#📓mei’s yapping

[soubeomies]

happy leehan day <3

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this fic makes me my life complete like yes remove my makeup for me ill literally fold

wish you were sober

pairing. best friend!leehan x reader genre. best friends to lovers (?), fluff, a sprinkle of angst, mutual pining word count. 1.8k warnings. reader is drunk and attempts to kiss leehan in this state (+ reader is shorter than leehan and wears makeup) masterlist

all it takes is one call from you, calling out his name with a voice that’s poutier than normal, before leehan’s striding out the door with his car keys in his hands.

when he sees you, you’re leaning against an electric pole, hugging it like it’s your lifeline. your other friends are around you, trying to pry you off, but you only push them away. from where he parks, he vaguely catches his name falling from your lips before he marches towards you and calls out your name himself.

you look up, eyes widened like saucers. instantly, as if you’re electrocuted, you pull away from the pole and glare at it, reprimanding. “you’re not leehan.”

the group around you bursts into laughter, and leehan can’t help the small chuckle that escapes him either. when he walks closer to you, you immediately cling onto him the same way you did to the pole, your cheek squished against his chest.

“my leehan is here,” you mumble.

he would have melted—no, dissolved—if not for the fact that he’s wholly supporting your weight and that all your friends are eyeing the two of you giddily. hence, his legs are forced to hold up straight, even though his heart is nothing but putty in your hands. he translates this through his expression instead, softening as he looks down at you and gently pats your head.

after thanking your friends for taking care of you, he walks off with you in tow. with one hand placed securely on the small of your back, he opens the car door with the other and attempts to seat you in the passenger’s seat. it takes a bit, because you’re reluctant to leave your hold on him, but he eventually gets you inside the car.

still leaning over, he easily fastens your seatbelt with a click. when he tries to pull away, however, you immediately snake your arms around his neck, holding him in place. it’s so sudden that he drops his hand onto your thigh for balance, but he quickly moves it before the touch can linger.

you’re staring at him, eyelashes fluttering. unlike your previous demeanour, your eyes seem to have more clarity in them now. you’re looking at him as if you’re searching for something beyond, while he’s looking at you as if he’s searching for a way out.

it’s too much. the blasting music down the street, the whirs of engines on the road, the mix of breaths between you, the ghost of your fingers on his nape, the weight of your eyes on him, the beat of his heart against his chest.

he feels too much, and yet, he can’t take his eyes off you.

slowly, you drag one hand from his nape, your fingers brushing past his ears and sending shivers down his spine, until it settles on his jaw. you cradle it gently, your thumb caressing his cheek. then, for a sliver of a moment, you drop your gaze.

it’s just a split second, but he catches it all the same. without realising, he finds himself flickering his eyes as well, and it’s all the indication you need to pull him closer.

that’s when leehan smiles, and then removes your arms around him easily. “get some rest. i’ll wake you up when we arrive.” he pats your head before shutting the car door.

when he climbs in the car from the opposite side, you’re facing the front and blinking blankly as if you’ve been slapped. he resists the urge to hold your hand like he always does on car rides, and forces his eyes to the front before driving off.

you do end up falling asleep, and when he gets you out of the car, he has to hoist you up against him snugly because you’re leaning your entire weight on him again. he doesn't mind, never when it comes to you, so he keeps his arm around your waist the entire time he’s bringing you up to your apartment. even when he reaches your door and has to fish out the spare key you gave him from his bag, he makes sure his hold on you is secure and that you’re resting your head on him.

when he unlocks the door, it seems to have briefly snapped you out of your delirium, because you’re removing yourself from him and staggering towards the sofa, much to his concern. he swiftly moves next to you, guiding you to the soft cushions and gently laying you down.

you immediately shut your eyes, quick to fall asleep again. at this, leehan sighs as he brushes the hair away from your face. “don’t wanna wash up first?” he asks softly. when you scrunch your nose in displeasure, he lets out a small smile. “not even your makeup?” he prods, and you respond with a quiet groan before you fall silent again.

his smile increases and he nods. “okay. just rest.”

truth be told, the alcohol in your system has already started to dissipate bit by bit, so even if you wanted to sleep—and never wake up again after what happened in the car—you couldn’t help but register all the stimuli around you, effectively reconnecting your consciousness to the world. this includes the ruffles of leehan’s clothes as he stands up and the fading of his footsteps as he opens the door to a room, prompting a series of noises from within, before the footsteps are fading back in until they cease right next to you.

the shuffles are heard again as he sits down, then the light sound of bottles hitting the floor. you furrow your eyebrows, finally opening your eyes just in time to see leehan place a soaked cotton pad on your face.

leehan immediately smiles when he meets your gaze, and he wordlessly prompts you to close your eyes so he can place two cotton pads on them. you do so without a fight, though your insides are practically fighting.

“let me know if i’m too rough,” he says, then begins swiping a cotton pad across your skin. he lets the ones on your eyes sit for just a little longer before he gently wipes off your eye makeup. “i’m sorry,” he lets out meekly when he has to apply more pressure on a stubborn area.

you remain silent the entire time, but you open your eyes again when you feel a warm towel on your face. he meets your eyes and smiles, as softly as how he’s dabbing the towel on your skin, wiping away the residue of your makeup remover. he does this a few times; washing the towel in the bowl of water and squeezing out the excess; and you keep your eyes on him all the while.

when he thinks he’s successfully cleaned your makeup, he adjusts his position, ready to stand up, but your voice immediately halts him.

