#❝ the key to start my heart it’s beating loud so everybody knows. ❞ ( mon el. )

[svpcrqirl-blog]

tag drop !!

[wewillwriteyou]

No turning back || Ben Hardy (SMUT)

Summary: Y/N’s had a crush on Ben for a while but they are just friends. What would happen if they were to confront each other about what they really feel, at last?

Pairing: Ben x fem!reader

Word count: 4.5 k+

Warnings: SMUT under the cut!, 18+, some language, protected sex (always stay safe folks), references to cheating, FLUFF hell yeah

A/N: sooo yeah. Here we are with another one shot and, guess what? Still about Ben! We love that British dork more than we should, don’t judge us, people. We hope you’ll enjoy, folks, let us know what you think.

“You two are just made for each other, why don’t you just get on with it?!” Lucy spoke from the screen of your laptop.

You chuckled and shook your head, wishing you could agree with her “I already told you: you’re crazy, my friend”

“Bullshit, y/n, and you know it. Why don’t you just talk to him?”

You sighed “Because, last time I checked he had a girlfriend, and I don’t wanna mess around with anyone”

She rolled her eyes and smirked at you through the camera “C’ mon we both know that’s never gonna last and if you don’t act soon, you’ll miss your chance, doll” you see her becoming more serious “I don’t wanna see you get hurt like last time, that’s all I’m saying”

It sincerely moved you how deeply she cared for you. She had always had your back and always had been there for you through the good and the ugly, just like you had been for her.

Since you had started hanging out with her and her friends from work (almost a year ago, right after she had finished shooting Bohemian Rhapsody), she had always told you she had seen a spark fly between you and Ben since you first met each other.

Deep down you knew she was right: you had felt something strange going on with the butterflies in your stomach when the handsome Englishman had firstly shaken your hand. Something in his big green eyes, in the huge smile he greeted you with and the quick wink he gave you, had surely moved something inside you.

You had developed a small crush on him at first, but had never said anything to anyone. Anyone except Lucy, that had immediately understood everything and had started to root for the two of you to end up together.

You had soon become a part of their small group and they had welcomed you gladly, making you feel like a vital part of their small gang. The relationships you developed with all of them were different but special in every kind of way: you were sure you could always count on Lucy (your oldest friend) and now Rami, her boyfriend, for some advice or for a quiet and light-hearted evening in front of the tv or out drinking, but you had to admit you always had a blast when you hang out with them and the rest of the guys: Joe, Gwilym, Allen and Ben. When all of the boys were reunited they could give the best of themselves and always managed to make you crack up with both the silliest or most sophisticated jokes.

You were proud to call them all your friends.

But lately, things with Ben had become hugely more complicated.

Nearly six months into your acquaintance to the group, Ben had met Liza through a mutual friend and had started going out with her. In a matter of two weeks, they were together.

She was sincerely a nice girl and you couldn’t find a single thing that was wrong about her, not a single reason why they shouldn’t have been together. Lucy insisted she wasn’t worth half as much as you and that Ben honestly deserved better. And with better, she meant you, which usually made you either laugh or wonder if she was just saying that cause she was your friend.

“Ben’s just reasoning with the wrong end of his body”, she always repeated “You just have to wait till he realises that. Or else I’ll make him”

You always shook your head and smiled, but deep down, you hoped she was right. Your small crush had faded with the passing of months, segregated in a corner of your mind, and it’s not like you drooled behind him; however, you frequently found yourself wishing you could just for a moment, stop thinking and crash your lips onto his. Not to start anything serious, just to see what it’s like and to understand if the spark was just a spark or else, the possibility of something more.

“Anyhow,” Lucy’s cracking voice startled you from your thoughts. She was still on the other side of the screen “I’ll be at your place at 6, please be ready or I’ll tell Rami to start the car and drive away”

“I promise I will. Bye Luce”

Turning off your computer, you finished packing and turned on the shower. You and the gang had planned a weekend in Rami’s cabinet up in the hills to get away from the everyday life and stress. And obviously to drink everything you wanted without anyone having to drive.

Ben obviously wasn’t coming. He told you all he had plans with Liza, but everybody knew the truth. Liza was not completely fond of him hanging out with you. She didn’t know you had had feelings for him, or at least that’s what you knew; and yet somehow, as their relationship was growing, you realised Ben would always casually miss the seldom Saturday night out, just cause there would have been Lucy, Rami and the two of you.

Every now and then you felt like bursting out and standing up for your friendship, confronting Liza to tell her she had nothing to worry, that you would have not jumped on him when she wasn’t watching or stolen him from her. But you always clenched your fists and shut your mouth: if Ben really wanted to save your friendship, he would have talked to Liza to find a way.

It broke your heart thinking he did not care about you as much as you did about him.

When you arrived at the cabinet you immediately hugged Gwilym and Joe who were already there with some bags and boxes. You were ready to bet half of them contained alcohol.

You laughed “You realise we’re only here for, like, two days and a half, right? How much you intend to get us drunk?”

They chuckled and Joe answered for the both of them “You never know, y/n, we could be stuck here forever, we have to be ready”

You giggled and walked past them, following Lucy inside.

