#🎸SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF ���

[rexscanonwife]

Yo I was thinking about something and-

Their shred-off would be LEGENDARY 😩😩😩

[mandms-blog-of-silly]

☆HI OK EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LOOK AT THESE PICTURES I HAVE FROM ARMY OF THE DOOMSTAR!!!! ☆

I LOVE THE SILLY MEN SO MUCH AND TOKI IS ME AND AJAHSGSHAII!!!

[snabbastg1ttar1st]

hellos.

i am forced to make this accounts.

i must connect with the dildoes fans apparentlies.

[bitofthisandthat]

"Let the record show...that 9/10ths of a successful relationship with your lady comes from maintaining certain...traditions and expectations that she's used to havin'."

"............"

Every year with this shit...

@heedingcalls

[basu-shokikita]

Skwisgaar Skwigelf can f🎸ck with your head

Inspired by @mirrorshards's suggestion to make a certain video I showed her about Skwisgaar and Toki, I’m posting this silly drabble I wrote. Original will be linked after the drabble ‘cause I don’t wanna spoil.

Thank you @triplefaggot for the screenshot edit 😚

Have some Scandinavian shenanigans!

“Stops, just stops.” Skwisgaar said without any emotion in his voice. “Comes here.”

Toki swallowed heavily, releasing the grip on his guitar. With insecure steps, he walked out of the booth, where Skwisgaar was waiting for him on the couch. As well as the rest of the band…and Knubbler.

They were in the middle of recording a new album and this week, especially, was dedicated to the rhythms section. After watching Murderface get chewed out for not learning his parts, Toki had spent the whole night practicing in panic. At the very least he couldn’t afford to be as pathetic as Murderface, who most of the time didn’t even know where the chords were. 

He had to do better.

Problem is, he had no idea if his efforts had given any fruit as Skwisgaar’s expression was more inscrutable than the guitar resting on his lap. Nathan and Pickles had adopted a completely laissez-faire attitude. As far as they were concerned, Toki was Skwisgaar’s responsibility and they didn’t want anything to do with it. Knubbler looked almost bored, his face resting on his hand, awaiting for Skwisgaar’s verdict. 

With deliberate slowness, Skwisgaar folded his hands in front of his face, as in deep thought. His eyes bore into Toki’s and it felt like they were piercing his soul. He would’ve felt naked standing there for Skwisgaar to watch, if it wasn’t for his guitar shielding him.

“You says you prackstickeds last nites, ja?”

“J-Ja.”

A few seconds of silence.

“Amazings.” Skwisgaar mumbled and Toki wasn’t sure he had heard him right, though he didn’t dare to ask him to repeat. 

Weakly, he cleared his throat. “Um…?”

“Toki,” Skwisgaar put his hands down. “I has a massive problemks with yous playingks today.”

Feeling like someone had thrown a rock down his stomach, Toki looked down and braced himself.

“And its dat I wish you playeds like dis before.” 

Toki raised his eyes, a smile forming at the corners of his mouth. “Skwisgaar!”

“Because if you hads,” Skwisgaar continued. “Dens I would knows yous playingks ams gonna be mines cause of deaths.”

“Oh…” Toki lowered his eyes again. “Sorries…”

“And by cause of deaths, ams talkingks abouts Obituaries’ Cause of Deaths.” Skwisgaar said. 

Obituary, the band? Like, the ones that made the classic death metal album Cause of Death? Was Skwisgaar praising him?!

Toki couldn’t help the excitement drumming in his chest, that Skwisgaar had compared his playing to such a quintessential part of death metal history. “Thank y-”

“You knows how the bassists’ cause of death was cancers?!” Skwisgaar interrupted him.

Okay, now he really was lost. “Skwisgaar,” He scratched his head in confusion. “I don’ts knows if you ams insultingks me or nots.”

“Oh you don’ts?” Skwisgaar stood up, seemingly infuriated. “Okej, den lets puts it simples and easies: packs your shits, dildos, yous off de bands!”

“Whats?!” Toki squeaked, feeling a rush of blood to his head.

