#➤ 〈 ‶ for the world we're gonna make . 〉 • ◜Past Verse ◞

[makiruz]

Edit: Part 2 now available

Okay, I have read two fics fitting Liir into the Musical Verse, I don't really like either, but both have really interesting elements that really fascinate me (I just can't get into the sum of their parts)

So I am kinda making up with my own version, with the things I like, like Fiyero being a scarecrow and not out of his son's life, you know like that.

Keep in mind I haven't read any of the Wicked books and I most I know comes from the Wicked Wiki

Okay, so Liir, Elphaba and Fiyero's son grows up in Oz, raised by Glinda (I think this is from the book???); and I really like the idea from this fic that Glinda is passing him as her son with Fiyero, I mean is the books Liir is a known orphan, and Glinda is a known lesbian, but in the musical Glinda was Fiyero's fiance. Also I like the idea of Glinda finding out Elphaba is pregnant while they both think Fiyero is dead (loosely here)

Alright so it's like this, Elphaba gets pregnant from As Long As Your Mine, and we're past Fiyero getting crucified and something happens and Elphaba tells Glinda she's pregnant; Glinda is kind of excited, but we're all in agreement this is a terrible situation, Elphaba is Public Enemy Number One and Fiyero is dead, and also Elphaba's mother died in childbirth and what if the baby is green? The reality is that Elphaba doesn't want to terminate the pregnancy, she'd rather die instead but Glinda knows she doesn't mean either, and notes that Fiyero died so she could live, do you really want to throw away his sacrifice? So that's when they decide to fake Elphaba's dead; the Wizard already sent the girl Dorothy and her posse after Elphie so they're gonna use that, then Elphaba will go into hiding until the baby is born and then she'll leave Oz forever, and Glinda will keep the baby, and if the baby is green, Glinda will think of something; it's for the best, whatever life Elphaba is gonna have is not a good for a baby

So meanwhile Fiyero is not actually dead, he's a scarecrow and for whatever reason he wasn't able to get a message to Elphaba that he's alive, so he's not in it when the gang confronts the Witch; and so when she "melts" the Scarecrow is fucking distressed and no one understands why. Like the dead of the Wicked Witch is horrific, even Boq who was all gung-ho on killing her looks sick and horrified (yeah, turns out killing your college friend does not make you feel better about being made of tin); but the Scarecrow is a mess, when she finishes melting he practically jumps to the puddle and looks around, as if looking for something he can't find, "it's only water!" he says sounding distraught, eventually he takes the Witch's hat and holds him to his chest and it's clear that if he could cry he'd be wailing (side note, if Boq suspected who Scarecrow was, this confirmed it)

Anyway, after they have returned to Emerald City and Glinda has sent Dorothy back home following Elphaba's advice, the Scarecrow talks to her, he is still holding the Witch's hat for dear life and looks like the world is ending; "how is it possible? It was just water" he asks Glinda in despair, "pure water could destroy her wickedness, as marked for her green skin" someone says (not Boq, he has just realized he loved Elphaba as a friend and he's mourning), but Scarecrow insists, "but she was always green, but she wasn't always wicked!". Glinda had anticipated this kind of questioning (but not anticipate who would ask) and has an answer "the Vinkun soldiers heard the Witch chanting on her tower, she must have cast some sort of spell on herself" "ah! to make herself more powerful!" "sure, let's go with that" but Glinda notices the Scarecrow gets her real meaning Elphaba cursed herself to die, which only makes him more depressed, what is up with that?

Okay, so eventually the baby is born, and not only is he a normal human color, he looks just like Fiyero so Glinda can easily claim he's her son with her late fiance Fiyero Tigelaar killed protecting Glinda from the Wicked Witch of the West, she hid the pregnancy due to the unfortunate events of the past few months and everyone understand. Now the actual Fiyero, has spent the past few months in the Emerald City moping and helping with The Reconciliation and he knows something's up with Glinda's baby because he knows for a fact that Glinda wasn't pregnant and even if she was, it wouldn't be his because they hadn't slept together for months before his scarecrowification; but he gets it when he sees the baby, little Liir does indeed look just like him but he has Elphaba's eyes. Fiyero gently strokes his newborn son's face with a gloved hand, he is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen; and it means Elphaba is still alive, probably close by because Liir is only a couple of days old, she can't have gone far so soon after delivery, and he has an idea where Glinda might have stashed her: the Lake House, no one goes there since her father got injured and stopped fishing.

Once Fiyero goes to the Lake House he finds evidence Elphaba was indeed there, but she's gone now; dammit, she could be anywhere in Oz right now, she could be anywhere outside of Oz right now, finding her could take months, even years! But then he thinks of a little boy in the Emerald City who is gonna grow up without a father, and his son is his first priority, he'll find Elphaba later (and she won't just abandon her son either). So in the following years the Scarecrow who help killed the Wicked Witch of the West, becomes a constant presence in the life of Liir Tigelaar; Glinda doesn't know why the Scarecrow cares so much about Liir, but being a single parents is hard and she needs all the help she can get so she won't question it; meanwhile Liir comes to see the Scarecrow as a father figure, as ridiculous as it is (don't worry, he'll realize the irony eventually)

At this point, I realize this has gotten too long already so I'll continue with part 2 later

[edcnfell]

Shhhh you see nothing.

Tags dump ahoy

[luveline]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 | 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐨’𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚

the tension between you and miguel rises to an all-time high —a ficlet featuring a grumpy miguel and a flirty, distracted spider-girl. pre across the spider-verse but contains spoilers. fem!reader, 1k

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Miguel has asked you multiple times to leave him alone while he's working. The strike force can't run itself (or so he claims —Margo and Lyla seem plenty capable, in your eyes) and he needs time and solitude to organise the protection of canon events, and—

"Blah, blah, blah," you say, dropping your voice to a soft, teasing melody as you skirt around his frankly audaciously jacked chest. 

"Don't blah, blah, blah me," Miguel says. You'd be intimidated if you weren't so happy to mess with him. "I'm not kidding around." 

Okay, maybe you are intimidated. That just makes messing with him more fun. 

The room he operates from, as you've so fondly monikered The Office, is in organised chaos, and much too dark. You drag a lone chair toward his control panel and set yourself down in front of all his screens and computers. 

"Ooh," you hum, reaching for an unlabelled switch with a purposeful slowness. 

Predictably, Miguel slams his hand over yours, yanking your chair back with an annoyed, "No." 

"Come on, Miguel. What harm could I possibly do?"

"You could–" 

"Topple the multiverse?" you suggest. "I've heard." 

"You could turn off every member of the Society's DMW. That's what that does. Potentially endangering each of their lives by stranding them in unfamiliar dimensions, and preventing them from correcting canon events." 

You feel bad for teasing him when you see the look on his face, anger and exhaustion and the slimmest allowance of defeat. It must be tough to lead the Spider-Society. Tougher to micromanage more than half of its members. 

Pulling your hand from under his, you cross your arms over your stomach and give him an apologetic frown. "Sorry, Miguel."

Evidence of his sweet spot for you lines his expression, softening his sharp jaw and the stoic set of his brow. It's gone as quick as it came, and his mask falls back into place. He turns away from you as though pretending you aren't there and scans one of his holographic screens, his face glowing with a yellow-orange haze. 

Miguel has to tolerate you, because you're a Spider-Girl. Though you've never called yourself that aloud, and you're not sure anyone else has, either, it's an undeniable truth. You were bitten by a radioactive spider that gave you super mutant abilities, though yours aren't as potent as others. You're not especially strong, you probably couldn't stop a bus with your bare hands, but you're smart. You haven't saved the world or anything, but you lost your Uncle Ben. You paid the toll. 

Every spider person has lost someone. Miguel seems to have lost more than that. 

"You know," you mumble, kicking the ground lightly to make your chair spin on its axle, "I've been thinking…" 

"That's never good." 

"Why do we wear our suits here?" you ask, spinning for a second time, the room moving past your eyes in flashes. "It seems performative." 

"Ah, I can answer that. Some of us work when we're here." 

You wrinkle your nose at his deadpan and kick the floor again, spinning so fast it makes you laugh. "What did you say? I can't hear you from your high horse– woah!" 

Miguel grabs the back of your chair, bringing you to a sudden and firm stop. You blink hoping it'll assuage the dizziness between your eyes, and when it doesn't work you keel forward, muttering, "Woah, I'm gonna die." 

"You won't die." 

"How do you know?" you ask. 

"You're under my watch, aren't you?" 

"I knew you liked me," you say. "Oh, I don't feel well." 

"You brought it on yourself." 

You catch your breath. When you feel okay enough to stand you almost trip, and Miguel doesn't bother pretending that he had any intention of stopping you from landing flat on your face. The you before the spider bite would've wiped out. This you giggles and holds Miguel's elbow for a second while you plant your feet. 

"Okay, boss-man," you ask, looking up at the unnaturally high screen he's investigating. "What are we doing today?" 

"I'm supervising a task force operation on Earth-31913. You're going home." 

"Miguel," you say, not sure if you want to flirt with him or piss him off. He looks incredibly pissed off already, so you choose flirtation. "Have I told you how handsome you look this evening?" 

He doesn't react. His hands don't so much as shift where they're akimbo on his hips. 

"You really have the most handsome eyes," you continue, weaving around his arm to stand in front of him. You have to crane your neck to see them. "Sulky. Do I really have to go home? I'd rather stay here with you." 

He looks down his nose at you. "Yeah?" he asks quietly, his voice rough as hewn stone.

"Yeah," you say, taking a small step back. 

"And do what?" 

You mirror his stance, hands on your hips. Your suit isn't form fitting like his, doesn't showcase nearly so much lean muscle, but you like it. You'd chosen a simple black ensemble to match the spider who bit you with a pinky purple heart over your stomach. Miguel had asked about it once, just once, when you'd first met and he had no idea how much of a problem for him you were going to become. 

Why there? 

Why do you think? you'd asked, giving him a sticky-sweet smile. 

Forget I asked. 

He lifts a hand to your chin, pinching it between two deft fingers. You're lucky he isn't wearing his gloves; his claws would pierce your jaw. 

"What do you want to do?" he asks, again so quietly. "If you stay?" 

"I could help with the task force." 

"That's what you want to do?" 

You flush with heat but refuse to let him know how you're feeling. Your heart bumps against your ribs, breath caught in your throat as he tilts your head up, as he leans down. 

"No," he says near your lips, "that's not it." 

"I could help you?" you offer. 

Something flashes in his eyes. You hesitate to call it lust. It reminds you of a cat with a mouse in it’s clutches, only his pupils are blown, black and inky and wide as dimes. 

"You want to help me?" he asks, his lips an inch, half of that from yours. 

You nod minutely. "Yes," you say under your breath. 

His hand moves to your cheek. He leans in closer and closer, until there's a hair's width of air between his mouth and yours, the tips of your noses bent together. His breath fans over your bottom lip and it's hot. You swear you can feel his heart as his chest presses to yours. He lingers there for an endless handful of seconds, silently egging you on.

You call his bluff and refuse to close the distance. 

Miguel pushes you away from him, far from cruel but certainly not sweet. "I have a tower of paperwork you can file," he says. 

"Here I thought you were finally going to bite my head off," you hum. "You're a sore loser, Miguel." 

"And you're my pest," he says, holding your gaze for a half-second too long. He turns away. "Lyla? Arrange the recounts from the last canon event for Spider-Girl's perusal, please." 

"So you've remembered I'm here?" Lyla asks wryly.

You don't mind the paperwork. You sign each one with a winky face and a pink gel pen heart, knowing Miguel will go over them all again, and knowing he'll grow angrier and angrier with each heart.

He'll kiss you and mean it one day. You just have to play the waiting game.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed!

[strangerthingsfanworkrecs]

Artist Highlight: Jo-Harrington

This week, we're highlighting @jo-harrington! All recs this week will be for her work. @jo-harrington writes for the Stranger Things Fandom, with a special focus on xOC, and xReader fics. She's also a great beta-editor and design all the graphics for her fics! We're highlighting Jo for her incredible world building and strong OCs.

You should check out her Store Manager Verse fics for some great fluff and top-tier retail angst Jo answered some questions about her creative process and her work under the cut

Why Stranger Things?

I’ve been an avid ST Fan since the beginning. My old Store Manager and I watched the first episode in the backroom of our store while folding t-shirts and rest was history. Fic-wise, a certain Metalhead Dungeon Master brought me out of a fanfiction posting hiatus and I haven’t looked back since.

What's your favorite ship (platonic or romantic) to create for?

Platonic is always going to be the Hellfire Club boys. I love writing their adventures. Their friendship is epic and deserves to be explored and celebrated. Romantic…EddiexOC or EddiexReader. I mean, I’ve been an xOC girl since my first fandom. xReader is new for me but it’s almost an extension of xOC. I always joke that I’m allowed ONE epic borbo obsession love of my life per decade and I’ll give them one canon pairing but the rest are OCs.

What's your typical writing process like?

I have an idea, I write it down, I get sick of working on a chapter, I don’t edit, I post. (Which is funny because when I beta, I am a lot more detailed. But for my own work I just need it out of my head.) It might not be the best. It could probably read better or have less typos or mistakes. But it’s always from the heart.

How do you come up with your OCs?

I sit there for a long time and figure out how I can put a part of myself into a story. Oops was I not supposed to say that? Sometimes you think of a character that you just can’t help but want to write. But even if they aren’t a manifestation of your physical self or your personality, they almost always end up being an extension of you in some ways, or something you aspire to be. You also need to add some attributes you hate into them, so that they’re not too perfect and you can throttle them around and make them suffer and not feel too bad/let it become a self hatred thing.

What has been your favorite project so far? Why?

Store Manager Verse. (EMxReader) Retail is who I am and who I’ve always been. I had a mall romance irl that went south. So it was a way to rewrite my past with my comfort character…and also give said comfort character a happy ending as well.

What has been your hardest project so far? Why?

As Above, So Below. (EMxOC) It is a passion project, it is a beast, every chapter takes an emotional toll on me and it takes a month—if not more—to recover. But it has been the single most fulfilling project that I’ve worked on in the 20 years I’ve been writing fanfiction. I've been working on it for about 2 years now. 3 more chapters til the end…I’m gonna be very sad when it’s over.

Have you ever had a creative block? How did you get over it?

My brain is just a beehive that I shake every now and again to get the bees angry. Honestly, the bigger block I get into is self-doubt. I have no problem finding the words, it’s the courage to put them to paper I struggle with at times.

Is there a big source of inspiration for you? Books? Art? Games?

Yes all of the above. But in all seriousness, life experience is the best inspiration. There’s only so much research you can do. Truly for me, the canon characters are the source of inspiration. Then I take from things I’ve done, things I’ve read, places I’ve been in order to take an idea to a fully formed plot.

Is there an upcoming project you're particularly excited about?

Eddie Munson Big Bang. I know you’re gonna hear that a lot. I love creating really ambitious AUs and I think this one is really testing my abilities as a writer. It's a crossover fic, in a way, but with a lot of original plot folded in. I hope I do both fandoms/universes justice.

Is there anything we didn't ask that you'd like to add?

I’m from the Midwest, so thank you for listening to all of my long-winded answers. Haha.

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

Hi Slug!

Could you translate positive my life, please? 🥺🥺

Hello Slug. I hope this finds you well but may I ask if you may be able to translate Hifumis solo, “ポジティブ my life” from the Block Party album? Thank you very much.

Sure thing! Under a cut for length.

The playful tone is crucial to the source, so a similar goofiness is present in the translation. With that said, I'm not adding anything extra for silliness. Some light fluffing on vague lines to convey (what I'm understanding as) the meaning. No attention paid to line length, rhyme, or rhythm.

