#🌑🦇.entry

[his-hemlockpetal]

Entry I: Feb. 3rd, 1810

I'm not sure what to write in here.

Is it normal for young men to write in here? I suppose if it's my own, I can write how I please. I'll just have to hide it from my maid. Mrs. Carter is very sweet, but makes a point to be in everyone's business. Heaven forbid she finds what I write, I'm sure she'd spread her gossip like wildfire in town.

But this is my own little journal! It's pretty with the black roses, though it makes it almost eerie with the red cover. But I suppose it's fitting, given how gloomy home is. Father said this house has been standing as long as his great-great-grandfather found this place. Nevermind this land was stolen from, but of course he doesn't bother to mention such things.

It's made of this impossibly dark wood, I can't remember the tree exactly. Yet here it stands, with all the trappings of a gothic castle. We even had the gardens that span at least a few yards, Mother insisted upon them.

Oh goodness, I've been rambling. Better get back to my studies before my tutor arrives. Until we chat again, little journal!

[his-hemlockpetal]

Entry 7: April 7th, 1810

I've been seeing him again, the tailor's apprentice. Father doesn't approve, but Arthur is a kind soul! I don't see what the fuss is about.

Arthur is a bit older, yes. But surely not much older than I! Father says that he's not a respectable sort, but surely money is less important than love.

I suppose I must tell you about him, Arthur I mean.

He's come all the way from Hungary, been learning from all sorts of tailors and weavers. Surely he's respectable in that way, knowing so much. He tells me all sorts of stories, Arthur is a wonderful entertainer.

I met him on my eve of my birthday, Father sent for them to tailor me for my new dress. "A proper lady can't wear the same old thing she wore on her previous birthday, can she?"

Arthur came with Mr. Dalles, he's always made my nicer clothes. So seeing him with Arthur was odd, the man hardly every takes an apprentice! No one can help it, it's like Arthur hypnotized him!

Anyhow- He fitted me while Mr. Dalles took out fabrics for me to choose from. He was so nice, he asked me about my party. We talked while I was standing, almost forgot I was supposed to stay still. Arthur has such a pretty smile, I even got to make him laugh. I never thought eyes could be so vibrant. Reminded me of coals, almost red looking. He invited me to the shop to pick out a ribbon and I keep visiting.

Nanny won't stop teasing me, but at least she distracts Father for me. I was hoping to see him again this morning, but Mr. Dalles said he was burned. Something about the iron being too hot when he opened the curtains. I do hope he's alright, maybe I can visit tomorrow to see if his hand is healed.

That's all I really have, little journal. It's time for curfew, so I'll talk again soon.

P.S. - I'm a little confused. I'm a girl, but.. it hurts to think about it. I love my dresses and petticoats, but some days I feel sick when I look at the mirror. Mother says it's because I'm still growing into myself, that I haven't found my confidence yet. I hope I do soon... It's hard to feel disconnected from myself.