#''this seems easy i wont make it very long this time'' i said. like a fool

[orcelito]

Good News for me, it seems like my application to the new apartment is being accepted :]

The leasing coordinator messaged me to say she's sending the lease to me to sign tomorrow, & so long as I submit the payment by the start of the term (April 30th), then the apartment will be Mine.......!!!!!

Wonderful News!!!

[goatgoesmbe]

poly!141 x f!reader idea

Where everyone is a loser, except for Gaz.

And you.

Gaz got all the rizz, he was definitely the one doing all the work to get them all together. It took a while, and it was agony for him. Long conversation of awkward flirting, quiet glances where they would look away if their eyes met, and don't even ask him about the sex.

But.. somehow, everything worked out in the end.

Then came you, the pretty thing who had just got recruited to the taskforce. You, who immediately became the talk of everyone on base, the cute medic that got everyone courting left and right. The new primadona.

Just like everyone else, Gaz had an eye for beauty. And it seemed like his lovers had the same idea from how they turned from a pragmatic, respectable soldiers to a pathetic, blushing mess just from your presence alone.

And just like before, it made sense for Kyle to be the one who would pursue you. To charm his way into your heart (and pants), before introducing you to everyone else.

Because Price thought approaching you to talk about work count as flirting. Thinking what was important was spending more time with you, no matter what was the reason. Hoping you'd eventually notice his feelings concealed in the questionable amount of paperwork handed to you.

Ghost would follow you around from a safe distance. Staring at you with that look. The kind of unsettling look he usually directed at his target, like you were an enemy's operative instead of a potential partner. Gaz didn't understand what his lieutenant's plan was, maybe he was trying to communicate with you telepathically? Gaz didn't know.

Soap was- well.. either he would embarrass himself so bad, or you would report him to the higher up for sexual harassment.

And with that, it made sense for Gaz to make the move. He was the best candidate- no, the only reasonable candidate for this.

He knew he was attractive, and charming. So this would be easy, right?

Nope.

What he didn't know was, you were so used to having casanovas trying to woo you. So it got boring after a while.

You preferred to be the player instead of the pawn. And so, you simply brushed off all of his advances. Because your type of man was actually the pathetic kind.

And so, Gaz could only watch as you took the drink he bought for you before approaching the others who tried (and failed) to act casual, like they weren't spying at all.

Price was focused with his phone in his hands.. which was upside down.

Soap was.. inspecting a wall like he was at an art exhibition.

While Ghost just stood still as if no one could see him if he didn't move.

...

If he was being honest? Gaz was a bit offended. It was kind of his first time facing rejection. But as they said, there was a first for everything.

And of course, he didn't make a scene, didn't give up on the game because well why should he?

He wasn't disappointed. Because in the end, whoever you chose first, you'd end up with all of them. They were a package after all.

a/n: despite whats written here- the fic is actually gonna focus more on Gaz x reader lolol- some kind of multichap porn rival to lover (?). well I said that but the porn with Gaz wont happen til the very end- does that make sense. probably wont write more than 2 short chapters

[buggachat]

To be clear, I goddamn hated the finale on first watch. I was withering in my seat. My heart had dropped to my stomach. I had no fucking idea what I was watching in that final scene lmao

and then Adrien said "when Ladybug gave me the rings—" and I was like— wait. LADYBUG? LADYBUG STILL EXISTS?

I THOUGHT THE ENTIRE TIMELINE HAD BEEN REWRITTEN 😭😭😭😭 I THOUGHT LADYBUG AND CHATN OIR DIDNT UFCKING EXIST uNTIL ADRIEN SAID THAT I WAS SO SO SO SCARED

and then I realized, oh wait. This isn't a complete utopian timeline rewrite. This is just a timeskip of a few months and Mme Bustier is just a kickass mayor. In fact, she's only mayor BECAUSE it's still the same timeline. And then I realized, hey, wait, if they didn't rewrite the timeline, then how tf is Emilie casually there with no questions?

And then I realized she was wearing black. And Félix was there. And I remembered Amelie exists.

Basically, I went into the finale chanting to myself "it's okay, it's okay... they probably wont bring Emilie back... they probably won't rewrite the entire timeline permanently.... right? please....", even though I didn't actually expect it to happen, but just because I was terrified that it could. And apparently that fear actually got to me so much that I misinterpreted the episode as being everything I didn't want it to be... when... it actually wasn't that at all

anyway, all of this is to say, everything in the episode happens so fast that it confused and terrified me at first. And when I realized what had happened, my opinion went from "my year is ruined" to "oh. well. okay. kind of disappointing, I guess". And then I kept thinking about it, and the ending, and all that is set up and rewatching the scenes and all the loose ends still in place and.... i realized I loved it?

like, every time I think about this finale, I love it more. every time i rewatch a scene, I get a little obsessed. this episode went from my nightmare to actually really really cool to me, and I'm still kind of reeling from it

Basically, this is why I've been kind of passionately defending the finale— not because I think people who don't like it are """dumb""" or anything, I don't blame people at all for that, and I totally get the confusion. I was confused too. And I know I'm not the only one who went in preparing themselves for the worst, or went in with very specific expectation on what will happen, because this finale has been long awaited for so long. I think everyone was shocked with how it ended. I think most people probably startled at Amelie's face (it's so easy to forget she exists....)

Anyways, I started this post basically as an apology for if I seem too aggressive or defensive about the finale. Because I get it! I get hating it! I get being disappointed or frustrated or confused! Part of why I'm so defensive is because I have all the arguments so ready on the tip of my tongue because I had the very same argument with myself already 😭 So I'm sorry if any of my posts came off as too aggressive and in advance for any future posts that might. I promise promise promise I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for having bad opinions on the finale! I just think this episode is really cool and the fact I related to a lot of the nay-sayers makes it easy to feel so impassioned about it.

But this post is getting off the rails and I'm just gonna let it, because some of my regrets w my participation in fandom is that I find myself chickening out of actually talking about my thoughts on episodes a lot. I get kind of overwhelmed and overthink everything after I've posted it and I'm a shy person. But my inbox is closed and this is the season 5 finale and I want to ramble and ramble so I will allow myself this

Basically, I went in with some very specific expectations for this episode. We all know about the Hawkmoth defeat story. Many of us have read it in fics over and over again, it was teased in Chat Blanc, we all know what we expect, we all know our favorite beats from it.

And what actually happened....... met virtually none of those beats. (For me, at least).

Like, Adrien wasn't there for the final episode. At all. He was completely absent from the confrontation. He never found out his father was Hawkmoth. He got his rings, but he never found out he was a sentimonster. He is living in the dark.

Ladybug confronted Monarch... alone. Which is sad, when so much of the series is dedicated to the partnership of her and Chat Noir. Them against the world....... and Monarch was "defeated" with nary a Chat Noir in sight.

The whole entire "Gabriel is known as a hero" thing. I don't think anybody was expecting that. Absolutely shocking.

The fact Marinette would lie to Adrien like that. The fact she's keeping so much from him. The fact everyone is. SO MANY people in Adrien's life (Marinette, Plagg, Nathalie, Felix, Amelie, Kagami, probably Alya, maybe more I'm not thinking of....) are just... lying to him, now. He is so in the dark. He knows nothing.

But.........

I kind of like that I didn't predict nearly any of this. I like that it caught me off guard. I love how this show just completely baffles me at every turn, how it will present concepts and ideas to me that I've never read a fic about.

In retrospect, Chat Noir being absent from the final battle... makes sense. It actually makes a lot of sense, if I think about it, because... there is only one possible way that could've gone, right? Chat Noir would not be allowed to have the emotional implosion that he would have to have. This is devastating. This is SO devastating. This is the entire shattering of Adrien's entire world we're talking about, and Chat Blanc is the only real way for that to end. Adrien has an emotional implosion in front of Monarch, he gets akumatized, it turns into an emotion explosion, extinction event. The end. We've already seen it.

And........ even if it didn't end that way, even if he managed to avoid akumatization...... how could the finale satisfyingly end on that note? How could it end in any semblance of a "wrapped up" way, at the very start of Adrien's emotional breakdown? It couldn't. I wouldn't WANT it to. In retrospect, Adrien finding out his dad is Monarch and then.... what? The season ends on a close-up of him crying? The season ends with a time-skip to the new school year where they skipped his entire grieving period!? I would HATE that, actually. I would hate that. I thought I wanted it, but I would hate it. I would hate it so so so much.

What's kind of amazing is that the finale ended with Monarch being defeated.... but Adrien still has those realizations to make. He still has those betrayals to come to terms with. There is time for him to make these realizations, for him to come to these conclusions, perhaps one at a time, perhaps in a more controlled environment.... and that gets me far, far more excited for the seasons to come than an episode that tried to wrap it all up in the last 5 minutes.

Also, the reason Adrien didn't go to the final battle was because he feared becoming Chat Blanc. He didn't know the truth to it, didn't understand that literally, yes, that's what would have happened if he was there, even if he hadn't been under a nightmare curse. But he still knew. He still expected it. He willingly chose to sit it out, no matter how much he hated it, because he knew. And there's something kind of powerful to that, I think, of Adrien making a choice that is so unequivocally the Correct choice, even more than he realized. And the strength it took for him to make that decision...... damn.

As for the lies and the Gabriel statue? I... it's upsetting, but it's supposed to be. And I believe it. I absolutely believe it. I 10000% believe Marinette would keep the secret of Monarch's identity to herself to try to save Adrien the pain. I 10000% believe that the population could easily be led to believe a famous billionaire is a hero. I 10000% believe that Adrien would WANT to believe it. I 10000% believe Tomoe would take advantage of it.

And I can't wait to see that illusion crumble.

Also.... this is the beginning of The Lila arc.

And the Lila arc begins on........ Marinette telling the biggest, boldest face lie she ever told. The Lila arc begins on the most extreme city-wide illusion we've ever seen. It begins on such a huge fabrication and....

..... it's Marinette's lie.

............ and Lila knows that it's a lie.

I'm

!!?!?!?!

This is so fucking cool???? The irony here??? the deceit???? All these loose ends, all the possible confrontations, all the ways this could GO. I don't know where the show is taking this, obviously, because nobody ever can predict where this show is going apparently (and I love it for that), but oh my god. I'm imagining all the fics I could read about this. all the fics I could write. all the thoughts and scenarios that this finale has provided me with to daydream about as I go to sleep.

Adrien, going through the motions of life. Looking up to his father as a hero, despite the fact the last time he saw him, Adrien was sobbing, in tears, and cursing his name. Adrien, after all the abuse he was subject to, having to look up at a statue of his father and...... be forced to think that maybe he was wrong about his father. But he's not wrong. He WASN'T wrong. He just THINKS that he is. His father is going to continue to loom over his life in ways I never expected post-hawkmoth. Adrien's relationship with Gabriel has not ended, a new and terrifying and horrible new chapter of it has simply begun, and Adrien is still as manipulated by his father's ghost as he was by his father himself.

THAT'S. WILD!!!

also, Adrien now believes that MONARCH MURDERED HIS FATHER. Chat Noir now believes that his greatest nemesis KILLED HIS FATHER. CHAT NOIR, resident self-sacrificer, believes that HIS FATHER was a HERO who DIED FIGHTING MONARCH. Adrien thinks that maybe he should be more like his father— more like his father who died in battle. This is. Not Good. For Adrien.

And it's Marinette that started this. Well intentioned Marinette, who doesn't really understand the extent of the horrors. Marinette, Adrien's girlfriend, the person he trusts most. She did this.

And, I mean.... god. I totally get how this sucks for a lot of people, because it's objectively upsetting.... but I LOVE lovesquare tension. Season 4 is probably my favorite season for that reason alone (still mulling over if season 5 beat it for me). I love the relationship drama, I love that it's in character drama, I love how it fits everything we know about them sososo well, I love that it's horrible and it's terrible and it's awful and it's all because Marinette loved Adrien too much to want to hurt him.

I was worried no reveal would mean that season 6 would just be... what? adrienette fluff? not that I don't love that, but where's the drama? well. there it is. that's the drama.

I need to stop typing this. I know this is abysmally long and ranty and if you read all of this then I'm sorry. But I wanted to get some of my thoughts out.

But basically, I was expecting a lot of things for the finale.

In my best case scenario, it would somehow, miraculously tie up and address all the loose ends with Adrien's angst and character arc in two episodes.... and then end with me totally satisfied, ready to only half-heartedly watch season 6 like it was just a small dessert after the main course.

And I already described my worst case scenario (my first impression of the episode lmao)

But it wasn't that. I was expecting a series finale, but I got a season finale. And I love season finales. I love how they keep me wanting more. I love how excited I am for season 6, because in both my best and worst case scenarios, I honestly didn't expect to be. I love all the new ideas and thoughts and scenarios swirling around in my brain. And even if season 6 doesn't address some of the things I want addressed, I'm so excited to see the creative content in this fandom that DOES

[tojisbbygworl]

Pain Is Pleasure - Vampire!Miguel O’Hara x Reader

Imagine your vampire boss wants to fuck you despite his aversion to silver

Tags: 18+, Smut, Reader is pierced tf up (tongue, lip, nipple, COOCHIE), Pain kink

Masterlist

Vampire!Miguel who glowered when he first laid eyes on you. Jessica brought you back to HQ singing your praises after watching you fight a particularly difficult anomaly. Your suit was “worse” than Hobie’s what with all the chains, spikes, and studs that littered it. How you flung yourself through the air without getting caught on anything was beyond him.

