#︵ 💥🦈 （ 𝘕𝘖𝘛𝘏𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙 𝘚𝘛𝘈𝘠𝘚 𝘋𝘌𝘈𝘋 ） ‎ ╱ hc.

[fishbcnes]

          jinx and his hallucinations & self harm s2

in general i think s2 lacks the depth it originally gave jinx's mental health in s1 but im still gonna look at it

s2 i think we see another attempt. or the starts of attempt as hes letting silco go underwater. he wants so badly to follow him. forcing all her air out so she can drown and follow him faster. staying under the waves until every part of his being is screaming for oxygen and survival instincts force her above the water again. she lives, but is depressed and aimless. she's reckless and impulsive. nothing matters anymore so she shoots whoever she wants and does whatever she wants. this is passive suicide attempts. like walking in front of a car and not caring if it stops or not. she hopes someone catches her a kills her.

after vi and the enforcers gas her and come after her, she finds a new fury a new energy to fight. to kill vi and herself. to finish her family, which is why she fights back against smeech and teams up with sevika.

so she sets up the plan to be for her to die in the fight and then reroute the gas back to piltover as her final plan. but of course, isha stops this by interrupting vi right before she lands the killing blow.

after this we see jinx looking after and playing wish isha, while isha is going out and trying to take up the role of "jinx" for her. because she's given up. "jinx" died in that fight because that was what she planned for. he most likely just stays in his hideout with isha from this point on, cultivating their bond. isha becomes all the matters to her.

a start of an episode is triggered when sevika brings up silco and starts trying to guilt him into becoming a symbol. this when she goes to talk to silco. but he never appears.

jinx talks aloud hoping that he'd talk back, even a hallucination. but he never turns up. these two stressors build up and break when isha is taken.

only NOW does silco's hallucination turn up among the others and the specific audio lines we hear are mostly from the party scene. this is an episode triggered by guilt. feeling responsible for isha possibly getting hurt or even getting killed. feeling guilty for not wanting to fight anymore when silco gave so much to keep her alive. to her, its the exact same as when she shot him. only does physical pressure on her eyes take her out of it. but the energy is transferred to her shimmer. ( i think on my blog it probably took more extreme measures to get her out of this headspace, similar to the first episode we see with powder eg, head punching ).

to save isha and the other zaunites, he reembraces the jinx persona, only to meet someone who immediately challenges this again. i think this plants seeds of doubt that fester.

jinx's next attempt is fighting against warwick. they hear this huge thing coming to fight and see it turn an enforcer into nothing but a blood stain as well as barely react to her hextech gun and jinx thinks "well im going to lose but i may as well distract it so that sevika can get isha out of here".

she fights until she can't anymore and then tries to go out via a chomper. the same way she tried to before with ekko. but warwick/vander stops her. and right then she realizes that she might be able to fix everything. vander was alive. and so, her new reason to live is both isha and helping vander, trying to rebuild the family she ruined before. this is why he goes straight to vi, having heard that she might be in the zaun fighting pits, she easily follows her. seeing her drinking habits and that she's taking out her anger in fighting, she isn't fully surprised, but feels sad and empathetic. another part of her is glad that whatever happened, happened though because caitlyn clearly isn't in the picture anymore.

there's another passive attempt or an acceptance when vi is choking jinx out. he doesn't fight in this encounter because he's coming to talk, coming to try and establish peace to help vander. but, she'd be fine if vi killed her right then and there. we can also see how vi cares little for jinx's mental health now. calling them as tricks and bullshit in comparison to how understanding she had been in s1 on the rooftop. later in the mines, vi also calls them fantasies and calls jinx delusional. im sure some of this is from her time spent in piltover and picking up on the ableist nature up there.

we see the second time the vi calls her delusional, it triggers something. originally not wanting to fight, but now feeling like she had to defend herself. because to her, they're very real and she often times can't tell between reality and mental health episode. it hurts to hear vi diminish this and so, she bites back. only for vi to follow with more ableist language with "psycho" to which jinx is exasperated that vi wants to fight right now. jinx then starts echoing what she's heard people say about her, calling her a hero. she's performing what people think of her for vi. trying to impress her. of course, the fight only gets worse, vi pulling on his hair until isha gets caught in the crossfire. fighting vi isn't important to her like isha is. finding silco's jacket down there is both grounding and triggering at once somehow. i think part of vi and jinx's future reconciliation stems from vi protecting isha from warwick. as well as vi trusting jinx about warwick/vander.

