#'... i don't feel very comfortable just standing here. um. exposed. with the lights on.'

[vermillioncrown]

Wwx would want in on the dick discussion right up until the actual discussion started at which point he would wimp out

this specific instance would be in alternate universe-ity, because in normal oblivious university or RT au wwx would be trying to cicada block zyx into confronting her fears of death by dick

also lwj is feeling really hurt. wwx can't believe he has to be the emotionally mature one for once.

=

(you know, if ot3 is dbd endgame, if it doesn't happen like the dream i wrote about, i have a version of the get together that's just as stupid as modern aus and very spicy)

(it also stems from trying to avoid being dicked to death)

=

at this point wwx and zyx resolve their friendship differences

lwj and zyx have started over clean

now it's just lxc and zyx that have to renegotiate their possible relationship

at the same time wwx and lwj are getting together

as well as the scum villain boys, but that's not zyx's business

"haha c'mon, you can consider us like sibling-in-laws!"

zhu yunxun's face remains disdainful. unimpressed. "who's marrying anyone?"

wei wuxian laughs. "aw, yunxun, don't talk like that - you'll break lan-dada's heart. especially since you keep hanging around those other guys. so secretive, so dubious, so -"

her hand reaches out to palm wei wuxian in the mid-face. it stings his nose.

"ow! i think i feel a nosebleed!"

"i'm paying you back, for some other life. probably."

one hand out to hold him at bay, the other hand and attention on her phone. she's texting someone intermittently.

"you know, lan wangji said he was staying in town for the long weekend. and that he was expected at his uncle's place... only for saturday."

zhu yunxun can be oblivious, but she isn't completely stupid. the implication is there. both lan brothers only had familial obligations for a day. the rest was to spend at their own discretion. with complete privacy.

she freezes mid-step. then both hands are pulled in to frantically text on her phone.

"you keep messaging like that, i'll really start to think you're cheating on -"

"- quiet. how can i cheat on someone i'm not even dating?!"

wei wuxian manages to catch a glimpse of the chat she's in.

[🤡🤡🤡]

sqh> shit mbj is staying in town too

sy> hahaha i have a family thing

shit okay okay okay alright <

we... we have a group project <

sqh> xunjie it's not gonna cut it

ok we need to meet up <

rules of engagement <

survival strategies <

sqh> i'll grab The Document

sy> have fun dying via dick you two

your ass is next bitch <

"what's The Document?" wei wuxian blurts, the strangeness of the conversation compelling him.

"fuck!" zhu yunxun launches her phone into the air. sheer luck, she manages to grab it before it hit the ground. "nosy bitch, didn't anyone teach you not to read other people's shit?!"

"you're nosy," he feels very affronted by the accusation.

"i ask and people decide to tell," she says with scorn. "don't worry about the document."

"now i need to know. also, you kiss and tell?"

zhu yunxun stops walking entirely and rounds onto him. "are you judging? you? mr. 'oooo~ lan-er-gege sucked me or he stripped or he touched me and i jizzed in my pants, ooo~'?"

"i don't sound like that! and - don't make lan wangji - we haven't -" oh, she almost distracted him, what a devious little bitch. "no, nope. you're not tricking me. what's The Document?"

her expression changes, from the scornful mocking of before to placid. and then a small innocuous smile.

"hm. why not. why shouldn't you read The Document?" he doesn't like her tone. "you and i are such great friends now, aren't we?"

and yeah, maybe people were right when they said that he didn't have a great survival instinct. it explains why he follows zhu yunxun back onto campus. she leads them to the library, which was innocent enough. they take the stairs instead of the elevator, which becomes less innocent for her lazy norm.

they go through the annex section. and then past that.

one of her friends, shang qinghua, jumps out from behind a dark bookshelf. he ducks under the reflexive swing of zhu yunxun's fist.

"hi to you too!" he looks over at wei wuxian. for as unassuming as shang qinghua normally was, the way he looks at wei wuxian now makes him feel assessed. in a non-sexy way.

he feels naked. also in a non-sexy way.

"hm. doing charity work now?" shang qinghua quips at zhu yunxun.

zhu yunxun rolls her eyes, before heading deeper between the bookshelves. "i like trainwrecks as much as the next guy, but i'm not cruel."

she returns with a dusty, opaque report folder. wei wuxian can see that while it's dusty, that was a product of its environment. the folder itself looks otherwise new.

he looks around. no cameras. no librarian. no patrons. "look. i didn't think it was this serious. yunxun, you're..." he looks at her, "you're not doing something illegal, are you?"

"incarceration is inconvenient. why would i chance it?" she beckons them to a table, placed out of the way.

"it's very important, very cursed information," shang qinghua thankfully explains, but it explains nothing at all. "none of us can be caught with it in our possession."

"that sounds like it's illegal."

zhu yunxun has the document flipped open. at first, wei wuxian wants to laugh. surely -

oh. it's not porn. not even strange porn. not weird, fetishistic inflation porn, which would warrant hiding it (but hiding it in the university library? a print version???)

"give your best estimate," she demands, pointing to a page of sketched penis diagrams. there are scale comparisons to household objects. "the next page has it with respect to overall human body stature."

"i -" he blinks. "i don't think we're that close, yunxun -"

"i don't care about your dick, bitch," zhu yunxun impatiently interjects. "lan wangji's dick. point it out. this will save your life."

[bergandysam]

’*•.¸♡ 𝗖𝗘𝗢! 𝗗𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺 ♡¸.•*‘

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I wrote this over the course of a couple days. Very sleep deprived on some of the said days. sorry if it doesn't make sense!

Let me know if there should be anything else in the content warning. Or correct me if i'm wrong :))

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Gender-Neutral reader! Word count: 3.1k CW: Mention of unsupportive parents, insinuation of a bad ex, embarrassment, anxiety, cussing (Once)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

It's fine. You're fine. Stop worrying. You've got this.

You're attractive, smart, and confident, and.. And.. fuck.

I'm gonna butcher this. It was only basically a life changing moment. If I got this job I could finally prove to my family and my ex my roommate that the 4 years at college was worth it. The endless nights… studying. God, I don't miss it. According to my parents, a computer science degree was a

“waste of your time! You could be studying liberal arts! Getting an english degree!! Become a teacher! Not some useless.. Computer.. Person. What are you going to do? Spend your life in a dark basement in “I.T.” ridiculous. Get a grip”

They had never supported anything I did that wasn't advised by them. They don't even know the title! “Some.. computer person” Please. Why can't they understand that computers are the future? This IS the future. Coders are more important now than they ever have been before.

