#🍒 Mail call! (askbox)

[polyesterpeacock]

🙌 O:

SEND A 🙌 AND I’LL INTRODUCE YOU TO AN NPC RELATED TO MY MUSE.

Oh.

God.

Larry Lovage, son of Larry's twin brother, Lester, and Larry Laffer's nephew.

Lester naming his son after the then not-so notorious lounge lizard would prove to be a bit of an omen, as little Lovage would grow up thoroughly entertained by his uncle's (obviously embellished) tales of love and leisure.

During Larry's years-long disappearance, when most believed he'd simply disappeared, gone no-contact like Larry and Lester's father had, Lovage refused to see his uncle that way and instead convinced himself that Larry Laffer was dead.

When Laffer did finally resurface--with vague memories of intergalactic escapades and news he was now heading a luxurious casino is Las Vegas--Lovage's admiration for his uncle grew tenfold, and with college on the horizon, Laffer set out to coach his beloved nephew in the fine art of schmoozing.

This, unfortunately, went about as well as anyone could expect.

Larry Laffer really does adore his nephew, and genuinely thinks his "advice" will help him out in the long run. He wants the best for him.

But Larry Laffer's definition of "the best" is sort of a nightmare for anyone who doesn't happen to be him.

[polyesterpeacock-arch]

" i'm sorry , you think you're in charge ? "

Larry wrinkles his nose, a blink-and-you'll-miss-it flash of genuine anger creasing his face before settling back into his usual smug, lazy smile.

"Well, that is what they tell me, yes. Not sure why my name would be up there in flashing neon lights if I wasn't."

He gestures to the gaudy signboard high above the entrance to his casino, about as subtle as a brick in the face and perhaps twice as disorienting. Gaze then wanders back to the individual accosting him, and he had to admit, it was nice to be able to look down at someone instead of up for once. Nice boost to the ol' ego there.

His name in giant flashing neon light helped too. Always did.

"Look, i'm sure there are a ton of other dumpsters around here! In fact! I know there are! Been in a few myself, not nearly as bad as people say! You can find some great stuff in there, people throw away the craziest things!"

Cants his head and squints, bushy eyebrows knitting together. One last attempt to seem even sort of imposing.

[polyesterpeacock]

So Larry, do you host any Pride events at your casino? I know yer an old geezer but gotta keep up with the times, yeah?

"Geezer?! Hey now, just how old do you think I am?! ...uh. Don't answer that. Anyway. Of course we do! ..or, well, we did. Turnout was, ah...weak, to say the very least. Apparently that 'No corporations at Pride' thing extends to casinos, who knew? I sure didn't. After a couple attempts, we--uh, I decided it just wasn't in the cards for me. And I sure was disappointed! Those cards all have my face on 'em, y'know!

...p-playing cards.. Casino stuff. ...yeah.

I've gone to my fair share of Pride events, though! And those haven't just been publicity stunts, dig? Contrary to what you might've heard about me, i'm not only an advocate for free love, but for safe sex as well! I take that sorta stuff reeeeeaaaal seriouslike, and what better place to preach that than the world's biggest lovefest, eh?

I'm pretty popular there, believe it or not! Please believe me. You don't know how many folks i've met there who thought I was just the cutest lil' thing! Now, i'm a ladies' man through and through, but... I mean, what am I gonna say when some young buck gives me his number? No? That'd just be rude, dude!

Anywho, anywho...long story short, Larry's Casino doesn't do any big, flashy Pride shindigs, but me? Larry, Larry Laffer? I do 'em, baby, and I do 'em hard!

[polyesterpeacock-arch]

I love making men giggle. like was that funny baby girl…

"Oh, we're at the erotic degradation phase already? Huh, usually I have to at least introduce myself first! This is better, though, no beating around the bush."

"...I said 'around' the bush, and not 'off in', right? ...whatever, my penthouse is on the top floor. There's a mint on the pillow. Don't eat it, its mine."

[polyesterpeacock-arch]

buddy, you need a union. Your bosses sound shady as fuck

(Truth serum: 2 / 5)

"A union ain't gonna do jack for me, buddy. My bosses....

My bosses have...everything on me. They know about me...they know about my family... My mom...

..my dad."

// this is from the plot outline of the cancelled "Larry 8: Lust In Space", you can read the entire synopsis on Larry creator Al Lowe's website! I consider it canon to my Larry's timeline since it was intended to come after Love For Sail and Casino.

[polyesterpeacock-arch]

if you could go back in time and not blow it with Patty, would you?

(Truth serum: 1 / 5)

"Would I? In a heartbeat, in a second. She was my dream gal, no one could ever compare to her. She wasn't just some fling, some eye candy, I loved her! And for whatever reason, she loved me back...

