#🥀 ˚｡⋆🍷⋆୨♡୧ Crimson sadness

[crimson-jirai]

thirty minutes and still no likes on my first post... [cry]

[crimson-jirai]

CRIMSON PASSION IGNITES MY HEART... 🫀 (intro!!)

HAI EVERYONE!!! IM CRIMSON!! IM LIKE... A BIT NEW TO THE JIRAI COMMUNITY BUT I WANTED TO MAKE A BLOG LIKE THIS FOR A VERY LONG TIME SO YEAH!!!

ABOUT ME:

AGE: 15

SEXUALITY: LESBIAN

GENDER: NON-BINARY (SHE/THEY)

STUFF I HAVE:

AUTISM (SELF DIAGNOSED AS MY COUNTRY MAINLY IGNORES AFAB PPL WITH AUTISM + WILL DISCRIMINATE AGAINST THEM GREATLY)

(SOCIAL) ANXIETY (DIAGNOSED... YIPPIE)

DEPRESSION

ALSO... I DONT SH... I AM CLEAN FOR ABOUT... 3 YEARS I BELIEVE BY NOW?? AND WOULD LIKE TO STAY THAT WAY AND I HOPE U GUYS CAN SUPPORT ME THROUGHOUT THAT!!!

DNI :

BASIC DNI CRITERIA, ZIONISTS, L0LI/SH0TAC0NS, ANTI-RECOVERY, ANTI-NEOPRONOUNS (DONT USE EM BUT THEY COOL AS HELL!!! SO NO HATING.), VIVZIEPOP MEDIA FANS.

WHAT I'LL POST!! :

VENTS, RANDOM THOUGHTS AND SUCH... ALSO I WANNA BE A LITTLE SILLY AND BE A BIT IDOL-LIKE SO YEAH :33 HOPE U GUYS WILL LIKE THAT ASWELL!!!

HASHTAGS:

#‧₊˚🫀✩ ₊˚☎️⊹♡ Crimson calls = normal posts/random thoughts!

#🥀 ˚｡⋆🍷⋆୨♡୧ Crimson sadness = vents!

#๋࣭ ⭑🍒⚝ Crimson is an idol! = "idol activities" (fan name is "rose garden", as suggested by 🍧🦴 anon!! :3)

#𓊆❤️‍🩹🧷𓊇ྀི Crimson notices you! = asks! (PLEASE SEND ASKS PLSS!!! YOU CAN BE A TINY BIT PARASOCIAL I DONT MIND!! IM AN IDOL AFTER ALL !!! >:3)

I HOPE WE'LL ALL GET ALONG ❤️‍🩹🌹

[crimson-jirai]

I genuinely hate school sm... like for the last two days I've stayed home and it's just so much nicer, I dont even have any friends at school. I hate going. "Oh but you're there to learn" yeah, but I have to spend 30 minutes each break sitting in the bathroom because I find myself weird for walking or sitting somewhere alone eating, not you. I'm so tired of it all, I wish I still had friends, I cant handle being alone. I hate it all just so much, I can't stand one more minute of being alone; I miss my old friends so much... but it's good that I stood up for myself (albeit not in the best way AKA hitting one of them with a plastic bag) I shouldnt let people parade me around and use me. I'm also slowly starting to stop hiding and just... sitting somewhere and not really care what others think, so I'm proud of myself for that. ❤️‍🩹

[crimson-jirai]

I love you all sm... pls dont ignore me... what can I do so you'll all pay attention to me?..

[crimson-jirai]

gonna go to bed now... pls send some asks for me to answer tomorrow morning, if it's not too much trouble❤️‍🩹

[crimson-jirai]

I honestly hate being "different", its sucks. Everyone is always like, telling people that them being unique is good and all that (which it is) but then hate others for being different. Everyday at school people mock my way of speech (I have a bit of a deep voice and tend to mumble a bit) or are just straight up rude/disrespectful to me. One of my former best friends who I fell apart with literally said that I "love to play victim" when that is not true at all, at this point I dont even know how to act because I'm too scared to be myself but for some reason I can't seem to atleast act normal or fit in. I'm too scared to actually express how I feel because I keep on being told by those who were supposed to support me (my old friends) that my feelings aren't valid and that I'm wrong for feeling the way I feel. I dont know what to do anymore and I just feel so alone.

[crimson-jirai]

decided to stay home today since everything is just too much for me... atleast I can spend the day with my rose garden❤️‍🩹

[crimson-jirai]

just found out today ppl are calling me weird/ugly behind my back... fuck my life.

[crimson-jirai]

okay so today was...less bad. I hope I'll feel good enough to post some "idol pictures" (AKA my main idol activity) tomorrow as I feel like I havent done so in a while... ty for being patient with me, my lovely rose garden❤️‍🩹

[crimson-jirai]

I have gym today... I hate my life.

[crimson-jirai]

Period cramps are killing me so I'm gonna eep and hope I'll feel better tomorrow... hopefully I will wake up to lots of notes and asks from my lovely rose garden...❤️‍🩹

[crimson-jirai]

I HATE MY LIFE!!!! No matter how hard I try to always be positive and be good and respectful and yadayadayada– it never works out. Like I literally try my best to get good grades, I get bad grades. I'm nice to people even though I shouldn't be, I get used and bullied. Like my life has literally 0 meaning anymore because this fucking school ruined everything I liked; my friendships, my hobbies, everything. Everything is ruined and I dont know how to fix it because I dont know how to even begin to handle it all, today I was literally crying and everyone just giggled at me, even today during the break I could hear them whisper they didn't want me there. How am I supposed to make friends when seemingly no one even wants to breath the same air as me out of disgust. Like I get I'm not pretty and all but like I just feel so alone, who can I go to when I cry? No one, I dont have anyone to comfort me, care for me, or literally only say it's gonna be okay without being condesending. What the hell is wrong with me?

[crimson-jirai]

today at school was so draining... I CANT EVEN TALK ANYMORE IN PUBLIC BC I HAVE NO FRIENDS... AND TEACHERS KEEP CALLING OUT THE FACT IM SITTING ALONE (ONE EVEN ACCIDENTALY CALLED MY PICTURE UGLY, THOUGH HE DIDNT MEAN THAT BC HE MISSPOKE AND WHAT HE MEANT WAS THAT HE COULDNT SEE THE PICTURE THAT WELL... THOUGH EVERYONE DID LAUGH AT ME.) ... WHY DONT U JUST DISPLAY ME IN THE TOWN SQUARE AND LET PPL THROW TOMATOES AT ME AT THIS POINT.

[crimson-jirai]

Okay so... day just sucked. I skipped gym "sortof" and got into like... light trouble. Sucks but still... maybe my rose garden will help me feel better❤️‍🩹

[crimson-jirai]

on a similair note as my last post, I also got called (mentally) slow today by some older girls who I felt tolerated me a little bit. I suppose they didn't anymore because I said them recording and straight up bullying a trans girl is wrong and that I felt bad for the girl (and they began twisting my words and stuff) and then I began crying and they began asking weird shit like "do you have sleepless nights?" In a condesending tone and all that. I hate this school. I hate it all so much. My mom's being pissy again too because of my grades and I literally have only 1 real friend at this point and he goes to another school. I lowkey wanna end it all at this point because nothing seems to be going better no matter how much I try, no matter how many mantras or affirmations I say, nothing gets better.

[crimson-jirai]

Such a horrible night last night... my mom got mad at me again... I'm trying my hardest yet she doesn't seen to care at all.