My roommate, Karl, has been nothing but supportive. As expected from someone whose whole life is dependent on computers. But, I still feel like I have some point to prove to him. Like if I don't, all of the sleepless nights he spent helping me when I had to cram, comforting me when I got a grade that was less than perfect, forcing me to eat, shower, drink water, and take a break and have a day to myself, was all for nothing. I definitely wouldn’t be here without him.

“Um.. excuse me?” Looking up from my lap where my fidgeting hands had finally come to a stop. The receptionist, or is he a personal assistant? It’s hard to tell. He could be anyone. Whoever he is, he is deathly attractive, but also staring at me impatiently. I couldn’t help but stare back. Taking note of every detail I could find. His downturned brown eyes burning holes into my own as he waited for a response, his seemingly perfect eyebrows knitted together, the freckle on his left cheek which was very faint but noticeable. Which i'm sure if exposed to the sun would darken. Which leads me to his skin. Pale, and white. Almost paper white. I wonder how much he is truly exposed to the sun or if he is just always stuck in this god forsaken office. His cheeks were slightly rosy though. Cute. His lips, although thin, were full, almost. As if he was pouting. They were a pale pink, matching the rosiness of his cheeks. His hair. Gosh his hair. It was so fluffy and dark, it was hard to tell whether it was black or a deep brown in the lighting provided. I just wanted to run my hands through it and feel how soft it truly was. One thing stood out though. One annoying detail that I couldn’t take my eyes off of.

A piece of hair sticking up in the middle of his head. It looked so out of place compared to the cute, fluffy curls of everything else. It was embarrassing how hard it was to hold myself back from walking over to him and fixing it myself.

He coughed.

How long was I staring at him?

Standing up, I brushed myself off. Getting rid of any stray hairs or balls of material that had stuck to me. I took a hesitant step forward towards the man in front of me. He swung his arm out and motioned me to go into the main office. The whole reason I was here.

“He is ready for you. Don’t keep him waiting any longer. He will take your tardiness out on us” He mumbled the last part of his sentence not meaning for me to hear. He turned swiftly on his feet before speed walking back to his desk situated next to the elevator. He was very lanky. The black t-shirt he wore was… Baggy? His pants were black jeans, pairing them with his all black converse. Was I overdressed? Or was he too casual. Panic immediately started to rise within me. But the moment he sat down back at his desk, he looked at me once more sending a glare my way, annoyed I still haven’t made the effort to make my way towards the office.

I nodded at him. Turning slowly to take in the giant double doors in front of me. A bit extreme for a small hallway I think personally. I walked towards them and held the door handle. Do I knock? That'd be polite right? No but he's expecting you, he's aware of your presence so there is no need to. But what if he had gotten a phone call between the time of alerting the man behind the desk and now. But what if he gets annoyed at you for knocking. What if he finds the sound of knock-

Before I could even finish or process my thoughts, the door in front of me flew open. I stumbled slightly as the handle was torn from my grasp. I looked up and. Oh. Holy shit. Attractive was an understatement. The lanky dude behind the desk was attractive. The man in front of me was. God like? No, that would probably feed into his ego. Hot. Hot doesn’t describe it well enough. He was… Alluring. Alluring was the best way I could put it. He was lanky like the assistant (? I still don't know) but he was tall, and slightly bulkier. Broad shoulders, covered by a black dress shirt, that fit him oh too well, and a dark forest green vest. A silver chain was hung around his neck tucked underneath the shirt. It was barely visible, the intent to hide it was obvious. His jaw was- don't get me started. His eyes were an emerald green, matching his vest perfectly. But that was as far as I got before he started talking.

“You’re here for the interview aren't you?” Voice was like butter, it was smooth but had a slight rasp to it as if he hadn’t used it all day. I stared at him for a minute too long before nodding my head and muttering out a quick yes, my eyes meeting my shoes.

He hummed before taking a step back, opening the door wider. Silently asking for me to walk in and take a seat. I took a few steps forward, far enough for him to shut the door and walk around me to sit behind the desk.

His office was beautiful to put it simply. Simple but welcoming. The left wall had bookshelves lining the whole of the wall. The bookshelves wrapped around the wall behind me, only stopping once it reached the door. The back wall, if you could even call it a wall, was a giant window. Looking out upon the city of Orlando. The right wall was lined with computers, which I'll admit was a bit confusing. You'd think in an establishment like this, they would be able to afford a server room instead of keeping it in the bosses office. This room was the biggest liability. As if reading my mind, the gorgeous man sat at the desk in front of me, answered my question.

“We do have a server room. Just to let you know” I turned to look at him, mouth open like a fish. I’d close it if I could. But my body has betrayed me and I can't seem to control any part of me at this moment. He chuckled. God, that was hot.

“I could see the confusion on your face when you were looking at them… Don’t worry they don't hold any sensitive information” He was no longer looking at me, instead highlighting some papers in front of him. I nodded and cleared my throat before walking towards the desk, pulling out one of the chairs and sitting down. He looked up at me through lidded eyes and chuckled again at my hesitancy to sit down. When will he stop doing that. Without a second thought, my mouth had opened and words came tumbling out.

“Genuine question. If you do have a server room, and the computers don't hold any sensitive information,” I pointed at the wall to my right. Which, now thinking about was stupid, what other computers could I possibly be talking about. “Why are they in your office. And how are they surviving the changes of temperature within your office? I wouldn’t say it's particularly cold here. Not how server rooms are meant to be anyways.” He paused, capping his highlighter and putting it down before looking back at me. His hands were clasped together in front of him as he leaned forward.

“I won’t lie. You’re the only person that has ever pointed that out. Besides George of course.” George? Who is George? He looked at the computers, before looking back at me with a smug smile sitting upon his face. “Decoys. To put it simply. I would say they’re for personal use but you seem too smart to fall for that.” His arms left the table before leaning back in his chair. He crossed his arms. And lord do I wish he didn't. I couldn't help but stare at his arms as they pulled against his shirt. “They are real computers, yes, just before you question me about the blinking lights..” He paused and took a deep breath in. Contemplating what his next words would be. “... Why do YOU think I may have decoys displayed in my office?” he questioned me, the smug smile returning to rest on his face. I raised my eyebrows in shock, I knew this was an interview but I wasn’t expecting a question like this.

I shifted in my seat, before clearing my throat again. I looked down at my hands and started fidgeting with my fingers.

