#『 ʏᴇᴀʜ? ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ꜱᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴀʟ ᴀꜱ ᴀ ʀᴀɪꜱᴏɴ. 』 - isms.

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how long do you think five sat among the wreckage of the academy with the bodies of his siblings, trying to understand. like yeah we know five was still really smart and ~mature, at age thirteen. but the absolute vulnerability on him when he’s walking around the broken building and the debris. he was a tiny tiny kid then and i can bet you my arm that reginald has never once hugged one of these children in their thirteen years up to then. these kids probably don’t know how to cry, there’s no way of processing these emotions besides internalizing. they were taught to tough everything out, so you just kind of see him curl in on himself, and then force himself to keep going. it’s super easy to read these scenes as the five we’re used to, but he was literally thirteen years old when he saw his whole family die. there’s no guidance at all, just him for fourty five years alone.       

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something something  "you know, some say the best luck is to die at the right time.” so, an endgame with five dying but his family is ok, and that’s not bad-- that’s pretty close to best case scenario. he’s lived for a long time and it’s all been for this and it’s worth it u know. would just like it if someone held onto him while it happened. 

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♡･ﾟ: *  YOUR MIND IS A GARDEN - WHERE CAN YOU BE FOUND?

BY THE OVERGROWN GATE; you are at the entrance. one foot on the concrete road just outside, the other on the stepping stones leading further in. are you waiting for someone? is there anything stopping you from closing the gate? hesitation often interlinks with discomfort. the mind is a complex space, but it is yours to occupy and make sense of. no matter the state of your personal garden, it trusts you - learn to do the same. step by step, each foot on a steppingstone, make your way through and create a space that comforts you.

tagged by: @dvostiia​​  ty again mwah <3       tagging:  all of u qts...

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-  what  type  of  literary  melancholy  are  you ?

ANSWER:   hellenistic  melancholy -  your melancholy is poetry steeped in the narratives of the ancient classical world. you identify greatly with νόστος ('nostos'), the greek term for yearning for home. you look upon the world through a lens of hopeful melancholy, not a despondent one, and you see beauty in all things.

tagged   by  :  @dvostiia​ ty! <3 tagging  :  oh god who didn’t get tagged please take it i love you

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i think that... maybe five is coming to terms with with some things he would prefer not to look at. one, that he can say he never liked killing for the commission--and he says this quite a few times, like it’s a point he has to make. and i think that mostly, he doesn’t, or he would like to believe he doesn’t. he’s tired, exhausted from it, understandably, in a lot of ways. but just like what he had to do in the apocalypse, this is a part of him now, whether he likes it or not. you know, something something spare me your little assassin with a heart of gold routine, this would make him what the handler says he is. after you’ve viewed the world through the lens of survival in ruin, and then through working in corrections--where you do know the exact significance and insignificance of people and events... five had to be impersonal to survive, but i can’t really personally believe that he is 100% on the sentiment when we get something like the boardroom meeting scene. of course you could go on for days about how presumably not slowing down for two weeks straight, probably doing the bare minimum of taking care of himself, etc, will wear on your already unhinging mental health pretty considerably--but i still think it’s worth thinking on.

two, when klaus had that line about five being addicted to apocalypse back in s1, it’s kind of got merit--i think it still hits post-s2. we know that realistically, five has known nothing besides clawing his way back to his family. surviving, being alone, surviving, working alone, and then coming back to them, finding them all as nearly strangers. and trying to save them from what he knows happens, this is his purpose, right. this is everything he’s tried to do. he never had anyone or anything else--he didn’t even take the time to get to know the people at the commission. so what happens when they actually stop the apocalypse. i think, if he’s lent it any thought at all, he thinks he’s fine with it--the idea that all his siblings still have their own lives that they’ll go back to when they win, and he’ll just. have the grave he’s dug himself. like it’s okay it’s fine--getting them home, saving them is what he wanted. but i don’t know if he expects them to care about him after that--he’s so displaced in his own life, and has been for forty five years. touching the first point, he still feels worlds apart from his siblings, no matter how much he cares for them. and all the ugly things he’s done were so they wouldn’t have to, so their relative normalcy and lives don’t have to be the same kind of shattered. ‘if i have the capacity to shoulder it i should shoulder it’, ‘everything is lowkey my fault for disappearing’ etc. and their problems in the now are so insurmountable that he can’t really look this inevitability in the eye anyway. and he doesn’t stop moving so he doesn’t have to.

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frankly my tags are pretty good so far