Heya, friendos! (Hey there, Hifumi!) Hm? Gosh, you seem like a bunch of gloomy Guses today. Wait, I have an idea! Let's play a game! I'm logging in to Buddy Quest and speedrunning character creation so we can get to the open world and goof off! (Heck yeah!) We gotta turn all those frowns upside down. So what're we gonna do? Set off on an adventure to make new friends! I may not be able to claim the hero's sword. I may not have it in me to smile all the time. But my friendships and the good vibes we make together are the best equipment I could ever ask for. Yeah, yeah, yeah! There's no one like my party! We're friends! (Friends!) And even if we lose at the end of the day, we still all have each other. I cast SMILE. It's super effective! Next thing you know, you're one of us--YOU have joined the party! A full, amazing party! (We! Are! Hoods!) If you're a top player? Sweet! Let's live it up tonight! Yeepers, that was a close one. Almost ran out of HP! (Positive! Up! My life!) Or if you're more of a novice? No sweat. We'll carry you! Either way, let's "positive up" my life! (And yours!) [1] All righty! We're kilin' it. Keep it up, gang! Next up: lemme run you through how I "positive up" my life. Step 1: Take a cool selfie, upload it to the character creator, and let the game handle the rest. See? Looks just like me. (Sure does!) Step 2: Forget the haters. If the vibes are rancid, I don't wanna hear it! (Yeah, yeah!) Step 3: We all have tough days sometimes. But you gotta try to smile anyway. Because you're braved and you're loved, y'know? Once you realize how much your friends care for you, I know you'll get back up and keep fighting that good fight! (Get 'em, Hifumin!) Step 4: Sometimes, you just can't get past that next level. But don't you ever give up. Hit that CONTINUE button, you hear? (Positive! Up! My Life!) Because we still all have each other and the good vibes we make together in our full, amazing party! (We! Are! Hoods!) Ah ha! So you're the final boss. [2] Say, you know what? You wanna be friends? (Positive! Up! My life!) We can still beat the game together, and no one has to get hurt this way. So what do you say? "Positive up" my life? (And yours?)

[1] There's a slight joke/nuance here that I'm a bit stumped as to how to convey naturally in English. The terms he uses to describe different playing styles (魅せプ) (lit. enchanting play style) and (姫プ) (lit. princess play style) are evocative of his host role as someone who "enchants" clients often referred to as princesses. This suggests he's speaking to a woman, which ties into the final verse of the song that uses the same format. [2] Not the same "you" he's singing to in the song. The difference in tone suggests it's Honobono.

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Interlude 15.x Live Reactions

(This is going to be a very - no, insanely - long post)

As I noted, after this I'll be trying (ha!) to read faster, and on my phone more so I can just get this done.

This is gonna be an interesting read. Purportedly, after all, this is where we're supposed to get the idea that Amy raped Vicky. Though supposedly Wildbow had to do a line by line analysis to make that point on reddit (which I have not read) and I feel like if you have to do that for something like rape, you've kind of failed your task as a writer, at least in terms of conveying what you meant.

I wish, even more than usual, I could be coming into this fully blind but I'm not. I know the 'official' interpretation of this scene is rape, and that the text of the sequel makes it canonical that Amy raped Vicky here, but I also know large numbers of people never got that take, and Wildbow somehow spent years not noticing massive swaths of his readership didn't realize rape had happened... supposedly.

We'll see if I come away convinced that rape is the best reading that can be constructed from this scene, though from what I gather, it's more that a rape reading in this scene feels wildly out of place with all of Amy's other stuff.

It's certainly hard to reconcile the Amy we just saw in Arc 14 with Raping Vicky, though 14.10 makes it not impossible.

Of course, since I'm not coming in blind - I'm aware of the official version, and I've seen some people make the arguments in support of that reading and I've seen a bunch of arguments against that reading, etc - it's not like that all won't be hanging over all of this.

And the thing is, on a certain level, it doesn't actually matter. In the context of the universe itself, it certainly matters, but from the perspective of all these characters not actually existing in the real world, it doesn't really much matter to me.

On the level of Amy's actions: What she does do to Vicky that everyone agreed on (changing her brain, then mind controlling her in 14.6 and 14.10, not immediately removing the 'love me' change from Vicky's brain, wretching her - intentionally or accidentally or a mix or w/e - and not fixing her brain at any point there, and so on) is a gross and horrifying betrayal and a deep, deep violation of Vicky's mental and bodily autonomy. Making actual, real rape a thing that happened here as well is just icing on a cake, really, in a lot of ways, in the context of Worm. (Ward can and will be safely ignored for the rest of this post - in just a moment anyway)

For another, while it appears a lot of readers and fans did turn on Amy - her popularity in the fandom and in fics and stuff purportedly took a bit of a nosedive after the rape was made clear in Ward and in Wildbow's various WoG, though apparently there were still people who read Ward and missed that rape was made clear (Maybe use the word? Apparently Wildbow doesn't even use that word in Ward), it wouldn't actually change much for me.

(Now ignoring Ward)

See, some of my favorite fictional characters have comitted rape.

Damon Salvatore? Mass murderer and... though the narrative doesn't really linger on it, he rapes Caroline Forbes in early Season 1, and his girlfriend that he gets at the end of S2 (I think) and is dating in early S3 is a relationship so full of Compulsion (mind control ability vampires have in TVD verse) that it's moved well past dubcon, I'd say. And there's probably other shit like that in the man's past. Again, the narrative doesn't linger, but it's fucking rape. Still love Damon, amazing character, my trash son, but yeah, committed rape. Absolute monster, by any reasonable standard.

Regina Mills - again, mass murderer, tyrant, and... at the very least, she raped the Huntsman for possibly up to 38 years. (Again, it's never clearly stated, but she ripped out his heart - which in OUAT verse is a thing dark magic allows that lets the holder of the hard dictate commands to the person and also just kill them if they crush it - and then commanded her guards to bring him to her chambers. Ten years later, she casts the dark curse, and the Huntsman's cursed persona is having sex with her about once a week, at least, for the next 28 years, though given the nature of the curse, only Regina and later her son Henry are aware of the passage of time.) Regina is my favorite OUAT character, has an amazing redemption arc, and is unquestionably a hero to the point where she's crowned the 'Good Queen' in the series finale by Snow White (i.e. the girl she became evil while chasing revenge on). The narrative doesn't really linger on it, I'm not even sure the writers quite realized that it was rape, but I never believed it anything else. Still love her, because she and the Huntsman are both entirely fictional. Not real people.

On BtVS, Faith attempts to rape Xander, and basically does rape Riley while in Buffy's body (Riley is Buffy's boyfriend and thinks it's Buffy he's having sex with. Also she also effectively rapes Buffy by having sex with Riley while in control of her body). I still love her, one of my favorite characters. Again, the narrative doesn't really linger on this (the show in general has a bad habit of not lingering on female-on-male sexual violence or sexual harrassment).

Also on BtVS, Willow wipes her girlfriend's (Tara) memory so she forgets a pretty serious argument they were having, and then they have sex the next day, which Tara would probably not have had if she was still angry with Willow. While the show never calls it rape, I and large parts of the fandom consider it as such. (Tara never calls it rape either, though she is incredibly furious with Willow when she finds out, and they break up - and then get back together 12 episodes later, buuut :shrug) Still big fan of Willow, Tara/Willow is still the biggest ship for willow and one of the largest ships in the fandom.

Now, it's true that in all four cases, the writers either didn't realize it was rape, or didn't care and never really address it, but the key point is that I am perfectly capable of being a huge fan of Amy and wanting to see her redeemed/get better/etc (which I am and do) and accepting that she committed rape. So it's not like I'm going to just insistently refuse to see rape

Now, apparently part of the argument against the 'rape happened' reading is also how 15.x fits into the rest of the work, both before, and after, with regards to the fact that (apparently) Amy doesn't really talk about Vicky with any sort of sexual element, just a worshipful adoration, etc, (and the fact that rape never comes up and so forth) which I won't know until I get that far. But again, it is worth noting that large numbers of people didn't get rape as the intended reading, which again, seems like a pretty big detail to fail to convey to the reader. It's worth nothing that the comments for 15.x on the actual worm website mention 'mindrape' and that it felt 'rapey' but not 'rape' full on.

Now, with a much larger preface than intended, let's actually read this godforesaken Interlude.

Actually, having done the live reaction below, I'm gonna put it all below a readmore

Some of that was fatigue, some of it was hunger, some was thirst.  She had no idea how much time had passed.  She might have been able to guess from her period, but her body had decided such would be a waste of precious resources.  It hadn’t come, and she had no idea how many weeks or months it had been.

You only keep a Kidnap victim for weeks or months if you think there's a chance of a ransom. The fact that Carol's parents refused to just fucking pay the goddamn ransom for that long says a lot about how shit they were. Carol absolutely sucks as a mother, but she did have a pretty shitty starting point (though, somehow, somehow, Sarah managed to be at least halfway decent, so Carol could have come out better, but now I'm trying to compare traumas here and that's pretty sucky, but remember this is a Carol Dallon Hate Blog)

“Amy has always insisted she couldn’t heal brain injuries.” Alan winced.  “I see.  The worst sort of luck.” Carol smiled, but it wasn’t a happy expression.  “So imagine my surprise when, after weeks of taking care of my husband, wiping food from his face, giving him baths, supporting him as he walked from the bedroom to the bathroom, Amy decides she’ll heal him after all.”

Love how she just glosses over the part where Bonesaw actively did even more, possibly eventually fatal, damage to Mark's brain. Even when she does Mention Bonesaw invading the house below, she doesn't mention that part.

I feel like Mark would be able to mention that, so I'm sure Carol is just conviently ignoring the part where Amy was faced with 'Mark fucking dies if I don't break my rule'

“Oh, I imagine she was.  Victoria went looking for her after she ran away, returned home empty-handed.  I think she was even more upset than I was, with Amy taking so long to heal Mark.  She was almost inarticulate, she was so angry.”

So that would suggest that at least at first Vicky doesn't tell Carol what Amy did to her. Which would fit with Vicky saying she hadn't told anyone back in the early parts of Arc 14 (don't remember which chapter she said it) but the context could have just meant 'didn't tell the Protectorate/PRT' Though, it does still leave the open question: Amy was running around the city for fucking DAYS, a week possibly? between Interlude 11h and when she shows up in Arc 14.2 or 14.3. Did Carol even look for her? Why isn't she looking fucking now? She's your daughter, right, and Slaughterhouse Nine is looking for her too?

Is Sarah looking? Mark? Crystal?

Even if you don't love her or care about her, you shouldn't want S9 to have ahold of her, so maybe look for her rather than FUCKING FILE PAPERWORK?!

Carol fidgeted.  “Oh, that wasn’t even the worst of it.  Victoria’s been flirting with the notion of joining the Wards, and she went out to fight the Nine just a few days ago.  Apparently she was critically injured.  She was carried off for medical care and nobody’s seen her since.”

Ah, so this is now happening post-S9 leaving the city (though there's still no mention of Carol looking for her) and she's... not even looking for Vicky?

Like, okay, big city, might not be able to find her, but I feel like if I had a kid that I purportedly loved (as Carol does supposedly at least love Vicky, in her own horrible abusive sort of way) and said kid was missing and I had superpowers making it safe to go looking, I would be looking, damn the goddamn paperwork.

This woman just can't actively not suck.

Also, of all the people to be talking about this to, why the fuck is it Alan Barnes. Just a weird character to use for this. Is it supposed to be a juxtaposition - Carol was a neglectful bitch and Alan a too supportive parent and both ended up screwing their kids up?

“Or dead,” Carol said.  She blinked a few times in rapid succession, fighting the need to cry.  “I don’t know.  I was patrolling, searching, and I felt my composure start to slip.  I feel like shit for doing it, but I came here, I thought maybe if I took fifteen minutes or half an hour to center myself, I could be ready to start searching again.”

Okay, so there's that, so she was looking and just (understandably) needed a moment, but again - did you look for Amy at all earlier? Did fucking anyone? Somehow no member of New Wave actually showed up anywhere during Arcs 12 or 13 or 14, apart from Amy and Vicky.

He’d tried to attack them?  Carol couldn’t understand it.  He was the one who’d taken care of them.  When he’d appeared, she’d been happy.  And now it felt like that had been ruined, spoiled. She felt betrayed and she couldn’t understand why.

Stockholm Syndrome is a hell of a drug. But trigger trauma isn't much of an excuse, Carol, really fucking isn't.

“We didn’t know where you were.  But let’s not fight again.  The important thing is that Tattletale pointed us in the right direction.  We think we know where your daughters are.” Daughters?  Plural? Carol couldn’t put a name to the feeling that had just sucker-punched her.

Right, because with what little you know about the situation, you shouldn't actually have much reason to be that worried.

Technically, you're right this time, which I really kind of hate on the 'Carol Sucks' level of my personality, but you have no valid basis, because your paranoia was not actually well-founded.

The Brockton Bay Brigade closed in on the man who stood by his leather armchair, wearing a black silk bathrobe.  He held his ground. “If you’ll allow me to finish my wine-” he started, bending down to reach for the wine glass that sat beside the armchair.

Marquis really is the textbook fucking definition of classy, isn't he? :rofl:

 It meant she didn’t fall on her rear end, and she could pick a more appropriate posture as she snapped back into her human shape.

I mean, falling on your ass in a fight is just bad from a tactical standpoint, but also, I mean, you can't go losing style points, right?

The needles retracted.  Marquis rolled his shoulders, as if loosening his muscles.  “Broke your foot?  How clumsy.”

If nothing else, he's fun.

Well, only in a sense.  They still hadn’t touched him, and two of their members were out of commission.  Three, if she counted Fleur being occupied with a wounded Lightstar in her arms.

And so let's use his child against him! Great move!

Let's invade someone's home without checking to see if there's any innocents around! GREAT PLAN!

Was he distracted?

Maybe ask yourself why.

Though, I will say - Marquis didn't have to play Coy. He quite literally could have just said 'my daughter's in that closet'. They might not have believed him, but it wouldn't have been hard to show them.

I'm not saying I don't get why he didn't, but technically Marquis didn't make the most optimal choice here.

But that... happens.

“Careful now,” Marquis chided her.  “Don’t want to get decapitated now, do we?”

*giggle*

Instead, she turned and charged for the closet, creating a sword out of the crackling energy her power provided, slashing through the plates of bone that had surrounded it, then drawing the blade back to thrust through the wooden door-

I dunno. I know it's Amy - we all know it's Amy, at this point, even people reading Blind - and we're inclined to dislike Carol anyway at this point, again, even people reading Blind, I assume - but this just seems incredibly foolish.

Like, I guess maybe leaping straight to 'there's a kid there' might be a bitch much, and Carol in particular probably would have a hard time imagining Marquis as caring about another person because she's projected her issues with her kidnapper onto him for... reasons, but I mean, he could have a wife (or husband, I suppose) or girlfriend or all manner of things in there you may not want to hurt, and like... I dunno, I'd at least fucking open the closet before swinging in there? Maybe?

Fic idea - Marquis is a little too slow, but instead of killing her (I have read one fic where that happened. Marquis, understandably, kills Carol right after) he like, maims Amelia or something, cuts off her arm, or gives her a major scar or something.

That could be a really interesting story. Especially if Marquis still gets beaten, or Carol gets away and has to look at her daughter after having done that.

(I may hate Carol, but I can't imagine she'd be blithe about having maimed an innocent child, even Marquis kid, in the middle of a fight.)

*ads the fic idea to the list, which won't stop growing*

She stared down at him.  That long hair, it was such a minor thing, but there was something else about him that stirred that distant, dark memory of the lightless room and the failed attempt at ransom.  Her skin crawled, and she felt anger boiling in her gut.

This is so insane and then you take that projection and add a second layer onto Amy and like what the ABSOLUTE FUCK is wrong with you sick little woman?

“What were you so intent on protecting?” Manpower asked.  “This where you stash your illegitimate gains?”

Because Marquis didn't just say he didn't really care if they destroyed his expensive home a few minutes ago. Jesus Christ Manpower really is a dumb brute, isn't he?

“Her mother’s gone, I’m afraid.  The big C.  Amelia and I were introduced shortly after that.  About a year ago, now that I think on it.  I must admit, I’ve enjoyed our time together more than I’ve enjoyed all my crimes combined.  Quite surprising.”

Is that actually a thing anyone does? Or ever did? Is that a Canadian thing? Or a new england slang? 90s Lingo? I feel like no one has ever called Cancer 'The Big C' before.

That feels like something a writer - not necessarily Wildbow - invented and people just ran with even though it wasn't actually a thing people did.

If Marquis had realized how fucking terribly Carol would have raised Amy, I have to imagine he'd have settled for foster care instead. :rofl:

The idea disturbed her.

Why? Maybe get some fucking therapy for that, bitch? Seriously.

WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS DISTURB YOU?!

Maybe ask yourself that question?! But then, I suppose if you were capable of a single iota of self-examination, you would not have been such a shit mother and indeed, shit human.

That cultured act, the civility that was real.  Marquis was fair, he played by the rules.  His rules, but he stuck to them without fail.  It didn’t match her vision of what a criminal should be.  It was jarring, creating a kind of dissonance. That dissonance was redoubled as she looked at the forlorn little girl.  Layers upon layers, distilled in one expression.  Criminal, civilized man, child.

Right, and how dare something not line up with your view of the world? How DARE?! Surely the problem is with the thing, and not you?! SURELY!

“Then you take care of her,” Brandish replied, even as she mentally prayed her sister would refuse.  There was something about the idea of being around Marquis’ child, that uncanny resemblance, having those memories stirred even once in a while, even if it was just at family reunions… it made her feel uneasy.

