#''haha youll nevr guess the dream i just had toph! it was crazy!''

[saang]

inspired by a convo with @rllyjohnrlly,, pretty angsty, kinda long.. sorry in advance folks

rain or shine (i don’t feel a thing)

word count: 3000

read on ao3

“Toph! No!” Aang screamed. The words ripped through his chest, it hurt. She was already in Koh’s grasp. Forcing himself, Aang’s face turned to stone as he watched the love of his life being ripped away from him. He felt something deep within himself, within his soul. A feeling of dreaded familiarity. This, Koh, had happened before. 

“Well, Avatar, it seems as though we have a pattern,” Koh said. Toph’s lips were moving, her voice wasn’t there. “You always seem to lose the love of your life to me.”

Aang hated whatever he was feeling, whatever feeling he couldn’t express. Toph, Koh, was staring deep into his eyes. Aang didn’t think he trusted the words coming out of his mouth, but still, he spoke. “I’ll be leaving now.”

“Leaving so soon? You just got here.”

“Yes,” Aang turned around and left. He got as far from Koh as he could. He ran until he was back in the real world. Face to face with his friends. 

“Aang!” Sokka sounded so relieved. It was sad, knowing what Aang had to tell them.

“Where’s Toph?” Katara asked. “Did something happen to her?”

“Koh found us. It’s pure luck that even one of us got out alive,” Aang said, void of emotion. No anger, no sadness, just vacancy. 

“Alive? What are you talking about?”

“Koh stole Toph’s face. She’s gone,” Aang said simply. “Now, if you’ll excuse me. I need to go to Gaoling.”

Aang didn’t know how he was keeping his composure, with everything that had just happened. He feared he would’ve broken down right in front of Koh. Aang presumed this is what Kuruk must’ve felt like when Ummi was taken. When he thought of them, the horrible sense of familiarity resurfaced. 

Aang took a deep breath before climbing onto Appa. “Gaoling buddy. We’ve got some people to disappoint.” 

The ride there was silent. The wind rushed through Aang’s ears. Nothing felt the same without Toph by his side. It felt empty, boring, grey. The landscape looked like it was drained of colour. He came up to a house, their symbol a flying boar. Aang walked up to their door and worked up enough courage to knock.

“Hello?” Poppy said. “Oh, the Avatar, please come in!” 

“You might want to sit down for this. I come bearing tragic news,” at Aang’s words, Poppy rushed to get her husband. Aang clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. When they were all sat down, Aang broke the news to them. “I really don’t know how to say this. Toph is gone. She knew the risks of entering the spirit world. We were faced with a horrible opponent. She sacrificed her life to save me.”

“What?” Lao asked. It was barely a whisper. “She’s dead? My daughter is dead?”

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“You don’t get to be sorry! My daughter is dead because of you!”

“Lao, please don’t be brash. I’m sure he never wanted any of this to happen!”

“I didn’t,” Aang confessed. “I truly loved your daughter. The next time we visited I was going to ask for her hand in marriage. I wanted nothing but the best for Toph.”

“And yet, you're the reason she’s dead!” Lao yelled. “Get out of my house! I never want to see your face again!”

Aang politely stood up and left. He softly closed the front door on his way out. It hurt more knowing that Lao was right, it was his fault. The next stop was the Fire Nation palace, or maybe a letter would suffice. Aang knew he could handle a letter, he didn’t know if he could handle telling Zuko in person. He could also send one to Suki, not have to see the tears of another person when he couldn’t muster up the courage for his own. 

—

Aang spent the next few days in the Southern Air Temple. All his time was spent sleeping or staring up at the ceiling. He hoped that he would somehow wake up with Toph next to him. He hoped that this was just some elaborate dream that he’d wake up from. Each time he opened his eyes he was reminded that his new reality would be without Toph. 

Aang knew it probably wasn’t healthy that he was isolating himself from the world, from his friends. He just didn’t understand how a life without Toph was a life worth living. He had letters from Katara and Sokka, he dreaded opening them. He knew he should, but he also knew it would hurt. 

He opened the letter from Sokka first. It detailed a funeral. He doubted Lao and Poppy wanted him there. He would honour Toph’s memory, he’d show up. It would be his first public outing since her death. He opened Katara’s next, it was a letter asking if he was okay. Aang was sure that she already knew the answer, but it was a nice sentiment. 

The days leading up to the funeral blended together. Aang wasn’t sure he even knew his own name. He was numb to any and all emotions. Deep down he was terribly scared, he wouldn’t let himself accept it of course. He was terrified of how his life would change without Toph, he was scared to show emotion, in case, somehow, Koh was watching. 

The funeral was a blur, Aang was thankful it was over. He didn’t know how many pitied smiles or meaningless condolences he could take. He was back in the Southern Air Temple before he could really process what had happened.

