#''knowing what the hell is actually going on'' is Not a priority / requirement. it'll be an enjoyable experience still

[unproduciblesmackdown]

love my own like theatrical relationship to shakespeare which is a) being so slow to realize like "oh, i've loved theatre? everyone doesn't just feel this way & go 'of course acting onstage would fucking kick ass' & adore rehearsals and hanging around backstage and in greenrooms and changing and performing & etc?' never really occurred to me" and b) my response to most encounters w/shakespeare being "wha" when it comes to anything granular yet the relevance still in the spirit of things lol

namely one prominent example being i was an on campus college student where said campus has a shakespearean theater literally three blocks away, and we had like a freshmen orientation weekly class there doing shit with actors and checking out the theater, not to mention like punchcards to see four shows free (to write up about afterwards but yeah sure whatever) and this wherein also you always got student discount tickets And there were pwyw performances....kicked ass. i went there for shows so many times. i have never fucking known what tf is going on in any of the like dozen shows i saw there when a) audio processing can be tricky enough for real life modern vernacular parsing and b) sure am not used to ye old very stylized language nor any other qualities of shakespearean material so lots of times when i finally started to kind of acclimate to the language it would be like "oh wait that was the conclusion? ok. hoorayyyyy" like also c) You Have A Great Time Seeing Shakespeare Productions Anyways like again i loved going anytime. it's Theatrical and if people are just putting their damn backs into delivering and performing the material it's An Experience even if you're really not following lmfao. and i suppose one can read the text / familiarize oneself beforehand

also like my first and really one of my only like regular theatre performing experiences was my literature class in fourth grade doing a few scenes from julius caesar. i was so hype for getting cassius like one of the most prominent roles? a guy? an antagonist if you're caesar or dante??? oh Fuck yes. b/c of technical difficulties we got to perform it twice in a row when we did a field trip to some other school to perform our respective [scenes from various shakespeare plays] altogether. even back then i was way into it and cared about stuff like "we have like no Effects to make it that dramatic when we kill caesar. or like, non silent. bit awkward" and "also i like, don't know how to act and am just winging it. and of course, i'm also like 9" like in theory i do like to know How to do something vs trying to make it up myself. somewhat lol. a balance, who can argue w/that

beyond that there's also lots of things i just didn't quite realize "counted" lmfao like, when you're a theatre gay with a parent req'ing you go to church every week but you have a good time being in the choir....i was sure on those tenor harmonies & singing loud. and going relatively often to various live theatrical events, having an engaging enough time there, but also would've assumed anyone would be into it And that that's not really the same as actually being in them, of course. but that most of my firsthand experience was just sticking w/ballet for like a decade, and kind of live theatrical performance adjacency there. don't say shit, for years was effectively just like, an ensemble for the occasional performances, but even then it's like hoorayyy i Love rehearsing and being onstage and backstage and dealing w/costumes and coordination behind the scenes and shit. and eventually being like, a distinct individual character in shows, so despite again nobody saying shit you're still somewhat interpreting and doing whatever character work while also enjoying the bennies of [it's dance, so also it's choreographed]....even more clear like oh i love backstage and rehearsing and behind the scenes and onstage and putting together stage character makeup, and i don't mind tackling technical difficulties, and etc etc. didn't even necessarily have the reference like, idk, wouldn't / doesn't everyone feel similarly. classic ye old memory of like being idfk 7 or some shit simply getting to walk with classmates behind a backdrop to the opposite wing of a stage, and loving that lmao. combines a love for [backstage] and [secret passages] type deal lol, big fan of these elements

also in 7th grade doing a theatre/drama class for a few months and we couldn't really get like all this in depth extensive stuff b/c you know, intro course for like 8 weeks for rando middle schoolers, but idk it was just illustrative lmao like after julius caesar, us slapping together some kind of script and my getting to be this fun little theatrical(tm) antagonist guy again? feedback was "what was supposed to be happening" but could've stood to have learned that the enthusiasm and affinity i felt for acting onstage was perhaps indicative of enthusiasm and affinity for acting onstage rather than just, idk, the exact kind of baseline experience any & everyone would have lol. not that i would've necessarily had the chance to really do anything with that knowledge, but even now, ofc i don't particularly anticipate getting to use it, but it's great having that knowledge like ohhh i see. the entire time i've been huge into doing theatre with all these kind of adjacent & gently overlapping brushes with it. gotcha

[thessalian]

Thess vs AGAIN WITH THE DEMOS

I continue with the demos because why not? I'm not doing all that well mentally or emotionally today, so little snippets of demo seems to be the best I can do. If I run out of demos I actually want to play, it'll probably be either comfort gaming, Zen gaming, or one of those Dark Pictures Anthology games - something that doesn't require too much of me.

