#'I drink to your excellent health and your cruelty'

[dracolizardlars]

Anyone else find that an album sharing a title (or at least a prominent lyric) with a specific track on it makes you more likely to listen to that album / track? When I'm scrolling through my albums just reading the title will put the song into my head and then I want to listen to it.

The most powerful of these for me is Have One On Me by Joanna Newsom, whose title always immediately makes me hear her absolutely heartrending delivery of "I really want you to do this for me: will you have one on me?"

[sovietunion]

And I will drink to your excellent health and your cruelty... will you have one on me...

[lungfuls]

Meanwhile I will raise my own glass to how you made me fast & expendable and I will drink to your excellent health and your cruelty. Will you have one on me

[croc-odette]

joanna newsom entry guide: it took me a long time to enjoy joanna newsom and then all of a sudden i was like i need more of this!! i don't know about music so this is all just me rambling. it took me years before the dam broke so this list isn't necessarily 'listen to this and a day later you'll like Ys' but 'over time i eventually felt extremely differently about these songs than when i first heard them'

'81 (marika hackman cover): we are starting super gently with covers because that is how i first got into newsom. a short sweet song about forgiveness that feels like it turns its back on overthinking. i have no idea what '81 references. newsom was born in 1982. a running theme will be 'i'm not 100% sure what's going on here'. hackman's voice is incredibly clear and at ease.

peach plum pear (owen pallet cover): a plucky and sharp little song about desire. i love a lot of the lyrics, including 'and all sneezing darkly in the dimming divide'. i would listen with headphones especially to hear the little bumps and strings. owen keeps to the eeriness of the song while making it his own style.

easy: ok here we are. a brisk and breezy six minutes! the first song on have one on me. a haunting song that swings between fairytale imagery and hypnotically convincing a lover that the relationship will be both easy and at the expense of the (allegedly) self-sacrificing singer.

good intentions paving company: i have said multiple times that i love to sing along to this song in the car. that are lots of little yodeling notes and the rhythm does at times feel like bouncing up and down on a bumpy road. 'for the duUuUuUration' 'feeeEEEEEEeeling it drag' 'like i'm in a fFFISt fight with the fog' there are certain words that when you sing them you realize how fun it is to lean in to the squeak or the screech or the warbling of it. some sounds you don't appreciate till they come out of your own mouth. a lot of really lovely lines.

clam crab cockle cowrie: SAD! i will be honest i will sometimes listen to the first half of this song and then skip over the end because i love the first half so much. but in the right mood it knocks the breath out of me. some of the my favorite lyrics.

does not suffice: SAD 2! the last song on have one on me which has been pointed out as the ending result to the relationship in easy; 'everything that could remind you/of how easy/i was not.' a breakup song that is more resigned and forlorn than bitter or resentful.

sawdust and diamonds (ben sollee cover): hello i'm a fake fan and here's another cover. i heard this cover before the original song so i'm still biased towards it. we are now in the 10 minute zone. an existential song about the fear and dread of loving someone knowing that everyone dies eventually.

baby birch (optional): this song is optional because sometimes it makes me so sad that it can be hard to listen to. every part of it is achingly beautiful. subject matter is thinking about a baby that never existed, either through a miscarriage or abortion.

have one on me: 11 minutes, baby! a song that is from the point of view of the king of bavaria's mistress, the countess of lansfield, as she fled to california during 1848-1849 german revolutions. i could not get into this song until recently and now i'm like oh yeah duh. mr daddy longs they are at it again can i see ya. normal music. and i will drink to your excellent health and your cruelty!

monkey and bear: a very fun fable of the creation of ursa major. this is a point where if you really like joanna's voice and instrument choices, you're into it. if you're not, then you're not. very clever and tricky wording, especially the multiple uses of bear/bare

in california: a good song but something about the way she sings 'but there is another... who is a little older' is so sweet and distinct that it stands out to me the most among all her vocals.

emily: sometimes you need to listen to a 12 minute song about joanna newsom's sister and imagery that made me convinced this song was about noah's ark but i realized i couldn't actually connect the dots. Ys, the album this song is from, is titled after a mythical city off the coast of Brittany that was swallowed by the sea.

i do not think i'm an expert on her: there's plenty of other songs by her that i haven't warmed up to or haven't really listened to. i think she has some of the most strange and wonderful lyrics around, which is why i originally got into covers of her music. and then i started to really appreciate the range of her music in general. bye!

[vegi1]

Can Vegetarians Drink Milk?

As a member of the vegan community, I know that some substances are forbidden for vegans and som of vegetarians.

vegans and vegetarians follow these rules and avoid particular substances because they are not healthy . also to protect the animals, those in need, and the whole planet.

I will elaborate on this matter further in the article.

We have to discuss this fact mainly can vegetarians drink milk?

You must know that the correct information on this case is crucial and can change the whole perspective.

So if you are ready, let’s get started with the article and see if vegetarians can drink milk and, if not, what can replace it for them.

I told you that vegans and vegetarians who care about their health and the lives of animals do not drink milk, do not eat cheese, and do not consume any animal dairy products.

Because there are many reasons that the production of milk and dairy products is not healthy, it is harmful to health, it causes great harm to animals, it is cruel, and it damages the environment.

We produce milk, cheese, yogurt and dairy products from herbs and nuts. .

These are the basics of being a vegan and vegetarian; however, this matter elaborates, meaning that in the next section of the article, I will be telling you the ultimate answer r to the question that suggests can vegetarians drink milk.

And I will tell you about some substitutes that can replace milk for all vegetarians and vegans.

However, I must mention that the substances in the milk can be found in plant-based food, and there is no obligation to use milk to get them.

Now let’s get to the next section of the statement.

Vegans avoid any animal products, no matter if it is for eating or wearing. The case is that when you are a vegan, you believe that all lives matter and we humans have no right to tolerate the abuse of other creatures.

And besides, some industries worldwide use animal testing and many other actions to perfect their products. And as vegans, we cannot stand by the idea that these products result from animal cruelty.

So these are the main reasons that some vegetarians avoid milk and other dairies,.

Many people, if they go to a cattle farm, feel nauseous because of the unpleasant smell there. If many people see the milking scene in person, they will not be able to touch that milk. Many people do not like the taste of raw milk and say it smells.

It is good to know that animal milks that are available in the market under the name of pasteurized have flavoring and preservatives to remove the real smell of milk from them.

When healthy vegetable milks are available and can be made easily at home, why should you cause death and harm to animals by buying a liquid that is not produced for human consumption?

However, you must review your choices and ensure that you always make the right decision.

Now that you know the deal about vegetarianism and milk let’s cite some of the alternatives for milk, and then we should finish the article, shall we?

1. The first one we love is soy milk, which is made of soy, and it is one of the best milk replacements for vegans because of all its nutrition, such as 4.5 grams of fat and 9 grams of carbohydrates.

2. The second alternative is almond milk which is somewhat similar to milk with almond flavor, but it is more than that.

Every 240 ml of almond milk has approximately 2 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of protein, and 2.5 grams of fat.

Which are the main substances of the milk.

3. The next alternative is coconut milk; this one is made from two simple substances, coconut and water.

This excellent drink has 45 calories, no carbohydrates, and 4 grams of fat, and the taste of it is fantastic and off the charts.

4. The last one I’d like to tell you about is the Oat milk.

Like in the past, this milk is made from oat and water, and every 240 ml of this drink has 170 calories, 5 grams of protein, 5 grams of fat, and 29 grams of carbohydrates.

These are some of the particular kinds of milk that I have found that can make your diet much better, and you can drink this milk instead of consuming cow milk which is not hygienic and comes from animal abuse.

[drdemonprince]

Have One on Me is nearly an 11 minute song and I still can recite all of its immensely detailed and historical-detail-laden-lyrics from memory at any moment, as if invoking an incantation, and I go through a fucking whirlwind of abusive-relationship-processing emotions of longing, loathing, hurt, forgiveness, contempt, and sorrow each time 

[madtomedgar]

Books read in August:

Do Not Say We Have Nothing, Madeleine Thien: Easily in my top 5 of the year, definitely one of my favorites now. She is a master of telling a story in a way that is fragmented and broken such that it conveys how the people, who cannot integrate this event or who cannot put themselves back into something the old them would recognize as “whole” experience or remember the story themselves. She is also devastatingly good at the whole. “your parents and/or grandparents lived through Historical Events which left them deeply scarred in specific ways that you don’t understand because they refuse to talk about it, so you just have to try your best to navigate this mine field.” I particularly love how she refuses the neat or comfortable ending, how she leaves things potentially forever unresolved and broken, because there is only so much you can do. The writing is devastatingly gorgeous. I also really liked how she handled two of her characters being gay. They love each other, and it never comes to anything because Historical Events are happening around them and they just never have room to figure out what that means, what it could look like, and it’s tragic and awful but in the way that so much of life is tragic and awful when you just don’t have the opportunity to live it because you have to keep going to your stupid job and surviving and that’s all there is room for. She handles the internal ideological struggles of her characters very seriously, which I don’t think I’ve seen in a story set in a communist regime before. The belief in their ideology and in the party and the leadership is handled in a way that feels similar to how narratives typically treat “man vs god” ideological internal struggles. The true believers who are active participants in the Cultural Revolution are as human and as sympathetic as the characters they’re beating.

Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro: This was a very good book and I didn’t enjoy it. It’s a very effective type of horror, where the narrator doesn’t see the horrific aspects of her life as anything other than normal, and resists to the end any realization of the cruelty and inhumanity of her situation. The banal positivity and shallowness of the narrator, however, drove me nuts. The character and her situation reminded me very strongly of the evangelical/southern baptist girls from extremely controlling (should be labled a cult but they’re technically mainstream christianity so they get a pass) congregations/families I grew up around, who had been so indoctrinated into the idea that their purpose in life was to get married and have babies, that even when they could identify that they didn’t want that, that they wanted something else, or when it was clear that this was going to put their health in serious jeaopardy, still viewed “getting married and having babies” like gravity. The idea that there were other options just couldn’t penetrate. It’s a really effective portrait of that sort of psyche, and works as an allegory for so many things, and deftly illustrates the way we all just accept the unacceptable in order to keep living our vapid little lives. And it also felt very British, in that I think a American author would have had at least one character try something desperate to escape their fate, even just to spite their fate. Having no one try to run away, or commit suicide, or ruin their organs on purpose by taking up smoking or drinking, was both part of the horror and took me out of it a bit. I wanted one of them to have a little of the underground man in them. So. Excellent book, but to me very frustrating and unenjoyable.

The Mother of All Questions, Rebecca Solnit: I have read others of her essay collections that I liked a lot better. This one didn’t age well. It’s very much about the resurgence of feminism between 2014 and early 2016, and it’s hard to read that kind of hope in 2022, post 2016-election, post metoo backlash, post Cosby acquittal, post Amber Heard trial. Several of the men she praises for being feminist allies in their public personas have since been revealed to be serial sexual predators, or just creeps and opportunists. As always her observations about societal misogyny are on point but it mostly served as a time-capsule to that particular progressive optimism of the late Obama years, that things were getting better, and yeah we had to keep working at it, but the tide was in our favor. And being on the other side of what’s happened since, it’s almost embarrassing to remember that that’s where so many of us were, and painful. Wish I’d read it when I first got it years ago and hadn’t put it off until it was mostly just “photos taken seconds before disaster” but for feminism in the 21st century.

[msfbgraves]

The way our society completely disregards the arts says something about how it disregards human feelings.

Feelings are weakness. The way we show character and strength is by not showing emotions in situations where having them would be expected. The best thing you can do with your emotions is not to feel them, so the more you do feel them, the more you are impaired in your functioning. Hurting someone until there is no longer a emotional reaction or the person lashes out in sarcasm and violence is called succesful child rearing. Emotions are private. If felt, they should not be shown to anyone but your closest, as they are inherently weak.

You certainly do not nurture your emotions, or indulge in them. If you have to, on your own dime. Society certainly has no obligation to indulge your weaknesses. They do not hand out free candybars either.

And then of course, governments turn around and commit unspeakable atrocities that are felt a hundred years later still. People batter their spouses or children. Sport supporters demolish whole inner cities after a lost game. We celebrate drinking until we black out. We watch helplessly how our loved ones self harm, overdose, commit suicide. We are terrified of leaving our loved ones to the cruelty of strangers when we cannot take care of them. We lash out and ruin relationships, possibly even start vendettas. We say the world is a harsh and cruel place and open another beer

But no one needs art, dance, design, games, stories, songs, unless they can be sold to consumers and passively enjoyed. We can go without that. We don't need to feel. Maybe we shouldn't at all.

We fear people who can perceive our emotions and anticipate what we'll do because of that. There can be no reason for doing that other than to harm, can there? That's manipulation and that's a coward's strategy. As if empathy could not simply be used to treat someone well. To heal from the inevitable scratches on our souls, because of course things will happen. To support each other against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. To soothe pain, to increase joy and friendliness. To help. To even increase physical fitness and health.

I mean, the fact that Sansa Stark's enjoyment of stories and songs is framed as a sign of her naieveté and her subsequent turning away from them as maturation by the same guy who is so full of love for the war of the roses he has created an elaborate fanfic to soothe his obsession is. I mean. How blind can you be to the power of stories and feelings? Especially because the same story states that one of the key strategies to winning power - if only to keep yourself safe - is empathy? What indeed do you think nurtures that empathy? What do you think can help prevent so much inwardly or outwardly directed violence? Art. Feelings. Especially when we're dealing with a lot of suffering that isn't man made anyway. We need to learn ways to increase our own joy and reduce our pain. Exercise and sports are excellent. Making art or simply expressing your emotions is an extremely good way to make life better and we keep telling ourselves that it is a private matter, a weakness, best drunk, sniffed or injected away or paid for on your own dime and how can we get people to stop killing each other, no idea, must come with the territory of being strong sensible enlightened epitomes of stoicness.

I can't believe this level of stupidity about the human condition is not only accepted but widely encouraged.

How many tragedies have been prevented by teaching someone streetdance, guitar, drawing, needlepoint, reading,knitting, photography, code, woodworking, painting, the macarena, ice dancing or the chorus to We Will Rock You ? How many inventions find their origin in a trip to the museum? We could do so much better still.

[plounce]

and i felt so bad cause i didn’t know how to feel bad enough to make him proud. thought the long road begins and ends with you, i cannot seem to make amends with you. and i knew that no other could ever love me as you loved, but help me! i’m leaving! i really want you to do this for me, will you have one on me? don’t you worry for me! have one on me! i will drink to your excellent health and your cruelty. will you have one on me? well are you? are you? are you proud?

[michaelbogild]

Lines by Joanna Newsom

No one knows what is coming Or who will harvest what we have sewn Or how I've been dulling and dumbing In the service of the heart alone

Oh, silent, constant driver of mine: wordlessly calling from the end of the line, where, even though each hour I ever loved must queue and dive, still, you will not take my heart, alive.

And darling we will be fine but what was yours and mine appears to me a sandcastle that the gibbering wave takes But if it's all just the same then will you say my name? Say my name in the morning so that I know when the wave breaks

I fell, I tried to do well but I won't be. Will you tell the one that I love to remember and hold me?

See, I got gone when I got wise But I can't with certainty say we survived

Stay with me for awhile, that's an awfully real gun I know life will lay you down as the lightning has lately done

All we saw was that Time is taller than Space is wide

What happened to the man you were, when you loved somebody before her? Did he die? Or does that man endure, somewhere far away?

I don't know if you loved me most, but you loved me last.

Meanwhile, I will raise my own glass to how you made me fast and expendable And I will drink to your excellent health and your cruelty, will you have one on me?

It was a dark dream, darlin', it's over The firebreather is beneath the clover Beneath his breathing there is cold clay, forever A toothless hound-dog choking on a feather

the records they left are cryptic at best, lost in obsolescence.

The old veil of desire, like vessels that we fired, fell thin as eggshells.

But stand brave, life-liver, bleeding out your days in the river of time. Stand brave: time moves both ways, in the nullifying, defeating, negating, repeating joy of life;

Anyhow, I sat by your side, by the water You taught me the names of the stars overhead that I wrote down in my ledger Though all I knew of the rote universe were those Pleiades loosed in December I promised you I'd set them to verse, so I'd always remember

I called to you several times while the change took place and then arrived all night And I died But all these songs, when you and I are long gone, will carry on

That the meteorite is the source of the light and the meteor's just what we see And the meteoroid is a stone that's devoid of the fire that propelled it to thee And the meteorite's just what causes the light and the meteor's how it's perceived And the meteoroid's a bone thrown from the void, that lies quiet in offering to thee

Hardly seen, hardly felt– deep down where your fight is waiting, down 'till the light in your eyes is fading:

There's a big black spider hanging over my door Can't go anywhere, anymore

Who asked you? Asked you if you want to be Loved by me? Who died and made you in charge of who loves who?

And I saw straight away that the lay was steep But I fell for you, honey, as easy as falling asleep And that right there is the course I keep

And the tilt of this strange nation And the will to remain for the duration Waving the flag Feeling it drag

Hey, hey, hey, the end is near On a good day you can see the end from here But I won't turn back now though the way is clear I will stay for the remainder

You froze in your sand shoal, prayed for your poor soul Sky was a bread roll, soaking in a milk-bowl And when the bread broke, fell in bricks of wet smoke My sleeping heart woke, and my waking heart spoke

And it's my heart, not me, who cannot drive At which conclusion you arrived Watching me sit here bolt upright and cry For no good reason at the Eastering sky

bearing weight, taking fire, trading smokes, in the war between us and our ghosts.

And every little gust that chances through will dance in the dust of me and you, with joy-of-life.

We broke our hearts in the war between St. George and the dragon But both in equal parts are welcome to come along I'm inviting everyone

By the time you read this, I will be so far away Daddy Longlegs, how in the world am I to be expected to stay? In the night, in the night, you may hear me call Pa, stay your hand and steel your resolve, stay where you are, so long and tall

Our nature does not change by will In the winter, 'round the ruined mill The creek is lying flat and still It is water, though it's frozen

Our lived come easy and our lives come hard. We carry them like a pack of cards: some we don't use, but we don't discard, but keep for a rainy day.