Vampire!Miguel who visibly recoiled when you took your mask off revealing your metal-stricken face. You had a piercing on both eyebrows, studs on the top and sides of your ears as well as a daith, on both of your nostrils, a septum, a Medusa, right under your bottom lip, and two rings on the right side of it.

“Just give her a watch already and get her out of my sight.”

“He’s a real ball of sunshine,” you had said once you and Jess left his little ‘lair’.

“It’s all that silver,” she laughed.

Vampire!Miguel who can’t take his eyes off of you whenever you’re around. Your piercings are just so vile that he has to inspect every single one of them whenever he can. Even if it makes him look a bit weird.

Vampire!Miguel who notices your quick wit and sharp mind with an infectious positivity that even he can’t resist. No matter how much he wants to.

Vampire!Miguel who eventually finds your company enjoyable leaving him to seek you out at HQ as well.

“I need you to figure this out for me.”

“Hey, you busy? Something’s wrong with Lyla and I know you’re good with technology.”

“Need you for an assignment. It wont take long.”

Vampire!Miguel who starts to ignore the natural repel he has towards silver to go on missions with you. Sure, Jess told him that you were more than capable of handling them yourself and if you needed back up then she could go instead, but Miguel is insistent that you need proper supervision. No one who has that many piercings can be fully trusted, and who is better for the job than the boss?

You, who initially thought he hated your guts and was genuinely surprised when he first asked for you to accompany him as long as you “kept those weapons of destruction away from him”. When you both met he was grumpy and distant. Actually, he straight up avoided you like the plague. You guess he’s been warming up to you lately which, although you were very happy about it, it made you anxious.

Miguel O’Hara is a fine man. He easily towers over you, his eyes are always low, the red gleam making him look all the more dangerous. That along with his sunken cheeks and strong jaw, it’s no wonder you shake every time he’s near. It was easy to control your crush (let’s face it, lust) when he was avoiding you, and now it seems that he wants you attached at his hip.

Vampire!Miguel who you didn’t know could smell the effect he has on you. Vampire!Miguel who has to focus when he’s with you to keep from drooling from the intoxicating scent you give off. It was light and floral with the smallest hint of blood from all the metal. Each inhale would slightly singe his nose hairs, and he found himself liking it.

Vampire!Miguel who starts noticing how much you piercings enhance your beauty. Your Medusa brings out your Cupid’s Bow while your labret accentuates your bottom lip making it look like you have a natural pout. Your eye brow piercings brought out the arch better. And the nose piercings were simply just adorable.

Vampire!Miguel who finds himself having to retract his claws at the very mention of your name. His breathing gets heavier, he salivates more, his eyes become a deep crimson; he’s starting to get it bad. He imagines the burn he would feel from biting and sucking on your lips and gets excited. Oh no.

Vampire!Miguel who kicks you out of his office the moment you both get back so he can give his aching dick some attention. While he panted and hunched over his desk fucking his fist, you stood outside of the room slightly hurt by his actions.

Vampire!Miguel who was so close but had to stop because he heard Hobie speaking to you. “What’s got you so down, love?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Thanks, though.”

“Where you running off too? Come chat with me.”

Vampire!Miguel who immediately opens the door to chase after you and tell you that he needs you again.

Vampire!Miguel who resists sinking his canines into your neck as he bullies his dick into your wet pussy. His mind is clouded with fiery hot lust that’s fanned with each sweet moan that escapes you.

Vampire!Miguel who grunts in pain as he softly nips your ear. He can’t help it, you make the cutest whines when he plays with your pierced body parts.

He surprised himself when he attached his mouth to yours. The pain was small and insignificant, it felt like pressing a hot spoon to his lips. And then he stuck his tongue in your mouth and pushed you away. “Fuck,” he cursed holding his own tongue.

You were horribly confused and then you realized, “Shit, I have a tongue piercing,” you told him. He watched you open your mouth and stick it out to show him. At that moment, he was no longer concerned with his own safety, you looked so slutty with your tongue out for him like that.

“Keep it open,” he commanded walking towards you. He grabbed your neck and spat onto the piercing. “Swallow.” You obliged.

Vampire!Miguel who started reconsidering this decision when he finally got you out of your suit completely. Your body was more amazing than he imagined, but there were two things keeping him from enjoying it. Although, he couldn’t lie, they made your tits look ethereal.

The throbbing of his dick and the precum pooling on the floor made his choice for him. He grabbed you to sit on his lap right on top of his member, hissing upon impact. You slightly lifted your hips to look down at the angry red patch on it. It healing as soon as you rose.

“What you got down there?” He asked, although he already knew.

If his heart was working, it would have beat out of his chest. With the small smile you gave him as you angled your hips upwards and spread your pretty cunt to show him a piercing on your clit, Miguel completely melted in his seat. He grabbed your hips and sat you back down not waisting anytime hooking his mouth over your nipples.

The burn from his mouth and dick translated to an intense blanket of heat on your own body. It felt amazing and you found yourself grinding into him. The groan he let out rumbled in his throat.

“Ah,” he grunts which each lick of your nipple. The metal sears his flesh. He hisses and moans from the pain. But how could he stop, when you were whimpering so desperately and humping him like a fucking whore?

You almost came from the stimulation, but before you did he pushed you off of him and bent you over the desk. He aligned his dick with your wet entrance and spat on it. Then, without warning, he stuffed you full of his hot length.

“This is what you wanted?” He teased, his hands gripping your hips for dear life. “Acting like you didn’t want to cum every time you looked at me. Answer me.”

“Yes, baby, fuck,” you moaned into the air.

“I’m the only who can see you like this?” He asked, a sense of possession rushing over him.

“Y-Yes, Miguel.” You’ve completely lost your composure, not being able to focus on anything except his thick dick stuffing you with every thrust. You gushed as he drilled you, making him throw his head back. You both felt a coil build up in your abdomen.

“You gonna cum?” He smirked when you nodded dumbly, not able to speak from how good he was fucking you. You squeezed him as you came undone and Miguel closed his eyes and fucked you harder.

“Fuck, where do you want it?”

“On my face, baby.”

He thrusted a few more times before pulling out of you and beating himself off. You turned around and kneeled down sticking your beautiful tongue out again. “Ohhh, fuck,” he moaned, holding your head as he spilled his hot cum over your face and body.

His final spurts landed in your mouth and he slapped his dick right in the piercing, hissing and jerking his hips from the sting. But, he guesses he likes it.

Vampire!Miguel who definitely isn't letting you go. He needs to feel you roll that metal ball over his tip. He wonders how badly it would hurt, and how quickly he would come.

Yeah I needed to let this one out. This was super quick and barely-assed so it's kinda sucky. pls read my much better Miguel story

Masterlist

[tinrange]

In some ways im not sure if anyone Should have ended up together in gelboys but altogether im very glad that if people were gonna end up together they made sure it was both couples.

Gelboys central appeal to me has always been its kindness to the youth. Its evident in the way its handled being a modern teen so delicately along with its respect for how young people use tech, which to me is genuinely revolutionary. I think forgiveness is central to that too.

I wouldve loved more time devoted to Fou4mods healing process or even his forgiveness, but im glad that he also got to forgive along. Chian fighting to be forgiven, and his actual suffering and regret at his own actions is one of my favorite arcs, even though, as @lurkingshan mentioned to me, his most important character moment to complete that arc happened in a side story.

The narrative structure makes it very easy to forgive Baabin even after he's said some pretty horrendous stuff simply because he's positioned as kind and just for so long, his petty cruelness seems like an internalization of every other characters past actions and thus seems kinda uncharacteristic. Bua is similar in that his ignorance of his own cruelty leaves him alone. Their growth is in recognition and identification of the cycles around them and in stopping it before it spirals out of control (because like. 2 year situationship is so......)

Chian on the other hand is difficult to root for, and in some ways I'd say Fou4 is even more difficult. He genuinely oversteps on Faifahs boundaries, and he's self pitying to a very large extent. Both of them remind me so much of Teh, whereas BaabinBua almost serve as the OhAew in comparison.

I dont think it's necessary to have seen ITSAY to enjoy gelboys, but i really enjoy Boss Kunos kindness to these characters and their struggle. I really like that even when theyre unlikable to a lot of people theyre allowed to be happy. Its cathartic in a way because to move forward they have to accept all thats happened, and more importantly all that they allowed to happen out of fear of losing it. Its really easy to leave gelboys saying well of course Chian and Fou4mod wont last, but i like that they try again. In a meta sense its not even really about them as a relationship, its a kindness to any audience that might see themselves in them and a promise that in growth you can rediscover parts of yourself and past happiness that you thought was lost.

[quietblueriver]

Very short thing set immediately after ep 95 because it wrecked me and I had a second to Kermit-style spew some feelings. Imogen-centric, as I am wont. Pls excuse any typos and the probably wild overuse of the comma.

-

Long moments pass, the ridge of Laudna’s nose pressing just underneath Imogen's jaw, her arms linked around Imogen’s waist as Imogen does what she can not to break in half. 

It’s second nature, to run her fingers through Laudna’s hair, a familiar action, easy, meant to soothe them both, meant to keep them grounded, together, tethered. Imogen knows exactly how much pressure to use, how to move gently to avoid hurting Laudna or coming away with a small creature’s worth of hair in her palm. She’s done it a hundred times before, a thousand, but this time, there’s a prickle in her mind and her hand slows on the second full pass as she tries to figure out what’s different, what’s wrong. Except it’s what’s right, actually. Or what would be right, if Laudna were someone else. The strands are softer, thicker, falling through her fingers easily. Almost like Laudna’s…

Imogen’s rigid as the thought takes hold, and Laudna shifts against her with a small questioning noise. It takes everything she has to try to relax, but it’s apparently enough, cool lips grazing the skin of her neck as Laudna settles again. 

Fuck. She can’t be sure, no matter how many times she lets the strands glide over her skin, whether there really is something different or whether she’s just looking for Delilah everywhere now, and she hates it, hates that her life has been so disrupted, so shaken, that even this almost mundane intimacy can’t be trusted. Her world tilts just a little more, and surely, surely, she’s finally upside-down.

The body that has helped to keep her here relaxes further into her, trusting and vulnerable, even as Imogen tries not to show her panic, tries to hide the way she keeps her breath shallow because she’s scared she’ll smell something other than earth mixed with lavender.

Fighting back the angry, screaming sob that seems to live perpetually in her throat these days, she feels, a little distantly, the cold sigh against her neck.

The exhale shifts into a phrase that Laudna has repeated more times than Imogen can count in the last half hour: “I love you.” 

There had been a momentary relief the first time Laudna said it, free of the stain of Delilah’s echo, something pure in the middle of their absolutely fucked, world-breaking conversation. Laudna, just Laudna, telling Imogen she loves her. 

But each repetition sounds less like reassurance and more like desperation, more like a plea. It’s me, it’s me, it’s me. She wants so badly for that to be true.

But Imogen has never been allowed to live in what she wants to be true.

Maybe it is still Laudna, soft and true and hers, but they’re too far gone now for Imogen to trust it.

She knows that those words are a perfect weapon for Delilah, an ideal means of self-preservation. There is no better way to keep Imogen on the line, to give Imogen–and maybe Laudna, too–hope that some part of Laudna has been preserved from Delilah's influence, than by making it seem as though she can’t touch their love. 

She almost can’t bear their corruption, but the only thing worse than hearing those words like this is not hearing them at all, so she takes them dipped in poison, feels them feed the rotten and writhing truth inside of her. It’s a truth that she has been avoiding since that night in Whitestone, and now it’s crawling beneath her skin, coiling in her stomach, refusing to be ignored any longer: 

Something is wrong. 

Laudna is wrong. 

And what is Imogen supposed to do with that? 

“I love you, too,” she whispers, and it is a truth, too, as it has always been, but, face pressed into dark hair that she’s suddenly afraid to breathe in in case it’s the thing that topples them both, Imogen has no idea how much of Laudna there is left to love.

[zaebeecee]

Fight and Flight ••

Pre-RadioDust Oneshot •

Read on AO3

•••

Based on this headcanon from @alastorsfluffydeertail. Thank you for letting me use this as a prompt, my dear, and I’m sorry I took it a bit off the rails (as I am wont to do). This is what I get for never planning anything out.

But also if anyone thinks the Hazbin Hotel residents wouldn’t prank each other, they’re wrong.

•••

When Angel Dust had first agreed to move into the Hazbin Hotel (back when it was the Happy Hotel, whose name alone was almost enough to make him refuse no matter how well he was paid for the evening), it was the first time in his entire existence in Hell that he had known exactly what to expect. The princess had a fucking stupid plan about getting sinners into Heaven and her bodyguard/girlfriend/what the fuck ever was apparently determined to help her see it out; Angel knew a hopeless cause when he saw one, and more importantly, he knew how to capitalize on it.

Of course, he had forgotten one very key detail: sinners were human at their core, and when humans spent a lot of time in close proximity, they got to know each other really well. And when people got to know each other really well, that meant bonding was basically unavoidable.

