#ㅤ* ╱ 조진달래. ━━━━ JINYOUNG.

[jindallaebe]

* 𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐌𝐒,  진달래  →  진영  //

while jindallae knows his fondness for jung joomi remains triumphant, there’s a part of him that deeply resents him. it’s been awhile since they had that talk outside of the stage door, but even now, months later, he still catches himself thinking over the words that were said to him—each analytical syllable living rent-free in his mind, as they say. it’s completely fucked his game up, and he hates admitting that to himself, but it’s true. now, whenever he’s interested in someone and his main goal is to take them home for a night, he gets too lost in his thoughts to make any compelling moves; his usual tactics dulling from their sharpness and precision. in the past, he never put too much thought into his casual, late-night trysts, but now he finds him questioning what his motives are, and what he wants the end result to be, and how his past ways have clearly created nothing but problems for him. a ( chaotic ) part of him thought that starting fires was fun; that lighting someone ablaze like that brought out a potent, raging passion in them that he ate up like spoonfuls of sugar. nowadays, though, he’s realizing that, while it was once enjoyable for him to see a person’s dark side like that, it was never, ever “fun” or “enjoyable” for them.

tonight, he’s alone, and that’s never been comfortable for him. his thoughts often veer into grim territory, and while he’s fine with exploring the murky side of his mind, lately, all he’s been able to think about are the people he’s hurt, and as of right now, all he can picture is moon jinyoung’s face, specifically the contorted, pained expression that colored it during their last meeting. jindallae can still hear the strained tone of jinyoung’s voice when he spat out a ( well-deserved ) “fuck you” towards him, too, and honestly speaking, he’s feeling bad about it. he took things way too far, and according to his brother, he needs to learn when to rein things back; when to think before he speaks. that’s always felt impossible to him, but he knows that, if he truly wants to prove that he’s genuinely not the fire-breathing dragon in this fairytale, he’s gotta learn better restraint; gotta learn to approach heated, touchy situations with logic instead of unadulterated, impulsive, blazing emotions.

trading his ps5 controller for his phone, he brings up his and jinyoung’s old conversation thread, and deciding to be a bigger person for once, he sends him something—wondering if it’ll even go through, or if he’s been blocked.

[ 01시 12분 ]  yo [ 01시 12분 ]  sorry this is coming at you late [ 01시 13분 ]  i was wonderin if we could talk?

[jindallaebe]

maybe it's corny of him to acknowledge this, but jindallae thinks that he's done a lot of growing over the last year. a lot's happened, and while not every moment has been comfortable, the discomfort he's endured has forced him to undergo a lot of changes.

there's nothing more humbling than being told the truth, even if it's in the form of a hard pill to swallow. he's had many difficult conversations; he's fucked up, but has done his best to apologize for his wrongdoings; he's learned to be more aware of his impulsive mouth and the damage it does to people. he's still not perfect, he's definitely a work-in-progress, but overall, jindallae's learning to be more mindful. apart of practicing this, to him, is striving to make amends with those he's hurt, so naturally, he offered jinyoung a peace offering, and luckily for jindallae, jinyoung chose to accept it.

at one point, he was rather fond of the younger male. they had spent quite a few nights in one another's company. however, during those moments, their bodies became more acquainted than their hearts did. they preferred it that way, and jin respected that. though, it all came crashing down the one time he chose to believe that jinyoung was actually his friend, as opposed to merely a "friend-with-benefits." he never knew that approaching him at the club that night would set him off so badly, but ever since that night, he's had it out for him.

it's not been easy for him to accept that he was also in the wrong for reacting how he did back then, but nowadays, he understands that his need to strike someone back ten times harder than they struck him can be inexplicably dangerous. he should've never spoke to jinyoung how he did, but he hopes that landing him a job at the restaurant will be the start of a new phase of their relationship. jindallae knows he has to earn his trust all over again—if he even had it in the first place, that is—and he's willing to put in the work to show that he's genuinely remorseful for his actions.

though, despite going toward this with a relatively positive attitude, when he locks eyes with jinyoung from across the way, it's somehow still unsettling to him. their gazes are intense, but instead of ignoring the tension, jindallae decides to make an approach; taking a break from his side-work only to beeline directly over to him.

"yo," he begins, nodding his head once. "it's pretty slow. are you hungry?" his question is straight to the point. he wants to test the waters first before trying to get too chummy. "i can whip something up for you, if you are. it's on the house, so... whenever you're ready to eat, just let me know what you want. if it's not on the menu, i can try my best to wing something for you, too."

can't we just leave the monster alive?

