#「 🪐 」 » nathan. ･ﾟ✧ 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕.

[hurtsmost]

maybe   she   would   have   been   better   off   letting   his   call   go   to   voicemail.   her   head   falls   back   against   the   pillows   of   her   childhood   bed,   swollen   eyes   stuck   to   the   ceiling.   his   voice   pains   her   to   hear,   causes   twists   and   knots   in   her   gut   to   form   at   the   hurt   clear   in   his   words,   the   way   his   voice   wavers   here   and   there.   NATHAN   WEILER   NEVER   CRIED   UNTIL   IT   CONCERNED   ASHTYN   LANE.   there   is   a   point   where   she   has   to   pull   the   phone   away   from   her   ear   and   squeeze   her   eyes   shut,   desperate   for   a   break.

when   she   raises   the   phone   back   to   her   ear,   she   catches   the   end   of   his   questions   and   opens   her   mouth   to   speak.   she   wants   to   lie,   wants   to   tell   him   she's   moved   to   a   place   where   he   would   never   find   her.   BUT   EVEN   HE   DESERVES   THE   TRUTH,   DOESN'T   HE   ?   she   feels   like   it   is   the   least   she   can   do   especially   after   dipping   in   the   middle   of   the   night   and   running   as   far   as   her   feet   would   take   her   (   or,   well,   her   car   ...   and   her   shitty   '03   altima   could   only   take   her   as   far   as   california   ).   

“   i   went   HOME.   ”      the   word   is   bitter   falling   from   her   lips.   where   is   home   anyways   ?   if   it   wasn't   with   her   family   and   it   wasn't   with   nathan,   then   where   ?   everyone   deserves   a   place   to   call   home,   a   place   to   rest   their   bones   —   ashtyn   feels   she   will   never   find   it.      “   as   for   why   ...   ”      her   voice   trails   off,   teeth   sinking   harshly   into   her   lower   lip   when   she   feels   tears   claw   at   the   corners   of   her   tired   eyes.

ashtyn   picks   at   her   brain,   files   through   an   assortment   of   reasons   WHY   and   tries   her   best   to   collect   them   into   something   that   doesn't   come   out   as   word   vomit.      “   i   ...   we   ...   w-well   ...   ”      voice   trembles   now,   the   anxiety   and   fear   prompting   her   thumb   to   hover   over   the   '   hang   up   '   button.

“   can   we   talk   about   that   some   other   time   ?   ”      she   finally   chokes   out,   pulling   the   phone   away   again   so   he   can't   hear   her   uneven   breathing,   the   faint   sniffle   of   her   nose,   her   other   hand   fumbling   to   wipe   away   at   the   tears   that   have   started   to   stream   down   her   cheeks.      “   i-i   ...   i'm   so   t-tired   ...   had   a   long   drive   b-back   here   and   ...   i   c-can't   ...   do   this   right   now.   please   nate.   ”

                                             @rejectsblame​   ,   x.