#''mami's too gentle on you'' says Kyoko as she is being The Most Gentle

[whimsicalcotton]

.

[nonbinaryhomu]

kyomami week day iv: very, very fluff

one-shot, 1425 words

sorry for any grammar mistakes, english isn’t my native language

so uhh i hate writing fluffs sm... anyways i don’t know what is it, this was supposed to be magireco one-shot (i started based on mami’s kimono quotes) but then i realized my knowledge about magireco is like, 4 game chapters, anime and out of context facts i know so stopped at being a the different story au where nobody dies and everyone’s happy, thank you

      Since Mami was a child, her parents always was taking her into a shrine to celebrate New Year. In her memories this was recorded as a days filled with joy, laughter and spending time together. Dad always made a osechi-ryori and allowed her to eat so much mochi as much she wanted, and Mom sewed her a pretty, new kimono every year. Even if she know those times never turn back, because her wish was so stupid and selfish, she dreamed about them in every alone New Year and cried in a bed, carrying in hands old photo of her and her parents, when they was so happy.

      Oh, she was so melancholy again.

      She shouldn’t be so sad. Maybe her parents died, but it’s not that she was so alone, or something. In those two years after she became a magical girl, she met too much wonderful friends. Kaname-san, Miki-san, Akemi-san, even those magical girls from Mitakihara who she saved, but she didn’t know anything about they. And, most importantly, Sakura-san.

      This girl always was be a mystery to her. When she met her for the first time, she thought that cute redhead is just a simple girl who don’t know the brutal world as much as Mami. Of course, having a friend, who was so similar to her was really wonderful for older girl, but… Maybe there was a something more than just this. Yes, she always wanted to have a magical girl friend, who would support her and she would support that girl. Yes, she was so proud of herself, when red-eyed said that Mami was the ideal magical girl to her. Yes, Sakura-san was just too cute… No, this isn’t the reason, she shouldn’t thinking about it like that! As a senpai and someone like a big sister to younger girl, she really shouldn’t thinking like that. That’s so… Too intimate, even if they’re know each other for a long time.

      And… Yeah, that “big sister” really made her wonder about her relationship with her friend. When she was really close to death, her kouhai said her words like “You’re the only family I have left”. And that should please her. Sakura-san is her younger sister, nothing else happened between them. But still, she felt the kind of… insatiability. But it’s just her stupid thoughts–

      “Heey, Mami-san! Don’t ignore me!”

      She shuddered to the sound of a well-known voice and turned back, smiling to the girl near her. Speak of the devil. Sakura-san was standing right behind her and seems to be very irritated, like a child, who doesn’t got his favorite toy. Even though she tried to pretend to be tough, redhead still was a innocent child to blonde girl. Memories from a year ago still stuck in her head and she considered them like her most valuable treasure. This was kind of weird… Akemi-san, Kaname-san and even Miki-san also are her very important friends, but she never felt feeling like this to them. When she thinking about her first puella magi friend, she was so… happy, but not in a normal way.

      She cursed mentally. Something weird is definitely going with her.

      “Ah, Sakura-san, you scared me!” golden-eyed laughed innocently, when younger girl sit near her. “What happened?”

      “Nothing important” muttered newly arrived, rolling her eyes. “And also I was telling this to you, Mami-san. Don’t call me Sakura-san. We’re friends, aren’t we? Friends should call each other for names. I’m Kyoko, Mami-san.”

      “But this is so embarrassing…” Mami blushed and hidden her face in hands. “You’re sure this isn’t too close, Saku– K-Kyoko-chan?”

      “No, it’s not” Kyoko sighed and caught her senpai’s hand, smiling invitingly. “Really, didn’t I say this before? I don’t like when someone says my surname. As my big sister, you shouldn’t be so scared about saying my name… Geez, Mami-san, you’re such a shy person.”