“Um. I mean one would assume the reason why anyone would have a decoy of.. Well anything. Would be to trick someone else into thinking that it was something that had importance.. And/or meaning. “ I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts. I looked up. He no longer held a smug smile, nor did he have his arms crossed. But, his hands rested on his thighs and he held my gaze, silently urging me to continue talking. He was truly intrigued by what I had to say over such a simple question. I looked away back towards the computers. It was hard to keep eye contact when his eyes were so mesmerising. “In this case, the information stored within the computers in the server room are sensitive and are at risk of being exposed to people who don't need said information. So, decoys are displayed in your office, to trick anyone who comes through, to believe you were idiotic enough to keep your servers out in the open for anyone to access.” I was going to continue but thought against my better judgement. I looked back at the man at the desk. Instead of being serious, as he was mere moments beforehand. He looked… amused? My eyes widened as I realised what I had just said.

“Not- no uh- not that i was calling you idiotic sir! I was just uh… it was more an.. Um. example? Of what others may think? Not that i think people think you're idiotic!-” he had cut me off when he started to laugh.

Oh my god. I just called my possible future boss idiotic and he started laughing at me. I cowered in my seat, sinking lower. This was the most embarrassing thing to happen all day.

Tears were pricking the corner of his eyes as he continued to laugh. Once he opened them and saw how embarrassed I had become. He started to calm down. I straightened the way I was sitting, fidgeting with my hands once again.

He cleared his throat and sat up straighter himself. Hands crossed, he leaned against the desk once again.

“I would like to apologise for laughing at you. Truly. It had just… caught me off guard. I haven't laughed like that in weeks.” A soft smile sat upon his face staring at me with glossy eyes, still teary from his burst of laughter. “Other than your comment about idiocy. You were spot on. You’re right when you say that they’re there to trick people into thinking that they hold sensitive information. Although it seems obvious to people like you and George, many fall for it. I can't explain how many people we have caught tampering with the computers here at 2 am.” He ran a hand through his sandy hair as he huffed. Obviously annoyed with the thought of how many people had tried to take him down. He brought up George again. Who is George?

“I do have another quick question..” He looked away from the computers and back at me. Nodding his head slightly to indicate he was willing to listen to what I had to say.

“You… you keep bringing up someone named George. Who is George? if you don't mind my asking” I spoke quietly and nervously. If he did end up hiring me. I don’t know how I will be able to cope. Maybe I should have missed the interview today. I would be fine with disappointing everyone around me if it meant I wouldn’t have to deal with seeing his face every day.

He smiled upon hearing my question. Almost eager to talk about his best friend.

“George was the man that greeted you outside my door. He’s my best friend and employee.” He continued to smile as the confusion was slowly cleared off of my face. I nodded slowly before looking around the room again awkwardly. A couch sat opposite the bookshelf, a small round table sat next to the couch, a book left open, a corner of the page doggy eared, making me cringe inwardly. Turning back around to the man in front of me, did I only notice how cluttered his desk was. There was a lamp sitting on the corner of the left side of the desk. A monitor sitting opposite on the right side. Papers were scattered across his desk, a multitude of folders towering slightly on a tray sat next to his lamp. Pens and highlighters littered his desk, some without caps. The ones that were capped were very obviously on the wrong pen. The man followed my eyes, soon noticing himself how messy his own desk was.

“Oh my... i'm so sorry i didn’t realise how messy things had become” He quickly picked up all of the papers, stacking them neatly and pushing them to the side. Before scooping up all of the pens and highlighters, capping them correctly and disposing them into a cup that had sat next to his monitor. He looked at me sheepishly, sticking his arm out in front of me. I grabbed his hand and shaked, assuming that is what he was asking of me.

“Clay, my name is Clay. Apologies yet again. This Interview has been somewhat of a disaster.” I shook my head and smiled, retreating my arm and telling him my own name. Clay… that's a really nice name. Genuinely,

He smiled, an amused expression on his face yet again.

“I am aware of your name. It was on your resume and application” A goofy grin was on display. Blush seeped up the back of my neck, settling in the tips of my ears. I was thoroughly embarrassed.

“Oh right.. Sorry. I forgot you had access to that.” I rubbed the back of my neck taking a few deep steady breaths to calm myself down.

“Don’t worry about your desk, by the way. Trust me when I say I have seen worse.” He laughed slightly and shook his head, amused. He stopped abruptly, face turning into a hard expression. Suddenly becoming serious.

“Look uh. We have run out of time for the interview today.” His voice no longer sounded smooth, but was gravelly almost. “You took your time entering my office and kept me waiting.” Oh god. Here it is. He’s going to reject my application. Panic immediately settled in my stomach. It began churning, I felt like I was going to throw up at any second. Why was he suddenly stoic. Did I do something? Was I mucking around? I didn't mean to if I was. I thought I was pretty calm. He took a deep breath in. The anxiety was like a volcano. It felt like it was about to erupt. The shaking being the voices of worry filling my mind, the lava rising being the anxiety attack that was slowly settling in.

“But. Considering you did take notice of the computers, and questioned me about them instead of just ignoring them. And you did answer the one question I did ask you.”

Here it comes. Any moment now. He’ll break the news and tell me to get out.

“I will keep in touch with you” what? “I will let you know if you have gotten the job in around a week's time.” Oh. My. God. The volcano inside slowly started dying. The shaking coming to a stop, the lava settling back down into the pool of my stomach.

He pushed the chair back from his desk and stood up walking towards the door. I followed suit, not wanting to keep him waiting any longer than I already had. When I had reached him he stuck his hand out waiting for me to shake it once again. I gripped his hand firmly and shook. Feeling more confident now than I had all day.

“Thank you for taking time out of your day to interview me sir. Even if it wasn’t the interview either of us were hoping for.” He nodded, smiling slightly at my words, the smile didn't last long before it returned to the position it was previously in. He reached to open the door, stepping back in the process to make room for me to leave.

“Of course. Until next time. We’ll keep in touch.” He responded bluntly, looking at me once more before shutting the door the moment I left the office. What the fuck kind of interview was that? I looked around the room, my eyes settling on the man I now know as George. He rolled his eyes before nodding his head at me. I nodded back, swallowing the bump that had found its way into my throat. Making my way to the elevator I thought about everything that had happened today. Only one detail sticking out more than the others.

How attractive Clay was.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I'm not the best at writing and contemplated uploading this, so I hope you enjoyed whatever it was lol. - Birdy

[idjitlili]

The Goblin king...the one without warts.

Thorin x reader.

(Not my image.)

Summary:Imagine being apart of the company, of course Gandalf shoves you in with no choice. Growing close to Thorin eventually, after stopping at an inn.

A/n:Anon request includes ,but I won't spoil it. I do not own any characters.

