slowing down, the trembling subsiding.

“Are you okay, Ally?”

I looked over my shoulder to see Mags standing there, their bag slung over their shoulder. Sometime this week they must have dyed their hair, because it was a shade of vibrant blue that it wasn’t before. They were watching me with concern.

I nodded slowly, turning back in my seat. I rested my head in my hands and muttered, “Just tired.”

Mags walked over and glanced at all the notes spewed across the table with curiosity. Shit, I didn’t want them to think I was crazy. I reached over and started putting them back into piles, working methodically.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Mags asked, leaning against the table. “You look exhausted.”

I closed my eyes to stop myself from crying in front of them. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just feeling a little stressed.” My voice cracked just at the end there, but otherwise I thought the delivery had been pretty even.

Mags raised an eyebrow before sighing. They helped gathered the rest of my notes without looking at them and handed them back to me. Once everything was back in its proper folder and in my bag, I felt a little lighter. I clutched my bag to my chest tightly.

“Thank you,” I said quietly, closing my eyes again.

“Anytime.” A pause, then, “I really think you should head back to your dorm, Ally.”

I ducked my head into my chest and nodded. When I made no effort to move, Mags tapped my shoulder. I steadied myself before looking up at them, trying hard to keep my true feelings locked beneath the surface.

“Is there someone you can call?” they asked, worry etching into their face.

“Um…yeah,” I whispered. I felt too raw right now for this. I wanted to be under my covers, tucked away safely from my feelings.

“Okay. Can I call them for you, or do you want to do it?”

I considered my options here. Do I call my mom because I just really needed to talk to her right now, or do I call Lyn because I really needed the physical comfort? Apparently, it was too much for my brain because my eyes watered up and I buried myself back into my bag.

I heard Mags shuffling beside me as they slipped my phone off the table. I couldn’t really make out who they were calling for me. Maybe Michael? Mags at least knew him. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling now. My bag was getting soaked and I felt disgusting. Mags put an arm around me, and I began to sob harder. I don’t know was had taken over me, but it felt like a dam had just broken open.

After several minutes of sobbing later, I found that there was nothing left in me to cry. I just felt numb. Mags hadn’t really said much, but I was grateful for that. I think I just needed to cry. Their presence alone was calming enough for me. I sat there in the chair, unmoving. Suddenly, Mags pulled their arm off, and I instantly felt like crying again. Were they going to abandon me too? Like Sarah had?

No, that wasn’t what was happening. A familiar pair of hands slowly reached for me, as not to startle me. I recognized the short, chipped nails and the small scar on the thumb. My brain was hyperaware that someone was speaking, but it couldn’t make out the words. I blinked and looked over. Lyn was crouched beside me, her expression calm. She gave me a small smile when we made eye contact.

“There you are,” she said softly. “Your friend called me. You looked pretty wiped out, you know. Is it okay if I touch your hand?”

I nodded slowly.

Lyn slowly pressed her hand against mine. It was warm and firm. I stared at it for a few seconds before I turned mine over, so I could curl my fingers against her hand.

“Is she alright?” Mags asked, the concern heavy in their tone.

Before Lyn could say anything, I took a shuddering breath and nodded at Mags. “I-I-I’m just f-f-feeling overwhelmed. Th-thank you for st-staying with m-me.”

Mags looked unsure but nodded all the same. “Just let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“She will,” said Lyn. She smiled at Mags. “Thanks for helping out. I think I’m okay from here. I’ll uh…I’ll send a text from Ally’s phone once she’s feeling better. That way you don’t have to worry.”

A small amount of relief flashed in Mags’ eyes as they nodded again. “Alright then, thanks.” They looked at me with a quick smile and said, “I hope you feel better, Ally.”

I attempted to smile back, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t come out that way. I watched Mags head for the door before tucking my head back into my back. Lyn hummed in my ear, her free hand lightly touching my face.

“What’s going on, Ally? Can you tell me right now?”

I shook my head, forcing myself to turn it just enough to look at her again.

“Okay, that’s fine. I think we should go somewhere else though. Maybe somewhere more comfortable?”

I thought about that for a minute before nodding. She smiled at me and helped me get to my feet. She took my bag gently from my grip and threw it over her own shoulder as if it didn’t weigh 15 pounds. I held on to her shirt for a few minutes unmoving. The ground didn’t feel steady under my feet. She kept her hand in mine, while moving the other to under my shoulder, to help keep my stable.