*shakes head* jesus christ.

I wonder what Amy Pelham's relationship with Aunt Carol would have been like. A lot of 'why doesn't Aunt Carol like me?' I imagine. Which might have led to Sarah berating Carol into getting help sooner, because I can't imagine Sarah wouldn't have loved her daughter Amy as much as Eric and Crystal.

Though who knows. May just be grass is greener.

“You should.  Amelia’s Vicky’s age, I think they would be close.”

*nervous, awkward, darkly ironic laughter*

“I’m sorry to bring it up,” Brandish said. “But it’s relevant.  I decided I could have Vicky because I’d know her from day one.  She’d grow inside me, I’d nurture her from childhood… she’d be safe.”

And you did a bang up job with her! Two thumbs up! /s

“That child deserves better than I can offer.  I know I don’t have it in me to form any kind of bond with another child if there’s no blood relation.” Especially if she’s Marquis’. “She needs you.  You’re her only option.  I can’t, and Fleur and Lightstar aren’t old enough or in the right place in their lives for kids, and if she goes anywhere else, it’ll be disastrous.”

I can't believe I'm saying this, but: Sarah, Sarah, look at me.

Listen to Carol. For once in her life, she's actually right about something.

Look at me Sarah. Listen to your sister.

You could grow to love and trust that little girl, too.”

Truth is, she probably could have, but it would have required Carol getting over herself, and that, as it turns out, was borderline impossible.

I don't believe it would have been completely impossible - people always have a choice - and that's why, at the end of the day, I will never let sympathy for Carol rise beyond the barest of minimums, because she had a responsibility to be better, to get better, not just for Amy, but for Vicky, and she didn't, and so again, This Is A Carol Dallon Hate Blog.

Was the girl in shock?  Carol couldn’t muster any sympathy.  Amy was stopping her from getting to Victoria.  Victoria, who she’d almost believed was dead.

See, this is just...

I mean, I'm glad Carol didn't kill Amy here, but Carol has not even an iota of concern for Amy, and yet, once she sees the state of Victoria and supposedly finds out that Amy raped Victoria, she suddenly has enough sympathy for Amy to not kill her?

I -

Seriously. Absolute bizzaro world shit here, Wildbow.

“So I thought I’d put her in a trance, and make it so she’d forget everything that happened.  Everything that I did, and the things that the Slaughterhouse Nine said, and everything that I said to try to make them go away.  Empty promises and-“

Okay, so like, you can Amy's lying here, but all we have to go on is what she says, you know? If Wildbow wanted us to get the takeway that Amy's lying here, he kind of needs to make that more clear.

Like, far from done, and I am kind of biased against WB at this point, to say the least, but it's just really fucking hard for me to see this girl acting like this if she just raped her sister.

I mean, really, man, if that really was your intent, you did a REALLY bad job of conveying it, and when you fail as a writer you don't fucking take that out on the readers.

(Right, sorry, I said I was ignoring Ward. Back to doing that)

She could never be my daughter because she’d never stopped being his.

She doesn't even remember him, you crazy psycho!

Amy kept talking, her voice strangely monotone after her earlier emotion, as if she were a recording.  Maybe she was, after a fashion, all of the excuses and arguments she’d planned spilling from her mouth.  “I wanted her to be happy.  I could adjust.  Tweak, expand, change things to serve more than one purpose.  I had the extra material from the cocoon.  When I was done, I started undoing everything, all the mental and physical changes.  I got so tired, and so scared, so lonely, so I thought we’d take another break, before I was completely finished.  I changed more things.  More stuff I had to fix.  And days passed.  I-“

I'm having trouble seeing it. I really am.

I get that we're supposed to see 'break' as like... Amy raping her or something but -

But that -

no.

 It might even have been something objectively beautiful, had it not been warped by desperation and loneliness and panic.

Everything about this scene just paints Amy as pathetic and pitiable. She really is a sopping wet poor little meow meow here.

I'm not saying a rapist can't also be pitiable - someone can be victim and victimizer, of course they can - but if you want the pitiable character to be seen as a rapist, or, you know, hated, for what they did -

Especially when it's from fucking Carol's POV, and Wildbow just got done explaining how little regard Carol actually has for Amy, how she has no sympathy for the girl and everything.

If there's any POV that should not be painting Amy as pitiable, but as the rapist we're supposed to believe she is, it's Carol's right?

Then I’d go and spend the rest of my life healing people.  Sacrifice my life.  I don’t know.  As payment.”

Wildbow makes the most woobifiable character in the world, and then gets self-righteous when people woobify her.

News at 11.

And with everything laid bare, there was not a single resemblance to Marquis.  There was no faint reminder of Brandish’s time in the dark cell, nor of her captor.  If anything, Amy looked how Sarah had, as they’d stumbled from the house where they’d been kept, lost, helpless and scared. She looked like Carol had, all those years ago. The weapon dissipated, and Brandish’s arms dropped limp to her sides.

All this does is make Carol look narcissistic in the weirdest and worst way. She can only give a shit about someone who reminds her of... her?

But I mean, the whole reason she supposedly loved Vicky is because Vicky came from her, so she should have that take priority over...

I'm sorry. I'm just not seeing it. I'm not -

And Carol's actions here, even with the 'she looked like carol had' just...

No. This is weird. This is confusing. This is nonsensical. And I'm sure as shit not getting a 'Amy Raped Vicky' takeaway here.

Even allowing for Jack's comment about 'indulging' in 14.10. When Amy didn't agree or anything, and Jack would have no way to know what Amy did or didn't do when he wrote that letter we see in 14.11.

Like, if I squint and force myself to twist my brain into nots I can... pretend I can see it... but even then...

I mean, maybe Amy's lying, and characters lie and misrepresent and so on, true, but unless the text gives us a good reason to believe they are, which it hasn't yet...

I mean, it's the official version, the official narrative, that it's Rape. That's the WoG. And like...

Even if I didn't have my, admittedly largely unfounded, suspicions that Wildbow is just flat out lying about his original intent or meaning, I do believe that WoG should be an enhancement to and addition to the text, not a direct contradiction.

It really does seem like WB ended up falling into the trap of figuring he could just let his WoG paper over mistakes in his writing rather than getting it right the first time?

Carol stared as Amy shuffled forward.  The cuffs weren’t necessary, really.  A formality.  Amy wasn’t about to run.

I mean, this is another thing I don't get. Amy haters harp on Amy 'running away from responsibility/consequences' but I mean... quietly going to the Birdcage, an unaccountable black box of a prison where (IIRC from what I've heard) 2/3s of the prisoners ended up dying by the time of the breakout is sort of the opposite of running away?

I mean, Amy should have fixed Vicky before going, this is true, but it seems clear she wasn't sure she could, and would Carol and Sarah have even let her?

As if she could convey everything she wanted to say in a single gesture, she folded her daughter into the tightest of hugs.

I -

I mean, I suppose stranger things have happened, but of all the times to actually suddenly start giving a shit about Amy, it's here and now?

Yeah, I can't reconcile this with Wildbow's official narrative of things.

“Victoria is gone.  There’s nothing of her left but that mockery. 

Yeah, okay, back to Carol just sucking 100%. That's more familiar ground.

The day I cease seeing her as his daughter and see how she could be mine, he takes her back, she thought.

Well, no one to blame but yourself, Carol.

Yeah, my official verdict is: if this is supposed to be the scene that convinces the reader Amy raped Victoria, then...

Yeah, I'm not seeing it. I'm not seeing anything that makes that implied even with a tortured reading. Even with the most hostile reading, I don't -

I don't see it. I really don't. I'm trying to have as open a mind as possible, I tried to look for it -

This isn't me questioning a victim in the 'was it really rape' way or whatever, I'm questioning whether the writing of a scene conveys the idea that one character committed the physical/sexual act of rape on another, and this scene does not. Maybe there's another scene later on (In Worm) that will convince me, but...

This one sure doesn't.

[summers-art]

I know there’s some good Metamy juice in it so I’m gonna ask an explanation for Love Like you please.

🎵Song #35 Love Like You by Rebecca Sugar 🎵[Full playlist]

YEAAAA! We're at the end so what's more fitting than to have a literal end credit song to wrap everything up with? This one is specifically from Volume 2 which is different, it has this longer intro which I love the build up for and though not all the verses but the ones that are there are the most important so it's still perfect lyrically. I also mentioned this in the prev post but I also just really wanted this song bc of how it sounds musically. I have my playlists on repeat and this song flows very well back into Song #1 Digital Love which was epic, the ride never ends baby!!!

SO! Before we end the story there has been a time skip from the prev song #34 Too Long, that's the only way that song makes sense to me, as things seem to finally look bright again. Overcoming the strings and wires, if not fully then at least enough to feel like Metal is at the place he wants to be, which would then be with Amy. This song is sweet but it's not like a "I'm 100% fine and everything is okay now" way, the past hasn't been magically erased and there is still work to do after all. But at least it's hopeful! Though I love my drama, angst, divorce and bittersweet endings I decided to go with something more positive here... I can't help it that I am a true hopeless romantic at heart 🩷🥹

LYRICAL BREAK DOWN BELOW 👇

I just want to push again on the build of this song, I LOVE THE AMBIENCE, THE VIBE. The slow build up is so tasty, literally half of the song is just instrumentals until the lyrics finally kicks in 1,5 minute in after this building crescendo it's awesome. Also the dolphin cries in the bg are so funny, I love you whoever mixed this, that's so epic.

I always thought I might be bad Now I'm sure that it's true 'Cause I think you're so good And I'm nothing like you

I like that the first lines are already like a sledgehammer to my heart. Like OOOOKAY BESTIEEEE, yea you kind of did do all that horrible shit as part of the villain team and being a pawn for Eggman and almost ending the whole world as Metal Overlord or whatever- BUT COME ON, IT'S OKAY BABY GIRL DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF. It's totally okay to commit all those crimes because you looked cool while doing it, just look at Neo's highlights they slay 💅 (I'M JOKING, MAYBE)

Also comparing yourself to Amy Rose is just asking yourself to lose tbh. She is a beacon of pure love and hope, stubbornly and fiercely so, she's so awesome. No one does it like her. I wouldn't say they have nothing in common, but from Metal's view there might be little to nothing (because you're gay and putting your crush on a pedestal, girl...) The only way to fix this; time to learn some compassion!!! Download it, google is free 💾

Look at you go I just adore you I wish that I knew What makes you think I'm so special

CRYING, PUNCHING THE WALL, CRIES MORE 😭😭 Amy is so stubborn of course she wouldn't be the first one to give up on someone. Metal has tried and failed and tried and failed- and yet here she is! Still by his side!! I don't think he could ever really figure out exactly why she would do that, but it certainly means the world to have someone who refuses to give up on you. Eggman is also stubborn, but the "love" he gives feels very conditional and well- artificial? Compared to what she would be able to give.

I also think that any previous jealousy or doubt that Amy was just dating Metal Sonic because she couldn't have the Real Sonic (eluded to most heavily in #8 Washing Machine Heart: "I know who you pretend I am / Do mi ti / Why not me?") have been wiped away at this point. Spending enough time with Metal it's clear they are two different people who are both worthy of love in their own way for being who they are 💙

If I could begin to do Something that does right by you I would do about anything I would even learn how to love

There is something about Amy specifically befriending robots that is just really cute to me, starting all the way back with Gamma. Girl has a heart so big she can turn the machines into people capable of love. She has the power of love and incredible violence with her hammer on her side. Iconic, tbh 🙂‍↕️

"I can fix him" actually succeeds in fixing him. LMAO, nah its not that simple. I think Metamy could easily slip into that trope, but I would argue that here it's more that it's more about inspiring someone to be better. Like the lyrics say that about making better choices and taking action, instead of someone else fixing their messes and forgiving every single wrong doing that would actually make them not have to change their previous behavior at all.

When I see the way you look Shaken by how long it took

HEY, THERE IS THE THING I TALKED ABOUT BEFORE so I'll just keep it brief! A callback to Tomorrow Comes Today as well as Too Long, the two songs before this. Which also!! Makes the timeskip thing also makes the most sense. ...How long is the timeskip? Shit, idk, however long I need it to be 🤷 I'm open for suggestions lmao, but leaving it up in the air is fun so anyone can decide on how old the robot yuri should be. It ages like a fine wine, I think.

I could do about anything I could even learn how to love like You You You You

Crazy thing with this version of the song, and not just the intro, is that it SKIPS the line: "Love me, like you" but I think it's kind of appropriate here tbh. Self-love is important, and tying it with Metal's whole identity crisis arc makes sense and here it hasn't been completely resolved even at the end of the story. That is something that still needs work because that shit takes time especially, after all the shit they've been through. A relationship might not magically fix it but I don't think it will hurt it either. Like, I kinda hate the saying that at least floated around when I was growing up about "Ooh, you need to learn to love yourself before you can love others <3" like... HUH?? As if people who are struggling with mental health and/or trauma that makes loving yourself difficult can't be allowed to fall in love or be loved in a relationship, like lol, lmao even, miss me with that shit.

Metal continuing his arc about finding an identity outside of Sonic sounds like something that Amy could help with a lot, like- GIRL SHE'S BEEN THROUGH THIS CIRCUS BEFORE. She was obsessed with him too after all and had to learn how to grow more independent. ALSO, I like to think Amy has some issues of her own with abandonment. Despite being so outgoing and loving she carries her own insecurities about "What if my friends are only friends with me because of Sonic? What if they don't actually care about me or want to have me around?" - which I don't think is true (Amy's friends love her very much), but how true something is doesn't always solve the problem if it's all in your own head, y'know? And though Metal might learn to tolerate Sonic's existence I still think he would hate him enough to make a fear like that a complete non-issue for Amy. So they could help each other a lot with their struggles me thinks, and that's sweet. Love that for this ship 🩷💙

These cartoon animals can be projected onto with so many real life struggles HAH, it makes them so #relatable. I love art, I love playing with my touys, we're having fun here 🫶😌 and I think I'm done rambling about why I love these two and this song for them heheh. THANK YOU TO WHOEVER ARE READING ALL MY RAMBLES, I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN WITH ME ❣️

[dichromaticdyke]

hey another thing since my brain is broken and i have an MA in literature i'm gonna analyze the lyrics of "aortic desecration" and "SOS."

under the cut this time since last time my brain vomited a bunch of aotd analysis it went on for way too long sorry.

but seriously i wrote a fuckton here over the course of two sleep deprived sessions, so you'll either think i'm a madman or a divine genius.

okay for simplicity, "aortic desecration" lyrics are gna be in red and "SOS" lyrics r gna be in green. i hope tumblr made those colors distinct enough for ppl with colorblindness.

[intro] we're all going to die [x3] eventually [verse 1] toxic waste, acidic paste degradation crushed by a plane, driven insane mutilation cranial glitch dumped in a ditch gangrenous stitch

this is already a lot. nathan's coming at this with the idea that he has to write the most brutal and fucked up song of all time, so he just reminds everyone of their mortality and lists a fuck ton of ways that might happen (many of which do happen during the performance of this song). but even his point of adding eventually after saying how everyone wil die is interesting—it's like that was also tacked on during the performance like, "yeah but not today please haha." not a whole lot to go into here, except the way the first verse ends.

failure has entered your soul

now first of all, some sources have this line as "madness has entered your soul," but i've only ever heard "failure." and i think that makes sense—before this song even started, nathan realized that he wrote the wrong song but it was too late. i think once he got through the majority of the first verse, he went off-script, so to speak, and instead of singing about death, he started singing about realizing his own failure and mistake and how that was about to lead to the apocalypse. this continues into the next verse

[verse 2] how could you be so fucking naive? you fled for refuge and fell to your knees you spoke the words and brandished your heart you left yourself open to be torn apart, torn apart

hi brendon small i would like some recompense. he's speaking exactly to himself, how he was so naive to think that a song of salvation would be a song of death, how he was running from everyone and tried to do this all on his own. he sang about death because that was what he believed was the only thing he knew how to do, he refused to actually do some introspection and figure out what salvation was. and now here he is.