Word count:4682

Characters:Y/n, the company, humans, elves, and David Bowie as Jareth.

Songs:ziggy stardust, as the world falls down.

Warnings: Alcohol, just ale. Uh mentions of jareths pants , and reference to a jareths 'magic'

It's only forever, it's not long at all. Only if we have forever, but we all die. We are not elves, we are not Morgan Freeman. Unless, you aren't telling me something?

Thus, you must take risks; to live the life you want to. The reason that you finally agreed to go an adventure, via Gandalf's request. Not that the leader of the group, that you'd be joining on this adventure,  did not like the fact that a hobbit was joining , let alone alone you, a human, female. Not impressed to say the least.

You had just ignored the tree trunks insults, and seeking the company of the small hobbit. Both of you were in the same position, except you could maybe launch Thorin over a cliff. 

Unknowingly Thorin had created a friendships, well between you, Bilbo, Fili and Kili. After you and Bilbo had decided to mock Thorin in secret.

"Wait, wait, I've got one." Standing up placing one leg on the log, hands on hips, head up , shaking you head slowly as if the wind was blowing it. "How's my hair?" Mocking Thorins low voice, looking at Bilbo who had stopped giggling, moving his eyes crazily to gesture behind you.

Turning your head slightly, to see Thorin staring at you. " Can I help you?" Unmistakable using a lower voice than normal, Thorin scrunched his brows together slightly. "What are you up to?" His eyes glazing over your stature, and posture.

"Oh, If you must know, Bilbo has been making sure that my family jewels have not dropped off due to my massive ego, last time he had to stitch them up because I am such a prick. Not that I could produce because I'm like 160." Maintaining eye contact with Thorin, chest fully pressed into the air, basically superhero pose, now off the log.

Thorin did not understand what you were talking about. "Get your things , we are moving on." Bilbo had just covered his mouth facing down, his eyes looking up.

“Do not test me , Y/n, I will throw you off a cliff, as if you was an end of bread. You are not worthy of this journey," Kili and Fili had been sat by, watching the scene unfold, as Thorin just stared at you. Kili walking over to you.

"Uncle!"

"My sisters son," Pulling Kili into a bear hug, him being the little bear, before pushing him off of you. "Get of me, people will think I'm soft, I am pure steel."   You had not even noticed Thorin leaving.

"That was horrible," It really was, could you be anymore cringy? "You annoyed Uncle though, I am surprised he didn't put you into line." Fili didnt speak much, but when he did, it wasn't useless trivia.

"My arms may have no muscle, but does not mean I couldn't carry both Bilbo and Kili to their horses." Okay, maybe you would be able to actually, but it gained the trios attention. "I highly doubt that, y/n"

Bending your knees so that your back was in front of Kili, hands ready to grab his calves. "Y/n, are you sure? I don't want you t-"" we don't have all day, Kili."

" okay, Thorin." You had scoffed, as Kili had managed to get on your back, arms around your neck, legs around your front. "No, no,no not me." Bilbo shook his head furiously, in disagreement , as you gestures for him to get up.  "Bilbo , please." Bilbo had sighed , as Fili watched you then pick up Bilbo, holding him Bridal style.

It was like carrying nothing, it was definitely a lot of weight, yet you still put in a face and walked through camp with them. Even if you couldn't fight, you weren't completely weak.

You had gained the attention of the dwarves, who Kili waved by in excitement , Bilbo just pretend to be dead in embarrassment.  Thorin had caught your eye for a second as you walked by him, lift Bilbo onto his pony, Thorin told you pack, you were packing...Kili had then gotten off your back when you had kneeled down.

But what you didn't know, was that Thorin eyes were on you most of everyday during the the journey, you just happened to be oblivious to the gazes on you. 

If you did catch Thorins gaze, you just thought that he was judging your actions,others picked up on their kings behaviour.  Though they did not tell you, they did tease Thorin. Well only Dwalin , Kili and Fili dared to.  Actually it was Bilbo who noticed first.

It was probably a few days after almost being eaten by trolls, that Thorin had began to develop feelings. At first he had just thought that you were mildly annoying like his nephews, that impression, was terrible. But once you were all captured by trolls...

You had pretended to be dead, the trolls had tossed you aside, and every time they were not looking you would crawl slightly. Tossing you aside for dessert. Thorin had caught this. Pulling faces as at him, as you slowly got closer, Thorin watching for the trolls.

When you had gotten next to Thorin, you had pulled a knife from you pocket , cutting the sack he was in. You had cut through quite a bit of the sack; when Thorin had pulled his hands out lifting you , shoving you into the sack with him, just as Berts eyes had glided over the dwarves.

That was when the trolls had noticed you had disappeared, but you were stuffed into the bottom of Thorins sack. You were too tall for the sack, your legs curled up, back inbetween Thorins legs. "Where is the human?!" The trolls had began to looking around finding no sign of you ,the moved on soon enough.

"Uh...the-the secret to cooking dwarf, is um..." Bilbo had tried to distract the trolls , after seeing Gandalf of course you couldn't see , you could only smell Thorin.

"Uh...not...not that one, he...he's infected!"

"You what?"

"Yeah he's got worms in his...tubes."

"Ooh!"

"In-in fact, they all have. They're infested with parasites, it's a terrible business, I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't."

"Parasites? Did he say parasites?" The dwarves were not the smartest bunch to say the least.

"Yeah, we don't have parasites! You have parasites!"

Thorin had realised that Bilbo is trying to buy them time and kicks Kili, but ends up smacking you with his calf, making you groan , only for Thorin to gently squeeze your shoulder, the trolls had been too busy listening to dwarves , that they never heard your quiet groan.

Gandalf soon had arrived, saving you all as always, the trolls turned to stone. It didn't take long for Bilbo to realise you were missing still. "Where's y/n?"

"I'm over here, Bilbo." You could not get out of the sack neither could Thorin, without someone helping you out. Kili being next to Thorin, had heard your voice, turning to see his uncles, feet looking a bit too pointy. "Where?"

Bilbo had turned in circles in search, Thorin just later there with the most unimpressed face.

"Bilbo, she's over here." Bilbo had hoped over , out of the sack, before opening the sack at the top to allow Thorin could shuffle out. Standing up, Thorin had pulled you up and out by your hand.

"T-thanks, um, your thighs are very comfortable, if I was murderer , I would make them into pillows. Oh, um, thanks , uh," your face flushed pink, noticing how you sounded and that both Bilbo and Kili was right next to you. Sometimes you are ought to think before you speak, a common term taught to children, yet you do not. You had rushed off back to camp, after that.

Tis was a compliment to dwarves for a woman to comment on their thighs or stature.

