#🌟 straight on till morning // self para

[panforever]

New Year, New Decisions — a self para

featuring @panforever & @toddtootles

Though Tootles hadn’t been surprised that Peter and Wendy kissed at midnight, Peter had certainly been surprised by the sight of Tink kissing Tootles. He wouldn’t say he was jealous, because he easily could have kissed Tink instead had he not been focused on Wendy the whole night.. besides, he and Tink had kissed in the past for New Years. It was no big deal. He was unbothered, at least he had convinced himself of that.

Still, that didn’t stop him from stepping away from Wendy for a moment after midnight as he saw Tootles going to the outside patio alone for some fresh air. Some people were already leaving or heading off to bed now that the high of the night had passed, while others were still chatting and having a good time. Peter floated past the others still around as he followed to where Tootles was, keeping the glass door open but closing the screen door. Peter didn’t think twice about whether anyone passing by would be able to hear their conversation outside, not thinking it would turn into a confrontation in just a few moments. 

“Happy New Year, Tootles,” Peter greeted his friend as he floated over beside him, sitting on the patio railing and facing him. Tootles' arms rested on the railing, taking in the view from where he stood as the moon and stars lit up the evening.

“Happy New Year,” Tootles answered simply with a nod, turning his gaze to his friend. He was still feeling the buzz from the brownie and the champagne, and especially the buzz from the kiss he’d had with Tink. Truthfully, he was surprised Peter came out here to see him; it was easy for someone as quiet as Tootles to sneak off on his own and get some alone time with his thoughts, easily slipping through the group of others who would be preoccupied with the party. He’d figured that Peter would still be giving all his attention to Wendy instead of focusing on his friends. 

“You finally got out of work to celebrate with us, huh?” Peter laughed, always poking fun at how Tootles was the responsible one. He remembered how before the Darlings adopted the boys how different it was, how Tootles wasn’t as responsible or serious, and how he had once been the smallest of the bunch. Oh, how so much had changed. Speaking of change… before Tootles could even respond, Peter continued, “I’m guessing that kissing Tink tonight was just an added bonus to getting the holiday off?”

Tootles' expression immediately shifted, surprised that Peter would be so blunt with all things considered. He didn’t think that was the reason Peter had come out here with him, but now it kinda made sense; he didn’t want to actually spend time with Tootles... he wanted to confront him. Tootles wasn’t going to play into his games though, having already been fed up for a while now. Tonight was the final straw. 

“I’m surprised you even noticed Tink at all tonight,” he responded instead of answering Peter’s questions. 

“Of course I did,” Peter answered as if it were obvious, crossing his arms over his chest like a child. “She’s my best friend.”

Unaware that Wendy had been looking for Peter and could hear them from inside, Tootles addressed the elephant in the room. “If that were true, you would have noticed how upset she was when you were giving all your attention to Wendy and kissing her.”

A moment of silence lingered, the distant sound of chatter from the rest of the party inside filling the void. Tootles could feel himself growing more heated, unable to believe that Peter had the audacity to confront him like this, as if he were the problem. What, was he jealous now that he’d seen Tootles and Tink kiss, despite that Peter had kissed Wendy? Did he really think he could have both of them and get away with it somehow? 

Peter kissing Wendy in front of Tink was only the tip of the iceberg though; the leader of the lost boys was messing with both the girls’ feelings while also leaving out the most important detail about himself to them, which only Tootles seemed to remember since Peter brought it up to the boys when they were younger — his immortality. Tootles could remember vividly when Peter revealed this to them, aware that now that he’d turned 25 in August he’d no longer age like the rest of them. How could he lead on two people they all cared about when he couldn’t even be honest? Did Peter ever plan on bringing it up again now that his birthday had passed months ago?

“You’ve really got some nerve, you know,” Tootles finally broke the silence again, shaking his head. “Kissing Wendy in front of Tink after making her think she had a chance.. for making them think that either of them have a chance with you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Peter answered stupidly, seemingly playing innocent, but the reality was that he really was clueless. He had no idea where Tootles was going with this.

“I remember…" Tootles continued, "What you told us when we were kids… I don’t think anyone else does, but I do. You’re immortal.”

Peter felt his entire world shift. He’d been avoiding his immortality this entire time, playing dumb and ignoring the reality that came with turning 25, but Tootles had been holding that truth close to his chest like a weapon of defense. How long had he been waiting to throw that out there? How long had he been burdened by Peter’s worst secret? 

Tootles took Peter’s silence as a sign to keep going — it didn’t surprise him that he had nothing to say to defend himself. He wasn’t trying to attack Peter or make him feel shitty though; he wanted him to stop playing with the emotions of those he loved, who they all loved. He wanted Peter to finally grow up.

“I can’t begin to understand how it feels,” he began empathetically, because truthfully turning 25 was probably a reality check for Peter. It explained his change in behavior since his birthday, his increased recklessness and his lack of caring for others around him, to some extent. But Tootles didn’t believe that gave him the right to treat them poorly, especially the girls. “… but we’ve all looked up to you for years. You’re supposed to be the leader. Keeping the truth to yourself and spiraling out of control isn’t right to any of us.”

Peter felt awful. Tootles may as well have punched him in the gut instead of confronting him like this. But Tootles wasn’t that kind of guy. He was trustworthy but also soft, caring. Truthfully, he made a better leader than Peter ever could, but Peter was the more extroverted and fun one, so he got away with taking on that role. At the end of the day, Tootles was a threat to Peter as a leader, even if he was the quiet one of the bunch. Sometimes, the quiet ones were the ones you had to watch out for the most. Suddenly though, it was Peter who was quiet. 

“If you want to be with Wendy, that’s fine,” Tootles finally continued after some deep thought. “If you decide you want to be with Tink instead… that’s fine too.” Even if that would break Tootles' heart in the process, he knew deep down that’s really what Tink wanted. He just had to ensure that whoever Peter chose, he did it right first. “But you can’t have both, and you can’t keep lying to them either… you need to choose, and you need to be honest.” Peter’s continued silence was almost infuriating, but the reality was that Peter was just digesting all of this carefully. 

Tootles sighed, finally standing up straight and pushing himself away from the railing to go back inside. “It’s time to grow up, Peter.”

Tootles went inside the warm apartment and shut the patio door behind him. Instead of following him inside or staying on the patio, Peter flew off into the night. He had a lot of thinking to do — a lot of growing up to do.