Tiny Cats: It's cute, and it's a nice little Zen game, but I hope the devs fix some of the spelling mistakes in the intro, and add a thing where you can click to skip the text scroll and just ... have the text there to read.

Fruitbus: Again, another cute one - this one's a cooking sim of sorts. It's first person, so I'm going to have to be careful, and the demo is janky as hell, but they've got a little over a week so hopefully the actual game is a little less made of bug. It's still on the list, though. I could use more cute cooking game in my life.

Hidden Wings and Paws: Another hidden object puzzle game, a little more variety than just cats, but the optimisation is bullshit. A HOP game shouldn't have lag in mouse movement. Still, I like it when it finally smooths out a bit. It makes the list.

Gnomdom: Another puzzle game, more of a messing-with-the-set-dressing thing. It's a low priority because it's not great at establishing exactly what you need to do. I get not wanting to hand-hold people through a puzzle game, but there's a difference between hand-holding and giving reasonable clues.

Out Of Your Mind: Huh. Choices matter visual novel, dystopian with a hint of potentially eldritch. Yeah, looking forward to that one coming out, or at least getting more of an idea of the mechanics beyond the choice between actually talking to people and ... not.

Cat and Seek: Tokyo: Another HOP game with cats. Not a favourite - a little too busy for me - but I guess it's a thing to look into when I run out of the ones I prefer.

Fayrehaven: Interesting take on the usual life / trading sim, but the controls are a little fiddly. Not necessarily janky, just ... fiddly. Sort of a maybe.

Door4: Ultimatum: Sort of a logic puzzle thing, where you have to pick the right door to progress based on clues in the environment, but definitely way down the list because it involves first-person camera and no way I could find to slow down movement.

Midnight Swamp: The "For You" section of the Steam Next Fest knows what I like, because this is another puzzle game. Interesting premise, a little lighter on the guidance than I generally like, but the art style is nice and there's no jank, so I call it a win.

Cabernet: Interactive novel, vampires, certain amount of RPG with stats and skills... There's a simplified Disco Elysium vibe to the mechanics, but it's less ... fever-dream, I guess? (Sorry; I never got my head around DE.) This is the first one on the list of demos where I sat there at the end going, "Wait, it's over? Nooooooo! I want more game!" Of course, it's also one of the ones with a release date that was apparently sooner than it used to be, given its place on my wishlist (I downloaded that one awhile ago), but got pushed back. Woe.

That'll do for now. I should dig up some more demos, after I rearrange my wishlist. I tend to keep it fairly tidy, trimming down the list somewhat (which makes up for these Next Fest additions binges) and organising it for easy reference. Basically, it's in order of how badly I want it - greatest to least - and then the ones that aren't out yet down at the bottom, by release date. Unless I want them really, really badly on the strength of the demo, which puts them at the top of the list despite not being out yet. On that basis, I might have to move Veilguard, because I'm hugely ambivalent about that one. I want it, but I also don't, if you get me? I'm struggling enough with Silent Hill 2; that combat is probably going to break me. But maybe the accessibility options will help in a way that the ones in Silent Hill 2 don't. After all, making an invincibility mode in a survival horror game probably goes against the devs' sensibilities, whereas the Veilguard devs understand that some people are only in it for the story.