It was easy to forget the ‘human’ factor of sinners at VoxTek, particularly when someone spent too much time around the Vees. Sometimes, Angel thought of them as less ‘humans’ and more ‘evil entities that had learned how to mimic the worst of human behavior with extra capitalism’, and because of that he had kept company with them as little as possible since Valentino had showed his true colors and backhanded Angel for the very first time. But the Hazbin Hotel was not VoxTek, and the other residents of the hotel were not the Vees. They were mostly relatively normal people, when you put aside things like noble station and overlord rank, and that complicated Angel’s initial plan.

Originally, he had agreed simply to take advantage of not having to pay rent and not having to live under Val’s thumb at all times. It was a simple scheme: follow just as many rules as he absolutely had to in order to avoid getting kicked out, keep as much of his drug usage off the property as he could, and bat his eyes and make super sappy apologies about ‘trying his best’ whenever he got caught. It would have gone great if not for one tiny little hiccup.

He liked them.

Damn them to a lower ring of Hell, but Angel liked the fuckers, and it wasn’t long before he realized that they were becoming friends. Of course, they were also a bunch of pricks who’d been punished with eternal damnation for the crime of being assholes in life, so with friendship came the inevitable bullshit of having asshole friends. This, frequently, meant pranks of varying degrees of severity and creativity.

In Angel’s defense, he didn’t start it. The whole thing began when someone (who was never actually identified) convinced all of the Egg Bois that they were named after different members of the Rat Pack (to go with Frank) and that Pentious really loved being serenaded with ‘Ain’t That A Kick In The Head’ at all times. It had started out kind of funny—the Egg Bois couldn’t keep time with each other and it got even worse when they tried to manufacture their own Dean Martin impersonations—but it had quickly grown into the absolute worst thing Angel had ever had the displeasure to suffer. Husk, accurately, determined that it was “proof of Hell’s eternal punishment”. Eventually, Charlie helped Pentious right them, but it was way, way too late.

The war was on, and it quickly spread to everyone in the hotel without mercy. And, unpredictably, it seemed everyone was in on the game in one capacity or another.

Everyone had their own weak points when it came to getting ‘punk’d’, as Vaggie called it with an impressively straight face. Charlie could be convinced of just about anything if you said it with enough conviction, and Husk was alarmingly easy to gaslight if you could rearrange or abscond with his bar equipment when he wasn’t looking. Niffty was, of course, weak to cleaning pranks (but they had quickly determined the Stabbing Threshold, which was the point where it wasn’t funny anymore and she would legitimately gut someone), and you could do a million things to Pentious if you got into his lab, as long as you didn’t break anything. Angel was particularly proud of the time he got Vaggie to fully arm herself and go all the way up onto the roof of the hotel to ‘challenge an intruder’ who ended up being a hellsquirrel, but she had gotten him back by coming into the kitchen while he was cooking, staring him dead in the eye, and breaking all of the spaghetti before he could stop her.

And Alastor? Well, no one could get into his room, or his radio tower, or even find him if he didn’t want to be found, which rendered him immune to most forms of planned tomfoolery. But when he was there? He was easy, because he was a jumpy fucker if you caught him off guard, and a single loud noise close enough behind him would send him shadow teleporting onto some other surface (the mantle of the lobby fireplace on one particularly memorable occasion).

It was fun. Or, at least, it was supposed to be fun. That was why they had a set number of rules: no staining anything Niffty had to clean (and no glitter, which was a personal rule for Angel after that one time), no making Charlie cry, no breaking Pentious’s equipment or Husk’s bottles, no fucking with Vaggie’s weapons and armor, and absolutely nothing involving Fat Nuggets. Other than that, it was open season on everyone.

Charlie was conducting one of her little trust building exercises one evening, the entire hotel (sans Alastor) her captives for the duration of the entire exercise. Cherri had made the mistake of showing up just before it began, and curiosity had roped her in; now, she was sitting next to Angel and watching Charlie coaching Vaggie and Husk through some kind of role playing exercise with an open sort of fascination.

“Is it always like this?” Cherri murmured, leaning on Angel’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Angel whispered back. “I got no fuckin’ idea how this’s supposed to get us redeemed, tho, all it’s ever done is made me hate kids.”

Cherri snorted. “Why isn’t Radio Face here?”

Angel rolled his eyes. “He’s the hotelier,” he said, exaggerating Alastor’s transatlantic delivery and overly precise French pronunciation. “He don’t gotta participate, apparently, because he ain’t up for bein’ made better or whatever. Come to think of it, I ain’t seen him in a few days. Think he’s been out.”

Like Angel had spoken a cue, the radio on the lobby table made gentle static noises, and a couple of the lights flickered, just slightly. Everyone stopped, glancing around, because that meant one thing: Alastor was nearby, and he was either very angry or very tired, and either way it meant he wasn’t checking his power as much as he usually did. It had freaked Angel out the first time, but eventually, he learned to interpret it as a sign that Alastor was returning after a long bout of ‘personal business’ and probably wasn’t going to be bothering any of them.

Cherri grinned. “I’m gonna fuck with him,” she said into the silent room.

Angel let out a single barking laugh as Charlie said, “Oh, no, don’t, he’s probably exhausted.”

“That’s the best time to get him,” Husk said reasonably, immediately discarding the script he’d had thrust on him as soon as he noticed that Charlie wasn’t focusing on him anymore. “He’ll probably be too tired to actually retaliate.”

“Besides,” Pentious said, “he hasn’t exactly held back with anyone else. I’m still positive he started this. I just need to prove it,” he hissed, hunching over his clasped hands and rubbing them together.

Niffty patted the table with her palms a few times, grinning brightly. “I wanna see Cherri scare Alastor~”

“You can’t scare Alastor,” Angel said with a disbelieving snort. “Startle him, sure, but scare? Bullshit.”

Vaggie sighed. “Do I need to prepare damage control?”

“Relax, I’m not gonna cause property damage,” Cherri said. “I just wanna get the bitch back for what he did to my stuff last time I was here. I’m still finding ticker tape everywhere, even in my own goddamn apartment.”

Charlie looked uncomfortable, but of course, she was always the most hesitant when it came to their petty little game. “Okay, I guess that’s fine,” she said reluctantly. “But don’t overdo it, okay?”

Everyone waited with bated breath, Cherri tossing a small bomb over to the corner near the front door. It was only a few seconds before they heard the click and Alastor stepped in, looking as though he had been through the wringer and was doing his damndest to hold it together. He didn’t even notice any of them, shutting the door behind him and immediately beginning a slow beeline for the stairs.

Angel had only half a second to form the thought that it might not be a great idea after all when Cherri clapped her hands sharply and the little bomb behind Alastor went off with a loud crack and a spark of bright pink light. The sound Alastor made wasn’t quite a scream; it was really more of a startled yip, a high and animalistic noise that hurt Angel’s ears with its sharp edge. He bolted instantly, dropping his microphone staff along the way and running blindly straight into a wall. There was a loud impact as he collided with the immovable structure of the hotel, the sound a little weird and followed by a series of loud yelps. Almost immediately, everyone could see exactly what happened: in his alarm, Alastor’s antlers had expanded, and they were now stuck pretty firmly in the wall.

Cherri was the first one who laughed, but she wasn’t the only one. Angel had to admit, it was funny, watching the big bad Radio Demon struggle to unstick himself from a wall, of all things. The laughter was contagious, spreading through the group in a rippling wave. In moments, the only one who wasn’t laughing was Charlie, who dropped her own script pages and ran straight over to try and help Alastor liberate himself.

Angel leaned forward as Cherri slapped his back in her laughter, and he rubbed a tear of mirth out of his eye, looking over to where Charlie was failing to even approach the struggling overlord. Angel watched as he took a swipe at her with a clawed hand, ineffectually scrabbling at the wall with the other and kicking the baseboard in an attempt to extricate himself without retracting his antlers.

The moment Angel heard Alastor’s distressed keening noise, he realized Alastor couldn’t retract his antlers. He wasn’t just exhausted, he was panicking and…

Humiliated.

Angel jumped to his feet, guilt smothering his amusement like a bucket of water on a birthday candle. “Shut the fuck up!” he yelled over everyone’s cackling, his unusually sharp tone enough to startle all of them into a silence that highlighted the way Alastor’s breathing had become high and far too fast. Angel didn’t bother with any admonishment, instead running over to where the other sinner had trapped himself and taking Charlie by the shoulders. “Move,” he said, not taking his eyes off Alastor.

She looked up at him. “But— but he’s—!”

“I got it. Move.” As Charlie backed off, Angel approached, trying to put himself in Alastor’s line of sight. His sclera had gone entirely black and his smile was tight and stressed; Angel couldn’t actually see, but he was pretty sure Alastor’s irises had turned into radio dials. “Hey, Alastor,” he said gently, immediately bending backwards as the overlord took a vicious swipe at him, too. “Whoa, whoa, big guy, it’s okay.”

When Alastor put both of his hands on the wall and ineffectually shrugged with a cry that was almost pathetic, Angel took the opportunity to swoop in, hoping Alastor’s physiology was as close to human as it looked and that this didn’t get him gutted. He pushed one hand up into Alastor’s hair from his nape, cradling the back of his head with his palm and gently pressing his fingers into the bases of Alastor’s antlers. A second hand cupped the back of Alastor’s neck, thumb and forefinger immediately seeking out the pressure points at the base of his skull. His third hand went to Alastor’s back, stroking down his spine before lifting and repeating the motion as though he was trying to calm a stressed animal. And his fourth hand just rested on Alastor’s shoulder, primarily so he would feel it if the Radio Demon lashed out and could attempt to evade if necessary.

“Hey, Smiles, it’s okay, it’s just me,” Angel said as soothingly as he could when he felt Alastor’s muscles growing so taut that he feared the other demon would snap into pieces. “Shh, it’s okay, ain’t nobody in here gonna give you any shit, I promise. And if they try, I’ll kill ‘em for you, or at least hold ‘em down while you kill ‘em, okay?”

Angel kept up his gentle touches, leaning close to murmur low enough that only Alastor could hear him, and silently marveled at the fact that he was touching Alastor and Alastor was letting him. His hair was soft, and his coat was clearly made from expensive material, but even through the thick cloth Angel’s fingers could have counted his ribs and each individual vertebrae. And slowly, in response to his touch, Alastor actually began to relax. His breath slowed, his smile grew less tense, and with a crackle of broken plaster, his antlers slowly began to recede.

“You can rip everybody up into tiny pieces, and then I’ll help ya make jambalaya or gumbo or whatever you want outta their bits. Or I can make bolognese outta them. Whatever you’re feelin’.” That was enough to get the smallest noise of amusement from Alastor, more of a huff of breath than anything else, but with that his antlers returned to their usual shape.

As he finally freed himself from the wall, Angel made to release him, but Alastor spun to face him at an alarming speed and seized him by his upper arms. “Alastor—?!” Angel’s voice was a soft exclamation, but he froze, watching Alastor hang his head and regain control of his ragged and pained breathing.

Angel was anticipating having his arms ripped straight from his body—nobody touched Alastor, especially not when he wasn’t expecting it—but Alastor just held onto him like he was genuinely afraid Angel was about to disappear. His grip wasn’t even painful, just tight. Desperate, maybe, though with his panic gone Angel couldn’t begin to understand why. But even as he held onto Angel’s arms, Alastor’s wicked claws didn’t so much as scratch him, and his hands… they were soft.

It felt like an hour passed before Alastor’s breathing evened out, but Angel knew it was only a few seconds. Slowly, Alastor raised his head to look up at Angel, his ears laid flat against his head and his eyes wide, but no longer manic. Before, Angel had always associated Alastor’s eyes with the color of blood, but this close… they were more like deep garnet set into rich ruby. For the eyes of a mass murdering serial killer, they were almost alarmingly warm as they caught Angel’s gaze and held it.

“…thank you, Angel.”

The words were spoken so quietly Angel wouldn’t have heard them if Alastor hadn’t been mere inches from him. Before he could even consider formulating a response, the shadows Alastor so fondly called his friends swirled up from the ground, wrapping around his body and pulling him into blackness. It was his hands that pulled away last, gently releasing Angel’s arms and leaving trails with fingertips that made the spider’s flesh tingle. For the briefest moment, Alastor’s shadow remained, and Angel thought it was watching him with something that felt like wary curiosity before it too vanished.

Angel stared at the broken wall and the plaster that littered the carpet as Charlie stormed back to the group, lighting into them for being mean and immediately beginning to lay new ground rules, but Angel barely heard a word she said. He folded his arms and placed his hands where Alastor’s had been moments before, like he could still feel the other sinner holding onto him like a lifeline, and marveled at his own foolishness.

When, he wondered, had he started caring this much about Alastor’s wellbeing? When had Alastor decided that Angel Dust of all people was worthy of breaking his five foot rule, even in such extraordinary circumstances? When had Angel determined it was worth risking his own health and safety to prevent Alastor from hurting himself?

And, most importantly, what was he doing thinking about Alastor at all?

•

The next evening, Angel was in his bedroom cleaning his toys when a dome of shadow manifested on his floor mere feet away from him. He squealed in alarm, launching himself backwards and tumbling off the other side of his bed to land in a graceless heap on his floor. Swearing he could hear something giggling somewhere around him, he grabbed his comforter and hauled himself up, leaning on the mattress with his arms and peering around suspiciously.

The shadow was gone, and Angel didn’t see any threats or blood or threatening animal corpses. He did, however, see a plate sitting on his floor. That plate held a stack of some kind of pastries and a folded card with his name on it.

