#'I happened to stumble upon an alt account that triggered me-'

[catcatb0y]

"This post makes a great blocklist" has done awful things to my psyche. Why do I keep wasting what builds up to hours of my time reading all of this dumb shit just to block people?? It's block and move on, not black and move and block and move and block and move and-

[solacekames]

This account sounds very credible to me. A few observations:

This guy hasn’t atoned for his actions, and probably never will due to his privilege as a white guy to just fade away from activism, but he’s at least acknowledged his lack of morality with some degree of honesty.

Once you leave a far right organization, your greatest danger is not leftists or antifa, who don’t care about you anymore, it’s your own ex-buddies coming to stab you. That’s why he’s kept the dirt on them, obviously. Smart move.

A lot of alt righters in the comments are claiming this is fake because he calls their movement “white supremacy,” which is a term they dislike because it makes them seem older, like Boomers instead of the millenials and Gen Z that they are. But "white supremacy” is still the mainstream word for it, and once people leave their cults and abandon the jargon, they’re going to start using the mainstream words again.

Here it is. Warning for misogyny, racism, anti-semitism, suicide and general Nazism.

So I actually intended to post this to a confession sub, but it seems it automatically triggers the spam filters. I typed up my full "story" here. As far as proof goes, I don't really have much to offer as I've burned most of my materials, but I do have this video from the night before the rally that might help set the stage of what I was involved in.

https://streamable.com/3lrrw

So this is so something I've had mulling in my head for some time now and I just really wanted to get my thoughts out there. I feel like it would be healthier. Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I am a former white supremacist who helped organize the Charlotessville rally. My actions have destroyed the lives of countless people and lead to the death of a young woman.

I suppose I should start from the beginning so there is a little better context about my involvement. My beginnings as a white supremacist began a few years back when I first stumbled upon a podcast called “The Daily Shoah”. For those who don't know, this is probobly the largest alt-right podcast out there, run by Mike Penovich and Jesse Dunstan (better known as Mike Enoch and Seventh Son) of “therightstuff.biz”. At first, I didn't even take what was being said to heart. It was mostly just dark entertainment, but after having their words filling my ears for hours at a time every week, I began to actually take what they were saying to heart. I think when a lot of people imagine what turns people into white supremacist, they think of a middle aged bike gang member bruning crosses, but I was just a young college student who thought the N word was funny. It took a few weeks, but I soon internalized their arguments. The problem with having multiple podcasts drowning out the outside world is essentially you get hours and hours of pure confirmation bias filling your head with nobody to talk about these things with. Knowing your life would be over if you discussed these things with your real friends and families, you quickly just st art ignoring them in favor of other white supremacists. Most of the other people who I began consorting with were not at all the sterotype I mentioned before. Like me, they were mostly just well spoken young guys looking for others to talk about these things with. Of course “these things” were ethno-nationalism, gas chambers, and holocaust memes.

At the time, the alt-right was not really known to anyone, and their antics mostly just stayed to trolling the comment sections of National Review. I quickly gained a foothold in that community. About a year in or so, they began what they would call “Standard Pool Parties” and I became an organizer for my area. My group of fellow white supremacists grew and my sphere of outsider friends shrank. We had begun to look like a real community.

Around the end of 2016, the even that really sprung our clique into the mainstream occurred, and I was in attendance. This was the “NPI” conference in DC run by Richard Spencer, and we were celebrating the recent election (short note: I don't want to bring politics into this if possible, its just important for the context here). Multiple news outlets were in attendance filming, and near the time Richard was set to give his speech, the liquor was flowing and the attitude was festive. Before the speech, Mike Enoch got up in front of the crowed and began leading chants of various kinds, the kind of chants that would get a 1940s German soldier giddy. By the time Richard gave his “Hail Trump and Hail Victory” line, the crowd didn't stand a chance. They were all too ready to throw up Nazi salutes, and the cameras were all too happy to capture them.

A short aside on Richard: I had worked with him a few times and only one word can begin to describe him: sociopath. He seemed to take joy in leading around particularly young men and building up his little cabal. He would say anything for a camera to be shoved in his face and used his status among of the alt right to sleep with the few women it had. He never showed any remorse for the kids that would be doxxed and become unemployable, in fact he encouraged it on multiple occasions. I was one of those people who he encouraged to self-doxx, and I myself help multiple kids ruin their lives. More on that later.

So now I can start telling the story of Charlotessville. A few months before the “Unite the Right” rally most of you know about, there was a more private rally held at Charlotessville. This event was organized by a particularly vile individual who goes by “Eli Mosley”, someone who would brag about killing children in the military among many of disgraceful actions. Those aren't the worse of his sins, but out of respect for his largest victim I'll leave that out. Of course, this is someone I looked up to. This particular Charlotessville event was relatively uneventful, which is why you never heard about it. However, these was a particular Daily Caller journalist in the audience named “Jason Kessler”, a Charlotessville native. In the weeks following the event, he announced he was going to lead a larger event, and event that would be known as “Unite the Right”. He did this unilaterally, and in fact Eli himself detested the fact that this event was going to happen at all, but it proceeded. I was one of those excited to put this rally on, and as such took up an organizing role.