“leehan,” you call, quiet and almost vulnerable.

he places your skincare back on the floor and faces you completely. “yeah?” he responds, round eyes staring at you softly… and fondly.

“you just took off my makeup,” you state matter-of-factly, ignoring your astute observation which has only added to the whirlwind inside you.

leehan blinks, then nods. “did i do it wrong?” he asks. “but i did it like this last time too… and the youtube videos….” he trails off, talking more to himself than anything.

“leehan,” you begin, your eyebrows furrowing. “do you do this for your other friends?”

he looks almost scandalized at your question. “no?” he lets out in incredulity. “you know i only do this for you.”

recollections of all the times you had been drunk and all the times he had taken care of you without any complaints, including taking off your makeup, flash across your head.

you suck in a sharp breath, looking him in the eyes directly. “then why?”

leehan tilts his head. “what do you mean?”

you avert your gaze, suddenly feeling too seen by him. silence encompasses you for a while and he allows it, waiting for you but not urging you—it’s little things like this that made you realise you never stood a chance against the line that threatens to be crossed in your friendship.

you hope he feels the same when you ask, “why did you reject me?”

the air feels heavy when you drop the question, and the silence that follows is even more so. you don’t dare to look at him, especially after the prolonged hesitance from him. still, you wait, even though you’re already close to withering inside. but when he finally speaks, the last bit of hope you’ve futilely held onto escapes like a droplet of water from a broken pipe.

“you’re drunk,” he says, but he instantly realises the gravity of his words when he sees the way you falter, the way he can hear a crack from you—and he feels himself shatter as well.

“no, y/n, i didn’t mean it like that,” he coaxes, getting up on his knees and placing a hand on your arm when you turn away from him.

“what other meaning is there?”

he pats your arm, prompting you to turn around. “look at me, y/n, please,” his tone is so sincere that you waver, glancing back at him.

“i said you’re drunk not because i’m trying to dismiss what you said,” he says firmly, needing to be as clear as possible. “but because it’s just not right for me to accept any gesture like that in your state,” he starts, then adds softly; hesitantly, “as much as i wanted to.”

the tears prickling at your eyes had been so close to falling until you caught what he said at the end. suddenly, your tears are gone and all you’re left with is confusion.

“hold on,” you turn to face him fully, momentarily surprised by the lack of proximity between you before you focus again. “did i hear that correctly?”

leehan’s ears turn an evident cerise, but he doesn’t move his eyes that are blinking up at you roundly. “i don’t want to talk about this when you’re drunk,” he laments, almost petulantly.

“i’m not drunk,” you refute firmly, and while you know it’s not entirely false, you also know your best friend wouldn’t fall for it.

“i’d rather spill my heart out when you’re not seconds away from passing out.” he attempts a joke, one corner of his lips quirking weakly, even though he feels like his heart is actually about to spill out his chest with the way it’s rattling his rib cage in anxiety.

you don’t have the energy to entertain him, so you remain tight-lipped as you stare at him.

leehan breathes out, deflating as he opens his mouth again. “instead,” he says, all traces of playfulness gone. “please… remember this moment.” he looks at you through his lashes, suddenly seeming so small, and his tone is too solemn, too desperate. “i’m not sure if i can handle another seven years.”

a/n. i just wanted to write abt leehan taking off ur makeup when ure drunk idk why it turned into a word vomit 😭 but i hope it was enjoyable to read!

© blissfullsvn 2024. All Rights Reserved.

[soubeomies]

i’ll be going on an indefinite hiatus for awhile! i’m so busy with life, see u all once i’m back and thriving ✨✨

[soubeomies]

ouuuu 👀👀👀 xdh content soon ?!

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i want to receive reqs SO BAD :(

[soubeomies]

smh reading angst at night hits different hold on let me cry rq cause this is acctually me

gently, by your side | jaehyun

members: myung jaehyun x gender neutral reader

genre: college au, angst, comfort, best friends! to ???, more platonic stuff in this one

tags/warnings: extensive discussions of mental health and chronic/mental illness, y/n is not okay. :(

summary: jaehyun finds you after a bad week.

wc: 2.7k

a/n: this fic’s title comes from this lovely song. as someone who’s struggled with both chronic and mental illness, it really takes someone strong and amazing to keep on going, despite everything. most of the dialogue in this comes from my own musings and experiences with mental health. i wrote this for a dear mutual of mine! i hope better days will come for you soon, whenever that may be. meanwhile, i hope this gives you comfort when things are tough! sending lots of love <3 

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5 days ago 1:28 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

(y/n) we haven’t seen each other in such a loooong time imy :(( i mean i KNOW it’s just been a couple of days since we last hung out but still!!!!!!! when are we seeing each other again !!!! tell me ur schedule QUICK !!!!