That was it, Thorin began to notice things about you, you helping Bilbo onto his pony when he needed help, even if he didn't directly ask. The way you'd slip on mud , even if it was dry, save yourself and look around wide eye if anyone had seen. How your arms got tired as you'd try to plait your hair. Slapping Kili gently on the back of the head if he said something mean about one of the others. Normally Kili picked on Ori's knitting .

Of course, Thorin thought his affections only went one way. You could not deny, the dwarven king was intoxicating, you were highly attracted to him. He was a mean guy, no he was not , he didn't want Bilbo to get killed going in this journey to help him.

You hadn't spoken to Thorin directly really, well until he allowed the company to stop at an

inn for the night, which everyone was happy about. The Dwarves were mostly excited for ale. You just hoped they had a deep clean...

Luckily they did , and soon everyone was a sat tables in the pub, 3 separate ones, you being stuck next to Thorin ,Bilbo next to you, Bofur next to him,Kili and Fili so on. Next came the ale, being pushed in front of you all.

Bilbo asked for a tea, but Bofur wouldn't have it, so there sat Dildo sipping at the pint of ale. Whilst everyone drank down theres soon enough, you just drinking it , because you was shoved against Thorin. After your fourth ale that's when you heard it.

A noise like a hurricane , the soaring winds of the mans pipes opened.

"Oh

Oh, yeah

Ziggy played guitar

Jamming good with Weird and Gilly

And the Spiders from Mirkwood

He played it left hand

But made it too far

Became the special man" Looking over to the small stage, a skinny man, with a huge blond Mohawk stood, his bare chest exposed showing a large pendant on his lower chest.

"Then we were Ziggy's band

Ziggy really sang

Screwed-up eyes and screwed-down hairdo

Like some cat from Japan

He could lick 'em by smiling

He could leave 'em to hang" Your breath hitched, as your eyes travelled down to his pants, he wore a legging type pants, showing off everything

"They came on so loaded, man

Well-hung and snow-white tan

So where were the spiders

While the fly tried to break our bones?

With just the beer light to guide us

So we bitched about his fans

And should we crush his sweet hands?" The dwarves and hobbit noticed your change, following your eyes to the man on stage.

"Do you know him?" Fili had snapped you out of your trance quickly, "o-oh, um, I haven't seen him for a long time."

"Who is he, lass?" Thorin said nothing just stared back between you and the man, as you kept glancing at him. Bofur had waited for your reply, calling over more ales. "my best friend ." That was the truth, not that anyone knew but you had wished yourself away to the goblins, thus a friendship bloomed.

Growing up you didn't have many friends, you still don't , Jareth was always there for you, you didn't want to out him being a fae.

"He was the nazz

With God-given ass

He took it all too far."

That's when he caught your eye, sending you a wink before continuing to sing with ease.

Half an hour later, you were starting to feel a little more free, after more ale, leaning onto Thorin for support.

"There's such a sad love

Deep in your eyes a kind of pale jewel

Open and closed." Jareth had started his 15 song of the evening, you had jumped up, well start up. "Thorin! Come on, let's dance." You had pushed him slightly. "Why?"

"Just come on, 'deep in your eyes a kind a pale eye,' that's you so you must dance with me, please." Thorin had finally had budged , standing up, his eyes were gems indeed. You had grabbed onto Thorins hand pulling him onto the cleared floor. You didn't know how to dance not really, but it was the heat of the moment. Well actually you had danced with Jareth during his masquerade.

"Within your eyes

There's such a fooled heart

Beatin' so fast." Placing one hand onto Thorins shoulder, the other into his hand, you could only hope you weren't making a fool of yourself. Jareth did like to be generous.

"In search of new dreams

A love that will last

Within your heart

I'll place the moon."

Looking into Thorins , bright eyes, which stared back into yours, you followed suit with steps , you hadn't realised that Jareth had changed your clothes into a white gown and sorted your hair, but the others and Thorin noticed. Following Thorins eyes down to your clothing you had get let out a snort.

"Within your heart

As the pain sweeps through

Makes no sense for you

Every thrill is gone" The dwarves hadn't seen Thorin dance since he was a prince, yet there he was with you dancing. Your eyes never leaving Thorins, as you danced in sync, turning together in a circular motion.

"I cannot wait for you to see Erebor." Thorin voice was quiet not to interrupt the music. You had grinned in confusion. "I thought you didn't want me on this quest? Why would you want me to see Erebor?"

"Wasn't too much fun at all

But I'll be there for you-ou-ou."

"So that you can attend a proper ball." You had smirked at the King, who just smiled at you.

"Well, you have got plenty of time to tell me all about Erebor, on this journey, that is if you speak to me after this."

"As the world falls down

Falling."

"As you wish." Thus you both just went back to just dancing smiling a little more now.

"As the world falls down

Falling

Falling in love." Though there was a room full of people surrounding you, it felt as if you were in your own world.  Your own crystal...

"I'll paint you mornings of gold

I'll spin you Valentine evenings though we're strangers 'til now

We're choosing the path

Between the stars." You could only hope that everyone would make it to Erebor...

"I'll leave my love

Between the stars

As the pain sweeps through

Makes no sense for you

Every thrill is gone

Wasn't too much fun at all

But I'll be there for you-ou-ou

As the world falls down" As the song finished, you had pressed a kiss to Thorins cheek, Jareth was having a break, you had let go of Thorin, telling him you'd be right back.

Still in your puffy gown, you had made your way over to Jareth standing at the bar with a glass of what could only be described as some sort of rose fancy drink, fit for a fae king. Jareth had placed the glass onto the side, holding his arms out for you.

Jumping into his arms, spinning you around, legs up , before placing you back onto the floor. "Jareth, I missed you." Jareth grinned back you showing his teeth , "as have I missed you, so you and the dwarven king?" Jareth had looked passed to you to Thorin, you looking back too to see Thorin glaring.

"Uh, I dont know, did you know we was going to be here?" Jareth had grinned larger, confirming his answer. "Come meet my friends quickly." You had grabbed Jareth by his hand leading him to your table.

The dwarves and the hobbit had looked up from their conversations, mostly with smiles. "Uh, guys , this is my best friend , Jareth, Jareth this is Bofur, Fili,Kili,Thorin and Bilbo." You had gave Jareth a side hug, he had clicked his fingers and you were in your regular clothes. " 'ello," Thorin had looked Jareth over as you squashed next to Thorin ,with Jareth next to you.