“…the fuck…” Angel muttered, clambering over his bed and hopping down to land beside the plate. Upon closer inspection, he realized that the plate was full of freshly-baked beignets, generously covered with powdered sugar and still so warm that the sugar was beginning to melt. He picked up the card and looked at the delicate penmanship spelling out ‘Angel Dust’, then flipped it open, taking in the simple message written so beautifully.

Tell no one. You know what will happen if you do.

Angel felt himself actually smiling in a way that he hadn’t for a very long time, folding the card again and pressing the corner to his lips. He considered for a moment, then glanced at a nearby shadow. “You can tell him I ain’t gonna let anybody know he baked somethin’ for me like a sweetheart.” He didn’t see Alastor’s shadow, but he heard another giggle and he knew it was there.

He picked up the plate and carried it to his bed, opening his bedside table drawer and slipping the note in with a few other belongings that he didn’t want anyone else seeing but liked having on hand. As he laid on his bed, petting Fat Nuggets and nibbling on delicious baked goods and texting with Cherri about how Alastor had apparently gotten into her apartment and hidden all of her explosive components around the city, leaving only a very obtuse list of scavenger hunt-style clues… Angel wondered if he was starting to remember what being happy felt like.

•••

[malt-rants-and-stuff]

Having some Tashiro (and prev pres) Thoughts

mostly just re-hashing things my fellow tashiro fans have said but I just felt like making my own post about it. be warned i wrote this while on a 4 hour drive on paper so im not sure how the length translates into a post, this will be a long one haha. also beware of inconsistent caps lock usage.

OBLIGATORY WARNING FOR SASAMIYA FIRST AND SECOND YEAR NOVEL SPOILERS

This whole thing was mainly brought on by two things, one is my non-ssmyverse friend dming me a twt screenshot with the most bland and uninspired description of tashiro's character ive ever read, signaling to me that tumblr has really spoiled me with the good tashiro takes. the other thing was that i got inspired to bring the first and second years novels with me on my previously mentioned long drive, which means that i got the pleasure of rereading both and, most importantly, rereading Tashiro Love & Passion. safe to say i had a lot to think about afterwards.

The whole thing really reminded me of the aspect of tashiro that i've always found interesting: his observant nature. And i dont just mean how he views others, but also how he views himself. How this perspective breaks the most of what we'd expect from a character like him, something Harusono loves to do with their characters.

From the first couple of pages in L&P alone, we get a lot of insight on how tashiro sees himself and how he bases much of that on how others view him.

He mentions a lot of clubs that he was a part of in the past or helped out with, describing his tendency not to stick around one club.

"The all-rounder." A "pinch player" anyone could call on.

I feel like this is an important place to start because just from this we see a bit of how Tashiro breaks from the mold of what an unassuming reader may expect him to be.

In the Sasamiya manga/anime, we dont really have too many chances to really view tashiro for who he is as an individual. with our limited perspective of him, we get to know miyano's friend tashiro, a bright, fun, and earnest character who says whats on his mind and is apparently on the ping pong team with hanzawa which is neat.

and if you werent a bit unhinged like myself and some others, this would be a fair assessment of his character. but ohhh boy once Love & Passion hit the towers there was no turning back.

there have been some posts getting into the themes of this chapter that i feel analyze it better than i ever could, so i wont do that, but i do want to talk about how tashiro's character is portrayed throughout the chapter.

And by far the main part that i want to focus on is how hardworking he is, and his and other's perspectives of him are effected by this.

Because tashiro is someone who wants very very badly to win, as he says numerous times throughout the chapter. Even under the guise of someday getting to quit the ping pong club, he pushes himself to get better; even going as far as practicing against the grannies and grandpas at the bath house that totally didnt adopt him.

For all his complaints, it would be easy to push off his actions as comedic. maybe, and im just making stuff up as i go, saying that he is only behaving as a stereotypical fun-loving slacker would. that his only motive truly is just to leave the club and drift through the rest of his high school days.

But then, that just isnt true is it? what kind of slacker would put so much time and effort into a club that he never even wanted to stick with in the first place?

This my dear friends, is how the Tashiro brainworms Fucking Get You.

Because why indeed, why is tashiro, who drifts through life wondering if he'll ever find his purpose, his Passion if you would, so impressive to the Previous Ping Pong Club President (prev pres) that he finds himself in line for future president?

While tashiro never really seems to figure this mystery out himself, we can take a few guesses.

While we will probably never see prev pres' thought process here (unless we get those 10k words of hanzawa lore that he'd probably be a part of) his actions speak for themselves in a way.

Afterall, this is the same president that got him stuck in this club to begin with, the same one who watched him complain, the same one who'd help drag him back whenever he would try to skip.

He's also the same president who watched him keep to their deal instead of just trying to find a way around it and quitting anyways. the same one who played against him at every practice, watching him learn and grow as a player. who saw him work hard, determined to not bring the team down, even if he wasnt as into it as the others. who saw him stick around.

in his perspective, tashiro takes multiple chances to not how he feels different from the people around him, that he has never known their "love" and never felt their "passion".

He finds himself surrounded by the Passion of others each day. His teammates, his friends, his bath house grandparents, just about everyone in the whole world. but what about him?

i mean, its not as if he's not interested in anything, he has things he likes. hobbies he enjoys. he just... never got that burning Passion, that unabashed Love for something like everyone else seems to have.

I think prev pres understood this part of him. that he saw what tashiro, for all his insightfulness, couldnt see for himself.

because for all tashiro believes that he doesnt have Passion, he sure does love to watch others indulge in theirs.

he takes note of what little he can catch while kuresawa and miyano talk BL, just so he can ask questions later. he gets to know the people at the bath house, listening as they talk about their lives and interests. and while he may not be "super into" in the ping pong club in general, he still wants to see his teammates succeed. he may never have stuck with a club for very long, but he still made himself reliable enough that he's seen as someone they can call to step in when needed.

in my mind i think that is what prev pres saw in him, how tashiro's dedication to see the Passions of others flourish assured him that the club would be safe in his hands.

and, while i cant say tashiro's passion is one specific thing right now, i can say that it encompasses every dream he wants to see grow. every love he curiously watches bloom. every ping pong match he fights to win.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for blocking a friend on instinct? So i (f16) have this friend, (m16) we can call him D, who i've been friends with since kindergarten.

About a year ago, i started growing very close to D through our friend group's dnd campaign we held every friday. I knew him for a long time but that was the first time we had started hanging out out of school. We were talking on snapchat every night just chatting and after a while he started to send much more... revealing snaps. Just his bare shoulders but like without a shirt. He said it was because he had to let his medication for his back dry. I was a little uncomfortable, but we were friends so i didnt think that it would escalate into anything weird.

After about a month, D starts sending snaps in a towel and pictures of his chest which made me very uncomfortable. I kind of let the chatting die down after that because it was the only way i could think of that would be enough to gently let him down easy (i was wrong). I stopped going to the hangouts with that group and kind of distanced myself because how uncomfortable D made me. This only made D try harder to get my attention.

I was still friends with the others in the group so i would often have one-on-one hangouts with the others and watch tv. One thing we watched was Miraculous and we laughed and joked about it all the time. D overheard us or something and went home and binge watched the entire series in a week. Then everytime i ate lunch with that friend group, D would always make direct references to Miraculous or sing the theme song really loud. This wasnt once a day, D would make miraculous references every single minute. He became obsessed with the show (which, for reference of how weird it was, D is a very religious Christian boy. He gets upset if he gets an A- and never drinks caffeine (no problem with any of those things but just understand that kind of guy being deep within the fandom of Miraculous out of all shows 😭)). It was so bad, and it once again was making me very uncomfortable.

Eventually, it got to an insufferable point where D changed his route to go home and made sure to pass me every day after school and wave. I started avoiding him in the halls, he would always ask obscure questions that werent that important. I couldn't understand why he couldn't get that i didnt want to be friends with him anymore so i set boundaries.

A text i sent to D: i apologize if i ever caused any misunderstanding, but i would like to make it clear that im not romantically interested in you. i can see that you have been trying to grow closer, but i dont feel the same way. i don't appreciate being followed around, and i dont like when people force themselves to like the same things i like. its not attractive to be a copy of someone. i enjoy being your friend but it's difficult to disregard these things. if im being totally honest, when you do things like this, it makes me really uncomfortable and borderline creeped out. i know crushes wont disappear overnight but i would appreciate more space. if youre looking for a girlfriend, this isnt the right person, nor the right way to get it. and i wont tell anyone about this so dont worry about word spreading or anything. thank you

D's response: Oh, I'm so sorry I made you think that! I don't have a crush on you, I just noticed how you don't hang out with our friend group as often and I just wanted to make sure that I was being as nice as possible to make sure you weren't mad at us or anything. I did start to think that maybe me trying all that made me seem clingy or annoying, so I'm really sorry for all of that. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I'll try to do better now!

This didnt sit right with me because after all of that i cannot fathom how that translates to "i wanted to include you". This made me question a lot about the situation.

Reasons i feel like i MBTA: i'm over thinking things and D could be a genuinely a nice person. Its hard for me to read the room and i need to work on that and probably apologize to D.

Reasons i feel like i MNBTA: i should trust my instincts rather than ignore them. I've had a psychological abuser in my family before and the situation could be a stalker behavior that i've learned is not ok to have.

What are these acronyms?

[chososlittlecrybaby]

IGURO OBANAI X TSUGUKO READER !¡

Warning contents: Rough sex , biting , choking , spitting , pussy eating , degrading , manhandling , pussy slapping , hair pulling , back shots .

Word count: 2.6k

Summary- Being Iguro’s tsuguko was very draining to say the least. The training was rough and exhausting but you can’t really complain because you chose this course for your life. You’ve been sick of his treatment so you decide to skip training for a bit and go hang out with Tengen.

“Obanai that shit hurts!” You yelled, holding your arm. “You can’t expect to be a hashira and you’re complaining about me hitting you in the arm?” Obanai said, staring daggers at you. “Okay but still! Go easy.” You whined. “Do you think demons are going to go easy on you?” Obanai walked up closer to you.

“Whatever.” You simply said, before getting back into position.

Every day you still think about why you wanted to be Obanai’s tsuguko. His training is so brutal his last ‘tsugukos’ quit. He was a great teacher but he doesn’t know how to hold back. Its been 4 months since I took the position on. Those last 4 months have been hell.

You take a deep breath trying to focus on your total concentration breathing. Then out of no where your face met the ground. “WHAT THE FUCK” You yelled getting up rubbing your forehead. “You need to be quick and persistent.” He said, blankly.

It was only going to take one more drop of sweat for you to snap. You got up off the ground and immediately fell back down on one knee. You suddenly felt liquid run down your face and touched it. You pulled your hand back and seen blood on your finger tips. You looked up at obanai and down at your hand.

“shit” is all you could mutter before you fell limp and passed out.

You woke up in the butterfly mansion with Tanjiro beside your bed. “What happened?” You asked sitting up, letting the covers fall off your shoulders. “You passed out and Mr. Obanai brought you here, but didn’t stay because it’s not that serious” You felt a pang in your heart and you felt tears beginning to spill.

You clutched the sheets and tried to hold back the tears. Plastering a smile on your face. “Oh okay!” You began, lips trembling. “Well im fine now so! You can hurry on ahead. Just let Lady Koucho know im up please!” You said while turning towards other side of the bed getting ready to get up. Your feet dangling off the bed. Your back is towards Tanjiro. “Also let Master Obanai know I wont be back for a few days.”

“Okay sure! Have a well rested recovery Y/n!!” Tanjiro said.

Lady Koucho came in the room and inspected you to make sure that you were okay. As soon as she said you were ready to go, she made some recovering tea.

You finished the tea and got dressed in your regular corps uniform which was very similar to kanao’s.

“Bye lady kochou. Ill come back again if anything seems wrong. You waved at her and left the butterfly estate. You knew at around these times Obanai and Muichiro were patrolling the area so you decided to grab a couple of stuff from Obanais mansion like clothes, and made your way to tengens mansion.

“I can’t believe I was so hurt by what he said. I’m hoping to God that Tanjiro was just lying. but then again he’s so bad at lying, and hates it.” You complained to Tengens muscle mice. you sighed trying to figure out why on earth were you talking to animals. “You know this is kinda creepy right?” Makio said. “I know, I just need to rant. Thanks for letting me stay here.” You said, bowing your head.

“Its fine! We understand what you’re going through and you can stay as long as you want!” Hinatsuru said, popping up our of no where, placing a hand on Makio’s shoulder.

Tears started to form and you immediately started blinking and wiping them from your face. “I appreciate it so much.”

The last 4 days Tengen has trained your total concentration breathing and ways to move more efficient and faster. You were getting ready to go to bed when you felt something slithering up your leg. “GAH WHAT IS THAT” You shrieked, Suma and Makio coming in the room to see whats wrong.

“IS THAT A SNAKE” Suma yelled, hiding behind Makio. When you took a closer look at the snake you could tell that it belonged to the Serpent pillar. “Kaburamaru? Why are you here..” A frown appeared on your face. He slithered his tongue and looked in the direction of the corner in the room.

There he was. Obanai was there. A menacing glare staring at you. Your heart rate started to increase and it felt hot. “Lets go.” He said with utter venom in his voice.

“I-I uh..” You stammered. “It wasn’t a question. Lets go.” He said grabbing you by your arm. “I have to go guys tell tengen and hinatsuru ill be back tomorrow to get my stuff!” you yelled, waving by at them. Watching kaburamaru slither back onto obanai’s neck.