in the commune, jinx is the most stable we've seen her in awhile. vi even asking for her input on decisions. its also a huge deal for her when vi asks her to keep an eye on caitlyn, showing to jinx that vi trusts and cares about her more. of course, this all goes awry when viktor dies, losing vander again. trying to calm him down, she gets hurt and flung away which im sure would start something by itself but then right after this, isha grabs his gun and dives in.

jinx was going to go in after them but vi forcibly holds him back. losing isha was the final straw. she breaks. all energy and all fight is drained from her and she feels empty in a way she never felt before. he thought the pit couldn't get any deeper after silco's death but she was wrong. while mania/hypermania is his normal trigger response, instead we see an extreme depression. jinx surrenders. she is a jinx and a curse. theres nothing to fight for anymore.

she refuses to eat and drink as we see when caitlyn visits. intending to rot away in the cell. knowing it's caitlyn through the bars she, as directly as she can, asks her to kill her. we also see jinx's skin picking habit. making herself bleed, before seeing similar patterning on all her other fingers too. jinx has been sat in this cell harming herself in anyway they can without having the energy to formulate a real plan to die let alone execute it. "there are no happy endings" he says because any time he's gotten close, he ruined it somehow and the people he loved died. the very core of his being can't believe in happiness anymore. something is always destined to go wrong.

starved, cold, hurting. her hallucinations are at their worse. they feel real. (this is my excuse for why these hallucinations arent stylized like they always have been). she simply tells him to go away and that he's too late. there's not energy for them to feed into and she's given up. she keeps picking at herself while he's talking here. either trying to make the hallucination go away since pain had always helped (perhaps she had thought caitlyn before was one too) or it just being a habit now. he convinces her to leave. just in time for vi to turn up. he barely reacts to her sister. only moving to get what she wants, the keys, so she can get away to kill herself.

jinx cuts his hair, only out of necessity. he's lethargic, and silco isn't there to help her tie it up, so she cuts it off. a form of mental self harm as well in a way, destroying a huge part of her identity and forcing her to leave it behind. she burns down the last drop. one of the last places she felt safe. i think she tried to burn herself in the flames based on the shots of her in there and was unsuccesful, forcing her into another plan. making it back to her hideout to grab a monkey bomb, similar to what killed vander, mylo and claggor.

of course, then ekko turns up to try and stop her. the only thing that changes is when he says he doesn't want to blow up.

so, jinx jumps instead, not wanting to hurt ekko too. only then is he able to find the right words. ekko implying some kind of hope, and seeing the monkey on his z-drive, something she can only presume is good if ekko has it. i think she still doesn't have any hope. i think the final battle is more for ekko than for her. the whole time she's hoping she can die during a fight. thats why she uses her hideout as a ship. she'd got nothing left to loose. its the same as when she started playing into being a symbol, she's doing it again for everyone else. and damn is she a good performer.

i think as soon as vander swings at vi and jinx after they've crashed, jinx realizes he's gone for good. there's something in her expression that says it idk.

and then we get to her "sacrifice". i put it in quotes firstly; bc you cant establish a character as being suicidal (she literally brings her tool to do it with her to battle) and then in the next scene have them die and pretend it wasn't motivated by the want to end it all and secondly; riot loves jinx too much as a character she makes too much money to fully commit to killing her.

but anyway. she gives up on vander so fast bc she knew at the start of the battle he wasnt in there. its also a representation of her giving up on herself most likely, telling vi to get away and save herself rather than sticking around to try and help.

jinx is not letting anyone else die because of her, and so, she takes him out with her.

[fishbcnes]

i really just feel like they introduced isha to have a reason to push jinx over the edge . . . even tho she has already attempted at least once ( on the bridge with ekko) and maybe twice ( almost drowning herself with silco's body ) by the time we meet isha. her next attempt then kind of again in the fight against vi & caitlyn, her plan was to die in there . . . like you've already established thats shes trying to die !! i think losing vander again wouldve been enough w/o introducing a new character just to die bc it was more than losing vander again !! she started feeling hopeful in that community with vi alongside her!! she was starting to open herself up to vi again as well as others like viktor. losing vander wouldve been a representation of losing the hope that tied to that community !! that she really is a curse and anyone that gets close to her dies !!!