"So, what are you?" Kili bluntly asked,staring at Jareth in interest. "He's the g-ubli- king." Jareth had silenced you for a second blurring the word Goblin. "I'm sorry , what?" Bilbo Baggins was always intrigued by others, especially if you looked like Jareth. "He is a king."

"Of what."

"Now that , Bofur, is for you to figure out." Jareth was indeed a confusing, mysterious man, he seemed to have sobered the dwarves up.

"How did you do that with the dress?"

"You are a very curious lot , aren't you? - "

Jareth could be nasty, you were surprised with his behaviour.

"Well, then how did you meet him , y/n/n?"

" she wished to be taken."

"...Y-you are th-" Bilbo knew he had heard of the man he had heard sing, his books had had came in use. But again Jareth had cut Bilbo off, he knew what Dwarves were like.

"Clever hobbit."

Now, my love, if you need me you know what to do." Jareth had turned to you , pulling you into a hug, looking at Thorin, with a devilish grin. Only if you had know what he had put into Thorins head.

Really he just said, "I will turn you into pie for my Goblins, if you hurt my y/n." That was it, he was gone, you had been hugging air for a good second, before turning back to the group of men , who just stared at you.

"Uh? What?"   Bofur, Kili and Fili exchanged looks of agreement.

"You and that strange man, yep, that definitely happened."    The smirk inlaced into Kili's voice, as he stared at ,waiting for a response. You had only scoffed at " I'll call him back, and you ask him, I'm sure you'd him to make you into a pie for his Goblins." In that moment, Thorin had realised that Jareth, wasn't just a thin stick, he clearly had fed someone to his Goblins before, Thorin didn't want to find out if that was true.

Thus, the subject was dropped, and that was it,though the other dwarves wanted to know what just happened, and Gandalf didn't give a shit or already knew.

Well that was it until you had all left Rivendell , clean for now, only to get captured by Goblins.

No way were they anything like the unwanted children, absolutely. Stuck next to Thorin, you stuck out being human, wishing you had stumbled onto the actual Goblin king. Thorin had pulled you down and shielded you from the whips.

You could only wish... but you didn't Gandalf saved you all again.

Back on the road again, until Thorin gets chewed up by a warg, you rushing towards him, as the dwarves fought off the wargs and orcs. Only for the eagles to arrive , seeing an eagle fly at you and Thorin, you had laid careful onto him. The eagle swooping you both up . "Hey Thorin, are you alive? maybe I can use those thighs a scarf sometime?"

Thorin did not wake up, until Gandalf had done some magic shit, him and Bilbo became best friends. 

Then you were all captured...again, by the worst kind of elves. Dumb blonds, no, Thranduil was just a dick. All of you were stripped down to one layer , all but Thorin  and you , were shoved into cells. You was asked the general question, why are you travelling with dwarves, well actually that was it.

You had pretended to faint.  When Thranduil stood over your head to see your face, you had pretended to wake up, punching him right in the dick. "O-oh my I-"

"Take them away!" Thorin was surprised you were not executed on the spot, oh how he tried to hide his laughter, as the elven knelt in agony ,and you were both dragged away. Shoved into a cage today, before the elves stomped away. Of course , Balin asks Thorin what happened, instead of telling him what you had done, he had simply said about him shouting in Khuzdul.

" Hey, are you coming to my execution tomorrow? I wonder if my last words should be 'being an elf there's only one down fall, once you get to Thranduils age, your cock shrivels up ," Thorin had snorted , and that is when he saw it, your hair...looked like radagasts hair ,but without poop and birds.

Thorins eyes had stared too long, it was clear to you, you were just talking to him, of course you'd see him staring. Your hair. Well yes that was embarrassing, a king was literally making fun of your hair by his silent judging.

"You're judging my hair? Did you not see radagasts?" Thorin had snapped out of this stare, realising what he had been doing, a light blush upon his face. "You are right, " that's he had said, and went back to looking at your hair.

Sighing you had sat on the cold stone, let again breaking Thorins stare. "Are you going to do my hair or just stand there?"

"Are you sure?" Accepting his offer Thorin was quickly sat behind you, combing your hair, of course you didn't know about dwarvish customs. You didn't know you had just accepted his courtship,but you had.

It wasn't long before your hair was braided completely , and just as you had stood up Ori had spoken up. Though you didn't here what he had said but you had heard Bilbo. "Not in here your not." A jingle of the keys and you were free, well lead to the cellars while the others questioned Bilbo.

Soon enough well when Thorin had convinced the dwarves to get in the barrels, via Bilbos request, leaving just you and Bilbo out. Until  Thorin had gestured you over, helping you inside the Barrel, but you stuck out more than the others,you wondered why Bilbo didn't get in one with one of the other dwarves. You barely in the barrel when Bilbo had pulled the lever,gripping onto Thorins shoulders as you were both submerged for a spilt second. Thus, you were off , trying to escape the elves , squished against the dwarven king, that you had unknowingly courted.

Kili was shot, and Bombur did some extreme parkour, and boom you had reached land. Soaking, freezing, lucky your hair was all braided back,  thanks Thorin. Stopping to allow Kili's leg to be wrapped up , to prevent further blood loss.

Dwalin had almost give you a heart attack ,as you stood twisting the water out of your clothing.  "Who did you hair ,lass?" He had basically popped up beside you , inspecting your braids , his voice louder and powerful.

Looking at the dwarf, who looked right back waiting for your answer , already knowing the answer.  "Thorin did, why?" Dwalin only hummed before returning to his brother, him surprisingly whispering to his brother, Fili and Kili had looked at each other in disgust.   Even though Kili was supposedly in pain.

"Do that again and you're dead."  Snapping your head up, to the unfamiliar voice..was that orlando bloom? A human, a man with shaggy dark hair, worn out clothes , beautifully structured face. Boom, you had been able to board passage on his barge.

"Why is a woman travelling with 13 dwarves and a hobbit?"  You had coughed, turning around to face Bard, you weren't very sure what you was supposed to say. "Well, um-" " She's travelling with us because she's betrothed to uncle."    Fili had spoken up, saving you from revealing everything, still you had turned to Fili, eyebrows scrunched in confusion, Fili and Kili smirked.

"You are courting a dwarf?" Thorin had scoffed, as Bard kept his eyes on the lake, his tone was almost unimpressed. "Well, I almost fucked a fae s-" "y-y/n! That's not a-appropriate." Bilbo had choked out, without a thought.