You all set up your rooms: Rami and Lucy in the main one and Gwilym, Joe and you in the guest room. You were not embarrassed of sleeping in their same room: they had basically become like older brothers to you and you knew they felt the same protective big-brother-y energy towards you.

After you all had dinner, the guys wanted to drive back into town: Allen had texted them there was a cool party at a friend of his.

“Guys we’re supposed to be getting away from the city, don’t you remember?” you protested, already dreaming of your comfortable pyjamas.

“Yeah” Joe answered “But they are giving away drinks and Allen said there’s quite a… fauna over there” and smirked to Gwilym, who smugly smiled and looked over to you.

“He had me at drinks, but that is a plus” he just added.

“You two are disgusting” you rolled your eyes.

Turning towards Lucy and Rami, you asked: “What do you think?”

“I think we should go, at least for the free drinks” Rami simply said, shrugging his shoulders.

“But we have plenty here!” you commented.

“Yeah but it’s not the same” Gwil jumped in and earned a fulminating look from you.

Lucy had been following your banter with the boys whilst texting on her phone. When she heard you stopped talking, she got up from the sofa to join you in the middle of the living room.

“I say we go,” she said.

You groaned in protest, while Joe and Gwil exulted and patted her on the shoulder.

“Why Luce? Just, why?” you asked.

She tried to hide a smug grin, “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to” she conceded with a smile.

You smiled gratefully “Thanks, Luce.”

“You can’t stay here alone, y/n” Rami commented “There are other houses but the closest one is down the hill, at least a mile away”

“I swear I won’t jump on the walls or off the balcony” you joked, Joe and Gwilym giggled. “C’ mon Rami, I can take care of myself”

“Yeah but in case of emergency-”

“-she’ll call us and we’ll be right back, right?” Lucy asked the other boys.

Gwil and Joe were nodding along and had weird, relaxed grins on their faces. You couldn’t tell if they were up to something or if they were simply impatient to go to the party.

Rami gave in with a sigh and reached for the car key “If you need anything, please just call” he said heading to the door.

“I will, dad” you mocked him and he softly chuckled, shaking his head.

“Don’t do anything stupid either” Lucy said on the threshold.

“I won’t, mom” you joked and held the door open for them to walk out. “At least not anything I wouldn’t do!” she shouted when she was already approaching the car.

You smiled and waved, closing the door behind you. You immediately slipped into the pyjamas you had been so long craving for and snuggled by the fire; the tv was showing an old movie and you could feel like dozing off after a few minutes, when you heard a loud knock on the door.

You frowned and looked at the clock: the guys had been gone for about half an hour. Could it be them already?

You looked outside and it was pouring rain. Wrapping yourself in a blanket and picking up an umbrella from the corridor, you approached carefully the door.

Heart beating fast in your chest, a ton of scenes from horror movies passed through your head and for a moment you were not sure whether you were dreaming or awake.

The knock repeated itself and you jumped for the surprise. You put your hand on the handle and pulled the door open.

In the dim light of the street, a wet and chilly Ben was trembling.

“What in the bloody hell took you so long?” he shrieked, passed you by and through the door, heading to the kitchen.

Still a bit startled, you closed the door behind you and followed him.

“You’re wetting Rami’s floor,” you said, while we put the kettle on and opened some cabinets, probably looking for tea “He won’t be pleased”

“Yeah yeah, this is like a second home to me now” he answered “I’ll clean up”.

You watched him fidget with the box of tea and softly chuckled: his fingers were so cold he couldn’t even open it.

He lifted his gaze, smugly smirking “Does this seem funny to you? I’m freezing”

You nodded “Yeah it’s funny” you got closer, still giggling, and took it out of his hands.

“Thanks” he mumbled.

You smiled “Why are you so freezing?”

He sat on a stool “I parked the car down the hill, cause I know Rami always parks here. Where is his car anyway?”

You opened the box and took out to cups from the cabinet “They all went to this party Allen invited us to”

"That's weird, I texted Lucy and she told me you were all here"

That minx, you thought. Now you knew why she had told you that you could just stay here: she had orchestrated everything to get the two of you to spend some time alone together.

You didn’t know whether to thank her or insult her.

He frowned. You could feel his gaze on you “Why are you not there?”

You shrugged “Didn’t feel like going” you met his eyes and gave him a small smile “I wanted to stay home and help chilly night wanderers”

He softly chuckled “Guess it’s my lucky day then. Thank you by the way”

You smiled looking at what you were doing instead of his deep green eyes. Something in his gaze made you feel weird, like some kind of tension had fallen between the two of you in an instant.

You shrugged the feeling away. “It’s nothing”

You saw him straightening his spine with the corner of your eye.

“Why are you here?” you asked sheepishly.

He joined his hands on the table and sighed while staring at the surface of the wooden table “We had a small fight”

He didn’t have to say who was we. It was clear he was talking about Liza.

“A small fight and you drive 60 miles away in the middle of the night?” you corked an eyebrow.

He glanced over at you and snorted “Okay, it was kinda a big one”

“Ben?” you inquired, a smile on your face to mock him “What did you do?”

He huffed but did not return the smile. He just looked down at his hands and reached for the cup you had prepared for him. You pulled it out of his reach, now seriously worried something had gone wrong.

“Ben” you repeated, “What happened?”

He looked up at you: his green eyes a strange mixture of emotions.

