#𝖋𝖎𝖑𝖊𝖉 𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗 *˖ ⊹ talks ╲ nelly .

[jawbrkrs]

starter for @invcntions

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞  ,  especially  after  their  sixth  shot  of  the  night.  thick,  black  doc  Martens  carried  them  as  if  guided  by  unseen  strings  ,  straight  to  the  door  of  a  past  they  had  buried  deep  in  the  catacombs  of  their  minds. with  a  quick  knock  ,  they  rocked  back  and  forth  on  their  toes  ,  waiting  to  see  the  one  face  that  could  cause  a  stutter  in  the  rhythm  of  their  heart.  "  hey  —  I  uh  ,  I  dont  really  know  why  im  here  right  now  .  "  nervous  smile  plastered  on  their  face  ,  feeling  like  they  were  in  highschool  again.  "  seeing  you  tonight  ,  really  fucked  me  up  if  im  being  honest  —  and  im  ,  im  just  rambling  now.  "  clumsy  words  spewed  from  their  mouth  ,  as  she  scratched  the  back  of  hear  head  .  "  can  I  --  can  I  come  in  ?  "  yep  ,  she  had  quickly  come  to  the  conclusion  this  was  down  right  the  stupidest  thing  they  had  ever  done  .

[jawbrkrs]

"  sure  you  don't  want  a  hit  ?  promise  ,  it'll  relax  you...  " | @sakurapizza

[jawbrkrs]

"  god  ,  can  you  just  be  honest  with  me  for  once  ?  friends  don't  look  at  each  other  the  way  we  do.  admit  it .  " | @moonvvrites

[jawbrkrs]

based on this.

" do you want me back? " it wasn't a hard question but they knew the answer, wouldn't be as direct as they hoped. | @silverspringed

[jawbrkrs]

𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤  ,  every  emotion  etched  in  the  margins  .  time  should  have  been  a  balm  ,  rendering  memories  into  soft-edged  relics  ,  but  some  loves  are  like  ink  on  skin—impossible  to  erase  .   "  yeah  ,  looks  like  it  .  "  she  murmured,  her  smile  wavering  ,  a  fragile  mask  slipping  in  the  face  of  vulnerability  .  how  had  she  ended  up  here  ,  tangled  in  the  web  of  past  and  present  ?  after  their  break-up  ,  moving  on  had  seemed  like  a  dream  she  could  never  quite  grasp  .  but  life  has  a  way  of  pulling  you  forward  ,  even  when  your  heart  is  shackled  to  the  past  .  she  had  no  choice  ,  really  .  it  became  clear  the  other  wasn't  coming  back  .  "  to  be  honest  ,  it  just  kind  of  happened  .  "  words  like  pebbles  tossed  into  a  still  pond  ,  causing  ripples  but  offering  no  clarity.  not  exactly  comforting  ,  especially  with  a  wedding  looming  on  the  horizon  .  they  sat  in  the  pregnant  silence,  the  air  thick  with  unspoken  words,  until  the  question  sliced  through,  sharp  as  a  scalpel  .  "  yeah  ,  I  do.  "  she  finally  answers  after  a  beat.  drawing  in  a  deep  breath  ,  the  taste  of  nicotine  mingling  with  the  crisp  air  ,  a  bittersweet  cocktail  of  past  habits  and  present  realities.  but  there  was  a  difference  between  being  in  love  ,  and  loving  someone.  she  just  didn't  think  the  other  deserved  to  know  that  just  yet  .  "  why  does  that  matter  though ?  "

@jawbrkrs

the smile plastered on her face when she had seen the other was fake. cat knew that nelly would know it was fake as swell. cat had always been trash at being fake with the other girl. seeing how they had spent so many years dating it wasnt like she could really hide anything from nelly.. even now. though when she had heard the other was getting married she felt like she could puke. all she wanted to do was run away. get as far away as she could. she lit her cigarette nervously as she took a seat in the lounge chair. she took a puff and blew out.

the fake smile stayed plastered to her lips. "so.. you are getting married huh?" she asked the other doing her best to keep her shit together. "i had heard you had moved on.. i just didnt realize that things had gotten so serious between the two of you." or at least she had wanted it not to. he biggest regret was how the two of them had split. she knew she needed to let nelly go... but as she looked at them right now it was so hard.

"do you love her?" she asked taking another hit off her cigarette trying to steady her breathing and her hand. "do you love her?" she asked a little louder looking up at them.

