#❝ ᵃ ʷᵃˢᵗᵉ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵖ ❞╱ little creations .

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violets .

surprise drabble for @drachenblood . because those darn violets did not leave my brain .

when first her family had arrived in ferndale they had not expected to stay long but a warm welcome and her friendship with a certain young elezen had changed their travel plans a little. while letting amaya and her mother recover from their long journey fleeing to eorzea, her father traveled ahead to find a suitable place for them to live in. secretly the little auri hoped that he would find nothing and simply let them stay here in coerthas... 

but then her father returned, telling them of a little cottage in the shroud and that someone named the elder seedseer had already approved of them moving there. amaya’s protests went unheard with her parents telling her that they did not flee from one war to remain in a land plagued by its own conflict, just because they had not witnessed a dragon attack yet, did not mean nothing would happen.

and before she could fully process it all, their belongings had been packed and put on top of a cart. she is about to climb onto it too when she hears a voice call out for her “for you!” with surprise does the little auri look down on a bunch of violets before looking up at estinien. “thank... thank you” she stutters, taking the blossoms into her hands and smiling. “I will plant them in our garden... you’ll have to visit us to see them” . and they promise each other, to meet again. she tells estinien how one day she will become a merchant like her father and bring him the most useful things to ferndale and open her own shop in the town... and he would surely have the biggest herd of karakuls or be a protector for ferndale.

they wave each other goodbye before amaya turns around to her father “how far away is the home?” “a few days” he informs her, flinching when amaya yells out “what?! but estinien’s flowers won’t hold that long!” she whines, tears already threatening to spill from her eyes. ajisai sighs and takes her daughter’s hands, holding them close around the flowers “I will show you a spell that you will have to repeat. if you can do that and they are still fresh when we arrive at our new home I will help you plant them, yes?” they find a little cup to put some water in and every couple of hours does amaya perform the spell. until the day they arrive and true to her words does her mother plant the violets with the help of her own magic - it is the first thing they do. and it is one of the last things ajisai does with her daughter before sickness claims her life.

months pass and in the first year, amaya does not see any of the flowers bloom. but another cycle of seasons later, just as she attends to her mother’s grave does she note the little buds, sprouting from the ground. when she hears gyosei return she runs towards her father, eyes bright “papa! papa! the violets survived and... father?” amaya hesitates seeing the man’s expression. “...sit down with me” he asks and lowers himself onto the steps, she joins his side.

“I went to gridania. a few ishgardians were there for trade... I asked if they knew of ferndale and had any news from our friends there” he tries to be gentle when explaining what happened, that there was an attack. that the town was gone. that none survived. he holds her close when the words sink in, when she first tries to run and then simply trembles, crying into his arms. that year, the first year the violets bloom, she plucks them and places them in a vase, placing a candle next to it. a makeshift memorial for a fond friend.

she does not keep her promise and becomes a merchant, but to her there is no longer a promise that must be kept. instead she becomes a conjurer, a healer. someone who could perhaps save people from dragon wounds and someone who could defeat sicknesses like those that claimed her mother. she tells her fiance that one day she’d very much would like to return to where ferndale used to be and bury some of the violets there. and perhaps the little stuffed moogle that she still keeps by her bedside. 

...those dreams are forgotten when the heaven’s rain fire and death. when that home becomes empty besides her and her chocobo. the burned karakul pen is left, the garden now overgrown with those very flowers she had so carefully planted there.

as life goes on it becomes more hectic as she finds herself suddenly an adventurer, rushing from one primal fight to the next... until her life seems all interwoven with things she barely understands. and somehow, between all that she is introduced to the azure dragoon of ishgard. for one moment as she sees him, she could swear that she could smell and see it again, those hills from back then, their green grass and the town... but she tells herself that it must be a mistake. he simply happens to share a name with a ghost from the past. it happens.

it’s during their travels that she realizes that he very well might be that ghost. but she isn’t certain how to say it or if she even should. and really, does it matter? there is relief in knowing he is alive. so she keeps quiet, keeps the little skips her heart does around him quiet too.

she only lets recognition slip past her lips once, when her and alphinaud wrestle to free him from nidhogg’s eyes. “I buried you once, I will not do so again!” she does not even dare ask him if he had heard her, later when they both recover from their wounds. she knows he has other things on his mind. so instead she asks tataru for help, to have someone go to amaya’s home and bring some of the violets, she herself is unable to go, still bandaged from fighting the wyrm.