“I told her I meant to come up here and spend some time with you guys. She told me she wasn’t totally on board with it…”

Because I’m here as well, you thought.

“…I told her she could come as well but she didn’t want to and so…” he hesitated.

“So… what?” you asked, taking a seat beside him on a stool.

He turned to face you and sighed again “I asked her what she expected me to do, if she wanted me to stop seeing my friends just because…” he stopped to sigh again and never continued that sentence.

Instead, he continued “I might have told her she couldn’t control my life like that… We ended up shouting things to each other and well…”

“Oh Ben…” you placed your hands on your face, rubbing your eyes and shaking your head “and you run out to drive up here?”

He shifted his gaze back to the table, silently answering your question.

“You are a dick,” you said, before letting out a soft chuckle and swiftly covering your mouth with a hand.

He turned his head to you “I’m the dick? She’s the one trying to control my life and the people who are in it…”. Unable to stand your gaze, he moved it back to the table, slightly shaking his head.

“Yeah, but you need to work things out if you still want to call her your girlfrie-”

“What if I don’t want to anymore?” he uttered, startling you and making you shift in your seat.

“What?” you asked in a low voice.

“No” he brought his hands to his face and angrily rubbed his eyes, just like you had done earlier “Ugh! I don’t know… I don’t know why it’s all so complicated right now…”

He turned to face you the instant you did the same: you felt your heartbeat race faster, you were so close you could smell his cologne.

“Do you think I'm being out of my mind here?” he leaned in to place a hand on your thigh, his eyes fixated in yours.

Somehow you had forgotten how to breathe. You caught his gaze shifting from your eyes to your lips, then back again to your eyes. You were now sure of the redness that had surely sprung among your cheeks.

“I-” you started, but didn’t know how to finish the sentence, your brain blanking every 0.2 seconds, due to lack of oxygen.

“You what?” he whispered, constantly inching forward.

You both knew how it was gonna end, but neither of you had the strength to stop it.

It was inevitable.

You had wanted this moment to happen for so long, you found it hard to back down now. And from the way Ben was acting, you were pretty sure he had all the intention to let it happen.

“What are you -” you started again, but you couldn’t complete the sentence.

Ben’s lips crashed into yours and you soon felt his cold hands on your cheeks. The kiss only lasted a few seconds and when you pulled away, Ben’s eyes were indecipherable.

You turned towards the table again, propping your elbows on the surface and bringing your hands to your face.

“No Ben, you can't do this" you started “We can't do this. Not while you're still with her. It's not right”

You felt his hand on your back “y/n, I really don't think we'll get back together. At least, I don't want to”

“Did you break up?”

He hesitated “Well, no but -”

“Then you’re still together! I don’t wanna get in the middle of anything” you stated.

“You already are, y/n” he replied, your gaze swiftly shifting to his eyes, waiting for an explanation.

He huffed “You seriously cannot tell me you have not noticed”

You frowned “Noticed what?”

He widened his eyes “C’ mon, y/n, don’t be elusive…”. He realised you didn’t know what he was talking about; he continued “I must be a better actor than I think I am…” he chuckled, shaking his head.

He locked eyes with you “I can’t stop thinking about you, y/n. I tried, seriously, but I don’t know how to stop. I try to avoid being alone with you because I don’t know how to control myself.”

A shiver ran down your spine, hearing all the words you had hoped to hear him say. You tried to hide a smile: that was indeed a turn of events.

He smiled "Look, I have no idea what I'm doing here," he whispered leaning closer again “but I know I want to find out what this is all about”

You swiftly turned to him, to look at him in the eyes, trying to read them.

“I feel like something bad will happen if we keep looking at each other like that” you suggested.

Ben softly chuckled, before whispering “…or something good, depends on perspective”

You found again very close to his lips and you knew he was staring at yours. You kissed him quickly, as to remind yourself what it felt like.

He smiled widely and kissed you back again, the kiss lasting a bit longer this time. You pulled away again, looking at his eyes one more time: they were smiling, just as much as his lips and you knew he was just as much excited as you about this.

Almost simultaneously you crushed your lips together, your hands flying into his blond hair and his finding quickly your jaw and neck. You parted your lips to give him better access and he deepened the kiss. It was heated, passionate and heavy of all the tension you had stored through the past year.

He slid a hand down to your waist and pulled you closer, making you jump down the stool and inch towards him, between his legs. Your hands roamed on his back, while he had one behind our neck and another on your waist. You pulled away to catch some breath and stared into his eyes to ask him what you were doing.

He jumped down the stool: as an answer, he grabbed you again and started back where you had left. Transported by the kiss, he guided you towards the corridor and into the nearest room. He opened the door with his back, without even letting you slip out of his grip.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this” he whispered to your ear, after pulling away from your lips for a second.

“I know” you replied, bringing your hands to his chest, part of you wanting to keep him close, the other wanting to push him away "Me too".

You were awfully aware what you were doing was far from the right thing to do, let alone the right moment to do it. Ben was technically still with Liza and you knew he was technically cheating on her. With you.

But when he roamed his hands on your back, hugging you tight and kissing you passionately, the outside world faded away instantly and it was like you were in your own world, where only the two of you existed.