[jawbrkrs]

"  what's  wrong  ?  you  afraid  your  friends  will  find  out  about  me  ?  "  𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭  ,  ordinarily  wouldn't  have  been  a  matter  of  concern  ,  until  feelings  became  a  part  of  the  question —  complicating  things  past  no  return .  "  or  you  were  afraid  your  little  boy  toy  would  find  out  ? which one is it ?  "

a closed starter for @jawbrkrs featuring mitzi.

"you're supposed to call and warn me before you show up here."

[jawbrkrs]

suddenly, a slow breathe hitched in their throat. the tone of her voice sending a shiver down their spine. slowly bare feet moved forward, a nervous form displayed before her. " i — im not too good on the top anyways. " they tried to joke to calm their nerves, looking down at what were now clammy hands.

"in what world would that be an insult?" an eyebrow raised further as the other woman took a step closer. bold, this one, through and through. but she enjoyed that side of people. or the demure kind. she was a take on all comers type. "it was more of a comment and double checking a confirmation. my costar before was a 'top' so it meant i took more of it, but i seriously doubted you were the type. plus i prefer the top anyway. come on then. get closer."

[jawbrkrs]

LIQUOR coursed through their veins, only fueling what seemed to be their third fight this week. a ritual of some sorts at this point. " if you want to leave so fucking bad, the door is right there. " sounded easy enough, and yet neither one of them would budge. what was the hold they had on each other? " you expect me to be a different person? you knew who i was when you signed up for this, so spare me the speech madison. "

eyes peering over at the other in the room - another day, another fight. it seemed like there was no end, not to the endless fights and arguments. madison couldn’t even remember the last time they were able to talk without an empty tequila bottle laying around on the ground. placing her glass down as she let out a trembling, big sigh. ‘’it’s a fucking cliche.’’ words finally coming out of her mouth after minutes of silence. sitting up straight, almost as if she had to prepare for round two of their argument. ‘’i keep pushing you away and away, telling myself you’re no good for me.’’ darkened brown eyes zooming in on the other - fixated on them now. ‘’it all comes down to that - knowing you’re no good for me. but, god. only a monster can fall in love with a monster.’’ / @hclysins​

[jawbrkrs]

𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞  , 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞.  if  she  was  going  to  be  high  ,  she  would  enjoy  it  more  if  they  weren't alone in the clouds.  "  hmm  ,  i  feel  like  im  corrupting  you.  "the  languid,  honeyed  tones  of  her  voice  betrayed  no  hint  of  remorse  ,  just  an  observation  she  was  too  eager  to  point  out.  eyes  glazed  with  intoxication,  drinking  in  the  sight  of  the  other  .  savoring  every  detail  with  feverish  delight.  "  you're  not  gonna  run  away  from  me  right ?  "  hand  adorned  with  ink,  she  reached  for  the  pen  once  more,  drawing  it  toward  her  lips. atmosphere fit for a snake and its prey.

"well, obviously i want a hit." lennon reached over immediately, snatching the pen from the other girls fingers, "what kind of dumbass question is that?" but even as she was practically scolding, her lips pulled into a wide smile.

[jawbrkrs]

of course when life seemed to be on the right track. . . fate had a twisted sense of humor , reminding them nothing was ever certain . for one — they had kicked the nicotine habit to the curb months ago , but the ghost from her past made the allure of the old vice irresistible. “ first flight out huh ? so you weren’t going to call and let me know you were in town ? ” there was a sting, a subtle jab to their ego, though they couldn't quite pinpoint why. an awkward silence stretched between them , the crisp night air amplifying the frosty atmosphere. “ oh uh , yeah. ” usually nelly was one to show off the gold band but not tonight. . “ we haven’t set a date yet, you know still trying to figure out the kinks. ” we they imagine the party tonight , the thought of seeing her ex and talking about their engagement was not on the agenda. . . yet here they were. “ probably a small … intimate , affair. ” they would definitely need another shot after this conversation. “ how uh, are you though ? ” what they were really itching to ask were are you single or engaged too ?