“Aang?” For a moment, if he didn’t pay quite enough attention, he could’ve mistaken it for Toph. It was Katara. She walked down the halls before reaching Aang. “Hey, how are you?”

“I’m fine,” Aang replied automatically. 

“We both know that’s not true,” Katara tried to console Aang, but it didn’t really matter. There was nothing anybody could do to help. The only thing that would help was getting Toph back, and that would be quite the impossible feat. 

“Really, I’m okay.” Aang tried to smile, but it didn’t work. It was like he didn’t know how. Katara looked at her friend. It was so unlike him to not express his emotions. She didn’t know what had happened in the spirit world. They went up against Koh, Toph had paid the ultimate price, she knew nothing beyond that. It must’ve been atrocious if it left Aang in such a state.

“What’s wrong?” Katara asked. It was pained, Aang could hear it, but all he could muster up was a shrug. Katara let out a sad sigh and brought Aang into a hug. He hugged back, more out of habit than anything else. Katara left a little while after that, no doubt thinking that Aang was broken. Aang couldn’t help but agree.

He dreamt of Toph that night. Her smile, her laugh, her voice, her eyes. The way her skin was calloused and yet soft like silk. The way her hair would tickle Aang’s nose when they cuddled. The way her hum would reverberate through his chest when her head laid there. The way she would make him feel butterflies in his stomach with even the smallest of smiles. It hurt, knowing he’d wake up, but he had a job to do. He was the Avatar, and if Toph would’ve wanted one thing, it would be that Aang carried on making the world a better place. 

People would ask him for help and he would oblige. He helped those in need, it was in the job description of being the Avatar. Although, everyone who met him after Toph’s passing always said the same thing. He seemed vacant. He seemed like a part of him was missing. He silently agreed with every single one of them. A part of him was missing, Toph, and it was a part of himself he would never get back. 

Aang did his duty as Avatar, people knew better than to mention Toph. He kept the peace, he made arrangements. He didn’t seem sad, exactly. He just seemed empty. Empty and numb. He took down bad people and he saved people from earthquakes and fires. He did what he had to do as the Avatar. He just did it without emotion.

—

Aang knew it was a mistake, that he shouldn’t have gone there, but he did anyway. He hoped that he would just be able to hear her voice one last time. He’d gone years without hearing it, he had it committed to memory, but memories tended to fade over time. He wanted something, anything. Suffice to say, Aang was desperate. 

It was the first place he ever saw her, the first place he heard her laugh, he was at the Swamp. In the Swamp, time didn’t exist. People saw those whom they loved, those whom they lost, and this they had yet to meet. Toph was in two-thirds of those categories, so Aang hoped he’d hear her, see her one last time. 

Each step Aang took reverberated throughout his body. Each step Aang took showed him the world in a way he longed to forget; the way Toph would have seen it; if she were still alive. Aang, for once, allowed himself to think about her, think about their past. He thought about how he was the only one she taught to see how she saw, and how it had saved his life too many times to count. If only he’d been able to save her.  

He remembered how it felt to hear her laugh the first time. He remembered the excitement he felt when he actually met her in that arena. He remembered falling in love with her. He remembered the stolen kisses and the soft touches. He remembered the late nights they would lay outside and he would try to explain colours and stars. He remembered how her hand just seemed to fit in his. He remembered how it felt when he said he loved her for the first time, and she said it back. He remembered the moment where he decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. 

He was so caught up in reliving his life, he didn’t feel his knees give out under him or the tears streaming down his face. He didn’t notice the air going still. The thunder above him. The ground trembling beneath his touch. His skin was burning but he didn’t care. The dark clouds blocked out the sun. His arrows glowed faintly, all of the emotions he kept locked away all coming out at once. 

The rain and tears mixed, the thunderous roars complemented the rumbling of the earth. The air was so hot, so humid Aang could barely breathe. If Aang was being honest with himself, he didn’t know if he really wanted to breathe anyway. His mind was in shambles, he couldn’t think. Whenever he tried to get a hold of his emotions, calm down a little, he’d remember how scared she looked in Koh’s grasp. 

In a moment of desperation, Aang uttered a single word, a single syllable, a single name. “Toph.” it was quiet and gravelly. It hurt to say, to remember, to feel. At that moment, it could’ve been labelled insanity, but he heard it. He heard that heavenly sound. Aang heard Toph’s laugh.

For the first time in what felt like forever, he felt happy. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine she was right there beside him, that nothing had happened to her. He could pretend they were happy and in love. It all crashed down around him when she turned around. She had no face, Koh still haunted him. His waking life and his dreams. 

Toph’s laugh grew deeper. It morphed into a laugh Aang never wanted to hear again. He stood up straight. He wiped away his tears. He was reminded of why he couldn’t feel. He was reminded of why he didn’t smile, or laugh, or cry anymore. He was reminded of all that had been taken from him. 

“Koh,” Aang said simply. 

“Avatar Aang, Are you here to complete the matching set?” Koh asked, his voice smooth and condescending.