You slid your hands down his still partially wet t-shirt and slipped them under it. Ben helped you getting it over his head. You took a moment to caress his chest and abdomen, admiring his muscles before looking up to his eyes.

His cold hands played with the hem of your sweater: you tossed it on the floor, revealing your bare chest, and you grinned widely when you heard him gulping. He leaned down to kiss you again passionately, guiding you towards the bed and making you lay down, quickly hovering you.

He searched for your eyes for a moment, trying to read your emotions. You propped yourself on your elbows to kiss him softly. “You know there’s no turning back from this?” he asked “For our friendship I mean”

You lifted an eyebrow “I’m currently laying half naked underneath you, I think we can safely say our friendship is ruined”

He softly chuckled, letting out what you thought to be one of the best sounds you had ever heard. Your heart ached at how happy you felt in that very moment.

“What do you mean you don’t flash all of your friends?” he joked.

“Only Joe and Gwil” you answered in tone, making him gulp harshly again.

You chuckled and cupped his cheek, kissing his jaw right afterwards “I’m kidding”.

He hushed a groan “I sure hope so”

He looked again into your eyes, more serious this time, silently asking for permission to continue.

You smiled “I’m ready when you are”

He smiled back, leaning down to cover your body with his and kissing you again, before moving to your jaw and to the crook of your neck. You hushed out a moan when he started kissing your skin, leaving small red marks under the earlobe.

"Ben," you whispered not exactly knowing what to say next. Your mind was inebriated by him.

"Mmmh" he mumbled on your skin.

You were shivering from all the emotions you were feeling, inebriated by his scent and by the knowledge you were actually that close to him. Never in your wildest dreams, you would have imagined he had felt the same the whole time.

You were gleaming with joy and you couldn’t stop a smile to form on your face, as Ben kept on kissing your neck and chest.

He caught your smile and stopped to ask, smiling himself “What’s that smile?”

“I just can’t believe this is happening,” you explained “now please kiss me again”

His smile widened as he leant down to meet your lips, his hand sliding down your body to toy with the edge of your pants, slowly pulling them down.

He wasn’t teasing, he just wanted to take his time to savour every moment.

You smirked in the kiss and moved a hand from his neck to the other edge of your pants, helping him to pull them off and toss them on the floor.

The heat of the room had increased exponentially in the last few minutes and you felt a pleasant heat spreading down your spine and between your legs.

Your hands flew to his belt and you fidgeted with the buttons of his jeans. He knelt back and undid them himself, discarding them on the floor afterwards.

He came down to hover you again, kissing your jaw and nibbling at the skin between your breasts. You loudly sighed and tightened the grip on his hair, the other hand drawing patterns on his back.

You could feel him against your thigh from underneath his boxers, the sensation bringing even more excitement down at your core.

Using an elbow to perch yourself, you rolled the both of you over the bed, so that now he had his back laying on the mattress and you were straddling him.

He smiled at your sudden initiative and cupped your cheeks to kiss you again and bring you closer to his chest.

Laying on top of his body, skin on skin, kissing the air out of your lungs was probably one of the best feelings you had ever experienced.

Almost accidentally you brushed your hips against his boxers, drawing a whimper from Ben’s lips. When you parted for a moment, his eyes were dark and lighted by a spark of excitement. Grinning, you repeated the move, earning another hushed whimper from him.

“If you keep doing that, I won’t be able to hold back” he said, suffocating a groan.

You smirked “Then don’t”

His eyes lit up with excitement a crooked smile propped up on his lips. He rolled you over again and slid his hands underneath the elastic band of your panties, slowly pulling them down, his eyes locked into yours.

You instantly reached for his underwear and tugged at the hem of his boxers. You could see how surprised he was by your initiative, which shocked him every time.

As he got rid of his underwear as well, he knelt on the mattress, a light-hearted grin on his face.

“Are we really doing this?” he asked with a smile, adjusting the condom on. There was no trace of doubt in his voice: he was just as incredulous as you were to the fact that you were finally exploring your feelings for each other.

Smiling, you sat up on the bed to reach his face and cup his jaw with your hands.

“I think we might just be” you whispered with a smile. He smiled back, placing his lips on yours and laying you down on the mattress, his body covering yours and your lips still locked to each other.

Without further notice, you felt him align himself with you and slid inside. Simultaneously you inhaled sharply at the new sensation. You wrapped your hands around his back, as he placed small sloppy kisses down your neck and on your shoulder.

Ben started at a slow pace, steadying himself by perching on his elbow by the side of your body, as you gently caressed his arms. Neither of you dared to talk, to caught up in the moment to even articulate a sentence: you were taking things slow, not wanting the moment to end. It went on like that for a while, Ben slowly thrusting in and out, his lips locked with yours at every movement he made.

The whole cabin was quiet and the silence was interrupted every once in a while only by your hot breaths and muffled moans and by the crackling of the fireplace.

You collapsed next to each other, Ben’s arm wrapped around your waist and your head on his shoulder. The soft blankets were barely covering your bodies as you stared at the ceiling with a huge smile on your face.

“No turning back, uh?” you asked hesitantly, breaking the silence.

He turned his face, searching for your eyes and smiling.

“No turning back.” he said inching forward to kiss you once more.