      “N-Ngh, s-stop tease me like that!” older girl pretended to be offended. “I just… Never had a friend who was too close with me like you, Kyoko-chan… I don’t know how to behave to not losing you again. I… I never could bear this…”

      “I promise, I’m already not as stupid I was then” younger mahou shoujo closed her eyes and suddenly hugged surprised blonde. “I never leave you again. At last… Sisters shouldn’t worry one another, isn’t it?”

      “Yeah…” fifteen-years-old girl nodded, feeling a tear run down her cheek. “I’m so sorry, looks like I become such a crybaby.”

      “It’s okay. Even if you’re a older, you shouldn’t pretend to be stronger. You sometimes just need sit down and cry, that’s the human nature. And if you needed me, I’m here with you.”

      “Thank you so much, Kyoko-chan…” Mami started smiling and finally shook hands back. “You are really my dearest friend.”

      “Anyways…” Kyoko turned her head with gentle blush. “There’s something I want to ask you.”

      “Hm? What is it, Kyoko-chan?”

      “Tomorrow is New Year, yeah? I want to ask you… Uh, if you aren’t busy, maybe you want… go to shrine with me?” fourteen-years-old started blushing and played with her fingers. “Er, don’t take it in weird way… I just mean… We’re like family, so…”

      “I… Of course I’ll go there with you, Kyoko-chan” older girl smiled and unexpectedly ran hand through younger’s hair. “I thinked about it literally a moment ago. We’re both orphans, so basically we’re don’t have someone to go with…”

      “Don’t say thing like this, Mami-san” redhead took a very long sigh. “I’m sure you have. I don’t think you’re pretty close with Homura, but Madoka and Sayaka–“

      “I don’t think they’re actually have a time to go with me…” blonde lowered her head with almost imperceptible sadness. “Kaname-san for a week was very excited and talked all the time about she go there with her family, because it’ll be first time, when her younger brother will see that shrine. And Miki-san probably will use it as an opportunity to invite this boy who she like…”

      “…Looks like we’re really alone, huh?” Kyoko laughed sadly and hugged her knees with her arms. “In that case, it’s very happily I also haven’t someone to go with. Finally we can spend some time together, and not during fighting Witches.”

      “I would be very happy, if no Witch doesn’t disturb us…” Mami started to be worried, as usual, when someone talks about Witches when she was excited. “I don’t want to eventually sacrifice time what I can spend with you, but we’re magical girls, we cannot ignore the danger and allow innocent people to death.”

      “It always curious me, why you are so alert to justice and stuff like that” whispered red-eyed. “Our lives as a magical girls aren’t justice, so why you care so much about people who you don’t know? Don’t you know that if you will continue care about strangers, you just… die?”

      “Kyoko-chan…” began golden-eyed, but her kouhai effectively cut her off.

       “I’m just worried about you. That’s all” shrugged younger girl. “You’re my big sister, so it’s naturally I don’t want to see you dead. I know, I used to share the same views with you, but… After that what happened to my family, I really don’t want to lose you too.”

      “I really didn’t want to make you worried, Kyoko-chan…” older puella magi pursed her lips and looked away. “I know you’re scared about losing your family twice, but this is fate of magical girls. We can’t just sit down and say I’m traumatized, so I don’t want to fight in the name of justice. Jokes on you all.”

      “D-Don’t laugh at me…” redhead closed her eyes and clenched her hands. “I know I’m stupid, but I don’t want to something happen to you… You’re my big sister, after all…”

      “Don’t be mad at me. Just joking” blonde smiled and very, very strongly hugged her best friend. “We can’t change the each others’ views, but I’ll do this for you. I promise, I will try to not risk during fighting Familiars, and try not to react when we find anyone during our meeting, okay?”

      “Okay~” Kyoko started smiling, instantly changing her mood, which made Mami laugh. “So, see you tomorrow!”

      “Hey, wait, don’t say you’re leaving–“ veteran mahou shoujo started trying to scream, but her kouhai had already run out of sight. “Geez, she’s always the same. Really, she’s not changed since that year when I met her.”