“Whoa!” Nathan was just as shocked.

“Skwisgaar, th’ts a bit too much…” Pickles tried to calm him down.

Skwisgaar ignored his bandmates and kept talking. “Because you shoulds be playingks in de best bands in de worlds!” He opened his arms effusively.

Although still recovering from the previous shock, the words moved Toki. “Oh, Skwisgaars, dat ams…”

“Aren’t we the bescht band in the world?” Murderface intervened.

“Quiet, Willy.” Knubbler silenced him.

“Just nots any worlds dat ams in.” Skwisgaar crossed his arms, staring down at Toki. 

“Am really confused here, dood.”

“Yeah, me too.”

It was comforting in a way for Toki to know the others were just as puzzled as him, but he was still on the receiving end of the lecture. “Alls do betters…” He muttered with closed eyes.

“Because, honestlies, Tokes, ams jealous of you.” Skwisgaar said.

Toki’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets. “You ams?!”

“And yours totals refusals to cares abouts yous playingks.” He took a step closer towards Toki. “Dis ams not fits for humans ears, noes, dis shoulds be listeneds by gods what has mores sophistikateds ears and infinites kindness to save humans from playingks likes dis!”

Toki was barely registering the words anymore, his head was spinning, he felt dizzy, like he was caught somewhere between a dream and a nightmare. Well, maybe it was the fact that he stayed overnight practicing so he had had little rest. Maybe he had fallen asleep mid practicing and this was nothing but an illusion? Maybe he never left his bed this morning? Maybe this wasn’t happening?

“If you dieds now, dens you wouldnts has to lives a lives whats you never does betters dan todays.” Skwisgaar said, though none of those words made any goddamn sense.

“T-Thanks you, Skwisgaar…” Toki managed to stutter before collapsing on the floor.

The rest of the band watched his unconscious body as a less than impressed Knubbler went to get the Klokateers. Their faces denoted something between slight concern and total indifference.

“Well, you knocked the kid out, Skwisgaar.” Pickles finally spoke. “Ya happy now?”

“Uh, he looks dead.” Nathan commented with a grimace.

“He ams gonna be fines.” Skwisgaar waved a dismissive hand before letting his weight flop back on the couch.

“I’m gonna draw dicksch on hisch fasche.” Murderface announced, producing a sharpie out of his pockets.

“Will ya stop thinkin’ about dicks for a second?” Pickles gestured at Nathan to help him get Toki off the floor. 

“What? He totally did the schame thing to me lascht time I pasched out!”

“That was different.” Nathan argued. “You deserved it.”

“What?!”

“Whet were ya tryin’ to tell him, anyway?” Pickles stared at Skwisgaar in exasperation.

Skwisgaar, who had started fretting from boredom, stopped. “I thoughts it ams was obviousk.”

Pickles and Nathan gave each other glances before looking back at Skwisgaar. “No?” They said in unison.

Skwisgaar shrugged, fingers back on the strings. “It was just okejs.”

------------------------------------------------------------

If you recognized the skit this is from, bless your heart, and if not, here you go:

Congratulations, now you understand my elaborated shitpost

[bizarrescribblez]

Hiya! I’m Mia :D I also go by Bun/Mimi if you were interested in other names to call me by! Welcome to my silly little self shipping blog! My main f/os being Stanley Uris from It Chapter 2 + Skwisgaar Skwigelf from Metalocalypse!

My main interests also being horror movies, bunnies + sea critters, monster high/doll/trinket collecting, and hoarding many plushies/calico critters!

🎨 - My commission sheet/queue is here! + my art tag is #bizarre scribbles art! I also do art trades on occasion, they’re usually mutuals only but if you’re interested please dm me! :)

🌸 My Main F/Os!! My soulmates!! My darlings!!My Sunshine Boys!! 🌸

🪺 Stanley Uris [IT Chapter 2]: #🐦 Stan the man + #🦆🐇 anyone else but you (my first ever f/o..special birdy boy..)