- - - - -

A/N: We’re gonna tag our usual suspects cause this is something new and we’d very much like your opinion on it, lovesies 🖤 You can absolutely ignore it if you don’t feel like reading it, but let us know if you do!

Also, there is a slight chance this could get a part two (?) let us know if you’d like that! Cheers, folks! 💖

Tag list: @littledarlingwellaway @its-nxt-living@bohemiandelilah@onevisionliz@misshystericalqueen @loki-lover095@deakysgurl@inthelapofthe39 @starsoflovingness-wq@minetticatinwonderland@cairdes20 @friendswillbefriendsblog@o-holynight @trash-record-collection @please-stop-me-now@theappleofmybri @marvelsbunch@imgonnabeyourslave​  @babygotblueeyes @mi55chanandlerbong

[austenpoppy]

A review of "The Wonderful Won-Won" chapter 4 (part 1 because I'm a fangirl)

@hillnerd I said I would do it after my exams to take the time to say all I wanted to say and so do justice to your work, so here I am ! I always keep my promises. But Tumblr would not let me reblog this particular chapter, that's why I had to do a separate post.

Edit : I have seen your post about your father. I send you my best regards and all the hugs. I know it is hard. Love you. I know it's not much but I hope it will cheer you up a bit.

So if you want to find the chapter I'm talking about, go see Hillnerd's blog or follow this link : https://m.fanfiction.net/u/666390/

I recommend you all the other fics written by Hillnerd, they're fantastic.

So... yeah, my reaction to your chapter when I read it for the first time...

OH MY GOD ! OH MY GOD ! OH MY GOD ! Oh mon Dieu !

I'm smiling, a huge grin on my face even if nobody can see it because I'm alone, in my student room, at 2am and I'm too lazy to revise. I'm squealing on my bed, my face is tear-strained because I cried, and I feel very emotional. I swear, my heart swelled at least twice its size !

This is definitely one of my favorite chapters in fanfiction ever.

Let's go back in time to see what happened :

"The brain's tentacles were ripping him to shreds and reality was warping around him as an unsteady pulse echoed in his ears. Spiders the size of houses walked over him while their young devoured his limbs, leaving him unable to move. Powerful convulsions constricted his chest and air bellowed over his shredded lungs. All he could feel was pain, a tangible darkness, and the sensation of being drowned, but backwards?"

It feels so realistic. You got all the sensations of being in great pain yet being unable to move. I especially love "the unsteady beat in his ears". The spider anecdote makes me shudder. How awful !

"The only real thing he could think about, besides the pain, was her. What was her name again?"

Oh man, Hermione is on his mind and in his heart at all time, even in his darkest hour. She's the only thing that can take his mind off pain *eyes water*

The convulsions struck again and again. He longed to be able to lose himself in the darkness, but something kept tethering him to the unimaginable pain. He was drowning again, and his limbs were back, stiff as lead.

No no no my Ronnie is suffering so much he wants to black out, and what if the darkness meant death ? How come this is totally canon ? How come I enjoy this ?

If he could only say her name one time, maybe all of this would end? It almost seemed like an answer to a riddle. He just couldn't think what the riddle was or what the name was he should say. It was like trying to hold a fist full of sand, with each grain slipping through his fingers until he only had a few grains left.

Argh, my little Romione heart. Touché. He tries to hold on to her, the key to happiness, the light in the dark, the fire of comfort.

"How long was he—"

It's nothing really. A tiny sentence. But the fact that the person who said it was unable to finish it is just so perfect, so moving - as if the idea of Ron suffering was unthinkable. *eyes water again*

Why could he not control his body?

Oh god, I know this frustration. Your writing is so moving, you are able to convey so much feelings in the simplest sentences.

Ron did as he was told, even though the light was so bright he could feel it throbbing in time with his heartbeat. A loud ringing tone pulsed in his ears, high and sharp.

I can feel exactly what he is speaking about.

"Can I… Can I touch him?" his Mum ask Pomfrey, sounding teary.

Aaaaaaaah you got me again. The hesitation in her voice when she probably wants nothing more, when she probably craves to touch him... That's it, my vision is blurry, I need to take a tissue (fortunately there's a box on my bedside table)

Ron tried to form a word, any word, to say to his mother, but as soon as he could so much as rasp a coughing fit took him. It rattled and tore through him unlike any cough he'd ever had before. Dark red blood exploded from his lungs and splattered the matron's apron. His lungs rattled as cough after cough shook his chest and tore through his throat.

I just felt a pain in my heart. A pang. It's so heartwrenching to see him suffer like this.

Ron had to concentrate, but was able to barely wiggle them and they felt whole enough.

Oh Ron, how can you make me laugh in a moment like this ?

He tried to wipe the back of his arm across his mouth, but his arm just wouldn't move off the bed, lamely twitching at his side. A slimy trail of sputum and blood oozed out of his mouth, but Pomfrey wiped it away with a handkerchief.

All is in the details. I'm picturing Ron, unable to move, his eyes open and unfocus, a trail of blood flowing from his mouth that he can't even wipe and MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT.

"We love you, sweet boy. We love you so much,"

Yes ! Give him love ! All the love ! I love you too Ron !

Ron began to panic as he tried again and again to make words. He couldn't. Tears came to his eyes and he started to breathe hard.