“Do you want to go back to your room?” asked Lyn.

I shook my head viciously, thinking of Sarah. I felt nauseous all of sudden, my vision getting blurry again.

“Okay, we don’t have to. Um…do you have any medication you need to take? Anything that can help you?”

I nodded. “My emergency meds…they’re in my purse.”

Lyn’s eyes flickered to the purse that was on the table. “Okay. Is there somewhere you can stay that’s safe so you can take them?”

“I don’t know,” I closed my eyes, the overwhelming feeling returning. “I-I can’t go back, Lyn. She h-hates me now.”

“I don’t think she does,” said Lyn soothingly. She ran her fingers through my hair, gently combing it. “Tomorrow is Saturday. You can stay in my room again if you want?”

Relief flooded my system. I nodded as I pressed into her, taking comfort in her warmth. After several minutes, Lyn gently nudged me to get me walking. It was slow going, but somehow, I managed to get my legs moving. We walked all the way back to her campus, where she pressed her key card against the scanner once we got to Lukas.

She said something to the RA, who questioned why she was bringing back a student who didn’t live here. I faded in and out of the conversation, not able to keep my focus. Once Lyn successfully argued her case, she led me to her room.

I was too numb to feel embarrassed when I saw her roommate sitting on her phone in bed. She sat up a little when she saw me, giving Lyn a strange look. Lyn quickly explained that I just needed a place to stay because I was having an anxiety attack. When asked why I couldn’t go back to my own room, Lyn said something along the lines of, “Remember Stephanie” which caused her roommate to nod solemnly.

Lyn handed me the same t-shirt I wore last time I was here, and the same pair of pants. I stood there, unsure of what to do next. I wanted to change into them, but there were too many people in the room, and I didn’t know where the bathroom was. I felt the tears returning, feeling utterly ridiculous.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Lyn handed me a tissue, and I wiped my face. “We’ll step out for a minute, okay? Take your time.”

The two of them left, leaving me alone. I sat down and stared at the shirt for a minute, wondering who the band was. I think it was a band. Blinking away the tears, I pulled off my stuff and put on the too big clothes. I laid down in the bed too, staring up at the ceiling. I wondered how pathetic I looked right now. I pressed my hands into my eyes again. I just wanted to stop feeling so icky.

The door opened and I heard them come back into the room. Suddenly there was a pressure placed on the bed and Lyn’s hand was on top of my own. I held my breath for a second, to see if she would go away, but she didn’t, I slowly removed them from my eyes. She was watching me with the same calm from earlier. The only crack I could see in her mask was in her eyes, which shined with…something. I couldn’t tell right now.

“Do you want your meds?”

I nodded numbly. She opened the bottle and took one blue pill out, putting it in my hands. I stared at it, wondering how I was supposed to take it. My brain just didn’t want to cooperate with me today. Finally, it clicked that I was supposed to put it under my tongue. I slipped it in and held it in place until it dissolved.

“Can y-you call my m-m-om for me?” I asked. I scooted over until I was right up against the wall. “Just tell her I had a really b-b-bad attack and that I’ll call her in the m-morning.”

“Yeah, sure,” Lyn pulled the blankets up so they were covering me. I squeezed them tightly, wanting to hold on to something. Maybe she wouldn’t mind if I took her pillow.

As she hit call to let my mom know what was going on, she reached under her bed and pulled out a box. Lyn opened it and pulled out a stuffed frog, handing it to me. I reached for it sluggishly, slightly confused at the toy.

“His name is Pickles,” she explained gently. “Sometimes when I’m feeling like crap, I like to hold on to him. He got me through a lot of shit growing up. I’m pretty sure you could use him tonight.”

The explanation was as good as any. I hugged him to my chest as my eyelids started feeling heavy. I could hear Lyn talking to my mom on the phone, but it was hard to focus on what they were saying. I closed my eyes fully, allowing my brain to finally shut off for the night.

[getinthefuckingcar]

Sorry I’m Late

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or any dialogue from the show that is used in this fanfiction. Also, I'm not sure, but they might end up being a little OOC.

I'm not American so I don't know how most of this shit works, so I'm really sorry if legal stuff is messed up.

Honestly, I just need this (or something like this) to happen in season 8.

