#🌻𝐼𝒞: 𝒜𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝐹𝒶𝒸𝑒 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒮𝓊𝓃

[famiglia-lealta]

Anonymous asked: Wouldn't Neri be used to people dying

"I don't think anyone should get used to people dying. Desensitized, perhaps - but I don't really like the idea of it. Every life deserves to have some remembrance, some significance to their passing."

"Some days are easier than others. Sometimes, it's relentless. It's a rare occasion that I would be involved in a larger scale combat environment, but.. seeing loss of life in a home, in a care clinic is one thing. Seeing so many, all around you - and when you're told to just leave it and keep moving.."

"I don't think that I can ever be used to that. But I won't let it hinder what needs to be done."

[famiglia-lealta]

🌻{Drabble: The Heart Weighs Heavy}🦈

Content Warnings: Trauma of Death / Loss of Life, Warlike Scenarios

Sometimes, you win some. And sometimes.. you don't.

"What a fucking cock up."

Xanxus spat as his angry footsteps echoed throughout the hallway of their latest assassination target. Anyone with half a brain was already making sure to scramble out of the way and give him a wide berth as he'd passed them. "Find out who was on intel for this! Piece of shit better have an explanation."

"Yes, boss." Squalo ran a hand through his hair with an aggravated sigh, following right behind him. This would end up being partly his fault as well - as the Strategy Captain, it was his job to plan out the points of attack based on the information provided. Granted, it seemed like it had all checked out. Something must have gone off track.

"We've got heavy casualties on the ground level troops, but the enemy has been subdued. Remaining forces are scattering." His report was met with an affirmative grunt whilst Squalo swiveling his head back and forth. "Hey, where's the medic?"

Xanxsu gave another dismissive sound and a sharp look, like out of everything he had to worry about right now, what the shitty medic was doing was the least of his concerns. As the Varia's leader turned his attention into laying into one of the other men about how completely useless they were, Squalo veered off to poke his head into several rooms until he found what he was looking for.

He almost wished he hadn't.

Kneeling in the middle of several of the fallen, both theirs and the other side alike, was Neri. Her usual shades of orange that she liked to wear were now more of a murkier red, stained with god knows whose blood at this point. Nowhere to be seen was the cheerful or even slightly sarcastic looks he was accustomed to - instead, a hollow expression that he himself knew only too well.

When she'd heard his footsteps approaching, she looked up in something of a blank daze. "..Squalo?"

"Yeah, it's me." He acknowledged. Stepping a little closer, he tilted his head as he'd inspected her. "..You okay?"

Stupid question, really. She didn't answer at first, looking back down at the bodies, then lifting her own hands to stare at them, splotchy and splattered with red. When her face had turned back towards him, he felt his chest clench.

The running joke amongst the Varia was that the little medic's presence was like some sickeningly sweet sunshine, a tiny speck of something good in an otherwise dark and violent world. Lightened the mood, some might even say.

It was in this moment, he could appreciate how accurate that statement really was in having the absence of it - to see how devastatingly broken that face looked.

"..I couldn't save them. I couldn't-- any of them! I couldn't-- do anything-- there's so much blood--"

As tears began to roll freely down her cheeks with no signs of stopping, Squalo advanced towards in swift sudden steps, pulling her up against his chest. No words were spoken - they didn't need to be. As soon as she'd felt herself held in the safety of his embrace, the strong backbone crumpled, the walls folding in. Her hands clutched at his coat, immediately beginning to cry in loud rasping, cracked sobs. All he could really do was press his hand against her back, waiting until those godawful sounds had slowly dwindled off, her shaking coming down to a more manageable shivering.

"You did your job, Salvai. Just doesn't always work out the way you intended. You win some, you lose some." Squalo finally spoke, his own voice sounding heavier than usual. "You're alive. I'm alive. Even the shitty boss is alive. I'd still call that a pretty fucking job well done."

Even as he was saying the words, he knew that she wasn't going to believe it. At least, not until she'd have time to decompress everything that happened today and even then, she'd carry it with her like everything else. In truth, that was always something he'd admired, even if she could go a little too far with it.

She would break herself down to bare bones to make sure she did her job of protecting people to the best of her abilities. Her pride - that naive compassion of hers - it wouldn't allow her to be anything but the best. Inconceivable to think that she wouldn't be able to save everyone. So when the days like this one would come along.. she'd have no safety net. No grounds to handle what she would perceive as a failure. Loss of life equated to a failure of duty.

But for everything that she'd done, everything that she was, for her;

He would aways step in to be that safety net.