[fishbcnes]

silco's death drabble / meta;

after the missile was launched, jinx had trudged back inside, fish bones thrown to the floor, curling herself into silco's lap like she always did when she needed him, moving his limp hands around her form. he doesn't know how long he was there, cuddling him as he grew colder, ice cold. talking to him, like if he said enough words into the silence they would somehow breath him back to life. she needed him. she needs him. the glue to hold all her broken pieces together. her last root to reality. without him, she would float away forever. she could already feel it happening in the miserable silence of that building that had taken everything from her. she blamed vi and caitlyn for it. in her brain, they pulled the trigger. the voices went from being so loud they were deafening to utter silence and he doesn't know which is worse.

jinx stayed there longer than she should. until the body smelled. "jeez silco, you need a bath. been working too hard you forgot!" only then did she slink from his lap, carrying him in her arms as he had done to her plenty of times, when she was sick or hurt (or half blown up). she took him to the river. submerging him. maybe wishing that a new man would emerge like he had said last time they were here. and alive man who could still take care of her. but no. she followed him under.

and down they went. jinx held on as long as she could. but he got too heavy and she had to let go. she still stayed under until her vision was black in the edges and her lungs screamed in agony, just to make sure he didnt come back up for her, to rescue her.

i think my jinx specifically kept his coat. wearing that instead of a random cloak. she needs something to fill the empty space in her bed. needs his smell for at least a little bit longer. needs him a little bit longer.

[fishbcnes]

          jinx and his hallucinations & self harm s1

i think jinx even as a kid had hallucinations. as powder, they were more friendly/neutral leaning and tended to be described as imaginary friends. symptoms got worse with things like hunger or cold and loneliness/quiet and they'd become angry at powder and overwhelm her sometimes. vi grew up with this and learned tactics to help calm him down and ground her.

i see this in the scene where jinx asks vi if she's real and vi just calmly responds, same with when jinx responds to something that they can't see unlike caitlyn who has a more 'normal' reaction to someone who hasn't been exposed to these kinds of symptoms/illness before.

after the bridge and the trauma of those fights and seeing their parents dead, they stayed in a more angry state. and shifted from strangers to her parents. they both grew up a bit and vi started spending more time away from powder, which forced her to learn her own grounding techniques, which is where self harm starts to come in. scratching skin, picking skin, holding sharp things really hard, nails digging into hands, breaking things, slamming hands on head, or even slamming head into wall. these were all things he tried to get the voices to be quiet. sometimes they did, sometimes he wore himself out until he passed out and they'd be quiet then. she also figured out that really loud music helped, same with tinkering, having something intense with small details to focus on. loud music wasn't really allowed, so tinkering it was.

we see powder suffer an episode after being left behind. and yknow the rest is history. after being picked up by silco, the hallucinations became only hostile. very rarely would there be comfort in them. mother, father, vander, mylo, claggor and vi all haunted her. and silco was his only saving grace from them for a long time.

self harm became a habit as well as a grounding technique. it would get worse if she ever perceived any kind of distance or coldness from silco towards her. he was all she had and so anything that could be him leaving or pulling away triggered episodes. even just him saying he was busy that day and couldn't spend time with her. it was a tense situation on both ends. i think as he learned this, he got better with his words though and knowing how to distract her so that she wouldn't get triggered. it becomes few and far between, self harm subsiding for awhile.

that is until canon event as we see her get triggered when silco tasks sevika over her to do something. we see her progressively get worse as she uncovers that vi is alive and that vi still left her for an enforcer of all people. taking it out on silco.

we see when she gets hurt during the fight with the firelights that she uses a staple gun to put her skin back together. which would cause more damage from the force of the impact into the skin as staple guns are normally meant for building. but we can also see the relief (or maybe more so ecstasy) in her that follows with the pain, able to think afterwards. hallucinations fading after this act of self harm.

then we get to the bridge fight with ekko. she tries to kill herself. vi is gone and she's finished the weapon by this point (just needed the hex crystal which she has already stolen from them) and ekko clearly wants her dead. why not do the world a favor and do it herself? i think this is her first major attempt. its impulsive and done without plan besides a 'i need this to be over, im going out on my terms'.