It was the months leading up to the event that multiple red flags began to go off. The number one issue that was likely responsible for the death of Heather Heyer was the approach to security. Everyone, and I mean everyone, was looking forward to a fight with antifa and would use any and all justifications for the use of weapons and armor at the event. The police had promised us proper protections, but the head of security (who went by “Ajax”) insisted we build our own shield wall. It was my bright idea to literally use a Roman Phylanx formation to surround the event, like the Larpers we were. This is where a lot of disagreement amoung different cliques and organizations came about. There were three main groups in attendance: American Vanguard, Identity Evropa, and Traditionalist Workers Party. I won't say who I was affiliated with.

American Vanguard was preparing for war. They wanted to burn a large jewish ephagy, as well as a pride flag. They also were planning fights and battle stratageys on their own before the event. James Fields was with American Vanguard the entire event, but they deny that he was a member. They were the ones responsible for the “Blood and Soil” chants most of you had heard. Here is a picture of them before the rally

https://i.imgur.com/77VHOOe.png

Identity Evropa could be said to be the more moderate of the bunch. In fact, before the event, Nathan Damigo (their leader) had told individual members NOT to bring any shields, helmets, or weapons. He was promptly called a cuck and eventually undid the descision. Traditionalist Workers party could be said to worst of the bunch, because they were the ones that invited the “National Socialist Movement”, a group of straight up skinheads. Before, the event was only going to be 500 or so. With NSM invited, it swelled to well over a thousand.

With all of these problems evident, we continued with the event. By this time, I had a fairly large personal circle of associates who I had went with. The torchlight march is where things went bad. There was one guy who had caused trouble at previous events who made the decision to jump at protesters and start a fight. The following day, he did the same thing, and was likely responsible for the event being shut down. I don't know if I need to spend more time recounting the events that occurred, before you all know the rest. A riot ensued, and a young girl died. I watched her pictures played on the news as she was declared dead, and you know what? I felt no remorse. Nobody did. The “higher ups” as they were called, basically sent out a memo saying she was a “dumb cunt who got what she deserved”.

Why did this feel normal for me? Well it all comes back to how I came to become a white supremacist. By the time this event occurred, I associated with essentially nobody outside the alt right. When this woman died, we all just saw it as a “aww shucks” moment. In fact, Richard created a press conference where he tried to put together as much evidence as he could to show it was in self defense.

So why did I leave? In fact, it had little to do with Heather Heyer, but rather what I realized I had begun to do. The kind of encapsulation I had woven myself and others into was destroying out lives and we didn't even know it. I brought at least 7 people along with me whom I had personal gotten into radicalism. Kids as young as 17. We saw no problem with showing their faces out in the open because we assured ourselves that the alt-right was “going big”. I told these kids that Charlotessville would make history, and if their picture was taken and they were made unemployable, they could just be taken care of and before alt-right figures.

Thats what my best friend thought before his picture was taken, and he committed suicide a month later. He didn't want to go. I told him he would regret that decision for the rest of his life. Well his life didn't last long enough to regret it, so I was right.

This is the most dangerous thing about what radicalization does to people. In reality, the alt-right has had little effect, but it has encouraged countless people to essentially fall down a slipperly slope without even knowing they are doing it. Take the case of a young man named Nick Fuentes, a kid I had associated with in my time. He had a lot going for him. He was a 18 year old polysci student at Boston College. He had his own show on a burgeoning broadcast network. He was smart. He was going places. So what did our cabal do? We dragged him down to our level. He was mostly just a pro-trump talking head, but he was caught saying “Jews make my life worst” on camera. This is where most people would shut up, apologize, and rebuild. Well me, and many others, pressured him to double down, and double down he did. He became a prominent anti-semetic twitter personality, to the point where he was kicked out of his school and now lives alone in his mom's house. And like so many others who fall into radicalization, his small group of fans prop him up and assure him he has greatness ahead of him. At 19 years old, his entire life is over and he doesn't even realize it.

As for me, I know its sounds strange that I didn't say very much about my actual white supremacist beliefs. Oddly enough, after my best friend killed himself, I myself feel into depression. After some time, I managed to get back on my feet and start getting back to work on my actual life and school. As I started back toward bettering my life, my old beliefs just sort of feel away, as if I never had them. I cut all contact with the alt-right, and now it feels as if they didn't exist. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm not only responsible for the death of Heather Heyer, but my best friend, as well as my previous friends who find their lives in shambled

I confess because every day I feel like I'm living a lie trying to build a life for myself. I'm sure one day, when I have a career, the truth will come out and I'll have to answer for it. Until then, I hope I can be a warning sign for others who might fall into the trap I did, alt-right or not. Its not worth it.

Proof: As far as proof, I've gotten rid of most everything that would remind my of my past life, but I do have this video from the night before Charlotessville that I doubt you're going to find anywhere else.

EDIT: At someone else's suggestion I've copied the story into the text field.