#𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥 𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗞 𝗠𝗢𝗩𝗜𝗘𝗦: // let me go leave me whole

[lookedinfinite]

" how do we get them to stop talking? " from @ensnchekov

she's been wondering the same:  staring at ambassadors,  blankness clinging to usually warm big eyes.  it's been... endless, in truth.  between their rants about romulans  -  their provocations,  their constant opinions. maeve has never had issues with her temper, no, quite the opposite. the more upset or on edge she is, the more logical she is. the colder brunette becomes in her efforts to protect herself. 

"if I break my leg by tripping over something, I can volunteer you to help me to medical?" 

it's - mostly - a joke. sipping on her drink if only to give herself more time before she has to talk through forced pleasant smile. "or we could take one for the team. open the airlock, be glad for a shortcut out of here."

[phdiism]

𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // tag dump: verses (1)

[lookedinfinite]

laugh is so terribly soft, barely more than a breath - mostly drowned by gentle music. it's odd how it suits her: romulan's quiet nature, the melancholic weight that decorates the battle between her softness and her sharpness. she is clever. too clever, in fact, for most people's comfort... and yet that also tends to be where they stop paying attention to her.

why read further? pointed ears, bridged forehead beneath fringe, it doesn't matter how romulan she is because she's romulan enough. so she rarely has to worry about people assigning true, deeper labels to her.

like sad. like overly reserved. 

cold is much more appealing than 'shy'. her steps take no attention - flowing naturally like ocean's tide reaching for a shore. she knows how to dance, it's as natural to her as the science maeve takes such care to bury herself in. "terribly exciting. I fear I might never be able to look at you the same way." maeve teases when their steps bring them close enough to, though her eyes briefly flicker around room to study those making no secret of watching their interaction. "you'll have to be careful. dance with me too often and pleasant hobbies aside, you'll get labelled a menace in the making."

A FEINED GASP LEAVES his mouth as the tempo of the music shifts, drawing him and Maeve apart from each other. Their still joined by their hands, but he has to wait several seconds before he can respond.

"You know, I used to think my father's laugh was evil until I realized that was just how he laughed." A shudder rolls down the pilot's spine before he thinks of an answer to Maeve's question

"Well," he hums. "My super secret garden is a hobby. No surprise that fencing is as well, though you could classify that as work. If I have the time, I like to unwind with a cup of tea, a poetry book, or a holo. I don't do anything grand." At least not while serving on a starship. Aside from reading poetry, Hikaru isn't good at anything art related. So he isn't an inspiring artist or painter. He enjoys chess and cards but those are more recreational than hobby. "Exciting, isn't it?" he muses with a grin.

[lookedinfinite]

" what has been done cannot be undone " from @endeavvor

it's always her eyes that give her away:  large, emotive, full of a softness that truly cannot be faked.  they don't suit her, not truly. her features have been trained from an early age to keep her emotions to herself - especially the bad ones. she is quiet and controlled, an ocean in a teacup, waiting to either be spilt or for porcelain borders to finally crack  &&  shatter.  starfleet's romulan,  despite never spending a day of her life upon home planet or around own kin.

for a moment, there's something that could almost be a ghost of a flinch. she knows the blame federation pins on her blood for the destruction of vulcan, and her sealed files certainly don't help - all there is to know about her are her many accomplishments, her rank, her intelligence. beyond that maeve keeps herself to herself, knowing better than to hope people might warm with more time.

so her eyes move back to large screen, to the stars dancing across it. "are we all responsible for the sins of our people?" maeve hums instead, voice as blank as she can keep it. there's no taking destruction back, nor would she ever try. "I didn't realise 'the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few' had a sibling in the form of 'the sins of the many outweigh the good of the few', but it flows nicely."

[lookedinfinite]

" how is this good news? " from @fyrewalks / kirk

patience, donovan. she knows there are times for the purely scientific - just as there are times to get to the point. brunette has never been one for too many words: quiet nature a still thing, always watching world with careful eyes. "if we know what's wrong, we know how to fix it." it's a simple reply, one that fits with her soft shrug. there was never going to be ideal news.

but, at least now, they know where they stand,

"mccoy now knows how to best support in medical, I know what to look for in my work." she's sure kirk would be happier if this were something less dependent on her expertees. "so not good news, but not dreadful either. vaguely convenient." 