🐻‍❄️ Skwisgaar Skwigelf [Metalocalypse]: #❄️ cold as ice + #🦄🐰 lips like sugar

📖 Alan Wake [Alan Wake Game Series]: #📜 21st century man + #🐺🐰 down the rabbit hole

🦇 Nathan Explosion [Metalocalypse]: #🐊 blazing star + #🐋🪼 back to december

🎸 William Murderface [Metalocalypse]: #🍺 I want you to want me + #🐯🐰 burnin’ for you

🪷 My other romantic f/os along with my familial f/os are listed here! 🪷

🌸 DNI/Do Not Interact 🌸

if you self ship with any of my romantic f/os.. they mean the world to me so I don't feel comfortable interacting if you ship with them! (Anybody who ships with any of my platonic f/os are more than welcome to interact!! :))

prosh*ppers and general weirdos/creeps are not allowed here/on my posts!

With all of that out of the way!! Feel free to interact or send me asks or drop in my dms to talk or gush about your f/os! Mutuals or non mutuals! :] I’d love to make new friends/new self shipping buddies!! Bye bye! 🫧

[little-murmaider]

Fatherklok! 🐺⚡🎸

(Give me a Metalocalypse episode and I’ll answer…)

Screaming and crying and throwing up. Do I like this episode? Why or why not?

An actual Skwisgaar focus episode!!!! With a plot he doesn't have to share with someone else!!!! What a concept!!! This is my favorite Metalocalypse episode, I think it's the strongest episode in the whole series, and I can never rewatch it because it hurts too much.

Favorite moment? I love so much about this episode: Babby Skwisgaar and the wolves, the guitar origin story, "You belong in a garbage can......" Skwisgaar-Murderface disassociation fun-time-a-roonie montage, Skwisgaar's girlfriend, hashtag Nategaar Moments, Skwisgaar Disney Princess, Nonbinary King "I'm No Man" Skwisgaar Skwigelf, TYR. I'm just such a sucker for "extraordinary person strives for an ordinary existence that will always be just out of reach" stories and this one hits a lot of my buttons.

Least favorite moment? Toki's a little too thrilled to reap the benefits of his best friend's identity crisis and I would like to hit him with my car.

Do I have an unpopular opinion about this episode? What is it? This is my stanniest, most bending-over-backwards-to-justify-and-make-more-palatable-the-problematic-actions-of-blorbo-(from-my-shows), but I think Skwisgaar uses multiple forms of birth control with every single sexual partner. Having so many sexual encounters end in pregnancy is a direct manifestation of his God Powers. The same way death follows Toki, life follows Skwisgaar, and he doesn't understand why.

Something I would change? It would have been nice to have an actual scene between Skwisgaar and Servetta. He tells Tyr he knows his mom loves him, and I love that bit, but imagine how strong it could have been if the conversation was with Servetta directly! Servetta, who has hurt her son countless times and is going to do so again by the end of the episode, saying "he knows" she loves him. (Not telling him she loves him; just that he knows she does.) And Skwisgaar, who dropped his entire life because his mother asked him to, who has only ever wanted her love and acceptance, agreeing!!! AAAH. All the Dethklok moms could use some rounding out but not fleshing out Servetta here was a missed opportunity.

Rating out of 5?

5/5

Anything else I want to say about this episode? This is a great episode and is proof Skwisgaar should have gotten more spotlight episodes he can CARRY it why is this the last time he gets any solo focus in THE ENTIRE SERIES why is he an Also There for all of season four he's a MAIN CHARACTER hey hEY Brendon come outside I just want to talk to you.

[snabbastg1ttar1st]

TOKIS AND I WENT TO THE..

UHMS SPLASHAROONIES PLACE AND I FORGOTS SUN LOTYUN.

i ams sunburnts....... I AM DYINGS!!!! SO MUCH PAINS.