[chorus] aortic desecration how could i be so wrong? disemboweled publicly this is the dying song [bridge] look out bleed [x8] [chorus] [outro] aortic desecration atrial annihilation pulmonic devestation

so this chorus and the outro are fun for me because they're doing that thing that brutal death bands do where they just throw in a bunch of big words that sound scary and fucked up. and they are! aortic desecration essentially refers to a violation of the heart, since the aorta is the main part of the circulatory system and it's been desecrated. nathan broke his own goddamn heart by doing exactly what he feared—causing the apocalypse. he says as much in asking how he could be so wrong? as for being disemboweled publicly, well, here's what my literature MA ass immediately thought of. in sylvia plath's The Bell Jar, she writes about being suicidal and depressed, and one of the ways she considers killing herself is by disemboweling herself in her bathtub. this also reminded me of the way the god character killed himself in the film Begotten. so my initial thought, as gruesome as it is, is that nathan has kinda metaphorically killed himself in front of the whole world by singing the song that he knew was wrong. historically speaking, disemboweling people while still alive was also a form of torture and capital punishment, so that checks out. then he says "this is the dying song," fully recognizing what he's done. the final lyrics of the song once again refer to fucked up shit happening to the heart, with the atria being your heart's upper chambers, and "pulmonary" referring to your lungs, though typically in the sense of bloodflow.

then of course we get him chanting for the world to bleed, but also proclaiming, "look out." now at first i thought this was just kind of an ad lib—it's not uncommon in music to have lyrics like that that are added just to help the flow but don't actually add much to the content of the words. i don't think this is the case especially when comparing this to "SOS," but for now i'll start by just pointing out that "look out" very easily could've doubled in meaning as being a warning to the world. like, this isn't just fun and games any more—actually look out, you're actually going to die.

as for "SOS"...

[verse] last breath skyward dark sign closing line no time to mend this life take this hand this last time

alright this is pretty straightforward. this is their last chance to get it right, if it isn't too late already. but there's also that line of "skyward," which is the first instance in this song of recognizing the doomstar itself. there's no mention of the doomstar at all in "aortic desecration," which is kinda strange if you think about it. not even in the dying song is there an acknowledgement of why the apocalypse might be happening, mainly because the dying song—once nathan realizes what it is anyway—is primarily about hopelessness and fucking up. why even acknowledge the greater power at work when this is nathan's fault (in the context of the song)? but instead nathan acknowledges that the focus has to be on the doomstar, but also on everyone coming together and standing against this force that is greater than all of them. this song immediately establishes the haste in what they're doing, immediately countering the deflection in the dying song. nathan tried making the dying song work by saying, "we're all going to die eventually," but nathan here has the perspective to realize, no. people will die now, are dying now, it might already be too late to fix this, but dammit they're not giving up yet. [chorus] we're the shadows of the infinite we stand alive we're nothing but the soil of time beasts in the night reach with my open hand bound for all time in the shadows of the blazing star fused, we're the light

"shadows of the infinite" is an acknowledgement of their godlike powers, which they've either been completely ignorant to during the majority of the series or just didn't want to admit (think back to "how can i be a hero?" when none of them wanted to step up and do what they had to do). yet despite this acknowledgement of their divinity, their power, they are also recognizing that they are still just people. they can't do anything by themselves, they have to work with other forces. being "nothing but the soil of time" is a reference to being a gear in the wheel of the klok—clock, time, etc., yet also being "beasts in the night" refers to this unhinged power and danger they still hold. "reach with my open hand" is the most obvious line, with the animation in this scene directly reminding us of nathan's conversation with the whale prophet. once again, a reference to the doomstar, and the final line foreshadows nathan using the dethlights alongside both dethklok and the army of the doomstar. these are the people that must work together with this divine power to take out something greater.

it's also worth noting that while the official line seems to be "fused, we're the light," i can ALSO hear it is "fused with the light." so it can be interpreted either as, nathan and the band and the army of the doomstar all coming together to becoming the light/dethlights, or nathan and the band and the army of the doomstar being fused with the light/dethlights. it's not that much of a difference i guess, but a slight different implication of whether or not they themselves are the light or if the light is a separate entity. [bridge] now rise (rise) [x8] movin' out, movin' out [chorus]

this is the part that convinced me to make this a comparison. this is a direct parallel and contrast to the bridge in "aortic desecration," with calls to bleed being replaced with calls to rise. they even chant it the same number of times, guys idk what to tell you. PLUS there's an echo repeat of "rise" throughout this bridge, and while it could very well be a literal echo, who else wants to believe it was all the other members of dethklok singing it? kinda like the "die, die" in the duncan hills jingle? and then the "ad lib" of "look out" is instead replaced with "movin' out." instead of nathan telling everyone to run away, be watchful, be fearful, he's calling on them to come with him and fight with him.

have i talked enough about how brendon small is a fucking genius?

plus based on a few shots from this performance during aotd, i think toki might have been playing lead. which would be super cool, because this would make this the second song that is confirmed to have toki in the lead, the other being "blazing star."

anyway i've fooled you all because now i wanna talk about "blazing star." i know this song has been out for a decade now and has been analyzed a bunch, but i wanna look at it specifically now with the context of the movie.

first off, before i get into the analysis, i'm pretty sure the performance of "blazing star" at the end of the doomstar requiem never happened. i think it was purely non-diegetic, just like half the songs in this whole opera, but it was presented as a proper dethklok song to symbolize the band being reunited and looking towards their next big hurdle of the actual metalocalypse. my main reason for thinking this is that the idea that dethklok saved toki, wrote this song, performed it for the world while announcing, "hey toki's back and he's okay," is DIRECTLY in contrast with the opening scene of aotd where the band makes their first public appearance since saving toki and a standard dethklok performance trigger's nathan's ptsd. i know metalocalypse isn't known for continuity, but they would've mentioned dethklok having a performance post-rescue. and nathan in aotd is so ready to not face his destiny, there's no way he would write and perform a song about exactly that. he's also adamant that he doesn't sing about hope or life, but that's exactly what "blazing star" is about.

enough preamble let's look at that song.

[verse 1, nathan] the glowing clouds, the diamond's birth the spiral cluster descends to earth the nebulas conspire to bring the signifier and the death of a king

already with more context from aotd, i'm obsessed with this. it's setting up the doomstar and the destiny of the doomstar being either the death of salacia or of nathan. i haven't spoken yet about the parallels between nathan and salacia, that's something that's going to take a WHILE to work out, but the long and short of it is, they're powerful beings who can only achieve their full power when being reunited with four other souls/people. GUYS. they are very clearly meant to parallel each other. knowing now that the doomstar is a portal meant to reunite salacia with the "four souls," it's unlikely that this "death of a king" is inherently meant to refer to salacia, because the doomstar would have to be inherently anti-salacia, which it's not. at that, it seems like this "king" is probably meant to be nathan, or all of dethklok, since it's through their deaths that salacia would be reunited and the metalocalypse would happen. it's hard to tell tbh, the doomstar is a neutral figure—all we know is that it can bring death, and it holds power that other figures can harness.

i'm a man with a tortured sight i fear this dream will end tonight the water beasts continue singing we try to wake but we're not dreaming

THIS i find incredibly fascinating. it's no secret at this point that nathan had been dreaming about the whale prophet for who knows how long, and this is very clearly referring to that. the first line of this section even foreshadows nathan being the only one to remember the night they rescued toki. what i find interesting is the contrast between nathan "fear[ing] this dream will end" but also "try[ing] to wake but [isn't] dreaming." these are directly contradictory at first glance—he's scared of this dream ending, but he also wants to wake up? unless these are two completely different dreams.

the first half of aotd, nathan, pickles, skwisgaar, and murderface aren't rescuing toki, aren't even letting themselves think about him. they're only focusing on partying around the world, and they sing a whole song about how they love being useless billionaires and don't want to be heroes OR regular jackoffs. i think that's the first dream—being DETHKLOK, having no problems, doing whatever they want, that's the dream nathan is scared is ending. because after that night of rescuing toki, of harnessing the dethlights, everything has gotten so real. they can't ignore it anymore.

at the same time, realizing that there are greater forces out there trying to destroy the world, trying to use them to destroy the world, everything with the church of the black klok—that must feel like a dream. that's the dream he wants to wake up from.

he wants to stay in his dream of being rich and powerful, but he doesn't want to be stuck in the dream—the nightmare—of the literal apocalypse.

i'm gonna find you i'm running out of time i gotta play this part this is my lot in life with this power i am endowed the end is coming so bring it on now

again, another reason i don't believe this song was diegetic. this is the first moment of clarity he had about the metalocalypse, about how he had to do something about it, whether he wanted it or not. again, in the beginning of aotd, he had no interest in this. i guess it's possible he went back and forth on that (i wouldn't be too surprised), but again, this is a pretty hopeful message, all things considered. he even says "bring it on" to the fucking apocalypse. tell me again about how you don't write songs about hope, nate. i only buy that if he never wrote and performed this song.

[verse 2, pickles] oh the keeper wields his scythe oh you gotta kiss this life goodbye there is another place beyond we'll meet in time and i will greet you all in the next life, yeah

having pickles sing in general is based, but i've never fully understood why he was in this song. like if anything, this song feels like the kind of ballad that would have EACH member of dethklok sing a little bit, so it's strange to have just pickles and nate. it gets less strange with the hindsight of aotd, where their relationship was the primary emotional focus. but let's actually look at what pickles is saying here. it's pretty standard stuff: death is looming, but if worst comes to worst we'll be together in the afterlife.

i wanna fucking throw up (positive). what was that offdensen said to pickles in aotd? "be a true friend, even if it gets messy." pickles's verse is NOTHING but, "hey nate things are getting bad but i'll always be with you." I'M NOT REACHING THAT'S ALL THIS IS.

[chorus, nathan] the blazing star, it burns so bright the darkened power, the dethly light bring it on now, this is our time we're the new regime, together we'll fight

again, standard stuff. doomstar, dethlights, fighting together. all things considered, this could have been the song of salvation. there's not much i can really say other than the fact that since it wasn't, it must not exist in the metalocalypse world, right?

toki had the solo on this song. i don't have to speculate for that, it's made abundantly clear with the animation in the ending sequence of the doomstar requiem. he had the solo because this whole song is about the band coming together to face something greater than them, and they wouldn't have had the power to do that if they didn't have toki with them. it's also them recognizing the worth toki has in the band—at first, it seemed like his worth was just making skwisgaar play better (that was certainly the implication at the end of "the duel"), but it's greater than that.

let's say i'm right—let's say i'm right and toki also had the lead/solo during "SOS." what does that tell you that toki is granted the opportunity ot have the lead SPECIFICALLY DURING SONGS OF HOPE AND CAMARADERIE?? he, much like murderface, is foundational to the band. murderface is the voice of dissent, toki is the voice of hope.

and let's say i'm wrong, and toki only had a solo during the song that doesn't actually exist. that's fine too, because if "blazing star" is meant to be a symbolic, non-diegetic song, then that still proves my point of toki being foundational to the band ("even if you don'ts do nothings") and, more importantly, their divine power.

wow that was a lot if you got to the end pls like comment and subscribe.

[this-is-krikkit]

i might be a little feverish but little talks by of monsters and men sure hits different when you listen to it while thinking of season 4 to post canon levihan and i'm going to write an essay about it.

cool? cool.

so, hear me out. first verse:

I don't like walking around this old and empty house So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear The stairs creak as you sleep It's keeping me awake It's the house telling you to close your eyes And some days I can't even dress myself It's killing me to see you this way

that's levihan adjusting to life right after the battle of shiganshina, right?

i mean, the old and empty house and the noises it makes while they sleep represent the now near empty headquarters that they've lived in for a decade that's become haunted with all of their dead comrades' ghosts ; and that line some days i can't even dress myself that is, imo a pretty good match for hange's state of mind (who is no doubt struggling to adjust to their role as Commander) while levi has to watch them shoulder all the responsibility of facing this new world none of them imagined as it is, and knowing it's technically his fault they're in this position

There's an old voice in my head That's holding me back Well, tell her that I miss our little talks Soon it will be over and buried with our past We used to play outside when we were young And full of life and full of love Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear

now the analogies in this verse might be a little less obvious but bear with me. hange's old persona's is still in there, beneath that much more professional exterior they have to project in their new leading role, and so the other voice saying i miss our little talks to me could symbolize levi missing his crazy close friend (who does make a reappearance once in a while, thankfully, but is mostly concealed) because things aren't quite the same as they used to be between the two of them

and of course, hange is exhausted from that burden they inherited 4 years ago and doubting themself and their decisions (especially when things start to go south with eren and later his minions), and although levi can no doubt understand that, he's still loyal to them as his leader

and then. well then comes that bridge. and i'm gonna let the lyrics speak for themselves, aight?

You're gone, gone, gone away I watched you disappear All that's left is a ghost of you Now we're torn, torn, torn apart There's nothing we can do Just let me go, we'll meet again soon

Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around I'll see you when I fall asleep

okay i lied, i'm still going to point out that please hang around is a very obvious parallel to levi telling hange to keep watching, or possibly a reference to his last gesture towards them when they told him to let them go and look cool and he couldn't help himself and had to break everyone's fucking heart over that intimate version of their military salute.

the I'll see you when i fall asleep i feel could refer either to levi's hallucination of all the scouts veterans, or to the fact that he's hoping he gets reunited with them when it's his turn to die, many many years in the future after he gets the rest and peace they all deserved.

anyways THIS IS THEIR ANTHEM BYE!!

[dre6ming]

The delicate beginning rush

Chapter 17 - this is when the feeling sinks in

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Pairing: Austin Butler x singer/ actress fem reader

Warning: age gap (10 years), smut (18+ mature content), cursing, mentions of death, grief, alcohol, fluff

Plot: the ending to a beautiful love story, the next few months in (y/n) and Austin’s life, navigating everything.

Word count: ~10.000

Disclaimer: this is the last chapter of the series, BUT be not afraid, there will be an epilogue to tie the end completely, but I can’t make any promises about when it will be posted since I have started on it yet, but keep an eye on my page, I always update when I can. Also this chapter is not proof read so there my be writing errors. Thank you!

A/n: thank you so much for coming along on this journey and though the story might be over “The delicate beginning rush” universe is not closed, so content from this world might still be posted on the form of fake instagram stories or small stories. I will always revisit these two whenever I feel like you (my readers) want me to. Thank you!! 💜🧶

June 2022

Today it's a calm day in the studio with Taylor and Jack, I'm working on my vocals for her new album that she will announce at the AMA's. "Ok when you hear the beat, start singing." Taylor tells me, giving me the ok to record my vocals. Jack plays the track, the song Paris, is not finished yet, but she really wants it on the album, so we're doing the mixing and vocals for it, I the hopes that inspiration will struck and she'll finish it. As I'm singing I keep thinking that the way she describes she's feeling about Joe, it's the way I feel about Austin, only I can't scream it from the top of lung like her, I have to keep it private. When the word private comes to my mind something in my brain clicks I tell Jack to keep playing the beat for a little longer.

" Privacy sign on the door and on my page and on the whole world

romance is not dead if you keep it just yours

levitate above all the messes made

sit quiet by my side in the shade

and not the kind that's thrown

but the kind under where a tree has grown"

After I finish I take my headphones down and come out of the recording booth, seeing Taylor's and Jack's knowing looks. "That was amazing, Taylor you're up next" Jack says, getting back to his computer, putting together the vocals and such. "Ahah right away, then you're gonna tell me who this person that has you so in love is" Taylor teases before going into the booth to record the verse I just wrote.

Later in the car on the way to her place where she and I will have dinner with Joe, like we usually do, I fidget around nervously. "It's Austin isn't it? He's the one you love?" She asks, looking at me and taking my hands in hers, to stop me from picking at my skin. I look at her, scared for her reaction and all words leave me as I simply nod. What she does, takes me by surprise, when she brings me close and hugs me resting her chin on my head. "If he make you happy, I'm willing to give him a chance." She promises, squeezing me tight in her arms. "Thank you, it means so much to be able to finally tell you." I giggle, the weight already off my chest. "I hope you know now you've got to arrange a meet between me and him, preferably a double date at your place maybe?" She says. "Deal." I agree, happy to have her support.

August 2022

"Agh I'm so nervous, this is too much for me to handle" my hands are shaking holding the champagne glass, looking at the huge projected screen counting down the seconds until my album goes live on streaming. "It's going to be so amazing, my darling, trust me (y/n)" Austin tells me, squeezing my shoulders in a comforting way, kissing my cheek. For the past months I've slowly been introducing Austin to my close friends, so when I decided to host my birthday party and my album release party, privately at my New York apartment, I decided it was safe to invite him. "You think so?" I ask furrowing my brows, creasing my forehead with concern. Austin smooths his hands down my arms, his electric touch sending shivers down my spine. "I know so." he smiles at me so confident.

Shaking my head in disbelief, I put my glass to his lips and he tilts his head back, drinking the remaining liquor. He licks his lips sensually, dipping down to kiss me, but I see Taylor approaching in my peripheral vision, so I turn my head to the side, so his lips touch my cheek instead. "Hi Taylor!" I say, moving out of Austin's embrace, to hug her tightly. "Happy birthday my mastermind!" She says, squeezing me as hard as she can. I feel Austin shift uncomfortably behind me, so I can only imagine she's giving him a death stare. Taylor was the one who probably took it the hardest when I told her about me and him, she loves me and she's very protective of me. Taking caution from her previous relationships with age gaps such as mine and Austin's. "Hello Taylor, nice to meet you in person!" Austin says, extending a hand for her to shake, this is the first time they meet officially, he knows she's not too fond of him. I try to give her my best pleading look, while trying to be subtle about it and Taylor understands, her gaze softening a bit. "Likewise Austin, glad to see you're here supporting her, it means a lot to her!"