@jindallaebe

his whole body aches. he doesn't feel it too much when he's moving, still on his feet and active even on his 'day off', but as jinyoung takes a moment for a breather, to take inventory of himself and check-in on his physical wellbeing, he realizes how bone-tired he is. adjusting to a new schedule has not been easy in the slightest. it's not like he isn't used to hard work—his previous lifetime spent in a practice room wrangling children and toddlers and trying to keep them on-task prepared him for a lot—but he's never had so many consecutive days where he's on his feet for so long. it wears on the body, that's for sure.

it's not even like jinyoung can take a break on sundays; the trainee pay is too meager for anyone to survive off of and he can't leave sooyoung to cover the entire rent alone. no, he needs this job, even if he was wary of taking it in the first place. he braces his palms on an unused countertop, leaning forward to take some of the pressure off of his back and legs, and glances over at the kitchen staff next to him. he only has a short break before he has to head back out to the front to greet and seat tables of guests. he can't help but let his eyes slide over to the supposed source of his apprehensions here; cho jindallae. he offered jinyoung the job, supposedly a nice gesture, but jinyoung keeps waiting for the other shoe to fall.

something about the other man still makes his skin crawl. he can't shake off words said in anger, even if jindallae tried to apologize for it later. that doesn't matter, not to jinyoung. if he felt brave enough to say it once, then it must be the truth. what's the saying? when people tell you who you are, believe them? jinyoung certainly tries to live by that. but when actions and words contradict one another, when the man who spit venom at him so viciously also offered to help him out with a job and food on the table, jinyoung doesn't know what to feel. perhaps it's the uncertainty of it all that still puts him on edge. he never knows which jindallae he's going to get that day, that hour.

thank god that their paths don't actually cross all that much despite working for the same business. if jinyoung was part of the back of the house and answering to jindallae, he's pretty sure that he wouldn't have lasted this long at this place. someone was bound to lose their temper eventually.

perhaps he stared at the staff too long, zoned out and not really paying attention. when he processes what his eyes are doing again, he realized that they're locked with the very man he feels such hatred and uncertainty about. jinyoung doesn't look away, not one to be intimidated into averting his eyes. but he doesn't really mean to invite the man over for a conversation. he really doesn't have anything to say.

[jindallaebe]

[  🥀  ]  𝖈𝖎𝖓𝖓𝖆𝖒𝖔𝖓 𝖎𝖓 𝖒𝖞 𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖙𝖍.

𝖆𝖓 𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖎𝖘𝖈𝖑𝖔𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖇𝖆𝖗 𝖎𝖓 𝖍𝖔𝖓𝖌𝖉𝖆𝖊  /  20220813. 𝖙𝖑𝖉𝖗 /  JIN IS BOLD; SENDS JINYOUNG A DRINK.

having clocked out of his shift an hour and a half early due to it being a painfully slow night, jindallae finds his rightful place at one of his favorite spots in hongdae. he’s tucked into the very corner of the bar; eyes roaming about the dark atmosphere to take in the sight of everyone present. he’s used to making himself feel right at home here as it’s a venue that his band plays at pretty often, and at this point, they don’t even charge him for drinks anymore. it’s a pretty sweet deal; one that he exploits more than he should, but hey — if they’re willing to provide, why would ( or should ) he say no ?? he wouldn’t want to be rude, so as he’s handed his second shot of the night, he raises it up to the bartender; showing appreciation before throwing it back with no hesitance. licking his lips, he continues his ocular voyage through the crowd before him — trying to pinpoint someone he knows, or wouldn’t mind getting to know, and much to his delight, it doesn’t take him long before settling on someone. to him, it’s an unfamiliar face, a handsome one at that, and he’s definitely interested.

so, without much thought, he calls the mixologist back over to him; instructing him to send a shot over to the guy at the opposite end of the bar. he’s given a wink in response, and from that point on, he watches as the soju is poured gently into a glass, then hand-delivered to his target — hitting him right on the bullseye, as intended. then, his partner-in-crime informs the other of who sent the sporadic gift, and the instant jindallae meets the stranger’s eyes, there’s a spark ( for him, anyway ) and he unveils a sinfully warm smile; his coaxing gaze prominent before he stands tall from his seat. however, instead of heading towards the fire he just started, he retreats from it — beelining for the opposite direction to find a wall in the back to lean on.

it’s there where he’ll perch himself and wait.

he hopes that his gesture is enough to get his conquest for the evening to follow him, but if it isn’t, then he’d just have to try a little harder next time. though, and maybe this makes him a bit overconfident to admit, but he’s glad to say that his success with this tactic is quite high. people love a mystery, after all, and well, he’s happy to nurture that curiosity in them, especially if he gets something out of it in the end.

