#❨ a: whitestone. ❩ i know what it’s like staying up all night nursing wounds.

[arc-erzmagier]

(definitely anonymously) what would it take for you to believe that the de rolos do care about you and only want you to be safe?

“ nothing within their power . ”  the answer is quick and a cop - out all the same ,  though she’s going to stick by it .  to be honest ,  at least to herself ,  astrid isn’t certain that she knows how to feel safe any more ,  which makes their intentions for naught ,  anyway .

[arc-erzmagier]

LORD DE ROLO  :  i just need to know you’re okay.

astrid doesn’t shake ,  doesn’t falter .  she doesn’t know if she could if she tried  --  every method used against the de rolos ,  against whitestone ,  against the three of them is one that she’s intimately familiar with ,  lessons swirling through her brain with his voice behind them ,  but stoicism is a virtue ,  and a wall that she’s retreated behind .  there are bigger concerns here than her own roiling feelings about what has happened ,  than her meager defensive wounds .

lord de rolo’s words ,  however ,  at least get her attention  --  dark eyes looking just over his shoulder ,  attentive but respectful ,  a return to form yet again .  it’s now that she remembers that her body aches ,  that her hand is staunching the bloodflow of a slash on her arm ,  that all around is a cacophony of sound ,  of people that have endured much and are being made to endure more .

“ i’ll be alright , ”  she says ,  more out of rote than out of honesty .  at the very least ,  she needs to find wulf ,  needs to use his divine magic to stop her head from swimming .  no matter the affection that @deniesmercy​ might bear for the three of them ,  or whatever other reason he claims to be why he’s taken them in so warmly ,  that doesn’t make her his problem .

[arc-erzmagier]

LORD  DE  ROLO  SENDS  :  It’s just water. It’s just water, here, I’ll drink some, see? It’s just water.

dark  eyes  watch  @deniesmercy​  carefully ,  watch  him  drink  the  water ,  as  her  brain  flicks  through  every  single  poison  that  one  could  build  an  immunity  to .  she  wants  to  turn  him  down ,  to  reject  this  kindness  as  she  is  so  used  to ,  knowing  that  it  will  put  her  in  his  debt  to  accept .  but . . . are  not  she  and  wulf  already  so  firmly  in  his  debt  that  there  is  no  returning  from  it ?  killing  their  master  and  taking  them  away  is . . . one  thing ,  but  he  and  his  friends  are  going  to  free  their  bren  and  give  him  back  to  them ,  and  that  is  something  that  will  never  be  able  to  be  repaid .  curse  sentiment  —  it  makes  things  cost  more  than  otherwise .

wulf  is  asleep ,  so  she  won’t  feel  the  weight  of  judgement  in  his  blue  gaze  as  she  reaches  out  and  takes  the  canteen  from  his  hands .  she  doesn’t  hide  her  spellcasting  —  a  quick  detect  poison  won’t  hurt  her ,  after  all ,  but  not  having  the  ability  and  forethought  to  cast  it  had  cost  tobias  and  petra  their  lives  —  and ,  once  she  is  satisfied ,  she  takes  it  to  her  lips  to  drink ,  maintaining  eye  contact  all  the  while .  she  doesn’t  thank  him  as  she  hands  it  back ,  doesn’t  want  to  vocalize  her  continued  presence  indebted  to  him  —  debt  can  turn  so  quickly  into  subjugation ,  after  all .

[arc-erzmagier]

LORD  DE  ROLO  SENDS  :  I’m going to give you something for the pain now, okay? It will help.

the  first  sound  that  comes  out  of  her  mouth ,  entirely  unbidden ,  is  far  too  loud  as  it  hits  the  air  --    “ no ! ”    it  echoes  off  of  the  stone  walls  of  this  too - large  building ,  rings  in  her  ears .  where  has  all  of  her  careful  training  gone ?  why  can  she  not  be  graceful  about  this ?  why  must  she  be  rude ,  risking  her  and  her  boys’  place  in  this  strange  city ?    “ no , ”    she  repeats ,  quieter  and  yet  still  somehow  more  insistent .    “ i-i  don’t  --  i  don’t  like  medicine . ”    before ,  her argument  against  medicine  had  been  primarily  taste  and  stubbornness  based  --  she  doesn’t  want  to  drink  bitter  herbs  that  were  ground  together ,  like  a  tea  gone  bad .  and  now . . . now ,  the  only  image  that  plays  in  her  mind  is  that  of  herself ,  slipping  a  vial  oh  so  easily  into  her  parents’  servings  at  the  dinner  table ,  covert  and  unsuspected .

“ i  can  bear  it ,  i  can . ”    if  she  can  get  @deniesmercy​  to  take  her  to  eadwulf  --  no ,  with  her  leg  in  the  state  its  in ,  he’d  have  to  either  carry  her  himself  or  get  someone  else  to  do  it ,  and  she  can’t  have  that  --  to  bring  eadwulf  to  her ,  he  can  mend  her  up  enough  that  she  can  heal  on  her  own .  or  if  he’ll  give  her  enough  time  to  hobble  her  way  to  wherever  eadwulf  has  found  himself  today  --  probably  having  coffee  with  the  sister  of  the  man  trying  to  ‘ help ’  her .