“You will never get my face. You will never complete your matching set, as you’ve called it. You already took Toph away from me, you don’t get my face,” Aang met the words with malice, but his voice and face showed no sign of it. 

“Is that so, Avatar?” Koh asked, seemingly innocent and naive, but Aang knew it was a ploy.

“Yes, and will that be all, or do you want to strike up another conversation?” 

“I guess that will be all.” Koh leaned closer to Aang. His breath was hot on Aang’s neck, and yet Aang’s face didn't move. “But know this, I will get your face.”

“No, Koh, you won’t. I won’t let you,” Aang left the swamp. His feet carried him into the nearest town. He bought a hat to cover up his arrows. The last thing he wanted was to be recognized. Aang’s life went on. He saved people, he smoothed over conflicts, he was the avatar. 

—

Aang died during his sleep, it wasn’t a painful death according to the medics. The world would get a new Avatar. They would be a waterbender and hopefully, they would be better than Aang. Aang looked towards the horizon, he was in the spirit world. He could tell. Maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to find Koh, get Toph back. Kuruk did it, Aang thought that it was at least worth a shot. Koh had her, he’d find him and they would be reunited. Somehow, in some way. Aang just couldn’t lose hope. 

Aang stood up and brushed himself off. There was a lot of ground to cover looking for Toph, he should start early. He took in the sights of the spirit world. It was gorgeous. The plant life, how the sun shone, the animals. It was all so beautiful. For the first time in a long long time, he allowed himself to smile. 

“Avatar Aang,” the voice wasn’t Koh’s, but it was still familiar. Kuruk.

“Avatar Kuruk,” Aang replied. Kuruk still had the animal skin hat and the spear. Aang presumed was also still looking for Ummi. It was something they had in common now. Looking for the love of their lives who were stolen by Koh.

“Why are you here?” Kuruk asked, his brows furrowing.

“Koh took the love of my life’s face, I’m here to get it back,” Aang said definitively.

“As am I. What if we were to look for Koh together?”

“It would be nice to have someone that understands what I’m going through,” Aang let out a dry laugh. 

“It would,” Kuruk said sadly. “May I tell you a story?”

“Of course,” Aang replied immediately. Kuruk dived into the story of his life. He spared no detail. It was nice to be distracted from something. Aang was glad to have someone else that knew he didn’t want to be thinking about the pain and the sorrow of his unimaginable loss. Toph would’ve known what he needed, but he decided not to dwell on that thought. 

Kuruk got to the point of the story where he met Ummi. He talked about her so animately. It was sweet that he spent more time describing her smile than he did on the actual storyline. Aang couldn’t blame him, he’d do the same talking about Toph. Aang smiled, it hurt. He hadn’t smiled, really smiled, in so long. It was nice though. 

“And what about your story?” Kuruk asked after he finished.

“Well, the story really began when I was woken up by two siblings from the southern water tribe,” Aang started. He recalled his adventures defeating the Fire Lord. Making friends. Meeting Toph. 

“Bonzu Pippinpaddleopsocopolis? Kuzon Fire?” Kuruk asked, laughing.

“Bonzu Pippinpaddleopsocopilis the Third, actually,” Aang laughed along with Kuruk. It sounded weird, laughing. He had forgotten what it sounded like. He was glad he had somebody that understood him again. Someone that knew what it was like.

—

“Everybody welcome: the new Avatar. Korra of the Southern Water Tribe.” Cheers rang out amongst the audience. It had been six years since Aang’s death. They had found the Avatar early when she had performed a firebending move. The young Avatar looked towards the cheering crowd and smiled. For a second it felt wrong to do, but she ignored that feeling and it went away quickly. 

She mingled and met officials and revelled in the attention. She met so many nice people, but her favourite had to be her waterbending instructor, Katara.

“What was the last Avatar like?” Korra asked. She couldn’t help being curious.

“Well, he was a really good friend of mine actually,” Katara replied, her eyes were misty thinking about all of the friends she’d lost.

“Really?”

“Yeah, but something happened to him,” Katara said solemnly. “And he was never quite the same after that.”

“What happened?”

“He lost the love of his life, she passed away.”

“What was her name?”

“Her name was Toph. We had a joke that it rhymed with tough. She was one of the strongest people I ever knew,” Katara smiled faintly, remembering all of the antics they got up to in their youth. “After Aang lost her, it was like he lost a part of himself. He did amazing things for the world, for the people, but it cost him a great price.”

“The love of his life,” Korra was smart and talented for a six year old, it was nice. Katara hoped that she would be able to stay so strong. She hoped nothing happened to her like it had happened to Aang.

“That,” Katara started. She thought about all the jokes Sokka cracked that wouldn’t receive a laugh. All the angry officials that wouldn’t get Aang’s frustration or resignation. All the tragic stories that wouldn’t get a tear. “And his humanity.”