We were finally away from the mansion and on your way to his. “master o-obanai that hurts.” “Do you think I care?” He said still focused ahead of him. “You seem to want to take the initiative on leaving?” Obanai said, tightening his grip. “You missed four days of training. That sets us back.” He said, gritting through his teeth. He was so angry.

“Tengen trained me on total concentration and speeding up my movements.” You said, wincing. “So? Do you really think thats what makes me mad? Don’t be dense.”

“Well I wouldn’t have left if you didn’t treat me like shit.” You said making him stop. “what?” He said, sounding genuinely confused. “Maybe if you stop pointing out my flaws and motivated me, sugar coating what im doing wrong then maybe JUST MAYBE. I wouldn’t have left. You couldn’t even stay with me at the butterfly estate, HELL you couldn’t even visit me. Do you know how painful it is when somebody tells you that your own trainer doesn’t give a fuck about you?” You yelled, running out of breath. “Let go of me!” You attempted to snatch your arm away, failing.

Tears started falling. Your heart was shattered. “You know.. I get where you are coming from. Have once have you ever tried to get to know me?” he said, anger filling in. “PLENTY OBANAI. I have tried to converse with you many times, asked you questions like what your favorite color or food was. You shut me down every time! I hate you” You fell on your knees. The arm obanai was holding still in the air because of his grasp on it. He got down on his knees to level with you. He gripped your face with his hand.

“Im not one to share my feelings with. I have issues with that. Expressing them is a fear that I have. so if I made you feel some type of way, im sorry.” Obanai said. His gaze softening. “Now come on so we can go home.”

The walk home was less awkward but the sexual tension was definitely there. You didn’t think that things would go far with you and obanai.

“Fuck! Iguro please!” You yelled, gripping his hair. His tongue lapping at your clit. He stuck two fingers into you and starting moving in a scissoring motion. “Iguro please its too much!” You yelled. He was dragging a third orgasm out of you. 30 minutes of him just eating your pussy and your legs are a shaking mess. tears rolling down your brown skin. “You need to stop moving. Its making it hard for me to go deeper.” He lowly said. Just then, the sound of his voice made you cum right then and there.

He pulled his fingers out of your cunt and licked his cum coated fingers. Your chest lifted up and down as you tried to catch your breath. “turn over.” He said, flipping you over onto your stomach and pulling your hips up.

He slapped his dick on your ass before sliding it in. Snaking his arms around your waist to slap your pussy. You cry out in pain and pleasure. “Fuck, im surprised you didnt let Tengen fuck you.” He said, sliding in and out of your cunt.

“Well, you probably went there to be a slut, but it didn’t quite work out for you huh?” He said, rubbing harsh circles on your pussy. “T-Thats not true!” You gasped.

“Shut up.” He said, pulling your hair, your back meeting with his chest. “Next time im going to fuck you with your corps uniform on. Its going to make you look more like a whore than you already are.” He said , wrapping his arm around your waist.

It came to the point that the pleasure was too much. You attempted to scoot away since he had his arm wrapped around you. “Stop running and take it.” He said harshly, slapping in between your inner thighs. A red spot forming on your tanned skin.

“O-obanai, go slower!” You reached behind you scratching at his neck. Obanai slowly raised his head down to your shoulder biting your shoulder. Breaking skin. “you taste amazing.” He said, licking at the blood.

“You’re trembling.” He said, blankly. “It feels so good.” You mumbled out. Something in him snapped. He felt a wave of possession wash over him.“Say it again. Say it.” He said. Snapping his hips into you, reaching your cervix causing you to spasm. “Iguro, it feels so good!” You yelled out. “Yeah im making you feel good. I better not catch somebody else fucking this pussy. Im going to make sure that this pretty pussy remembers my dick and its shape.” Obanai said hitting deeper parts. A white ring started to form around obanais dick.

“Awee look at that. This pussy is holding onto me for dear life.” He said, slapping your clit a couple times and then rubbing it. A whole bunch of pleases came out of your mouth before you felt something unfamiliar forming.

Obanai kept rubbing your pussy until you finally let go. Your pussy started spasming around his dick. Obanai let out a chuckle that turned into a hysterical laugh. “I got you to squirt.” He said, looking at his hand with your juices on them. His long tongue licked a stripe up his hand. “oh thats perfect.” He said, eyes rolling back at your taste.

“please tell me you’re done..” You said , drained. “We could be, but I still want to cum.” He said, putting a fake pout on his face. He began Thrusting into you again. You jerking with every thrust. He let out breathy moans and some occasional “fucks”

“ah.. fuck” He said, cumming deep inside you. Letting out a low groan.

“Fuck.. you.” You said out of breath. He pulled out and flipped you on your back. Grabbing your throat and prying your mouth open. “Take what I give you.” He said before spitting in your mouth. You’re eyes went wide. “Swallow it.” You obeyed like the perfect tsuguko you were. “Mhm thats right.” He said, looking at you with his different colored eyes. “You’re so beautiful mama.” He said before collapsing onto you. Leaving you a heated mess.

OHH MY GODDDD!! I FOUND THIS SO FREAKING ENTERTAINING WHILE WRITING BC SJESHVDHSJSN OWMEHEMsfndlslaoaJSHWJ OBANAI SUPREMACY

[grossdyke]

Jen i would absolutely love for you to go on a rant, short or long whatever, about why people seem to hate tall lily so much? Or even lesbian lily? I feel like a lot of people act as though you HAVE to headcanon her as short but if you bring up canon they’re like “nobody gaf about canon anymore” 😭

hello babes i would LOVE to rant about tall lily, feminism & lesbianism.. 🤍

ive said this before, but people hate ugly women!! and an ugly woman is measured by how desired she is through patriarchal standards/a heteronormative lense. and especially, girls are terrified of being ugly. which is honestly really sad:((( i am too !!! still !! as ive also said before, i haven’t shaved my legs (or anything on my body) since i was 20 and i often wear shorts during the summer. it doesn’t make me uncomfortable anymore but i would be lying if i said i didnt notice how certain people (mainly men) treat me differently !! and like. a patriarchal society loves a petite submissive breedable woman and a lot of women have a hard time breaking free from the patriarchal choke hold/are scared of toeing the line outside of male validation. and i get it ! i still fill in my eyebrows and eyelashes because i cant get it out of my head that im ugly or look tired without it. its hard !!!!! people just hate tall lily because people hate ugly women and ugly women are measured by patriarchal standards

people hate lesbian lily because people hate lesbians. as soon as people realise that lesbians genuinely have no interest in men they freak the Fuck Out. and people become hostile. like what do gay men, bi men, bi women & straight women all have in common…… being attracted to men. they all have a common ground, a middle where they can meet. and lesbians dont go there ! lesbians aren’t relatable. lesbians aren’t easy to understand because being a lesbian means being on the outside of absolutely everything. and people like genuinely can’t (and wont) comprehend that. like people honestly dont comprehend that lesbians have no desire to form relationships with men romantically and oftentime even platonically!! like people CANT wrap their heads around that. lesbianism can be very lonely and very isolating because it’s the one and only sexuality about dedicating your life to women only ! it’s the only sexuality that excludes men. and people hate women ! and cant comprehend not prioritizing men or male validation ! so people hate lesbian lily because people just either hate lesbians or simply don’t care for lesbians because they can’t (if they’re not lesbians themselves) make it about themselves lmao and why would they ?? women are the secondary sex (already less interesting) so why would it interest anyone to talk about lesbian lily if she’s a lesbian (exclusively attracted to the secondary sex). thats no fun unfortunately

[starions]

end of the line, we finally reached the edge after all this time.

pairing ; miguel o'hara x gn!spider!reader

words ; 2472

summary ; miguel finds himself face-to-face with you—or a dark, twisted version of you.

tags ; angst, reader has hypnosis powers, reader is described with hair long enough to pull, no use of y/n, gender neutral pronouns/use of second person, i kinda don't know how symbiotes work

han's note ; still written with my spidersona in mind but it is very vague still! i recommend reading part one "i didn't find my love, but i still made it this far without it" because it wont make much sense without it. title is still an ethel cain lyric <3

part one

;

As Miguel stepped outside of the portal, he was greeted by you. Not physically, but with your mask covered face plastered on every surface available. It seemed like this Earth—Earth-799—was on track to become similar to his own, with megacorporations feeding advertisements to consumers wherever they looked, influencing them to buy things out of indulgence and not necessity. He wondered, were you a pawn of these capitalists, or were you playing their game right alongside them? He looked around the city, trying to find Jess, but his vision was blocked by either electronic screens or holograms of you advertising some product.

This was his own personal nightmare.

“Jess,” he said to his Gizmo, “where are you?”

A tiny hologram of Jess appeared from his Gizmo, looking rightfully pissed off. “Why did it take you so long to show up?”

“Don't worry about it,” he said. “Where are you?”

“Meet me on top of Stark Coffee on Lexington and 3rd. I’ll fill you in when I see you.” With that, the call ended, and Miguel was left just alone with your smiling face at every angle.

In an instant, Miguel began swinging throughout your New York City, careful not to attract too much attention. The sun was beginning to set, and the twinkling lights of the buildings and advertisements were illuminated off his blue suit. He hoped this would go by quickly, smoothly. Catch the anomaly, return back home. He wouldn’t have to see your face in person, and he definitely wouldn’t have to set foot on this Earth centered around you again. Miguel considered himself rational, and logically, never meeting you again would be a guarantee that your life would continue on, unchanged. He flew with ease, managing to find the rooftop of Stark Coffee in no time at all. Jess stood, arms crossed and face with the beginning signs of bruises. He’d have to send her to the infirmary for a quick check up.

“Are you okay?” Miguel said, landing on his feet and walking over to Jess; he gave her a once over, noticing a few tears in her suit. Miguel tssked, shaking his head. “You need to be more careful.”

“Fine,” Jess said, annoyance in her tone. “Maybe next time, backup will come quicker.”

“Good,” he said, ignoring her quick remark and looking across the rooftop and to the streets below. “What are we looking at here? Where’s the anomaly?”

Jess taps onto her Gizmo, pulling up information about whatever she had been chasing prior to his arrival. “According to Lyla, it's a symbiote from Earth-901220; it’s attached itself to this Earth’s Spidey. They’re incredibly slippery, as you can tell.”

Miguel’s jaw clenched underneath his mask. So much for not seeing you face-to-face. How could this have possibly happened without him noticing? “How long has it been attached?”

“A little under 12 hours.”

“Good, should be easy to detach then, where did you—”

“You brought a friend!” Miguel’s head snapped to the sound of the voice that rang out in the air. He hadn’t heard that voice in person in a long, long time—yet, there was a darkness twisted into it, something chilling, an effect of the symbiote. Standing on the edge of the rooftop, you looked him up and down. Your once red and white Spider-Suit was now tainted black, absorbed by the symbiote. You tilted your head, smiling wildly and showing fangs that rivaled his, and the black mask covering only your eyes crinkled with your smile. “He looks scary,” you teased. “Sorry you had to call for backup,” you said to Jess, “your ego must be bruised.”

She sneered. “Listen, if you just come with us, we can get that thing off of you.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, laughing. “This thing has been the best thing to happen to me in such a long time,” you extend your arms out like wings and tilt your head back, feeling the breeze in your hair. “I haven’t felt this free in so, so long.”

“Enough of this,” Miguel snapped. “You’re coming with us. Now.”

Slowly, you moved your head back toward Miguel, staring at him with dark, unrecognizable eyes and resting your arms back on your sides. You hmmed, as if in deep contemplation. “No. I don’t think I will.” With that, you fell backwards off the roof.

Miguel rushed to the edge, looking around. You were nowhere to be seen. “God damn it!” He turned toward Jess. “Go after them on your bike, I’ll be in the air.”

Miguel leaped off the roof, talons digging into the brick roof for more momentum. He shot neon orange webs out of his forearms, eyes straining to catch a glimpse of your black suit against the illuminated lights of the inner city. Miguel held firmly onto the web-line as he glided across the city, finally catching a glimpse of you haphazardly webbing away, destroying the electronic screens with your face on them as you went.

Miguel followed the trail of destroyed advertisements, calling your name as he etched closer. “Stop!” He yelled, getting close enough to you to grab onto your loose hair.

You yelped from the pain, losing your momentum and falling on top of a taxi cab. “Asshole!” You cried out, back stinking momentarily as you got back to your feet. The driver of the cab jumped out of the cab, yelling profanities, and all you did was point to the blue-and-red suited man chasing after you. “His fault!”

You made a mad dash away from Miguel, running across hoods of cars and cabs as you shoot another web out of your wrist, gaining enough speed to make a pendulum out of yourself. Your web-line attaches onto a nearby billboard, and you propel yourself forward as you maneuver through the city streets. 

Miguel cursed to himself; you were incredibly limber, able to move through this labyrinth of skyscrapers. This is what Miguel hated about traveling to new dimensions—even though it was the same city as his own, the buildings were different; the landmarks were different; everything was different. You had a general sense of where you were going, him on the other hand, he had no idea.

What Miguel did know, however, were your weaknesses. All that time he spent, analyzing your skills and weaknesses, gave him leverage you did not have on him. Judging by what he was seeing now, the symbiote was amplifying your skills, not improving them. That must mean that the same skills you lack were ever present, and Miguel had plans on exploiting them. 