Until the night is over, hold on, hold on Hold your horses back from the fickle dawn

I am easy Easy to keep Honey, you please me Even in your sleep But my arms want to carry My heart wants to hold Tell me your worries, I want to be told

There is a blacksmith and there is a shepherd and there is a butcher-boy And there is a barber, who's cutting and cutting away at my only joy

And that is all I want here To draw my gaunt spirit to bow Beneath what I am allowed

How I said to you, "Honey, just open your heart" When I've got trouble even opening a honey jar And that right there is where we are

My heart is a furnace full of love that's just, and earnest Now, you know that we must unlearn this

Squint skyward and listen Loving him, we move within his borders Just asterisms in the stars' set order

"Do you love me? Will you remember?" The snow falls above me. The renderer renders: "The event is in the hand of God".

And I been 'fessing double fast Addressing questions nobody asked I'll get this joy off of my chest at last And I will love you 'til the noise has long since passed

With your hands in your pockets, stubbly running To where I'm unfresh, undressed and yawning Well, what is this craziness? This crazy talking? You caught some small death when you were sleepwalking

And there was a booming above you That night, black airplanes flew over the sea And they were lowing and shifting like beached whales Shelled snails, as you strained and you squinted to see The retreat of their hairless and blind cavalry

You ranged real hot and real cold but I'm sold I am home on that range And I do hate to fold Right here at the top of my game

Then down and down and down and down and down and deeper Stoke, without sound, the blameless flames, you endless sleeper Through fire below and fire above, and fire within Sleep through the things that couldn't have been if you had not have been

You burned me like a barn I burned safe and warm in your arms

All the way to the thing we've been playing at, darlin' I can see that you're wearing your staying hat, darlin' For the time being all is well Won't you love me a spell?

And when the fire moves away Fire moves away, son Why would you say I was the last one?

And I rose, to take my shape at last, from the dreams that had dogged me, through every past, when, to my soul, the body would say You may do what you like, as long as you stay.

And, in your kindness, you put me straightaway in the cupboard with a bottle of champagne And then, later, on a train

Well I wish we could take every path I could spend a hundred years adoring you Yes, I wish we could take every path because you know I hated to close the door on you

And then a slow lip of fire moves across the prairie with precision While somewhere with your pliers and glue, you make your first incision And in a moment of almost unbearable vision, doubled over with the hunger of lions "Hold me close," cooed the dove, who was stuffed now with sawdust and diamonds

In martial wind, and in clarion rain, we minced into battle, wincing in pain; not meant for walking, backs bound in twine: not angel or devil, but level, in time.

The text will not yield, nor x-ray reveal with any fluorescence where the hand of the master begins and ends.

When cruel death debases, we believe it erases all the rest that precedes.

What’s redacted will repeat, and you cannot learn that you burn when you touch the heat, so we touch the heat, and we cut facsimiles of love and death (just separate holes in sheets where you cannot breathe, and you cannot see).

Here, the light will seep And the scythe will reap And spirit will rend In counting toward the end

All the livelong day If I have my way, I will love you But one can't carry the weight Or change the fate of two I've been waiting for a break How long's it gonna take? Let me love you

But it don't make no difference, now, and no-one's listening, anyhow, and lists of sins and solemn vows don't make you any friends.

I have got some business out at the edge of town Candy weighing both of my pockets down Till I can hardly stay afloat, from the weight of them And knowing how the common folk condemn What it is I do, to you, to keep you warm Being a woman, being a woman

And it pains me to say, I was wrong. Love is not a symptom of time. Time is just a symptom of love

Where i know that you can yield, when it comes down to it; bow like the field when the wind combs through it:

But though I tried so hard my little darling I couldn't keep the night from coming in

All along the road, the lights stream by. I want to go where the dew won’t dry. I want to go where the light won’t bend– far as the eye may reach–nor end.

I can't claim that I knew you best, but did you know me at all?

But it's mine. Or, at least, it's lent. And my life, until the time is spent is a pin-light, bent.

Though the long road begins and ends with you I cannot seem to make amends with you

In the folds and the branches, somewhere, out there, I was only just born into open air. Now hush, little babe. You don’t want to be down in the trenches, remembering with me, where you will not mark my leaving, and you will not hear my parting song. Nor is there cause for grieving. Nor is there cause for carrying on.

But inasmuch as that light is loaned, and, insofar as we’ve borrowed bones, must every debt now be repaid in star-spotted, sickle-winged night raids, while we sing to the garden, and we sing to the stars, and we sing in the meantime, wherever you are?

Rowing along, among the reeds, among the rushes I heard your song, before my heart had time to hush it

Easy, easy You must not fear You must meet me to see me I am barely here But like a Bloody Mary Seen in the mirror Speak my name And I appear

And the little white dove made with love, made with love made with glue and a glove and some pliers Swings a low sickle arc from its perch in the dark, settle down, settle down my desire

In our lives is a common sense that relies on the common fence that divides, and attends, but provides scant defense from the Great Light that shine through a pin-hole, when the pin-light calls itself Selfhood, and the Selfhood inverts on a mirror in an Amora Obscura.

When I've been trying with my whole heart and soul To stay right here in the right lane But it can make you feel over and old Lord, you know it's a shame When I only want for you to pull over and hold me Till I can't remember my own name

Then in my hot hand, she slumped her sick weight We tramped through the poison oak, heartbroke and inchoate The dogs were snapping, and you cuffed their collars While I climbed the tree-house, then how I hollered

At night, I walk in the park with a whip between the lines of the whispering Jesuits Who are poisoning you against me

And what do you remember most? The line of the sea, seceding the coast? Fine capillaries, glowing with cars? The comfort you drew from the light of the stars?

Failing this, failing this, follow me, my sweetest friend To see what you anointed in pointing your gun there Lay it down, nice and slow, there is nowhere to go

it was dark out, I was half-dead I saw a star fall into the sky like a chunk of thrown coal as if God himself spat like a cornered rat

but honey it’s been a long time since I’ve come to any use. And it hurt me bad, when I heard the news that you’d got that call, and could not refuse.

But always up the mountainside you're clambering Groping blindly, hungry for anything Picking through your pocket linings, well, what is this? Scrap of sassafras, eh Sisyphus?

Come across the desert with no shoes on I love you truly or I love no-one

And when I cut your hair and leave the birds all of the trimmings I am the happiest woman among all women

You asked my hand, hired a band "In your heart is all that you need Ask and you will receive," it is said I threw my bouquet and I knocked 'em dead

Haven't you seen what I've seen? Don't you know what you ought to do? I was born to love And I intend to love you

The borders of the land that man has girded All double-bolted and tightfisted Until we reach the open country A-steeped in milk and honey Will you keep your fancy clothes on, for me? Can you bear a little longer to wear that leash? My love, I swear by the air I breathe Sooner or later, you'll bare your teeth

From the top of the flight of the wide white stairs Through the rest of my life, do you wait for me there? There's a bell in my ears, there's a wide white roar Drop a bell down the stairs, hear it fall forever more Hear it fall forever more

And no amount of talking is going to soften the fall But, like after the rain, step out if the overhang, that's all It had a nice a ring to it when the ole opry house rang So with a solemn auld lang Signed, sealed, delivered, I sang And there is hesitation and it always remains Concerning you, me And the rest of the gang And in our quiet hour I feel I see everything And am in love with the hook upon which everyone hangs And I know you meant to show the extent To which you gave a god dang

Beyond recall, you severed all strings to everyone, and everything.

And in an infinite regress: Tell me, why is the pain of birth lighter borne than the pain of death? I ain't saying that I loved you first, but I loved you best.

And though our bones they may break and our souls separate, why the long face? And though our bodies recoil from the grip of the soil, why the long face?"

I think you saw their flares and kept me safely unawares In your arms

But there is nothing I adore apart from that whore's black heart

But I took my fishing pole, fearing your fever Down to the swimming hole, where there grows a bitter herb That blooms but one day a year, by the riverside, I'd bring it here Apply it gently to the love you've lent me

See how the infinite divides: and the divers are not to blame for the rift, spanning distant shores. You don't know my name, but I know yours.

We are tested and pained By what's beyond our bed We are blessed and sustained By what is not said

The wandering eye that I have caught Is as hot as a wandering sun But I will want for nothing more in my garden, start again In my hardening to every heart but one

So, across the years and miles and through On a good day you can feel my love for you Will you leave me be so that we can stay true To the path that you have chosen?

But for now, just dance, darling C'mon, will you dance, my darling? Darling, there's a place for us Can we go, before I turn to dust?

I see the blossoms broke and wet after the rain Little sister, he will be back again I have washed a thousand spiders down the drain Spiders' ghosts hang, soaked and Dangling silently, from all the blooming cherry trees In tiny nooses, safe from everyone Nothing but a nuisance, gone now, dead and done Be a woman, be a woman

I had a dream that i walked in the garden of Chabot, and those telescope ruins. It was there that I called to my true love, who was pale as millennial moons, Honey, where did you come by that wound?

Rushing, tearing, speeding home: bound to a wheel that is not my own, where round every bend I long to see temporal infidelity.

My mind is failing and my body grows weak My lips won't form the words I speak I'm floating away on a barrel of pain New York City won't see me again

Save up, up where the light, undiluted, is weaving In a drunk dream at the sight of my baby, out back Back on the patio, watching the bats bring night in While, elsewhere, estuaries of wax-white Wend, endlessly, towards seashores unmapped

Bleached the night with dawn deleting In that high sun after our good run When the spirit bends Beneath knowing it must end

Recall the word you gave: to count your way across the depths of this arid world, where you would yoke the waves, and lay a bed of shining pearls!