This has not entirely helped my absolutely shit mood and general level of pain, but it did distract me for it for awhile, I guess. And my air fryer arrived. I'm probably going to spend this week looking up recipes to use in it. And it's going to take so much less space than my dehydrator. I'll take my silver linings where I can find them. Sometimes, Zen is rearranging the list of things I want and setting up things I won't be using straight away. It's the possibility and potential. It's looking at what wonders tomorrow might bring, which means I am expecting and anticipating a tomorrow. Doesn't sound like much sometimes, but on bad days, looking at the possibility of tomorrow as anything but a horror-show is everything.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & James

Ava: I've told all my family James: oh Ava: Maybe don't oh that hard Ava: thinking you've changed your mind and that's going to be very difficult to do a 180 on tbh James: I'm actually thinking about Bella's dad's reaction Ava: As far as I'm aware, my dad doesn't have a shotgun Ava: or an excellent moustache Ava: definitely not James: Mine does, on both counts, but the mentality simply isn't there James: war of words is as far as things have so far escalated Ava: That's a good visual Ava: what about your mum? James: she's very busy lining up every single woman she's aware of between the ages of 20 to 30 within a mile radius or so Ava: Very Mr Darcy Ava: I'll gatecrash James: I look forward to the dramatic dance scene during which we only touch palms & exchange looks Ava: I bet Lizzie Bennet didn't 😳 Ava: shame my sister isn't around to push over so your parents are forced to take us in whilst she languishes James: 😂 James: I'll happily push my sister over or let her fall through an iced over pond to further our romantic narrative Ava: 💘 Ava: I know it's less about me but I can swoon nonetheless James: if you're 😳 then you'll have my full attention regardless Ava: Promise? James: yes Ava: even if the single ladies have really good period costumes? James: well, I hadn't considered that Ava: 😏 Ava: rude James: before I decide, what are you going to be wearing when you gatecrash? Ava: Obviously something unexpectedly knockout Ava: am the protagonist, need I remind you James: okay, what I'm hearing is anything you already own or could pick out from anywhere given a few moments Ava: You're adorable Ava: how did it go really then? James: does that mean I'll get to see you before there's a seasons changing montage? because I really want to Ava: Providing you don't need to exile yourself, of course James: I'm sure there's now several people in both our lives who would like me to, but I won't Ava: They were as receptive as I expected but I've made it clear I won't be stopping seeing you, hopefully put to bed the concerns I can James: in my case, the only concern is outward appearances so there's very little I can do even if I particularly cared to James: & Teddy isn't concerned so much as shocked & appalled Ava: Of course Ava: at least I'm an addendum re. the main issue of the whole divorce, in that case? Ava: yeah, do you think I should make a point of talking to him or give him space? James: will you? as far as he's concerned I haven't made a good decision within his living memory, but you two are friends, or were Ava: I'll try, definitely Ava: if I can make him see it's as much my decision as yours, it might help, in the end Ava: and I can handle another person having their say James: thank you James: I meant what I said, I'm more than willing to discuss this with your parents, at any point James: I can handle that Ava: Thank you Ava: I think it might help Ava: but I also think I'm gonna give them a cool-off period or it won't be at all helpful and that won't be at all your fault James: understood James: I'm currently having to employ a similar situation with Jay's playdates because her friend's mothers cannot possibly keep their nose out of my business or their mouths shut about where hers is and every other single detail they believe to be fact Ava: Oh lord Ava: I wouldn't have envied you having to socialize by-proxy with the self-professed yummy mummies before but now Ava: I can only imagine Ava: Poor Jay Ava: I can't offer a human child for playdates but Frank is always down Ava: and my lips are, naturally, sealed James: I was hoping to take them away for a few days but it's as though my dad has decided that in lieu of my failings in other areas I need to suddenly become the hardest worker in the history of this company Ava: Of course Ava: Hmm James: because obviously what my children require most in their mother's absence is to also see me less Ava: Well, yeah, that's not potentially traumatizing Ava: thank God for School being right 'round the corner Ava: and Matty still being portable James: I've been bringing them both to the office & the bulging vein in his temple is honestly