He watched as you landed on top of a rooftop to catch your breath, stopping midswing to land on the rooftop next to it. Hiding from your view, he watched as you wiped sweat from your forehead, looking around for signs of him or Jess. Miguel scoffed at your expression; you seemed disappointed. You liked this game of cat and mouse. Too bad he was about to end it.

As you were getting ready to launch your web again, Miguel leaped into action, taking advantage of the blindspot you had on your left side. You yelped as he grabbed onto your waist, rolling the two of you over a few times before finally pinning your wrists above your head.

“No fair,” you said, shifting in his grip. “I was having fun.”

Miguel ignored you. “Jess,” he said into his Gizmo, “I got them.”

“On it,” Jess replied, the roar of her bike engine in the back, “tracking your location.”

“You’re the boss, right?” You asked from underneath him.

He grunted, tightening the grip on your wrist. What he needed to do was sink his teeth in your neck, paralyzing you like any other anomaly; but he didn’t know the effect of his venom on another Spider-Person, and the thought of hurting you scared him.

“Can you take your mask off?” You asked. “I wanna see the man who captured me.”

“No.”

“Why?” You asked, tilting your head up at him. “Are you ugly?”

He scoffed. “Quite the opposite.”

“Ohh I see, you’re just a tease.” You grinned, a fang poking out of your lip. “Come on, you show me yours, I’ll show you mine. How’s that?”

Miguel hesitated. Everything in him was telling him to ignore them, to web them up and get them back to HQ as quickly as possible, but… he hadn’t seen your face in such a long time. If he could just humor you, once, he could see you in person again. Everything he wished against an hour before. The last image of your face was beaten to a bloody pulp, and he would like to erase that memory.

With a sigh, Miguel nodded, his holographic mask dissipating to reveal his face.

You ooo’d. “Handsome,” you said. “My turn.” In an instant, the symbiote acting as your mask crawled off your face and onto your suit below, uncovering your face to the man pinning you down.

His gaze softened as he took in your features. There was a new scar next to your eyebrow, the mole on your face was on the opposite side, and your eyes were a slightly different color, but it was you. The one he lost, all those years ago.

“Weird reaction,” you said with a quirked eyebrow. “I’ll keep that reaction in my back pocket for later, though.” You looked up at where his large hand still had your wrists pinned down. “This was fun and all, but I’m kinda over it, so…” You looked back at him, staring into his red eyes. “You’re going to let me go now.”

For some reason, Miguel couldn’t break eye contact with you. Your words flooded him with warmth, and all the signals in his brain were turning off one by one. “Let you… go?”

You nodded, smiling softly. “Let me go.”

He did what he was told, his hand released your wrists. As he climbed off you, he made no move to recapture you as he sat on the rooftop, dazed by your words.

“Bye boss man,” you said, as the symbiote mask crawled back on your face. “Tell the cute biker girl I said bye too!”

With that, you propelled yourself off the rooftop, and Miguel sat stumped, entirely confused. After a second, he regained his senses. What the fuck. What the fuck? He didn’t have time to question whether or not that was the symbiote or part of your Spider powers. He immediately called Jess. “Don’t look them in the eyes,” he said, swinging off the rooftop as his mask appeared back on his face. “They have some sort of hypnosis power.”

“I’m assuming they got away?” Jess said over the sound of traffic. “Because I’m looking at them right now.”

Miguel spotted Jess’ bike up ahead, swerving around traffic to get to the symbiote-ridden Spidey wreaking havoc across New York City. “Unintentionally,” he said, making his way toward the two of them.

“Right,” Jess said, as she sped up her bike. She used a nearby ramp to propel her bike upward enough to meet you at the lower height of your swing, hitting you with her bike. You stumbled in mid air, somersaulting before webbing yourself to the nearest building you could find. With a glare towards her, you shot your web at a traffic light, using all your strength to bring it down. In seconds, a collision of cars blocked her path toward you. “You should make sure no one is hurt! You are Spider-Woman, after all.” You called out to Jess, swinging away from the mess you created.

“You deal with that!” Miguel said into his Gizmo. “I got them this time.” He was sure of it too; he wasn’t going to let you make a fool of him again.

Miguel moved hastily, zipping past the waves of people filming the chase on their smartphones and watches. You swung from building from building, using your Spider-Sense to detect the best course to deter the masked man following behind you. You laughed maniacally, enjoying the thrill of being chased, doing spins and twirls as if you were playing some sort of game.

The laughing stopped and was replaced with a grunt of pain as you suddenly glitched, blocks of colors and shapes cutting your web-line mid swing, a reminder that the symbiote that had claimed you was not part of this dimension.

You came crashing down, smashing face first on an electronic billboard advertising some sort of cherry flavored vodka. You slowly slumped down on the catwalk, unmoving as Miguel landed next to you.

He paused, blood running cold. He hoped—prayed—that you would move, that he didn’t just kill you again. When he saw you stir, he felt himself let out a sigh of relief.

Meekly, you sat up, turning on your knees to face him. “I’m gonna feel that in the morning,” you said, rubbing your head. “I bet it will feel like a hangover,” you said, pointing to the billboard and laughing weakly. “Get it?”

“That’s funny,” Miguel said plainly, before using his webs to tie you up. He knelt down, holographic mask coming off so this time, he really could paralyze you. He couldn’t risk you using that power again. His hand found purchase in your hair, yanking your head to the side to expose your neck. His fangs sunk in, and his venom seeped in, ready to attack your veins.

Your eyes widened at the feeling of fangs piercing you, but your lids fluttered lowly as the venom enacted almost immediately. “Didn’t want this…” You said quietly. “Thought I could be… someone else. Not Spider…” You couldn’t finish your words, your head slumping down as your body went still.

Miguel caught you in his arms as you keeled over just as Jess landed on the railing.

“Told you they were slippery,” Jess said, shaking her head. “They gonna be okay?”

“Should be,” Miguel said, looking down at you. He recalled the last time he held you in his arms, right after you had been murdered. He shook the thought out of his head. “I didn’t use enough venom to cause any lasting effects, but that means it should wear off soon. Ready the portal, we’ll get this symbiote off somewhere safe.”

Jess looked at your unmoving body with concern, before tapping a few buttons on her Gizmo.

The yellow portal opened at once, and Miguel scooped you up. He looked down at your features one last time, a thousand questions and fears flooding his head at once. Now wasn’t the time to ponder, or question whether or not taking you with them would be bad for everyone. Right now, his focus was on saving your life. Without a second thought, Miguel stepped into the portal, reluctant to show you his world.

[shreddeddescent]

Oh don't apologize about writing this, we are literally reading it too! I find the story interesting and like, yeah it is fucked up, but I'm having fun reading it too 💪💪💪

Also, how does Mikey feel about all this? I was thinking about that because he likes to deny the has 'adult problems' like you said, so I am really wondering about how he's dealing with all that is happening

🌠👾

ughhhh god...... the mikey can of worms about this specifically is exactly what that was about and whats been really tough to talk about. like this specific scene was what i had to get up and walk away from cuz it was painful.

he's not okay. he also doesnt care about it, cuz hes like... ugh you know what. i think i should actually just share this whole thing i wrote about it. this one is rough. nothing graphic, but if you wanna see how fucking not okay this kid is despite how much he's pretending he can be? yeah. hes gonna talk about his bullshit for the first time ever, and something bad had happened to mikey before. and he doesnt even know what.

which is like where i think the whole climax of this arch is going in my head. i havent written it all out yet. im being tugged along on a journey, yknow.

warnings for csa and incest and like. very poor coping mechanisms. all of it this one hurt me personally the most in the end.

theres some implications of things going on in the background, cuz at this exact moment none of the characters have been coping well hence the fucking.... need for these adults. raph needed to be alone to spiral about the 3 kids by himself, leo needed to be put to bed (by mikey) cuz he got way too high after realizing how much he'd been personally juggling everybody else, and donnie wont mind his buisness about anything, mikey had a go at him about it which resulted in him trying to help mikey with his current 'im having traumatic sex dreams' problem. but donnie is the same age and wasnt gonna be able to help much.

if any of it sounds confusing im sorry. id try and do a whole. fic thing about it but i really dont know if i can. whats important here is the mikey part. cuz this is where it all came to a head.

also mentions of lita, whos raph's little alter. the one that was only ever around for shredder. until recently

--

Mikey was glad that Donnie seemed better when he left the bathroom. He seemed to have been spiralling about whatever was going on between Leo and Raph.

He was pretty sure the idea of sex repulsed his twin, despite his attempts to explain it to him. He was a good brother. But it really wasn’t worth worrying about if Raph and Leo needed to be away from each other. It was weird he cared.

Donnie cared about too many fucking things.

Mikey had spent an extra long time in the bathroom, thinking over if he felt any attraction like Donnie said. He’d thought about exploring his body, but the idea reminded him of Raph. He really didn’t want it to but it did. The first time he’d seen his own penis was when it was forced into his sleeping brother.

His brother who felt like his mom.

It fucking broke something inside of him. He was trying like hell to be the baby Raph needed, to be okay for him, so he wouldn’t make Raph worse. But in the back of his mind he did know he wasn’t okay. And maybe he was just age regressing to cope. Maybe he was only getting angry at everyone cuz he couldn’t help the age regressing.

It was easy to feel like a baby when you were so malnourished as a child that you looked way younger than you should. Father had seen to that. He didn’t take care of him and then blamed Raph for his condition. And maybe he just didn’t want Raph to feel bad about it anymore.

And he had recently remembered.. something. Childhood Raph who wasn’t Raph. Raph leaving crying, coming back Lita and not crying. And… Lita apologizing for something.

The rest was a mystery. A mystery he’d thought he might be able to uncover in therapy with Big Mama, but now?! Now there was this whole… situation!

So he was just sitting with Donnie quietly, watching dumb shit on YouTube. Ignoring his feelings.

They’d seen Leo very not so subtly leave his room. He still stunk. He walked funny and airheaded, but as long as he wasn’t gonna bother Raph, who cared where he went.

…Mikey cared a little. And he was the only one who saw how much weed he’d smoked.

So after about 5 minutes he sighed and felt the need to get up and see if he could find him.

He went out in his red hoodie and some fresh sweatpants, it was night time and maybe he went outside.

He wandered the hall and felt that vertigo feeling again. He hated it, he didn't feel present. Made him think of the drugs from the cages. The drugs he’d been extra pumped full of for being good at fighting them off. That made it worse.

He rested against the wall for a moment and rubbed his eyes.

“Hey, little man.”

He blinked and looked up. It wasn’t Leo.

Jennika was there, in a loose white shirt and cargo pants. She got down into a squat in front of him and smiled.

“Are you okay?”

He felt like maybe he was standing on a fault line.

“Sorry… I’m kinda queasy…” he mumbled.

She eyed the place he was standing and gently gripped his shoulders, tugging him about 3 feet to the left.

The feeling faded and he sighed out in relief.

“Better?”

“Yeah..” he took a deep breath and stood up straight, smiling at her. “You’re…. I know who you are now.”

She stood at her full height and rubbed the back of her neck.

“Yeah… sorry I was uh… lying before. I guess I wasn’t really lying? But you know.”

He nodded slowly and smiled. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to find you. You seemed kinda.. not okay?”

Mikey laughed and shook his head. “Nah! I’m good! I’m fine, I’m just looking for Leo, he’s the one who’s not good.”

“Leo’s alright. I saw him earlier. Kirby’s kinda.. talking him down from his high I think.”

“Oh! Wow! Kirby’s talking to Leo?” He smiled up at her, that was exciting. He knew Leo seemed upset about being ignored by his…. Son. “That’s good. I think that’s good for him.”

She nodded and held out her hand. “Do you wanna walk somewhere? These walls are so… migraine city.”

Mikey looked up at her curiously and beamed. “Sure!” He took her hand and squeezed it softly.

She squeezed back and they walked to the elevator together. He noticed when she was inside there were more buttons and she pushed one.

She seemed a little shy so he tugged on her arm. She looked down at him curiously.

“Can I call you Jenny? Or is Jennika better?”

“You can call me whatever you want, I don’t mind.”

“Raph said you're trans like him. So that means you probably chose your own name, right? I mean... he didn’t. Cuz he’s.. his situation’s weird, but am I right?”

She blinked and smiled softly.

“Yeah.. I did. Is it… a cool name?”

“Yeah! So if you chose it that makes it extra important, so I wanna make sure I say it how you want it said. Jen-nick-kah. I like it!”

She took in an audibly shaky breath and looked back at the buttons.

“Th…thanks Mikey…”

He squeezed her hand.

“I uh… I don’t think you’re looking at me for like… ugh.. dad approval. But like, you seem cool.”

She smiled and laughed a little. “No, I’m definitely not, but thanks. I feel a little.. weird to be honest. But I hope we can clear the air?”

He smiled up at her genuinely and nodded. “I’d like that.”

The elevator doors opened into a lobby Mikey hadn’t seen before. They’d been portaled from the city straight into Big Mama’s office. This was an actual entrance.

And… it was a button they got blocked from pressing? He’d need to think about that later.

Jennika walked with him out of the building and Mikey came into contact with a whole other world. They were in a courtyard of sorts, a city street across from them. The sky was pitch black, because it wasn’t a sky, it was high dark cave walls that stretched beyond what he could see. There were floating crystals for street lamps lighting the streets.