4 days ago 6:33 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

heeeeyyyyyyyyy (with the intention to hang out) heeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy reply to meeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! tell me when ur free pls i miss u :((

3 days ago 11:58 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

hey i didn’t see u at the party today i thought u said u were going last week!!!  also i asked around and people said they haven’t seen u around recently??? and they don’t know what ur up to

2 days ago 2:05 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

heeeyyyy ?????????? did i do smth?????  or are u just really busy w school and work idk either way pls just let me know :(( i won’t bother u if ur rlllyyy busy

10:35 PM sorry if i’m being annoying btw

Yesterday  11:32 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

ok i thought about it reaaaaaallly hard and i don’t think i’ve done anything to make u mad or upset w me??? well aside from that time last last week that u got mad at me for accidentally messing w ur computer and deleting ur work files WHICH IM LIKE REALLY SORRY FOR but i fixed it!!!!! i thought we were good alrd!!! are u still mad at me 4 that ?

1:00 AM (y/n)?

1:28 AM idk  i thought i was ur best friend :(( did smth change???

2:47 AM pls pls reply :(( i know we can talk this out i don’t want us to not be ok

Today  3:00 PM 🐶 cutie puppy i’m coming over.

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Sitting up from your bed, your heart thuds in anxiety as you quickly scroll through your chat history with Jaehyun. Your eyes hurt and your brain feels especially foggy, like you’re looking at the world through a particularly cloudy lens. How long did you sleep? The last thing you recall was working on your assignments last night, then choosing to sleep instead when you got overwhelmed. Even then, you slept fitfully. You remember setting an alarm at 9 AM today to continue working, but even as you sat at your desk, you couldn’t type a single sentence on your laptop. Everything felt muddled and it was as if you couldn’t understand anything at all. Even the cups of coffee you drank in desperation was of no use keeping you alert; all it did was make you palpitate.

Then you gave up, went back to bed, and you’re here now. Checking the chat timestamps, you realize you haven’t replied to Jaehyun’s messages in almost a week, which has never happened before—you talk almost everyday, even multiple times a day. Jaehyun’s last message was at 3 PM, when he said he’d come over. One look at your screen shows you it’s already 3:20. If you’ve memorized his schedule right, it takes your best friend thirty minutes to get to your dorm from his Fundamental Maths class. That means you have ten more minutes to get your shit together and clean your mess of a room. 

But right when you’ve mustered the energy to stand up, you hear a series of knocks on your door. That can’t be— “(Y/n), open up, I know you’re in there!” Jaehyun’s voice echoes from outside the door. “I asked your dormmate and she said you haven’t left your room since yesterday, so there’s no use pretending!” Shit, shit, shit! You immediately spring up and hastily fold your blankets and organize your desk, throwing away stray food wrappers and plastic cups. You open your blinds to let some air in, and the bright sunlight makes your head throb even more. 

On your way to the door, you spot yourself in the mirror. There’s no other word for it—you look like utter shit. Your eyebags are dark and prominent, your hair disheveled from tossing and turning in your sleep. You look horrendous, but Jaehyun is persistently knocking on your door, so you have no choice but to fix yourself up as fast as you can. You splash water on your face and smoothen down your hair and open the door—then there’s Jaehyun in all his glory. Your heart clenches seeing him; he looks as handsome as always, his bangs fluffy and soft and his letterman jacket fashionably oversized. He looks nothing like you in your ratty T-shirt with coffee stains and pajama shorts. His hand is halfway raised, positioned to knock at your door (he could and would probably do it all day if he had to). Upon seeing you, he blurts out: “Did I do something?”

Instead of answering him, you open your door wider as an invitation, and Jaehyun takes the hint, stepping into your dorm. Once the door is shut, Jaehyun peers at your messy room and remarks, “Wow. When was the last time you cleaned up? You’re usually not like this.”

You know he didn’t mean it like that, but his comment stings at you all the same. “Sorry, Jaehyun,” you snap, “not everyone can be at 200% energy all the time like you.” At his hurt expression, you backtrack. “Sorry, that was really rude of me.”

“It-It’s fine,” Jaehyun replies confusedly. Then he looks straight at you, eyes pleading. He’s picking at the stray thread hanging from his jacket, a habit you’ve come to known is something he does when he’s nervous. “You know what, I thought about it. For days, really, if I did anything that would make you mad and ignore me. But I couldn’t come up with anything at all. I was really worried when you didn’t reply to me for days on end, especially when we talk everyday. So if I did something, can—can you just tell me? I just want us to be okay.”

Your throat closes up and your heart pounds even faster, making you feel dizzy. You have no idea how to answer him, when all he’s ever seen of you is the perfect student who does everything right, who’s smart and good at what they do without any flaws or exceptions. How would he react if he saw you for who you really were?

The words can’t form in your mouth, and out of frustration at yourself, you tear up. Jaehyun notices this, eyes widening in worry, “(y/n), baby, no, no,” and pulls you into his arms. Almost instantly, the tears cascade down your face and sobs wrack your body. You feel pathetic crying in your best friend’s arms, but Jaehyun just soothes a hand up and down your back as you break down. His other arm is wrapped around your shoulders, and it feels like your anchor when you’re drowning in all your troubles. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he says in a hushed tone, “let it all out.” You grip his jacket even tighter as you bury your face in his chest. 