such a strong contender for the book cover Ava: 😏 That's how you do it Ava: risk his health and wellbeing so you get the time off for yours James: King's didn't teach me everything I know, I've got a few tricks Ava: When are you giving me that tour? James: When can I see you? Ava: When is your dad not working you to death? Ava: I can make it work James: [A pause while he figures that out] James: he's out of the office all day on [a date in the foreseeable to make this office hookup a thing] Ava: No offense but if your brother shows up again you need to send him on a really long coffee run James: as you said, school is right around the corner, meaning my parents priorities have shifted back to making sure he'll go Ava: In that case Ava: 😈 James: 😇 for saying yes Ava: I have ulterior motives, I promise you James: oh really? Ava: really Ava: it's very unfair I've yet to see you in your work clothes James: [sends her a pic because nobody can stop him] Ava: um hello 😍 Ava: you're really going to be away from me looking so good Ava: unfair James: I'm sorry James: I really, really am Ava: Me too Ava: I've not seen you enough to warrant how badly I want to right now James: [a casual essay about how much he misses her and wants her and everything he wishes they could do, in a saucy way but also just in cute ways like] Ava: James James: Ava Ava: I really love you, you know James: I love you too James: what I most wish is that we could go away for a while Ava: That would be Ava: so good Ava: maybe we could in like the Christmas hols, when everything has calmed down Ava: hopefully James: it would be indescribable Ava: I have no doubt you would do your best Ava: and it'd be impressive James: the subject matter lends itself to nothing but my best Ava: I'm honoured🙇 James: so am I, especially by that visual Ava: Gutted I'm out rn and can't immediately fulfill that wish for a visual like you did Ava: when I get back though James: [sends her an even better visual] James: until then, there you are Ava: oh, well, you aren't distracting at all 😖 Ava: definitely gonna get you back when you're so hard at work James: 😈 James: I so badly hope you do Ava: I intend to Ava: every day of the week Ava: but especially when I get to come see you James: you know, the things I intend to do to you on this desk drastically shifts the audience we're going to be able to pitch this book to Ava: You'll have to restrain your imagination in the write-up so the audience can use theirs to fill in the blanks Ava: because there's no way we're leaving your office 'til we've done everything you've thought of James: finally some overtime I'm not upset about Ava: It's all about balance, right? 😇 James: & I'm aware that you've got very good balance Ava: Will that help me be the best good luck charm on your best I can be? 🤔 Ava: intriguing 😋 James: absolutely, but if you need any more help, I'll help you Ava: You're very helpful, baby James: I try to be Ava: I've never met anyone like you James: I don't think I'll ever meet anyone else that comes close to you either James: I certainly haven't before Ava: Good Ava: I don't need to think about competiting so soon James: you don't need to think about it, full stop Ava: not 'til the dance, anyway James: even then, I'll only have eyes for you, that's the cliche Ava: Of course Ava: doesn't mean I'm not gonna do everything within my power to ensure it's worth your 👀s while James: I don't want to dance with anyone else, Ava James: I don't want to do any of this with anyone else Ava: I know Ava: you know I feel the same too James: you know I couldn't have done this without you though Ava: You did it all though, all the hard conversations and hard decisions James: a lot of those decisions were made for me, so there's limited credit due, & a lack of conversation with her just cements that Ava: Yeah but the ball is in her court on that one Ava: you're if not ready at least willing whenever she is James: of course, because that's not a decision, to not act, not any more Ava: yeah, and that's going to be a good thing Ava: even if it is not good all the time James: I'll be interested to see if she gets in contact before school starts because that's unlikely to be a good thing Ava: Yes, I wonder if this is just a summer holiday or Ava: makes you wonder what she's even doing that could keep her so 'busy' James: whoever cleans the pool, probably, not that she'd ever admit to such a cliche Ava: 😬 Ava: definitely not getting paid enough James: 😂 Ava: I'm just glad that right now you don't have to deal with her on the day to day, even if it's only a momentary reprieve, it'll never be that bad again James: me too, I can't & won't pretend that I didn't know how bad it had become but actually getting a break from it makes me wonder how either of us dealt with that for as long as we have Ava: I bet Ava: she must've been as sick of it, even though she was the one not letting