#🪣 ᱨ𐓹ꮣᱨ 🜶ⲷиⲷ́ booyahs

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

[ID: a meme image consisting of four panels arranged in a square. the upper left panel is of a feminine fair skinned octoling putting a hand on the shoulder of a masculine tan skinned inkling, both with dark purple ink and text reading "Regular Couple" on the bottom. the upper right panel is of a masculine brown skinned inkling and a masculine fair skinned octoling looking at each other over their shoulders, both with chocolate brown ink and text reading "Yaoi Couple" on the bottom. the bottom left panel is of a feminine pale skinned inkling and a feminine brown skinned octoling interlocking arms, both with light beige ink and text reading "Yuri Couple" on the bottom. the bottom right panel is of a manta ray smiling and giving an equivalent to a thumbs up gesture, with text reading "Ay See No Difference" on the top and text reading "Love Is Love" on the bottom. the text of the first three panels has been sloppily edited with handwritten script to instead read "butch/femme couple," "butch/butch couple," and "femme/femme couple"]

ooc here's the "unedited" version of the meme if you guys want it

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

as it turns out, i have been going through medical journals in salmonese that talk about glowfly related disorders recently! i focus more on just the most common disorder in the essay i'm writing, but i'll give the tl;dr on that and go more in-depth on the type of conditions you seem to be alluding to here:

nearly all salmonids are affected by migraine-like headaches that are caused and exacerbated by the noise and light emitted from glowflies, with the exception of juvenile smallfry and most neotenic adults. the onset of these headaches happen once a salmonid goes through puberty, which is also the point of their life when the intensity of these headaches is at its most severe. this is why most instances of glowfly rushes involve younger salmonids that are both experiencing this level of pain for the first time and are lacking the sense of emotional regulation to restrain themselves from physically lashing out at the perceived source of the problem. by the time a salmonid has grown into adulthood, the headaches will still occur but they will both be at a lower intensity and the salmonid themself will more likely be better equipped to deal with them emotionally

however, there are pathogens that will trigger high intensity headaches in adults from exposure to glowflies. this class of diseases are typically caused by eating rotten or parasite-laden meat (as a matter of fact, one of these diseases literally does translate to "brain rot"), and by getting fluids from an infected salmonid into the body. another concurrent symptom of these diseases is scale loss, which manifests as itchy skin for people who don't have scales. like with most infectious diseases, the afflicted salmonid is quarantined and disallowed from traveling with migrating schools until their condition has subsided

so if the salmonid that bit you was in a group of peers around the same age, you aren't in any grave danger. you should still seek medical attention, but for the most part all you need to do is make sure your wound stays clean and doesn't get infected

if the salmonid was solitary, and looked older with patchy scales (smallfry that contract these diseases typically succumb to intestinal issues and would be too fatigued to bite), you absolutely should go to urgent care as soon as possible. while it technically isn't a theoretical chemical that causes a state of overdrive in your body, you're still at high risk of falling ill from the bite if you don't get medical intervention

I got bit by a glowfly-crazed salmonid yesterday and now it’s starting to itch, is this normal?

No.

TLDR: Go to your nearest hospital, right now.

While I'm not in any way an expert on Salmonoid biology and can't explain this phenomenon as clearly as I wish I could, Glowflies have a dangerous effect on them, as seeing them releases a chemical in their body which basically sends them into "overdrive".

The Inkfish body is not built for this chemical, and there is a non-zero chance that it may have gotten into your inkstream through the bite.

Seek immediate help, as leaving it untreated can have extremely dire consequences; we're talking likely life altering.

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

[ID: a screenshot of a post by squitter user @​kril. the post reads "so long suckers! i rev up my reef silder and create a huge cloud of mist. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement"]

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

so with the big run happening at wahoo world in less than 2 weeks, many people looking to leave grizzco will likely find themselves unable to break out of their contracts in time of the run itself. here's some tips from your local union rep to help ensure the safety and wellbeing of your fellow laborers and of the migrating salmonids:

if you aren't employed at all and see all those openings the weekend of big run, do NOT be tempted by any promises of a high pay grade. new employees are always paid the lowest wages that the company can get away with, and if you sign up as a temp worker they'll almost always worm their way of paying you entirely and claim your shifts as being an unpaid internship

grizzco recruiters target inkfish fresh out of school who aren't familiar with regulatory standards and practices for jobs involving manual labor and don't know their rights as workers. check in with your local chapter of the industrial woomies of the world and they can bring you up to speed on whatever you need to know about your rights

if you are employed at a workplace that was acquired in a grizzco buyout and were grandfathered into the company, double-check the terms your contract. don't let upper management pressure you into big run participation if your contract exempts you from doing salmon runs, despite any claims of it being "mandatory" work

call in sick if you're feeling unwell the day before, even if you know you aren't contagious. grizzco might not pay you sick leave, but they're still obligated to give you that time off. contact the union if you're refused time off and they'll back you up and help you deal with management

never go more than 2 hours on the job without taking a break. make it a minimum of 15 minutes, and make sure you drink some water and have something to eat in the meantime

keep your eye out for the pathways salmonids are taking on land, and make sure nobody crowds around the places where they're surfacing from the water

ink storms can reduce visibility for everybody, not just workers. redirect any drizzler projectiles towards the sky above the ocean so they don't accidentally hit any salmonids on land

if there's a slammin lid out on the field, make sure any workers and salmonids on the ground stay out of its crash radius

don't go out of your way to go past quota. the only reward a hard worker gets is more work

always ask for consent before kissing your coworkers on the job

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

just finished editing the greeting card my roommate wanted to mail out to her family and friends out in the sea! and now you guys on chumblr get a happy holidays from the both of us!

