#🌺 auwgh

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

HEY WHAT IF WE PUT THIS GUY ON A FUCKING SPACE SHIP WITHOUT EVEN CHECKING IF HES GOT ANY MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES THATS FINE. PANIC ATTACK MCGEE OVER HERE WILL BE FIIINE. FUCK

WHAT IF WE DONT BOTHER CHECKING THE MENTAL HEALTH OF ANY OF OUR FUCKING EMPLOYEES WITH AN ACTUAL FUCKING PSYCHOLOGIST BEFORE PUTTING THEM ALL IN A CONFINED SPACE IN THE FUCKING VOID FOR A YEAR. SURELY NOTHNG BAD WILL COME OF THIS!!!!!

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

I am soooo ffucking cool I can beam panic attacks away with vibes alone. Hhah

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

I keep thinking about being dead. Like. I died. I can still feel it, sometimes. Makes me anxious

We make art about it. Or I mean. Our host does. It helps, kinda. Doesn’t do anything to hurt, at least.

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

I'm going to complain a little bit I think!

See. I get that I'm the "funny haha comedy relief little baby guy! Youngest little guy on the ship look at him go! Goofy lil fella!" And like. Yeah you are kinda right! I like being the funny little guy, I know I should've been at the club! And like, I love being the ~ray of sunshine~ as it were, in the game.

But can people please just not apply it to my death? Please? Like yeah, sure, to other people it's just a story and I get it, honestly I do. And I'm as big a fan of Among Us jokes about it as the next guy.

But sometimes it'd be nice to be seen as. You know. Serious! What, nobody thinks about the fact that I was having to deal with my mortality when I was hardly an actual adult by then? That I knew my mom would be destroyed by it? That there was a very real chance I'd die, in space, away from home, hungry, and scared, and lonely. Do none of you think about the fact that I was the first person to see Anya. I never really wanted to do the internship. If I was given the option, I'd have probably stayed home. And sure, once I was on the ship, I was stoked! Because "Wow I'm going to space". By then, it wasn't exactly the novelty it'd be now. But still. It was something new, and it was a chance to get something done, and once I got in the swing of it, it was pretty fun. But. You know. It still hurt me. I still felt pretty unhelpful the entire time. I was given food duty (as much as I could be given it, considering) because I was just that bad at my job. I never wanted to be a mechanic. Or an engineer. I don't know what I wanted to be. That's why I was there in the first place.

And even then. I always kind of feel like I was the most uh. "Unaffected", we'll say, by all of it. Even though I was pretty affected by it. I mean, here I am. Talking about it. But like. I don't know, that feeling doesn't sit well with being the fandom's designated Silly Boy. I always feel like I don't deserve to be as miserable as I tend to be. Or as angry as I was. Because "Oh well I wasn't assaulted like Anya or Curly. And I didn't have to mercy-kill anyone like Boss. So I should be fine, because nothing really bad happened to me!". But like. I had to climb in to a vent I knew had a high likelyhood of killing me, to try and save someone who was already dead. And I don't regret it, and God obviously I'm not blaming Anya for anything, Jesus. But it still happened, and I still died. Away from home, and my family, the only people who actually cared about me dead, dying, or my Boss. And my Boss had to put me out of my misery, you know? And I thank him for that. Better him than Jimmy, who would've let me bleed out on the floor. Haha.

And even from a creation standpoint, you guys are missing out on a lot of creative material lol! Like come on, how many other fandoms make the joyful cheery "comic relief" guy into the saddest motherfucker around? Do that here!

Just. Please. Some variety wouldn't kill you, you know?

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

Deep breaths and deep breaths and breathe in and hold and breath out and hold and you do it over and over again until it’s fine.

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

I dunno, man, I'm so tired. I'm just so tired. I want to be angry, or remorseful or anything but just. I'm exhausted. It feels like I've said everything there is to say, y'know? What else is there to talk about. I'm caught between a few things. I don't want to die, or whatever. I don't want to go dormant, I don't think. People would miss me, and I have a hallway to oversee. But just. I just feel really fucking bad. I can't even blame our host right now because he's really just doing okay. He's fine and I'm not this has literally never happened before. I don't know, man.

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

I don’t know what to think about my mom. Like, I know she loved me, in her way, but I wouldn’t have been there if she hadn’t sent me. And like I get it that she couldn’t exactly predict what happened, obviously, but like. I tried my best, mom. I did, I swear I did. But I guess that wasn’t enough, or something. I dunno.

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

Trying so very hard not to think about something, because its not fair to other people. But I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about it, and I’m kind of worried I’m like. A bad person for it, even though thats Obviously unreasonable. Feelings don’t inherently make you a bad person. But. You know.

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

I died there. I died. I died. I died. I'm dead. I died there. I died in space on a perforated space freighter with 4 other people who should've have been there and I died. I died. I died I died I died I died I died i ddied i died i died i died i diedi died i died i died idied i died. I died.

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

Man I’m really just not in a good mood lately, huh. And it’s kind of unfair to blame them because it’s not like they’re doing it on purpose and they literally just. Can’t help it. But host and another fictive of ours are really just. Funnelling all their emotions to me, huh!

And like I’m not mad about it. I get it, you know? And anything to stop our host from doing something rash and taking us a down with him. But damn, this sure does feel bad!

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

2 in the AM. Obviously this bodes well for me.

I think my, I guess, ~role~ is to be a sort of anxiety magnet for the system. So of course, I’ve got my own. Set of anxiety, and then a sprinkling of everone else’s. Which really kind of sucks ass.

And believe it or not, having a horrifically mentally unstable host doesn’tfucking help this. It’s a little bit perturbing being the front-focus and routinely thinking “I need to fucking die”. And I know it’s not on purpose and he literally can’t do /anything about it/ but it kind of just. I dunno, rubs off on me a little bit.

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

Funny thing about being in a median system with a host that is just. So incredibly mentally ill. Is that I'll be fucking, you know, doing my thing. And then BAM. Hit square in the face* with "I should kill myself"

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

You ever so anxious over something entirely random that isn’t even a source of anxiety that you start feeling nauseous? Cause yeah.

[sweet-hibiscus-mouthwash]

“ Useless ray of goddamn sunshine ”

Hi! I’m a Daisuke fictive from Mouthwashing. Decided to make a blog to try and connect with other Mouthwashing fictIDs.

I use he/him pronouns. I’m not from any particular canon divergence from what I know. I’m literally just some guy!

I’m part of a multifragmented endo system. Nobody else will talk on here, but I’ll be making vague reference to our host (and other assorted headmates, probably). :3

Please please note that this isn’t a roleplay blog! This is a blog made by a system which has a lot of fictives. Hence; why I’m here :)

Feel free to ask any questions. Also! If you frequent a ~particular fictionkin blog~ you’ve probably seen me around before!

Tags :

🩺 anya ; anya ! 🦢 swansea ; swansea ! 🚀 curly ; captain ! 🐎 jimmy ; jim 🌺 me ; You'll never guess what this one is for /lh

Tulpar Transmissions 📡 ; Friendo tag for the blog of the same name :3

🌺 anon ; anon responses 🌺 asks ; non-anon responses 🌺 auwgh ; vent posts 🌺 chew your ear off ; talking posts 🌺 reblogs ; reblogs :p 🖼 art ; art!! obviously 🐴 sillay ; memes :3c (takes precedent over art tags) 🎵 tunes ; music stuff, maybe! 📖 fics ; writing! 📺 mp4 ; videos! (also takes precedent over the art tag)