When was the last time you’ve ever been hugged like this? The last time you’ve ever been truly vulnerable to anyone without that mask of perfection you often don? The last time you felt safe just being yourself? You have no idea. All you know that is in the circle of Jaehyun’s arms, you want to be small and imperfect and yourself just this once.

After your cries die down, Jaehyun clears his throat. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I don’t know what it is I did, but I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

“It’s not you, Jaehyun,” your voice is muffled by both your sniffles and Jaehyun’s chest. You don’t want Jaehyun to get the wrong idea that he’s hurt you in some way because of how broken he sounds thinking he’s done something to make you sad. “It’s just. Me.”

“You? What do you mean?” Jaehyun leads you into your room from the doorway. He’s holding your hand and doesn’t let go even when you both settle at the edge of your bed. His palm is warm and his grip loose enough in case you want to let go; you don’t. While you muster up the courage to speak, your best friend just sits there, waiting patiently. “It’s okay, whatever you say, I’m not going anywhere.” You don’t know that for sure, but him saying that makes you want to be truthful just this once, damn the consequences.

You take a deep breath, focusing on your intertwined fingers. You’re too scared to look at his face because you don’t want to see his reaction. “Jaehyun, what kind of person do you think people see me as?”

“Well…” He takes a moment to think about it. “Someone smart, talented, and who gets stuff done?”

In turn, you let out an resigned exhale. “Well, that’s the image I project. Of someone who’s perfect… someone who does things effortlessly. People think it comes easy to me. But it doesn’t. When people tell me that I didn’t need much effort to get to where I am now, I feel undermined. When I express I’m having a hard time, people brush it off and think I’m just overreacting. Because they think I’m perfect all the time. But honestly…? That’s the farthest thing from the truth."

Glancing up from your hands, you scan your room—your desk is a mess of papers and assignments that you have yet to get to. You can’t tell when the last time you spent time being actually productive when what you’ve been is fatigued out of your mind. When you try to sit at your desk and work, all you feel is difficulty concentrating and processing work and readings. Sleep has also proven to be elusive—no matter how long you lie in bed, you never feel well-rested. Simple actions and decisions require so much energy from you that you undeniably lack. You also constantly compare yourself to others, whom things like these come natural to them. But you’ve kept these feelings of yours secret for a long time—you’re utterly terrified that you’d be undermined for being useless and overly sensitive.   

“(Y/n)?” Jaehyun squeezes your hand, and you turn to meet his eyes. His eyes are sincere and kind. “I-I know I may not be the most empathic person, but I promise I’ll hear you out without judging you. I want to be here for you… and I hope you’ll let me. Please?” 

At this, you spill everything you’ve been feeling the past weeks—months, even—to Jaehyun. You stumble over your words and your breath gets caught in your throat, but he’s there to pat your back and to encourage you to keep going. Without you knowing, tears make their way down your face once again, and Jaehyun uses his other hand to gently brush them away. “It just gets so hard that I want to just. Give everything up. I don’t know what the use of trying so hard is when I see how other people don’t need this much effort to do even the most basic of tasks. It’s just so… unfair.”

When you’re finished with your rant, you don’t know what to expect from Jaehyun—but you’re stunned to see him crying. He’s sniffling and wiping at his eyes furiously. “Why…” You have no idea what he’s about to say, but you brace yourself for the worst. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” he whispers brokenly. “I didn’t know you were having such a difficult time. I feel like such a shitty friend for not even noticing. I’m sorry, (y/n).” Jaehyun’s eyes fill with tears and he starts “I… I thought we were best friends.” The best friends tell each other everything goes unsaid, but you know exactly what he meant.

“I…” You feel awful now for making Jaehyun cry. “You’re just. You just naturally have all this limitless energy. You’re…” Normal. Not like me. “I don’t know how if you were going to take me seriously if I told you what I was going through… There were times I’d see you, and I’d be so disappointed in myself for not being like you. And I was so scared that if I did tell you, I’d be letting you down.”

Jaehyun’s expression grows more miserable at this. “I-I’m sorry, (y/n), I never meant to make you feel unheard. And I never meant for it to feel like you couldn’t tell me about these things.” 

“It-It’s not your fault, Jaehyun,” you protest, but he shakes his head, obviously disappointed in himself.

“No, (y/n), I’m supposed to be your best friend. How stupid can I be if I can’t notice when you’re having a hard time? I didn’t even stop to ask how you’ve been doing because you seemed to be doing fine. But I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have taken things at face value. I’m such an idiot,” Jaehyun berates himself. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

At his sincere apology, you can’t help but admit it to yourself—you desperately needed Jaehyun’s support as your best friend, but you were too scared to ask for it. And honestly? You felt immensely lonely without his words and presence to comfort you. 

“(Y/n), I hope you know that I see how hard you work. I know your sleepless nights and how much effort you put into every single thing you do. Despite everything you’re going through, you’re always trying to be better than the person you were yesterday, and it’s something I truly admire about you. But I hope you know it’s okay to be imperfect and flawed and to not be okay. I want to be here on your good and bad days. I just wish I could’ve been more vocal about this earlier… I’ve really taken you for granted, huh?” Jaehyun sighs wetly, taking your hand in both of his. He’s still crying; you both are, actually. What a silly pair the two of you make. 