"I know it does." Austin tells her truthfully, snaking an arm around my waist. "So are you excited, only 10 minutes until it goes live." Taylor moves her eyes on me, looking excited. A set of arms wraps around her waist and Joe's head pops from the side, resting on her shoulder. "(Y/n) happy birthday, 20 looks good on you." Joe says in his strong British accent, smiling wholeheartedly. "Aw thank you Joe! I'm actually freaking out right now, what if everybody hates it?" I start stressing out again, all kinds of thoughts taking over my head once again as my heart rate picks up and my hands go clammy with sweat. "Hey, hey, none of that, you have a beautiful voice and you wrote beautiful songs, people would be crazy not to love them." Taylor assures me, taking my hands in hers, smoothing her fingers over my knuckles. "She's right, it's gonna be amazing, you're so so talented." Austin chimes in, agreeing with Taylor. "Austin man, mind grabbing a glass? Let's leave the girls do their thing." Joe proposes, leading Austin to the bar, to get a drink.

Taylor hooks her arm around mine and starts walking me to the balcony to get some fresh air. "You know I think I'm slowly working my way to liking him, you guys are cute, I'll give you that." I giggle at her confession, curling a strand of hair behind my ear. "He's sweet, he's been by my side through all of this, he calms me down."

"Well that's good, doesn't mean I won't keep my eye on him." She tells me, squeezing my arm. "Well it's good to know I have friends I can count on." I lean my head on her shoulder, looking out at the New York lights, the city looks so magical at night. "I just don't want you to go through the pain I did, when I felt like everything hurt, every single action was excruciating." She sighs. "Heartbreak is inevitable, I don't think me and Austin are forever, maybe I'm wrong, I don't know." I admit my thoughts, this is the first time saying this out loud, though I've thought it for a while now. I love Austin, of course I do and it's not to say that I don't think he loves me, but I have to keep a grip on reality and the possibility that he might leave some day. "Don't!" Taylor warns, taking a step away, turning me to look at her. She places her hands on my shoulders, softly shaking me, like trying to wake me up, her blue eyes looking straight into mine. "If there's one thing I've learned from every relationship I've had, is that if you keep anticipating the bad outcome, there's always a good chance it'll happen. Austin may not be forever, but he might also be, you don't know and you can't keep jinxing yourself."

Tears well in my eyes and I nod, a soft whimper escaping past my lips, turning into a sob, as she pulls me into her arms, to hug me. "I'm so scared Taylor, I feel paralyzed, soon all of the songs I wrote about my parents, my feelings, about Austin, everything.. it'll just be out there. And then I have to admit to myself that me and Austin won't be able to keep this hidden for much longer, I'm so sa-" my voice breaks as I fist the material of her dress, clinging onto her. "Oh (y/n) it'll all be ok, just breathe ok? Please!" Taylor tries to calm me down, but I'm livid at this point shaking in her arms, hot streams of slat running down my cheek and into my mouth. "(Y/n)? Taylor? Guys?" A all too familiar voice calls out, slow steps approaching. "Oh my sœur, my sweet little sister, what's wrong? Joe and Austin said you two walked out on the balcony, is everything ok?" Timmy asks, smoothing a hand down my back. "We just need a minute, how long until midnight?" Taylor asks, rocking me in her arms. "Four minutes on the clock." Timmy tells her, causing a much louder sob to go past my lips as the fear of the inevitable release of everything I've worked so hard for approaches. "Ok, go in there, we'll be in at the right time." Taylor assures.

Timmy kisses my temple, then leaves me and Taylor as we were before, alone in the hot august night. "You have one more minute to cry, then we will wipe those tears away and go in there. You'll act like the superstar that you are and claim every good thing coming your way, I know it can be scary to have you're feelings served on a plate for everyone to see, but once they are out and you see that everyone feels or has felt like that, you won't be so scared anymore." She wipe my tears with a tissue she pulled out of the pocket of her dress. My lips shiver in a shy smile, as I breathe deep. "Ok, I'm a superstar, I'm gonna be great." I repeat her words, trying to convince myself, the fact that she looks so sure of it, helping a bit. "Come on, we don't want to miss the release." She drags me back into the apartment, all my fiends are gathered around the screen projector, looking at the huge numbers counting down, champagne glasses in their hands, ready to toast.

"Five, four, three, two, one..." people count out loud, then clapping and music erupts, shaking the room alive as Timmy and Joe pop some confetti. I let go of Taylor's hand, my eyes scanning the room for the one I want to see the most. A pair of arms catches me, turning me around to face the person. My face inches away from Austin's. "I love you, congratulations!" He whispers, before placing his soft plush lips on mine, moving slowly and tender, bringing me to life, every cell in my body becoming overcharged with serotonin. My head thuds against my rib cage and I lace my fingers through his silky hair. "I love you too!" I tell him, as he lets me go, so I can circle the room and hug everyone here. It's not a big party but all the important people are here, except my parents. Now, my mom wanted to come, but she couldn't take so much time off work and dad, well I still haven't gotten around to talking to him.

After hugging Billie and her brother, I move on, ending up face to face with Joshua. "Congratulations! I'll be rooting for you at the Grammys!" He jokes, making me laugh as I drag him into a tight hug. "That reaching but I think that just for tonight I'll entertain it." I say, smiling. "Well we'd hope so!" Roxanne says, coming to his side, kissing his cheek. They started seeing each a few months ago, after she came along for a studio session with him. "Very funny, have fun!" I wish them moving on to the next person.

At the end of the night I'm pretty tired and my feet hurt like hell from being squeezed into those very uncomfortable, but very beautiful heels. "An outstanding piece of art from a young upcoming singer, best known for her Oscar worthy performance. A raw, bone shattering audio experience, a journey through the ups and downs of the teenage years..."

"Oh my lord, stop stop, that's enough!" I say, crawling over the bed to reach Austin and take the phone out of his hand. "Hey it's on rolling stone, it must be legit." He says, bending down to kiss my lips. "Maybe." I mumble moving my soft lips against his. My hands roam his torso, until they reach the collar of his shit. With a little tug, I fall on my back, dragging him along. Austin chuckles against my mouth, using one hand to prompt himself up so that he doesn't squish me underneath him. My thoughts are going at a thousand miles per hour and my hands find purchase in his blonde locks of hair, scratching at his scalp, resulting in a long breathy moan to escape him. My hips lift off of the mattress unconsciously, my pelvis brushing against his. Austin grunts, grinding his crotch against mine, placing his free hand on my thigh, encouraging me to wrap my legs around his waist.

We're a panting mess of bodies colliding, the clothes between us restricting us from feeling the warmth of each other fully, so I grab at his shit that's tugged into his pants, snaking my hands underneath the cotton material, to feel his soft burning flesh with the tips of my fingers. Austin's lips move along my jaw, taking their sweet time in loving that one spot right below my ear, that has me going crazy. "Austin.." I sigh, pleasure traveling through my bloodstream enveloping my whole body, I feel the arousal starting to gather in my underwear and I need more, so I move my hips against him harder, searching for that release. Austin's hand ghosts over my thigh, lifting my dress up, then stopping on my hipbone he pushes me into the mattress.

"(Y/n), baby? How far do you want to go?" Austin asks me, his fingers digging into my flesh holding me in place against the mattress. "All the way, I- I need you." I whine, trying to get free out of his grip, but to no avail. Austin freezes above me, then slowly moves back a bit, putting some distance between us, to look at my face. His blue orbs look over my crimson complexion, analyzing every freckle and every wrinkle, looking for the smallest drop of doubt. "Are you s-sure you're ready? I've told you before, you don't have to, I love you!"

Austin has always been considerate, ever since we started dating and I told him about being a virgin he assured me that I should never feel pressured into changing that. And I never have, but I've dreamed maybe even wished that it would happen and that he would be the one to do it.

I push my hips up fighting he's strong hold on my hip, whining for his touch, feeling starved in a way I've never felt before. Austin's breath gets a bit jagged and his hand resting on the side of my head, fists the bed sheets. "Ok baby, anything for you, anything!" He promises putting his lips back on mine, consuming my entire soul with his wet kiss. I lift my head off of the bed to follow his sweet soft lips when he pulls back. Austin's hand leaves my hip, coming to stroke my left cheek gently, his skin feeling electric against mine. His ocean blue eyes travel over my face, following my every feature like his willing to have my face engraved in his memory forever. The glimmer in the sky colored orbs watching me, melts my heart, it makes heat travel all over my body and stop in between my legs, so I rub my thighs together, trying to get some relief. The action does not go unnoticed by Austin and a boyish smile appears on his face.

I blush a deep shade of pink, trying to hide my face in the palm of his hand. "Nah no doing that, eyes on me honey! Good, now tell me what you want!" I open my mouth to speak only a bit scared to voice my desire, but his loving glare calms me down. "I want you to make love to me, Austin. Be mine!" I tell him, cupping his face this both of my hands, smoothing the skin on his cheeks. "I'm yours, I've always been, always will be!" His eyes so full of honesty and love, there's no doubt that what's between us, is real and genuine. I pull him in, only to miss his lips right before they touch mine, turning his head to whisper in his ear. "Show me!" My words sound like a dare and his whole body trembles in response.

Instantly his lips are on mine, drinking me in, moving in an orchestrated manner. Austin's hands roam my body and he shifts around the bed, placing a leg in between my thighs, angling it up, putting pressure right her I crave it. I sigh in pleasure, moving my hips over his thigh, wanting more than just the peer pressure his leg provides. I'm wearing thin nylons under my dress and he uses one hand to rip them apart. "Aus!" I gasp pulling back to see him smirk. "I'll buy you a dozen more, now let me make you feel good." He says stealing the breath out of me. His hands settle on my hips, moving me along his thigh, the friction sending electric shocks of pleasure through me. I grasp onto him, keeping him as close as possible, while he keeps my hips moving. I feel me sleek coating his pant leg and I squeeze my thighs around his muscular thigh. Austin keeps a steady pace, speaking quietly in my ear, telling me how much he loves me. "Let go baby, realx, come on!" He encourages me and my orgasm takes over me leaving me a shaky breathless pile of bones and muscles.

Austin gets up from the bed, taking a step back to look at me, catching his chin between his thumb and forefinger. "You look so fucking beautiful like this, spread out for me, cheeks rosy" he bites his lip, slowly starting to undress himself, unbuckling his belt. On cue I start to lift my dress over my head, but he shakes his head, stopping me. "I want to do it, just be patient my darling." His voice rasps, filling me with excitement.

Soon he stands bare in front of me and I can't help but roam my eyes over his form, I've seen him naked before, but for some reason right now feels like it the first time. "Like the view?" Austin quirks a brow at me, chuckling. "Maybe!" I giggle, licking my lips, the action wiping the smirk off his face. Austin comes closer, bending down to take both of my hands in his, lifting me up in a sitting position. "You're the best thing to happen to me." He tells me truthfully. I touch his face, smoothing the wrinkles by his eyes, then ghosting my finger tips over his plump lips. "I love you Austin, thank you for being mine." I kiss him forcefully, as his hand grab the hem of my dress, slowly lifting it up my body, his burning flesh teasing my, leaving goosebumps all over. We have to break apart when he reaches my head and we both laugh when the sequences of the dress get stuck in my hair.

Now here I am, naked in front of this man that watches me like I'm the only thing he's ever known to look at. His eyes glimmer in a way I can't describe and his hands follow the shape of my body without touching me, like he's scared I'm going to perish if he dares to lay a hand on my. I grab his wrists and guide his hands to cup my bare breast, the moment our skins make contact his eyes snap at me, pulling me into a deep stare. There's something so carnal about this, just to people in love, looking into each other's eyes. I let go of his wrists and move to take off my panties and ripped nylons, finally leaving myself completely bare for him to see. Austin's eyes never leave mine, as on of his hands moves over to my hip, the other snaking around my torso. Carefully he lifts me up, placing me in the middle of my bed, hovering over me.

"Are you scared? You're so quiet." Austin asks, brushing the hair out of my face. "No, I think you've left me speechless." I smile, brushing my hands through his hair. "As flattering as that is, I want you to tell me if you need me to stop. Eyes on me (y/n)!"

"I will, I promise! I'm ok now." I assure him and he nods his head, coming down to kiss me. "I need a condom, fuck I- I don't have any." Austin suddenly realizes, looking apologetic. "I'm so sorry baby, I just, I don't carry one around and I-" I start laughing at his frantic way of apologizing. Their is my Austin, always so sweet and considerate, not to say polite. Him not having a condom on hand tells me that this is as unexpected for him as it is for me. "I have an idea." I say trying to hold my laugh in. "What?" He looks rather skeptic of me. "I know Timmy has some, I could go sneak in and take some."

Austin instantly looks terrified. "And risk getting killed on your birthday?" I can't hold my amusement in anymore. "I'm glad my eminent death amuses you." He says trying to sound angry, but unable to hide his laugh. "Well technically, it's way over midnight, so it's no longer my birthday and I'll be careful." I say, sliding from underneath him, grabbing my silk robe and tying it around me. "(Y/n) are you sure? We can do this tomorrow, or when you want to, we don't have to rush." I bend down to give him a quick kiss. "I want to now, I'll be right back." I turn around walking out of the room and closing the door behind me.

I tiptoe through the quiet house and I can hear Timmy in the kitchen talking on the phone, so I quickly sprint to his room, going straight to the bathroom. I search every drawer and cabinet, finally finding the condoms, grabbing two and putting them in the pocket of my robe. As I close the cabinet door and get ready to leave I hear the door to his room open and close. "Fuck fuck..." I look around for an excuse of why I'm here, this late and naked. I grab the toothpaste tube and decide I'm just gonna lie about needing it.

The bathroom door opens and I'm met eye to eye with him. "Can I help you sœur?" He asks, looking confused. "Um I just needed to borrow toothpaste, I ran out." I explain nervously, shifting my weight from one leg to the other. "Okay?" He doesn't seem to believe me. "Well thanks!" I smile trying to get past him and out the door. "Can you bring that back when you're done? I need to brush my teeth as well." He says and I curse myself for not thinking about that. "Oh well I'm actually so tired, I think I'll just take some now." I say, opening the tube and squeezing some toothpaste onto my finger. "Here you go, have a great night." I tell him, handing back the tube and running out the door. "Ok wiredo.." he mumbles as I walk fast back to my room.

In my room Austin waits for me on the bed, with his arm folded under his head and everything on display. "You made it. With toothpaste?" He jokes, getting up from the bed, hugging my waist and spinning me around onto the bed, to end up where we left off, with me under him. "Timmy walked in in me, I had to find an excuse for being there." I explain taking a tissue form my bedside table and wiping the toothpaste off. Austin laugh shaking his head in disbelief. I slide my hand in the pocket of my robe and pull out the two condoms, holding them up. "Two? You plan to seduce me more than once tonight?" Austin smiles at me, coming down to pepper kisses all over my face. "Maybe." I tease, getting lost in the feeling of his lips traveling over my skin. "Well to be honest you don't have to try to hard" he confesses, kissing down my neck, reaching the spot under my ear, sucking and turning me to jello in his arms. His hands walk over my silk covered form, untying the robe and letting it fall open. Austin places the palm of his hand on my lower stomach, slowly inching it down, teasing me by taking a second to play with my hair. "Please!" I beg, lifting my hips off the mattress, willing him to touch me. "Patient baby, I need to open you up a bit, I don't want it to hurt." He says breathing ragged.

Finally his skilled finger touches my clit, drawing slow circles, pleasure cursing through me, enveloping me whole. "Aus.." I moan pulling at his hair, causing him to let out a guttural groan. "(Y/n)." His fingers work me like magic, his thumb applying pressure to my clit while his forefinger teases me hole. Slowly he enters one finger, pumping it in and out at a slow pace, curving it up, to massage that spongy spot inside me, making my legs shake. "I'm gonna add another one baby, ok? Just breathe for me." Austin instructs me and I nod my head, unable to reply as my voice gets knocked out of me. His long fingers work me open, gentle and slow, the stinging of the stretch being gone very soon. I feel the bubble of pleasure start to form in my belly and I start breathing faster. Austin moves down my chest to take one of my nipples in his mouth, swirling his hot tongue around the sensitive bud.

