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itsclydebitches · 5 years ago

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Three different topics

Hi! Sorry to bother you again. Jist wanted to know your opinion on 3 RWBY topics that have been swimming in my brain.

Ironwood was fine with it

I find it hilariously sad (maybe even ironic?) that the RWBY writers tried so hard to frame Ruby&Co as completely in the right for not saying anything to him because ‘who knows how Ironwood would react?!’ But in the end, they’re still wrong. He reacted just fine. Better than, even. No yelling, berating, or mental breakdowns in sight. So they proved themselves wrong. While trying to prove themselves right. I’m torn between laughing until I can’t breathe or screaming until I can’t breathe.

Whitley

With the way the writing is going, I’m kinda worried that they’ll end up playing the 'Whitley is like his father’ thing seriously. Because if they don’t, then Weiss would have been wrong about him. And in this pro-protagonist dystopia that they’ve created, that’s not allowed to happen. But in order to make Weiss the righteous one, they’ll have to demonize Whitley to prove that Weiss was correct about him. And I’m incredibly uncomfortable with the notion that they might just end up doing that. Because while they haven’t been so far, I don’t trust them to stick to their story the way it’s been written. They haven’t stuck with anything else after all. (Except hating Ozpin. Seriously, did the voice actor or the character do something to them? At this point I’m wondering 'did Ozpin run over your puppy? Steal your significant other? Call your mother fat?’ This level of hatred seems a bit obsessive..)

The Grimm and Salem

I don’t know if both the writers and the characters have forgotten, but… do they understand that the Grimm still exist separate to Salem? Like, she can control them, sure. But she didn’t bring them into existence. She dived into a Grimm pool that already existed and gained her abilities. Do they realize that the way the story is setup even if the main characters defeat Salem, the Grimm don’t just cease to exist? One of the biggest 'Ozpin is evil!’ arguments that I’ve heard is that he was sending people to die by going up against Salem, but he was sending them to fight Grimm. The things that she did not create. The things that will still be roaming around attacking people with or without her. I don’t know if that was intentional? (I doubt it.) But this is a major problem with the narrative. 'Ozpin was sending people to die!’ Yeah. Against the Grimm. The things that you already signed up to fight and potentially die to. As far as I can tell the only ones who were actually supposed to be doing anything involving Salem were Qrow and Raven. And they were just supposed to be surveillance. 'We just have to take down Salem!’ But there will still be Grimm. The terrible nightmare creatures that like to tear people apart. Remember them? 'Just collect the relics! That’ll solve the Grimm problem!’ And then you’ll have to deal with uniting people. Everyone. Like Jacques Schnee. Unless you plan to kill everyone that presents a problem to you. It just feels like the show is focusing way too heavily on the 'Salem’ part of the story, when the other two problems are just as bad, if not worse. Salem at the end is one person (simplified down). The Grimm are much bigger in numbers, can show up anywhere, and don’t go down by taking out one. Uniting humanity is another problem because there’s always going to be someone who thinks of themselves as 'better.’ But, you know, Salem. Sure.

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RWBY topics, hell yeah! Putting the rest below a readmore to save dash space.

1. Oh my god don’t get me started on that. The real kicker is that I agree with them. In that I agree that EVERYONE should be very careful about who they reveal this information to. I’ve never once thought that Ruby and company were in the wrong for being cautious, only in their and the writing’s insistence that only they can be cautious whereas Ozpin and Ironwood are horrible, flawed people for doing the exact same thing. Regardless of that though, the group was indeed proven wrong this last episode whereas Ozpin was proven RIGHT:

Ozpin: I don’t want to tell you this because I’m afraid that you will betray me and lose hope in our mission

Group: [Proceeds to betray him by stealing the relic, stealing Jinn’s name, ripping his whole past from him, denying him any sympathy or support, physically assaulting him, driving him off, losing hope for a stretch, and continually painting him as a convenient scapegoat to all their problems]

Ozpin: [Hanging out in Oscar’s head] Oh wow look at that, I was totally justified in being cautious with them. They handled that horribly.

vs.

Group: We’re going to do to Ironwood precisely what Ozpin did to us---only with more stakes attached---because who KNOWS how Ironwood might react. If we went on drinking binges and attacked a kid over this, imagine what a man with real power would do

Ironwood: [A level-headed adult who, unlike the group, has actually proven his trustworthiness in the past, who is not inclined to blame others for bad situations or physically attack them] Wow this is horrifying. Astoundingly though I’m not going to punch you over it. However, I am going to jump straight to blaming Ozpin and absolving you because heaven forbid anyone acknowledge the hypocrisy around here

tl:dr yeah I’m still salty

2. Oh man I hadn’t even thought of that as a possibility... but yeah. It’s far from impossible based on a) how we’ve seen RWBY treat male abuse victims in the past (not well) and b) RWBY’s endless ability to straight up ignore things they’ve established. Meaning, we saw in The Lost Fable a huge amount of sympathy for Ozpin which was then completely erased to make him the thematic antagonist. In the same way, we may have seen Weiss coming to that realization that Whitley needs her help... but in RWBY’s writing that means absolutely nothing. We can’t bank on them following up on that because they haven’t bothered to follow up on so much else. We may very well get an evil!Whitley arc and a heroic!Weiss arc to contrast him, leaving the viewer wondering, “What happened to that epiphany you had with your mother about how Whitley has little to no chance of change unless he receive support from someone other than his father?” and the answer will be, “Wait, you thought RWBY was consistent?��

3. Perfect example of this: literally everything you’ve laid out in regards to the grimm. That has frustrated me for volumes now, ever since the group (and the fandom) started painting Ozpin and his connection to Salem as the sole reason for why things are bad in the world. As if there isn’t, as you say, literal monsters running around devouring people entirely disconnected from her and her spat with the gods. The group willingly signed up to risk their lives to fight grimm. They knew they were fighting an immortal enemy in the form of the grimm. They know they’ve done important work by protecting people from grimm. They know the grimm will still be there even if the Salem threat is taken care of... but no one ever acknowledges this. The writing has forgotten its primary antagonist. Is Salem a super big danger that they need to take care of as soon as possible? Absolutely, but getting rid of her doesn’t solve every problem like the group seems to think it will and it certainly can’t act as a convenient excuse now that things have gotten harder. “You had us risking our lives to kill an immortal woman!” This is what I mean when I say that RWBY’s writing and much of RWBY’s fandom literally just makes stuff up. That is not what happened. Everyone go back and watch Ruby begging Ozpin to let her into Beacon because she, of her own agency and free will, wants to fight the very real monsters that are threatening her world. Salem only makes that problem worse.

#rwby #rwby volume 7 #rwby volume 7 spoilers #mymetas #submission

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mittensmorgul · 6 years ago

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I wrote a post last night about the Monster of the Week in 14.15, Chip Harrington, and what made him monstrous:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

But I want to look at this from another direction, because Chip’s self-described origin story-- what drove him to monstrosity-- is fascinating and relevant to the larger narrative (and especially to those of Cas, and Jack).

I’d been considering waiting until the transcript posted, but I’m not that patient, so I transcribed it myself. I know this is a long scene, but there’s a lot of important details in here. Rather than transcribe it and then quote blocks of it again with my comments, I’m gonna put my comments in brackets between sections of dialogue here, but the actual quoted dialogue here is one continuous conversation, just for the record:

Cas: So you did this. Chip: What, did you think it was the milkshakes? [laughs]

(well, yeah, we did think it was the milkshakes, or the water, or the food in general, because Faerie Rules, and Sam ate and drank while Cas didn’t)

Cas: What are you?

(And isn’t that just the question of the season? What is your identity, who are you, please explain yourself...)

Chip: Well, I kinda like to think of myself as a Good Samaritan. You know, I’ve always been lucky. I’ve always had an intuition about what people were gonna do, or say. It made me the king of poker night. But then, the mill shut down. And this town, the town I love, it started to die. Then my sweet wife, she passed away. And the world kept getting worse, and they called it “modernization.” And no matter what I did, people would turn to drink or drugs, and move away. They just weren’t happy. Things kept getting worse, and I started to hear noises-- voices. And I screamed at these voices! I said, “Just make things better!” And you know what happened next?

(he began to hear VOICES. Like, his life-long sense of “intuition” was magnified after the loss of his wife and his growing dissatisfaction with the state of the world. This sounds very much like a spiral into bitterness and depression, probably magnified by the intuitive stuff he picked up from everyone around him. The thoughts he’d pick up from a thriving town full of happy people, and from his wife who loved him and was happy with him, and from happy customers at his soda shop, would’ve probably given him a lowkey life-long “high,” you know? And then when the town around him began to change after people lost their jobs, the entire energy of the town would shift, and his source of “secondhand happiness” that he’d come to think of as his OWN would’ve not only dried up, but would’ve been replaced by a constant stream of negative feelings and thoughts that he picked up just as subtly, not even realizing it was affecting his own mental state)

Cas: No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me. Chip: The very next day, I thought-- just thought-- “I wish there was more people in the soda shop.” And I came in here that day, and it was packed. And that’s when I figured it out. I can make people do whatever I want.

(it took him this long to realize that the “voices” went both ways, and that instead of the woes of everyone in town being inflicted on HIM through his psychic ability, he could turn it around and inflict HIS thoughts on THEM. Suddenly could force everyone else to be happy to feed his own subconscious addiction to that vast pool of human energy, so he crafted it to fit HIS needs instead.)

Cas: So you’re some kind of mind-control psychic? Chip: I re-made this town. I gave everybody new names, new lives. I made everybody happy. Well, most everybody. And the ones that fought it, well... Cas: You murdered them. Chip: I was just protecting my home!

(Protecting his home, i.e. protecting his own mental state, which was entirely dependent on his environs because of his psychic abilities that he just couldn’t turn off, because of what he is.)

Cas: [to Sunny]: And you-- you knew all about this. Chip: Well, she knew enough to play along, but uh... my tricks never worked on Sunny. She’s too much like me. Sunny: I am nothing like you.