The streets were full of yokai, going about their days. Shopping at storefronts of magic and mundane. It seemed busy. It seemed normal.

He stopped in his tracks and Jennika turned to look at him worriedly.

“Are you okay?”

“W-where…” He kept staring over at the street. There were weird chariots for cars, and creatures flying above his head.

This wasn’t New York City. 

She seemed to realize what was wrong and her eyes widened. “Oh! You’ve.. never been to the Hidden City. Oh shit. This was stupid Kirby’s gonna kill me.”

Mikey stumbled back into a fountain in the courtyard and sat on it. He looked behind him and he could see the exterior of the hotel for the first time.

A skyscraper that existed underground, he couldn’t even see the top because of how dark it was up there.

He rubbed his temples and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.

“Mikey are you okay?!” She sat down beside him and put her hand on his shell.

“I… yeah.. it’s just a lot…” he didn’t open his eyes but he did lean into her. “I don’t get out much, I guess. I’d be more excited if it hadn’t been… a day.”

He might have been letting his very well crafted facade slip.

She rubbed his shell. “I just thought we could go get some ice cream and talk it out. I thought maybe the hotel was a dumb place to talk, but maybe that’s my bad… I didn’t think about how weird this would be, I’m sorry.”

He looked up at her. She looked anxious and guilty.

So he thought about what she’d just asked and blinked up at her.

“Hidden city has ice cream? Like somewhere I could try every flavour? Cuz we fit in down here?!” He asked excitedly.

Her eyes widened and she beamed. “Yeah! That’s exactly what I was tryina do!”

He jumped up and tugged her arm.

“Show me! Show me show me!”

She grinned and stood up, jogging with him down the street.

He was laughing as they ran goofily down the street. People were staring but not because they were freaks, just cuz they were having fun.

They found a storefront for ice cream and there was a many armed person at the till. Jennika boldly asked for two samples of every flavour and it earned a very annoyed look from the clerk. She slid some kind of hidden city money over with an apologetic smile to make it worth their time which cheered them up.

There was some weird flavours in there he’d never heard of. Some sounded like fruits that didn’t exist, others were weirdly goopy or fleshy in nature. One even made them breathe fire, it was fun. They had a laugh.

By the time they’d tried everything Mikey was given some kind of mix of 5 flavours in a bowl with a spoon, and Jennika got the same.

So they walked down the street eating ice cream together. Like they were normal people having a normal outing.

It was so weird how normal it felt.

She showed him a park to walk through, the trees and plants were purple instead of green which was cool.

They sat down at a bench facing a glowing green lake to sit and eat. It was peaceful. He liked it.

“So how are you?” She finally asked, scooping ice cream in her mouth.

“Kinda confused. You’re really nice and cool, but like… you’re.. you know. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel… like, I feel kinda silly? But also.. feel kinda bad?” He was squishing the ice cream together, mixing the colours absentmindedly in the bowl.

She hummed and swallowed back her current bite, placing the bowl down beside her. “I can tell you how I see it. Which is that you’re like.. a brother. Like I know where I come from, but you’re just a kid, and you’re a kid on your own and that makes me sad, and I feel like I’m standing right here in front of you with like.. I dunno, open ears. No that’s not the phrase..” she tapped her chin as she tried to think.

Mikey looked up at her curiously. “Open arms?”

She snapped her fingers and grinned down at him. “Yeah! Open arms. I know it’s weird. I'm not trying to make you feel weird, I just wanna listen if you need someone.”

He looked down at his bowl and took a small bite. He wasn’t sure how well some of this went together but he liked it all the same. A big fucked up hodgepodge of deliciousness.

“I… don’t want you to feel weird. Maybe I’m hoping we’re just gonna be a big family with ease and nobodies gonna have any problems anymore and I can just be normal and not worry anymore.”

She smiled sadly and bumped his arm with hers.

“I’d like to be a family like that, but I think it won’t be so easy. And that’s okay. I wanna put work in, we all do. I think it’s worth a try, and I’m kinda old enough that I can handle whatever you wanna throw at me.”

He glared at the lake with a tired look in his eye. “Just cuz you’re old doesn’t make you able to handle stuff. Old people never handle stuff good as far as I’ve seen. I guess that’s not fair… I just think I’ve seen my brothers get hurt over and over cuz people don’t care how they come off to us. Cuz Shredder treated us like animals, and Splinter…” he sighed. That was a whole can of worms. “She’s old, and yet she felt more emotionally stupid than everybody else. Than her own kids.”

He blinked and realized he’d been talking a bunch and looked up at her. She was just watching him with a sad look.

“Sorry. I’m fine. Thanks for the ice cream, it's good!” He put his happy voice back on and shoved more in his mouth. He thought about how much he could fit at once before swallowing so he took bigger bites. 

“I’m… sorry your mom wasn’t good to you. I’m extra sorry your dad was…” she sighed. “I guess adults really let you down a lot. I’m sorry.”

He shrugged and swallowed back his huge mouthful of ice cream. And then he felt the brain freeze and cupped his head. “Auuuugh there it is! Brain freeze!”

She hummed a laugh and rubbed his shell. “You’re trying to avoid talking. You wanna seem like a happy normal kid don’t you? You’re putting on an act.”

That hurt more than the brain freeze.

He groaned and kept holding his head as it passed, she was holding him to distract from the hurt in his brain.

“How do you know I’m acting! Maybe I’m just immature!”

“Maybe. But maybe you know you’re hurting and you don’t wanna make it my problem for some reason.”

He furrowed his brow and looked away.

“Is it cuz you think I’m like your kid? Cuz really… I really don’t see me like that Mikey…”

“No, it’s not that..” he sighed. He wasn’t sure what it was. He’d been able to talk to Donnie, he’d wanted to talk to Leo. But Jennika was actually asking him how he felt and he could only sit there thinking of ways to seem like he was a baby again. Ways to try and seem normal, like a good kid brother who makes her want to take care of him normally, so he wouldn’t scare her off, or traumatize her!

Oh…

“It’s cuz you make me think of Raph…”

She took a deep breath and nodded knowingly, sighing.

“You don’t talk to him about how you feel. You just go baby made. So you wanna do that with me too.”

“I’m sorry… I’ve got issues. People think I don’t but…” he sighed. “I don’t know..”

She patted his back. “I'm not Raph. I’m not your mom. I’m your cooool big sister! And I know you’ve got issues, I’m open, I’m here. Hit me.”

He looked up at her nervously.

“I…” he looked around. It was really empty here. He decided to lay his head in her lap. “Is this okay..?”

He felt her hand gently stroke his head. “Yeah, that’s okay..”

He took a few deep breaths. “I keep thinking about the cages… about.. what happened. I’m really embarrassed about it, and ashamed of myself… it’s stupid cuz I know it’s not my fault, but the.. specifics of what hurt me was all related to this..” he sighed and closed his eyes. “Weird relationship I have with him, where I try to let him be my mom cuz I never had one. And maybe it’s cuz he’s female and I imprinted on him as a baby, or maybe it’s just cuz I was so small and he was so worried about me.. but the… the mixing of these two things in my head, the 'mama Raph' and the fact I….” He felt tears rolling down his cheeks and he sobbed audibly. It was getting uncontrollable.

She just rubbed his head. He heard her sniff but didn’t look up. He just let her pet him and tried to collect himself.

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t… know what to do, I know you’re not… but I’d never even seen my body before my dad made me use it against my will, a-and so I’m just.. b-back to baby mode, h-hoping I never grow up and have to think about it again…”

“God… Mikey I’m fucking sorry, that sounds like so much…” she was probably crying but kept petting him. He wasn’t sure how to respond now. “I… I think it sounds like you know you shouldn’t do that. That you’re like… pushing stuff down to make yourself seem okay. I think maybe you wanna be worried about normally just so you feel normal, maybe that’s why you’re acting like that…” he chanced a look up at her. She might have looked like him, but the way she was crying over him made her look like Raph. So he was crying in her lap quietly.

He looked away and clutched the fabric of her pants. “I’m.. not trying to act out… I just really don’t want these grown up problems, I-I wanna worry about stupid stuff, n-not wake up with my thing out cuz I h-had a nightmare…”

She took a deep shaky breath and blew it out slowly. “We don’t get to choose to not grow up. I know why you want to? But look at me. If I could have stayed a kid forever I probably would have. I hated puberty. Being a grown up sucks. But you can’t stop it. And you’ve gotten forced into the worst thing, but it doesn’t make you grown up, it just.. means you have to deal with something complicated. I... think ignoring that kinda problem won’t make it go away, and if you need to talk to someone about.. all that gross complicated stuff you’re scared of, I’m here. I’ve had lots of weird feelings over the years, going from like.. weapon to person, boy to girl.. you can tell me more if you want. Maybe I’ll get it.”

Mikey sat up and wiped his eyes. “I.. I haven’t even been asking about you, I’m so sorry Jennika…”

She smiled sadly and draped her arm over his shoulder, pulling him close and giving him a gentle shake. “No, it’s fine! You’re having a bad day. I wanna help with that, don’t worry about me at all.”

He looked up at her sadly, pressing his head against her chest.

“I-it’s weird.. if I’m not your dad, that probably means Raph’s not your mom right..?”

She sighed and looked at the lake. “No… he’s not. It’s kinda complicated, cuz there’s a piece of my heart that still.. I dunno, craves a mom? So that’s why I was so weird when he called me beautiful… but he’s not, he’s my brother just like you are.”

He looked over at the lake. “Is it weird that I think of him as my mom..?”

“No… Not at all, I get it. He’s been your caretaker, and he likes doing that.”

Mikey nodded slowly. “Then.. you get why its… fucking with my head that I’ll dream about the cage, and wake up like that.. why I feel sick to my stomach about it…”

“God, yeah I get that… I would be scared.”

“And I can’t cry to him about it, cuz it’s about him…”

She nodded slowly. “And that would make it worse.. yeah. I’m sorry Mikey…” she rubbed his shoulder. “Okay.. so this will be weird no matter what, but like.. you had the bird and bees talk? And any other talks about your body and stuff..?”

He looked up at her and shrugged sadly. “How much talk needed? We already made you.. think I get where babies come from…”

She looked down at him sadly and then gently rubbed his head. “Oh.. buddy that doesn’t mean you know everything. Did Splinter never…?”

He looked away. “Maybe she tried. Maybe I ran away. I don’t know, I don’t remember…”

She nodded and kept rubbing his head. “Okay. Let’s jump past babies and stuff. I think what you’re describing is like a sex dream, and it’s one you’re having cuz you got forced into it. A trauma dream, making you relive the only time you’ve ever felt arousal. You can’t control it, it's not your fault, it’s a natural response. It doesn’t mean you actually feel aroused by Raph, that you actually want him like that. It’s… ugh I’m sorry. Consent is a better place to maybe start this. Consent and body autonomy and finding a partner you trust…?” She shifted a little.

He looked up. She seemed a little frustrated that she couldn’t find the words.

He sighed and idly squeezed her knee. “I know what you’re trying to say. That I was raped. That I raped Raph but I didn’t, that he raped me but he didnt… dad raped us. Used us to rape each other. I… I know that.”

She looked down at him sadly, clearly sad about how much he was using the word. But he should be allowed to say it over and over again!

“Yeah…”

“I’m too young for sex. I don’t want a sex partner or whatever. I don’t want to have to worry about that, but I’m scared that I’m…” he keeled over and started crying out of nowhere. “I-I think maybe when I was little dad raped me too..? W-when Lita.. I-I can’t remember it… sh-she said I saw something I w-wasn’t supposed to… sh-she seemed so fucking sorry… a-and that’s all I’ve been thinking about for a week… a-and nobody cares!”

Jennika gently shook him and she was crying too. “I care! Fuck Mikey I care so much, I’m so fucking sorry!”

“E-everyone’s been tiptoeing around it! L-like around Raph! A-and maybe I wanted to go to therapy and talk about it! T-talk to Lita! Get more information! B-but there was the… th-the YOU situation! A-and he was traumatized enough! A-and now Big Mama is evil and I-I can’t!”

She took a deep shaky break and wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in her lap for a hug. He let her as he sobbed against her chest. “We don’t need her to do that. We can figure it out without her, we can find ways of dealing with it. God Mikey you’ve been so fucking… I’m sorry. Everything is so fucked up but I fucking promise you that’s my priority okay? We’re gonna help you with that.”

Mikey was clinging to her shirt and sobbing into it. He nodded miserably as he cried. “I-I’m sorry.. I-I keep forgetting t-to bring it up c-cuz I only I-learned about it when y-you were b-born! B-but that was like a week ago! A-and that’s its whole own thing! A-and I’m too fucked up t-to think about it!”

She held him tight and pressed her head against his.

“Fuck… you’ve been keeping so much in there…” She pulled back to cup his cheeks in her hands and smile determined at him, tears still freely falling down her face. He sniffled and shook as he looked back at her. “You don’t need to worry about any of this other stuff. No villains no brothers no fucking weird turtles coming back from the future. Your priority is Mikey. And so’s mine. We’re gonna figure it out. You and me. We’re gonna talk it out one step at a time together. Anything you fucking need I’m here, okay?”

He put his hands on hers, he was struggling to breathe through the crying. This wasn’t his usual crying, he felt fucking broken. His whole body hurt from how hard he was crying.