Catalina knew that she should have been happy for the other.  If anyone deserved a happy life it was Nelly and yet here Cat stood at this party sour at how cheery the couple was. Everyone seem to approve of the relationship though and loved the others partner. Got Cat had wished she just would have stayed him. This truly must have been what her hell would have felt like if it was real. However when she had found out the other two was getting married that had did it for her. She was done, she needed to get out of there.  The room felt like it was getting smaller, she was getting hotter and she just simply couldnt breath.  Cat made her way through the crowd as she pushed the backdoor open and settled on the patio. 

Anxiously trying to get her cigarette lighter to light. Her eyes moved to see the other join them on the patio. It was hard to stand there right in front of Nelly. So many memories had flooded, not just the bad. There hadnt been that much bad actually. A small frown took her lips when Nelly asked if that was how they were going to greet them. “Thanks… sorry.” She muttered as she took the lighter and lit her own cigarette. She couldnt take a puff fast enough needed the nicotine to calm her a little. She handed over the lighter and  shrugged. “Just a couple days.. probably get the first flight out on Saturday.” She admitted wishing she could go now as her nerves grew. “you’re engaged?”

[jawbrkrs]

𝒃𝒖𝒕  𝒊𝒕  𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒏'𝒕  fine  .  It  was  like  trying  to  paint  over  a  crack  in  the  wall,  pretending  it  wasn't  there,  even  though  it  was.   she  didn't  deserve  that  ,  and  deep  down  nelly  knew  this  place  was  only  a  web  of  regrets  they  should  couldn't  help  but  weave  herself  into  .  she  glanced  down  at  her  skin  ,  twisting  her  arm  to  reveal  the  vines  of  ink  that  wound  its  way  over  her  flesh  .  "  thanks—"  she  started  ,  voice  a  whisper  ,  like  the  first  hesitant  notes  of  a  song  .  she  wanted  to  say  more  ,  to  tell  her  she  was  the  bravest  person  she  had  ever  known  ,  but  the  words  crumbled  to  ash  before  they  could  leave  her  tongue  .   of  course  she  can  sit  down  and  take  hours  of  needles  jabbing  into  her  arm  ,  but  speaking  her  heart  to  the  girl  standing  before  her  felt  like  free  falling  into  a  dark  hole  .  except  her  next  set  of  words  ,  leaves  them  without  an  escape  .  "  its  okay  —  but  to  be  honest  I  ...  it's  never  felt  like  home  .  "   being  near  her  was  like  stepping  into  a  world  where  something  vital  was  always  absent  ,  and  now  she  knew  why  .  "  "I've  always  felt  like  something  ,  someone  was  missing  .  "  words  were  a  key  turning  a  lock  ,  to  a  door  of  vulnerability  she  thought  she  locked  up  a  long  time  ago  .

brown locks shake gently at the suggestion her night might have been ruined, seeing nelly was never going to be easy, yet sasha knew even now she wouldn't turn it down for anything — certainly not yet another party with the same people she saw all the time. “ it's fine. ” she reassures quickly, honest smile pulling to her features as she tries to push away the rise of nerves each time her gaze meets the familiar eyes. “ oh they're definitely artistic. ” agreement falls lightly, unable to help moving a little closer to nelly for a better look at the way the ink decorates their skin. “ honestly, they're beautiful. it's just that no one here's brave enough to do it. ” but it suits her in a way that makes so much sense with the nelly she'd always known, feels right even if it is a new addition to her ex. “ god, she'd love that. she'll have you on youtube on repeat, it'll be unbearable. ” a gentle laugh falls from her own lips as eyes roll, pretending for a moment that the conversation between them can be normal, though it fades all too quickly at the words which follow. “ uh, no — not really. you know this place, there's not exactly anyone here for me anymore. just ex-cheerleaders and girls who want to be young moms in their teslas. anyone cool left a long time ago. ” the words intend to joke and yet the lightness feels forced, as if there's a part of sasha not quite able to remember why she hadn't done too. “ it's nothing like LA, all the models and actresses, i bet everyone's fascinating. ”

[jawbrkrs]