(she might have his psychic abilities, but she is clearly miserable in her father’s idea of a psychic utopia. His idea of happiness is nothing like hers)

Chip: [to Cas] But you, why can’t I change you? Cas: Because I’m not human. Chip: Oh. [chuckles]

Is it all really that simple? I think there’s a lot more complexity going on here. After all, the way Chip describes the “voices” he heard growing more clear sounds an awful lot like Angel Radio in some respects. We know how that can sometimes affect Cas. I’ve always been under the impression that Angel Radio has always been like... background noise most of the time to angels. There’s always a low-level awareness of everything from angels deliberately communicating with one another to human prayers and, um... longing. But it’s always also seemed that Cas (and other angels) didn’t always focus on it. They could disregard it, or at least not devote their full attention to it all the time. There’s even the time during 8.08 where Cas said that he’d “turned it off” entirely.

But there’ve also been times when something came across the frequency so strongly that angels have been all but incapacitated by it:

in 12.08 when the news of Jack’s conception came across to him and he dropped the coffee cups

in 4.09 when Cas’s cry of DEAN WINCHESTER IS SAVED came through loud enough to switch on her dormant Angel Radio antenna

12.10 when Benjamin prayed to the rest of his flight and Ishim, Mirabel, and Cas all froze in place to listen

13.01 when Jack overheard angel radio for the first time and was all but paralyzed by it, driven to violence because of it

And that’s just off the top of my head. I included the one about Jack deliberately here... but more on that in a moment.

Of course Chip doesn’t know how to deal with this sort of psychic reception from all around him. He’d never given it much thought before it began to hurt him rather than help him. And the fact that he can turn around and inflict it onto others for his own comfort, and that he would inflict it on others and assume THEY were happy just because HE was happy, because that’s always how it worked before... is just horrifying.

I’d also like to throw in the reminder of Cas’s last meeting with a psychic who was unable to “read” him. In 10.17, after Oliver told Cas he couldn’t be an angel because he was an atheist, he shared this:

PRYCE: Was me. I don't do the psychic stuff no more. Being around people, it's kind of . . . Hell. All those brains yapping all the time drives a guy bananas. CASTIEL: Because you can hear everyone's thoughts. PRYCE: Well, not yours. All I'm getting from you is . . . colors. But the hippie over here? I'm seeing some creep-ass hobbit-lookin' fella, a prison cell?

Not only did he share the relatable tidbit about avoiding other people because of the effect of picking up all their thoughts, the only thing he picked up from Cas was “colors.” Nothing specific as far as thoughts go, but psychic wavelengths that he interpreted as color.

And through all the people in town that Chip controlled, he never really could get a read on Cas, either. He picked up Sam’s wavelength right away, just like Oliver Pryce did, but Cas remained a puzzle because like for Pryce, he was just entirely out of the realm of their experience. He didn’t fit in their preconceived box. Pryce expected “normal human thoughts,” and Chip expected “type of happiness I understand and can exploit for my own personal gain.”

Chip... could not conceive of how to make Cas “happy” by his own definition.

And this finally leads me back around to Jack, and his episode-long struggle to understand why Felix the Snake was “sad.” Why he wouldn’t eat and seemed lethargic and sluggish. Jack... had no true intuitive read on the snake’s feelings. Maybe it just hated the tiny plastic box Jack had it in. Maybe it was just too cold. Reptiles need outside warmth to be active, and won’t eat if it’s too cold to bring their body temperature up enough for digestion. But Jack was treating it as if it were a sad person instead of a snake with needs that he was clearly not meeting. Road trips may have cheered Jack up in the past, but snakes don’t generally like that sort of thing. Nor do they like crunch cookie crunch.

Felix was just as much a puzzle to Jack as Cas was to Chip. And like Chip, when Jack couldn’t make the snake be happy, he gave up and blew up its head disintegrated it, as if it was an act of mercy when it was anything but. Just like Chip insisted that killing the people that fought against his mind control was done to “protect his town,” when really it was to protect himself.

And now that we have that out there, I’m gonna skip over the fight scene to Sunny’s confrontation with her father (back to my previous format of commenting in parenthesis between the text):

Sunny: You killed Conrad! Chip: No! You told him the truth, and that’s why he ran. And that’s why I did what I had to do. You killed that boy, Sunny, not me.

(YIIIIIIKES. First off, my Worst Thing To Say Ever On Supernatural-- “I did what I had to do.” And second, he blamed his own daughter, who fell in love with someone in a way Chip didn’t approve of, and told him the Big Truth about what was happening in town, for her lover’s murder. If she’d only obeyed and kept the secret and followed his orders unquestioningly, everything would be just fine! How ironic is it that the ONE person in town who was immune to his powers and that he couldn’t “read” the way he did everyone else was the only miserable one in a five mile radius? And that she was the one person you’d think Chip had a vested interest in actually ensuring her happiness, because she was his child. But nope. He was so disconnected from reality that he couldn’t even relate to her aside from how she could serve him. And that’s just... a horrific glimpse of parent-child dynamics on this show.)

[meanwhile inside the soda shop, a donnybrook ensues, and eventually Cas talks Sam around, breaking Chip’s psychic hold over him, because Cas was unwilling to actually hurt Sam in order to stop the fight. He used his words... after they recover they run outside to see Sunny’s confrontation with her father]

Sunny: You’re sick. Chip: Well, but you stayed. You didn’t even try and stop me.

(YIIIIIIIIKES now he’s not just blaming her for her lover’s murder, but for everything else he’s done. As if it were her responsibility as his child to do so. As if this was a black and white choice, and that not stopping him was equivalent to her full complicity in his actions)

Sunny: I promised Mom that I wouldn’t leave you, but you’re a monster. [Chip grabs her arm and pulls her closer] Chip: No. No. In this town, I’m God.

(haaaaa, Sam runs out and shoves him away from Sunny. She’s got her father pegged now. It was a promise to her dead mother that kept her there, despite her father ruining her life and destroying the man she loved for his selfish pursuit of his personal idea of happiness. Because he’s really not god)

Sam: No, you’re not. Believe me. We’ve met God. Cas: God has a beard.

(YOU TELL HIM, CAS)

At this point, Chip breaks out a new set of psychic powers we didn’t know he had, and flings Cas across the sidewalk Angel Mojo Style. Only making the parallels to Angel Radio earlier seem even more apt. I mean, this also harks back to Sam’s own experiences with psychic power in 1.14-- and heck the pain caused by his visions seems also relevant to the more cataclysmic angel radio events I listed above-- but specifically the fact that when faced with enough of a threat, Sam moved that heavy piece of furniture blocking the doorway with his mind. And obviously we knew Chip was using his psychic powers to explode people’s noggins Scanners-style, but this makes him look... terrifyingly angelic. Kinda makes one wonder if this might be some sort of psychic gift that has passed down their family from... perhaps from a nephilim ancestor generations and generations ago, you know? Not that this is The Truth, but the powers are similar and it makes one wonder...

He then turns and attempts to use the power that wouldn’t work on Cas-- namely the head-exploding-- on Sam, but Sunny can’t stand by and watch him actively kill someone. She breaks out her own gift, that she’d apparently never used on someone else. She tells Chip to stop, and when he doesn’t do it of his own free will, she says it again, with power behind it. He may not have been able to use his psychic powers on her, but she was able to use hers on him.

This first reminded me of every other Crypt Scene we’ve ever seen, including Cain’s description of what made HIM stop killing originally and retire-- Colette asked him to stop.

But it also reminds me of another Psychic Children episode: 2.05. Andy Gallagher’s similar variety of mind control to Chip’s didn’t work on Sam, and his twin Ansem’s psychic influence didn’t work on Andy. But when push came to shove, Andy resorts to shooting his brother to stop him from killing Dean. But now Sunny is actually able to force her father to do her will instead. She proves she’s nothing like him, because instead of killing him, she locks him into a state of perpetual happiness inside her own mind. After she stops him, she’s horrified:

Chip: See? I told you! you’re just like me! Sunny: No. You hurt innocent people. You want to be happy? Then be happy. [she forces him to be happy]

Which is a callback to what Cas offered Fred Jones in 8.08:

FRED: You want to know what's the worst thing that can happen to a guy that's got a mind like I got? Losing it.

Because that’s kinda what happened with Chip. Not that he was suffering from a loss of control, but that all his filters had just... disappeared. Happy townspeople, thriving town, loving wife focusing that good feeling on him all the time. But Cas offered Fred a solution and explained what it would mean for him, which was kind of the opposite of the solution Sunny forced on her father:

FRED: Now I'm good. In a month, year... [sighs] Nobody gets sharper with age. I'm gonna lose control again, and somebody's gonna get hurt... again. [sighs] You got to make it stop. CASTIEL: There might be a way. The procedure will be painful, and... when it's over, I'm not sure how much of you will be left. FRED: [takes a deep breath and then speaks decisively] Well, what are you waiting for?

Rather than risk hurting anyone by accident because he was losing control of his powers, he eagerly allowed that part of himself to be removed so he could relax in the relative comfort of his own mind, knowing he was leaving the world better. He was... happy... even without his powers.

Sunny just... stopped Chip from using his power and locked him up in the vision he’d tried to create in reality, to remain unaffected by the people around him while they all go back to their normal lives-- happiness, misery, and everything in between.

And as Cas lays a hand on Chip’s head to answer Sam’s question that Sunny struggled to, because she didn’t know exactly what her power did to Chip, with an aside to mention that Cas was framed in the background behind Chip when she said, “Then be happy!” and thank heck her powers don’t work on him. But really, Cas is choosing to do the exact opposite for himself, because he can still make that choice for himself, which is an interesting flip here:

Cas: She made him happy. Your father is trapped inside his own mind. He’s in a world that... it’s a beautiful world, but it’s a place where he can never hurt anyone again. Sunny: Good.

There’s so much parent/child horror mixed up in this, with their current parental dramas surrounding Jack, and the vision of “paradise” that Jack gave Cas back in 12.19. That was also a “beautiful world” where there was no struggling, no war, no anger... but it was equally as unreal as this vision that Chip is now trapped in. But it sounds like it wasn’t even Cas’s idea of happiness, by the way he described it to Kelly in 12.23. He seemed more shaken by it, given his greater understanding of what Jack literally brought into the world with him-- ie the rift directly to The War World, and AU Michael and all the horrors that have resulted from that. And none of that was Jack’s conscious doing, but his birth brought that forth anyway.