“Thank you for trusting me and sharing all of this. It literally means the world to me,” Jaehyun rambles. “I promise I’ll be a better friend to you, someone you feel safe opening up to about anything, whether that be your achievements or your struggles. And (y/n), if it’s not too much to ask… Could I ask you to be more honest with me in the future?” He stares at you imploringly. “I don’t want you to think you have to go through all of this alone. I want to be here for you the same way you’ve always been there for me… Okay?”

“....Okay. Okay, I’ll try,” you respond softly. “Thank you, Jaehyun. I… I’ve never told anyone about this before. But thank you so much for just listening, and not judging, and accepting me for me…” While you appreciate Jaehyun’s presence at this moment, a new wave of fatigue washes over you with all this emotional vulnerability and talking. “Jaehyun… I’m still feeling really tired, so I might go back to sleep. Sorry, I know you came all the way here to see me, but here I am being shit company,” you apologize regretfully.

“Oh! That’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jaehyun stands up from your bed to leave. When your fingers slip from each other, you feel an acute loss of warmth—both in your hands and in your heart. He makes his way to the door, slipping on his shoes, and your heart sinks. There’s something you badly want to ask of Jaehyun, but you’re too much of a coward to tell him what you truly want. You don’t want to be on your own right now, but you’d probably be asking too much of him. Accepting your fate, you settle in bed, attempting to take a nap so restless you’re sure will be of no help to your exhaustion.

However, Jaehyun himself stops in the doorway. He turns back around, a distraught look on his face. “(Y/n)... I don’t want to assume, but are you sure you want to be alone right now?” he begins. “I mean, we just had this really heavy talk. Can… Can I keep you company? I promise I’m great at cuddles—that’s what all my other friends say anyway when I annoy them with my hugs.”

When you nod, that’s all it takes for Jaehyun to shuck off his shoes, strip his jacket, and climb into bed with you. With your ear against his steady heartbeat and his comforting arm around you, you’re asleep in no time. It’s the best you’ve ever slept in months.

[soubeomies]

62 people following me is crazy,

it doesn’t seem like much but i can’t imagine more than one person reading whatever shit i write on here. ily guys 🤍

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aaahhh meiii lemme boop you!!

EEEEKKK i wuv u hafs 🤍🤍

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thanku so so much for 100!! i’m so happy to see these numbers :)

pls req anything u want me to do for a 100 follower special (if not its also ok hehe)

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im gonn puke this is so amazing kfms

꒰ 𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋 ꒱ 김동현

summary : you had just woken up from a bad dream, but your boyfriend was there to comfort you in your time of need

genre : angst, hurt-comfort, fluff, leehan x gn!reader tws : angst, mentions of neglect, alluded ptsd, mentions of emotional abuse, emetophobia, suicidal ideations/death, depression, alluded panic/anxiety disoders, language author notes : this has nothing to do with personal experiences, i swear (i need a leehan in my life) word count : 1.1k

“hey,” you felt a gentle stir, delicate hands rolling you over to be pressed against his warmth—when all you felt was cold and empty.

you blinked away the sleep, your eyes stinging slightly. “are you okay?” he asked, thumbs coming up to brush under your upper cheeks. “you were crying.”

you were foggy—not knowing the difference between reality and the inside of your brain—still half asleep. you’d never felt more neglected within your own head. the dreams you had, had caused actual tears to flow from your eyes. and the worst part, it wasn’t even a scene you could scratch off as being untrue… because it’s happened to you. it was your history that replayed throughout the night.

memories of your parents being hurtful. memories of them not caring about your feelings. memories of them being emotionally abusive, and dismissing to your tears. memories that caused you to resent them. memories that kept you from feeling normal. memories you’d rather forget.

you thought you’d gotten over it…

and, maybe at one time, you had. but regression was a natural thing you couldn’t escape. you can’t always have good days (or dreams, for that matter).

sometimes they caused you to get into your own headspace, and when triggered, panic. you weren’t a stranger to falling victim to thoughts you were molded to have, but they never hurt any less. and, you guess, time isn’t always a healer, like people say it is.

you sniffled, finding solace in what you knew was true; what was right in front of you. leehan. the boyfriend who vowed to take care of you in your time of need. the kind soul who didn’t get scared and run away when he saw you hyperventilating on the bathroom floor. the man who stepped into your life and shut the door behind him. the rock who kept you grounded when you felt light headed. the arms that kept you comforted when you felt unwanted. the love that never left you, even when you’d argue. the stars that he took from the sky, and put into your eyes, to remind you of how bright you are to him. the words that reminded you that you deserved someone as perfect as him, when you remembered being told that you were never good enough.

he was everything you needed, and everything you (at one point) wished you could be.

“i’m okay," you repeated comforting words he’d told you before. "it was just a dream.” yet, your heart hurt, and your stomach turned, and you couldn’t help thinking about them still, though you tried not to.

you tried to will your faucet to turn off, you tried everything to get the tears to stop falling. but, what was comforting, was knowing that his smooth fingers were always there to wipe them away… for however long it took.

“yeah?” he asked, lips coming down over your face, kissing various parts; under each eye, your nose and forehead, until lastly your lips. “it might’ve been just a dream, but i can see that it hurts.” he whispered. “what was it about?”

