#𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗩𝗘𝗟: // heroism all around us

[doctordonovan]

❝ start from the beginning. ❞

somehow,   it feels like both a plea and a firm request,  necessity clinging to the edges of other's tone.   @danversiism is her friend,  maeve needs to remember that,  needs to cling to the reality of the words over the way her primary education has schooled her to never let herself be too vulnerable or too open with the things people may turn into nooses.  ( there is so much of her that's too broken,  too different,  to ever be forgiven.  and she is simply too tired to keep on begging others to see her in the same light once she is no longer what they envisioned.  )   experience  &&   logic don't always go hand in hand,  no matter how much she may wish for things to be a little clearer.

nails tap on edge of sketchpad,   familiar paper marked with black lines,  devastation clearly etched over and over upon previously innocent paper.

how is she meant to explain a thing like this?  ❝ so,  you know how I joked at least my 'ability' was already as bad as it was going to get? ❞   death lives within her skin,  yet so does life,  impossible juxtapositions maeve has hated every time she has awoken from own end.   neither of them ever asked for power...  yet at least carol seems made for own vibrant brilliant.  nails tap again,  anxiously exhausted,  a sign that for once she's truly struggling to find any kind of words.   ❝ turns out things can always get more fucked up.  and there didn't seem to be a good time to drop the 'I keep having horrifying visions of upcoming disasters' bomb. ❞

[doctordonovan]

041.   the street of an unfamiliar city at night .

it’s hardly the best of places to walk alone, yet there are few places where such an hour comes tenderly or without threat. dawn is still hours away from slicing through heavy city darkness && sunset has long since been washed from waking memories, too urban of a space for the stars to manage more than occasional and weak flickers. maeve is far from naive when it comes to the ways of the world, of the dangers held amongst constant noise…

yet her work, too often, requires the privacy daylight can never offer. still it’s a good thing the cold has never affected her too badly - jacket a little too thin for standing still, bright brown eyes stuck on something in the distance even as slightest of noises alerts her to no longer being alone. ❝ careful, @shieldied. ❞ somehow scientist has no need to properly turn to know exactly whose steps seem to echo. ❝ you’ll scare the poor fox. ❞

[doctordonovan]

birdie rambles; me vs the desire to make part of maeve's ability in her dc / marvel verse visions of upcoming disasters. bc she's so tied in with life && death it makes sense ( but also if like isaac in heroes she paints or draws what she sees ). she already has life-force absorption / redistribution and I just think it sounds like her idea of hell.

[doctordonovan-a]

 ❝   is that three fingers you’re holding up?   ❞   |   mariya

 concern hardly needs to be voiced:    it is so clearly written in the frown that comes across pale features,  all the more obvious in the way she doesn't quite break her silence yet even as hand slowly drops.   (  what point is voicing concern with someone whose life has faced so much worse than this?  )   nothing she can say will offer any comfort    -    so what is the point in trying to force @starlcved​ to listen to anything she has to say.     ❝    I think we both know,  the fact you're not entirely certain is pretty worrying, mariya.   ❞ 

 there is natural tenderness even in how maeve fights to keep tone somewhat firm.    to give an inch would be to give a mile  &&  neither of them have another battle in them.   ❝   come on.   ❞  hand moves from holding digits up to simply being offered,   a quiet form of assistance that comes without any cost.   ❝   I know,    I know.    you're totally fine,    I'm imagining things.  let me at least check the hit you took to the head.  pretend you're doing it for my well being.   ❞

[doctordonovan]

❝ didn’t want to be there myself, to be honest.  I’m sorry you didn’t have a good time. ❞

there are a couple of moments,  oddly long and silent,   where maeve is as unsure of how she'll reply as anyone else would be.  it'd be easy to avoid subject of the mess everything spiralled into  -    how sometimes,   efforts to be the right person in the moment don't seem to work out.  so instead it's easier to stay silent,  to walk close enough to reach and gently squeeze friend's wrist.

bad evenings come  &&  go,  no matter how unpleasant such things end up.

❝ seemed like you had something on your mind from the start,  if we're being honest @danversiism. ❞    maeve knows blonde well enough by now,   not quite pushing,  yet careful to put out careful offer.  ❝ because I see two solutions to that.  there's the one where I'm very happy to grab us some drinks and you tell me what's up,  or the less emotionally healthy option where we get your mind off of whatever it is.  there's a decent chinese place around the corner. my treat. ❞

[doctordonovan-a]

birdie rambles;     never forget that maeve’s marvel   &&   dc verse is actually straight up hell for her and I think it’s one of the most fascinating things bc!! it’d be so easy to assume she’s a villain or a monster and here she is with power over life and death just casually letting everyone who ever loved her assume she’s still dead whilst running a little shelter for inhumans / mutants.