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He sniffed hard, pressing his palms to his eyes. He didn't wanna leave Mickey anymore. He just wanted him.

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Ian hated this. Hated how he had left and came back and let Trevor come to Monica's funeral like he wanted to be with him. Hated how Fiona told him she was proud of him. For what? Not going and living with Mickey and being happy? Hated how he didn't defend Mickey when she talked about him, told Debbie and Carl he was never good for him. Hated how Debbie had looked at him, tears in her eyes, when he said nothing to defend him. Hated how he did the same thing when Carl yelled at Fiona, saying Mickey had been better for Ian then she had ever been, before storming up the stairs. Hated his sister, and his mom for giving him these fucked up genes that made Fiona think he wasn't capable of making his own decisions. Hated Sammi for fucking everything up. Hated the fucked up situation. But mostly? He hated himself.

He's never felt this alone before. Not when he was a kid and Monica left him alone on a street corner. Not when he left to the army, and nobody looked for him for months. Not when he couldn't get out of bed, even as he heard Mickey next to him in the bed, shaking breaths revealing that he was trying not to cry. Not even when he slept alone in the psych ward, after months of sleeping next to Mickey. He could only fucking imagine how Mickey felt.

He hoped Mickey was doing better than him. Hoped he was happy. He knew he wasn't.

He talked to Sue. Asked about a way he could get his job transferred. She didn't ask why. He got a prescription from his doctor so he could get a refill of his meds next month when he needed them. He got a passport, and and finalized all the legal shit so he could live and work in Mexico. He packed his shit, bought a plane ticket and called Mandy. She knew where Mickey was.

"Fuck, Mands, you gotta tell me where he is." He sighed, she wasn't going to give the address up easy.

"I don't know what happened, he gave me the address, that's it, but I do know that you were supposed to be with him when he called me. You weren't. Why should I let you be now?" She loved Ian, she really fucking did, but she wasn't letting him break Mickey again.

"I fucked up so bad. Everything I've done since he brought me home has been so fucked up and I never got to apologize. I got a passport and a job transfer, did all the shit so this would be legal. As legal as living with a fugitive could be. I just wanna make it right, and if he wants me to leave, I will."

She gave him the address. He felt a little less alone.

He told Debbie and Carl what he was doing, and he doesn't think he'd seen them that happy in a long time. He told Lip, and Lip looked a little less fucked up than he had since that bitch of a professor fucked with him. Fiona yelled, and told him he could do better, he needed better. He told her he couldn't. She told him not to come back when Mickey got sick of him, and he told her if he came to visit, she wouldn't see him.

"Mickey Mouse?" Liam had asked, giggling. That kid fucking loved Mickey, and Ian still can't believe he let his little brother call him that.

He kissed Liam and Franny on the head, hugged Debbie and Carl, hugged Lip for even longer, and flipped Fiona off. He thinks she might have cried as he walked out the door, but he didn't give a shit.

His knee didn't stop shaking the entire plane ride. The girl next to him, who couldn't have been any older than Debbie, asked if he was scared of flying. He said he was. She didn't talk much more for the rest of the flight, but she did offer to let him watch Harry Potter with her on her laptop. He did.

He got his shit from the airport and got a taxi once he left. He didn't have work for a week. He got a hotel room and got a different taxi in the morning. He gave the driver the address and sat back in his seat. He thought about how the fuck he was gonna get Mickey to take his ass back. He knew he'd fucked shit up so many times; leaving, and leaving, and leaving. He'd took Mickey's kid, cheated on him, fucking hit him, but he still took him back, still told him he loved him. What did he do in return? Leave. Crush Mickey after he told him he loved him, practically said fucking wedding vows. He let Sammi chase him with a fucking gun, let him go to jail, didn't try to help, and Mickey still came back, still loved him, told him he had his back more than anyone did. Then he fucking left again.

He sniffed hard, pressing his palms to his eyes. He didn't wanna leave Mickey anymore. He just wanted him.

When the taxi pulled up outside of Mickey's apartment building Ian felt the tears burning in his eyes again. The driver said something in Spanish, but he paid the amount shown on the meter before getting out of the car. He couldn't fucking breathe, but apparently that wasn't gonna stop shit. He didn't wait for the elevator, just ran up the stairs, lungs burning (he should really quit smoking again) and legs aching. He stopped on the 8th floor, heading down they hallway to find the right apartment number.