Just as Michael’s narrative purpose has sort of... ended, now that he escaped Dean’s mind fridge, and just as Michael’s purpose in this universe was thwarted when the Apocalypse didn’t happen back in 5.22 and left our Michael catatonic and broken in the cage (according to Lucifer), and just like Lucifer became listless and bent on rage-fueled destruction without any other purpose after Chuck left the world again, Jack is facing that same sort of purposelessness and fundamental loss of identity in the wake of having achieved his purpose of defeating the evil his creation brought forth into the world. Defeating it changed him, and it remains to be seen if he’s any better equipped to deal with that change, and that loss of purpose, than Michael and Lucifer were.

And this also brings up all the questions of Cas, his identity, his abilities, his state of being, and his happiness, and what the consequences of him choosing that happiness might mean for all of that... and for his very existence if the Empty has anything to say in the matter.

And I got all this from the realization that Chip’s powers were a wee bit angel-y.

#spn s14 spoilers #spn 14.15 #spn 5.22 #spn 12.23 #spn 12.19 #spn 8.08 #spn 1.14 #spn 2.05 #spn 10.17 #jack nougat winchester #castiel winchester #you learned it from the goats #spn 12.08 #spn 4.09 #spn 12.10 #spn 13.01 #on the nature of angel grace #angels and souls

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guardiandae · 5 years ago

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Meta/Commentary Part 3: A Little ‘XO’ Wouldn’t Go Amiss

(Spoilers below)

I don’t normally add chapter titles to my fics, but for this one I did and now it’s cool to point out

Finally, we’ve reached the last chapter, and this is an integrated POV, which I think really brings the theme of their communication problems full circle. No more split narratives, they need to start communicating with each other if they want to stay together.

Nate woke up on the couch the next morning with Wade's blanket tucked in all around him.

WADE TUCKED NATE IN, I’M SCREAMING, WHO WROTE THIS?? ILLEGAL!

Being disconnected from Wade's mind made everything feeling so much emptier and a little bit colder.

Can I call this foreshadowing?

Wade hadn't moved in with many possessions, but this one box he'd insisted on storing underneath Nate's bed, saying it'd be safer there. There were dozens of photos scattered across the bed in front of him. It looked disorganized, but Wade probably had a method to how he'd arranged them, one that he just couldn't recognize.

Ahhh he keeps this box under Nate’s bed, where it will be safer. This box full of photos, full of the only things that are important to him and irreplaceable. Because Nate can keep them safer, because he trusts Nate even more than he trusts himself. He asked Nate to literally take control of his finances when they moved in together, because he didn’t trust himself, and he insisted on keeping these under his bed. Nate could have ruined him, if he had designs to. He really could’ve.

Carefully, as not to disturb the photos spread across the mattress, Nate sat down next to Wade and pulled his feet up, copying Wade's posture. Wade gave him a sidelong glance and then relaxed, moving closer by a fraction, so Nate could see the photo of himself and Vanessa.

Nate shows care for Wade’s stuff. He copies Wade’s body language to show that he’s being attentive. Nate is not a good verbal communicator, this is his way of silently trying to show Wade that he cares even if he doesn’t know what the fuck to say. Wade isn’t sure what to make of Nate yet, but he’s starting to pick up on this body language, and he’s naturally more of an emotionally open person, so he lets Nate in.

Wade didn't have to look at Nate to know that he had that stupid look on his face. The one where his brow got that little crease and his mouth frowned too much. He didn't want Nate making that face at him. He didn't want Nate getting worry lines over him before he left. Or worse -- staying out of some misguided sense of obligation.

He didn't wanna talk about his problems. His problems weren't Nate's problems.

Wade said he’d been thinking, and Nate asks him why. Wade doesn’t say it, but this entire line of thought is what Wade’s been thinking about. Nate had just said he had an opportunity to leave. Wade still thinks that’s what Nate wants. He doesn’t want Nate to stay just because Wade had a breakdown, if staying isn’t what Nate wants. But he can’t tell Nate that, because then Nate will know, and that will also affect Nate’s decision. So instead Wade picks something else to say, that doesn’t affect Nate personally.

"Thinking about making a scrapbook," Wade said, putting the photo down carefully into a particular spot, as if he were choosing the page in his mind's eye. "My memory isn't what it used to be.”

This is a real problem Wade has to face. Objects are almost as impermanent as his memory, but they’re all he has, and he can trust those. Nate tries to show he cares again, and help by offering a suggestion - make that scrapbook and write down as much as he can remember as he goes, to strengthen the memories.

"God, you're smart," Wade said, his voice full of admiration and edged with excitement. "I knew I liked you for a reason."

"I don't know. I feel like an exceptional dumbass lately," Nate confessed.

"Exceptional Dumbass. Remind me of that if I ever wanna write an autobiography."

Nate tried to smile at the joke, but it was difficult. He understood Wade deflecting with humor, but now he wasn't sure what to say, and it felt like the opportunity to apologize had just escaped him.

And here, Wade’s coping mechanism accidentally shuts down an opportunity for Nate to hedge into making an apology. They’re still stepping on each other without meaning to, but there’s beginning to be an awareness of this happening.

In one of the photos they’re looking at, Wade and Vanessa have matching nailpolish, and the memory makes Wade excited because he remembers that was one of his interests, and then sad because he doesn’t have those items anymore and also because he remembers he probably shouldn’t be excited about something like that.

“...Don't have any polish anymore, either. Probably for the best," he added, although he sounded sad about it. "Merc with a manicure doesn't sound as cool."

"As cool as what?"

"Merc With a Mouth," Wade said, with a silent 'duh' at the end.

But notice Nate doesn’t comment on it or shut him down. Foreshadowing? :3c

Nate, in a roundabout way, says that he admires Wade, and Wade catches on to what Nate said, (mid self-deprecating ramble), it brings tears to his eyes.

“Wait, did you just say you're a fan of me?"

"Do I not say that often enough?"

"No. Or like, ever," Wade muttered, not-so-subtly wiping at his eyes.

"I'm not great with words," Nate admitted. It was this shortcoming that had caused Wade so much recent misery. "Feels like I never know what to say. That's why I'd rather let you do the talking."

Wade fiddled with the photo in his hands. "Thought you just hated talking to me."

FINALLY, Nate is able to broach the subject and start communicating with Wade, even if it’s just being able to say ‘I’m bad at communicating’ because that’s really fucking important information for Wade to know. Wade thought that Nate hated him, but from Nate’s side, most of the time he just didn’t know what to even say and just let Wade do the talking. It made Wade feel like Nate never listened to him, ever, and so much of that could have been avoided.

"I just hated… how much I didn't hate [living with you]."

Wade looked lost and a little bit angry. "Yeah, I don't get that."

Nate let out a breath, full of disappointment at himself, at the words that wouldn't connect. "I'm trying," he said, a little plea for Wade's patience as he tried to gather his thoughts and put them into words.

"The first thing I admired about you was your persistence," Nate finally said. "Even if I thought you were wrong. But you weren't wrong. I was. And I liked your sense of humor. Even if you were a dumbass. But you're not a dumbass. I was the dumbass. You put on this act like you don't take anything seriously and nothing affects you. Like everything's just a game to you. And it's a shitty act. It really is. But I fell for it. I wanted to believe it. Because if you didn't care about anything, then I didn't have to, either. I didn't have to acknowledge that I was hurting you. I didn't have to treat you like a person. And I didn't. I treated you like shit."

For Nate, it would’ve been easier on him if he did hate living with Wade. Wade is able to express his displeasure, because he doesn’t understand what Nate’s saying at first, it’s hurtful, but then gives Nate a moment and space to get words out and just listen.

"To be fair, I am shit," Wade said.

"No, you're not," Nate said, a little too aggressively. "You're a considerate and generous person. Funny. Sensitive. Heroic, even. You deserve to be taken seriously. I was just so caught up in my own shit, I didn't stop to think that you had feelings, too. You're fucking messy, I guess, but I'm growing kind of fond of the scatterbrain--" he trailed off, realizing that Wade was in tears, despite his silence. "Did I fuck this up again?"

Once again, Wade kinda deflects the emotional moment with self-deprecating humor, emphasis on self-deprecating, but this time Nate doesn’t let him. Nate is like the embodiment of ‘I will fucking fight anyone who says you’re shit.’ ‘But I am shit.’ (Nate, rolling up his sleeves) ‘Okay, square the fuck up.’ It’s still aggressive, but channeled in a positive way and tbh Wade really needs someone like that.

[Wade] leaned over to grab a tissue off of Nate's nightstand. "Sorry, I know you didn't buy them for this purpose," he said, wiping his eyes and then his nose.

I’m screaming, this is a masturbation joke.

Nate: asks if this is the appropriate time to offer Wade a hug, because he genuinely isn’t sure.

Wade: Is it?! That’s like asking if I want to pet a polar bear.

Nate: Oh. ((doesn’t move because he’s completely fucking lost and confused))

Wade: I always wanna pet a polar bear, Nate. But the thing with polar bears is, they'll usually maul you to death. And you're the polar bear.

Nate: Yeah. That’s fair. ((still doesn’t move because Wade says he wants a hug but also some metaphor about how Nate is fucking mean to him and would kill him, so that’s probably a no, so he’s still confused as hell and just gonna mind his own fucking business))

He still didn't understand, Wade realized. He wanted to scream internally, but if he was gonna teach Nate good communication skills, he needed to demonstrate.

Wade: You can hug me at any given time of any given day. You can hug me even if I'm sleeping. You don't need to ask for permission, ever. Just fuck me up.

Because... Wade is a lot more emotionally open than Nate is, and a lot more touchy-feely.

Nate: Okay. ((still doesn’t fuckinggggg move because Wade explained how he felt but still didn’t literally say ‘yes, hug me now.’))

"Nate. We're doing a thing here," Wade said, clenching his fists with barely contained restraint. "Hugging. I'm a slut for it. Anytime, anywhere. I wanna hug. Now. So you need to tell me your stance, where the cut-off point is before you're gonna start knifing me. Or grant me carte blanche. Go."

At this point, Wade kinda realizes, despite Nate’s initial question, that Nate is not a hugger by nature. Point being that every time he’s embraced Nate before now (without permission), he’s either been stabbed or been threatened to be stabbed. So Nate either needs to tell Wade his stance on physical contact, or Wade is going to go take his damn hug omg.

The direct approach finally made Nate catch up with the programming. "Right. Got it. Okay. You can hug me if I'm awake," he said. "And if you feel like you need a hug. And if I know it's coming. And if I say stop, you stop."

"Nice. I like boundaries. I can respect that," Wade said. He was practically vibrating with need. "Can I get that hug now?"