When the sky goes pink in Paris, France, do you think of the girl who used to dance when you'd frame her moving within your hands, saying This I won't forget?

Hey little leaf, lying on the ground Now you're turning slightly brown Why don't you get up on the tree Turn the color green the way you ought to be

Now the towns and forests, highways and plains, fall back in circles like an emptying drain. And I won't come round this way again, where the lonely wind abides, and you will not take my heart, alive. You will not take my heart.

I saw a rabbit as slick as a knife and as pale as a candlestick And I had thought it'd be harder to do but I caught her, and skinned her quick

I said a sort of prayer for some rare grace Then thought I ought to take her to a higher place Said, "Dog nor vulture nor cat shall toy with you And though you die, bird, you will have a fine view"

till we hear the telltale Boom, too soon– hotdogging loon, caught there like a shard of mirror in the moon!

There's an old trick played, when the light and the wine conspire to make me think I'm fine. I'm not, but I have got half a mind to maybe get there, yet.

It was dark, I was drunk and half-dead and we slept, knocking heads

And the moment I slept, I was swept up in a terrible tremor Though no longer bereft, how I shook and I couldn't remember And then the furthermost shake, drove a murdering stake in and cleft me right down through my center And I shouldn't say so but I know that it was then or never

Down in the valley where the fields are green Watch my luck turn, fro, and to Pluck every last daisy clean till only I may love you

I saw a life and I called it mine I saw it drawn so sweet and fine And I had begun to fill in all the lines Right down to what we'd name her

I wasn't born of a whistle or milked from a thistle at twilight No, I was all horns and thorns, sprung out fully formed, knock-kneed and upright So enough of this terror we deserve to know light and grow evermore lighter and lighter You would have seen me through but I could not undo that desire

A goose, alone, I suppose, can know the loneliness of geese, who never find their peace,whether north, or south, or west, or east

I'll hunt the pearl of death to the bottom of my life, and ever hold my breath, till I may be the diver's wife.

I call and call for the doctor but the snow swallows me whole with ol' Florry Walker and the event lives only in print.

This is blindness beyond all conceiving Well, behind us the road is leaving, yeah, leaving And falling back Like a rope gone slack

Bottle of white, bottle of red Helpless as a child, when you held me in your arms And I knew that no other could ever love me as you loved Love me as you loved but help me, I'm leaving

Dig a little hole not three inches round Spit your pit in a hole in the ground Weep upon the spot for the starving of me Till up grows a fine young cherry tree When the bough breaks, what'll you make for me?

But I saw the Bering Strait and the Golden Gate, in silent suspension of their golden age

And everything sloped like it was dragged from a rope in the mouth of the south below

Do you remember staring up at the stars So far away in their bulletproof cars?

I found a little plot of land in the garden of Eden It was dirt and dirt is all the same I tilled it with my two hands and I called it my very own There was no one to dispute my claim

[anchcred]

→ ABOUT MAHA.

DETAILED ABOUT.

“Take it back! I never asked for it!”     - Mahanon Lavellan, DA:I.

General Characteristics

Name: Mahanon Lavellan. Appearance: Slender build, red-brown hair, blue eyes. Red detailed Elgar'nan vallaslin.  Pronunciation: Mah-hah-known Lah-veil-ahn Name Origin: Dalish. Name Meaning: ‘He who moves ahead towards a good place.’ Other Names: Maha. Titles: Inquisitor, Herald, Your Worship, Lord Lavellan, Master Lavellan. Theme Song: The Gardener - Sarah Sparks Zodiac: Pisces.

Personal Characteristics

Birth Date: 9:14 Dragon. Birth Name: Mahanon Lavellan. Manner of Birth: Natural. First Word(s): Ahn? (Huh?/What?) Primary Objective: Defeat Corypheus; save the world. Secondary Objectives: Restore order, spread peace. Priorities: Assisting those in need. Motivation: Lack of options. Self-Confidence: Low. Embarrassments: Falling asleep in strange places. Worries: Failing. Disappointing people. Losing everyone. Soothers: Comforting words. Visits from friends. Letters from his clan. Instigators: Lack of sleep. Pushing past boundaries. Shouting. Aggressive behavior. Harsh criticism of his actions/decisions. Earliest Memory: Light filtering through the leaves of trees, the smell of woodsmoke, laughter, warmth. Fondest Memory: Receiving his vallaslin. Worst Memory: Seeing the future in which he fails. Favorite Dream: Traveling with his clan again, forgetting this all ever happened. Worst Nightmare: Corypheus capturing his friends and infecting them with red lyrium. Desires: Love, comfort, support, reassurance. Wishes: The happiness of the members of the Inquisition. Confidantes: Cole, Varric. Soft Spots: Emotional hurt, crying, loss. Simple trinkets, carved figurines, soft cloth. Cruel Streaks: An eye for an eye thoughts on judging people, though he often errs on the side of mercy. Musical Instrument: Wooden pipes. (He’s not very good.) Quirks: See headcanons. Dominant Hand: Right.

Mental Characteristics

Known Languages: Elvhen (Limited), Common, Orlesian (Learning) Memory: Good. Savvies: Dancing, scouting, carving. Ineptities: Politics. Temperament: Phlegmatic. Hobbies: Carving, studying, training. Pet Peeves: Unnecessary cruelty, untidiness.

Intellectual Characteristics (1-10)

Logical-Mathematical: 4 Spatial: 6 Linguistic: 6 Bodily-Kinesthetic: 8 Musical: 3 Interpersonal: 10 Intrapersonal: 6 Naturalistic: 8 Existential: 4

Philosophical Characteristics

Morality: Strong sense of justice and right and wrong. Sometimes skewed perception due to limited interaction with the world prior to leaving his clan. Etiquette: Proper, as far as Dalish are concerned. Learning to be polite in other situations. Attitude: Nervous. Outlook on Life: Grim, uncertain. Perception: Glass half-empty. Standpoint: See world state. Philosophy: Kindness.

Spiritual Characteristics

Animal: Rabbit. Religion: Elven Pantheon. Devotion: Believes and respects, but not 100% invested/devoted. Superstitions: See headcanons. Virtues: Temperance, charity, kindness, humility. Vices: Lust, envy.

Highs and Lows

Likes: Fall, firepits, lively music, laughter, warmth, physical affection, emotional support. Dislikes: Loneliness, silence, snow. Favorite Animal: Rabbit. Favorite Arts: Stained glass. Favorite Color: Amber. Favorite Country: Ferelden. Favorite Drink: Water. Favorite Food: Roasted berries and toasted nuts with fresh bread. Favorite Flavor: Mint. Favorite Number: 6. Favorite Pastime: People-watching. Favorite Season: Autumn. Favorite Story Genre: Romance. Favorite Subject: Herbalism. Favorite Words: Lethallin/lethallan, lath'sal'in. Least Favorite Color: Purple. Least Favorite Country: Tevinter. Least Favorite Food: Very heavy meats. Least Favorite Pastime: Lectures (of the chastising sort). Least Favorite Season: Winter. Least Favorite Story Genre: Political Intrigue. Least Favorite Words: Goodbye.

Apparel

Accessories: Carved wooden ring, delicate floral design. Dress Style/Wardrobe: Light armor, thin boots, leather gloves. Equipment: Dual daggers.

Social Characteristics

Communication: Excellent. Criminal Record: Never caught. Discriminations: Poor opinions of Orlais, wary of Qunari. Dominance: Submissive. Ego: Tiny. Emotional Stability: Fair, but fragile. Expression: Intricate wood carvings to vent feelings on. Humor: Quick to laugh. Liveliness: Fair. Mannerisms: Very polite, if inquisitive. Patience: That of a saint. Reputation: Good. Sociability: Fair, if somewhat awkward.

Intrapersonal Connections

Immediate Family: Mother (warrior/hunter) in clan, Father (healer) deceased. Close Relatives: Cousins, uncle, and aunt in clan.

Acquaintances: Allegiance: Inquisition. Allies: Mages, Grey Wardens, Celene of Orlais. Enemies: Corypheus, Samson. Followers: Members of the Inquisition. Heroes: Hero of Ferelden. (If Dalish.) Inspirations: Hero of Ferelden. (If Dalish.)

Reactions

Angry: Clenched fist, locked jaw, red cheeks, few words. Anxious: Toying with fingers, touching items, avoiding eye contact, fidgeting. Conflicted: Chewing lower lip, frowning, deep breaths. Criticized: Lips pressed together, shoulders forward, cheeks red, arms crossed. Depressed: Avoiding eye contact, avoiding conversation, few words, absentminded responses, listlessness. Excited: Wide eyes, big smile, lots of hand gestures. Frightened: Shoulders forward, quick breaths, wide eyes, lax mouth, tense posture, head slightly lowered to protect throat. Guilty: Biting inside of cheek, hands clasped, averted eyes, stumbling words. Happy: Warm smile, open expression and posture, small hand gestures. Humiliated: Red-faced, lips in a thin line, shallow breaths and slumped shoulders, averted face, mumbling words, avoidance. Instincts: Light steps, relaxed posture, stands with back to a surface if possible. Mistaken: Brows drawn together, subtle frown, head tipped. Nervous: Fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, speaking quickly. Offended: Clenched jaw, sharp, quick answers, avoidance. Praised: Flushed neck and cheeks, uncertain smile, eyes down, hand rubbing at neck or arm. Rejected: Avoiding eye contact, ears red, lips pressed tight, mumbling, eagerness to leave. Sad: Quiet, few words, lowered head, forced smiles. Stressed: Fidgeting, snappiness, frequent pacing, quick speech. Thoughtful: Absent expression, tracing lip with finger, quiet, slow speech.