And it felt good. To fucking scream and yell and cry about how miserable he REALLY was, and to feel seen for it. To feel cared for about it.

So he shakily nodded and kept crying in her face.

She held him again. This wasn’t like how Raph would make him feel at all, this wasn’t a mom thing. This wasn’t a ‘push my feelings down and pretend you’re normal’ upset thing. This was just a sibling really fucking seeing him and letting him be as big of a wreck as he needed. Someone he wasn’t scared of making the problems worse of.

Maybe she was exactly what he needed right now.

[appeypie]

Did you ever post that Komalink essay that was in your head

I saw you're one post and how you said Zora royalty crush on Link and I might be converted to that ship now 🤭

sorry this took me so much time to answer anon but I WILL GLADLY SHARE IT!!!!

my long awaited KOMALINK TRUTHER ESSAY!!

To start, I adore the parallels between these two... they're both coming of age in their respective cultures! and having a rough time of it, it seems..

They're both very close with their grandmas, though sadly Komali's has passed away... they both have sisters, too!! (or, for Komali, a sister figure. Medli acts very maternal and caring towards him throughout the game, even commenting on watching him grow up saying something to the effect of, "he's grown into a fine young rito, is this how a mother feels?")

Between the coming of age stories, the alive and deceased grandmas, the little and big sisters... they both mirror each other perfectly!!

Of course Komali is going through some major anxiety issues, understandably. link is able to help him through it, which is very sweet to see :)

Before and after finishing dragon roost cavern. I just love the insight this NPC gives us! after Link inspires the confidence in him, he gets so happy!!

At first it's easy to see it as him just simply looking up to link, and I'm sure it started that way, but it starts leaning into crush territory...!

.. EVERY conversation?!?!

Komali's name comes from "hikikomori" in Japanese, which refers to severe social reclusiveness. he seems to be a very sheltered boy who wouldn't have very many friends off island... so who could he be talking about hmm ??? who's the one guy we know he likes off island...? who he wont shut up about....????

There's also this dialogue from a random Rito NPC (sadly I don't have the game caps, but here's it from a text dump):

(If it's too hard to read, it says:

"We used to have such nice breezes blowing through here... Now the air is crazy. I'm positive the strange winds are a result of the wind god's anger. See, there's an important shrine below here that got broken...and now we're paying the price. What cursed luck...

We Rito cannot live without the wind. Before we take to the skies, we always go down and visit the wind god's shrine. That's the way it's always been.")

The Rito and the wind are intertwined... very fitting that the prince would fall for someone who could control it 🥺

And Yes !! LOZ has a pattern of having the Zora princesses fall in love with link...

Since the Zora evolved into the Rito in WW, they decided to mix it up and make it the prince!

We're at the point of this post where I'm out of Ship 'Evidence' and I'm now just throwing images from my files at you. I love this one at the end of the game where Komali is the first one to greet them coming back from what was left of Hyrule (also very exciting for baby me, who was a huge Komali fan)

Link just stares at him...

I also adore how this is the only ship I know where you get TWO!! Height differences. Hard to get a pic of them standing next to each other pre-Valoo scale, but you get the idea

Of course we don't fully know how Link feels about him, but I like to think he was a bit annoyed with him at first (as Komali was with him)... Like why couldn't this guy just suck it up and do what had to be done? It's what Link had to do for his family. But he realized Komali had gone through a huge loss, and his Dad was a little absent. He has this huge sense of duty placed over him, and not much support. Then once he got his confidence back, he was able to really shine! Link could see that!

I feel like I might be missing something, but that's the gist of why I love them so much! Foils that grow to deeply appreciate each other :) cute little themes like royalty falling for Link & the Rito's ties to the wind. they make me so happy. they don't get the attention they deserve tbh

[streamdotpng]

honestly i love how i start doing some world building for an edit that takes like 20 seconds :')

anyways.. so, yknow that poe cup fic that scorpion recommended? the one where enid had to transfer bc nevermore didn't suit esther's standards and she changes bc of the environment?

Yeah, this is my au take on it. There's omegaverse themes but they're used to categorize the roles and builds of werewolves instead of smth sexual here. I meant it when i said i was delving into the more violent themes! so do watch out for those

now, you're probably asking, tie collar? muzzle? Bracers? what're those for?

Here's the thing, wolves don't use their claws to fight. They mainly use their teeth. As said in the photo, its usual for random physical spats to appear and teachers generally don't mind as long as it was to settle an issue and isn't just a waste of air.

There must be a motive in your attack, in your violence, else you are nothing more than a rabid animal and werewolves are supposed to be better than that.

So, the collar tie? its short on purpose so it wont be taken advantaged off in fights and is generally grabbed by the leader of your assigned pack for discipline. Its tie is clipped onto the collar so you can't suffocate like one does with an actual tie (since yknow, you pull it to make it tighter)

Its also easy to remove when a fight does happen

The collars of both the collar and shirt is purposefully high to make sure that no tempted werewolf can leave a mark around the neck and deal a fatal wound. Or in the very rare occasion, force a mating bite.

It isn't shown here but to even remove the collar, you'd need to flip the collar of the shirt and unbluckle it like a belt. it sounds easy sure, but when you're in a fight, it isn't so well executed. Its made purposefully hard to remove in a short amount of time and is rather durable against claws

The bracers are made of similar material! Their main purpose is to serve as a block against any surprise attacks, like how people in the police would train their dogs to attack but have an arm brace to protect their arm

its exactly like that!

My ass forgot to mention about the muzzle but they're there for students off campus! Since normies are still bigger in population, it's rather obvious that you're from that school. To keep them (normies) calm from the sight of outcasts, werewolves are told to wear the muzzles. The muzzles well.. Muzzle is long, so that means any posturing is cut short because distance is made from both werewolves. It's also there to make sure that a provoked werewolf in public can't do much harm other than scratch

Its mostly a publicity stunt but can be a disadvantage during fights or a punishment in general.

now, onto the dynamics of this school.

Omegas are usually the medics, and there's only one in a school issued pack. Betas are your scouts, they're your surveillance and info gathers, usually very flexible in roles but not as strong. You have like two to three! Lastly we have alphas, they're the ones taking the lead and the main physical prowess. There's only one in a school issued pack.

Now, you're probably wondering wtf? school issued pack? aren't you only supposed to have a pack with people you're closed too? Yes! that is true but this is a school, a private military school and teamwork is one of main values. Life isn't comfy and you'll need to learn to adapt with your coworkers whether you like it or not. If it helps, school packs only last for a semester unless they do really well in the finals. Only then will the school give an exception for the group to form again for the next semester

Now, you're probably wondering

where tf is enid in this au and why tf is she in this school?

Esther means well. I love a good ol esther is a horrible parent but she simply sounds like she grew up with her own values and tends to enforce it bc she's the mother and obviously she knows better. its irritating yes, but she seems easily influenced to more shadier practices as long as the end goal is met (which is enid shifting)

since the goal of enid shifting has already been met and the news broke that her daughter could've died due to nevermore and jericho's negligence, esther's mind latched onto Enid's growth as a werewolf and her safety.

Like other similar parents, she pulled her kids out. But murray argued otherwise, that surely nevermore will get better but esther wasn't so sure, not when theres a literal sign that her daughter was close to death stares right at her in the face (the scar)

so they compromised! Esther pulls enid out and her brothers get to finish their schooling.

In her search for better suited schools to help her lowkey socially behind in werewolf customs daughter, she stumbles across Werewolf military school and enrolls enid there

Obviously enid tried to argue, she's been in nevermore since she was thirteen! you can't just pull her out, not when she finally felt right. But mother knows best and enid is shipped to go through their second semester anyways

anywaysss, enid here imprinted on wednesday during that hug and so she's lowkey going through seperation anxiety during her time apart! She really could've fit in easily, her happy desposition and the way she acts would've landed her as a very valuable healer/omega but her imprinting leaves her agitated and easily provoked. Doesn't help that she's been bottling up her aggression at home and now that she's outside and in a new place...

well, what happens happens

because of this, she gets pegged as an alpha instead and with it comes responsibilities that enid can't ignore. Due to this, her needing to bleach her hair? ignored. Her colorful clothing? shoved to the side in favor for the uniform and the fact that with how physical the school is, she needs something more durable

overall, being an alpha is stressful and the fact that she's so far away from wednesday makes it worse (even if she doesn't know)

She goes through the school year in a daze, gains a reputation that she's too busy to acknowledge and finishes it with an aching in her lungs and new scars stinging along her body. She expect the same thing to happen for the new school year but something is different, there's news about an event and it has enid blinking

an.. international event? about outcast schools gathering for a tournament in the name of sportsmanship and connections

When she pushes herself to the front, for the first time in nearly a year, Enid Sinclair smiles

why? because in one of the schools listed to participate, Nevermore stands right with them

and with nevermore, comes the one Wednesday Addams that she's been longing for

-

also funfact! since this werewolf military school values privacy and exclusivity, no one is allowed to have their phone or similar esque gadgets during the school year. Want to contact your parents? You have to make an appointment with the school to call through a landline phone

its just.. so disheartening when Wednesday wasn't at all replying to her messages during the semester break. Her last few messages was when she complained about how she couldn't go back to nevermore and when that isn't enough to have her reply...

yeah

it didn't help different school means different starting of semester so enid could barely enjoy her week before she got shipped for her second semester

Enid has reached out to yoko, but the vampire has mentioned going off the grid due to a family vacation and she didn't want to bother her bestie with her distress. She's sure she's lowkey overreacting anyways, like it sucks to move schools but surely they could still keep in touch?

and honestly! enid thought she could've given her vampire friend updates during the school but then her phone gets confiscated and she gets swepted up with the rising stress and values of this school and-

yeah, she's been so busy that she forgot

its just this strict routine of waking up at this early time and getting back at this late time

the only reason wednesday couldn't leave her mind is the imprinting and the feeling of being abandoned and how little their friendship must've been for her not to reply. But then Enid smacks herself bc ofcourse not! there's no way, wednesday just sucked at using a phone is all

..right?

oh whatever, its hard to think much when theres a fist going towards her face anyways

aight okay, thats all my rambles for today! do tell me if youre interested bc this has been simmering in my head since this morning

[fairycosmos]

I'm sorry to do this bc I know you get so many ppl venting and you have your own shit to deal with and yet ppl on here constantly implicitly ask you to console them which is incredibly emotionally labour intensive. However all that being said. I found out my cat who is 9 but is very young looking and active and shows no sign of pain or suffering has large cell lymphoma (general prognosis 6-9 months) and I'm literally broken. She's my best friend. I've been through years where I've had no friends but I've always had her and she's everything to me and I've known a lot of cats who live to late teens so I had expected that for her and this has come out of nowhere and is just so soul destroying because she is my whole world and I love her so so much. she's literally saved my life (have been at the point of kms so many times but didn't for her) and now she probably wont be here next year and I don't know how to keep existing without her and I didn't know who else to tell. I really appreciate your kind and honest presence on this site it's very cleansing and healing and ik this is a parasocial thing to say/feel but you are like a friend to so many. so thanks. even just having a space to say this stuff is invaluable. You have helped and comforted and offered love and insight to so many people despite your own suffering. Much love to you, I hope the universe treats you with lots of kindness going forward.

i am so so sorry to hear this - sometimes i honestly can't believe how cruel life can be. i wish there was something tangible i could say that would make a change to what you're feeling but my experience with grief (all types of grief esp preemptive grief like what you're dealing with) has proven to me that words often ring hollow when you're going through it. i do want to offer some understanding and some comfort despite that, i just know it may be hard for you to register right now and that's alright. losing a pet is so so deeply painful and it's completely normal to be devastated and taken aback by this news - anyone would be. at the same time it sounds like your cat is deeply lucky to have you and to be loved so completely by someone. while what you're both going through is horrific, i am so glad she has you to take care of her and that she ended up having a wonderful life with you - the gift you have given her and continue to give her every day just by being her owner is huge and i hope you continue to remind yourself that as you confront there next few months. she is warm and fed and taken care of and she has the best chance of living longer with her condition bc of the care and love you continue to show her. i know this is much much easier said than done but please try to take it one day at a time and make every moment count with her - it's easy to get lost in the idea of losing her but she is still here and you still have time together, albeit not as much time as you both deserve. i can't stand how much of a gamble of luck everything seems to be and how horrible things happen to ppl and animals who truly deserve so much more - that anger, despair and incredulity still hits me day after day and i feel it very hard on your behalf rn. you have every right in the world to process that sense of feeling like your soul has been destroyed on whatever timeline works for you. as long as you continue to move forward, hour to hour or minute to minute despite it all.

are you able to talk to any friends/family about this? i only ask bc pet loss is one of the hardest things in the world to go through and i think having some sort of super system could make the days feel a little more manageable. if not, please feel free to message me and share updates, stories, vents etc about your cat and how you're doing - i lost my childhood dog a few yrs back and i do understand. it's such a heavy feeling to carry around with you all the time. i would also recommend joining a pet loss support group as another option too, bc so so many people sadly completely get what youre going through. i hope your little girl is doing OK today and that you are taking care of yourself as much as you feel able to as you process this news. if you need to break down, go to sleep, scream, punch pillows, be numb - that's alright. there's no wrong way to react to this. i just hope you give yourself some grace as you do. sending so so much love to you both - and thank you so much for the insanely kind words by the way. you didn't have to say that and it really made my night better that you did. so sorry you're in this position. X