This is important for Nate because it will come up again in the sequel and it’s extremely important for Wade to respect his boundaries (because, SPOILERS, hello PTSD!) one of the big things is Wade continuing to help Nate express and receive affection while still respecting his boundaries and comfort zone, and trust that Wade will actually listen and not push outside of hard limits on what he’s willing to allow from Wade at any given time.

When Nate lifted his hands again, Wade climbed back onto the mattress and crawled to him, flopping face-first against Nate's stomach and locking his arms around Nate's waist.

Nate put his arms around Wade, rubbing his back.

"Sorry for being an asshole," Nate said.

Hullo this is so sweet.

"Will it help if I tell you why?" Nate questioned.

"Why what? Why you were such an asshole?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me."

"I didn't want to get attached," Nate said. "I never intended on staying for long."

Wade felt cold again, his stomach twisting at the admission. Knowing Nate's reasoning didn't help. At all. But he didn't want to discourage Nate from being honest, so he didn't say that. He just held on a little tighter, as if Nate wouldn't notice.

Nate’s doing this best to communicate, but once again, we’re getting two different interpretations happening.

What Nate said: “I didn’t want to get attached, but I did. I never intended on staying, but I’m staying.”

What Wade heard: “I still have no intention of staying with you.”

"Are you really gonna be an X-Man? An X-Men? Join the X-Men? Stop me, I'm not sure what the grammatical rules are here."

"I was planning on it," Nate said. "I need stability. We both do."

Wade felt his heart sink into his stomach. "Yeah. I get that."

What Nate said: I need a stable income and an actual job with structure. We both need a stable income and structure.

What Wade heard: I need stability (away from you, because you are chaotic).

"Okay, pretend you're happy for once!"

They both smiled for the camera as Wade started snapping pictures, but Nate noticed that Wade's smile was as insincere as his own. It was nothing like the one Vanessa managed to bring out in him. And that was fair enough. He wasn't Vanessa. He didn't expect to work any miracles. He just wanted Wade to be a little bit happier.

Nate leaned closer, locking an arm around Wade. "Smile, fucker," he said, and felt a surge of relief when Wade laughed, a genuine warmth coming back into his stupidly soulful brown eyes.

"I knew you loved me," Wade teased.

"Yeah, yeah. Take the picture," Nate said, bumping his head against Wade's and resting there for a second. Or two.

When they pulled apart, the little spark in Wade's eyes stayed there.

1. Wade wants a picture of Nate, so he can’t forget him, because he thinks he’s basically never going to see Nate again soon even if Nate promises otherwise. Ow, my fucking heart.

2. Both of them want this picture to be happy, but Wade’s happiness is obviously feigned until Nate notices and makes an effort, in his own way, to make Wade smile a little more genuinely.

3. Nate is just as touch starved as Wade, word of god.

The X-Mansion was quieter than it usually was every time Wade dropped by.... Negasonic was only answering his texts with middle finger emojis,

I needed to prove that Negasonic was alive because the Snappening might be happening but I refuse to bury my gays. I know like 90% of the X-Men are queer but SHHHHH. Protect the lesbians.

THIS ENTIRE NEXT BIT:

((Nobody answering the door))

Wade: Don't worry, I've got this. ((PICKS UP A FUCKING ROCK))

Nate: Is that the best idea?

Wade: Baby don’t worry I’mma get you into the best mutant school.

((HEAVES ROCK THROUGH THE FRONT WINDOW))

((Both of them just stare at each other while they wait for alarms to start going off, but nothing happens))

"Someone forgot to set the alarm before they left," Wade remarked.

"If you crawl through that window, you'll disembowel yourself," Nate warned him.

He wasn't wrong. There were still a lot of very nasty-looking pieces left in the frame.

"The things I do for love," Wade sighed, squaring himself up.

Nate turned the handle on the front entrance and pushed it open, staring at Wade the entire time. "Love is an open door."

"I… You… I thought you tried the door, Nate!" Wade complained, following Nate inside. "Wait, you've seen the movie Frozen?"

"It's a classic," Nate replied.

"Can we sing Love Is An Open Door together? I think that's actually a really good representation of our relationship. I mean friendship."

"No."

"Why not?! It's so us, Nate!"

"Sweet, funny Anna and the douchebag who leaves her to die?”

1. This is peak comedy.

2. Nate is on the same brainwave of banter as Wade already and I fucking love it when couples reach this level of synchronicity.

3. Here’s some choice lyrics bc Love Is An Open Door is legit a great song for them: “Okay, can I just, say something crazy? // I love crazy! ////// Say goodbye // To the pain of the past // We don't have to feel it anymore! // Love is an open door!”

4. Also, Nate just called Wade sweet and funny basically.

Inside the Mansion, Nate and Wade split up, and Wade finds Angel in the kitchen eating a depression!sandwich.

I don’t know a lot of X-Men and I sure as hell don’t know Angel’s characterization, but I based it off of two things:

1. The Snappening is happening, so most of the people Angel knew are dead, and so if half of the population of the planet, and that’s really fucking stressful and sad and depressing!

2. That video of drunk David Hasselhoff eating a hamburger.

"Pigeon Wing?!" Wade blurted out. He didn't need an answer, because there was, in fact, only one mutant that he knew of who had the powers of a fully grown man with fully grown pigeon wings on his back.

"Not a pigeon," Pigeon Wing said, not even bothering to look surprised about Wade's sudden appearance. He had his left elbow on the counter, head resting against his hand, looking like he'd just had the worst week of his life and his roast beef sandwich was the only thing keeping him going.

"I thought you were dead," Wade said.

"God, I wish," he muttered.

"That's concerning, but also, big mood.”

I’m screaming bc Pigeon Wing is such a mood. Sometimes you just , sit in the kitchen and eat a depression meal. And he was sitting right there while Wade threw a rock in through the window and while Wade and Nate entered the house and could not give a single fuck to get up.

Wade tells Angel that he’s there because Nate is a very disgruntled Slytherin who needs to be sorted into the Hufflepuff house so he can be surrounded by soft and gentle souls. Do not fight me on this.

"You know Cable?" Pigeon Wing asked, looking both surprised and skeptical.

"Know him? He's the only man who's ever been inside of me," Wade replied.

FGKGUELEVLKDVLFDKJLDFKGFLSJL

“Hey, Nate, we're friends right? Tell him we're friends."

"Friends?" Nate repeated, lifting an eyebrow. "I'd say we're more than just friends, Wade. I've been inside of you."

I GENUINELY FORGOT NATE ADDED ONTO WADE’S JOKE AND I’M

"See?! And earlier we took pictures in bed together."

EVERY SENTENCE IS PUNCHING ME IN HTE FACE.

((Scott and Logan arrive to see who broke in))

"Wow, isn't this neat?" Wade asked, bouncing on his toes. "We're both here and our dads are both here."

"I'm not your dad, Wade," Logan said, already past his tolerance for Wade's shit.

"Are you sure?" Wade started counting on his fingers. "I was made with your genetic material, you never spend any time with me, you don't love me, and you never call. Sounds a lot like my dad."

I swear most of the characters in comics are related to each other by marriage, blood, or sci-fi genetic experimentation. Logan is still a better dad than Wade’s sperm donor dad, and also Loki is Wade’s other dad who is still a better dad than his sperm donor dad, but if you wanna hear about that you’ll have to ask me about it, I’ll be happy to fill you in. No headcanons, just comics canon here: Wolverine’s DNA was used to try to give other people his healing factor in the Weapon X experiments, and Wade took to it like a fish in a nuclear explosion, and Loki is Loki.

"If I'm gonna live here, or join your team, I have a couple conditions," Nate explained.

"Yeah, he's gonna need his own bathroom, for one," Wade piped up. "Nate's a private guy. And that fancy rich-people garden better produce some vegetables, or Nate's gonna be tearin' some shit up with one of those little handheld shovels. He's also gonna need a TV in his room with full access to every cooking- and food-related channel currently known to mankind."

"Those aren't my conditions," Nate assured them.

"And a lifetime supply of lip balm," Wade added.

Wade negotiating for these stupid little things that he knows are important to Nate. M...my heart... this fucking idiot ;;;;

"I want Wade to have the same opportunity to join the team."

Scott shook his head. "Absolutely not."

"A room, then," Nate offered, but Scott kept shaking his head.

"Not happening."

"That's fine. Thanks for the offer. I'm not interested," Nate said, walking away.

ALL NATE WANTED TO NEGOTIATE FOR WAS FOR WADE TO BE ABLE TO STAY WITH HIM, AAAAAAAAA

AND THEY SAID NO AND HE’S LIKE

OKAY BYE UGLY

SDGDFHKGKDGKK

After Nate walks out, Scott basically rounds on Wade and asks him why he’s fucking up Nate’s shot at redemption, and Wade is angry because from his POV, nobody’s been there to actually help Nate navigate his emotional shit. Which is accurate. Scott is aware Nate is allegedly his son from the future, but doesn’t fully trust him.

"You and Cable left a wake of destruction when he came back to this timeline," Scott said. "And I'm not just talking property damage. There's a body count. If it weren't for the Event, you'd still be in prison. You should be in prison. I'm not even sure about Cable."

"His name's Nate. And all of that shit? It's on me. Not him," Wade said. "Do you even know what he's been through? I might be the one who's fucked up, but I didn't see anybody else trying to convince him there's still some good in this world."

"There's nothing good about you, Wade," Logan scoffed. "You're the last person Nate should be hanging around. He'll end up just like you."

"You think I don't know that?! I don't want him to end up like me!" Wade shouted. There was a silence, and Wade's shoulders slumped as his own words settled into his bones. "I don't want anyone to end up like me."

"That might be the first smart thing I've ever heard you say," Logan muttered, as heavy footsteps came back to them. Nate appeared in the doorway.

1. Scott really thinks he’s gonna help Nate somehow, by offering him a spot on the team, when he otherwise hasn’t done shit and doesn’t trust Nate or even call him by his real name. Issa bad look.

2. Wade telling them that EVERYTHING that happened (in the movie, while Nate was trying to kill a child, mind you) is his fault and not Nate’s, so they’ll blame him and not think badly of Nate bc Nate deserves a second chance and he knows those are rare to come by.

