#🍀 [ i’ve tried but somehow i’m breaking / again and again and again ] → survivor game

[valuehope]

@saviorcmplx​ asked: “ hey. i'm not going anywhere without you. that's a promise. " // rescue-related prompts

   DESPITE THEIR SITUATION, a small smile pulls at Makoto’s lips following Rantaro’s words— it’s good to know they still have it in them to stick together, even when the world seems to be working tirelessly at stopping them. Plus, he does appreciate the promise, especially after telling Rantaro it would be alright to go on without him. Quick glance downwards, where both of Makoto’s hands clutch his upper left thigh; of all the times his bad leg ( with the bullet scar to prove it ) decides to practically lock up, just his luck that it’s when they’re trying to discover crucial information. 

       “Oh, in that case, ah— thank you, Rantaro, really. I... have no clue what’s happening, honestly... not that it hasn’t acted up before! But it was fine a few seconds ago...” If ‘fine’ only means ‘not barely able to walk,’ then sure. “I’m sure it’s just a little locked up, I can walk on it again in no time! I... still wouldn’t want to keep you waiting, you know?” 

[valuehope]

@actstogether​ asked: " hey... it's alright, now. it's okay. i got you... i got you. " anyway // rescue-related prompts

     MAKOTO HAS BEEN HOLDING HIMSELF TOGETHER for a long while now—he thinks he might have lost track of just how long he’s kept up stability for those around him. All he did was try to save his friends, leading right to the title placed on his shoulders and EXPECTATIONS meant to be met as a source, not only of the hope of those around him, but for the WORLD. Holding onto optimism as his one remarkable trait, the quality others rely on, there’s no way he can AFFORD to let go of it, even for a few moments.

      Although, he’s already come up short there too many times— luckily, that tends to be in private, where he can conceal the shock of another nightmare or tight feeling in his chest can pass. Even the CLOSEST he’s ever slipped towards despair, kept in his memories and never let out ( what would they think of him if he did? ). After all, he’s never REALLY lost his hope, of course not! So... it’s okay to keep the more difficult moments under wraps, isn’t it?

   Except ever since waking up here, Makoto has felt himself approaching an edge, and he can’t seem to STOP IT. Nerves, guilt, grief, and every other complicated emotion coil in the pit of his stomach— as if like his lungs are closing in, like a burning feeling that scratches at the back of his throat, stinging in his eyes. Or... maybe that is what’s happening. His hands shake, and he can’t stop it, why can’t he stop it? Each loss so far, every chilling reminder, all emotions buried under the guise of holding the group together finally beginning to BOIL over and—

    A hand touches the side of his face, and someone’s voice breaks into a cry. 

                                                                    Oh... no, that was him, wasn’t it? 

  It takes a few moments to register that the noises aren’t distant, but his own, paired with tears held back this entire time now rolling down his face. Makoto also realizes who it is: ANNIE. If it were someone else, the shame and embarrassment flooding through him might have made their way through enough to stop it, but he’s ALREADY let himself crack, and that fissure only splits further now that he’s let go. Short gasps for air force themselves out between each quiet sob, and Makoto knows she can see him trembling, too. She’s doing something he can’t bring himself to fully focus on, loosening the tighter areas of his clothing as the pad of her other thumb still against his cheek brushes away tears. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying his best to take a bit of a deeper breath, and finally, he hears what she’s saying. Focus on that, he tells himself, and he does his best to— it doesn’t feel alright, nothing about this does, but...she’s there, right? Isn’t that exactly the kind of thing he tries to do for everyone?

    “I—” He chokes on his words almost immediately, sharply inhaling as he takes a fw more moments to try and get ahold of himself. “I’m sorry, I don’t— I don’t know what happened, I didn’t mean to...” She’ll think less of him and everything he does to motivate them after this, won’t she? “I think a lot of this just- it’s... a lot to handle? For everyone, I guess I thought...” Trying to talk right now is... a lot harder than he wants it to be. “I tried, I keep trying, I never wanted this t- ...this is stupid, isn’t it? I’m not s’posed to... I should be better at this by now.”