[lookedinfinite]

@endeavvor | continued from here

it's rare for her to comment, to offer her opinion on anything other than what the job requires. romulan is a shy thing after all - well hidden in her shell,  watching universe with big eyes and far too many smarts.  if there's one thing that she excels at, even beyond her projects and her success in too many fields...

maeve knows people, knows how to read them.

"I didn't think you would." her lips curve ever so slightly, pink and cherry sweet, genuine amusement lacking any sign that she speaks with judgement.

it's probably what makes him a good captain, his inability to be anyone other than him.

"so take it as a challenge." maeve shrugs again, hair as always shielding most of her features as she ducks head down to read something on her padd, smoothing blue dress-uniform. "there's no harm in not knowing, there's harm in acceptance of not knowing."

[lookedinfinite]

" i thought it would be more pleasing to engage with you socially " from @tuhmira

romulan is quiet, terribly so, yet she has been her entire life.  she's heard what people think of it: the malice they believe to be in what are actually shy actions, the way they nothing of her or her upbringing.  she'd been raised vulcan after all  -  a lie that lingers in her core, that exhausts her. a quarter vulcan, a quarter human. neither is enough to cancel out the half that gave her pointed ears, the subtle ridges hidden by fringe, the anxious fiddling with the straw that had been in her drink.

"I don't think I've heard it described as 'pleasing' before."

it borders on dry joke, lacking in any sharpness, simply the slight distance of practiced self-defence. "I saw you compete once. you're very talented."

[lookedinfinite]

starter call | @stainedpast

she's not sure if he was warned:  somehow, she doubts it. section 31 is far too spiteful to want either of them prepared - she's been gone just over a month, one minute on ship, one minute pulled for 'urgent mission'. they were so pleased with his actions after all, the proof in loyalty when it came to putting romulan in their firing line despite how she'd believed them to be friends. (she had cared so very deeply. and maybe the naive part of her still does.)

they're happy with him…  and still entirely furious with her.

in the days since her return to ship she's so much quieter, not just back into previous shy shell but now thoroughly barricaded within it. keeping away from all those who had worked their way into her affections - still unsure if to mention anything of what happened. yet big eyes don't leave the scanner in her hands, all too aware it's just them for miles on alien planet, listening to his movements. "not planning on shooting me with that, are you?"

[lookedinfinite]

" Do I need to change? " from @ensnchekov

something about question makes her falter, throat tight. over her life she's been changed so many times - torn apart and sewn back together - until even she isn't entirely sure what her original shape was. there's so many kinds of loss: but maeve is almost numb to how the loss of self has long since made a home at the very core of her. she changes on the daily, a tide forever reaching for a beach, trying desperately to find anything resembling permanence.

pavel isn't like her though, not really, he's sweet. he's good. he's so very human sometimes it breaks her heart. they're both too clever  &&  too young for their own goods, both things the universe is rarely forgiving of.

so it takes a sharp swallow - forcing herself to be more her human blood than her upbringing. "I'm going to need a little more context, pav." her voice is so soft, gentle as she moves, going to sit next to him. "talk to me. do you mean in general? or do you mean into something other than uniform? because I'm starting to doubt anyone around here owns non-primary colour clothing."

[lookedinfinite]

" do you have everything you need for your trip? " from @fasciinating

his voice catches her by surprise, a rare thing in itself. she's always so aware of the space around her - like a kitten never quite taught how to trust, every noise, every creak, always worthy of even a subtle glance up through her hair. her intellect isn't a shield: it's a cocoon, the safety net she uses to keep universe at a distance even when they try to care in return. and, most of the time, her intellect gets her in trouble: section 31's interest in her unrelenting.

as much as she'd like not to, when they give the order, they're the ones in control of what ship she's on.

she'll only be gone for a few weeks (or so they say), the few belongings she's gathered in otherwise empty room easily fitting in black bag. "now, that wouldn't be you fishing for clues on where I'm going, is it sir?" romulan lightly teases, an evasion from the nipping possibility that it might be borne from the smallest hint of concern. 