“i-i,” he stayed silent, ready to listen while letting you take your time. he pulled your head into the crook between his shoulder and neck, putting you to rest. his arms caged you against his body, chest to chest; pressure to stop you from panicking. he could feel your beating heart as you tried to speak—as he tried to comfort you the way you started to gradually let him. “it was them.”

you alluded the reason, but he needed no further context. he knew. he always knows.

he once stayed up all night researching and reading people’s stories on depression and panic disorders; he could tell you all about the chemical imbalances and what synapsis misfire in the brain now. he once stayed up all night watching you sleep, jumping at any sudden (or-not-so) movements; he could recount every time your breath hitched, and eyebrows came together that night. he once stayed up all night to understand something he’s never experienced—to better understand you.

your tears started to run faster, and at one point he had almost gotten emotional too. he hated to see you hurt, because he knew how special you really were. he hated to see you try and undo the coding your parents had programmed you with as you grew up. but, despite that, he knew he’d always be the one to hold you tight, and remind you that you didn’t have to contort yourself to fit into his world—you were his world.

the good, bad, and exceptionally ugly.

he loved you as the snot coated your bottom lip. he loved you as you drooled in your sleep. he loved you when you swayed with the music in your headphones, doing miscellaneous tasks. he loved you when you’d smile so wide it made your cheeks hurt. he loved you when you’d wretch over the toilet, your hair in his hands. he loved you when you were curled up on the shower floor, crying your eyes out. he loved you when you’d talk about nothing, and everything, all at once. and, he wished he could take away every bad memory, replace them, and make you feel like you deserved to be on this planet.

nonetheless, he’d spend his whole life reminding you—of that, he was more than sure.

his heart beat for you; you were his twin flame that burned blindingly bright. you were his red string and olive theory. you were his other half. you were his soulmate that he was lucky the stars aligned for.

he was lucky to have you, and he’ll be damned if you ever thought anything else.

he’d never let you be alone again. he’d never let you stand at the edge of the cliff by yourself. he’d never let you jump. he’d never let anything take you away from him—and if it ever came down to it, he’d proudly hold your hand and topple over the edge with you.

it was you and him until the end of time, and then whatever came after that.

“don’t ever forget,” he mumbled, pulling you closer to him. he’d let you cry into his shoulder the entire night, until your eyes were red and puffy, until you finally had enough. no matter how many of his shirts you soaked through with tears and snot. no matter how much it broke his heart, because he knows deep-down it heals yours just a little bit more. “i love you.”

and, he’d never stop saying it. even after you two were buried in a stone garden together, cold and rotten. a pile of nothingness. he’d still love you like it was the first time; blood, teeth, bones and all.

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OH MY GOD DID YOU CHANGE YOUR THEME????

It LOOKS SO GOOD LIKE ACTUALLY

kim leehan for the win

I FREAKING LOVE YOU HAFS

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guys do any of u actually read my fanfics i kind of refuse to believe anyone actually reads my stuff 😞😞🫵🫵

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ive been so unmotivated and burnt out lately.. i know i promised a gyu fic but idk if i can finish it anymore :')

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im in shambles after reading this hello…….. teen love with woonhak will be the death of me one day istg

Can you pls do a f!reader forbidden love w Woonhak 🙏🙏🙏

SWEETHEART genre ➳ fluff. a bit of angst. friends to lovers. forbidden love. warnings ➳ mention of child abuse. crying. one kiss. pairing ➳ woonhak x fem!reader. wc ➳ 2.6k. a/n ➳ thank you for requesting!! this was a lot of fun to write. i took a lot of inspiration from the move when marnie was there, i'd also recommend listening to 'fine on the outside' from the ost of the movie since it'll add to the fic!

You winced as you heard your parents’ shouting getting louder from the sitting room. Your father had told you to be a good girl and stay in your room. You had wanted to go outside. My friend is waiting for me! You insisted, clutching your pink party dress in your small fists, filled with as much anger as an eight year old could hold. You had earned a harsh glare and a slap to your cheek for disobeying. 

You sat by your window, longing to go outside into the cool ocean breeze under the moonlight. Woonhak would wait until you came, you knew he would, but you itched to go out and play with him now. You were sick of waiting until your father gave you more instructions. He always kept you hidden away in your room. Your mother was gone most of the time, and your nanny felt more like a real mother to you than your biological mother ever could.

You didn’t love your nanny. She had no affection for you and was always stone cold and boring. She didn’t want to entertain you and you could tell she was tired of working at your house for your father. You were smart for an eight year old. People had told you were smarter than their teenagers many times. It was one of the things your small brain prided itself in. One of the only things you allowed yourself to be proud of. Your father was busy snuffing out all your pride every chance he got, though.

You couldn’t tell anyone how awful your isolated life was. All they saw were the extravagant parties and your expensive toys. They never realised how love-deprived you were. The only person who you could confide in was your friend, Woonhak.

He was the child of the sweet farmer couple that always sold the best jams at the farmers market. You liked to tag along whenever your nanny had to go shopping. That’s where you met him the first time. 

He was so different from you, and his life was so free. He could go out and wade in the ocean water whenever he wanted to, or go into the forest to catch butterflies. He could eat fresh strawberries grown in his own backyard and wouldn’t even get scolded for going outside past his bedtime. You envied his life and cherished any time that he would bring you along with him. He had adventures. You wanted to be by his side forever.