Physical Characteristics

Species: Elf. Nationality: Dalish. Skin Color: Fair. Height: 5'5”. Tattoos: Elgar'nan vallaslin in red. Face Shape: Almond/Oval. Hair Color: Red-brown. Hair Length: Short. Hair Type: Healthy. Hair Style: Messy. Eyebrows: Medium. Facial Hair: None. Eye Type: Almond. Eye Color: Blue. Teeth: Slight overbite.

Health and Fitness

Allergies: Bees. Broken Bones: Left arm, in childhood. Disorders: PTSD. See headcanons. Birthmarks: Small collection of dark spots, right hip. Dexterity: High. Diet: Fairly healthy. Exercise: Plenty. Figure: Slim. Fitness: High. Hygiene: Decent. Posture: Poor. Scent: Wood.

Sexual Characteristics

Gender: Male. Gender Role: Male. Orientation: Gay. (With a few exceptions.) Turnons: Slow build-up, foreplay, neck touching/kissing, ear nibbling, hip rubbing. Turn-offs: Violence, not to be confused with rough play. Virginity: Not a virgin.

Residential Characteristics

Abode: Skyhold. Culture: Dalish. Traditions: Dalish. Sleep Patterns: Poor.

Vocal Characteristics

Accent/Dialect: Free Marches. Laughter: Breathy.

Other information to be added via headcanons and developed through interactions.

[petuniakestrel]

undefined

[joannanewsomtruisms]

helpless as a child when you held me in your arms and i knew that no other could ever love me as you loved, love me as you loved, but honey, i’m leaving! i remember everything, down to the sound of you shaving, the scrape of your razor, the dully upbraiding black hair that remained when you clutched at me. that night i came upstairs half-dead, and in your kindness you put me straightaway in the cupboard with a bottle of champagne and then later on a train. it was dark out, i was half-dead. i saw a star fall into the sky like a chunk of thrown coal, as if god himself spat like a cornered rat. i really want you to do this for me: will you have one on me? it was dark, i was drunk and half-dead, and we slept knocking heads sitting up in the star-smoking air knocking heads like buoys. don’t you worry for me! will you have one on me? meanwhile, i will raise my own glass to how you made me fast and expendable, and i will drink to your excellent health! and your cruelty! will you have one on me?

[gontagokuhara]

ok ok. you gave us your opinions on v3’s amount of batshit bonkers, but what are your feeling on sdr2, the batshittiest bonkers game by far

anon you are absolutely correct everyone really did lose it during sdr2

sexy byakuya: i will concede that sexy byakuya did not have real reason to go bonker, given who they were impersonating and their situation in general. however, i am disappointed that they were not given the chance to go truly feral at some of the other characters.

teruteru: he was unhinged right from the get go, but not in a good way. but truly is propensity for going bonkers culminated in his FOOLISH plan to kill komaeda instead of, You Know, fucking telling everyone that nagito threatened to kill somebody? a true jester, indeed

mahiru: she had potential, but none of it was ever acted on. being hiyoko’s, who i’ll get to in a minute, girlfriend was pretty wack, but i think she should have lost it more directly. batshit lesbian rights

peko: she did NOT shy away from going completely bonkers and i absolutely respect that. the entirety of trial 2 was absolutely insane, all thanks to her. that said, some of her more nuts thought processes were an outcome of bad writing (i do NOT like that ‘im a tool’ shit) so i cant enjoy it to its fullest potential. also trial 2 sort of sucked in general. sorry queen

ibuki: FERAL ICON!!!!! ibuki is bonkers in the early 2000s rawr lawl xd sort of way, and i ADORE it. she is straight up unhinged girl representation at its BEST. shes near perfect in that regard

hiyoko: she is kokichi 1.0; the prototype of the small batshit mean troublemaker, if you will. she excels at exuding feral energy because im pretty sure she is feral. that amount of sugar going into that tiny a body can only lead to chaos, and i respect that

mikan: no, mikan did not go bonkers. i will explain this in a moment.

her: i consider pre-trial 3 mikan and trial 3 mikan two different characters, the latter of whom ive unaffectionately dubbed ‘her’. ‘her’ is not mikan; she is the outcome of incompetent writing parading itself as mikan. ‘her’ went bonkers, as anyone can see by looking at how the latter half of trial 3 plays out. but its not in a good, fun, or compelling way, nor is it in a way that makes sense or adds anything to the narrative. it sucks. one day i’ll write a dissertation on why 2-3 is ass.

nekomaru: nekomaru is bonkers from the get go, but contrasted to ‘her’, its in a fun, lighthearted way! nekomaru’s character is lacking in care in a lot of places (thanks for NOTHING, writing team) and his nuttiness is no different.

gundham: LOOK AT HIM. LOOK AT A SINGLE LINE GUNDHAM SAYS THE WHOLE GAME. HE IS ONE OF THE MOST BATSHIT, OFF THE WALL CHARACTERS IN THE ENTIRE SERIES, AND I ADORE HIM FOR IT! FERAL DEMON RIGHTS!

komaeda: o. oh my god. the king himself. there is no one who rivals his bonkers nature. he is truly the pinnacle of bananas dr characters. that said, though, he’s actually written pretty fucking terribly from a standpoint of mental health and real decency at ALL, so a lot of his more out there tendencies are played not for lighthearted laughs, but for cruelty and to play into (homophobic, ableist) stereotypes. in an ideal world, nagito is the perfect unhinged character. but he is not and it is because of homophobia. come see my tedtalk on this next week

chiaki: she wasnt given a personality let alone a chance to showcase any nutty tendencies. my heart breaks thinking about the potential that was wasted with her.

akane: again, a character not treated with respect at all throughout the game. when youre laughing, youre laughing *at* her, not with her. not great feral representation, esp when you take into account some of the stereotypes shes given...not great.

fuyuhiko: chapter 3 fuyuhiko was pretty off the shits, if the whole [laughs uncomfortably] thing is any hint. his deep routed disgust with things like underage drinking and premarital sex is even moreso bonkers, somehow, so i approve. could have been better, though

kazuichi: hes bonkers but not in a fun way (at least, not most of the time). potential was there, but he fell flat. sad

sonia: FERAL WOMAN LEGEND. she has these MOMENTS of being absolutely hysterical with just how off the wall she can be, but its fairly rare, so not great:( sonia should have drop kicked someone at least once

hajime: being arguably the biggest dick of all the protags (AND I SAY THIS AFFECTIONATELY, I ADORE HAJIME) he had some real potential, however he didnt get to shine in terms of being bananas as much as i would have liked. super saiyan hajime chapter 6 was pretty uh. it was sure something though

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Heya! :) I noticed the OC ask thingy! How about #8, #31 & #50, because I'm curious! 💙

Ohhhhhhh my god, you chose the angstiest one, I stg hahahah xD

Okay so, since you recently got into BNHA and I know how much you love it, I’m going to write the answers based on the backstory surrounding Kitsune’s BNHA life, if it’s okay with you <3 

(I can do YuGiOh too, if you’d like, since I know you love that one too <3 )

---

For the questions to make more sense when I answer, I will put below her character info, for anyone interested <3

Hope you like this and isn’t too angsty and tragic haha <3

---

8. What is your OC’s theme song?

For this one, I think “Painkiller” by Three Days Grace

I feel that somehow, after everything that’s been happening in her life, now that she’s back to U.A. and has Dabi in her life, in a very disfunctional way, she leans on him and Hawks for support, since she’s in the grey area of Villain and Hero, and needing to find some way to erase the pain she has in her heart that she had to bottle down so many years.

31. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory?

Her most traumatic memory is when her sister died in her arms.

They were doing a Hero training, with All Might and Aizawa supervising, and the twins were in the HERO side, having to rescue a “hostage” from the “villains”, but as her sister was the one to fight, being the more powerful one, and Kitsune having to rescue the hostage, as she was the sneaky and fast one, her sister, Kasai, was caught in a crossfire real Villain attack, and when Kitsune returned with the “hostage” to show her they won the training, she saw her sister on the floor, bleeding, barely able to utter a word.

On the other hand, her favourite memory is when her and her sister got into U.A., but she wasn’t happy that she got into U.A., since she never cared much about becoming a hero - She was happy she was in the same school and class as her sister, since she never wanted to be apart from her, no matter what.

50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

It depends on the time she has left and on the thing that’s causing the unavoidable death.

She will talk to everyone in power, seeing if they know anything on the matter and if they can help, and if there is a chance of hope, she’ll try to take it.