But.. I know me. And she knows me. I'd end up screwing up the exact same way. I'd end up hurting her the exact same way. And Patti deserves....so, so much more than a coward who'll cheat on her and leave her at the altar because he's scared of commitment.

If I could go back in time, i'd rather she just never met me in the first place. We'd both be better off."

[polyesterpeacock-arch]

sorry for the ooc but the line "this gal was certainly a looker, but the kind of look you'd give a car crash" made me laugh a not insignificant amount. awesome comparison

((LOL thank you. larry's such a prick and i love him so much.))

[polyesterpeacock]

Larry do you like goth girls?

"Do I? Does the name 'Elvira' ring a bell? 'Morticia Addams'? Ohhhh, baby! Nothin' sexier than commitment to a bit, am I right? 'cept for maybe a huge rack, but I mean..come on, you know what they say about goth girlfriends."

[polyesterpeacock]

📐 3'10" babeyyy!!!

// i'm so sorry the baby was the only way i could get their proportions to work LOL

[polyesterpeacock]

"How does it, uh, feel to know you'll never die? You're going to be around for a very, very long time, aren't you? Doesn't that just, um, drive you crazy?"

ASK MY MUSE(S) INVASIVE QUESTIONS

"Well... I mean, I don't know i'll never die. Just cause it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it never will!"

A disgusted look crosses Larry's face, the actual gravity of what he just said clearly dawning on him. It's brief--too brief, fading back into his usual sly little grin as soon as he catches himself.

"I'm here for a good time, sweetheart. Whether or not it's a long time? Doesn't really matter to me."

[polyesterpeacock]

"when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie

That's amore.

When you swim up a creek and an eel bites your cheek

That's a moray"

"Dean Martin, eat your heart out!"

[polyesterpeacock]

" larry ! "

such a saccharine voice coming from his computer could only be one person . hopefully . but sure enough , a cursory glance would betray a familiar , pink little desktop companion .

" i missed you ! ♡ have you been doing well ? "

"Oh, you know..." Larry mused, grin plastered on his face despite the exhaustion in his eyes. "Same ol', same ol'." Another of his patented 'non-answers'.

He plunked down in his desk chair, spinning around a few times before settling in.

"Whatcha got on the docket for me today, sweet thing? Am I still gettin' those spam e-mails about pills that make your schvantz bigger? And are any of them potentially not spam and actually reputable?"

He pauses, sips his martini.

"...just curious."

[polyesterpeacock]

Of course you get your 69 on a Friday the 13th

"If it weren't for bad luck, i'd have no luck at all!"

[polyesterpeacock]

"You know what this means, don't you? Now you gotta kill any new followers you get. Either that or you gotta pit some of your older followers against each other. Gotta maintain that 69, ehehehehehe."

Doomsday

@the-haunted-office

"Whoa! Baby! Sweetheart! Ease up a little, will ya? I'm a bit of a wildcard, i'll admit, but we like to keep things fun over here!! Only murderin' I do is on the dance floor!!"

Glowing yellow eyes, sharp teeth, big scythe. Check, check, and check. No wonder Larry's sixth sense was going haywire.

"Y'know, someone pitched that idea for my casino! Big fight pit. Have fellas pay to duke it out. Couldn't tell ya why to this day, Vegas is fulla freaks."

[polyesterpeacock-arch]

regress~!

The small boy stares at the strange little girl from across the playground with wide, curious blue eyes. Girls aren't supposed to be green like that... was she sick? Should he go see if she needs help? She's all alone. But she seems happy.

Suddenly, the girl turns to look at Larry, who screams and starts bawling, rushing over to his mother who's sitting on the bench finishing off her third cigarette and paying more attention to the single dads than either of her two kids.

"Mama!!!" Larry cries, "Something's wrong with that girl over there!!!!" He scrambles up on the park bench and holds his mother tight, tears streaming down his face.

Miriam sighs, flicking the rest of her cigarette onto the grass and turns to her son.

"What have I told you about staring at people, Larry??" She scolds him, "You'd have more friends if you actually talked to other kids instead of staring at them."

The sun begins to set, and children and their parents begin to disperse and head back home. Miriam gets up from the park bench, grabbing her purse and slinging it over her shoulder.

"Go get your brother, its time to go."

Larry nods sadly. "Okay, mama." He replies in a small voice before hopping down from the bench to go fetch Lester.

[polyesterpeacock-arch]

👀 !

"Send 👀 for a headcanon about a behaviour my muse has that displays their thoughts and/or emotions!"

// This one's been brought up before, but Larry giggles when he's nervous.

The way he giggles when he introduces himself started off as a nervous tic he couldn't get rid of, and eventually decided to just roll with as part of his Whole Thing.