go and doing the fucked up shit, that has to be exhausting to live like that Ava: full level hell beast all the time, like 😈 Ava: sorry, I'm not fully sure where the line is re. her Ava: but I've been hearing great things from Nancy and Buster today so, that's in my head James: it's okay, you're not wrong James: & neither are they Ava: Okay Ava: if it's ever weird or like, not up for discussion though, just say the word Ava: or several, as you're especially loquacious James: there's a fantastic word Ava: as far as safewords go Ava: I can think of a few situations where it might be hard to get out but isn't that half the fun James: I'll make a note of it, because yes, that's definitely a large percentage of the thrill Ava: I wish you were here Ava: I only am to get away from my parents for a bit James: where are you? Ava: My friend's house Ava: Her sister is called Stasia, think she was your year-ish? James: I remember her, whether she would me, favourably or otherwise, I can't possibly comment James: I'll take you home when you want to go Ava: Really? Ava: well, I'll go at whatever time means I get some extra with you James: okay, I'll take that as my cue to leave now, not only because any reason to get out of here is welcomed though Ava: Please do Ava: talking about you so much has only made my need to be with you even greater James: I can absolutely relate & admit to having had the same urge all day Ava: Oh good Ava: we're on the same page James: that said, a necessary note in the margin would be that in actual fact I've felt that way much longer, because whatever I'm talking about, I'm thinking about you Ava: Sometimes I think I think about you too much Ava: but then I remember I'm the protagonist in this romance so it's not just acceptable but necessary James: you can do whatever you like, darling, it's your story Ava: In that case Ava: read on James: voraciously Ava: 🤤🤤 James James: I'm just making sure we're still on the same page Ava: You're gonna have trouble keeping me on the page Ava: and making me go home James: & the driver's eyes on the road, we may need more than the Twilight soundtrack on this occasion Ava: Pride & Prejudice 2005? Ava: gotcha, honey James: 😂 James: yes, exactly Ava: 😊 Ava: I love you so much James: I miss you so much James: if I could take you home with me, I very happily would Ava: I know Ava: one day James: after the move to the other side of the river, because we both know there is a line Ava: It's pretty exciting, isn't it? James: I'm glad to hear you think so because I was going to ask you if you'd like to come house hunting with me Ava: I'd love to! James: [a possible date soonish] ? Ava: That should be good for me Ava: I'll let you know if otherwise Ava: it'll be nice to look at some actual decent places, let's face it, I doubt my student digs will be all that inspiring, like 😏 James: barely room for whatever hazing pranks they have in store, I'm sure Ava: I'm still not convinced that particular visual doesn't just come from a certain type of movie, babe James: you'll have to let me know 😏 Ava: I'll make it good for you James: my faith in you remains unwavering Ava: 🙇 James: have you reconsidered your stance on spoilers? Ava: That does depend James: oh? Ava: have you dumped fake girl? James: she was very slow to accept her fate, but yes Ava: I can't blame her Ava: I wouldn't wanna lose you either Ava: [picture, assumedly in her friend's room or somewhere not just in front of them like oh hey] James: Ava Ava: Make traffic move faster please James: I'll do the quickest rewrite possible & see you at your friend's door Ava: I'll be waiting so patiently James: & I'll be waiting impatiently James: 😇 & 😈 Ava: I think you deserve to be 😈 right now Ava: been a long day, yeah? James: yes, though it feels longer now, stretching out with the queued traffic Ava: 🥺 Ava: we'll just have to see it as motivation to not waste a single second James: it's a promise, in or out of traffic Ava: I'm so lucky James: if you think you are, then I need a better word to describe my own fortune right now Ava: I'm just really happy Ava: in spite of anything else, everything else, right now James: good, me too Ava: 🥰 Ava: you deserve that even more James: you deserve more than I can possibly give you, however patiently you wait Ava: nuuh James: yes you do Ava: 😣 Ava: no Ava: and I want you James: I want you, I'm well aware that it doesn't mean I deserve to have you Ava: How could you possibly not James: because James: the reasons I lack words to describe you aren't even close to the reasons I lack them to describe myself Ava: but I can't describe you either Ava: not just because I'm no writer James: but you do, all the time, in both words & actions I can vividly see myself the way you think of me Ava: I'm glad Ava: keep looking, okay Ava: we'll work on the believing bit James: okay James: if you'd like to get in the car, we can start immediately