If not, she’ll go have a private word with Hawks, Aizawa and Toshinori, since they were the most influencial people in her life, then she’d go to Dabi and tell him everything there is to be told, lowkey forcing him to accompany her on a trip around the world - Or well, whatever place she wants to visit - Wanting her last days to be with the person who gets her and showed her that there’s nothing bad about having feelings. ( How ironic/hypocritical of him. )

---

BASICS

Name: Moeru Kitsune

Nickname: Foxy, Vixen

Hero name: Kasai

Alter-Ego: The Fox

Meaning of Names: Flame, Fire, Fox

Languages: Japanese, English, French

Dominant hand: Ambidextruous

Occupation: Ex-U.A. student, currently working from home.

Age: 21

Height: 163 cm

Weight: 45 kg

Birthday: January 3rd, Capricorn

Entrance Exam Points: 41 Villain points, 39 Rescue points = Total 80 points

Course: Hero course, class 1-A

APPEARANCE:

Hair Style: Messy, spikey

Hair Length: Medium-long

Hair Colour: Red

Eye Colour: Green

Skin Colour: Pale

Looks: Fox-like, has a fang sticking out and furry fox ears

Body Structure: Skinny, average height

Clothes: Black leather boots with high heels, black ripped jeans, black Tshirt, green plaid shirt with rolled sleeves

Accessories: Silver rings, a dog-tag with fire painted on it, one studded bracelet, one fingerless glove

PERSONALITY:

Act: Introverted, acts cold and sarcastic, teases people a lot, can be harsh, but she cares for those around her

Likes: Video games, hacking, reading, travelling, walking through the forest at night, chilly weather, animals, hot chocolate, scented candles, freedom, movies

Dislikes: Meaningless cruelty, rude people, dull people

Fears: Failing, death of her loved ones, loneliness, spiders

HEALTH:

Blood Type: A, Rh +

Weaknesses: Weak legs

Habits/Tendancies: Taps her nails on plane surfaces, bites her lip, fidgets with her fingers, always holds her phone to combat anxiety, earphones are always on when walking outside to avoid any awkwardness

Irritations: Loud people, children, traffic noise

Reason: Sound sensitivity, bad-temper

QUIRK INFO/HERO INFO:

Quirk Name: Fox-Fire

Quirk Information: It's a quirk that allows her to burn anything and everything in the blink of an eye, but while her hair can lit up on fire when she gets angry, she needs to be extra-careful with everyone's clothes.

She can use powerful blasts of flames to empower her speed, allowing her to pretend she can fly as she jumps like a cat with undeniable elegance and agility.

Quirk Limits/Drawbacks: Gets dehydrated very fast, nausea, fainting, burns on her skin (they heal very quickly though), blood coughing if she doesn't drink cold water

Quirk Range: Normally long-ranged attacks to ambush the enemy, but is highly proficient with close-combat since she can inflict greater burns if she grabs the enemy, her speed and agility being her allies.

Control Over Quirk: Very well, as long as she doesn't overuse it.

Hero Motivations: Her sister, money for technology.

Hero Costume: Japanese fox mask, a short red fox patterned kimono with long, loose sleeves she uses as pockets, black thighs, red flats that keep her feet secure, can't slip, in which she can move freely and they give her a speed boost.

Fighting Style: Ambush style, surrounding the enemy in a huge circle of serpent-like flames. If that doesn't defeat them, then she goes for quick strikes using her fire-infused katana, using her speed and agility to jump around and confuse the enemy.

Abilities: She's smart, can trick/manipulate/deceive people, has great battle tactics, finding the enemy's weakness, can seduce people into doing her bidding, she's a brilliant thief, excellent stealth and hacking skills.

Support Gear: Hearing empowering flower-designed accessories, a katana that she empowers with fire, shoes that give her a speed boost and let her fall to the ground with no pain. (Everything is fire-proof)

Moves: She can create a huge fox made of fire that chases around enemies, burning everything in the proximity.

STATISTICS:

Power: 3/5

Speed: 5/5

Technique: 4/5

Intelligence: 5/5

Cooperativeness: 2/5

REALATIONSHIPS:

Mother: Deceased

Father: Away

Siblings: Sister, deceased

Crush: Dabi

Best Friend/s: Shinsou, Hawks

Friends: U.A. Class 1-A

Enemies: Heroes

[sparxwrites]

An old fandom friend @stardustandseas asked for some Caleb whump recs, so here!! Have forty eight of my personal favourites (alongside some quality angst-fic because that’s in the general spirit of whump, too). Feel free to reblog this post and add your own faves / plug your own writing! And I’m sure more excellent hurt!Caleb and sad!Caleb will be written in the future, so I may reblog this and add to it at some point.

If one of your fics is listed here and you’d like your tumblr url added to the credits, drop me a message and I’ll try to do so.

(Please check the tags/warnings on the fic itself. I’ve tried to tag for spoilers as best I can - I’m counting spoilers as Caleb backstory stuff and recent [as of August 2018] campaign developments. I’ve not tagged triggers on these, but several involve graphic descriptions of violence, sexual assault, and other similar upsetting things – such is the nature of whump.)

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“Betrothed” by MeBeShe (@matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll) [Caleb/Molly; 70k WIP]

After nearly a decade of war, Archmage Caleb Widogast has brokered a peace with the Xhorasian empire. It comes at the cost of his hand in marriage. They send the Nonagon, leader of their bloodhunters, to marry him. He wasn't expecting a beautiful tiefling. He wasn't expecting Mollymauk Tealeaf.

[A truly delicious mix of slow-burn relationship, sexual tension and pining, and ongoing physical health issues and angst on Caleb’s side. It’s both soothing and emotionally satisfying, it’s currently my “save to read before going to bed” fic, and I love it so much.]

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“the mist upon the hill” by BucketofWater (@ereborslionheart) [Caleb/Molly; 80k WIP]

Caleb is a mottled canvas of thin, white lacerations so many that Nott can hardly begin to count them all, she wouldn’t even know where to begin.

Or, the soulmate au where some soulmates share injuries and Caleb is very tired and very sore.

[My other current “save to read before going to bed” fic. It’s got everything – slow-burn, soulmates, angst, Caleb trying to hide his injuries, miscommunication… I also adore this one and honestly, the whump is just so satisfying.]

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“Traveling Hearts” by CatKing_Catkin (@pangurbanthewhite) [Caleb/Molly; maybe spoilers?; 117k

A figure from Lucien's past shows up to collect on an old arrangement. When Molly doesn't want to talk business, the stranger takes him and the Mighty Nein for himself instead.

Caleb is only just able to get Jester to safety in time. But when the rest of his friends fall victim to their captor's vampiric thrall, that leaves him trapped and alone against the twisted attentions and easy cruelty of a wizard more powerful than he's ever dreamed of being.

Jester struggles to understand her enemies and make a plan of attack. Her friends are counting on her to save them, even if some of them don't know it anymore, and so she is determined to be the light in the darkness for them and all the people of Tanner's Crossing.

With a little bit of magic and a little bit of research and a whole lot of determination as they fight their own battles, Caleb and Jester might just save their friends before they lose themselves in the bargain.

[I’m… genuinely unsure if anything I could say about this fic would do it justice. Please, please read it if you haven’t already, because I adore everything about it and it’s delightful and stressful and upsetting and plotty and incredibly whumpy aahhh. I’d probably put it in the top ten fics I’ve ever read, which is high praise indeed.]

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“The Trauma Cafe” by MeBeShe (@matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll) [Caleb/Molly; major spoilers; 114k WIP]

There's a cafe that specializes in rehabilitating people with trauma. That cafe was home to Mollymauk Tealeaf. Now it's home to cult survivor Caleb Widogast.

[Another of the big campaign two fics that I suspect is something of a fandom classic by now. It’s less whump and more angst, past whump, and recovery, but I do suspect there might be some whump in the next few chapters. We’ll see. You absolutely have to read it, though, as with the above three.]

-

“The Mighty Fieber” by hufflepirate (@hufflepirate) [Gen; (major?) spoilers; 13k]

When Caleb gets very sick, the rest of the Nein take care of him. The fever draws some of Caleb's issues to the front, but if Beau can figure out how to use punching for medicinal purposes, she can figure out how to talk about feelings. Maybe. Caleb isn't used to being cared about, but sometimes if it's masked enough, he can navigate it anyway.

[Hey you know how good the “comes down with a fever and people don’t notice at first, and then they do and are really scared by how ill the person is” trope is? This fic is basically Entirely That.]

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“starwalker” by ashinan (@ashinan) [Gen; 8k]

Those whose souls are claimed by the Fey are to be feared. Briderall learns this lesson the night Caleb is taken.

[There’s only a little whump in this, but it’s high quality whump, and the rest of the fic is so fucking good honestly. I adore terrifying unknowable eldritch creatures that dote on humans so...]

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“Oversharing” by Verity_Kindle [Caleb/Fjord; 7k]

When a spell goes wrong, the group tries to deal with the fallout. Fjord’s biggest concern is for Caleb’s well-being, while Caleb’s is...complicated.

Otherwise titled, Why Magic and Secrets Don’t Mix: The Autobiography of Caleb Widogast.

[Old and now jossed, but I still love it - accidental / uncontrollable telepathy is such a good fic conceit, and this one has it in spades. Somewhat au since this was written with the first few eps of the new campaign, iirc, but I adore it nonetheless.]