𝐮𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲  𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞  was  boiling  over  ,  a  touch  of  arrogance  even  when  it  counted  ,  but  right  now  it  was  hard  to  even  pull  their  eyes  up  from  the  floor  .  shoulders  slumped  with  a  vulnerability  that  belied  their  typical  allure  .  "  I  guess  ,  I  just  didn't  —  want  to  ruin  your  night  or  anything  like  that  .  " admitted  ,  words  tumbling  out  with  a  hesitance  that  was  so  uncharacteristic  of  them  .  nelly  couldn't  blame  her  if  she  actually  didn't  want  to  speak  to  her  .  all  this  time  and  no  phone  call  from  her  end  .  yeah  ,  she  was  actually  the  worst  .  "   I  went  a  little  crazy  out  there  .  too  much  freedom  my  dad  said  ,  but  I  think  they're  more  artistic  than  anything  .  "  each  trace  of  ink  blazed  on  her  skin  was  important  to  her  .  some  signifying  important  things  in  her  life  .  "  really  ?  I  might  have  to  add  a  song  just  for  her  in  my  next  set  .  "  soft  smile  errupts  ,  as  they  watch  from  behind  ,  grateful  that  somethings  still  stayed  the  same  .  "  I  mean,  LA's  the  dream,  right  ?  i  get  to  play  at  some  of  the  craziest  clubs  and  parties  ,  meeting  celeb  after  celeb.  i  shouldn't  complain  ,  yeah  ?  "  none  of  it  had  ever  felt  truly  right  without  sasha  by  her  side,  but  their  pride  kept  buried  ,  festering  beneath  the  surface  .  "  what  about  you  ?  you  seeing  anyone  ?  "  the  question  slipped  out  before  she  could  stop  i  t,  a  dangerous  curiosity  that  could  get  them  caught  up  .

“ ah, so you did see me — somewhere amongst the lack of eye contact and fact i didn't see you at all after, i thought maybe you hadn't. ” words tease softly, any forced suggestion of ease on her features surely countered by the complete lack of filter to the words. nelly had always managed to cause that, their presence a guarantee of the complete incoherence that seemed to follow. “ no stress, i would have hidden too — i, uh, did, actually. ” she jokes lightly, brown eyes unable to help glancing over her ex as she took off her jacket and for a moment it's a reminder of just how much has changed. how much nelly might have changed. even if being around them still felt like the most natural thing sasha had done in a long time. “ you look great, by the way — i mean, those do. ” her head nods softly in the direction of the tattoos, attention forced away in favour of moving to fix them both a drink. “ things have been alright. probably nothing compared to what you've been up to. my mom still asks about you, all the time actually, i think you might be her claim to fame. ” smile pulls to her lips as she glances quickly over her shoulder at nelly, grateful for the momentary distraction of focusing on the glasses. “ how've things been with you? ”

[jawbrkrs]

face  to  face  with  her  again  ,  made  them  realize  just  how  easily  she  could  always  make  her  forget  about  the  rest  of  the  world.  their  eyes  met  ,  and  in  that  moment,  the  world  outside  could  have  been  burning  ,  and  nelly  wouldn't  have  noticed  .  "  thanks.  "  small  murmur  rushes  past  tequila  drenched  lips.  this  small  town  always  felt  like  a  suffocating  cage  ,  squeezing  every  ounce  of  creativity  until  only  ashes  remained  .  no  one  deserved  to  be  trapped  here  ,  least  of  all  her  .  "  I  didn't  mean  to  barge  in  —  I  just  saw  you  at  that  party  tonight  ,  and  it's  been  a  really  long  time  since  we've  seen  each  other  .  "   normally  ,  she  wore  her  cool  demeanor  like  armor  ,   but  now  words  spewed  out  of  her  mouth  without  a  filter  .  "  oh  no  —  no  im  okay  .  "  a  lie.  she  was  barely  holding  it  together  .  "  well  maybe  ,  a  drink  might  help  .  "  she  gave  in  ,  shedding  her  leather  jacket  like  a  snake  shedding  its  skin  ,  revealing  new  tattoos  that  mapped  out  the  stories  of  her  time  away  .  they  had  always  been  a  creative  soul  ,  drawn  to  design  ,  but  she  had  to  admit—the  numbing  kiss  of  the  needle  had  become  an  addictive . " how ? uh , how have things been ? "

it's embarrassing, the way her lips curve up to a smile the instant brown eyes rest on nelly — that even now, when the sight of the other splinters the parts of her heart that never actually healed, for a brief second sasha feels like a teenager with a crush. “ yeah, i — yeah, of course you can. ” she shakes herself quickly out of it, moving aside to offer nelly the chance to come in before she's able to consider just what a bad idea that actually is. “ well, i uh — i would have skipped town for your visit, if i... had any idea it was happening. ” words attempt to joke lightly, as if there's not a trace of hurt about that fact buried somewhere deep within them. “ anyway, you know us townies, we're always around. used to tell you i'd never get out this place. ” even if it was normally with the prefix of just how badly she wanted to. nelly was always going to be the one who really made it. sasha was proud of them for that, grateful for the way it allowed her keep up with her life from a distance. “ you want anything? water, food, a drink? ” god knows she could do with one.