happy salmonalia, blessed jellyule, happy cohanukkah, merry fishmas, shrimpmas, and squidmas, happy octomisoka, and happy new year. i wish i knew more winter holidays off the top of my head

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

dude i already know about how consecutive splats can affect ovulation. they hammer it into your head throughout your middle school health classes. there's a 50/50 chance the attendant in the lobby will tell you all that again while you're queuing up for a match if you look girly enough. the TWAs don't let you play if you're pregnant despite the multiple urban legends that have gone around about finding premature paralarvae in the middle of a stage. i don't give a shit about my fertility. it's super easy to take birth control for a few days if you don't want to have your egg cycle interrupted from getting splatted too much, and if you really want to conceive a child so badly while still participating in turf war just lay the damn egg instead

anyway this isn't even about the technology itself! it's about corporations invalidating our right to privacy!! the software companies that make parts for the respawners linked to randos i team up with don't need to be collecting data that can easily be sold or leaked on what time of the month eggs go through my fucking oviduct!!!!!

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

i've noticed with the upcoming big run more people are wondering how to clean up objects that get covered with salmonid ink*, so here's my advice:

the same class of airborne microbes that feed on ink spilled on surfaces also break down salmonid ink. it takes a little bit longer than it does with inkfish ink since the microbes in the air where most inkfish live aren't as acclimated to salmonid ink, but you could just air it out and it'll clear up on its own. further cleaning and disinfecting is necessary for food-grade surfaces and toys, same as with inkfish ink once it clears up (which you guys have been doing when cleaning up inked objects anyway right? right?????)

on a similar note, cleaning supply chains stock aerosol cans filled with concentrated microbes to aid in breaking down spilled ink faster (try not to call it "inkbug spray" though since that confuses people half the time). makomart and other general goods stores sell lower concentration microbe spray, typically behind locked shelves they won't open for you unless you show an ID confirming you're above the age of majority. there is a notable difference in speed between the standard spray sold in general stores and the heavy-duty spray used in janitorial work. the specialty concentrate formulas used specifically for inkfish ink, salmonid ink, and other similar bodily fluids do work the fastest on their one thing, but in my opinion they aren't worth using over heavy-duty general spray considering the much higher price point make sure you wear a mask, gloves, and eye protection when using these sprays, and ABSOLUTELY DO NOT use them to flush out salmonid ink from tentacles. it will sting when the spray makes contact with your body, and prolonged exposure can cause rashes and bacterial infection. any sprayed surface must be disinfected once the ink clears up while these sprays are shelf stable and will keep for at least a decade, there was a recall specifically for spray to break down salmonid ink back in 2018 over cross-contamination with norovirus. if, say, you opted for taking one of these cans from your local grizzco branch to give a non-specific example, check the best-by date printed on the can. if it's within the year 2026 or earlier, there's a very high chance it was affected by the norovirus recall

if you are an inkfish and do get salmonid ink staining your tentacles, you can wash it out with the same type of saline solution used in nasal irrigation. the higher the concentration of salmonid ink and longer it stays in, the harder it will be to flush out, but you can get it all out eventually. make sure you take breaks in flushing out your tentacles with saline if you feel it negatively affecting your osmotic pressure

*the term "ink" is only used here for the sake of ease and clarity. salmonids technically don't generate ink like inkfish do, and the fluid in question is better described as a mucus-laden saliva. it isn't any more or less gross to think about for too long than our own pastimes of shooting ink at each other for sport

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

this is going to sound incredibly conspiracy minded but the more i look into salmonid migration patterns and the big run phenomenon the more i'm convinced that grizzco itself it the source of the magnetic fields that mess with inkfish sensory organs whenever they send their teams out to do salmon runs. the only research that solidly confirms the existence of magnetic fields surrounding the most common sites they deploy workers to and the sites of big runs was conducted by scientists employed by grizzco (and published within paywalled papers at that); independent researchers have found evidence of these fields to be spotty at best, and typically coincide with instances of grizzco doing simultaneous field work

also, think back to when the salmonid migration passed through the wahoo keys again this past december. what was initially thought to be scheduling errors within the TWA on led to wahoo world being in the stage rotation for turf war on december 14th at 4:00 UTC, anarchy battle tower control at 10:00 UTC, and x battle splat zones at 18:00 UTC and clam blitz at 22:00 UTC. in practice, these turned out to be deviations in the schools' migration patterns that left the turfing stage at wahoo world clear for two hour periods each as salmonids passed through other areas of the park, and grizzco vehicles and copters were relocated accordingly. ink sports players on the stage reported no interference with their ability to sense their surroundings or freely super jump during these periods. keep your eye out for similar instances to these happening at inkblot art academy during the weekend of march 7th