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“More Than This” by CatKing_Catkin (@pangurbanthewhite) [Gen; spoilers; 22k]

The Empire got a lot more unfriendly towards “unauthorized” mages, after the attack. Molly hadn’t even been aware that “unauthorized” mages were a thing beforehand, but suddenly they were. That was just the way things worked in the Empire, now more than ever, and it was one more thing The Mighty Nein had to roll with.

(Or, post Episode 12, the Mighty Nein get in trouble with the law by virtue of being a group containing a goblin, two tieflings, and a couple of mages. Caleb pulls off some heroics to let them get away, and by the time they find him again he's been hit with the Feeblemind spell as punishment. Rather fumbling attempts at coping ensue while the rest of the group tries to fix things.)

[I honestly can’t remember a Huge amount about this, but I remember it being angsty and kind and gentle, and I remember loving it. It’s also written by CatKing, and I love All their stuff, so that’s a point in its favour. Plus, feeblemind has such good angst and h/c potential tbh.]

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“This is Not an Asphyxiation Kink” by Catzgirl (@fenesvir) [Caleb/Fjord; 3.5k]

Caleb is hiding some secrets from the gang, and they come back to haunt him at the very worst of times. Fjord is there to catch him.

[Hey remember when we were all convinced that Caleb had been waterboarded / drowned at some point, and was terrified of water? That was a good time tbh.]

and, from the same series, “The Leaving of Caleb Widogast” [Caleb/Fjord; 31k]

When there's no way out, Caleb makes his own.

[This is… honestly, very fucking good, and gripped me the whole way through. A beautiful mix of Caleb’s PoV and the panic of the others trying to find him, engaging all the way through to the climax.]

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“the sea, take us back” by vannral (@vannral) [Caleb/Fjord; 9k]

The sea says: You are not welcome here. This place is not for you.

Caleb Widogast fights with everything he has to get back what was once ripped from him.

[A fun twist on the “Caleb is a werewolf” theory that everyone had at one point. Or, well. Not so fun for Caleb, but fun for the whump fans. Very intense and dramatic, very satisfying ending.]

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“confession / absolution” by duckbunny (@duckbunny) [Caleb/Molly; spoilers; 8k]

Molly risks a glance over his shoulder – Caleb is a private kind of man, he won’t want to be stared at – and sees eyes so wide that Molly might have been ten foot of venom and claws. “No,” he says, slowly, “I don’t think you want to be alone. What’s up?"

[More emotional h/c and angst than whump, technically, but a favourite so I’m including it anyways. Also has some really nice smut as an added bonus, which is always fun.]

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“[untitled]” by words-writ-in-starlight (@words-writ-in-starlight) [Caleb/Molly; 3k]

viciousmaukeries asked: Molly/Caleb, both of them injured, waking up beside each other. hell, maybe there's even a cave-in somewhere in there?

[Both Caleb and Molly whump, my favourite combination!]

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“Suggestion” by pok3d3x (@tamiyos-pokedex) [Gen; maybe spoilers?; 6k]

In a world where mind altering magic is cheap, it's unwise to drink alone. The Mighty Nein step in to protect Caleb a little late.

[Caleb gets magic-roofied, and the team closes ranks to protect him and deal with the emotional fallout. Very intense and at times upsetting, but a delightful, emotional read.]

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“Everything’s Coming Up Flowers” by thismagichour (@calebwidogasts) [Caleb/Fjord; 5k]

The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from unrequited love, where the victim coughs up flower petals until the love is requited, or death.

Caleb loves Fjord, to the point that it's literally killing him.

[I’m always a slut for the Hanahaki disease trope, which is a cross between soulmates and whump in the best way. Also, this list is uhh… super Widomauk-heavy, so it’s nice to have a wee bit of variation.]

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“till the last flower” by vannral (@vannral) [Caleb/Fjord; 8k]

The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient coughs up flower petals. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.

Caleb Widogast is heartbroken and very tired.

[Hey look, I did say I’m a slut for this trope…]

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“swallow up the flame like me” by words-writ-in-starlight (@words-writ-in-starlight) [Gen; major spoilers; 8k]

It has been nine days since Fjord, Jester, and Yasha disappeared in silence and left nothing behind them but blood and scuffed grass. When the rest of the Mighty Nein manages to capture someone who might have information, Caleb decides it's time to take things into his own hands and convinces Beau to let him.

[Not… technically whump but it’s such a nice, angsty, awful emotional portrait that I can’t help but include it…]

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“a country far away as health” by LoosePilgrim [Gen; major spoilers; 2.6k]

In the fall of a certain year, in the north of a certain kingdom, a man took a body to a box and laid the body inside. He walked away from the body, and the body stayed there for many years.

When the body had been a boy (a man; a boy) it had had a good memory.

The body in the box had a good memory too. Here is what the body remembers:

[Kinda experimental and very weird - ymmv on whether it counts as whump, technically speaking - but, as with all the other kid-of-whump things on here, I love it, so. It’s staying.]

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“be gone” by mnemememory [Gen; maybe spoilers?; 3k]

Beau has had this conversation before, in a different place, with a different man.

(or; beau walks out of a cupboard, and can't seem to find her way back)

[I’m… legit unsure if this should be on here, but it’s gorgeously written, and grindingly dark and unhappy, so I think it’s earned its place.]

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“Disguise Self” by Agrotera (@agrotera-ilisos) [Caleb/Molly; maybe spoilers?; 10k]

“Even huddled beneath a cold, driving rain, Zadash was a brilliant city. It wasn’t substantially larger than the other cities Molly had visited when he was with the circus, nor was it especially more beautiful. The people certainly weren’t kinder. It stank of mud and horse dung, and the rain only helped to make the smell all the more oppressive. But there were little carts that lined the main avenues, and the proprietors of those little carts would sell you a bladder of still-hot mulled wine and an armful of cardamom and pistachio pastries for two silver coins and a smile.

All things considered—the gnolls, the fool bandits, the gods-be-twice-fucked weather—Molly couldn’t complain.”

It's their first night in Zadash, and Molly needs to get away. Caleb, unsure of Molly's motives, follows him.

[Less whump and more a character portrait with hints of past whump and trauma, with a copious helping of smut, but I love it, it’s on here, deal with it etc. etc. Honestly, I spent the whole time reading this sighing dreamily with delight at the perfect mix of sexy and Concerning, so like. You know it’s gotta be good.]

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“A puzzled love of the light” by ottertrashpalace [Caleb/Molly; spoilers; 16k WIP]

Molly, possibly the most flamboyant queer individual ever to exist, wound up saving the life of a homophobic Christian picketer. It's not the weirdest thing that's ever happened to him, but suffice to say that it has long-ranging consequences he did not expect.

[Ymmv on the fic’s conceit (I personally enjoy it tbh), but it’s an enjoyable read with plenty of angst and emotional catharsis, and hints of more to come later...]

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“a lighter in his pocket / a matchbook in his socks” by ScreechTheMighty  (@screechthemighty) [Gen; major spoilers; 11k]

‘and a block full of charred skeletons / closeted, begging to get out’

The ghosts of your past catch up to you eventually. Sometimes, they bring more than just the memories with them.

[Again, unsure if this… technically counts as whump, but there’s enough miserable, stressed, panicking Caleb that I’m going to count it, honestly.]

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“the echo valley” by vandenburg (@momlymauk) [Caleb/Molly; spoilers; 5k]

Sick from the incessant raining on their way to Shady Creek Run after a job well-done in the Labenda Swamp, Caleb receives some comfort – from Kiri.

[Sickfic!! Sickfic!! Sickfic!!! Also, Kiri being adorable, as an added bonus.]

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“Snow Rise” by AiraKay [Gen; 1k]

Injured and alone, Caleb Widogast takes a moment to contemplate the falling snow and his place in the world.

[Somewhere between character study and whump, but very lovely.]

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“Check the Cards” by Catzgirl (@fenesvir) [Caleb/Molly; 3k]

Molly ignores his foresight and everyone suffers for it.

[More from Molly’s PoV as Caleb gets injured, but it’s still a nice fic - very well-written and I love the way the author weaves Molly’s tarot cards into the narrative.]

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“sunset” by aviators (@farfel) [Caleb/Molly; 3.5k]

Caleb brings a trembling hand up, cupping Molly’s cheek and pressing his thumb to his lips, wetting them with his own blood. “Hush, Mollymauk.”

“No. No,” Molly gasps out, hand meeting Caleb’s and grasping around it until both their knuckles turn white. “You’ve never known me to stop speaking my mind when I’m set on it. I’m not about to stop now, even for you.”

[Dreamy sighs about this fic tbh. Lovely Caleb whump, lovely Molly angst, long and difficult recovery, character introspection… hhh.]

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“Scorched Bonds” by Akiko_Natsuko [Caleb/Molly; maybe spoilers?; 8k WIP]

“No!” It comes out as a strangled shout, his chest heaving and breaths coming in frantic pants. Too close, he had come so close to surrendering to the charm and if he had…the flames are roaring in his chest now, reminding him of what he can do, what those whispered words could have made him do.'

When a fight goes wrong and magic ensnares the rest of the Nein, Caleb is left alone, facing his friends… his family… and he's forced to make a choice.

[A lovely mix of whump and angst, with the “having to fight your friends” trope, and some aftercare as an added bonus.]