[doctordonovan]

❝ what's going on with ya ? if ya tell me that everything is fine, I swear ---- ❞

for someone so terribly honest,  whose heart has been so carefully embroidered with so many subtle  &&  vibrant details,  there is a terrible irony to the fact brunette has never been able to be half as forthcoming as those she cares for deserve.    (   the worse it hurts,  the more quiet she becomes,   the less she allows herself to be simply maeve.  the more it hurts the more she becomes no more than doctor donovan   -   focussed only on being useful.  )   her grief isn't a useful thing so it has always been nothing more than a thing she knows how to bury deep within herself.

people caring  -   paying enough attention to want to push her on the matter   -  is still all too new.

❝ going to beat me up for my own good,  @danversiism? ❞    there's no stopping joke from slipping out,  bringing first half smile in days to peach lips.  ❝ that seems a little counterproductive,  doesn't it?  plus it'd be a shame.  I'm too pretty for all that. ❞   joking  -  at least  -   isn't quite her previous determined claiming to be utterly fine.  

[doctordonovan]

she worries and worries and worries,   like wild dog chasing livestock around a field.  it's all she knows how to do  -  it's all she's ever known  -   and liking people only makes it worse.  maeve holds no interest in heroes:  she doesn't hold them high above or long for their signatures on branded lunch boxes...  just as she holds no judgement for people who feel that way. they are there to play a role,  do a job,  each one of them for their own reasons.  ( it's that motivation - that true reasoning - that matters to her above anything else.  maeve is good at spotting those doing it for ego or fame or for the thrill,  and like venom it usually burns through her,  impossible to ever ignore again.  yet that isn't him.   her instincts know that much,   they know how to spot the true weight that comes with caring from a true spot of vulnerability. ) 

how much easier would life be if it could simply be switched off? yet even with that option,  maeve cannot pretend she would be able to make herself flick such a switch.

caring hurts,   but feeling nothing is no better.  ❝ what sort of coffee man are you? ❞   it's not a question most would ask under the circumstances of being in such a presence,  yet maeve has never been most people.  she starts walking with usual quiet steps - with easy grace that leaves her unnoticed in most settings.  ❝ let me guess. iced caramel macchiato, with vanilla sweet cream cold foam and extra caramel drizzle. ❞   if she has to wait for new setting to address true matter at hand,   a little bit of humour will surely do nobody any harm.

the   cold   is a   phantom,   an   echo   that   gnaws   at   his   gristle,   sharpens   its   teeth   over   ossein   casing of his bones.   memory   become   ghosts that haunt.   ( serum   ensuring   he   no   longer   feels   where   air   beckons   frosts   ever   closer ).   yet   lungs   STILL RECALL   the   ache   of   pneumonia   setting   in,   frail   ribs   rattling   for   breath.   each   winter   a   struggle   just to   survive.   unable   to   forget   the   briny   rush,   the   ocean   pressing   against   his   chest   ;   ice   water   dragging   him   down   down   down   to   become   his   tomb.   ❝ somethin'   like   that. ❞   spoken   with   edge   of   discomfort,   A   STRAINED SMILE   that   ebbs   into   relief   only at   her   next   suggestion.

❝ sure,   i   could   go   for   a   cup   of   coffee. ❞   attention   briefly   cast   down   streets   that   reached   out either   side   of   them before disappearing into the inky evening.   (  maybe   not   a   dark   alleyway   conversation,   but   still   he   could   never   be   too   careful  ).   not   when   his   wasn't   the   ONLY LIFE   at   stake   ;   content   for   now   that   shadows   were   not   hiding   horrors.   hands   curling   into   pockets   then,   hurricane   eyes   settling   back   upon   her   face.   ❝ wanna lead   the   way? ❞

[doctordonovan]

❝ maybe i've developed feelings. ❞ | Tyler

she's a being of contradictions:  gentle hands,  gentle features,  far too clever and sharp eyes.   she lingers in her silence more often than she talks   -  happy to let people work off the assumption that it's some kind of indication she has no opinions on certain matters to share.  ( half the time,  maeve is fully aware,  she has been labelled as cold simply because others couldn't find the right word to explain shy.  she has long since learnt how to keep herself separate from how others perceive her.  )

the safehouses she runs  -   the dangers she faces...  it's not for the love of science,  nor from some arrogance borne from being hard to keep dead.  she helps because she cares,  places herself in the way because tender heart couldn't cope with doing nothing.

so @theking-blackheart-muses' words cause her to falter,   to hesitate in otherwise steady movements to clean cut on his arm.  ❝ that's a dreadfully big thing to have a 'maybe' placed before it. ❞   she whispers softly,  resuming dipping cloth in water then gently patting on red.  ❝ maybes can change everything. ❞

[doctordonovan]

❝ You’re pregnant? ❞

it's not news she meant to bring up,   not something brunette has entirely processed herself.  ( she's always tried not to imagine it:  to never even consider motherhood as an option.  )    she's barely told anyone   -   hell,  she's not even told the baby's father yet  -  private life kept to herself to the ridiculous extent maeve is moderately certain nobody even knew she was seeing anyone beyond a casual occurrence that occasionally led to messy curls.