[snabbastg1ttar1st]

Hi Skwisgaar :3

hello..

whys is there a kitty cats face in the message

[snabbastg1ttar1st]

WHAT. SKWIS!!!! YOUS GOT THE UH. TUMBLERS FINALLYS!! HELLOS!!!! ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙

- @kittyklok

they made mes.

ams not happy about it. but hellos toki

[bitofthisandthat]

@heedingcalls​ asked: “THAT WAS MY SHIRT! I WAS LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR IT!” From Holli to Skwis >:)

He could have been using it as a rag to polish his guitar in front of her, sure. THAT would be an obvious burn. But Skwisgaar doesn’t do obvious burns--he leaves that to Nathan. It would be MUCH more insulting if the giant Swede took her precious shirt-dress and stretched it over his torso like a pajama top, and then proceed to act as if nothing was wrong. 

“Well...it’s nots my faults that you leaves your skanks wears all over the house--stuff likes this can be mikstakens for lots of things. For example: I thoughts this was an undershoirt meant for burning laters when I have washed your reksidule shames stink off it in a shower I has taken with 3 groupies.”

“By the ways, did you gains a little fats in the sides? Because it feels a teeny bitsy itsy loose in there.” He’s going to make it even worse. As if it can get worse. He’s now casually taking a sloppy guzzle of dark ale in front of her, and doing the unthinkable for Skwisgaar.........He’s purposely letting the dark liquid dribble down over the white fabric and stain it. The things he does to piss her off. “Ahhhhhh. That hits the spots.”

[bitofthisandthat]

He suspects everything. Pickles is not subtle. He hates his bandmates so much...

[bitofthisandthat]

“I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever and blow whomever I want as long as I can breathe - and kneel!” Holli to Skwis because .... it really just never stops.

He Broke Up With Me on a POST IT!!

On this episode of ‘As the Blondes Burn’......

“Says it don’t sprays it, Holli.”

“Normalies I has the deepest of repeckts for a skankies lady, ja? But you just irritates me on personalities alone.” 

Pickles must be out on errands somewhere...Hurry back, Pickles. Hurry back.

@heedingcalls​

[bitofthisandthat]

He hates this day he hates this day he hates this day he hates this day he hates this day he hates this day he hates this day he hates this day he hates this day so damn much...

“Uch...

Father’s day. I don’ts need an internastikoals holidays to reminds me I has no f a t h e r....Just abouts 5 thosandknds uncles that my mom is fuckings all the time.” He almost made himself puke on that last notion. “And a whole day where I has to burn several thosandknds papers from groupies saying I ams the father to their brats. Kills me now.”

[bitofthisandthat]

🏩,⛪, 🏳️‍🌈= Pickles, Skwisgar, Asami!

Shipping Meta Meme!

🏩 – How long does your muse usually wait before having sex with their partner? What is their view on sex and intimacy?

Pickles & Skwisgaar go right for it if they get the green light. It doesn’t even have to be the end of the date…(or a date at all. XD)  Just text Skwisgaar for a booty call if you’re his type. And Pickles will drop whatever he’s about to do if there’s a chance he’s gettin’ some. Anytime, anyplace. They do have tastes and prefs though, (and I am too tired to go into them separately here) and if someone isn’t on their radar, they probably won’t take it. So…some kind of chemistry is required, basically. 

Asami has healthy appetites, but she’s a high-borne public figure and keeps her conquests under the radar. She’s been sexually active since 16, but also very selective, mostly finding a girl/boy she wanted to experiment with outside her tightly scheduled life. So...her affairs have been few and discreet. After Mako, she stopped that mode and focused on her putting her life together during and after their breakup. She doesn’t overtly cheat, so whoever she’s with, she focuses on THEM. (The kiss she made on Mako when he was dating Korra was the exception, given she assumed he was going to break up with Korra and come back to her) She is also patient and understanding; both Mako and Korra were slow to initiate affection, both times she was the instigator. Korra is way less experienced than Asami and Mako, but Asami was/is extremely respectful of her comfort zones. 

⛪ – What are your muse’s thoughts on marriage? How long would they wait before marrying a partner? Do they want a big wedding, or something smaller? Who would be their best man/maid-of-honor?