"Come on, Gaggins, did you not see the pants he wore? His magic-"

"Enough." Thorin had interrupted you sharply, snapping your head towards the clearly annoyed King, walking over to him, punching his cheek. "Awwe, jealous of Jareth? You have a lot to live up to. Does your dick grow even after erecttion? I call it his magic c-"

" Hold on." Bilbo had pointed his pipe at you, staring at you, " How do you know that?" Bilbo had coughed again , with his cheeks red trying not to cry. "Don't tell him, maybe I held eye contact with not his eyes many times without him noticing , plus I asked him if he could grow tall as a house, and he said yeah, so I just assumed. I swear 100% I never walked in -"

"Hello, love."  You had jumped out of your skin, turning around, there stood Jareth, your face flushed red, shoving him gently. "Oh- , not nice Jareth, could've died from shock."  Jareth only ignored you, looking at your hair, his hand skimming over it , in interest.

"I heard you speaking of my cock, y/n/n, I'm flattered, but with those braids , I'm afraid you are no position to be making advances on me."  Lips slightly touching your eyes, as the vibrations of his whisper sent chills down your neck. “Well, what position do you want me in?” Pressing your back right against Jareths, his hot breath heightened onto your jeck. Thorin was fuming with anger, the dwarves didn’t know what to make of the situation.

“Y-y/n, enough do you not know what you have agreed to by those plaits?”

You had turned quickly pulling  Jareth away from the dwarves, well as far you could get anyways. "W-what are you talking about? What about the plaits?" Jareth had laughed loudly, getting the attention of the the dwarves , as you reached up to touch the braids.

"Oh, love, you don't know. Those plaits especially when done by a dwarf , signifies courtship, you have accepted." Eyes widened at the king, as he smirked at you, laughing lightly.

"What do I do? I am courting a king, I mean it’s not like I don’t like him , it’s j-“

“You are just being dramatic, you both share affections for each other, so what’s the problem? You know what to do if you need me.”poof he was gone, again.

So you had made your way over to Thorin, pulling him to his feet by his tunic, his eyes wide, as you pressed your lips to his harshly. His hands making their way into your hair, pulling you closer to him, kissing you back.

Your hands now under his jaw, the company well, they were as you could expect...cheering loudly. Pulling away from his lips, still in his hold , as you looked into his bright blue eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That consenting you to braid my hair , meant that I accepted your courtship? I would’ve anyways, but I had to find out from Jareth, I thought that was just a ruse to explain why I was travelling with a bunch of dwarves.”

“Sorry, thought you knew.”

“You hear that Lads, she thought he braided her hair out of the kindness of his heart.” Company had burst into mocking laughter, but you and Thorin had ignored it.

“Well, if we are going to get married, I need the goblin king as our wedding singer.”

“Goblin king?”

“What? You didn’t know, Jareth is the goblin king. Not that wart of a goblin, “

Thorin had only stared at you.

“No, you can’t kill him, his dick would come off and fuck you in the ass.”

“I’m sorry, who’s dick would what?” Bilbo had popped up , with disgust and confusion upon his face.

[aerialsquid]

Noodling Part VI: Tsukuda Gets Schooled

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Note: One more chapter to go after this unless something unthinkable happens - I’ll eventually be popping it up all up on AO3 as well, once someone’s had a chance to take a look at it for betaing.

--

Aizawa waited inside the dark supply closet for one of Might Agency's many conference rooms. Yagi was huddled next to him, hunched with his face turned away, a gesture Aizawa recognized as 'trying to hide emotion unsuitable for my public image'.

Through the crack of the door hinge he could see the main conference room door open, and a young man in a Might Agency namebadge and polo shirt escorted in Tsukuda Jidai. The man was slender, much like his daughter, and wore a suit that was as expensive as it was completely boring.

"Even with the recent setbacks, All Might's still one of our favorite clients," Tsukuda was saying with a bright but not overly amused customer-service smile. "It's always an honor to come down here and see what he's built."

The young man escorting Tsukuda chuckled. "Really, that's so kind of you to say. I'll make sure he hears that you mentioned that."

Aizawa's hand found Yagi's long fingers and briefly intertwined with them. He didn't look down, but he felt the taller man's muscles untense ever so slightly at his touch.

"I always think it's important to have heroes who show strong moral fiber and set an example for the populace. It doesn't just protect us, it inspires us to be better people."

"I couldn't agree more, Mr. Tsukuda. Would you please take a seat?"

You're making marketing deals with All Might's agency with your right hand and jerking it to him with your left hand. Nice life you've got set up for yourself, asshole.

Aizawa met Yagi's piercing blue eyes, two points of shimmering sapphire light glinting in the darkness, and gave a nod.Yagi took in as deep a breath as possible, squeezed Aizawa's hand once more, and then released it.

He twisted open the door and stepped out, bending his head slightly to get through the doorway. "Then your actions are particularly puzzling, Mr. Tsukuda!" he boomed, with all the booming he could get out of his tight chest.

"Um. What." Tsukuda's eyes drifted from Yagi's sharp, impossible to miss face to the sullen-eyed black-clad man beside him. This time, Aizawa felt no shame in basking in the panic his appearance brought.

"Creating material intended as blackmail for myself and my colleague. That's quite a villain move! Perhaps I have not been setting a good example if I led you to feel that was acceptable."

"Or perhaps he's just a very poor student," chirped the third person to emerge from the storage closet. Principal Nezu hopped up onto one of the conference room chairs and used it as leverage to clamber onto the table. He was dressed in one of his nicer sweater vests and a tasteful red tie. The soles of his loafers made little squeaks as he crossed the span of the conference table.

Tsukuda jerked back from Nezu into his plush rolling office chair, hands clamping on the armrests. "I...I have no idea what you're talking about. Ha ha! Blackmail, what? That's ridiculous. Who would blackmail you? Do you have any proof of it?"

"Not just proof, but a witness."

"What? Witness? How?"

"I think you might recognize me better like this." The young man who'd escorted Tsukuda in stood up. His fingers dug into his face and ran over his slicked-back blonde scalp, tugging flesh and hair upward until they formed All Might's shining facade and iconic antennae.

"Watashi ga kita, bitch," said Samejima with a thousand-watt grin.

"Please don't say that with my face."

"Sorry, All Might."

Mr. Tsukuda went pale. One arm wrapped around himself as he struggled for breath, surrounded by people who were experts at the glare of shame. (And Nezu, who had his own brand of 'disappointed dad' expression that was all the more painful for being on such a cute face.)

"I...I don't…" He bowed low in his seat, hugging himself tightly. "I'm so sorry, I never...I had no intention of injuring your reputation, All Might! It was a mistake, an impulse!"

"Would you offer that same apology to Aizawa?" Yagi rumbled.

