#❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ KIM YUNHO ⠀﹕ ⠀colloquy.

[admelira]

xx @nouvelis

“do i not look like i am?” she cannot be more transparent than she is now with a telltale beam that hides nothing. it will be futile and what good will come out of more hiding? perhaps she should harbour more resentment for him after the fallout, yet she has never come close to loathing him no matter how much it hurt — seems impossible when she could understand why he felt compelled to make the decision that ruined them both. she has to fight the treacherous tears that threaten to fall from his next words. how many times has the same thought crossed her mind? how many times has she replayed his voice in her head saying it back? “i’ve missed you too.” i’ve never stopped. “ah, is that so?” isn’t it so glaringly obvious? the quiver of her lips and the breathlessness in her voice, yet she tries to keep her voice as cheery as it normally is. “i wonder how long he’s been planning this.”

it is not unusual for the songwriter to receive compliments for her work, but they feel different when they come from him. his words matter much more in ways that she cannot explain. he’s the first person she used to seek with unheard tunes and scribbled lyrics, now his words mean even more with the unspoken implications that hang in the air — how she has already confessed too much without having to utter another word. she should’ve known better than to think she could get away with baring her heart on her albums with no consequences. she has been told it is what makes her songs so haunting, the way she bleeds in them. her heart beats faster than she can cope with and her gaze falls to her palms. “you do?” she tries not to fidget but how can she not when she feels so utterly exposed? he knows, doesn’t he? how can he not? “they’re not too... melodramatic?”

she feels the same way she felt when she first heard the news from junso, overwhelmed to the brink of tears even when the accomplishments aren’t her own everything has changed yet so much hasn’t — they still share the passion they had for their art all those years ago, his eyes still light up the way they did when he talks about what makes him feel alive. “i think that’s beautiful.” she wishes there’s a way to better describe how proud she is, but there are feelings too tremendous to be captured by words. “you helped me find mine, too.” it was there before he walked into her life, only more shattered than what she could hold with trembling hands — but he believed in her even on days she saw no hope. she hasn’t forgotten — she doesn’t think she ever will. “you’ve always been such a great teacher — the kids are lucky to have you.” just like she was lucky to have him. “i’m really proud of you.”

“i’m surprised that you are, and wouldn’t have blamed you if never wanted to see me again, given our last ... conversation.” conversation. he winces at his poor choice of word. that day is clear as crystal in his memory, and it was anything but a conversation. rather, a scenario that yunho worked on for weeks, and could not stick to faced with the woman he loved. scenario that resulted in more pain than he could have ever anticipated, foolishly underestimating seoah’s will to save him, and their relationship. “i  —  ” i’m sorry is on the tip of his tongue, yet stuck in his throat. is a simple sorry enough? is anything enough to make up for BREAKING them both? no matter the time that passes, nothing will ever erase her tear-stained face, and pleas not to do this to them, from his memory. nor, the reminders of the devastation he caused in his former loved, even after he’d walked out of her life  —  a voicemail, on his birthday. long pauses between words, in an attempt to keep the pain from bleeding in her voice, but he knew the other too well not to notice the depth of her sadness. he remembers playing it over and over until his phone died, and crying more than he ever did before from sheer hopelessness. “i'm sorry. for everything.” cracking voice can barely be heard over the bustle of the café, and misty eyes remain fixed on a point above her shoulder. “thank you for allowing me to be in your presence.” however long it’ll be. “if i were to take a wild guess, i’d say three years.” a small laugh escapes him, but it’s hollow. the elephant in the room suffocates him, but he hasn’t quite gathered enough courage to fully address it.

“i’ve always been your biggest fan.” from the very first time hearing her sing, to reading over lyrics she was willing to share with him, yunho has always been blown away by the other’s talent. her voice touching his heart in a manner no other voice ever had, and lyrics dripping with so much genuineness that he felt them deep in his bones. this album was no exception, and unsurprisingly the rawness with which she laid her heart bare in the songs impacted him more than any other songs written, before the break up. he would lie if he said listening through all the tracks was a walk in the park. it wasn’t. the emotions tangible as she sang her heart out, and yunho had no other choice but to fully take in the painful reality he forced seoah in. “it hasn’t changed.” it never would. no matter their future together, be it as friends or strangers, yunho’s support would never waver, nor would his love for her music. “you earned the right to be a little melodramatic, i would say.” he’s quick to add, “not that i think your songs are ! they are ... sincere.” he’s never been the best with words. clearly. 

“thank you. it means a lot that you think so.” a little spark, in walking into a dance studio after two years of avoiding any reminder of what truly made him feel alive, was all it took to reignite yunho’s all consuming love for his art. he’d sat for hours on the wooden floor, smiling so wide his cheeks ached, and memories of performances flooded his brain. it became part of his weekly routine, a visit to the dance studio doing nothing but reminisce, until the scratch to dance became impossible to ignore. terrified, he took the plunge and hasn’t stopped dancing since. he’s nowhere the dancer he used to be, but it doesn’t matter. “it was already there, i didn’t do much.” his own ordeal has made him fully realise how tough it must have been for her, to get back on her feet then. even more so, with the constant pressure they were under as trainees. she didn’t have the luxury of solely focusing on her recovery, like he did. as if he couldn’t admire her strength more. “i think ... when you love something, sincerely, it never goes away. not even when life shatters it, and putting the pieces back together seems hopeless.” there’s more to his comment than talking about lost passion, and as he looks right at seoah he hopes she gets what he’s trying to tell her. “the kids made me realise it’s what i was meant to do, all along.” as much as he loved performing and sharing his art with a large crowd, teaching was more fulfilling to him. “would you ... you could come and visit me at the studio, one of these days.” is he getting ahead of himself? does she even wanna see him again, after today? “if you want, and have the time to.” i’m proud of you. he sucks in a deep breath, and pushes down the treacherous tears welling up in his eyes. he can’t describe how good it feels to hear those words from her, and how long been wanting to hear them. coming from her, they mean everything to him. all he can say in response is, “i’m proud of you, too.”

[admelira]

❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ EDEN SEO-KWON ⠀﹕ ⠀physiognomy.   ⠀  ❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ EDEN SEO-KWON ⠀﹕ ⠀study.   ⠀  ❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ EDEN SEO-KWON ⠀﹕ ⠀colloquy.   ⠀  ❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ BOND ⠀﹕ ⠀kyungsoo & eden.   ⠀  ❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ BOND ⠀﹕ ⠀woohyun & eden.   

❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ KIM YUNHO ⠀﹕ ⠀physiognomy.   ⠀ ❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ KIM YUNHO ⠀﹕ ⠀study.   ⠀ ❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ KIM YUNHO ⠀﹕ ⠀colloquy.   ⠀ ❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ BOND ⠀﹕ ⠀seoah & yunho.   ⠀ ❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ BOND ⠀﹕ ⠀junso & yunho.  

❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ ZION YEUN ⠀﹕ ⠀physiognomy.   ⠀ ❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ ZION YEUN ⠀﹕ ⠀study.   ⠀ ❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ ZION YEUN ⠀﹕ ⠀colloquy.   ⠀ ❪ ⠀ * ⠀ ─── ⠀ BOND ⠀﹕ ⠀yuna & zion.   ⠀      ⠀