❝ ... love you if you were a worm? ❞ a collection of words he's never heard in that procession before! ❝ i would LOVINGLY stomp you into the dirt where you belong! ❞ given the opportunity, there's a very good chance he would even if you weren't!
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shipping WHO? what? to WHERE? ( … what do all of these words mean? )
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@radioprey A MEASURED RESPONSE ...
❝ SALUTATIONS my dearest damned listeners! i do hope you're having an absolutely hellish afternoon. now it has been brought to my attention that an inferior host has been spreading facetious rumors about yours truly on his two bit radio station. ordinarily i would hardly bother giving the flies buzzing on that pile of ROTTING GARBAGE the time of day — but it is stirring up quite the repugnant odor, so let's clear the air, shall we? ❞
❝ first and foremost i do find it AWFULLY ironic how you critique me for talking too much when running your mouth seems to be all you're actually capable of! my good man, are you an ENTERTAINER or an audio gossip tabloid? your broadcasts are plain and uninspired — an INSULT to the art of radio! ❞
❝ and lest we forget, your hypocrisy runs all the DEEPER! you spend an exorbitant amount of time prattling on about the superior alastor this and the inferior alastor that — but i do wonder if it's ever come to your attention that YOU are the ONLY one who feels the need to chirp about his purported eminence. why, you couldn't make your insecurity more obvious if you chose to scream it from the hellfire-scorched rooftops! allow me the honor of dispelling your self-enforced delusion: you aren't the cream of the crop, my friend — you're DOWNRIGHT CURDLED! ❞
❝ there's nothing special about you! you're boring! an embarrassment to every radio demon out there! full of more hot air than a helium balloon — tie a basket to your leg and float away! and to get just a touch crass for a moment, ❞
❝ everyone knows you're a little BITCH. ❞
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he's taken the liberty of snatching a drink out of someone's hands while he was strolling on by — but didn't think to check what he was actually taking. ( a foolish mistake. ) now he's left staring at some neon-looking concoction with a comically tiny umbrella.
❝ ... ❞ what is he supposed to do with this?
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bottom. bottom. bottom. no one is allowed to be ABOVE him. ( he's the best! )
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hurt people hurt people? not if you leave no survivors, they don't! ( amateurs. )
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body aches and stomach twists; it feels like he's been wracked with fever. not a sickness ( despite appearances ) — but a REMINDER from the sinful presence lurking within his blood. she's getting annoyed, testy, under stimulated; of course she is. ❝ you know, patience IS a virtue. ❞ the radio demon calls out to the empty room. he receives a fresh wave of agony for his troubles as if ( for that fleeting moment ) his veins have been filled with liquid metal. aha. so irritable! so audacious. it feels like he's boiling alive.
... perhaps he'll retire early tonight.
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❝ THERAPY! ❞ ( in HELL! ) obnoxious wheezing.
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❝ salutations and what a very good afternoon it is, my dearest, damned listeners! to the forsaken souls tuning in fashionably late, i would like to politely but FIRMLY remind you that i DO NOT take requests. ❞ he only plays quality music — and hell's collective tastes are all quite lacking! ❝ however, i'm not opposed to dedicating a song or two if the proverbial shoe is fitting enough. with that in mind, i would like to dedicate THIS song to the king of hell himself, lucifer morningstar! ❞
🎶 YOU'RE A SHORT MOTHERFUCKER AND NOBODY LIKES YOU — !
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❝ i guess you could say that really BLEW UP in his face — ! ❞ cue laugh track.
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why does this coffee taste like RAW MEAT? not that he's complaining, of course — but it certainly is a surprise!
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