#❝ literal ☩ daniel hartley ❞

[ofdanny]

inpos.

“ try to manage your anger since people can’t seem to manage their stupidity. “

[astrcphobic]

tag dump !!

[ofdanny]

inspos.

   memory’s are so treacherous. one moment you’re lost in a carnival of delights, with poignant childhood aromas, the flashing of neon puberty, all that sentimental candyfloss -- the next, it leads you somewhere you don’t want to go... somewhere dark and cold, filled with damp, ambiguous shapes of thinks you’d hoped were  F O R G O T T E N.

   my anee just tucked me in. she smells good. smells like fresh shampoo and mint. i like my anee. she's gives me warm hugs and always smiles at me. i like my anee. a hard slam makes me jump--- it's daddy. he's angry again, and just the thought of that makes me pull the covers over my head to protect me from his loud voice and bad breath. he hasn't been very nice lately. he yells at mommy and she yells back--- like now. words like drugs and paperwork and drinks and money pop our to me. mommy yells at daddy for working too much and not paying attention to her... the words confuse me. mommy... i wait for a long time and then wait even longer before i show myself again. the yelling has stopped and i want to see mommy. another hard slam tells me its over for good. i release a breathe I didn't know i was holding. mommy. i scoot out of bed, and my four-year-old feet take me as fast as they can to mommy's room. i stand outside of the door and i feel my heart beating too fast. i knock, just the way she taught me to before entering.

   i push it open to find her sitting on her too-big-bed, staring. just staring. she says nothing. i climb onto the bed with all of my strength. i like this bed. it could be bigger than my room. the thought makes me grin but it quickly leaves when she finally looks at me. 

   " hi, baby. brush mommy's hair ?? "  my eyebrows shoot up, nodding my head quickly. i love mommy's hair: black, soft, long. she smells of perfume and something that burns my nose. i sit up on my knees, my eyes eager as she tosses her waves down her back. i take the brush in hand and smoothly, carefully pull it through the strands. mommy sighs heavily. 

   " baby, want do you want ?? do you want something new ?? " my nose curls up. no, mommy, i want you. she glances at me then laughs at my reaction. the sound makes my heart all warm. " it's as if you know our scheme to keep you 'entertained'--- you don't say much but you're smart, daniel. "  mommy thinks i'm smart. mommy thinks i'm smart. suddenly i feel ten feet tall. i silently continue to comb through the dark curls. mommy says i have her hair. what does that mean ?? i wish I had mommy's hair. i love mommy's hair. 

" how's are your piano lessons ?? "  i want to whine--- not because of piano. i don't want to talk. but, for mommy, i find my voice. " good. "  i say. she turns and gives me her big smile. " play for me sometime. "  i nod my head again, vigorously. yes, yes i love to play for her. i love mommy.

   i stroke through her hair once, twice... she says nothing. and now she's sniffling--- oh no. my lip quivers and a bad feeling squeezes my throat. i drop the brush and climb into her lap. " no--- daniel not now. "  she grabs me from under my arms and sets me on the floor. " it's past your bedtime. get out. get out, right now. "  she's angry. oh no, i brushed too hard. i brushed too hard. mommy, i'm sorry. tell her you're sorry. 

   " mommy i--- "  she shoves me to the floor. 

   " get out !! "  my eyes are wet like mommy's. " ana !! get the fuck in here, get this pest !! " my chest hurts--- mommy didn't touch my chest, but my chest hurts--- my fingers clutch my my chest, tears streaming down my heated cheeks.

   the overwhelming smell of mint fills my nostrils, firm hands gripping my side. no, don't touch me. i find my voice again and i scream. mommy. mommy. mommy. before i know it, my anee has me pressed to her chest and is closing the door. i lose my voice and i stop crying. mommy is gone. mommy is different. my anee rocks me even though i’ve stopped crying and hums something familiar softly, my head in her chest. she's trying to make me feel better, i know. she lays me down in my bed again, but this time she doesn't kiss me and leave like before. she gets on her knees and wipes away my drying tears.

   " danny, are you okay ?? "  her fingers brush my shaggy hair from my forehead, then my shoulders, then my they squeeze my arms slightly. i pay attention to how her eyes are as frantic as her movements. i nod in response. " no words for me tonight ?? " she gives me her small smile. i blink at her and she frowns deeply. " it's okay, baby. you did well in talking today... and you've had a rough night. maybe some more tomorrow ?? " i blink at her twice this time. “ would you like me to stay, danny ?? ” i nod this time. “ okay. no more questions.“  she settles into my oversized bed with me and i scoot over to give her room. her eyes become shiny and i know what's coming next. "i love you, baby. "  hesitantly, my small hand raises to her cheek and i hold it there, the way she does for me when i'm sad. she seems sad. she leans into it and smiles again. i lay my head on her chest and close my eyes. i don’t go to sleep. anee won’t push me. anee won’t yell at me. i love my anee.

[ofdanny]

tag dump.