"I--" He looked at Aizawa, who looked like he'd bite the man's fingers off for trying it. "It was...I had no other option! He's doing a terrible job and they wouldn't fire him! He ruined my daughter's life! There was no other way to make him pay, to make him stop before he ruined someone else."

Aizawa snorted. He stayed in place, arms folded, derisive. "Oh, don't pretend this is charity. When was the last time you even spoke to your daughter, Tsukuda?"

Tsukuda pointed accusingly at him and rolled the office chair back further. "She could have been a great hero, a famous hero, and you ruined her!"

"Do you know what the mortality rate is for heroes under thirty, Mr. Tsukuda? The suicide rate? The rate of career ending injuries? The percentage currently experiencing untreated PTSD?"

Tsukuda paused, taken aback. Aizawa didn't give him time to get in another jab.

"My job as a teacher is to make my students into functional pro heroes. Your job is to make your child into a happy, healthy adult. If I had succeeded at my job with Jiodo, you'd have failed at yours. You put the prestige of being a hero over what would make her content in life, and then you threw a hissy fit when I wasn't an accessory to it."

"She could have done it," Tsukuda hissed through gritted teeth.

"She could have. And she didn't. Deal with it like a damn adult - she's managed to."

A tiny soft paw rested on Aizawa's forearm, quieting him. Nezu, all pleasant smiles and soft edges, took another step forward. His hands came to rest behind his back.

"Do you know what I am, Mr. Tsukuda?"

Tsukuda stared at him, and rolled his chair over to put more of the table between him and Aizawa's glower. "Um. You're the principal of UA?" he offered weakly, looking Nezu up and down.

"Haha! Technically correct but no! I mean, do you know my species?"

"Your. Um. Your what?"

Nezu laughed, resting his hands on his hips. "Honestly, I'm not sure myself. There's a few different strains in me, and genetically speaking I'm really an entirely new species. Fascinating, isn't it?"

"Um. Uh. Yes, sir?"

"There was a long period where I opted to pass as a heteromorphic human, for the sake of easing my path in the world, but I have since come to a greater comfort in expressing what I am." He patted his chest with confidence. "As you might expect, dealing with people who are very concerned about their societal standing and preferred to avoid dealing even with a human who was short and furry has brought me a lot of trouble over the years.  And I do somewhat understand. I've been in your place, I've also had significant concerns with UA's curriculum and strategy in the past. Do you know what I did about it?"

"N...no?" Tsukuda clearly had no idea where this conversation was going, but was helpless to pull himself out of its flow. The teachers under his rule had learned a long time ago that it was helpless to resist when he got into a monologue.

Nezu laughed again and struck a small pose, arms raised like a company mascot. "I became the principal. Ha ha, how about that?" His arms dropped again, and he moved forward until he was nearly nose to adorable nose with Tsukuda.

"There is only so much I can do. Pro hero is a dangerous, violent job, and by necessity the training for it is rigorous. And I am, if not human, only mortal. I make mistakes, and not small ones either. But I want UA above all to be a place where our students can feel wanted and safe - because they are going to graduate into a world that is becoming more dangerous every day, and they're going to do it in a career that puts a massive target on each of their backs. For that, what I care about are teachers who have been where those students will one day be, and who can bring that wisdom to bear. Teachers who are intelligent, driven, and kind but still strict--and teachers who know when the kindest thing to do for a student is cut them down before a villain cuts them down in the field. Or worse."

Aizawa faintly remembered Nezu joking, during a staff excursion to a bar, that running UA was part of his secret long-term world domination scheme. Teach the children up right, the children become adults, the adults run the world as they were taught to do as children. Perhaps it had been meant as a joke, but there was some underlying truth to it. Nezu was dissatisfied with the world he had been birthed into and largely distrusted the humans who controlled it. Being a teacher let him, in some small way, begin to change it.

"The only reputation I'm concerned about," Nezu continued. "Is our reputation as a competent educational facility. Even if it were real footage, and even if you had made it public, there was nothing on that recording you sent us that compromises their integrity as teachers. "

That's not somehow a ringing endorsement of your porn, Samejima, thought Aizawa, shooting a brief glance at the pornographer. Stop looking proud of that statement.

"Not that you will be making it public," Yagi broke in. "If you do, our mutual acquaintance has promised to in turn make public the payments you've made to him, and the saved records of all messages sent between you. It seems you didn't stumble over a person who made this type of video by accident. A very naughty habit for a married man, Mr. Tsukuda."

Tsukuda's eyes bulged in horror. "But...he'd be exposed too! The world would know his secret!" He grabbed at his chest, as if experiencing a heart attack at the very thought of it. "He'd never be able to work again!"

"Unlike you, Mr. 'All Most' has moral standards that go beyond his need to maintain his career. He is willing to take that penalty in exchange for ensuring that truth and justice are maintained." He patted Samejima on the shoulder. Samejima's grin widened so far that the ends of it nearly met around the back of his head.

"And in exchange for such kindness, any legal repercussions for Mr. All Most due to his courageous actions will be handled by my personal legal team. I'm no expert, but I am told they are the best money can hire."

Tsukuda cowered down into himself. "I'm so, so sorry. I have always had the highest of respect for--"

"Please, no more lies. You objectified and fetishized the body that I had, but used this body to humiliate me and my coworker for petty revenge. You thought someone loving me would be humiliating for both of us. That someone loving this body would be seen as disgusting."

"I prefer skinnier men anyway. Not into the muscle look." Almost immediately, Aizawa regretted opening his mouth. He'd hoped that Tsukuda's panicked mind wouldn't be able to grasp the deeper meaning, but no such luck. Tsukda gaped at the both of them, fingers digging into his arms.

"Wait. Wait, you are. Wait. No. What?"

Eh, screw it. Aizawa kept his eyes off Yagi as he spoke, rage simmering under his veins. The horror on Tsukuda's face was like sweet, sweet necter of the gods. "You really had no idea, did you? The most terrible, shameful fate you could come up with was the truth. What a small, petty man you are. I can't imagine such a life, focused on rigid societal goals...if I gave a damn about that, I wouldn't be where I am now."

Tsukuda looked to Nezu for support, expecting the principal to share his horror, but found no solace. In desperation he looked to Samejima (why he thought there'd be sympathy there was anyone's guess) but saw only giddy glee on the man's rubbery face. Then, reluctantly, he looked to Yagi.

Yagi was smiling. Not with that big, All Might trademarked grin that was plastered on at least one poster in every room of the building, but a gentle, nostalgic smile that softened his angular features. For a moment, he was looking at Aizawa as if Aizawa was the only man in the room who could see him.

"And I count myself lucky that he didn't."