3. Scott and Logan successfully make Wade feel like he’s somehow fucked up Nate’s chance to have a better life just by associating with him. Hi, these are my salty feels @ how most heroes treat Wade in the comic book because they only see him as a fuckup or a punching bag (like Nate did in the start of this fic) and not a real person with trauma and emotions. OW. Colossus, sweetie, you’re the ONLY real bitch in this entire house, I’m-

"Nate," Wade said, not sure if he felt relieved or worse about Nate coming back. "You should really recons-"

"Wade, you were supposed to follow me," Nate said. "The whole 'I'm not going anywhere without you' gesture doesn't really work if you're still here."

Wade tries to make Nate reconsider but Nate doesn’t even let him try to convince him otherwise he’s just like, HEY THE WHOLE ROMANTIC STORMING OUT THING DOESN’T WORK IF YOU DON’T FOLLOW ME???

1. Logan is the one who is less stubborn than Scott, re: Wade Wilson, and stops Nate and tells him he can still be on the team without living at the mansion, they really need his help.

2. Nate agrees without hesitation bc fuck your mansion.

3. Nate ignores Logan calling Wade crazy, and instead tells him point blank that they’ll only get him full time for a trial period and then after that, he’s setting his own priorities. By which, he means, prioritizing Wade.

“Let's go home, Wade."

Those four little words kinda took the breath right out of Wade's chest.

But before they left the mansion, Wade scuffed his boots as hard as he could across the floor.

THIS IS PEAK ROMANCE, KIDS

At home, Wade is so sad he doesn’t notice Nate brings him hot cocoa just like in his dream for him

"You could've had Colossus as a roommate," Wade mumbled into his knees.

"I don't want Colossus as a roommate," Nate said. "I'm not leaving, Wade. Not unless you want me to go."

I’m cryinggggggg.

"I'm not worth it, Nate. I know it. Logan knows it. Scott knows it. The people reading this at home know it."

Nate looked skeptical. "Is that you speaking, or the nasty little voice in your head?"

"No. The white box keeps saying we need to talk. And now yellow is singing that Janet Jackson song, so thanks."

"I don't hear any singing," Nate said, watching Wade carefully.

"Oh, it's there," Wade assured him. "No, my first name ain't baby. It's Wade. Miss Wilson, if you're nasty."

Nate reached out to touch Wade's head, but Wade stopped him, clinging onto his wrist.

"I don't need a reset, Nate. You can't fix crazy."

"You're not crazy, you ass," Nate said, dropping his hand. "I worry about you, Wade."

"Yeah? Well, don't."

"You don't get to decide how I feel."

1. Wade was literally just told he’s bad for Nate, which confirms his own fears and insecurities.

2. Wade’s boxes are actually inside of his head now, instead of something he’s saying out loud. Just like the narrative integrating, Wade’s fractured mind is healing, a little bit. Progress.

3. Wade saying the song out loud makes Nate doubt that the boxes aren’t back, and bad, so he wants to help but Wade stops him because Nate’s powers can’t be a crutch to fix his problems.

4. Nate finally tells Wade he’s not crazy, but rereading this I kinda wish he’d punched Logan instead when he kept saying it, idk.

5. “You don’t get to decide how I feel” is verbatim what one of my exes told me when I kept trying to push her away in the midst of my depressive episodes. I thought I was bad for her. I still, and always will, love her. It stuck with me.

"I've always been a mess, Nate. If you go, that's not going to make it any worse. But staying with me isn't going to fix it, either. I don't wanna be anybody's pet project. I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything just because I'm lucky enough to have more money right now. I just liked being around you. But I don't want this thing between us to be based on pity or convenience or obligation. I don't want anything at all if it's gonna be like that."

I wanted to try to drive home the point that... love (even though they aren’t calling it this right now) doesn’t cure mental illness. Wade is still going to be a mess either way, but he’ll either be a mess with Nate in his life, or without. Nate can help, he can be there while Wade tries to get better, but he can’t just fix Wade, and Wade wants to make sure Nate knows this and isn’t just following some savior complex (coughs violently @ comics!Nate)

Emoting was a lot like puking. Sickening, with a lot of tears involved. But the longer you held it in, the worse you felt. Sometimes you just had to let it all out and then pretend it never happened in the first place. Which was a lot harder to do with someone else witnessing it.

Mood.

"I haven't been the easiest person to get along with," Nate said. "And you were right. You were the one who'd been trying, this whole time. When I first got here, I wasn't in a good place. The last time I saw my wife and daughter, they were… they were…" His voice cracked. He put a hand to his face, as if it could blot out the memories that still came back to him vividly. "They were my whole world," he said instead, the words catching in his throat. "When I fall asleep, sometimes I still see it. Their bodies. Even though I know everything's fine now, that it should all be erased, I can't get it out of my head. And the only proof I have that they're safe, that any of this meant anything, is a teddy bear."

Wade unfurled himself, wishing that Nate was a hugger, because he sure looked like he could use one right now.

"You're grieving, Nate."

"I'm not--" Nate shook his head in denial. "They're alive. I'll see them again. Someday. I need to believe that."

((YELLS BECAUSE NATE FINALLY ADMITTED THE CORE ROOT OF HIS ISSUES BUT AT THE SAME TIME IS STILL IN DENIAL AAAA))

"Yeah. Someday I'll see Nessa again, too," Wade said quietly, and watched Nate crumble. He scooted a little closer, but not too close, because he knew Nate was never far from a knife and it was never wise to corner a wounded animal. "They're alive, Nate. You saved them. You did right. That doesn't cancel out the fact that you still saw that other timeline, where they died. You lived that. It's still real for you."

I noticed while I was working on my last chapter of Hello, Handsome, that this theme of ‘trauma is still trauma even if it didn’t leave scars’ pops up again. Wade, of anyone, would understand this concept. He might heal, but just because his wounds go away doesn’t mean the pain isn’t real. Just because the voices isn’t in his head aren’t ‘real’ doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect his reality. Just because Nate’s family is alive again in the new timeline doesn’t mean the old timeline and trauma Nate came from isn’t real, even if he doesn’t want to admit to himself that it is. Denying it won’t spare him the pain, it’ll only keep him from being able to fully grieve his reality.

Wade’s special box of photos and memorabilia isn’t the only thing kept safe under Nate’s bed - Wade digs out the bear that had belonged to Nate’s daughter and gives it to him, because Nate had put it away once everything was over.

Wade carried the stuffed bear like it was a sacred object, and handed it to Nate with the same reverence. "Mr. Teddykins is a good listener," he said.

Nate's eyes flickered up at Wade in surprise as he took the bear. Instinctively, he brought it close, breathing in the scents of home still lingering in the soft fur, and then tucked the plush under his chin, holding onto it. "How did you know his name?"

Wade sat down beside him again. "Because you told me, when we went out drinking that one time. You said Hope had it since she was three."

"Yeah. It was the first thing I ever got her," Nate said, a fond but sad look on his face.

Hope is adopted. This isn’t a throwaway detail. Nate and his wife Aliya adopted Hope when she was three and the bear is the first thing Nate gave to her when they got her. It’s important. That’s his daughter.

Fun fact: Hope is also adopted in Hello, Handsome, because it’s important to me to keep making the point that she is 100% fiercely his daughter. I’m pretty sure I’ll always have Hope continue to be brought into Nate’s and Wade’s life via adoption, unless her being Nate’s genetic offspring is somehow at all important to the plot, which it probably will never be bc I can’t imagine adopted kids being any less valid in any way and anything that’s ever told you otherwise is genetic propaganda. I said it.

"My little girl is gorgeous. She's got this fine red hair that's the softest thing you could ever imagine. Aliya always said it was the fire coming out of her soul. Smart as a whip. Stubborn as hell, too. I think she gets it from her mother."

Wade spluttered a laugh. "I think she gets it from you, Robocop."

Hi I love Hope and this is pro-Hope propaganda. She is the only valid child. Aside from Baby Shark. And Sleeper. Every other child is on thin ice.

"We could also get some more vegetables."

"We aren't living in the wild, Nate, we don't have to eat raw vegetables from the ground," Wade groused.

"You can cook them," Nate told him, and Wade made an offended noise. "I'll cook them."

This is my favorite fucking headcanon, that Wade is wildly offended by the fact that Nate wants to make him eat shit that grew in dirt, and Nate is wildly disgusted that Wade eats so much processed garbage when planet earth isn’t even fucked yet and there’s so much actually healthy naTURAL ORGANIC FRUITS AND VEGETABLES JUST BEING UNAPPRECIATED

"Are you really serious about all this stuff?" Wade questioned, rubbing his fingers over the warm edge of his mug. "Staying? Having actual home cooked meals?"

I’M YELLINGGGGG THOOOO. We did it, folks, we achieved domestic bliss. Nate finally stopped being an asshole towards the idea of basically accepting the fact that Wade is his new pseduo-wife. I feel like Nate would never fully admit it, but he misses that domestic shit, too. It’s written all over him, way back at the start when Wade was like, ‘Nessa is gone and there’s no rules and aaa :c’ and let things get messy and Nate was like,,, clean up your shit or I will HURT you. They both need structure. Routine. Stability. But they also need kindness. Softness. Consideration. Affection. They’ve both been robbed of the domestic lives they once had, their little escapes away from constant fighting and bloodshed. They are the only two people who really understand what the other one is going through. The outside world is cruel, and especially chaotic in their current timeline, and other people don’t get them and don’t want to because they don’t have time to. Wade and Nate are both realizing that they don’t need to keep putting up walls and playing tough and emotionless when it’s just the two of them. They can care about each other and the world isn’t going to end. They can give the other affection, and it will be appreciated. And they are both so, so starved for affection. The sequel is focused on them working on this, especially, and it’s summed up pretty nicely at the start:

They were just allowed to be two people. Not 'Cable', not 'Deadpool'. Just Nate and Wade and whatever the heck that meant.

“I’m staying.”

“Why?”

"I like you," Nate said. "I like hearing your voice, and knowing you're here. You're the only person that I feel like myself with. But so far I've been nothing but an assshole. If I leave now, that's all I'll ever be to you. That's not who I am. That's not who I want to be."

"I don't think you're an asshole," Wade said. "If you're staying then I'm happy."

"Looks like you're not getting rid of me so easily, then," Nate said. "I just want you to be happy."

Nate was determined to convince Wade that vegetables were worth eating by making a vegetarian meal. His one mistake was announcing his plan. Wade, of course, responded by lying down on the kitchen floor in protest.