“Your mother will be arriving soon. I heard the Park family is arriving with her. I’m sure you’ll be seeing Yijoon again. Aren’t you excited?” You governess asked. She meant well, you knew she meant well. But any mention of Yijoon made you clench your fist into a tight ball, fingernails biting into the skin of your palm. You hated that boy.

You sat straight, shoulders back, chin up, no expression, just like how you had been taught your whole life. If your mother was coming back, that meant more parties. You’d have to be gracious to guests. You’d have to dance. You’d have to spend time with Yijoon. You hoped to God that your mother didn’t insist you kiss him again.

Your mother was practically obsessed with the thought of you and Yijoon being a couple. You were her daughter, so she could control your life however she wanted, including who you were supposed to like. Yijoon was an asshole, though. He was stuck up and rude and his good looks did nothing to hide his temper. He was just like your father, and you despised him.

You couldn’t imagine ever living with someone who was like the carbon copy of your father, especially the more you saw firsthand how your father got worse and worse over the years. His temper had heightened, his patience withered, and his expectations of you grew exponentially. You learned to hide and to ignore him, but he hated that you had grown into a smart, witty teenager who knew how to talk back… and who could now tell that his behaviour was abusive. 

When he had his friends over to get drunk, you stayed in your room. If he asked to see you, you always put on a smile and your best manners. There was less chance of angering him that way.

You sat on your bed after your talk with your governess about your mother and Yijoon. You were 16 now, and to your mother, that meant you were old enough to get engaged. Your brain went to Woonhak. It always went to Woonhak. If Yijoon was like a dark cloud in your life, Woonhak was like the sun. Yijoon was a devil with gruesome red horns. Woonhak was an angel with a halo. 

You clutched your sheets in your hand absentmindedly, frustrated at the thought of Yijoon coming back. You weren’t even that worried about how you would manage it. But you couldn’t bear to think about Woonhak seeing you with Yijoon. He would think you liked him. He would see you two dancing together and you forcing a smile and he would get the wrong impression. You couldn’t let that happen. You suddenly realised how much you liked Woonhak. You wanted to be with him romantically. 

God, you were so stupid. Your parents would never accept Woonhak. One look at them and you’d be scared at what insults they would say. His ratty clothes and muddy clothes from farming could never go hand-in-hand with your luxurious silk and jewellery. 

If your mother got you engaged to Yijoon, you wouldn’t be able to see Woonhak anymore. You didn’t like the thought of that. If you couldn’t be with Woonhak you needed to at least see him. You wouldn’t be able to bear your life without your best friend. He was the only thing that made you happy anymore.

You stood up from your bed and rushed downstairs, lacing up your boots as quickly as you could and running out of the house. You needed to tell him. You needed reassurance that he would stay in your life. That he wanted to stay in your life. 

Your first instinct was to check the beach, and you found him there easily. He heard you coming and looked up, giving you a bright smile. He always lit up your day. He was better than the sun. He was your happiness.

You ran straight into his arms, catching him off guard. The force of you running into him and wrapping your arms around his waist almost made him stumble, but he caught himself and steadied you both. You felt him hug you back, patting your back gently with a confused expression on his face.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” He asked worriedly. He couldn’t lie that he had always wanted to hug you, ever since he was little. You always looked like you needed one, but he was too shy to do it. Despite his heart soaring a little in his chest, he was concerned about you.

You hugged him a bit tighter, clutching his worn t-shirt from behind, burying your face in his chest. Your shoulders shook and soon the tears you had been holding back started to fall, racking your body with small sobs.

“H-hey… It’s okay. It’s okay, Y/n.” He whispered, continuing to stroke your back up and down in a comforting way until you calmed down. You pulled away slightly to sniff and wipe your tears. Woonhak reached forward to gently swipe the tears clinging onto your left cheek.

“What happened, sweetheart?” He asked you again, using the nickname he had always used for you since you were small. He thought it perfectly described you since you were the sweetest person he had ever met. The meaning had changed just a little over the years now that you were both 16 years old. He couldn’t lie that calling you that made him feel like he was yours. He wished you were his, but that would never happen, right? You’d never be able to be with someone like him. 

The nickname It made you smile a bit, cheeks tinting pink just slightly. Woonhak kept his hand on your cheek and you leaned into his touch, soaking up the comfort that it brought you.

“Miss Hwang told me that my mother is coming back. She… She’ll probably want to get me engaged.”

“What? Why?” He furrowed his eyebrows, confused as to why that would happen.

“She thinks I’m old enough… There’s this boy, Park Yijoon. She wants us to be together. And I don’t know if I have a choice. If that happens, I would probably move in with him.” You explained, voice strained.

“...What?” His voice shook slightly and then he started shaking his head desperately, “No, no… please. I don’t want to lose you. Please?”

“I don’t either. I wouldn’t be able to bear not seeing you, Woonhak. But…” You sighed and looked down at the sand. Woonhak had gathered some shells and arranged them. Seeing that tore you apart. He was too precious to abandon. It would kill you inside to leave him.