      A gentle smile bloomed on her face.

      Sakura-san is really cute. Maybe she should confess this to her tomorrow.

[clarafell]

"....Miss. Homura, what do you see when you look into my eyes...?"

@delightful-envy

Oh…

Why did Envy ask that?

To answer him, it required looking him in the eye and she struggled with eye contact still.

But she raised her head and peered at him anyway. Then she looks away, silent and appearing to look as calm as a statue. Did she choose to not answer him and ignore his question? She cowered away at the question, giving up on it as soon as he asked her. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t say it. She couldn’t spit out a worthy answer. All she could do was make it worse. She missed her time disc and the divine moments when she could effortlessly freeze time. Those days when she froze time to get ahead or to calm her anxious mind were long gone. Madoka Kaname, the very same who had been slaughtered in the past timelines, had ascended into the form of a Goddess. Only she remembers the once mortal girl. It was for the best, she thought. It was still painful from time to time to think of Madoka. It had been months now and the universe seemed like such a better place now. Homura Akemi was still a puella magi and Envy was still a killer. He had his knife and she had her bow. Before the Law of Cycles rewrote the universe and before Madoka Kaname had made her wish, Homura had been trapped in a loop of death and failure. Repeating the season of Spring again and again - never having a chance to see the other seasons. Now, this world is allowed to move on and the seasons can continue again like normal. It meant that Homura had to bundle up for the cold seasons as she tugs onto her sweater coat. Despite the birth of a new world, she still had to fight except with new enemies instead. Wraiths, they were called, and they were what replaced the Witches of the original universe. Time would no longer listen to her anymore. As she tugs on her coat to remind herself to keep warm on this chilly afternoon, she stops to look up at Envy and peers at him again. Try to do this again:

She is quiet for a short moment of time before speaking up, “I see sadness…” She informs him and her rose dipped hands automatically begin to button up the coat despite looking him straight in the eye. Her former self, the one that Envy had unfortunately met long ago in another universe, was still apart of her and yet worn out by reality. That side of Homura caused her to automatically dart her lilac eyes away just for a brief moment. Why couldn’t her true thoughts flow out instead of these cheap and significant answers? For all she knew, he could feel disappointed her lack of vivid detail. “I see that your eyes hold pain too…” She murmurs aloud, fingers running over her silver ring for a moment. Memory manipulation was her game now - not that she would use it against anyone for ill intent. She kept her magic a close guarded secret and only used it when she needed to. “Contrary to what you believe, I have seen a wonderful calmness in your eyes too. I like it when I see your eyes cloud over with peace of mind even if its just for a second or two.” She reveals in a quiet whisper. It was true that Homura had kept a distance from both Mami and Kyoko in this new world. She hung out with them only when it came to battling and that was that. She saw Envy more so than any of the other girls. Homura bit her lip, wondering if she should have said a little bit more. Go in more detail in order to properly answer him. “Envy, what do y-you see in my eyes? If you don’t mind me asking… I used to w-wear glasses in the past, but—” She is hesitant, feeling that familiar anxious feeling build up again. “But I don’t need to wear them anymore. My eye sight improved…s-so you can see my eyes better now…” She is mumbling to him, glancing up at him again. What does he see when he looks in her eyes?

“Would you like me better with my glasses on?” Like everyone except for her has no memory of the old universe and none of the timelines. At this point, Homura might be considered crazy with how she speaks of a nonexistent person as if they were real and breathing person. Sane or not, Homura still felt the heavy tug of insecurity hit her like a tidal wave. She was frightened that she truly made of this “Madoka Kaname” in order to cope with all the chaos in her head and all those tiresome nights with the Wraiths. Whether she made up this girl with her vivid imagination or not, that girl left her all alone. With each passing day, people kept on looking at her like she was losing her mind. So, she eventually seals her lips and stops speaking of that too sweet of a girl. If she did make her all up, Homura was even more distraught at the fact that her own creation had left her. Even her method of coping gave up on her - finding her too weak and too damaged. Enough of that silly little make-believe nonsense. She was alive and moving forward instead of looping. “They are red and thin…nothing special…” She adds on quietly, giving up on the idea of looking at him. She simply couldn’t get her thoughts across to him as properly as she desired. “I used to wear braids in the past too… I can try wearing them again if you would like to see it…” She goes on with her tired eyes looking down at her shoes, scolding herself for breaking down like this. She needed validation and guidance and most importantly affection - something she believed that she didn’t deserve. But most importantly: she didn’t want him to leave her all alone.

