#𝐓𝐇 01. ┊ morbid topics amidst the pouring rain. ( 𝐕𝐄𝐈𝐓𝐒𝐈𝐀. )

[thiefofcrows]

@veitsia | CONT. from here.

  When I die … the mere idea of those words made something deep inside of Kaz Brekker twist painfully. At the same time, the vicious and wounded thing he’d become after his last true brush with death thrashed with rage. Both sensations swept over him so abruptly, it was difficult to reign in an outward response. Kaz still clenched his jaw, his fingers tightening around the pen he was writing with — even his writing stopped, albeit briefly as he caught himself, took the faintest breath through his nose. The force of such frayed, raw rage scared him still, deep within his bones and, the only reason it scared him was because it was for her.

   He didn’t want to think about what life would be like without listening for her, without instinctively seeking with nothing but vague senses for her approach, where she would simply melt back into the world, emerging from the shadows like magic. He didn't want to imagine never seeing her seated at his window again, feeding the crows that would always remember her kindness.

   Kaz had said the words as a joke, light and teasing, despite the fact that maybe he might actually mean it, but … of course she had turned it into something too real. He would surely paint the streets red with the blood of those who’d laid their hands on her without a moments hesitation. How had it come to this?

   A quiet scoff followed and, he too felt the twinge of irritation at himself as he tilted his head in her direction, seeking to steal a glimpse of her. He often found himself gazing into those rich dark eyes and itching to understand the things she didn’t say aloud, longing to solve the puzzles in which she presented him with — the only case where he would solve one only to receive at least three more, each more baffling than the last.

   ❝Escaping obstacles of my own design is what I’m good at, Inej.❞ He’d cheated death more times than he could perceptibly count, but that was how you won a game that was rigged against you from the start, wasn’t it?

   ❝But if you don’t at least haunt me, I’ll be sorely disappointed,❞ Kaz continued, a long, exaggerated sigh carrying the words from his mouth.