Right when I feel about to reach my peak, his long fingers disappear, leaving me whining and wanting more. "What-" his lips on mine silence me. "Take off the robe baby, I want to feel all of you." As I work on getting my robe off, he takes his shaft in hand, pumping himself a few times, quiet curses going past his lips. "Fuck the way you watch me kills me baby, you know that (y/n)?" He asks, taking one condom, opening it and rolling it on slowly. Everything suddenly feels so real and when he clears his throat to catch my attention, I realize I was frozen. "(Y/n) we don't have to, I told you." I quickly shake my head and wrap my arms around his neck to pull him back over me. "It's not that, I just-" I'm a bit ashamed to voice my fears, but looking into Austin's eyes I see that I have nothing to fear. "What if I'm not good enough and I don't make you feel good?" I whisper.

"My darling love, when it comes to you it's not just sex, never was, never will be, it's about showing each other how much love we have for one another. And to be honest sex feels good for guys almost no matter what, only a jerk would tell a girl she doesn't know how to please him. Ok? I love you!" Austin caresses my cheek, kissing my lips. I feel my heart gallop in my chest and the second I feel his hard on, touch my inner thigh I'm reminded of the desire I have for him. "I love you too." I tell him, kissing him back. "I know, I'm going to try ok? If it hurts to much, just tell me and I'll stop." Austin promises, looking into my eyes. "Yes, I promise."

I feel his head nudge my entrance, my breath hitches in the back of my throat and anxiety builds in my chest, up his eyes never leave me. I wince at the sudden sting and he freezes. "Keep going it's ok." I say, and though he looks skeptical, he keeps going. When he's fully inside me and his pelvis touches mine, I feel complete. I wish I could describe better how the way we're now conjoined makes me feel so at peace and so safe. "Are you ok?" Austin asks one of his big hands cupping my breast and twisting my nipple between his fingers. I moan loudly, throwing my head back, screwing my eyes shut. "Yess, move, oh god." A low grunt escapes Austin and he starts to move, his head hitting my g-spot with every thrust. "You're so tight, squeezing me so good, God I wish to stay like this forever." He whines, moving his hips at a steady pace. I get more confident and start moving my hips to meet his thrusts. "Shit Aus, feels so good.... Love you so much."

"I love you too!" His hands touch every patch of skin, exploring me, memorizing every inch of my body and I do the same, touching every part of him I can. Austin moves on of his hands back to my clit, stimulating it, making me squeeze around him. "You close baby? Look at me." He demands and I follow his request, making eye contact with him and feeling closer to my orgasm. "I'm so close, Aus, don't stop." He gives me a sloppy grin, kissing the tip of my nose. "I'm close too honey." He says, moving a bit faster. At this point we're just two piles of bones and muscle, whimpering and chasing our pleasure. Austin keeps playing with my clit and soon my orgasm hits me like a brick wall, pleasure washing over me like a cold shower, making everything blurry. "Austin." I moan, feeling him twitch inside me, as he freezes on top of me, moaning loudly. "(Y/n)"

When we both come back to reality he gets up, to throw the condom in the trash, then he scoops me up into his arms and carries me to the bathroom, turning the shower on. We take turns on washing each other, cracking jokes. "I love using your stuff I smell like you and it feels like you're with me all the time." Austin tells me, kissing my lips and working my conditioners through my hair. "I love you so much." I say, looking into his eyes. "I love you too."

December 2022

"Mom, the timer is done, I think your chicken is cooked." I scream from the kitchen, busy cracking some eggs for the cake I'm baking, tonight we plan a surprise birthday party for Timothee, so I'm doing all the baking while mom take care of the cooking. She and I kept on talking over the past months and while she's keen on staying at her new job in Nevada she visits now. Don't ask about my dad, neither of us got the courage to contact him just yet, but it's on my goal list for next year. "Oh Jesus, why must this skinny white boy have as his favorite food, your father's secret chicken recipe?" I giggle, adding flour to my mix. "Mom if it were secret, you wouldn't be able to cook it right now." She flips me off, making us both laugh as she gets the delicious food put the oven.

"So I think I got the karaoke system to work, but I won't put my money on it." Austin comes in the kitchen. "Oh miss. (Mother/n) that smells so good." He compliments my mom, coming over to my side to dip a finger into the frosting I made. "Hey, wash your hands first, now put it in the fridge please." I ask politely and he complies, giving me a quick kiss on the top of my head. "Thank you Austin, dear!" My mom smiles at him.

She met Austin a month ago and despite our big age difference she seems to be quite fond of him. She told me however to be careful, but other than that she welcomed him in. "So when is everyone showing up?" Austin asks, leaning against the kitchen counter. I look over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. "In two hours, but Roxanne and Joshua should be here any minute." I tell him, singling for him to bring the cake pan over so I could pour the mixture in it and pop it in the oven. "I'm happy the are still going strong." Austin speaks, opening the oven for me to slide the cake in. "Yeah, they seem happy." They've actually been going steady for a few months now and anyone who watches them sees that they have a great time together and that they love each other dearly.

"So any songs you want to do tonight?" Austin teases, walking me over to the living room to show me the karaoke station he installed. "Hm not really."

"Give it a try?" Austin hands me a microphone, helping me up onto the small stage he put together. "Ok, any requests?" I ask, smiling at him. "Surprise me." I think a bit about what song I want to do and decide to do one that's not yet on streaming, one I wrote a while and recorded not so long ago. "Ok, ready?"

New York back in August 10 floor balcony

smoke is floating over Jane and Greenwich Street

goosebumps from your wild eyes

when they're watching me

shivers danced down my spine

head down to my feet

swimming in your eyes in your eyes Egyptian blue

some thing I've never had without you

you're giving me chills at 100°

it's better than pills how you put me to sleep

Calling your name the only language I can speak

taking my breath a souvenir that you can keep

"When did you write that one I don't think I've heard it before is it about me?" Austin teases coming over to take me into his arms and kiss my cheek. I giggle putting the microphone down and circling my arms around his neck looking straight into his eyes "Yeah I wrote it about you what gave it away?" Austin shrugs his shoulders smiling at me playing with my braids between his fingers "Maybe it was the part about giving you shivers" I laugh tilting my head back "Oh really I thought it would've been the part about Egyptian blue eyes" he chuckles softly. "That part too, I guess." I shake my head at him, kissing his pink lips, licking my own when we break apart. "Is that my lip balm?" Austin blushes and pulls the lip balm tube out of the pocket his sweatpants applying some. "Dork" I say slapping his shoulder, making him feign hurt.

"Would you love birds stop all the smooching" Roxanne says walking into the living room with Joshua in hand. "Hey man!" Austin says reaching a hand out to shake Joshua's, then he goes to hug Roxanne. "Roxy, ever bubbly." Austin teases. "Hi Roxy, Joshua." I say. "Butler, ever a golden retriever, go fetch." She jokes, throwing an invisible ball. "Easy tiger!" Joshua pats her shoulder, kissing her cheek.

"Everything looks nice, is the cake ready? Can I taste some?" She asks excitedly. "Thank you and no, not yet." Just then my alarm rings for me to take the cake out. "You think you boys could fend for yourselfs while me and Roxy make the cake?" I ask, looking between Austin and Joshua. "I think we'll be fine." Austin responds, Joshua agreeing. "Ok, come on Rox, I'll let you eat the extra frosting."

"Hey that's not fair, I want some as well." Joshua says walking out way, only to get pulled back by Austin. "We'll steal some later, let the girls have their own moment" Austin winks my way, making me blush.

"Oh hello Roxanne!" My mom says, as she works on the smashed potatoes. "Hi miss" Roxy says back, hoping on the counter and watching me take the cake out of the oven and pouring syrup over it to cool it of and get it moist. "So Joshua was saying that he was thinking a trip to Rome might be nice for new year's. He said you and Austin should come along and if Timmy keeps things steady with Lily-Rose he should bring her." I get excited for a minute only to deflate the next. "What about paparazzi? You know me and Austin want to keep this as hidden as possible."

"We would rent a vineyard air b&b outside of Rome, keep away from the big city, maybe visit some of the villages around." The plan sounds great, but not bulletproof. "Paparazzi could still find us." She shrugs her shoulders, taking a spoon and helping herself to some of the frosting. "At this point you've been together for what? 10 months?" I nod. "And you love each other, if they find you, the last thing you should do is listen to their stupid speculations and talk, you and Austin know the truth of your love story ."

"I'll have to think a bit more about it. Ok?" She understands and tells me that I still have a few days until Joshua has to confirm how many people will be staying at the place he rented.

The party starts soon after our conversation and we all have a great time, singing and enjoying good food. At the end of the night when me and Austin put ourselves to bed I tell him about Roxy's invite and he tells me Joshua brought it up to him as well, as far as he's concerned he is willing to take the risk. "I love you and you love me, we both know what we have it's true, so what does it matter if they find us." I agree with him in the end, deciding that maybe yes we should go with our friends and enjoy new year's with them, but the anxiety of being found out doesn't necessarily leave me.

February 2023

The Grammys

"And the Grammy goes to..." Dua Lipa, makes a slight pause to read the winner off of the card and I hold my breath, having so many feelings at once. Taylor holds my hand under the table, also watching the stage closely, waiting for the moment the tell us who won. "(Y/n), Someone who loves you (wouldn't do this)" my song "everything I wanted" starts playing and there's screams from everywhere, feel Taylor hug me, lifting me up from the chair and pushing me towards the stage. She, Finneas, Jack, Billie and Joshua join me on the stage as I accept my award.

" I can't say that when I was making this album I ever thought it would be nominated for a Grammy and then it would get to win a Grammy. I poured my heart into this project and every single one of the people on this stage tonight can tell you how many tears I've cried over these songs and how difficult it was for me to open up to the world in the way that I did. It's more than just a dream to see my words be transported from my journal entries into songs into streaming platforms and then into your homes and hearts. I am so honored and so happy and I want to thank my family, my friends, my love, and my record label and the Academy for the amazing opportunity that they've offered me tonight thank you!"

After the great ceremony and a few more awards, I finally get to go home, missing Taylor's after party, since I'm too tired to attend. When the elevator doors open to my apartment, I'm met with a huge arrangement of flowers, from purple star flowers to sun flowers and peonies, all my favorite flowers, filling the room with their incredible aroma. "...my love" I hear my voice say as Austin comes into view holding his phone, turning the recording of my speech off. "You found a way to thank me, you didn't have to." He says, scooping me up into his arms. "That was exactly what I needed to do, dandelions was my first number one hit." I remind him kissing his cheek, as he carries me to my bedroom and into the bathroom where he prepared a relaxing bath for me.

Golden Globes evening

" Good evening everybody, I want to start off by thanking the Golden Globes for giving me the honor of presenting an award this year. The first time I ever attended the Golden Globes ceremony I was Timothée Chalamet's +1 it happened in 2016 and I met Taylor Swift. If you would've told me back then that getting to talk to Taylor would change what my future would look like forever, I probably wouldn't have believed you so I have a lot of things to thank the Golden Globes for. Last year I was nominated for a couple of words I even won a few but I couldn't attend so this year it was mandatory for me to be here. I am excited to announce the category for the best actor, on our list we have nominees who have given us amazing performances of incredible characters, bringing to screen pure and raw emotion pouring their soul and entire being into these personas that they've taken responsibility to portray. Here's a list of our nominees for best actor" I wait for the promoter to read the nominees, hoping that my reaction to Austin's name being called out, wasn't too much.

The room is quiet and it's my turn again to speak, with shaking hands, I hold the golden envelope up. " In this year's winner for best actor is" I pause opening the envelope and as soon as my eyes make out the name written on the card, they fill with tears that quickly blink back. " Austin Butler for Elvis, Congratulations!" My voice tremors and I feel like my entire body could explode with joy and excitement for Austin. After hugging Baz and his father Austin, runs over to the stage, coming my way with teary eyes. On reflex he hugs me and picks me up off the ground, squeezing me tight, so I have to remember him about where we are.  "Careful baby!" He puts me down, taking the award and mouthing a silent 'sorry'.

After he gives his speech, we both get down from the stage and I walk over to his table to make small talk with Baz and Priscilla and meet Lisa Marie for the first time. "(Y/n) always a pleasure to see you, you look beautiful, honey." Priscilla says, putting back in place some pieces of hair that fell out of place. "Thank you and it's a pleasure to meet you miss Presley" I say to Lisa, extending my hand out to shake, but she surprises me by giving me a big hug. "Oh please it's Lisa, I was so sad we didn't get to talk at the premiere last year and I'm so happy so finally get to see you." I blush at all the nice commentary coming my way, making small talk for the rest of the night.

A few days later

I'm still in L.A. after the golden globes working in getting some auditions for some new exciting roles, I'm staying over at Austin's house, which I think by now a lot of people know. There were some pictures of him picking me up from the air port before the awards, but nothing too scandalous to confirm we're more than just friends.

Austin is in his office, working on some online interviews, having doubled his press due to the Oscars being in a couple of weeks. I can hear him softly talk and laugh to the interviewer and it makes me smile, knowing how sad and worried he's been for the last day. He received news from Baz who heard from Priscilla, that Lisa Marie was rushed to the hospital last night and since then Austin's just been packed with nerves and anxiety, he formed a strong bond her. Not to say he's under pressure for the Oscar nominations, being announced in two days from now.

As I scroll through my phone, Austin's phone rings, he left it here with me to take any calls or messages while he's busy with interviews. I see the id caller being Baz, so I decide it's safe to answer. "Austin?" Baz's voice comes through the phone, worry and sadness evident in his tone and my mind goes directly to Lisa Marie. "It's me Baz, Austin is in an interview right now." I hear Baz sigh. "Well maybe it's better like this maybe he'll take the news better coming from you." I know what this means, I know it so well, it hurts before he says it, my heart filling with hurt and sadness, tears breaming my eyes. "Just say it." All this wait is killing me. "Lisa Marie didn't make it, the memorial is a week form now at Graceland, both you and Austin are invited to come. I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news." I wipe the few falling tears from my cheeks, breathing deep. "That's ok Baz, thanks for telling me, I'll tell Austin when he's free, we'll talk soon, take care." I end the call and cry for a few good minutes, but I decide to be strong for Austin and I wipe my face and sit reading my script, while closely listening for him to be done with his interview.

When I hear him say goodbye to the interviewer and close his laptop, I get up form the couch and walk over to his office. The door is closed so that way, neither William or Simba could walk in and bomb his interview. I knock quietly and open the door. Austin, who was resting his head on his hands, ruffling his hair, lifts his eyes up to look at me. "(Y/n) have you been crying? What's-" I sit down on the leather couch in his office and pat the spot next to me. "Sit with me." Austin looking worried, listens to me, no questions asked, sitting down next to me. "Baz called, he," I take a deep breath. "He told me Lisa didn't make it, the memorial is next week at Graceland."

As I speak he doesn't seem to hear me talk anymore, his eyes filled with tears. He falls limb into my arms and cries with his face buried into my chest. I feel his hot tears soak into my shirt and his hands grip the cotton material harder, almost ripping it off of me. I try to soothe him, but the best thing I can do right now, is let him cry in my arms.

After a good hour or so of crying he fell asleep on the couch with his head in my lap, it was good thinking I got my phone with me when I left the living room, cause he had another interview scheduled for today, so I texted his agent James and told him that Austin isn't going to be able to do them. James, being Austin's best friend since they were little kids, understood perfectly, giving me green light to let Austin rest.

About three hours into his sleep, I need to use the bathroom really bad, so I unlatch his hands from around my waist and get up to go to the bathroom. As I'm washing my hands I hear him call my name, thinking he's up, I call back. "In the downstairs bathroom Aus." But I don't hear anyone approach, which worries me. I still hear him calling my name over and over again and I realize he's not awake, he's just sleep talking, something he does when he's very nervous.

I find him still on the couch in his office, asleep and mumbling my name. I squeeze next to him on the small couch and find my stop into his arms, instinctively he hugs me close, burying his nose into my hair and breathing in my scent. I don't know how long we stay like that, but by the time his eyes flutter open, the sun outside is setting. His hazy blue eyes watch me. "Is it real?" He asks, new tears pricking his eyes. "It is, baby." He holds me close to his chest, breathing in and out quietly.

A little over a week later

I attended the funeral with Austin, which made sense since I was close to the family outside my relationship with him, there were a few photos of me and him at the event, but we were both in mourning and us hugging didn't look too out of character. But to be honest at this point I don't think we care to hide the relationship anymore, we just want to be happy.

After the funeral Austin decided to fly back to New York with me, where we are now. Tonight the Oscar nominations are announced and I'm so so nervous for him, he really deserves it and I know deep down he wants it so badly. "Ready for bed honey?" He asks, coming into my bedroom and setting into bed next to me. "Do you really think you could sleep?" I ask as he puts his head into my stomach. "If you sing to me, please." He asks politely, so how could I refuse him?