She wanted him to stay. But she also wanted him to feel that calmness again. Maybe even more. She valued his feelings above her own. She looks up at him and smiles sheepishly, managing to at least look back up at him. “I’m s-sorry… I guess I rambled a little bit. I hope my answer was good enough for you. Why did you ask me that, anyway? Is something on your mind?You can just call m-me Homura instead…nothing fancy…” Oh, how she wanted to tell him what she really saw in those eyes. Knowing him in both the old and new universe, she had so much to spill out. But all she could think of was feelings and all her voice wanted to do was whisper until she stopped talking. Oh, how she tried to give him such a good answer and yet she failed to even do that. But she noticed that she had also pointed out a positive trait and hoped that would be enough to ease Envy’s mind. She would have felt guilty if she made him feel horrible. She had tried to clarify that he was not alone and yet she felt like she ruined that opportunity. But Homura truly wondered what he saw when he looked her in the eyes. Both back then in the years of timelines in the forgotten universe and now, she wondered.

When she looked into his eyes, she saw the way his emotions burst forward when she discovered him in the witch’s barrier. She remembered seeing his pain and his confusion. She remembered looking down at him when she used her Soul Gem to heal him properly. She wouldn’t forget that first encountering. It felt like years and years ago. Maybe it had been years ago due to her many resets in the past? She remembers him when she tried asking him what if they had met in another life - she saw how his face was sharp with determination. He had kept silent that time and forced her to lay her tired little head into his lap. She remembered feeling that dull sting of pain from her hair and yet she also remembered his gentleness. He saw her pain and her exhaustion and that desperation. He didn’t answer her question and maybe it was for the best .Actions did speak louder than words. She remembered falling asleep right there and then - recalling how she would look briefly up at him to watch his expression. To make sure he didn’t leave. To see if he was angry at her. To see something. She had also remembered when he played with a stand of her hair as lightly as possible and how relaxed she felt despite her fear of his unknown answer. She didn’t want to screw up. She recalls seeing surprise and confusion and then disappointment. But what she didn’t want to see in his eyes anymore was that heartbreaking look of disappointment or sadness. Oh, how she sees so much in his eyes and yet she couldn’t speak up. As if feeling those same bubbling fears of being hated and rejected, she tries to swallow her burning feelings. She was scared and disappointed in herself. Just like in the past before he had guided her to sleep. Unlike that time, she would not ask a silly little question. If she could remember him so vividly and if people can remember him, she hoped that he was real. He should be real. She wanted him to be real and she wanted him to stay. But does he want to stay with you? A loud voice asks her and she shook away the insecurity, knowing that it will only infect her even worse if she acknowledged it. She faintly remembers the fact that she had finally been safe during that one time and granted the sweet gift of not being alone. (Along with being granted sleep too even though that didn’t last long.)  If she could not fear of him leaving her all alone like the others, she didn’t have to get so worked up so suddenly. If she could have told him what she saw and truly flourish in telling him everything in vast detail, would he still be here? What of the times when she didn’t see him such as when she was asleep - what did she miss in his dark eyes?Her throat tightened and she choked out the few words that could escape from her mouth: “I’m s-sorry it wasn’t good enough, Envy. I didn’t do you any justice with such an answer like that. You just caught me off guard with such a serious question like that—”

[whimsicalcotton]

⭐_⭐?