[shelbyladiesclub]

Hi! I was just curious about your opinion about smth. I'm 18 and most of the books I read are YA which features minors/underage characters and I read fic for those characters that's often smut. Is there anything wrong about this? It just hit me that these characters are underage and I'm not and now if I ever wanna read these fics (and in the future when I'm even older and it makes even more of a difference) then it'll just be even more uncomfortable (it already kind of is now)

Anon, unfortunately (and I may get some flak for this) this is not a black and white issue. Some people view reading underage smut as similar to consuming porn that involves underage people. Now, we can all acknowledge that when it comes to fictional characters and fan-fiction, things get a little blurry -- they’re not real people, and therefore are not in any real danger. Especially with TV, where actors who are well above the age of consent are portraying characters that are under 18, things get a little bit complex, and I’ve seen discussions of that happening in the Riverdale fandom lately (I’ve personally never watched the show so I have no opinion). I could go into how the trend of people in their twenties being cast as teenagers contributes to all sorts of nasty things in society, but that’s for a different post.

I’d like to pause here and make it clear that if an actor/performer is under 18, they are immediately off limits for being written about, portrayed in art, or even spoken of in any sexual context by any overage person, and I will report anything of that nature to Tumblr for being inappropriate content. In the Finn Shelby situation, Harry Kirton is currently 19, so he’s just over the line -- I’m still not comfortable with it, but technically, it doesn’t fall into that category.

However in the case of completely fictional characters and characters where the actor is older than the character they’re portraying, it’s the principle of the thing where things get weird. Why are you interested in consuming smut that involves underage characters? It’s a question that’s fair to ask, and it’s easy to see why that could make people uncomfortable. For me, it’s a line I’m not willing to cross or even toe. I know I have underage followers here, and I want them to feel safe in the fandom and not have to worry about predators. 

For me and my comfort level, I don’t feel comfortable reading anything that’s gratuitously smutty about underage people. It’s a fact that many underage people are sexually active, and I’m not saying we can’t talk about it or admit it or even portray it in various forms of media, but it’s not for me to consume or to get off on, kind of the same way that lesbian sex doesn’t exist for the pleasure of men, if that makes sense.

For you specifically, you’re 18. You were not so recently underage yourself. This is again a place where the lines get blurry. When I met my husband I was 17 and he was 18. Does that make him a pedophile? No. It’s relative. I’m now 25, so I feel especially uncomfortable encountering smut about characters who are under 18. Hell, I just said the other day I feel slightly creepy for finding Finn Cole (who’s 21) attractive. That’s just my personal line.

At the end of the day, I’m not the arbiter of what is OK and what is not. There are so many factors including age of the consumer, age of the actor, level of sexual explicitness, age of the author, intention of the author, etc., etc., and it’s something that has to be handled safely and carefully. I prefer to err on the side of avoidance. For you, reading about book characters that don’t actually exist and are not portrayed by underage actors and are likely not more than one or two years younger than you canonically is probably not hurting anyone or something to worry about. However, as you said, the further you get away from 18 the more careful you should be and the less of this content you should be consuming. And, the younger the characters you’re reading about are, the more you should be questioning yourself and your interest.

The most important thing is remembering that there are a lot of users on this site who are under 18, and our biggest priority as adults should be making them feel safe and not vulnerable or preyed upon. I don’t ever want anyone to question whether I would do something to make one of my followers feel uncomfortable or threatened. For me, that means avoiding sexual content regarding underage characters. 

If you’re under 18 and you’re writing that content: good for you. This is a time when you’re learning about your sexuality and expressing creativity and all that is good and OK, but it is not for me to consume. If you want to help make that easy for me, tag it appropriately or put it under a cut. If you don’t want to do either of those things, that’s fine, as it’s ultimately the responsibility of the consumer to control what they look at, but you’re running the risk of being blocked by me and therefore hiding all your other nonsexual content from me.

I’m sorry this was long and not very absolute, but unfortunately, this is a difficult subject. If anyone has anything they’d like to add that I missed, or disagrees with something I said here, please feel free to message me or add on. Like I said, my priority is making people feel safe, and I’m still learning the best ways to do that. 

TL;DR:  For an 18-year-old, reading about book characters that don’t actually exist, are not portrayed by underage actors, and are likely not more than one or two years younger than you canonically is probably not hurting anyone or something to worry about. However this is a sensitive topic that requires a lot of care.