❝ I... ❞   she can feel @danversiism's eyes on her,  the clever and sharp gaze slicing through her.  eyes that know her too well,   eyes trying to work out if it's a good bit of news or if it's something maeve didn't mention for a reason.  god.  ❝ yeah. ❞   maeve sighs softly,   ❝ it's not public knowledge yet   -  just been a bit busy processing it. ❞

[doctordonovan]

❀    ||       maeve && her dc / marvel death

I truly, deeply, have always believed that in her dc / marvel verses maeve's death isn't going to be directly caused by a villain. or, rather - I don't think that's the right kind of tragedy. maeve's powered verses are all about her having an ability that SHOULD make her a monster, that in a comic or a film or anything... would be a villain's ability.

but life is more complicated than that. she's a deeply powerful being who refuses to use that to ever hurt anyone, even to her own detriment. maeve chooses to rely on her kindness and her brain to help people instead.

she's never been a physical fighter and 'death' hasn't changed that.

but give me a naive hero, someone at the start of their journey, or someone who is long since jaded. someone biased with ideas of right && wrong && monsters && heroes. someone who sees how horrifying her powers are, who believes nobody should ever be allowed so much power... especially someone who keeps herself on the fringes of things.

she's quiet, shy, reserved. it's so easy to misread her and even easier if you're someone she can sense has already decided they don't like her.

so give me a hero who makes a weapon that can cut off her ability ( because I do have a hc coming that she has her version of kryptonite ). who doesn't realise - or doesn't care - that maeve physically can't survive without her power. when diane killed her and maeve came back from death the first time... that meant she would forever need her ability to stay alive.

just maeve, gentle and good and so powerful maeve, who could empty a city so easily if she decided and yet the person realising too late that the point of maeve is that she wouldn't. she never would.

but also, the weapon being designed before someone warms to her, before they Realise and it being used by someone else.

[doctordonovan]

❝ what are you doing? ❞

safehouses are her responsibility:   her task to keep her somewhat sane even with the madness of recent years.  idle hands have never suited her  -  but as hard as she may work,  as many hours as she may spend in labs tucked out of the way,  sometimes she simply needs to be moving.  ( it's best to keep out of the way,   to keep interactions with any government or group or team to a minimum.  as long as they're happy maeve is doing no harm  -   helping without bias or ill intentions  -  usually they're happy to let her exist.  )   being a hero is of little interest to her when there's so much real work to be done.

❝ I'm cleaning up.  a bit of manual labour is good for the soul. ❞   statement comes lightly,  grabbing broom and focussing on confetti sized fragments of what was once a window,  now shattered and covering floor.  replacing cracked door will have to wait until next day,  but most of the work before her are things she should be able to handle herself with time.  ❝ I've told you,  @metalhalf.  she didn't hurt anyone,  she just had an issue with her ability.  she's safely somewhere else and I'm dealing with the mess.  nothing for SHIELD to concern themselves with. ❞

[doctordonovan]

❝ you've been helpful. ❞ | sharon c.

❝ I aim to please. ❞   dryness of response is never marred by any real harshness,    no hostility,  but trust is hard to earn:   she offers none to those who come with questions,  with even the potential they are digging too deeply in areas that may affect the metahumans who come to her for help.  (   kindness is not the same as being naive,  she knows the feeling of danger all too well,  and hopeful nature is a constant choice.  )    one of these days the wrong people will push things too far  &&   there is only ever so far scientist can allow herself to go.

yet,   in the end,  there are middle grounds she has to find to protect those same people from the things that are beyond even her reach.  none of this is how life was meant to go  -   yet brunette is all too skilled at her work,   a geneticist who cares too much to not get herself involved no matter the personal consequences.  ❝ I have no intention of getting involved beyond the necessary,  @rihtual. ❞    it's another simple observation.    these days,  the politics of not existing and continuing her work have become a near constant job.

[doctordonovan]

©     ||      send me “ soundtrack ” and i’ll tell you the song that plays when ours muses are on screen together. | feat. @goldshadows

[doctordonovan]

©    ||      send me “ soundtrack ” and i’ll tell you the song that plays when ours muses are on screen together. | feat. @goldshadows

[doctordonovan]

[ encourage ] sender supports receiver with pats on their shoulders and a big, encouraging smile

it's easy to get caught up    -   buried in own head as each tap on screen brings seemingly endless new data across it.  maybe she should have left it in another room,  shouldn't carry it around like an anchor,   yet guilt will only gnaw away at her if she doesn't spend every waking moment proving her use.   (   and,  in truth,  social settings have hardly ever been her idea of a good time.  )

@novatm's touch comes as a surprise,  the first thing in far too long to force gaze back up.  ❝ I'm just finishing up,  I promise. ❞   a finishing up that could easily take hours,  if scientist finds the need to avoid true social interactions for that long.    ❝ trust me,  it's much better that way.  my skills with small talk these days are abysmal at very very best. ❞