#🐲 musings // maybe i am cursed; maybe i am gifted; something tore inside of me; now everything has shifted

[murderyn]

i keep thinking about a line from jaheira i got on my durge (darci) run, and now i know more about bg1/2 and what happened to char/name, it kind of just is sticking more with me and i just need to scream

"This is your father's true legacy. Not his children - but the fear they plant in us. The savagery it blossoms into."

in bg1 siege of dragonspear, everyone finds out that charname (ryn, in my context) is a bhaalspawn. immediately the attitude towards her shifts from "this is our HERO" to "this person is a danger and i dont really want her around"

then later, after ryn saves everyones asses again (and i mean everyone!) and she's hailed as a hero again.... for five seconds. that same night she gets framed for murder. and she insists she didn't do it. but-

she gets arrested, put on trial which is a fucking sham that ignores a vital piece of evidence (the girl she's accused of killing was killed with a very specific dagger, one she did not have on her when found next to the body) but it's a public trial, and the citizens of baldurs gate are watching.

she's locked away until they can decide her fate - which is most certainly going to be execution (the person who she was framed for murdering was a child of a grand duke) and one of her companions, an officer for the flaming fist even tells her that she should confess and face the consequences, even if she didn't do it.

but she manages to escape, fleeing the city through the sewers. but of course corwin and bence manage to track her down

and even when she surrenders (she does not want to hurt them!!) bence tries to kill her anyway! not even waiting for the sentence to be passed! corwin comes to her senses and lets ryn escape, and she does. reuniting with with her friends who were waiting for her escape- but

even her friends, her most trusted friends, don't think she's innocent.

"This is your father's true legacy. Not his children - but the fear they plant in us. The savagery it blossoms into."

she's the bhaalspawn, but as soon as the people discovered that... they were calling for her death. she is the child of the lord of murder, but they were the ones wanting to murder her. they were afraid, and their fear blossomed into savagery.

and i just... keep thinking about it

[murderyn]

the warmth by paris paloma is biiiig ryn vibes, during her healing and self acceptance era.

especially

It can't hurt me It's still there, but it can't now, the warmth's returning The warmth is coming back, and now, no, it can't hurt me It's still there, but it can't now, the warmth's returning It can't hurt me (It was bitter) It's still there, but it can't now, the warmth's returning (The cruel winter) The warmth is coming back, and now, no, it can't hurt me (Hear it whisper) It's still there, but it can't now, the warmth's returning (Hear it whisper)

like i just AAAAAAAAAA

[murderyn]

having ryn cope with humor and imoen doing the same means that no one can have a serious conversation with two lol (spoilers for bg2 if you're wanting to avoid those)

Aerie: I have a question for you, Imoen... you have the taint of Bhaal within you? Does this mean that you will turn into the Slayer as well?

Imoen: I certainly hope not. I... I've been thinking more and more lately about that myself, though.

Aerie: It must be an awful feeling. I can't imagine how Ryn deals with it.

Imoen: Yeah... she's been living with it longer too. Sometimes, when it's quiet... I can hear the taint in my heart whispering to me. It says awful things, and I almost want to scream to shut them out.

Aerie: *gasp* You... you haven't done anything that it's said, have you?

Imoen: Well... other than that time I got up in the middle of the night to snatch a bag full of cinnamon cookies, heck no.

Aerie: Oh, goo— ...what? Cinnamon cookies?

Imoen: Ha ha! Oh, come on, Aerie! Lighten up, will ya? I'll tell ya what... if I have any desires to murder you in the middle of the night, you'll be the first to know, okay?

Aerie: That's not very funny, Imoen. Ryn never makes fun of her condition in that way.

Ryn: Well, it's been so much easier since I discovered all the Slayer really wants is a sandwich...

Aerie: Oh, fine. Everyone seems determined to make fun of me. I'll stand back here, thank you.

[murderyn]

tag drop 1

🐲 ooc // i'll probably be awake to 3am for no reason

🐲 in character // i feel so alive yeah i've lost it all; but I still stand tall

🐲 headcanon // i cried my tears; i felt my wrath; then built my boat so I could sail it past

🐲 musings // maybe i am cursed; maybe i am gifted; something tore inside of me; now everything has shifted

🐲 aesthetic // i am not a martyr; i'm a problem

🐲 visage // i'm the captain of my own soul; i am the master of my own fate