Skwisgaar is SO not into marriage, it’s all a sham to him. And no “magic true love” is going to change that about him. His beliefs are hard rooted in how he was raised, what he grew up around, and he sees so few marriages that inspire him to change his mind. Even the long lasting, “true love” marriages still aren’t “perfect” enough for him, so he won’t bother. The man is all about his freedom to go after whoever he wants, and not be tied down. He’s honest with himself. He KNOWS he’s not marriage material even if he believed in it. He MAY commit one day to one woman but to be perfectly honest, that’d be so far into the future and they’d have to be someone that broke all his rules and tore down all his walls, and that won’t happen instantly. He’s a SLOW mover when it comes to feelings about regular people, so a real romance would take forever. And even then, they’d be a common-law couple, because he’d never actually GET married officially.

Pickles for the most part isn’t against the idea of marriage, but unless [ the ship ] develops into that intensity where he is unable to be separated from her, he’s not going to propose. He definitely doesn’t want to end up on the dysfunctional end like his family, so he avoids most conversations and desires to become saddled with one woman. Half of his family have good marriages, the other half are messed up, and even though his parents are loyal to each other, he knows his dad has cheated in the past on business trips, and his mom talks crap about his dad behind his back constantly. His brother married the stripper he knocked up in order to get close to Pickles’ money, so his personal close-up experiences are sour. But at the same time, secretly, he’s surprisingly traditional. Deep down, Pickles sees modern marriage as bastardized and tainted. Ever since he was a child, he always viewed it as an important bond, to be taken seriously; it has to be with someone you don’t trash or betray, but someone you can “trust your darkest parts to, fight alongside, and ‘have fun’ with forever.” He dismissed marriage most of his adult life, only coming close to it during Snakes n’ Barrels days, but she turned out to be a cheater. (older meta elsewhere on this blog) So, Pickles went back to meaningless sex partners, short term girlfriends, and avoided ALL serious relationships. He got so into that game, time passed quickly and he ended up missing the boat a few times over. NOW, he realizes he wants to settle down, but won’t voice it openly. Some of his bandmates know, some don’t. He won’t go public because most of the time because he’s surrounded by insincere women that are either gold-diggers or star-fuckers, so he is VERY careful on who he lets get close to him. 

Asami always has had marriage and family as her endgame. She also wants someone that she can run Future Industries with and have children, too. Whoever she ends up with, she intends to have at least 3-5 kids, so no child grows up alone as she did. That, and she loves children. She is very careful about her choices, so she doesn’t choose boyfriends/girlfriends easily. Asami’s very aware that people use her for her money and sex appeal, and nothing else.  Yes, she knows she’s attractive and uses her appeal for her own means, and is proud of her beauty. But, since she was 14, she honed in on early that people were always tried to seduce her, knowing she was the only daughter of a billionaire mogul. So now, Asami takes control of every romantic encounter first, only pursuing people she trusts. She guides the intended into her sights, but once they’re there, she lets them take equal control. She takes “the chase” and courtship very reverently, and wants a long, formal engagement first. Once she gets the proposal, or decides to propose first, it depends on [ the ship ] she wants to plan out a GIANT wedding party. Asami wants a big, fancy, colorful, traditional ceremony and days long party. Acrobats, food, and decorations are a must, and Asami wants to incorporate the element culture her partner has as well. (Be it Fire, Water Air, etc.) She also wants the honeymoon to be exciting, and take place far away from Republic City; and when they return, immediately assimilate into their Business/adventure life together. (Starting a family or adopting right away!!!) Asami...just really wants to be a power couple-amazing mom.

🏳️‍🌈 – Does your muse have a gender preference for shipping partners? What is their orientation?

Asami is canon bisexual. :)

Pickles & Skwisgaar are canon cis/het, not budging on this. I’ve already defended this to nauseating levels, and that’s so pathetic that I had/have to. It’s my blog, and I never cater to fanon. I’m too old to get into crybaby fights with teens & 21-24 year old snowflakes. And It’s wasted time bitching online over pretend people, anyway.  Skwisgaar and Pickles LOVE  tits and vag. The only dick they care about is their own. The end.