"Get off the floor, Wade. You're getting dirty."

"Vegetables grow in dirt!"

"Fuck's sake," Nate muttered, but he was too stubborn to drag Wade off the floor and Wade was too stubborn to get up, so he just stepped over him while he made dinner.

I’m living. I’m alive and I’m thriving in the dirt like carrot.

"You're fucking filthy. Go wash your hands."

Wade tripped over himself getting to his feet. "Love it when you talk dirty to me."

This banter, oh my god.

Fun fact: Originally, ‘XO’ and the sequel, Untouchable, were completely unrelated ideas that just happened to be based on the exact same premise: Wade and Nate being roommates. Halfway through this fic, I was getting pretty depressed by the angst and was like, ‘OKAY, SAME PREMISE BUT THIS TIME THEY’RE BASICALLY MARRIED’ and started writing a fic based more on (imo) comics Cablepool, where they know each other better, and it can be sillier, and Nate is a little less of a clenched up butthole at all times. Partway into that fic, I realized there was very little reason why they couldn’t be the same exact fic. So I went back through what I’d written so far in ‘XO’ and added pieces of softer, sillier stuff, and more touches of flirting, in order to make it easier to transition so it wasn’t going from ‘Nate is a fucking asshole’ to ‘now Nate is soft and makes cookies uwu’. He is the same. damn. man. and y’all are just gonna have to cope!

Nate: Yes I’m an asshole. Yes I love Wade Yes I cook him food while wearing an apron and threatening to stab him if he tries to grope me. I exist. Yes I’m going to fuck him with an inch of his life, soon.

Oh boy.

"You get the glue, I'll handle the glitter," Wade said, making Nate snort softly.

"That I can do."

THIS IS AN ELABORATE METAPHOR. Because.... Nate... is like the glue... keeping Wade together and grounded.... and Wade... is the sparkly glitter.... sparkling. Okay. Bad joke.

On the kitchen counter, he found one of his little pink sticky notes.

X-Nerds mission. Don't wait up. Left money for pizza.

And then, towards the bottom, in tiny print:

OH WOW I COMPLETELY FORGOT NATE DID WRITE WADE ANOTHER NOTE AND IT WAS AN ACTUAL LOVE NOTE THIS TIME BC I SIGNED IT WITH ‘XO’ LMFAO HOW DID I FORGET I LITERALLY TITLED MY FIC ‘XO’ I LOVE MY MEMORY LOSS SOMETIMES WHAT THE FUCK

I still need to let Nate do this like.... 1,000 more times, kthnx. ♥♥♥

And that’s it kiddos thanks for suffering with me.

#reread #self meta #a little xo wouldn't go amiss #rip mobile users #long post

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wtfy-cyzj · 6 years ago

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*SPOILERS* CYZJ Subbed Ep. 9 reaction

Episode 9 is finally out with subs, so you know what that means: another play-by-play reaction text post! And it’s another 2-hour episode, so we’re back to the super long format.

As with previous installments, each major section of the show has a header so you can scroll if you’re looking for something specific. And, of course, spoilers and foul language kinda come with the territory.

Mission reveal and song assignments

Another two performance mission assignment – picking the third finalist pair and then establishing a ranking for the finalists – because they just gotta be ranked going into the finals *rolls eyes* - I could rant about how much I wish the producers would stop pushing the competitive aspect of the show while talking about it being about “breakthroughs”

Hao’s little goddamnit-esque laugh when the 1v1 mission is announced :/

Anybody else get the feeling Victor’s the reason Eric & JC are worried about the other team picking their song? Like Hao might give them something out of left field because he wants them to show a new side or because he thinks it suits them, but not to torpedo them – Victor, however, seems a bit of a wild card

…! I seriously thought Eric had the card down the front of his pants for a moment there!

Aw, Hao’s smile is so sweet – I already knew Eric/JC got to do one of Eric’s songs – that little “you’re welcome” bow & Victor being totally checked out makes me think that was all Hao’s doing

So, yes & no – I expected Victor to at least playfully push to mess w/ the other team – he seems kinda disengaged though

Wait, is that Hao’s handwriting?! I was admiring it when Eric first revealed the card – I know people who only know English who don’t write that nicely – kid’s definitely an artist

“How can I not be satisfied with my own song?” XD

Aw, that was really sweet of Victor to say he hopes they don’t mess w/ the song too much

I love that when Victor asks “by who” Eric & Xiao Wu both go “Drake” w/ a very soft “duh, who the fuck else” feel – and then Hao gets stoked when they start singing it

Yes! I’m so glad Jiacheng said that about Hao & Victor’s performances not being them together! I thought it about the last 2 performances, but since I didn’t really see anyone else talk about it, I wondered if it was just me. Plus there’s the whole cultural disconnect & not being part of the target demographic that added to it. It’s good to see someone who’s in the thick of it with them recognize that same thing

I want to talk about the warm fuzzy feelings I get from Eric & Jiacheng being so thoughtful about their choice and how this reinforces my desire for the show to stop leaning into the competition narrative, but Eric mimicking both Hao & Victor is too cute

I love that Jiacheng doesn’t know how to process Eric’s goofiness for a second – same Xiao Wu, same

Aw, the doodles!

Hao’s “don’t say anything” is great! – take a stand & make Victor dance!

“Okay fine, alright, I’ll dance. I’ll dance” – damn straight!

Second mission reveal

“Sprint Out” Attack? And that means…?

Meh… Another drawn out process to pick a collaborator? - it was cute w/ the ladies but since I haven’t seen anyone talking about the guests and the tease at the beginning of the episode was blah, I’m not really looking forward to it

Trying to ignore the elevator talk and not roll my eyes too hard

Meeting the musicians

Oh dear god, Yanan is so fucking cute watching Liron Man play! – tell me someone’s giffed that doofy expression and weird little wiggle! *heart eyes*

Ooh, Liron Man’s got a great smile – has nothing to do w/ anything but I couldn’t leave it unremarked upon

“The sound produced is very cute […] like a tortoise who lost its soul” – say what now, Yanan?! – that does not seem like a “cute” sound, sir!

Once again, being thoughtful and aware of the other contestants – brownie points to Jun

I’m so glad dude knows some Chinese! We don’t need another person stranded behind the language barrier even if it’s just one episode

Apparently, I love the pipa and didn’t even know what it was – now that I have a name, research will be done!

“My mother’s profession is also in the pipa” – poor girl stepped in it! XD

Here I was thinking they reacted much better than with the previous lady guests, but no, still shy as fuck

I realize that as an apparently internationally-recognized musician, Wangtao probably plays the clarinet in ways that I never could imagine – unfortunately I took band from 7th through 9th grades, including marching band, so I cringed when I saw what he plays – and I immediately had to go look up this Eddie Izzard bit because my brain wouldn’t stop going “clahr-en-ahrt” and “WEzul WEzul” until I did

Watching Jun & Yanan discuss their options is a really interesting look into their personalities – “are we choosing calm or movement?”

“You decide” – brave words, Jun – I wonder where this fell on the timeline of Yanan deciding to leave the show

It’s not going to be a famous Western artist, Samuel – it’s never going to be a famous Western artist – sorry to burst your bubble, kiddo

Bahahaha! For all Zhennan’s “leave us a good one” in the elevator, Jun & Yanan picked the most obvious choice for the kiddies – …yes, I know I’m an asshole for finding that so funny

…Does Zhennan’s shirt say “same shit different day”?!

They completely lost that whole “working w/ musicians will be hard” thing real quick

“I feel like I tortured little kids” XD

Someone’s setting himself up for a headache confusing jazz with jazzy, especially when picking a classically trained accompanist

It’s really cute seeing Eric & Xiao Wu being a little awkward with the pipa player after they seemed to calm with the previous female guests – they both barely look at her

I love arrogant!Eric, especially when he’s immediately replaced by embarrassed!Eric – I am, however, more than a little creeped out by the cartoon bull being blown around by, what, an umbilical cord?!

Aw, Jiacheng immediately defends his “arrogance” *heart eyes*

Wait, did Xiao Wu’s lyrics sound bad? Eric said it could “be a little better” so maybe the phrasing was awkward, but the translation of “lately, I’ve been scared of sleeping alone” grabbed my attention and made me wonder what prompted those words

They’re dorks and I love them

Poor Hao being left to talk to their musician alone

…! I totally blanked that this could be Minghao’s first chance to really do a traditional Chinese sound – aw, yay!

Hmm, Victor really agreed to do purely traditional? I guess “purely Chinese” doesn’t have to mean traditional instead of modern

And then we flash back and I stand corrected!

Performance day

Wait, they’re not gonna show how they chose the performance order between MH/Victor and Eric/JC?! I feel so cheated! thank god

Minghao & Victor are up first – 1v1

“I’m always ready!” *heart eyes*

Hao accidentally proposed confessing to the other contestants XD – just because you think something is meaningless doesn’t mean it really is!

What’s cuter: Hao’s reaction when he realized putting in the other contestants’ names wasn’t the best idea or Hao’s reaction to the thought of name-dropping exes?

I love MH’s logic! Victor’s trying to downplay any romantic intention behind calling out a female artist by saying it’s about respect & admiration, so Hao throws out Jony J & Gong Ge - if it’s about respect & admiration he’s not wrong, but Victor’s face says otherwise – I laughed so hard I had to stop the video and go calm down by doing a load of laundry

I’ve gotta say, as someone who liked both JJ & GG from the beginning & still really likes them and as someone who started watching specifically for Minghao, I love that he brought them up again and in such a positive light. Fans can – and do – hate on them, but he’s got every right to continue to look up to them. He’s the one who was directly affected by their actions, yet he continues to admire them and voice that admiration. I don’t get how people try to drag them on his behalf when he says things like this.

Aw, it breaks my heart a little that Victor thinks making the song about the show is “limiting” their creativity – Hao’s had a lot of fun and had made connections on the show that he obviously values – how is making an ode to that a limitation?

I love when Hao speaks in English – it always surprises me how rich & deep his voice is – like I usually chalk it up to being an artifact of the language, but it’s genuinely appealing – does that make sense? Just me?

Am I the only one who thinks changing the names to their own makes it about self-doubt, not narcissism?

Victor’s so American!

I feel like Victor having to dance is a little bit of karma for being a pain in the ass >:D

That little intro clip is adorable!