He still couldn't breathe, his heart was in his fucking throat, and his hands wouldn't stop shaking. Mickey. He knocked on the door, but only heard a muffled fuck off. He wanted to laugh because of course that's still how Mickey rejects company, but he wanted to cry because he was right fucking there.

He didn't bother knocking again, slowly opening the door.

"What the fuck don't you understand about fuck off?" Ian thinks he might be drunk. He stands from where he was sitting and Ian sees the bottle of tequila in his hand. He's drunk.

Mickey turns to face the door, freezing when he sees who's standing there.

"Hey. Sorry I'm late." Ian said, his voice shaking, no where near as steady as Mickey's had been when he said those exact words to Ian over two years ago. Mickey's breath hitched, caught in his throat, and tears burned in his eyes. He didn't blink them away or squeeze his eyes shut, scared that if he closed them for anything, Ian would be gone when they opened.

He walked a few steps into the apartment, shutting the door behind him, before he reached out towards Mickey. Mickey didn't flinch back, didn't fucking move at all, really. Not until Ian's hand was against his face, thumb swiping over his cheekbone, wiping away the tears that had fallen without Mickey knowing. Then suddenly Mickey's arms were around Ian and his head was in the crook of his neck, choked sobs leaving his mouth.

"Fuck, Mick. It's okay. I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry. I love you, I really fucking love you. Like I'm in love with you. And I'm sorry and I'm here and I'm not leaving ever again. Never again." His neck is wet, but, then again, so is his face. His arms are around Mickey, one gripping his hair, and the other around his back, holding on just as tight as Mickey was.

He pressed his face into Mickey's shoulder, it quickly becoming just as wet as his own neck is.

"Shit, Ian." Mickey mumbled into his neck, releasing a shaky breath. "Are you really here? Not fucking leaving?"

"Never fucking leaving." He pulled back from the hug, resting his forehead against Mickey's, "I love you."

"I love you too." Ian kisses him, and it's slow and gentle and he wants Mickey to know how much he loves him, and how much he missed this. Missed him. Mickey kisses him back, kisses back harder, needing it to be different then the last time he kissed Ian. But Ian's hands are in his hair, moving towards his face, thumb swiping over his ear like it always has, pressing into the skin of his cheek, and Mickey's hands are there too, resting on Ian's neck.

They both pulled back, foreheads together, noses bumping softly and then Mickey is smiling and so is Ian.

"Why'd you change your mind?"

"I couldn't fucking do it. I should have come with you, should have never left, let you get arrested, should have been there. Kept you safe. But I wasn't and I'm so fucking sorry, and I'm here now and-" He ranted on, losing control of his words and spiraling into a thousand more apologies.

"Hey, shut the fuck up. It's all good. Just don't leave again." Ian nodded, hands pressing into Mickey's neck.

"I got a job transfer, and a passport, all the legal shit so I can stay here and work," he says, looking away nervously. "I mean, if you want me to stay here because if you want me to go, I'll go."

Mickey kissed him again, effectively shutting him up. "No, I don't want you to go." He put a hand on Ian's cheek, turning his head to look him in the eyes. "I know you fucked up, but I did too. We both majorly fucked up so many times, but if you're here now and you're not leaving then we'll figure everything out. Now help me sober the fuck up and we can go get your shit from wherever you have it, okay?"

Ian nodded, "Want coffee or some shit?" Mickey nodded and Ian let him lead him into his kitchen. Mickey grabbed a glass and filled it with water, drinking it quickly. Once Ian had made the coffee and Mickey had some, they agreed that they both needed a shower and Mickey shows him where the bathroom was. They saved hot water, and so what if he gave Mickey a blowjob as they did? It wasn't hurting anyone.

They eventually got dressed an went to get Ian's shit from the hotel. When they were back at Mickey's house, laying in his bed, their bed, arms wrapped around each other and legs tangled together, Mickey's face n the crook of his neck, he hears him say, "We do need to properly talk about this. We never really talked through our shit, but if you're staying we have to start. Okay?"

"Yeah, Mick, we'll talk. We'll fix it, right?"

"We always do, Ian,"

Ian pressed his face into Mickey's hair. He didn't need anything else, he had Mickey.

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Thanks for reading, comment prompts, if you want!