One night a few moons ago

I saw flecks of what  could've been lights

but it might just have been you

passing by unbeknownst to me

life is emotionally abusive

And time can't stop me quite like you did

and my flight was awful

thanks for asking

I am unglued

thanks to you

and it's like snow at the beach

weird but fucking beautiful

flying in a dream stars by the pocketful

you wanting me tonight feels impossible

but it's coming down no sound it's all around

like snow at the beach

Though Austin falls asleep soon enough, I can't find rest for the whole night, so at 7am I'm at the kitchen counter, drinking a big cup of coffee, looking out the window and listening to the nomination announcement. When they reach the best actor category, my heart stops and I hold my breath. Finally they say it, they say he name, I'm so excited I don't have the patience to stay and watch the rest of the ceremony to see what other nominations hie movie gets, this one was the one I cared for the most.

I Find him still soundlessly asleep, his phone buzzing on his nightstand. I pick it and see it's James. "James hi, I'll wake him up now so sorry." James his agent sighs, chuckling. "That's ok, tell him to call me when he can, but an hour later max, understood?" I promise James that I'll get Austin to call him no later than an hour from now and end the call. "Aus.." I shake him awake gently and he opens his blue eyes for me. "Baby?"

"It's here Aus, you, made it, you got the nomination." As soon as the words leave my mouth he, sits up , looking for his phone. "You'll call James later, look at me Austin, I'm so proud of you, congratulations." I say cupping his face in my hands and kissing him. I can't believe I get to live in the moment with him.

March 2023

The Oscars

"This year every time we went to the cinema we had an incredible experience watching amazing actors put on a show for us, we saw personalities portrayed in ways we've never seen before from the electric magic of Elvis to the magnificent sad story of the Whale, we have experienced pain, love, fear, happiness all in one, all at the same time. We got drunk on the feeling of pure joy and pure excitement watching these incredible human beings play out on our screen. Tonight we honor them, we offer a token of our appreciation for the hard work that has been put into these movies. Here is the list of nominees for this year's best actor in a drama." My palms are sweaty and watch Austin holding hands with Angela Basset, while his dad has a hand on his shoulder for the two behind. I see the hope in his eyes and when in handed the envelope with the results, I say a little prayer for him. " Austin Butler for Elvis."

I can't believe it, he doesn't seem to believe it either as he sits frozen in his chair. "Austin it's you, you did it, you won, come up, you won." Finally he wakes up, standing and running over to the stage, not missing a beat when it comes to hugging me. I feel his tears on my cheek and it makes me so happy to know all he's worked for payed off. "I love you so so much!" He says letting me go, receiving his award and heading to the mic the give his speech.

"It's a lot to imagine that after four years of hard work, three years of dedicating myself to this incredible person who is no longer with us, but who left us with such an immense legacy , I get to be here on this stage tonight and hold this award in his name. Elvis, he loved acting, he loved movies and this award it's so much for him as it is for me. I want to thank him I want to thank his  daughter Lisa for always watching over me. I want to thank my mom who is up there with them looking down at me hopefully so proud of who I am right now and what I managed to do. I want to thank every single person who was by my side in this period of time and who always supported me even when I didn't believe it myself thank you so much!"

After the ceremony and after getting his award engraved with his name we get in the car together, I rest my head on his shoulder as his driver takes us back to my place, so we could change for Baz's after party. "I can't believe it!" Austin whispers, smoothing his fingers over the cold metal of the award. "I can, you work very hard and you reached peoples hearts, you deserve it, own up to it."

July 2023

After the Oscars we were photographed many times together, but the most recent one, which finally confirmed our relationship came out only two days ago, after we had cute date. We were both a little tipsy and while waiting for Matt to come pick us up, we were photographed making out on the side of the street. It feels so weird to have everyone know that we're together, but it also feels good in a way, because now we don't have to hide anymore. Trying to lift my spirits up, Austin booked a trip to Disneyland the day after my birthday, which we chose to celebrate together at his house in L.A, combining both of our birthdays since they are only 9 days apart.

I look down at my lap, at the sleeping Austin, he looks so sweet and peaceful, I think it's finally time that I confirm my love for him online, so I snap a picture of him over my book that I'm reading, posting it to my stories and tagging him. I know this will probably blow out the internet, but I don't care, I'm so in love that I might stop breathing, he and I are approaching two years together and it's so unbelievable, if you've told me two years ago, that Austin would be mine, I probably would've laughed in your face, but it's true and it's of so amazing.

I can't wait to see what our future has in store for us, but I'm hopeful that we'll get through everything, like we have so far, by being open and communicative, by listening to each other, knowing when and where to set boundaries. Dedicating our time to helping each other grow and stay happy and healthy.

All because loving him is golden like daylight and the delicate beginning rush we felt so long ago never seems to leave us, only growing in intensity, fueling us to always come back and be here.

Tags: @galaxygirl453 @rainydayz101 @samaraannhan20 @marlowmode @myradiaz @areuirish @micaelainthe60s @homebodybirkin2003 @pennyroyalcreep @purejasmine  @strokesofstokes @lanasfloridakiloss @denised916 @kibumslatina @macey234 @melodixs-blog @shantellescrivener @chewiethecatus @guacala @fangirl125reader @father-of-2cats @lucid315 @melodixs-blog @ilovehobi101 @richardslady121 @jensmithin @julie181 @chrisevansgirl34 @ranaissingle @onecrazydirectioner @maria-1287 @austinbutlerssimp @kingdomforapony @acoolnight @tarot-sybarite @goldenmarygio @frozenhuntress67 @anonyboo63478338 @littlewhiterose @thefallofthedamned @1eminicookie @rose-deathman @iheqrtaustin @desitravelsblog @prompted-wordsmith @austinsvlrslut @crystallizedth0t @hertvgirl @peanutbutterinacup @austinswhitewolf

Songs referenced:

[targaryenofrph]

The First Time by Kelsea Ballerini Sentence Starters

Change the pronouns and tense as needed for your verses.

"You might be acting like you're my man" "You're still in love with your ex"

"I'm not one to be anybody's second best"

"Stop holding onto me when the truth is you can't let go"

"I might be platinum blonde, but I ain't dumb"

"I guess I had a naive heart because I let you have it"

"You said I was your only"

"Never thought you'd leave me lonely"

"You're just a lost boy with your head up in the clouds"

"You'll never grow up"

"Deep down, I knew that you were too good to be true"

"Every piece and part of me wanted to believe in you

"Show me what you're made of"

"I don't have time to waste on the boys that are playing the games"

"If you're gonna talk the talk, you better walk it"

"I've had my share of losers, liars, and users looking for a heart to break"

"Wouldn't that be boring?"

"You know that you don't have to go where they go"

"You can go write your own story"

"Who do you wanna be?"

"There's a lot of open doors you can go and explore"

"Just because you're different doesn't mean you're crazy"

"I hate to admit it but my hands are shaking"

"Looks like feelings don't always change their minds"

"Guess somethings never change"

"Just like living in a flashback... you let me down again"

"That's why the past should be the past"

"Nothing's changed except the time that's passed"

"That's why good-bye should mean good-bye the first time"

"I'm kicking myself for believing in you again"

"Even when you don't have me you can still be the one to hurt me"

"It must feel good to know that I'm still holding on to letting go"

"The night is young and so are we"

"There's a spot I know down the road we can go"

"Doesn't it make you feel so small?"

"Your reputation beats you"

"I guess I'm just not the running kind

"You were nothing but trouble"

"I've always had a weakness for a terrible and twisted storm"

"Sometimes you could hear a pin drop or the ticking of the clock"

"Am I the product of a problem that I couldn't change?"

"I know that you can't walk across a bridge that's already burned"

"Sometimes I hear myself saying hand-me-down words"

"I wanna prove me wrong, but I'm scared I'll prove me right"

"I know everybody wants you"

"Go ahead and say what you're gonna say, give it to me straight, don't sugarcoat it"

"Go ahead and do what you're gonna do"

"We're already done, I already know it"

"You don't get to get to me"

"I wear my pain like stilettos"

"As bad as it may hurt, you'll never know"

"I talk the talk like I'm a tough girl"

"When you get burned, you learn to be strong"

"A little black dress to cover my mess so you won't know my heart is breaking"

"You got that something in your eyes, I think about it all the time"

"I'm trying to keep it cool"

"You shine and you can't even help it"

"Your eyes could make the moon jealous"

"Every song that's playing gets me thinking about you"

"All we ever think about is fun"

"Doesn't everyone wanna sit on top of the world?"

"The nights are young and our IDs are fake"

[arrow-translates]

EMPEROR - WE ON FIRE!!! [Akan Yatsura ft. Kumi Koda]

【IORI】 【ZEN】 【HOKUSAI】 【SATSUKI】 【REO】 【KODA】

(See end for translation notes.)

(Yeah, yeah! Akan Yatsura, with KUMI!)

Everybody what’s up?

Ooh, yeah, yeah

Oh, what’s up man?

Ooh, baby yeah

(We on fire!)

Since we’re headed for hell whether we live or die,

let’s keep on laughing, we’re a six-shot revolver 

It’s judgement time, a festival, so get a riot started

Look like the moon’s in high spirits tonight!

Words upon words, chopped and combined into verse

Don’t let the shock kill you, we’re conquering this beat

So surrender all control to us

Leaving bullet holes like stars in the sky!

Go! Go! We gonna turn it up!

Go! Go! We gonna turn it up!

Oh lai-lai-lai-lai-lai

We are the emperor

Sitting on the top

Burn it all right to the ground

Oh, lai-lai-lai-lai-lai

We are the emperor

Sitting on the top

A fire set ablaze in our hearts,

we on fire!

Hot hot hot, we gonna burn it up

Hot hot hot, we gonna light up

Hot hot hot, we let our passion burn 

Hot hot hot, we on fire

Hot hot hot, we gonna burn it up

Hot hot hot, we gonna light up

Hot hot hot, we let our passion burn

Hot hot hot, we on fire

This town’s neon lights shine like a moonlight shower,

follow 'em like a guiding light down the champ's road!

Yeah, this world is in the palm of our hand

The hate you throw our way rings like a gong to make us stronger

Giving everything we have to crush the competition,

we’re the real deal, showing off our raw power

Leaving the bodies behind in the past,

Akan Yastura! We’re taking control of the future!

Midnight, music playing, on some emperor shit,

performing to the whole world on nothing but instinct

Shockwaves never waited for anyone

There’s no team better than us

Yo! Even the flames of hell to us are just a campfire,

burn “A” and “K” into your mind with our typewriter

With music that moves your very soul,

we’re Akan Yatsura! KUMI KODA!

Go! Go! We gonna turn it up!

Go! Go! We gonna turn it up!

Oh lai-lai-lai-lai-lai

We are the emperor

Sitting on the top

Burn it all right to the ground

Oh, lai-lai-lai-lai-lai

We are the emperor

Sitting on the top

A fire set ablaze in our hearts,

we on fire!

Hot hot hot, we gonna burn it up

Hot hot hot, we gonna light up

Hot hot hot, we let our passion burn 

Hot hot hot, we on fire

Hot hot hot, we gonna burn it up

Hot hot hot, we gonna light up

Hot hot hot, we let our passion burn

Hot hot hot, we on fire

You can’t stop us, so keep it burning (Keep it burning!)

Keep on dancing, shake your body (Shake your body!)

Won’t let you get in the way, take it warning (Take it warning!)

Under the moonlight I’ll show y’all magic (Show y’all magic!)

You can’t stop us, so keep it burning (Keep it burning!)

Keep on dancing, shake your body! 

Go! Go! We gonna turn it up!

Go! Go! We gonna turn it up!

Oh lai-lai-lai-lai-lai

We are the emperor

Sitting on the top

Burn it all right to the ground

Oh, lai-lai-lai-lai-lai

We are the emperor

Sitting on the top

A fire set ablaze in our hearts,

we on fire!

Hot hot hot, we gonna burn it up

Hot hot hot, we gonna light up

Hot hot hot, we let our passion burn 

Hot hot hot, we on fire

Hot hot hot, we gonna burn it up

Hot hot hot, we gonna light up

Hot hot hot, we let our passion burn

Hot hot hot, we on fire

–

♡ TRANSLATION NOTES ♡

[1] ~we're a six-shot revolver

ie. A bullet for each person in this song, including Koda

[2] Words upon words, chopped and combined into verse / ...Leaving bullet holes like stars in the sky!

I'm just going to have to ask that you trust me on these ones, lol.

Iori's lyrics tend to have a lot of imagery that doesn't translate very clearly, so I have to get creative... These are my best approximations of what the lyrics are going for, but they're far enough from a direct TL that I think it's worth justifying.

[3] Leaving the bodies behind in the past

Lit. moving past the corpses

With Reo's following line about the future, I chose to interpret this as a 'learning to move past our trauma' since in AKYR's case their trauma literally is dozens of dead bodies...

[fullofgutsndopamine]

No Ones Gonna Love Me (like you did)

or: the one where you invite hasan over for dinner

FITPS!verse (masterlist soon; part of a series)

TW/ cursing, alcohol, mention of nightmares, insomnia, implied past child abuse (not graphic)

"you look like shit."

hasan huffs, rubs a hand over his face, "Yeah, i-" she don't give him time to answer, using her thumb to hold his chin up to the light, turning his face over in the lights.

"Seriously, Hasan," she shakes her head, turning his ghoulish white face in the light from side to side, "are you sleeping?"

he sighs, "yeah, i'm sleeping-"

his voice is gentle, a lie, feels bad lying to her-

"seriously, Hasan," there's concern laced in her voice, "you look like you haven't slept in years. tell me the truth, or i'll ask Amelie."

he huffs, rolls his eyes on this threat (as if Amelie doesn't run into the library every day and pull on her cardigan sleeves, "hasan said he only got one hour of sleep last night." she pauses, her eyebrows laced together, "i'm worried.")

but her hand goes from pulling at his face at all these different lights and angles to resting against the side of his face.

finally, he leans against her hand, really taking in the feeling, a gentle sigh, "Just havin' a little trouble sleeping is all, i guess."

his eyes stay shut against her hand.

her voice drops, because she knows hasan would hate if people heard this part of him:

"hasan," she says gently, "is it the nightmares again?"

he huffs, the scared part of him that hides in her when you two sleep together gone,

"'m fine, princess'" he says, takes her hand, "i promise."

brings her hand to his mouth and kisses the top of it, makes her roll your eyes but red still races to your face.

she knows in passing, of the nightmares. the way he tosses and turns in bed, sweating, gripping onto the sheets for dear life, waking up borderline hysterical, his face hidden in her so he doesn't wake Amelie up, even when he's worried he's half dying, that his parent lurks behind a doorway, down the hall, ready to pounce-

"you lie," she says simply, dropping her voice, "let me take care of you for once, come over for dinner tonight, my treat."

he sighs, rubs his eyes, "i can't. i got amelie-"

she hits his shoulder gently, "the both of you, obviously." she rolls her eyes, "you two are a package deal."

he sighs, runs his hand through his hair, "i dunno-

mentally he goes through the list of things he has to do: laundry, pack Amelie's lunch, bath time, homework-fuck, he should probably take a shower too-

but he thinks of spending half the night alone, amelie tangled in her own things to do, and the familiar ache and gnaw of loneliness pulls at his stomach-

"i'll pull out my secret weapon if i have to." she teases gently and finally, finally he smiles-

"Yeah?" he snorts, takes a step closer to you, so your bellies practically touch, "and what's that, princess?”

a large, toothy smile out of her, "Amelie." it's simply, all it takes, and he knows it, groans. one mention of her being able to go to your house for dinner and it's over for him.

"fine," he sighs, "if you're sure-"

a nod from her, "positive. five o' clock, don't be late."

and he snorts, leans in, a gentle kiss to your forehead, "five. we'll be there."

and he's walking up the stairs, hand in hand with amelie before she can second guess yourself.

the problem with inviting hasan over for dinner is mostly that fact that it's the eighth wonder of the world how she’s alive. cooking isn't her strong spot, and hasan will insist on paying if she orders food in (or she’ll find it in your running shoes day later)

so with the only plan to get home and try her best, she dips out of work early and race home, and start.