okay i'm going to cheat a lil bit bc you sent me two stars so. two chunks i've been dying to talk to about. sorry hjhdfgdj

first off, this bit from ch.5 of Polluted Marrow;

She atones for what’s about to come out of her mouth by letting herself be gathered up and held still, gritting her teeth through the pins and needles of unwanted touch. And there, cradled in her mother's arms where no one else can hear her muffled voice as it creaks and croaks and crackles into being, Max delivers the killing blow. "I-If you want me in Seattle, you'll have to take me back in a bodybag." It works like a charm, ugly though it may be. First the arms around her slacken in surprise, then her mother pulls back to look at her, paled and appalled, hands tightening around her shoulders. Max holds her stare, because she means it with every mangled fibre of her soul. It's not a persuasion. It's a promise, a threat and a confession inextricably linked, crowned in shame and so, so heavy.  Yet more weight to shed.  And Max funnels all of that dread and disdain straight into her expression. She may still be small, she may look like nothing more than frail prey, but she's not the wide-eyed, innocent child her mother is thinking of. She can look out for herself, even if she treats it as an annoyance. She's taught herself discipline, focus, despair, perseverance. She can take hit after hit, and if she falls she knows to pick herself back up, dust herself off and get back in the ring. She’s been face to face with one of the most insidious creatures this world had to offer and made herself sharp enough to match him. Besides, it would be foolish to underestimate a prey's ability to injure. A deer's antlers can still batter, a rabbit's teeth can still puncture. She can see the realization dancing in her mother's gaze, bewilderment and worry marred by terror's gleam. 

okay so for some reason when i was writing up my brainstorming notes for this chapter, i did this scene from vanessa's perspective which was. really unhelpful when it came to actual writing but i managed to get something useable out of them lmao. anyways i specifically said "she's looking at Max and she's seeing all of her stubbornness and all of Ryan's quiet simmering determination" which i thought was metal af but i couldn't actually put it in bc of how i tend to do pov's. i still tried my best to weave The Vibe of it in there tho

speaking of Ryan there was also a little bit just before this where i mention that he isn't there, which stems from my headcanon that he's always felt really fucking bad about moving Max away from Chloe, so he tried to make it 'worth it' by working extra to have a bit more money. however this doesn't really work in his favor bc he ends up doing a fuckload of overtime and just doesn't have much time off so Max has been feeling more and more distant from him over the years; hence why she's not surprised + the slightest bit bitter in thinking, "But he's not here."

for my already cheating second bit i'm going to cheat More and talk about a fic i haven't even finished yet bc i'm really meguca-brained today.

so from the as of yet unpublished sequel to Spiderlily, Daffodil;

She sets a plate down in front of Homura. A meagre portion compared to her own, hardly more than a few spoonfuls.  "Eat," she says, nodding towards it. Homura blinks down at it. She can still taste saltwater. A scoff, small and hollow. Kyoko sits herself down on the opposite side of the table in a harsh, hapless heap. "Mami's too gentle on you, lettin' you skip meals all the time. Eat it or I'll kick your ass." There's no real threat in her tone, just low, weighted exhaustion. Her stubbornness remains intact, however. She sits there, stare piercing, arms crossed, until Homura finally takes a bite. Only then does she start on her own dinner.

i just. i'm so normal about my wraith timeline Kyoko and Mami looking after Homura like she's their sad wet dumpster cat <3

Kyoko tries her best to be patient but she projects a lot of her Sayaka trauma onto Homura and is much more willing to ask questions/call her out than Mami is. she and Mami have spoken at length about What To Do With Homura basically and most of the time she secedes to Mami's insistence on not pushing her too hard.

This scene takes place after Homura's done some Self Destructive Shit (again) and also Mami's not present so Kyoko has free reign to be as insistent as she wants. But despite grumbling about Mami being too gentle she is, in fact, also being super gentle by way of making dinner and tea and just doing her best to take care of the absolute trainwreck that is wraith arc Homura.