[jindallaebe]

jindallae can admit that he’s a flawed individual. his relationship track record keeps him well-informed of that fact, as well as the constant ribbing his family gives to him. throughout his entire life, he’s been painted in hues of malice and destruction. his aggressiveness, brutal honesty, and sharp tongue have gotten him into trouble plenty of times, but what he believes people fail to see are the reasons why he acts how he does. as a kid, he’d cave a dude’s skull in, but only because said “dude” would be tormenting mindeulle. he’d pipe up and holler at his teachers, but only if he felt he was being misunderstood or backed into a corner. he would talk back to his parents when he thought they were treating him unfairly. it isn’t as if he’s nonchalantly starting fires wherever he goes—at least in his opinion. to him, there’s always a reason behind his actions. whether other people understand said reason or not is on them, but to him, they all make perfect sense. take his tiff with jinyoung, for example.

in his mind, he was merely approaching a friend to say ‘hey’ and ask if his messages were received; something completely innocent. however, what he was met with were acidic words, gross expressions, and ice cold rejection; a combination that stung him. it didn’t help that he was buzzed, and after a certain point, alcohol makes him ultra sensitive, but he hated feeling as though his presence alone pissed jinyoung off enough for him to breathe fire in his direction—for him to wave him off as someone unimportant, or obnoxious; like he was swatting away a mosquito on a hot summer day. after the rapport they built in the bedroom, it felt like a real slap to the face.

in retrospect, jindallae knows his impulsive retaliation took things way too far, and after talking to mindeulle about it, he realizes that he should at least try and apologize for his error. while he isn’t expecting jinyoung to accept it, or even hear him out, he finds it important to be candid with him. so, when his phone chimes and he reads each response, he exhales a heavy sigh; asking the divine powers above for patience.

[ 01시 22분 ]  look jinyoung, i don’t wanna take up too much time [ 01시 22분 ]  you caught me off-guard at the club and i overreacted [ 01시 22분 ]  i shouldn’t have said what i said and i’m sorry [ 01시 23분 ]  all i was tryin to do was say hey—honestly [ 01시 23분 ]  wasn’t cool of me to go for the jugular like that

his next performance will be his last; the finale of the show he’s spent the last several weeks of his life on is no longer looming in the distance but rather just before him. moon jinyoung should be excited. he’s loved the stage from a young age and he’s certainly not afraid of it now. no, his fear stems from an uncharacteristic lack of confidence. he’s never been the top performer any of the last several weeks. his ranks have been so up and down he has no idea if he’ll make the cut that the judges are looking for. his dream is so close, his fingertips literally grazing the surface, but he can’t grasp it just yet. and that terrifies him. in a matter of days it could all be ripped away from him. so he does everything in his power to make sure that isn’t his reality. throwing himself into practice is his way of taking control of his fate.

when his phone buzzes, he initially assumes it’s going to be his sister nagging him to get some rest. when he glances at the screen he is not greeted by his sister’s familiar contact name but rather one that he’d secretly hoped he’d never see again. jindallae. jinyoung’s jaw clenches in apprehension without even opening the message just yet. he doesn’t want to do this here, not now, not when there’s so much on the line and one more distraction will surely be the end of him. with a forced smile he excuses himself from the practice room, making a beeline for the men’s restroom. there’s no cameras there, no need to hide away whatever ugly emotions will surely make their way onto his face.

can we talk? jinyoung nearly scoffs aloud. is jindallae only feeling remorseful because he’s having trouble getting his dick wet? i suppose that’s all i’m good for, jinyoung scowls at his own thought; the words would be drenched in sarcasm had he spoke them aloud. he realizes that he doesn’t have to respond to this. but there’s an anger in him that won’t be sated by being the bigger person and simply ignoring the cause of the issue. no, he can’t help but feel like this was a planned attack; there’s not a soul in korea who hasn’t heard of next gen with how heavily mnet was promoting it. did jindallae catch a glimpse of jinyoung on tv? is he so determined to ruin jinyoung’s life that he would choose now of all times to text him again for the first time in months? it’s all a bit too coincidental. jinyoung’s tapping furiously away into his phone before he can even think twice.

[ msg to: sonofabitch ] fuck off [ msg to: sonofabitch ] i thought i told you to lose my number