"baby," hasan sighs, has been pacing by the staircase the last ten minutes, "c'mon, we're gonna be late."

some stomping, a vague noise of something being thrown, and her voice sounds like it's stuck in something, comes back muted and far away, she yells back: "one second!"

being alone with his thoughts is dangerous.

he turns, looks in the old mirror that hangs by the closet by the front door.

fuck he thinks i need a haircut.

he adjusts his shirt sleeves. a long sleeve button down was probably too much. decides to roll the sleeve up to his elbows, hope it doesn't look too wrinkly, though it was in the back of his closet.

his jeans are the only pair he has that don't have rips or grease or any sort of black stain on them, a nicer pair (as far as stuff he owns goes), found them shoved in the back of his closet in a corner, told himself he'd never have an occasion to wear them-

"Aimes!" he yells again, deciding if he looks at himself any long he's going to overthink it and just not go-

only to be face to face with amelie.

she carries her stuffed rabbit under her arm, was hasan’s, passed down to her now ("to keep you safe'" he said gently when he gave it to her)

"i'm right here, hasan," she giggles, "here." and she passes a rubber band to him a small comb, and him, with no care in the world for being in the threshold of the door, drops to his knees and slowly combs her hair. his fingers work slowly, but delicately, a messy braid as he puts the rubber band around it-

"perfect, let's get your coat."

he stands, bundles her up, picks her up and she's on his hip, the stuffed rabbit squished between their bellies-

even though it's december, and dark early and cold, taking the truck seems like a waste of gas (and he can't convince himself to spend anymore money on gas. plus, it would take a miracle, three prayers and a sacrifice for the truck to turn on, depending on its mood)

by the time they get to her door, they're all but shivering, but she ushers them in, take the coats.

her face is pink when hasan hands his coat over, seeing him, dressed semi nicely for once, not in clothes that don't have his shops logo on it, or an old band or hockey shirt, makes you blush for some silly reason-

"you clean up nicely." she teases gently.

he sighs, pulls on his shrit, "yeah uhm. Amelie insisted-"

it's a lie, and amelie gasps, "I did-"

but he covers her mouth, "darling, i think i just saw her cat in the kitchen-"

and she gasps and is off.

"kids these days," hasan tries to laugh, but his face is pink, "you uh-" he shakes his head, "look amazing."

and now it's her turn to snort, because he's lying, has to be. she’s wearing an old apron, old stains no matter how much she’s washer it, torn and worn with age, jeans and an old reading shirt the library put together two summers ago-

"Charming, as always." she finally says, and his face is still pink.

"oh uh-here."

he holds up a small bag, and before she can argue, he rolls his eyes: "i'm a gentleman, god damn it. i can't come empty handed."

the bag contains a small bouquet of newspaper paper flowers, the kind she taught Amelie how to make a few days prior, as she was poured over the kitchen table, teaching hasan, and a small bottle of wine.

"hasan," she clicks her tongue, taking the bouquet of flowers and thinking of where to put them, turning the label of wine

he interrupts you, "none of that, i have some manners."

it quiet for a second, weighing the flowers and wine in her hand for a second, he claps his hands:

"put me to work. what's left?"

and realistically, she wanted it to be like those lazy sundays in she dreamt of with him-he sleeps in, no nightmares, wakes up well rested and ready for the day. he spends the day in, and shes by his side, amelie runs between you two-

she shakes the thought from her head, almost too pathetic-

hasan stirs the spaghetti sauce.

it was hidden in the bottom of the freezer, but is just as good as new, a recipe passed down and down until it finally got to her-

"smells amazing," hasan all but gushes, wears a pink kiss the cook apron she all but insisted he wore so he didn't ruin the nice shirt, "i hope you didn't go through too much trouble for us."

amelie giggles, on her belly in the middle of the kitchen, plays with the small kitten that usually darts inbetween your legs,

"Anything for you." she says, and she means it, smiling when she sees how he blushes and messes with his shirt sleeves.

dinner is served on plates passed down to her, but it's all the same to them. amelie sits next to hasan and talks with her hands to the two of them about school, and hasan engages the entire time, and a smile never leaves your face as you watch him in his element.

hasan insists she sits while he cleans the dishes, pours a small glass of wine as she sits on the small island. he sings along quietly to the songs on the radio, even if he doesn't know it, makes up his own lyrics as amelie dodges inbetween his legs, chasing the cat and teasing hasan-

night falls and the two collapse onto the too small couch in her front room; hasan’s legs all but fall over the edge of it, but he doesn't seem bothered, curled up between him and the couch, amelie passed out on the floor

his voices comes back low, deep with sleep, and she thought he was long passed out: "thank you, for tonight. i-i needed it."

the pad of his thumb draws circles over your cheek, the only other indication he's awake.

"always," she says gently, looking up at him, "i mean it whenever you need it."

a lazy laugh out of him, "i'll remember that, princess.”

and a few minutes later, the circles stop and a quiet snore from him, and you know you accomplished the small task.

hasan dreams of ways to make it up to you.

[fukuokadivision1]

SUMMIT OF DIVISIONS (MIHANASA & Kiya Kara Ver.)

Bring the Beat!

[All:]

Here we go (here we go), east and west

Connecting divisions (divisions) with this microphone

Old and young, come together and make our voices a chorus

The battle is locals vs. Chuohku

Here we go (here we go), you and me

Right and left, me and you

Overcoming blood relations and troublesome connections

Anyway, this party, let’s get it on

A night where shocking oaths crowd around

The no.1 mic that aims at our days

Let us drink and sing, get wired as we like

A party night limited to only one stage, make love

Hop, skip, and jump, taking the initiative asap

Let’s get started

Reverberating sound and hearts

If we don’t have fun, there’s no point

Let’s go!

[Sanyu:]

In a world that's obsessed with the norm

I spit rhymes in a storm, breakin' the form

"Average," they say, but I won't conform

I'm the queen of the ring, not just another swarm

I shed the label, it's a societal scorn

Normal's a myth, in my truth, I'm reborn

From the ashes of the past, my spirit's torn

In the beat of the streets, a new rebel's sworn

[Tasuku:]

Fate's a gamble, destiny's a lie

I'm the master of my path, under the sky

No dice, no cards, no fate to defy

I carve my own way, never gonna say die

[Ming:]

For the lost souls in Fukuoka's nights

We stand as guardians, igniting their rights

In slums we rise, our bond ignites

MIHANASA's vow, to reach new heights

[All:]

A night where shocking oaths crowd around

The no.1 mic that aims at our days

Let us drink and sing, get wired as we like

A party night limited to only one stage, make love

Hop, skip, and jump, taking the initiative asap

Let’s get started

Reverberating sound and hearts

If we don’t have fun, there’s no point

Let’s go!

[Ryūzō:]

In the shadows of my past, I've danced with death's embrace

A silent whisper in the dark, a ghost without a trace

From ninja to professor, I've found my space

Teaching truth in every verse, in every line I face

The darkness of my history, a canvas for my art

The former life I lived, the pain was off the charts

But in this classroom, I've found a brand new start

Kiya Kara's my redemption, Sendai's where I impart

[Takumi:]

In the gym where spirits soar, I'm the force that never rests

Pushing limits, breaking sweat, putting wills to the test

Life's a challenge, face it head-on, that's my quest

With every drop of sweat, we're becoming our best

[Kotono:]

Medicine and physics, my dual domain

Healing bodies, teaching minds, in the academic lane

For my sister, lost but not in vain

I'll unravel every mystery, break every chain

[All:]

Here we go (here we go), east and west

Connecting divisions (divisions) with this microphone

Old and young, come together and make our voices a chorus

The battle is locals vs. Chuohku

Here we go (here we go), you and me

Right and left, me and you

Overcoming blood relations and troublesome connections

Anyway, this party, let’s get it on

A night where shocking oaths crowd around

The no.1 mic that aims at our days

Let us drink and sing, get wired as we like

A party night limited to only one stage, make love

Hop, skip, and jump, taking the initiative asap

Let’s get started

Reverberating sound and hearts

If we don’t have fun, there’s no point

Let’s go!

Fukuoka! (Hey!)

Sendai! (Ho!)

Edogawa! (Hey!)

Shizuoka! (Ho!)

Kobe! (Hey!)

Kanazawa! (Ho!)

If you stan them, put your hands up! (Ho!)

Boys! (Hey!) Girls! (Ho!)

Gentlemen! (Hey!) Ladies! (Ho!)

Middle aged men! (Hey!) Mature women! (Ho!)

If you're there, raise your voice! (Ho!)

[Sanyu:]

Step to me, you'll learn quick why "normal" ain't my tale

I'll unleash a damn storm, and watch as you all flail!

Try to chain me again, I'll shatter your scale

MC Rogue's wrath, in this fight, I prevail!

[Ryūzō:]

Cross my path, you'll meet shadows where death once tread

An assassin still lingers, my silence, your dread

Dare to challenge my peace, I'll paint your end in red

Kage's blade, leave opposition in shreds!

[Tasuku:]

Life's a gamble, step up, it's time to cash in your chip

My destiny's mine to wield, this rap battle's my grip

Ante up, face the storm, I'll sink your ship

Katame's resolve, watch your footing slip!

[Takumi:]

Think my class is tough? Oppose us and feel the sting

I'll school you in pain, let the real lesson begin

Corporal's my game, with each verse I bring

GUTS on the stage, feel the punishment I sling!

[Ming:]

Monsters roam our land, but none as fierce as I'll be

Threaten my kin, my city, unleash the beast in me

For the children's future, I'll fight, you'll see

Miss Ming's fury, a protector's decree!

[Kotono:]

Dare to harm us, I'll show you Chuohku's dark side

Experiments of horror, a past I won't let slide

My knowledge, believe me, it's a terrifying ride

Shiki's secret weapon, you've nowhere to hide

[All:]

Here we go (here we go), east and west

Connecting divisions (divisions) with this microphone

Old and young, come together and make our voices a chorus

The battle is locals vs. Chuohku

Here we go (here we go), you and me

Right and left, me and you

Overcoming blood relations and troublesome connections

Anyway, this party, let’s get it on

A night where shocking oaths crowd around

The no.1 mic that aims at our days

Let us drink and sing, get wired as we like

A party night limited to only one stage, make love

Hop, skip, and jump, taking the initiative asap

Let’s get started

Reverberating sound and hearts

If we don’t have fun, there’s no point

Let’s go!

[sirserpentine]

Thread Tracker:

Drafts:13 Queue:1 Inbox:1

Mainverse:

Before the Hotel:

@circus-frog

Ow. Between them, they have two arms, one voice and zero legs.

Prototypes. Sir Pentious invents new arms and legs for Fizzarolli.

During the Hotel

@hazbinned:

We're trapped due to Madam Trainor! Angel's night-time prank ends up with him and Pentious getting locked up in Pentious' room. Time for a sleepover!

The Stage is Set. Alastor and Sir Pentious have decided to put on a play in the hotel and the rehearsals have started. Shenanigans ensue. (Part 2 of The Partner Directors.)

At the Blood Ball. Sir Pentious accompanies Alastor and Angel Dust to Rosie's ( @cannibalxroses ) Ball. Waltzing, food and drinks. And a lot of complicated emotions. /MY TURN

Distraction. Pentious wants to offer his friend ( @angie-long-legs ) a chance to have some fun. It requires him to avert Valentino's attention.

You're gonna need a bigger boat. Husk and Sir Pentious try to make the best of a forced fun day on the beach, but some disturbing freaks of nature do everything in their power to ruin it for them. /MY TURN

The Road Trip of Hell. The Hotel Gang decides to go on a week-long road trip to the edges of Pentagram City and beyond. What could go wrong?

@radioiaci:

Human Holiday. Two demons go on a very unusual vacation to the living world. /MY TURN @rradiio

The Hellanovela. Pentious meets Arackniss in a dark alleyway after some long decades.

Afternoon stroll. Sir Pentious makes acquaintance with Rosie, the charming Overlord of Cannibal Town. /MY TURN

The Naughty Stool. Kuwako doesn't take kindly to Pentious' disrespect. /MY TURN

@poisonedspider Is it true that snakes have two...? Angel Dust is curious about some rumours he heard. Oh boy- Beautiful. Angel and Sir Pentious apologise for past grievances. /MY TURN

Pole Dance. Angel gives a very hot performance at the club. /MY TURN

Ledge. Pentious tries to prevent something horrible from happening. (Trigger Warning.) /MY TURN

Gala. Pentious decides to surprise Angel with an elegant night out.

Sneak-in. NSFW

Father's Day. Angel has big news for Pentious.

One, two, three. Pentious and Angel are in for a surprise.

@angie-long-legs

The flood. Pentious helps and cares for Angel when he is amid some traumatic memories.

Sobriety. The heartwarming story about how a spider and a snake learn that they have so much more in common than they thought. :)

Breakfast Buddies.

The truth.

Spa day.

@doublejango

Date.

In Heaven:

@hazbinned Reunion. Emily and Sir Pentious infiltrate Hell to say hello to their friends.

Crepes. Alastor brings Pentious breakfast. Honeymoon phase times 1000. @poisonedspider

We meet again. Angel redeems and ascends to Heaven. He has an old friend waiting for him there!

AUs:

Verse: Probation @hazbinned An alternate reality where Sir Pentious and Alastor both perish in the battle against the exorcists. They end up in Heaven together, as Angels on probation, which wouldn't be too bad if Pentious could still remember something... Emily tries her best to guide their lost souls. Overture. The first redeemed Sinners arrive in Heaven. /MY TURN

Verse: Swapped @hazbinned Alastor makes a well-intentioned wish that has terrible consequences.

Swapped. Alastor descends into a new reality. Verse: Everlasting Sun @veneror in the 1970s, Cyrus Pendrous, a sheltered vampire born in the Victorian era follows the guidance of a self-help book and travels to New York in search of new experiences. He meets a dazzling and sweet drag performer named Angel Dust. They are whisked away on an adventure that takes them all the way to Europe.

Sunrise. A vampire and a drag queen walk into a bar... Verse: You Are the Light After Our Storm @radiiosugars Alternate reality. Rosie sees a potential match between two sewing widows and sets them up on a blind date. Maybe it isn't too late to dream of a family?

The blind date. The two Victorian single pringles are set up. /MY TURN

Verse: The Unholy Crusade

@hells-sirenqueen

Comfort. There cannot be enough in the Unholy Crusade.

Verse: The Flying Serpent Sir Pentious is an elusive Overlord, who oversees a community that resides high in the air.

@top-shelf-tender

Up and away. Pentious finds an injured Sinner out on a patrol after an Extermination.

Verse: Hallmarkisms. Alastor is a jaded businessman in town for just a short visit. Pentious runs his own bakery in his lonesome. You know how it goes.

Meet cute.

Archived:

@hazbinned

The Partner Directors. Alastor and Sir Pentious can't bear the sight of cheap television programs any longer. Out of mutual agreement, they decide to burn it to crisp and make more civilised entertainment themselves. Angel joins their pitch party.

@radioiaci

Dadalastor. Alastor is tasked with looking after the Egg Boiz for a night. Are there some things that are too much even for The Radio Demon?

Bite. Some simple wound mending takes an interesting turn. Fangs are involved.

Blood Pancakes. Pentious surprises Alastor with a peculiar dinner. Things are rather GAY. Then, a horrible accident happens. NSFW

The Dawn. Pentious recovers from his injuries and gets used to a new reality with Alastor's help.

@angie-long-legs

The princess was sitting there, barbeque sauce on his titties... Pentious notices Angel alone at the Blood Ball. This won't do!

[theragamuffininitiative]

Hey happy birthday!! For the song ask game I'd take 7 and 66 if you're willing to do two songs!

Hiiiiiiiii! Thank you! 😊💞

7. Shine by Christa Wells (the early tracks on this list make me go, oh yeah, forgot I was vibing to that one, but this is genuinely a deeply lovely song. "He shines his light through a prism, we give back what we're given to color this world, color this world." I love to listen to this one when I'm feeling pretty down on myself because of how gently the verses address those feelings. God bless Christa Wells.)

66. I Don't Know by Ross King (big oof song uh ok. written about how we should aim our hearts toward those in our lives we don't see eye-to-eye with. when I was seeing so much hate this past year, especially from and among fellow Christians, I wanted to sit all of them down with me to listen to this song together. And I'm just gonna quote the whole ending because 🥺, "I don't know what Jesus meant, when he prayed that we be one just like the Spirit and the Father were with him. And after that prayer I know he went and let Judas kiss his face and made Peter put his sword away. So I don't know why it's so hard to believe that even when it feels like you're my enemy, that I'm still called to love you as much as I love me - and maybe that explains it, because sometimes I see my own reflection and I hate it... it's complicated. But I know God made both of us with love and wonder, and I know that your life matters just as much as mine. So any battle that I win against your flesh and blood and skin puts me at odds with my own kin like Cain and Abel all over again. Truth is, you're my neighbor not my foe. I don't want to win this fight and lose my soul. So I'll try to love, because there's so much that I don't know." .... anyways, God bless Ross King too.)