"Come on, Nerinda. Everyone's pulling out, we'd better start doing the same." He muttered, flicking a thumb through one of the rouge curls of her hair. "We can go over all of this back at the base."

"Squalo..?" Neri spoke timidly, looking up at him with her big brown eyes, freckled face flushed red from crying - the smallest hint of an embarrassed, apologetic smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "I'm.. I don't think my legs.. I'm not sure if I can--"

"Useless." Squalo mocked gently, reaching down to loop his arms around her, hoisting to carry her against his back. "Don't worry about it. Your part's over, kid."

"I've got you."

[famiglia-lealta]

Anonymous asked: (For Neri) Do you wish that your mother was still around, and what do you think became of her if she hasn't passed on?

"There are days I wish I could talk with Mama. Let her know that despite her reservations; I'm safe, I've grown well.. if she was still living with Papa, there'd probably be a great deal more of a fuss about some of the company that I keep."

"I know that the few letters I'd tried sending didn't get any response, but.. no, surely she's still alive, somewhere. Someone would have told me if she'd passed away."

"..They would have told me."

[famiglia-lealta]

Anonymous asked: Does Neri believe in God?

"Considering how many different types of people I've met, different worlds that I've seen - Gods being among us is practically second place."

"So I suppose.. I believe in the existence of Gods - but not so much that they have control or dictate our actions in a set path. Humans are far stronger at deciding their own fates than people realize."

[famiglia-lealta]

Nobody calls me Nerinda.

"My name is Neri." The freckled woman would give a warm, genuine smile every time she introduced herself to someone new. "Nerinda Salvai, but everyone just calls me Neri."

Nobody calls me Nerinda.

"Hell of a mouthful, isn't it?" The other officer scoffed sarcastically, "by the time anyone gets through with saying that name, they'd already be getting buried in the ground!"

Nobody calls me Nerinda.. Unless a situation becomes dire enough to warrant it.

"Oi, brat! Get the fuck up!" The harsh grunt was thrown over his shoulder as he'd kept ramming the door wish his shoulder. "How you gonna bitch about nobody gets left behind when you're staining the carpets?! Get up, Nerinda!"

Nobody calls me Nerinda.. Unless it's someone who knows the sentimentality behind the name.

"If the color of jewelry is in question, it would make sense that with skin such as yours - rich, vibrant golds are a must." Fingers that would gently brush along jawlines and cheeks dusted with pink. "I don't mean to embarrass you with my compliments, Nerinda.. but you truly are beautiful.

Sometimes, a name can be used to hurt--

"You're nothing but a naive child. This is how the real world works, Nerinda. You either grow the fuck up, or you don't grow any older."

..But they can also be reserved for the ones you love most.

"I wish your mother could have seen you like this, Nerinda. You truly are my shining little girl."

Names are a form of power and status - meaning and impression - no different than the clothes that we wear to show what kind of person we aim to be.

And it is to some, the strangers, the friends, those whom I help along the road - I am but simply Neri.

To those for whom I would entrust my life and maybe more;-

Should you call me Nerinda - I will answer your call.

[famiglia-lealta]

" I'm open to exploring!"

[famiglia-lealta]

Are You a Dom, Sub, or Switch?

If you were seasoning, you would be flour (vanilla)

The kinkiest thing to do you can think of is putting rose petals on the bed. Your friends probably believe you when you say that you're kinky because you own a pair of handcuffs. (But have you ever used them, really? Be honest with yourself.)

[famiglia-lealta]

"..They'd just end up killing the therapists."

[famiglia-lealta]

jetblackknight asked: [ For Neri, of course ] ☕ + books that reel oneself in with a good premise, but absolutely falls flat within the first few chapters to the point one has to " DNF " the book : D

"The few people that I've told in confidence that I'm quite fond of the odd romantic novel, sometimes with a more supernatural vein suggested I might like to try something more expansive, like the Twilight or the Fifty Shades of Grey series."

"Look, I'm just going to outright say it - they're terribly written! I couldn't even make it past the first few chapters of the Fifty Shades book, considering the author must have been so excited they forgot to have a proof-reader check it over first! There were so many spelling mistakes - and a few pages that just outright repeated themselves! Who even thought I'd be interested in a book like that anyway?!"

"At least I can say Twilight was a little better in that department, but I feel like watching paint drying on a wall would have had more interesting relationship dynamics than the hours I've lost attempted to read whatever that story was supposed to be about."

[famiglia-lealta]

"I'm definitely not getting involved in this.."