she lives, as silco forces it with help from singed and shimmer. but hes past his breaking point at this point. hallucinations are rampant and caitlyn has joined them and she cant bring herself to think through the fog of noise. there is no sense or reasoning here, with her senses so heightened from shimmer, its overwhelming. hearing that silco might betray her... the last person left... who she thought loved her as she was entirely and would never leave her... so she throws a party for everyone.

all of this energy in her heightened emotional states explodes out into silco very literally as vi and silco had both tried to use her hallucinations to manipulate him and get the reaction they wanted.

you can try to say that vi wanted to help, and im sure she thought she was but in the scene you can see the amount of distress its causing jinx. she even ask vi to stop.

you see silco panicking, partly because he knows what vi is doing and partly because he knows that shes being triggered. i think a part of silco wants vi to die so she cant torment jinx like this, the other part is just wanting complete control over jinx without any obstacles.

vi shouting and triggering her like this is part why jinx blames vi and caitlyn for his death. the rest is just her unable to cope with the idea that she killed him over nothing.

[fishbcnes]

man jinx's design in the last episode is so good i wish it wasn't a representation of her forcing herself to come to this fight and perform as jinx again even though shes given up on herself and all her connections and she's basically only doing it as a favor for ekko

[fishbcnes]

DOSSIER CHEAT SHEET

LEGAL NAME :     powder jinx NICKNAME :     pow-pow, the loose canon, the demolition diva DATE OF BIRTH :     october 10th GENDER :      genderfluid PLACE OF BIRTH :      zaun CURRENTLY LIVING :      zaun SPOKEN LANGUAGES :      common/standard, zaun sign language, basic piltover sign language EDUCATION :     basics, street smarts HAIR COLOUR :     blue EYE COLOUR :      reflective pink HEIGHT :      5'3"

FAMILY INFORMATION

SIBLING[S] :      vi ( older sister ), claggor ( older brother figure, deceased ), mylo ( older brother figure, deceased ), isha ( younger sibling figure, deceased ) PARENT[S] :      connol ( decased ), vander / warwick ( father figure, deceased-ish ), silco ( father figure, deceased ) CHILDREN :      none PET[S] :      fish bones!

RELATIONSHIP INFORMATION

SEXUAL ORIENTATION :      queer ( pref for masc presenting ) RELATIONSHIP STATUS :      verse dependent !!

          tagged by: @vielets & @gettnup <33 tysm!!!!

[fishbcnes]

sign language hc / meta

          when it comes to sign language, it mainly evolved from the streets of zaun. that's where there wasn't access to healthcare such as hearing aids or surgery's unlike there was in piltover. i can see being deaf originally as being something to fix and hide in piltover in order to keep up appearances and just kinda the way that you are in zaun. ( i'm mainly incorporating deaf history here, i dont really care if it actually makes sense for piltover or not lmao )

          that being said, sign did start to show up in the higher classes too, but over time it become somewhat different than zaun sign language. zsl wouldnt have words for certain things that psl wouldve needed. that, and im sure a lot of signs about piltover, such as enforcers or even just "piltover" had rude connotations / were insults so they were changed when it moved to the city. so while a deaf person from zaun could understand a deaf person from piltover or vice versa, it would take some getting used to and there would still be some confusion that would be eliminated via context clues.

          that being said, it's still very uncommon to met someone who speaks sign unless they themselves are deaf or have a family member who are. jinx had some minor hearing loss after the fight on the bridge due to being close enough to hear all the guns, but it wasn't noticeable until after the first explosion in piltover, and it got worse with the warehouse one . . . and every explosion he made following that.

          for learning to sign, im torn between her picking it up in the last drop with some deaf customers, or silco, having to find someone else who was suffering hearing issues to teach her because of a mix of caring / wanting to learn but also getting frustrated with not being heard. im sure singed made jinx some hearing aids at some point or they got some from someone else who was making them for zaunites, but she definitely doesn't use them alot mainly due to stubbornness.

[fishbcnes]

          @murdermelody           what non-sexual act of foreplay most turns them on ??

          any sexual encounter that jinx has tends to be feverish, " in the moment " and impulsive, there's not really enough care or time to do foreplay. but, in a better scenario - groping and ropeplay would definitely be high up there. even gunplay or general weaponplay. hang her from the ceiling and threaten her with a gun !! that works on the domming side too, of tying his partner up. they're also into shaming / embarrassing their partner mostly if it gets the partner worked up because they find it funny

          for a less kinky alternative, also being intimate and close with people can turn him on, like showering together or naked cuddles.