Nooo he can't speak my poor little Ronnie he must be so afraid and nooo he has tears in his eyes, my heart felt another pang why are you so good at this ?! That's it, I need a pause because I am actually crying. I am sniffing in my bed, tears have rolled off my cheeks and dampered the mattress. Damn you !

Ron tried desperately to say yes, but all that came out what a strange sound similar to the ghoul that lived in his attic. He tried to nod his head but it wouldn't do what he said and just barely moved to the wrong direction. What was wrong with him? He was trapped. Trapped in his own body unable to say or do anything!

I just want to hug you so much Ron. I can't but I really, really want to. That's one of the worst things in the world, being conscious but not being able to do anything.

"You are alright. What you are experiencing is temporary. You will be able to speak later. Maybe in a few hours. This is not permanent. The part of your brain that forms speech is injured, but will be healed - probably by the time you wake up tomorrow. You will regain movement in your body as well, but that might take longer before it's completely healed. Do you understand, Ron?"

You are such a good healer Mrs Pomfrey. And you need a raise.

"The bleeding will continue on and off again the next few days."

How come people think that the Bezoar erased every consequence possible of the poison ? Ron did not spend so much time in the infirmary for nothing !

"Hermione was here?" Ron asked, trying to sit up as quickly as he could. Instead his head rose off the pillow a few centimeters and he weakly collapsed back onto the bed. He gave another attempt to sit up, but the Matron of the hospital wing made it impossible to succeed.

He seems so surprised it is awful but so sweet. The fact that he tried to sit up twice pulled at my heartstrings.

"Did Hermione seem upset?" Ron blurted before realizing it was Pomfrey he was asking.

God the sweetheart somebody helps me !

Your heart stopped, and you weren't breathing for a few minutes, so it might take a bit for your memory to be back to normal.

HIS HEART STOPPED ! HE WAS NOT BREATHING ! OH MY FUCKING ALLMIGHTY GOD !

What happened? Why am I in the hospital? Who visited? Who poisoned me? Will I be ok? Was Hermione here? Where are everyone? Was Hermione upset? Is everyone else ok? Where's Harry? When can I leave? Will I be able to play quidditch? What potions do I have to take? Where is Hermione? Should there be all this blood? Are you sure this is normal? When will I be able to walk again? How am I going to the bathroom? Did anyone but my parents see me when I couldn't talk? When will I be able to sit up on my own? Why can't I use my hands? Do I still have to do my homework? Can't I drink more water than that? When can I eat? Can Hermione visit me again?

Oh. My. God. My heart swelled. I am once again crying thank you very much my bed is now full of dirty tissues. But like, this list is one of the sweetest and most heartbreaking things ever. I need to squeal. So I put my phone aside and do just that (which means rolling in my bed, laughing and probably looking like a maniac). "Did anyone but my parents see me when I couldn't talk ?". How perfectly insecuringly Ron that is (yes I invent words and no I don't care) ? "Is everybody else okay ?" . Man you just got poisoned, you are in unberable pain and you still ask for everybody else ? You're just so... so caring and I love you ! "Can Hermione visit me again ?" God the sweetest of sweethearts 2.

He coughed and felt some blood beginning to make its way down his throat. 

Somebody do something ! My little Ronnie ! Bad, bad Draco !

How could one person look so perfect and make him feel magically better?

He's so in loooove. That's why I love Romione : the raw love and painful need for each other.

 Well, better besides the feeling that he was choking on blood and couldn't fight off a possessed scrambled egg if he had to.

How dare you make me laugh again ? A possessed scrambled egg *snorts loudly*... I'm laughing through my watery eyes...

...he couldn't help but smile.

That's my sweetest of sweethearts Ron 3. He is in pain yet he smiles because the person he loves most is there and he's my little sun.

Last thing he wanted was the sight of bloody teeth sending Hermione away.

*snorts again* *then feels her heart pang again because it's an horribly sad piece of humor*

Ron could vaguely recall reading something about a poisoning, so nodded, hoping that would leave him alone with Hermione.

*shakes her head and smiles* That's so Ron. He just wants to be with the people he cares about.

"You're really here," Ron smiled hopefully. He thought he'd never have Hermione to himself again. She was biting her lip with worry, but she was there. She was beautiful, though a bit paler than usual. Was she in the hospital wing because she was injured? "How are you feeling?"

FOR F*CKS'S SAKE ! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME ! SH*T ! I NEED ANOTHER TISSUE ! AND I AM NOT HALFWAY THROUGH THE CHAPTER ! P*tain de b*rdel de m*rde ! It is so incredibly perfect and moving and Romione-y. The fact that Ron does not believe his eyes that she cares for him, that he smiles hopefully, that he thinks he would never be with her again, the fact that Hermione is biting her lip but does not say anything, and the selflessness of Ron who as usual does not think about himself at all but worries about his loved ones even though he just got poisoned...

"Better, now that you're awake."

My Romione heart swelled again.

Her hand gently made its way into his, sending a thrill through him like the first time he'd ever ridden a broom. He tried to squeeze it hard back, partly to ground himself that this was real, and partly to let her know something of how happy he was to see her, but all he could manage was a limp clammy hold. She didn't say anything to him, simply putting another hand on top of his one weak one.