[famiglia-lealta]

jetblackknight asked: // : > happy birthday Neri !! I think !! If not please ignore because I don't know how to reeeeaaaad ) [ at some point during this day by the way ( the 17th of July ), Nerinda is going to find a double-dark chocolate cake from Fredi's, whole, in a sunflower-patterned calebox on her desk—underneath a golden bow stuck in a top corner of the lid is a card, which simply reads, " A birth is a wondrous thing, yours more than most. Thank you for being such a patient and kind friend. " There is no signature, but it looks identical to the coupon Vergil left prior to this. ]

{I wasn't able to be online to answer this, but you definitely have date right! }

Gingerly pulling off a pair of gloves that used to be white, Neri noticed the box once she'd gotten to the trashbin besides her desk. "Huh? How long has that been there?"

It certainly hadn't been there when she'd left. Who would be leaving her gifts like this? She didn't need to open the box to smell how decedent and delicious the cake smelled. Taking a moment to admire the pretty patterns, she picks up the note, her lips tugging into a warm smile at the familiar hand-writing.

"Ridiculous.." She chuckled, freckled cheeks a tad warmer than they were a few moments ago. Clicking her tongue, she pulled out her phone to send a quick message.

🌻{Sun-Facing]: Grazie amico mio. 🌻{Sun-Facing]: Are you doing anything right now? 🌻{Sun-Facing]: I hope you don't expect me to eat all of this by myself! 🌻{Sun-Facing]: I'd much rather share it with, so you can see how much I love it.

[famiglia-lealta]

Anonymous asked: neri why do you put up with xanxus

"My position doesn't exactly favor any sort of retaliatory action."

[famiglia-lealta]

"Oi, trash. Your birthday, right?"

At hearing Xanxus's rough bark of a voice, Neri looked up from what she'd been doing with all the apprehension of someone about to stick their face into a lion's gullet. "Umn.. today, yes. But--"

"Got you a present." He cut across her with a smug smirk. This did nothing to reassure the growing concerns. Honestly, if he wasn't wearing the usual expression of boredom, it usually meant a bad time for all involved.

"Oh? You didn't need to do that, it's not--" Again, he didn't even let her finish her sentence before dropping a stack of papers about one and a half Neri's tall on her desk.

"Gonna need all these reports done by the end of the week." The shit-eating grin only grew wider as a baffled medic flicked through some of the pile, "These are for Squalo, Belphegor.. this one isn't even mafia related-- this is a grocery list!"

And just like that, Xanxus is already walking away cackling like a goose. "Buon compleanno, testa di merda."

[famiglia-lealta]

Anonymous asked: What do you actually do for the Varia?

"At times, admittingly - it feels like not much besides an entertaining hacky sack to be thrown about."

"I'd been initially asked to do a temporary placement to observe and advise on the high turnover rate of subordinates - what you might call the 'grunt' level of staffing. It's been far longer than I'd intended to be here at all, and as you can imagine - people are still getting knifed, shot, thrown out of two story windows for the most ridiculous of reasons."

[famiglia-lealta]

Anonymous asked: How would Neri go about celebrating her birthday, or would she? Does she have a favorite birthday memory?

"Oh, nothing too special. I try to slow down a little bit with my workload, if possible." She still remembers the day she'd asked Xanxus from some leave from her assistance with the Varia. He'd just about laughed himself into a coma.

"Papa usually likes to take me out to dinner every year - if not on the day, close enough to it. There used to be this one restaurant that I liked, they would make the most delicious Scialatielli allo Scoglio.. ah, that is-- seafood pasta-- and the desserts! The chocolate mousse was to die for! At least he's mostly stopped making the entire restaurants sing happy birthday for me."

"..It's a good time to stop and reflect on where I've been, how far I've come, with the people most important to me. To cherish how special life really is, not just my own!"

[famiglia-lealta]

jetblackknight asked: ( the below coupon seems to be made in haste only because of the owner's extremely recent knowledge of Nerinda's birthday. )

( on the back is a printed note which reads ' at least until I can gift you something better ' . the text is still as elegant as the script on the front, as if written with care. The torn edge seems to be that of an unspecified journal. )

Really, she'd only mentioned her birthday as a passing thought - she hadn't been expecting anyone to go to any fuss over it. Especially not in the form of such a sweet gesture, never mind if it was on a torn out journal page or not. If anything, that just made it feel all that more personal.

"Who on earth is going to want a six hour long hug?" Neri chuckled to herself, rubbing at her eyes for a minute before placing the gift in the front of one of her own journals for safe-keeping, staring at it with a fond smile. "Tu, uomo ridicolo. I'll have to thank him by using it, the next time that I see him."