[jawbrkrs]

these parties were always the same, with the same faces. the only saving grace was the potent combination of tequila and lime, their pre-game ritual to make these events pass by in a blur. the hand intertwined with theirs added an extra layer of excitement. from the moment they first met, the two of them had become inseparable, and now, especially so, since the other woman had popped the big question resulting in the silver band on their finger. people had their doubts, considering their age but nelly learned a while ago that you don't let something precious slip between your fingers. and fate was playing a wicked game — unless that something good decided to slip back up... there she was. they practically chocked on their drink watching the familiar figure walk across the room. " yeah — im fine. " she mumbled, trying to laugh it off as their fianceé asked if they were okay. " im — uh going to go to the bathroom really quick. to clean up — " the lie esacped to easily, and they weren't even sure why, but instinctively their body followed after hers. she slowly opened the sliding door, anticipation causing a slight shake of their fingers. " is that the hello i get? " even her voice could still cause the hairs on the back of their neck stand up. without a word they simply handed over their lighter, before lighting her own cigarette. a cherry red glow, as nicotine began to course through their blood. " how long are you in town? " she took a drag from the cigarette, allowing nerves and smoke to escape from their lips in tandem.

@hclysins

catalina wondered what the fuck she had done wrong over the years to deserve this? it had been years since she had seen the other and she was finally moving on with her life. then there they were- hand in hand with someone else. cat couldn’t help but just stare, she had felt disgusted at how truly happy the other had made them. once upon a time it was cat who had made them smile and laugh like that.. now another woman took her place. it was tough to watch but cat had tried her best to pretend as if it hadnt ate away at her.  

instantly she regretted agreeing to come to this birthday bash her friend was having. it felt like a bunch of old people visiting each other anyways. it had been very lowkey and all cat wanted to do was leave and have a drink, or get high, anything really that would take the the sickness in her stomach away. her ride was still visiting and having a good time asides they had been there half an hour there was no way her sister would leave right now. so she was stuck, she might not have been able to go but she could avoid the other. slipping out the back door to the patio she had to have a smoke. pushing the cigarette between her lips she struck her lighter a few times but got nothing.  “god could this night get any worse!” she murmured and just like that the back door opened. her eyes panned around to see them standing there. “of course youre out here.” she pointed out, “if you’re going to come out here and bother me then do you at least have a lighter?”  it probably wasnt the nicest thing cat could have said especially since it had been years- but it certainly wasnt the worst.  

[jawbrkrs]

nelly was usually always FOCUSED on her music, so caught up in perfecting her sound that she rarely strayed to do anything else, except with zaneta called. she though about her question for a moment, before relaxed shoulders shrugged. " why not ? it would add to my rockstar image.. big bottom energy? is that suppose to be an insult or — " already moving in her direction.

"eh. people like revolving casts, not just the same faces and bodies over and over. it's good to have a small group to pull from," zaneta looked back to see nelly's reaction and then sighed. it wasn't surprising that that was her reaction. she had been in the video and knew it was less than salvageable. "oh. yeah? you think? you want to be fucked on camera? i figured you'd be fucked. you're giving big bottom energy at all times to me."

[jawbrkrs]

" I still don't understand why you waste your time with these random guys. " nelly moved to look over her shoulder, a small grimace gracing their face. " yeah .. buddy already looked like he wound't last ten seconds. the stills yes, but the footage is a no go. " watching the man struggle to keep it up, earned an eyeroll from chocolate orbs. then .. a thought. " unless ... there's still time and I fill in? "

open to: everyone plot: zaneta [she/her, top/switch] is fairly annoyed that her new video did not come out as intended. your muse [roommate, fwb, (step) sibling, etc.] has a chance to fill in

please do not like my starters made with beta; can switch to legacy

"remind me to, next time, if i need someone for the camera, to have you come over. the guy from the messages? the one promising so much? he lasted all of forty-three seconds and had no bounce back," zaneta sighed as she looked up from the raw footage on her phone to the other and then back down again. "maybe i can sell the stills of me? he's not worth it though."