“But?” His voice was growing more anxious and his eyes were glossy with tears threatening to spill at any moment. You had never seen him cry before. You were always the one doing the crying. He was always the one comforting you. He was the only person who you could be yourself around.

“But I… I can’t say no to my mother. Woon, she has complete control over my life. God, if I could run away, I would. But I don’t have anywhere to go and what if she comes looking for me-” You choked in a sob, feeling entirely helpless about the situation.

“Why don’t you… come stay with me?” Woonhak suggested a bit shyly.

“What? Wouldn’t your parents-”

“Come on, my parents love you.” Woonhak pointed out, a smile starting to grow on his face at the thought. “And my father is a policeman. You know your parents could be charged with child abuse, right?”

You blinked. In your head you always knew they were abusive, but hearing Woonhak tell it to you plainly made you understand it so much clearer. “Oh. I want to ask your parents first. I wouldn’t want to encroach on their house uninvited… Can we ask them now?” You were starting to think that Woonhak’s suggestion just might be your way out. It sounded like a fairytale, but it might just be possible.

“Of course. Let’s go.” He smiled widely, cheeks turning upwards, eyes scrunching and you got so much joy just from his smile. He was perfect.

//

You packed your things that night. Your father was drinking in his study and you were careful to avoid him. You told Miss Hwang where you were going and that you would be fine. She couldn’t stop you and you knew your father wouldn’t care. He wanted you gone, anyway. If he didn’t have to think about where you were staying, it would be all the better for him.

You took one last look at your room. It held so many memories, so many memories you wished to forget. You filled one bag with your clothes and the other with your essentials. You smiled meekly at the party dresses hanging in your big closet. You would never be wearing them again.

You fiddled with the hem of a pretty satin pink one with a big bow on the sash. It used to be your favourite when you were little. You wanted to wear it everyday, even when there wasn’t a party. You wished you could take it with you, but it wouldn’t fit in your bags. Instead, you thanked the dress and said goodbye to it. It had always made you feel the prettiest in the room, giving you a boost of confidence, making you smile. You would miss wearing it.

“Thank you for being my safe spot.” You whispered to your room. You were scared of the change, but the relief you felt walking out your front doors was something you wouldn’t give up for anything. 

You met Woonhak halfway on the beach. He grinned at you and took the bags to carry like the gentleman he was. Every little action he did to show that he cared for you made your heartbeat a little faster in your chest. You suddenly felt the urge to tell him and to thank him, but you would wait until you were sure you were safe in your new home first.

Woonhak’s parents greeted you warmly and you all sat down at dinner like a proper family. It wasn’t anything extravagant. Just a simple sitdown meal on the floor. Homemade stew and rice. You loved it. 

Mr. Kim was fun to talk to. He made jokes and made you laugh. You could tell he was beyond proud of his son for offering to help you out. But it made sense. A policeman would want his son to do the right thing.

Mrs. Kim was as motherly as anyone you had met. She urged you to eat as much as you wanted and constantly told you how pretty you looked. You thanked her over and over again for making you feel so welcome, but she always said it was the least that she could do for a friend that Woonhak seemed to adore so much. The comment made you blush.

Woonhak’s heart soared seeing you smile and laugh all throughout the evening. You looked so beautiful when you were happy. It was a sight that he wanted to see as often as he could.

“Woonhak, you should help Y/n get settled in her new room. We’ll finish cleaning up.” Mrs. Kim said with a smile, urging her son to lead you upstairs.

“Thank you for doing this, Mr. and Mrs. Kim.” You said sincerely, bowing 90º to show your thanks. They laughed and told you that you didn’t have to be so formal. They considered you to be family now.

Woonhak grabbed your bags and led you up to your room. It had a big window like your old room did, overlooking the ocean. You immediately walked over to it and marvelled at the view. It was a full moon that night, and it shone so brightly over the waves. 

“I know it's not very big, but I hope you feel comfortable.” Woonhak said, smiling as he showed you the cosy room. It had a bed in the corner and a small dresser to complete it. It was small, but it was more than enough for you. 

“I love it, Woonhak. Thank you.” You looked at him as if he had given you the world, and to you, he really had. He had saved you.

You walked down to the beach hand-in-hand, swinging your interlocked fingers back and forth gently and stealing glances at the pretty boy who you loved so much whenever you could. You had never been happier in your entire life.

“Woon…” You blushed, calling his attention to yourself.

“Hm?” He looked at you as if you had stars in your eyes, completely and utterly mesmerised with you.

You didn’t say anything, you didn’t have to. You leaned in slowly until your lips just barely brushed against his, waiting for him to kiss you back first. And he did almost immediately, pulling you closer into a delicate kiss. His lips felt so soft and comforting. It felt perfect to have your first kiss with Woonhak be here, on the beach, under the moonlight. 

You were both blushing crazily when you pulled away. Woonhak rested his forehead against yours, smiling at you lovingly. You smiled back.

“That was perfect… You’re perfect, sweetheart.” He whispered.

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im gonna write my first angst fic soon !!! its gonna be with taesan :) pls dont flop i pray 🙏🙏🙏🙏

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Send this to all your favourite moots and pass the pumpkin round! KEEP THE PUMPKIN TRAIN GOING 🎃🖤🎃🖤🎃🩷🎀 <3

hehe ily kits 🤞🤞