I am at a loss for words. I am just so emotional. This image of them together is exactly why I love Romione so much. It is very poignant and moving.

"So… I kind of lied. I don't entirely remember what's been going on… I just wanted to see you," Ron said quietly.

At this point I just want to cherish this chapter forever and I definitely need another box of tissues, so I stand up and go search it. It's the "quietly" that actually killed me : picturing Ron, searching Hermione's eyes, whispering this to her is so sweet.

"Oh shit! Please don't leave. I'm so glad you're here. It's fine… I can catch up on this crap later."

He is so emotionally open I just... Hermione, cherish this boy.

He honestly didn't care if he sounded pathetic or desperate. She was the one thing he could hold on to when time was bending, and he wasn't sure of what was real and not.

My Romione heart does not thank you for the emotional roller-coster.

"I'm not going anywhere,"

Aaaah Hermione you pulled at my heartstrings. No, not you too ! I have enough heart pangs with Ron thanks !

"Sorry I'm so stupid right now. I just can't seem to keep a hold of things in my mind for long."

There self-depreciating Ron goes again... Like, am I hallucinating, or is he actually apologizing for not being well after having been poisoned ?? #Rontheboywhoapologizesforeverything

"You're far from stupid," Hermione said with her trademark scowl, and he grinned at that. "You were nearly killed. You had anoxia, where your brain didn't get enough oxygen. It's literal brain damage."

Yes, Hermione ! Tell him he's great ! Prevent him from being self-depreciating ! I love it so much when people let their appreciation of him shine through ! And she's so cute when she gets so anxious and worried that she has to ramble about facts, explain things and expose her knowledge !

He almost laughed at being brain damaged, but tears began to pool in her eyes.

Again so perfectly Romione-y. Ron sees the funny side of things, or the sadly funny side of things when he gets self-depreciating, and Hermione cries because she saw all the implications.

If it weren't for magic you might not be able to remember anything ever again, or talk, or move, and could have been mentally infirm the rest of your life. It wouldn't have been temporary. You'd not be yourself and I just — I just can't stand the thought that-that someone as alive and as - as wonderful as you could ever be struck down and unable to be yourself and I was so so afraid I was going to lose you and the last things I ever said to you were-were horrible, and I just —"

Oh my Romione. And my eyes are watering again. She's so devastated at the idea of a tetraplegic or diminished Ron, and I am too, that's the wrongest thing ever in fanfiction; and she's using the world "alive" to describe Ron and that fits him so well, and she feels so guilty that's awful even if it pleases me a little (I hate it so much when in fanfiction Hermione "accepts" to forgive Ron for Lavender. 😒)

"Oh, Hermione, don't—" he said while weakly raising his arms as high as he could so she'd come into them. 

My HEART ! YOU STABBED ME ! I NEED A F*CKING TISSUE AGAIN HE'S SO CARING AND SWEET !

~ Squealing time interruption ~

Hermione needed facts and figures to comfort her. "Hey, according to this parchment, I'm going to be ok, right?"

He knows exactly what to say to makes her feel better and that's instinctive. That's my Ron and I love him.

She gave a great wet sniff and nodded, though she looked even paler than before.

They're so terribly cute together. Hug her Ron, my girl needs it badly !

He'd have to humiliate himself a bit to get her to laugh, but it would be worth it.

So you are once again going to be very self-sacrificing, okay Ron, but what are you talking about ? How could you...

"And apparently there are some spells in place, so we don't have to worry I'll wet myself in the bed, even though I'm so mentally infirm," he said with a conspiratorial grin.

*jaw drops, eyes water (my fucking god I really am a mess and I look like I just had a heartbreak but okay), heart swells with enough Ron-love to fill a swimming pool*

~ squealing time interruption ~

Okay, I'm extremely moved and that's for a very personal reason. I have had 16 general anaesthesias in my life, yet I have always refused, even when I was seven, to use bedpans to... you know, because I am so proud; I hate admitting weakness and that felt so degrading, even if it's totally normal; so for Ron to humiliate himself like that just to make Hermione laugh is quite extraordinary and extremely selfless. I would never have done that.

End of part 1

[pvrestwolff]

—- are you ready for another bad poem? one more off key anthem? let your teeth sink in; remember me as i was, not as i am.

trident’s task 003; playlists.

playlist 01. // about ekaterina.

01. girl // the beatles ---- she's the kind of girl who puts you down when friends are there, you feel a fool. when you say she's looking good, she acts as if it's understood; she's cool.

02. everybody wants to rule the world // tears for fears ---- help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure, nothing ever lasts forever; everybody wants to rule the world.

03. what’s wrong // pvris ---- oh, it's all getting old; no, i didn't want this throne. only fools make feasts of gold, they rot the fruit on tables.

04. all that’s known // spring awakening cast ---- on i go, to wonder and to learning; name the stars and know their dark returning. i'm calling to know the world's true yearning; the hunger that a child feels for everything they're shown.

05. the schuyler sisters // hamilton cast ---- i’ve been reading common sense by thomas paine, so men say that i’m intense or i’m insane. you want a revolution? i want a revelation, so listen to my declaration: “we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.”. and when i meet thomas jefferson-- i’m ‘a compel him to include women in the sequel!