Aw, Victor did MH’s 8 hand sign!

Overall thoughts: I loved that! It wasn’t perfect, but I think, after Clap, it was Hao’s best performance by far. He definitely had fun and loosened up with Supernatural in ep.8, but this was a whole other level and I think a lot of it was from actually playing w/ Victor during the performance. I love that they switched it up and Victor had the vocal parts; he’s a talented singer so it was nice seeing him step out of the rapper role. And I was really impressed with Hao’s English. A lot of times, non-English-speakers do odd things with their emphasis on words, but he was pretty damn spot on. It makes me wonder just how fluent he actually is since we don’t see him speak it much beyond simple phrases. The one thing I wasn’t entirely feeling was Victor’s rap. It felt a little rushed? Cramped? It’s understandable since he’s working within a pre-existing song, but it did stick out to me. I don’t know why Victor was worried about dancing. That bit was less choreography and more conscious swagger, if that makes sense, and he pulled it off swimmingly. I wish they hadn’t cut to the audience during Hao’s dance break because it was my favorite one he’s done so far – less artistry and more simple fun. Can we take a moment to thank Eric & Jiacheng for making this gem happen?

“And we were constantly laughing at Victor’s attempt at dancing” – Eric! I’m glad he finally has someone else’s dancing to pick on but also smh

Eric & Jiacheng’s 1v1 prep and performance

Aw, Jiacheng gushing about the comradery on the show and wanting to help each other show their best sides XD

The idea of them singing acapella is actually really cool – if anyone on the show could pull it off really well, it’s these two

I love that Xiao Wu seems to throw out more English the longer he’s w/ Eric – he’s gaining experience and confidence in other areas – why not English, too?

Back to Eric’s crush on Dilireba XD

Aw, JC says they got close – of course they’re (probably) going to in a situation like this, but it’s cute that he’s talking about it – I know I’ve said it before, but I love that he’s so open with talking about stuff like that

Xiao Wu really looks like he’s about to cry reading those comments – and then Eric ruins the moment telling him not to cry

I already saw @bathtubofdonuts’s post talking about them incorporating the fan comments in the stage but seeing them get to that point is so sweet

Wait, so why is it important to tell us the screenwriter lady is in the audience? Was it the OST for her drama?

Aw, Hao’s so touched already

I was starting to worry the editing was going to lose the comments to those close-ups

It’s not weird to comment on how pretty Jiacheng’s hands are, right?

Wah! JC’s teary-eyed!! I was already tearing up – don’t make me cry!

Ah, okay, so she helped Eric write the song

Overall thoughts: I was sniffly & teary, but I managed not to cry. That was beautiful. This is why I was worried when they were talking about making a more impressive set design in ep. 8. They do simple so, so well, and they really don’t need a bunch of extras. Just having that one element of the comments playing behind them was so gorgeous and impactful. I’m really glad that they didn’t have accompanists on stage with them because they’d just be a visual distraction. I know I’ve talked about it in previous reactions, but the combination of their voices is incredible. I doubt Eric has ever sung a sour note in his life, and I wish Jiacheng knew how gorgeous his voice really is. His little power vocal moment toward the end? Ugh! So good! I’m gonna keep saying how happy I am that they got to work together because of this show.

“I feel that this bundle here is trembling” – I’m going to be so sad not to see this sweet kid after the show ends! TnT

1v1 performance results

Nooo! I know what’s about to happen – I’m not ready for the angst!

Poor Jun looking so nervous over there w/o Yanan

I hate this fucking setup so much. I’ve said that I think the way Jony J left the show was probably at least partially prompted by the production staff. Knowing that Jun was given options after Yanan left and that, for all his extraness, Jun is super shy, I have a hard time believing the production staff didn’t go, “So you don’t want to be in the running anymore and ~play by the rules~? Okay, so how about we make it look like there’s gonna be an elimination then you come out and dramatically withdraw? Wouldn’t that be awesome!” Jun’s never been my favorite because his playfulness can come of really childish to me, but I highly doubt he would put Minghao this scenario again for funsies.

Having seen translations of this weeks ago when the episode aired, I was not prepared to tear up. It hurts to see Hao so freaked out again and try to pull Jun back bodily. And seeing the distress on Jiacheng’s face as he says “no!” at him, my breath caught in my throat. Ugh! I’m seriously starting to cry watching JC panic more as Jun compliments them all. X(

Oh god that whole bit after the interview section was… weird. It’s pretty obvious the way Eric & Jiacheng are smiling in the background that things were cleared up. But that audience reaction… It’s so cold? This weird sort of idea that idols “betray” their fans is something I’ll never understand in kpop. (This is taking into account all the chaos that happened because of Jun’s decision, not just what made the edit.) Disappointment I get, but there’s no compassion for the grace he displayed in a shitty situation or relief that he’s going to continue performing. This whole situation was made so much worse being in front of a live audience.

The interviews after Jun’s reveal are so sweet, but why does it feel like a memorial? It’s just shy of saying “in loving memory of Wen Junhui”

Top 3 ranking performances

I love when the show has to blur someone’s phone because it’s not the sponsor phone – it’s usually Samuel, but this time Eric’s the culprit

And there’s the performance order ceremony

Minghao, Victor & Lian Pieru (pipa) are up first

Interesting thoughts about the Mechanical Era – it seems like Peiru’s a good match for Hao

So the interview thing is the only lead up we get? I don’t want to episode to be 3 hours, but they’ve got such an interesting story they want to tell and Peiru seems like such a character, I was really looking forward to the preparations – now I do actually feel a little cheated

Overall thoughts: I may have actually liked this performance better than In My Feelings. It wasn’t as entertaining, but it was a cool concept that was executed really well. I’ve gotta say before I go on though, I’ve seen people complain about the editing of other performances, but this is the first one that’s been distracting to me throughout. :/ If I didn’t know before going in that Victor was supposed to be the narrator, I don’t think I would’ve gotten that. The harsh stage whisper sort of effect in the beginning comes off kind of judgmental and, well, harsh where I was expecting more of an impartial observer style narrator. I wish his character had either done less interacting (to be an observer) or done more (to show his investment in the storyline and justify the judginess). It was a nice change of pace to see him being subdued while Hao was the higher energy partner. Hao’s rap in both performances this episode was great. They felt more natural and less stylized, which I really dig. He also showed his vocals more here than I think he really has in a while. At least it was more impactful than past performance. I would love to see a purely vocal song from him – no rap, light choreo – because he does really interesting things with his voice and we don’t get enough of it. [I just got a flash of him singing w/ Susu O.O] The choreo was impressive even if the edit made it hard to get the full effect. The end was great with the angry faces and the final little trill of the pipa.

It weirdly warms my heart to see them acknowledge they’ve been kind of at odds in their partnership up til now

Eric, Jiacheng & Lian Peiru (pipa) perform second

Uh, does Jiacheng’s overcoat have Donald Duck smack in the middle of a traditional tapestry?!

Not gonna gush about the VCR, but these two are so damn cute

We don’t even get an interview lead-in for them?! >.<

Ooh, pop-style pipa is really cool…

Somebody put Xiao Wu in a musical please - even my theatre-hating ass would pay to see that

Aw, Liron Man reacting to them uwu

Overall thoughts: I really enjoyed that. It was soft and sweet, and of course their voices are amazing. The set design was really pretty with all the florals. For some reason, thought, for most of the song Eric seemed strangely pulled back? Maybe it was because Xiao Wu was still on a high from the previous performance and the pipa is so distinct, but his parts just got overpowered to my ear. It was still beautiful.

Huh, Samuel really hasn’t gotten much screentime in this episode, even for reactions

Zhennan, Samuel & Wangtao (clarinet) are up third

Maybe it’s because he’s a good bit older, but I really appreciate the way Wangtao talks about Zhennan here – at least I assume he’s referring to Zhennan since Samuel seems pretty cool with being a kid – it doesn’t soften me to him, but it’s a needed reminder that his bravado may be more façade than arrogance – still find it annoying though *shrug*

Anyone else have to look up what an elaphure is? – it’s a Père David’s deer

Excuse me, mister clarinet man, don’t make me start thinking clarinets are sexy – I’ve already resigned myself to the fact that I’m probably gonna look up your music but that’s just taking it too far!

Overall thoughts: For anyone who thinks I’m just going to shit all over this because it’s Zhennan and Samuel, you’re wrong. I actually kind of dug that. It’s not really my bag, but I don’t dislike it at all. First off, the stage design is impressive with that cube setup. It’s really interesting having Wangtao on top of it (but also, get off the tall thing!). I would love to see a fixed cam of the performance to get the full effect. I really liked Zhennan’s solo in ep. 2, so seeing him go back to that sleepy, almost lazy delivery style is really nice. I’ve complained about him leaning too hard into his imagery (or did I cut that bit because I was being an ass?), but it was used beautifully here. Samuel really impressed me. His rap style still sounds a little like he’s trying to be someone else, but it didn’t sound awkward this time. It’ll be really interesting to see where his style goes as he comes into his own. And these are his best lyrics yet. Yes, I snorted at the LeBron reference in the otherwise whimsical song, but I really liked the honestly and depth. The dance break was beautiful and a nice escape from the more stock mainstream choreo Samuel’s been showing us. He does hip hop well, but I’m glad he gave us something more contemporary here and showed off his range. If I have a complaint it’s that Samuel’s voice gets lost in the “I don’t want” bits. I wish they’d at least brought him forward so you hear him more, or better yet, given him something a little more ornate to weave around Zhennan’s more drudging sound. His little vocalization before ZN’s final part was a pleasant surprise, and I would’ve liked more of that. They’ve made the best use of the accompanist so far, too. The whole thing was lovely and haunting and understated. Of all their stages, I think this performance has been the most effective in delivering the message they wanted to get across.