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

[ID: a drawing of uni, a blue robot resembling an inkling girl with long tentacles and member of the band @c0l0rgraph1c. to her left is handwritten text that reads as follows: *flies into u* oh im sorry *flies into u* sorrgy accident.. *flies into u* *flies into u* *flies into u* *flies into u* why r u on fire...]

uni i'm so sorrgy that this ended up being my first ever piece of fan art i've drawn for the band

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

this is probably my most boomer take yet but i absolutely cannot stand smart respawners. i've been using the same analog-digital hybrid respawner for general use since 2008; this thing can run on a pair of C batteries, it's old enough to participate in ink-based extreme sports, and it's still working as well as it did on day one. obviously i had to get a new model a couple years ago to use specifically for turf war when i came back on the scene, and i'm just grateful the standard issue ones provided by the TWA don't require a phone link and are transparent with the data they record and make it easy enough to opt out of any of the unnecessary data sharing and telemetry

just reading all the stuff that's required to operate the newest high-end models is enough to drive me up the wall. i'm not giving you my phone number. why do you need to stay connected to the internet? i don't want to download your app. stop telling me to make an account. why is there a banner ad at the bottom of the touch screen display? no you cannot make automated posts to squitter on my behalf. i'm not turning on my location. you're keeping track of exactly how many steps i took since the last time i got splatted? why do you want my biometrics so badly?? i swear they're adding in so many invasive features to these things that i'm going to have to start blocking people from matchmaking over their unoptimized respawner settings. why did this kid on my team get a notification on their phone to tell them that i'm ovulating?????

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

i just got off the bus to splatsville and can hear frye screaming and yelling from halfway across the city. deep cut are not taking their misreading of the big run announcement well lmao

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

was eating a crab trap in the park earlier and this woman with merch of her fucking bogwharfs house plastered all over her bag sat herself down across from me at the picnic table trying to chat me up. "you like witches huh? you're reading squicked? i actually haven't read the book myself ha ha :)" yeah i could tell you haven't read another book

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

have you guys really not been reading the news???? the salmonid migration anywhere close to inkblot right now and won't be passing through until the second weekend of march. the fucking grizzco bulletin even says so

"why did the sky look orange when i woke up" have you not heard of sunrises and sunsets????? coddamn

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

she walks up to you asking to borrow 250G to buy some lobster ramen at the bodega despite the fact that she still has not payed you back for the multiple other times she got lobster ramen, what do you do

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

do you guys remember when hobby cubby got caught smuggling artifacts from um'ami ruins AGAIN after they already got caught smuggling artifacts from territories cohabited by salmonids and octarians

[punkbooyahbomber2227]

so what's your personal ranking of all the crab-n-go drinks?

ink saver main (citrus-lemonade) - perfect blend of different citrus fruits. no notes. team sour represent 🍋

special charge up (ramune) - this and grape and orange used to be my top favorites as a kid, but i've found myself preferring the more complex flavor profile of the ink saver main drink as i got older

ink resistance up (grape)

quick super jump (orange)

sub power up (carbonated lemonade) - people tend to say this and the ramune flavor are too similar but there's definitely a difference and ramune's just better in my opinion

run speed up (tomato juice/gazpacho) - i wish they'd sell a hot tomato soup variant in the winter though

special saver (salted melon)

quick respawn (mocha) - i always have a hard time finding crab-n-gos that stock this variant unfortunately

special power up (lemon-apple cider)

sub resistance up (lime)

quick respawn (iced tea) - this is the variant sold at the crab-n-go by the bus stop i take to go to splatsville. tbh if i plan on grinding quick respawn chunks i get my drink there instead of the splatsville lobby

ink recovery up (watermelon)

special saver (caffè latte)

intensify action (mixed berry)

ink saver sub (blueberry-blackberry-blackcurrant)

quick respawn (matcha) - the flavor itself is okay and i'd rank it between caffè latte and mixed berry otherwise, but i hate the aftertaste it leaves in my mouth. whether it's served hot or cold doesn't make enough of a difference for me to rank them separately

quick respawn (black tea)

swim speed up (cherry-apple) - incredibly biased placement. i drink this rather often despite hating the flavor since i grind for swim speed chunks pretty regularly. cherry flavored stuff always tastes like medicine to me and the apple does not mask it enough. it has not grown on me at all

n/a. special saver (kiwi) - i haven't been to a crab-n-go that sells this variant yet. i never had kiwi in general since my dad was allergic to it and it doesn't seem appealing enough for me to go out of my way to try some