06. rhiannon // fleetwood mac ---- she is like a cat in the dark, and then she is the darkness. she rules her life like a fine skylark and when the sky is starless; all your life you've never seen a woman taken by the wind. would you stay if she promised you heaven? will you ever win?

07. ship to wreck // florence + the machine ---- ah, my love remind me, what was it that i said? i can't help but pull the earth around me to make my bed. and, ah, my love remind me, what was it that i did? did i drink too much? am i losing touch? did i build a ship to wreck?

08. elastic heart // sia ---- i wanted it, i wanted it bad, but there were so many red flags. now another one bites the dust; yeah, let's be clear, i'll trust no one.

09. devil in me // halsey ---- you said i'm too much to handle; you said i shine too bright, i burnt the candle; flew too high. i won't take anyone down if i crawl tonight, but i still let everyone down when i change in size. and i went tumbling down tryna reach your high, but i scream too loud if i speak my mind.

10. are you satisfied? // marina ---- high achiever, don't you see? baby, nothing comes for free. they say i'm a control freak, driven by a greed to succeed. nobody can stop me-- 'cause it's my problem if i wanna pack up and run away, it's my business if i feel the need to smoke and drink and swear; it's my problem, it's my problem if i feel the need to hide, and it's my problem if i have no friends and feel i want to die.

11. disco tits // tove lo ---- you think i'm drunk now, but i am not-- you're so pretty, come roll with me. i'm 'bout to get down, i'm high as fuck; i'm no chemist, but it's good shit.

12. greedy // ariana grande ---- i don't need a phone call, got nothing to say. i'm ‘a tell you when it's over, got no games to play. you know that i'm coming tonight, i know i'm coming tonight; i just need to get this out the way.

13. wreak havoc // skylar grey ---- i don’t give a fuck when i walk into battle and that’s why i got all the power; i’m where you wanna be, ain’t no one ahead of me; all of my enemies made a decision it's better to follow me. i make no apologies; all of my sins i would repeat and i repeat, cause i'm ‘a be me 'til the death of me.

14. the weight of living part i // bastille ---- there's an albatross around your neck; all the things you've said and the things you've done. can you carry it with no regrets? can you stand the person you've become?

15. die wild // dia frampton ---- if there is no heaven, fuck it, you can sleep with me tonight. we can all just be tragic or lucky beneath the faded stars. i don't wanna get better, i wanna burn like the fourth of july; a little bit of god to fill me up, a little bit of spit in my eye.

playlist 02. // ekaterina’s favourites.

01. just a girl // no doubt ---- oh, i'm just a girl, guess i'm some kind of freak, 'cause they all sit and stare with their eyes. oh, i'm just a girl, take a good look at me: just your typical prototype; oh, i've had it up to here!

02. dreams // gabrielle aplin, bastille ---- now here i go again, i see the crystal vision; i keep my visions to myself. it's only me who wants to wrap around your dreams-- have you any dreams you'd like to sell?

03. let go // frou frou ---- drink up baby doll, mm, are you in or out? leave your things behind, ‘cause it's all going off without you.

04. dream a little dream of me // the mamas and the papas ---- stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper "i love you."; birds singin' in the sycamore tree, dream a little dream of me.

05. you don’t own me // grace, g-eazy ---- you don't own me, don't try to change me in any way. you don't own me, don't tie me down 'cause i'd never stay.

06. celebrity skin // hole ---- when i wake up in my makeup, have you ever felt so used up as this? it's all so sugarless; hooker, waitress, model, actress-- oh, just go nameless.

07. i put a spell on you // annie lennox ---- you know i love you; i love you, i love you, i love you anyhow-- and i don't care if you don't want me, i'm yours right now.

08. the sweet escape // gwen stefani ---- you melt me down, i'm at my lowest boiling point, come help me out, i need to get me out of this joint; come on, let's bounce, counting on you to turn me around; instead of clowning around, let's look for some common ground.

09. hard out here // lily allen ---- sometimes it's hard to find the words to say-- i'll go ahead and say them anyway: forget your balls and grow a pair of tits.

10. body say // demi lovato ---- if i had it my way, i would take the lead. and if i had it my way, i would take you deep. if my body had a say, i'd get it off my chest-- show you all the red lace underneath this dress

11. twist of fate // olivia newton-john ---- a higher voice has called the tune, two hearts that lost the beat will now resume; the gift of life extension by divine intervention; it's gotta be a strange twist of fate, telling me that heaven can wait-- telling me to get it right this time. life doesn't mean a thing, without the love you bring; love is what we've found, the second time around.

12. god is a woman // ariana grande ---- i can be all the things you told me not to be; when you try to come for me, i keep on flourishing; and he see the universe when i'm the company-- it's all in me.

13. never enough // loren allred ---- all the shine of a thousand spotlights, all the stars we steal from the night sky will never be enough; never be enough. towers of gold are still too little, these hands could hold the world but it'll never be enough.

14. how ‘bout a dance // bonnie and clyde cast ---- let's make a start, music like this can really throw ya. you'll lose the blues and you may lose your heart.

15. la vie en rose // édith piaf ---- il est entré dans mon coeur; une part de bonheur dont je connais la cause. (he has entered into my heart; a bit of happiness that i know the cause of.)