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“Little Monster” by Lesetoilesfous (@lesetoilesfous) [Gen; 21k]

Nott hasn't been in prison for very long when she gets a cellmate, a human called Caleb.

This story follows the development of an unlikely friendship, and the way it saves two people who'd long since decided to give up on the world.

Or: prison is not the first place Nott imagined she'd find a family, but she isn't complaining.

[A Nott and Caleb meeting fic, with assorted whump and angst and getting out of prison shenanigans. Good, clean straight-up torture for both of them tbh.]

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“My Friend Filthy” by 99BottlesOfBeerOnTheWall [Gen; maybe spoilers?; 21k]

Nott is a goblin with no friends, and nowhere to go. Caleb is a human with no family, and no hope left. They don’t expect each other, but Caleb is empty, and Nott needs something to care for. So they work with the broken pieces.

Together is better.

[Another, slightly longer variation on the above theme - I just love All the ‘Caleb’s in jail and miserable and barely a human’ fics. This one plays especially hard on the ‘barely a human’ bit, which is delightful.]

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“twisting the kaleidoscope behind both my eyes” by confines  (@wholeneinyards) [Gen; maybe mild spoilers?; 5k]

Nott and Caleb meet in jail. They escape together and then they survive together.

[A nice whumpy, angsty backstory elaboration piece.]

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“The Courage and The Fall” by mollymauks [Caleb/Molly; 4k]

Prompt: “Shivering long after everyone else has stopped.” After ending up fighting a battle submerged in a frozen lake, the Mighty Nein strip off in their camp to dry out and warm up. All but one. Content warning: this fic deals quite a lot with scars, if that’s not your cup of tea, maybe avoid.

Teaser: “I’m going to stop you freezing to death, you idiot,” he said simply, hand still extended. Caleb still didn’t move. “Trust me,” Molly murmured, his words only for the darkness and the wizard staring up at him, the firelight glinting on his pale eyes making them look strangely opaque and ghostly. “I should think I’d proved myself quite adept at keeping you alive after all this time.”

Caleb stared at him for another long, thundering heartbeat, then he let a soft laugh huff past his lips. He reached up and grabbed Molly’s forearm, letting him pull him to his feet.

[What kind of whump rec list would this be if I didn’t have a “cuddling for warmth” fic on here…? A terrible one, that’s what.]

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“Süss” by drekkeri (@tragedyboycentral) [Caleb/Molly; 3k]

Caleb was pretty sure he was dead. It was the only logical explanation.

He was drenched in sweat, trembling, and the mere act of thinking for more than two seconds took more effort than he could manage. As he tried to get out of bed he grabbed onto the wall, holding his head as he saw spots of back.

Yeah, he was definitely dead.

[A lovely fic involving diabetic!Caleb’s blood sugar dropping too low and his friends having to work out what’s wrong and help him. Whumpy, plenty of the ‘panicked confused friends’ trope, and with a happy, fluffy ending.]

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“A Lovely Man” by Justanotherfangirl [Caleb/Molly; 1.5k]

Caleb gets injured, and Molly can’t keep his feelings for him a secret any longer.

[Whump, love confessions, bleeding out…? What more could you want from a fic.]

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“Me for You” by MeBeShe (@matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll) [Caleb/Molly; 5k]

Caleb gets badly wounded when a mission goes awry. Molly uses his Bloodhunter powers to heal him, despite Caleb's protesting.

[Another excellent whumpy character study thing, short and sweet but delightful, fluffy schmoop for an ending.]

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“Another Part of Surviving” by notsoappropro [Caleb/various; 1.5k]

He doesn’t anticipate it, the first time. He’s head to toe in filth, having slept under trees and in city alleyways for an uncountable number of days on Nott and his neverending escape. The grime under Caleb's fingernails is aggressively visible in a clean store he clearly cannot afford to be in as he counts his silver. He only has four, it’s all they have between the two of them, and it’s many coins short for the medicine they need.

[A kinkmeme fill technically, but angsty enough to be included here, just about. A series of vignettes on the times Caleb is forced to prostitute himself.]

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“Hot and Cold” by Emberforge [Gen; 3k]

It was all going well, until it wasn't.

[Caleb gets poisoned, and the team deal with it; mild whump, plenty of aftercare and worrying. Short and sweet.]

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“What Friends Are For” by Justanotherfangirl [Gen; maybe spoilers?; 8k]

It’s been a long time since Caleb had any friends, since he had deserved to have any friends. But with the Mighty Nein, he found himself caring almost in spite of himself. And the Mighty Nein might just care about him too.

[A lovely collection of drabbles exploring Caleb’s relationship with the other members of the Nein, through the medium of whump and comfort/care.]

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“Here with You” by Akiko_Natsuko [Caleb/Molly; 1.7k]

It was a terrible plan from the start, but it was the only one they had. Fortunately Molly and Caleb were together, and that might just be enough in the face of a situation that brings the past pressing in on them.

[Less physical whump and more delicious descriptions of panic and misery, which imho count as whump / give me the same whump feels as physical whump does. Also, Caleb locked in a cell!]

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“Dominate Person is Never Really A Good Time” by sterphfy [Gen; 4.5k]

The title kind of sums it up. Some angst, some implied Molly/Caleb, but painfully little physical contact. probably done, but may write a companion later.

[More fun with mind control and hurting friends! I’m predictable in the tropes I like.]

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“bruises and comfort” by vannral (@vannral) [Caleb/Fjord; 643]

After a random battle, Caleb's less than fine and Fjord's there, helping.

[Pretty much exactly what it says on the tin - Caleb’s hurt, Fjord looks after him and comfort him. Short, satisfying, sweet.]

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“Hidden and New” by Avorna [Caleb/Nott; 3k]

Fighting a horde illithid is well above their job description.

In the midst of battle, Caleb is caught by a desperate illithid and it decides to play with his more well kept memories.

[On here primarily for the first half, where Caleb nearly gets his brain eaten, and gets thoughts and memories he wants to keep secret broadcast to the MN - which is always a good time.]

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“Storm After the Calm” by UzbekistanRules [Gen; major spoilers; 1.5k]

Caleb deserves nothing. Or... so he thinks.

[More self-loathing and emotional h/c than whump, but some nice mentions of past whump and tbh panic attacks probably count as whump? The aftercare in this is also very lovely.]

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“What Was, What Is” by lostsometime [Gen; mild spoilers; 1k]

Caleb would have been able to stop himself from causing collateral damage with his spells, once. He can't now.

[Again, more angst than whump; again, I like it enough to include it here, and also panic attacks / dissociation totally do count as whump in some circumstances tbh.]

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“Fever Dream” by Chaya (@fieldbears) [Gen; major spoilers; 245]

Someone asked for either Caleb or Molly to be delirious with fever. This is probably the least creatively titled thing I have put up in a while, but at least there's plenty of angst?

[Honourable mention, as it’s a very short little drabble - but what there is of it is delicious, so I couldn’t leave it off.]

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“Feeblemind” by Chaya (@fieldbears) [Caleb/Molly; spoilers; 13k WIP]

There are some ugly spells out there. Sometimes you just have to do your best to get through it.

[Fun times with the feeblemind spell, and then the emotional fallout from that for the whole group. Bonus Molly angst too, which is always nice! May or may not have been abandoned, but what’s there is somewhat complete in and of itself, so...]

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“Under His Gaze” by EllenofX [Gen; maybe spoilers?; 4k WIP]

Caleb is a smart man. It is a fact that he is more cautious of now, with how far astray it once led him, but one that is undeniable. So, when a stranger wakes them in the dead of night, it does not take him long to figure out that he and his companions are being toyed with. That they have been toyed with for quite a while, now.

[Another ‘is it abandoned?’ fic - essentially a variation on the theme of ‘Travelling Hearts’ recced above. First chapter seems pretty whumpy though, so fingers crossed it continues!]

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“Our Early Days Are Always With Us” by sandssavvy (@sandssavvy) [Gen; major spoilers; 8k WIP]

Sometimes the past won't let you rest.

After a run in with Trent, Caleb isn't sure he will ever find rest again.

[Again, unsure if this has been abandoned?? It’s not terribly whumpy as-is, mostly angst, but if it’s not on permanent hiatus then it should get whumpy…]

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Lastly (and shamelessly), I’m gonna plug my own writing here. The only whumpy fic I’ve written for Caleb is “lesser of two evils” [Gen; 2.4k]:

Caleb’s running a fever by the time the rest of the Mighty Nein find him.

He was expecting that much – he’s done this before, after all, knows that it’s a bad idea and will not go well in the long run. However, bleeding out in the middle of a forest is also not a good idea, and will also not go well in the long run. The difference is that bleeding out in the middle of a forest will go exceptionally poorly in the short run, so it’s a lesser-of-two evils sort of thing. He’s well-versed in Faustian bargains, made both unwittingly and otherwise. It’s fine.

(In which Caleb gets separated from the rest of the group, and then injured, and then some rather ill-advised DIY field medicine involving fire. The rest of the Mighty Nein are left to pick up the pieces when they find him.)

However, I’ve got other whumpy tidbits and headcanons under my general #critrole 2.0 tag (though my blog / that tag frequently contain nsfw or triggering material, as a heads-up).