[lookedinfinite]

" let me take a look at your injury. " from @b4rtlet

green blood stains romulan, half dried, half matted in her dark hair. she's been ignoring it for far too long (hours, she knows but she's lost track of how many). it's just pain  &&  she knows how to handle pain well enough that it's been reduced to little more than a throbbing ache, moving with dancer's precision to never twist more than body will allow her. 

later. she'd planned to deal with it later. once work was finished, once those hurt in previous hours had been looked after.

or, more likely, she'd planned on handling it herself. "it's a scratch." it borders on a lie, but maeve sighs all the same. hand moving up to tuck hair - for once - behind pointed ear, shifting so other can see the bruised and rough cut shaped like broken metal. "shouldn't you be going for a strong coffee, not seeking out shy patients?"

[lookedinfinite]

" at least fill me in before you go. " from @tuhmira

maeve's good at keeping to herself.  some days, she wonders where it comes from:  if upbringing gave her that deep and heavy silence, or if it was always meant to be hers. as a geneticist brunette knows better than most the difference between nature and nurture, she knows sometimes there's no clear cut answer. when it suits her - when things are good - her heart is easier to spot.

when the world is crushing down on her, as she packs bits from temporary lab she'd been working in, she is calm, quiet. 

"honestly, who knows anymore. section 31 needs me on something." gentle hands push her hair from her face, for once tucking it behind pointed ears as she keeps eyes down and only on what she's doing. "I'm rarely given context. they're upset, so a romulan somewhere did something. maybe a cousin."

[lookedinfinite]

" walk me through what we are dealing with. " from @fasciinating

there's an unspoken tension, and yet it's nothing young woman can blame him for. a vulcan upbringing does little to balance out the romulan on her features. so she always does her best: best to keep out of the way, to keep herself seen only when it seems entirely needed. any loss she may feel is no more than a drop in the ocean (or grain of sand in once beautiful desert) in comparison.

her feelings, her thoughts, are her own.

but she's painfully clever too, clever enough that no matter who she is... there are times she's the needed answer. "it's not affecting every gene, apparently human dna is especially susceptible. full humans. you or I, half or a quarter, will feel the effects much less so." she's not a medical doctor - but science officer, right now, is also the closest they have. "I'm getting samples from everyone with even a human great-grandparent to see how it's affecting them different, there may be a vaccine or cure to be found in what combination reacts the least to it."

[lookedinfinite]

" i do wish people would stop asking me that. " from @tuhmira

that's entirely fair enough.  maeve gets it well enough:  how sometimes people pick for information as though picking at a half healed wound.  attempts to help so often backfire -  constant pressure meant to prevent further injury just... making it hurt more. so she puts mug down in front of other, takes a seat where she can observe from a distance.

"noted." so no 'how are you' questions or concerns.

so her tone remains casual, light, allowing other space to evade as much as they might wish.  "are you doing anything this afternoon? anything nice, I mean. a book, a bow, a... something else with a b. boat? botany? brewing?"

[lookedinfinite]

" if i have to think about one more thing today, my head will explode. " from @ensnchekov

chuckle is low, barely audible as the vibrations trace up romulan's throat. she does her best to hide it, to cling to usual blankness, or at least disguise it a little so it's not as obvious to those away from them. yet she leans back a little in chair, finally looking up from the green tea she's been nursing long enough for it to go from steaming to borderline iced. it's been a long day - a long few days - for them all.

maeve should be in bed. but, then again, so should he.

"don't let doctor mccoy hear that. he'll hunt you down." he's rough around the edges... and yet there's no shadow of doubt that it's purely because doctor cares so very much. "so no challenging conversation. got it. we need to get another run in this week, I'm sure you want your title of victor back." it was cheating and they both know it, a shortcut she only used to wind him up.

[lookedinfinite]

" are you trying to go blind? " from @tricords / mccoy

"yes. that was exactly my aim, you're onto me."  she'd been raised on vulcan for a good chunk of what was masqueraded as a childhood, an attempt by section 31 to mould romulan into a box they could predict, into something perceived as controllable.  yet her dry wit is laced with barely hidden pain  -  green blood staining face, aching with how explosion had tinged at skin, where shards had cut. 

he's right.  she shouldn't have taken almost an hour to come.  maeve knows that, knows that waiting until disasters are over isn't always possible.

but what else was she to do?  her research was needed,  and she's the best geneticist they have,  quicker even than computer with the skills that make a romulan onboard even slightly acceptable. if she's vulnerable, or hurt, or anything less than at her best...  what's her worth here?  "you said the data was urgent."  science officer sighs with a flinch at next contact,  "so I prioritized it." over even her own wellbeing.