Jun & Liron Man (handpans) are up last

Why are the lead-ups getting shorter?! We’re going straight into the performance with no interview or VCR. I get that he’s not eligible for votes anymore, but I still want to see something, man

Total Pure Moods vibes here – fun fact: I wanted that CD so badly that both of my (divorced) parents got it for me for Christmas that year – I was a weird kid

Aw, is he singing along with Jun?! So cute! *heart eyes*

…off the tall thing, please…

Overall thoughts: If you’d told me before this that I would eagerly watch a Jun solo three times in a row, I would’ve laughed in your face. His style just isn’t for me usually. And yet, I watched this three times in a row (I zoned out and just listened to first time, watched the second, and read the lyrics the third). Thank you, Yanan, for picking the handpan. I never would’ve thought the distorted ring of a handpan would complement Jun’s very unique vocal quality as well as it does. This is the most at ease we’ve seen Jun on the show, and I don’t mean relaxed or confident. It didn’t seem at all like he was performing or was “on” but like he was singing for the sheer personal pleasure of it. After his stress in previous episodes, it was so good to see. As for the song itself, I have no fucking clue how to describe it. It reminded me of the weirdest things without really sounding like any of them. I mentioned Pure Moods, but also The Little Mermaid and “What Is Love” – as in the song from A Night at the Roxbury (listen to it, young’uns, and be confused). There were others, but I’ve blanked because that last one was a little too wtf.

“He was definitely enjoying it, really” – you know it’s true when the guest is saying it

Wait, no contestant reactions even?! Why are we getting robbed of the good stuff in this episode, goddamnit!?

Points reveal for the finals

This is for the ranking going into the finale – plus starting points which seems weirdly unnecessary?

Hao & Victor got 66 votes – why so low?

Xiao Wu & Eric got 73 – better but still really low considering the stages & past scores

Zhennan & Samuel got 72 – why so low?!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad my boys are leading, but they all gave incredibly good, polished stages and those scores really don’t seem to reflect that. I mean, they’ve given out 80s before – are the panelists given criteria or is it purely a matter of preference? – the contestants all look a little disappointed with the scores, too

After show nonsense

“passionate teens Zhou Zhennan and Samuel, gentle warriors Wu Jiacheng and Zhou Xingzhe, mood players Xu Minghao and Ma Boqian” – I don’t know why those labels amuse me so much but they do

I’m glad we get to see Samuel & ZN react to the handpans because they were so cute with the other instruments

Damn, Samuel really is a quick learner

Did he mean to play Eric’s song? He’s definitely got a bit of an artist crush on Eric, but that’s adorable if he was trying to play it. And impressive that he did it well enough on something he just learned how to get a sound from that the others recognized it!

My personal rankings

MH & Victor

Jun

Eric & Xiao Wu

Zhennan & Samuel

Usually picking my rankings is super easy. My favorite and least favorite have been leagues away from the others, but I really liked everybody this week :D

And now, another long wait until the subs come out for the finale...

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ualscout · 6 years ago

Text

Captain’s Log: 16 Triggers II

Communication

24-27/09/18

The 16 prompts continued...

9: Recreate the moment after…………..…

Alright, I’m really not proud of myself for this one. I couldn’t think of anything, so I drew a picture of a shattered window from the inside looking out onto a kid with a baseball bat and a look of shock and terror. This is a universal “oh shit” moment, which I think most people can relate to on some degree even if it isn’t baseball. I used the window to frame the kid and put him at the center of attention, and by using the window as a frame I also added focal layers to the sketch.

(The universal feeling when rolling a nat1, or a critical fail)

After I did it I thought of a ton of different ideas though. Like rolling a nat1 in a Dungeons and Dragons game when everything is on the line. Or closing out of a program/having a program crash and realizing you forgot to save. Or saving and forgetting you just saved so you save again. I dunno, I thought of better stuff but didn’t have enough time to go back and fix it because I just didn’t have time. Let’s just say the kid rolled a nat1 or something?

10: Reconfigure a newspaper

Y’all know Brexit? Yeah? Cool.

Anyways, I’ve always been encouraged to be aware of the world by my high school social studies teacher. I get news updates on my phone and all that. I gotta say, the world is depressing. When you’re constantly getting updates on the next mass shooting or stabbing or acid attack or stupid thing politics did, it’s hard to stay positive, but it’s kinda necessary to be aware and look at it with as little emotion as possible. It kinda feels like a ball and chain anchor.

(Pics of the ball and chain hanging from door)

So I represented that feeling by making a literal ball and chain out of newspaper about Brexit. Then, on the chains, I wrote

“Calling the world from isolation, ‘cause right now that’s the ball where we be chained”

from Humility by Gorillaz, which is about Brexit. The biggest project out of the prototypes, definitely. I did the installation first then documented it in my sketchbook.

11: Apologise for a mistake (visually)

This one was really hard because in order to apologize, you need a mistake. By nature, this needs some kind of narrative behind it that you can’t use words for and ideally want in one panel. Some boring ways of doing this could be helping someone up after tripping, or patching up something that broke, or WAIT.

I thought of something better- someone being stabbed through the heart by someone they love while being hugged by said person. Angst central… why didn’t I think of that earlier…?

Anyways, I did something kinda boring…

I made a confession box. I kept the statement vague. People could accept the apology, deny the apology, apologize for something they did and feel bad for, etc. I did it because I wanted to use the cardboard I brought lol. It ended up getting tossed by someone, so… whoops.

12: Record what another student is doing

Someone was passed out at their desk lol. I hope they’re doing alright. They seemed tired and kept sniffling. I just kinda scanned the classroom and saw them, basically taking the easy way out. Didn’t take a picture of them because that would be kinda creepy.

13: Make a path for others to follow

(How can the thread be red if it’s invisible?)

There’s this superstition about everyone having a red thread tied around their pinky that’s connected to someone else’s pinky and that person is their soulmate. You just need to follow the thread, which is harder than it sounds… I wanted to make an animation or something based off of that. It would follow two ends of the string, winding through the city and terrain, and watch the characters pick up and manage the amounts of red string they find along the way. I’d want this to be a music video, ideally to “Little Talks” by Of Monsters and Men or “One Red Thread” by Blind Pilot. I did some sketches in my book- the characters and everything would be simple marker sketches while the only color is the red thread.

… but I ended up displaying a meme option. One of my favorite emotes is OwO and it looks very demonic when you fill in the eyes with darkness. So I drew the emote normally, then blinking, then opening to darkness to the words “We all have demons, and sometimes they win.” This is 100000% a meme and shouldn’t be taken seriously, despite what my tutor thinks… Anyways, the path to follow was the path to your inner demons.

14: Add something extra

Do you guys have chipotle here? Well, guac is always extra. I don’t like guac personally, but it seems like something that can be put into other food things to disgust people. For instance: an ice-cream cone, a pom pom, a snowball, etc. I didn’t really have any good ideas, just that…

15: Making a drawing without touching a pen

… Okay.

(Fountain pen for flare and sarcasm)

I didn’t touch a pen, I did touch a pencil though. I drew a fountain pen and wrote “no” in pen because it was funny. Sometimes it be like that, chief. I think it’s funny because the pen is so carefully drawn and sketched in a pencil style, then you just have “no” there. Again, I just do things to try and be funny.

16: Make a neglected place loved

The first thing that came to mind was a grave made markless after being out and exposed to the elements for so long.

(Like this- creepy and generic)

And that got me thinking about how that’s the last thing holding their physical body to the mortal plane. Their body is there, there is likely evidence of their existence, but no one will ever know for sure. The memory of them and the physicality of their body are completely disconnected. Not to mention these graves are so old they’re likely not visited or cared for in the same way recent graves are, they’re not remembered. I wanted to do something to make them remember…

… but then I decided to just make haunted shit. I like the idea of fixing and renovating even if it takes away some of the personality of the house. I think it’s like a reset, like painting the walls in a rental or getting a tattoo. But what if the house didn’t want to be remembered? What if someone wanted it to stay the same…?

Enter the song “O Green World” by Gorillaz. It sounds like a person washing windows in a slasher film. I like the idea of following an unaware protagonist and following the narrative through the windows, like some of the other pieces I did in the past (see Scene Change: No Story Time and prompt #9). I kinda just drew a basic concept, but it would take place in a haunted house and the characters would interact with the different sets inside.

BONUS: ZINE!!!

I swear to God when the tutors were briefing us on the zine I felt my heart beating with anticipation. I wanted SO. BADLY. To do this. Ideas started racing through my head and I felt my hands jitter as ideas raced through my head. A zine is the perfect way to tell a story and boy do I have stories to tell.

I thought through a bunch of ideas, like doing something about Mothman, explaining the story behind Haakon’s banishment, doing something about The Adventure Zone, but I realized I could tell a cohesive story by just making it like a textbook. I took from the prompt first prompt, recreating and object from my past. Again, not my past.

This is the past of Bo Phadez and Sandman. My first long-term DND character met an elemental golem the first session of the game, shoved a handful of ash into its receptacle, and unfittingly named it Sandman. Sandman went through a whole character arc with Bo during the game, with them nearly getting blown up in the pursuit of an infinite power supply. The Game Master threatened killing him multiple times… but he knew I’d make him regret it. Sandman remains my favorite thing to have come out of my misadventures in DnD yet.

Time was short, so I had to act quick. I wrote the lines as if they were part of an SCP file or a textbook. That way, even if the reader didn’t understand the crazy world the story took place in (jumping from a desert planet to a space opera with nukes and guns in a page with characters pulled out of a Russian version of Lord of the Rings. I used a brush pen to make bold and quick lines.

As I drew, I realized I spent less and less time for each page… I just knew how to make the characters look how I wanted. I know pencil was banned, but I used it for putting down lines, and at some point I just stopped and went with the pen. I had a lot of fun considering the different blocking and ways to compose the screen, as well as making the text fit in the frame. I played with colors a bit, making sure to use them to show how Sandman was changing forms and powers without fully doing it. To make full use of the frames, I cut the paper so I could glue the backs of the pages together so I wouldn’t have to deal with creases while I drew.

Honestly, making this zine gave me an epiphany. I want to draw like this for the rest of my life. I love designing the characters and getting to know their designs well enough to do them quickly and expressively. This certainly wasn’t my best work, but it was the quickest one with the best results and the most pride in my work.

I really wanted to pursue this more.

This was the moment I decided I wanted to specialize in animation.

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In conclusion, I think I make art for reactions. I.e. whenever I had trouble thinking of deep connections that I would actually care about I tried to go for comedy or sarcasm. I don’t know why, but maybe it’s because I’m an entertainer at heart. I really enjoyed doing all these miniprojects. It’s like throwing pasta at the wall and seeing what sticks. This kind of format lets me really stretch my thinking style because I didn’t care too much about making sure the end product was perfect- I just wanted good ideas and had fun with it! Some prompts came slower than others, but I always figured something out.

#log entries #part I: diagnostic #trigger: 16 prompts

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