...when the lalafell returns days later, flowers in hand, amaya gathers all her courage, walking into estinien’s room... only to find it empty, only with the helmet left by the window. she smiles a little, sighing and shaking her head. she could not blame him, to leave like that, she would do the same if her position allowed for it. “according to the doctors he left a while ago” alphinaud sounds upset as he stands in the door. the boy really had grown to admire the dragoon and amaya quite suspected that he viewed him not unlike an older brother. “don’t worry” the au ra walks past him, ruffling through his white locks “he will come back, one day. he still got a promise to keep. for now, let him follow the wind.”

that man was not unlike those flowers, far too stubborn to vanish and always returning to keep her quiet company.

[starsfreckled-archived]

hero .

  a little short drabble that did not leave my mind . ( the general ‘vibe’ of it may be put all across the story but I did firmly put this in sh.b to avoid spoilers ) tw for mentions of wounds, tiredness, mental health etc

it leaves her tired, swinging that sword, it is heavy in her hands but the weight feels comforting to her. it weights as it should. it feels strange, the way the world settles after a battle. she can still feel esteem’s presence and every noise makes her flinch. 

and as always, she recoils from being touched, her eyes still wild and her lips curling as if baring fangs. but then she recognizes the warmth as one of the scions. her shoulders slump and someone carefully removes the great-sword from her hands. and then she is carried away, her head leans against a shoulder ( she cannot pinpoint who it is but they feel warm and she feels safe to rest for just a little ).

amaya barely feels it, when the armor is removed from her. barely hears the hiss of others as the damage is discovered - it’s not a tailor made piece, her scales hurt, roughened up. there are purple bruises where the metal has been dented against the skin.

she looks up a little when warm water pours over her, when her arm is stretched out to clean it with a cloth. when her hair is brushed back to wash out the blood and get a better look at her face. 

if anyone walked in on this moment, they might believe that the warrior of light ( or is it darkness here?) was treated like divinity, careful, with reverence. this image of the hero, surrounded by the steam of the hot water as she is taken care of... they do not notice the bruised knuckles, the tired shadows under her eyes. or under the eyes of her companions who do not know what to do with their friend and all the light that is trapped behind her rib-cage.

‘she cannot keep going like this’

no this is not some poetic moment where the hero is revealed to be divine. she is treated not like something holy, but something fragile, someone who might easily shatter.

the truth is, that she had always been a human and humans do at times simply break. 

[starsfreckled-archived]

 the real reason she disappears for months at a time . // do not reblog .

[starsfreckled-archived]

 so . how nervous are the scions feeling now ---

do not reblog .

[starsfreckled-archived]

  just playing with the idea of a primal / boss aze.m & amaya .

// do not reblog.

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I have no nerves to clean this out & have every recording softly fade into the other but if ya ever wondered how amaya sounds - I’d imagine she’d sound a lil like  Miy.uki Sawashi.ro .her voice at the start of ARR is rather soft but as time progresses ... or whenever she fights... she just starts to sound like the true gremlin that she is  !! anyway do not reblog.

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first meeting .

 HEAVY ENDWALKER SPOILERS AHEAD .

a short drabble about the first time that amaya meets venat . tying into my hc that amaya has the echo since her childhood . does absolutely not need to be followed by any venat / hydaelyn writer .

“you are being fussy today” gyosei sighs, trying his best to calm the squirming baby down. she is not outright crying, but whenever his full attention is not on her, or his arms stop moving, the little girl starts to make the most miserable little whimpers.

“forgive me, but may I rest in the shade of your house for a little?” the raen looks up, blinking in surprise at a tall, white haired woman. her hand rests on the head of a tall blond dog who curiously then takes a few steps closer. the moment amaya’s eyes settle on the animal, she stops moving before suddenly giggling and stretching out her hands. carefully, as if aware of the fragility of a little child, does the dog come closer with his face until little blue hands gently take hold of the golden fur, the giggling now an outright happy babble.

they talk for a little while, the woman tells gyosei that she is a traveler and that the heat of the day had simply surprised her, seeking shelter by the family’s house. she asks about the way to the nearest bigger town, asks about life in this village.

their chatting is disturbed when gyosei’s neighbors arrive, pulling along a cart. “did the wheel break off again?” “it sure did, we figured we would bring it here since you have the best tools.” he stands up, ready to help when he remembers his daughter in his arms. it would be hard to hold her and help at the same time...

“shall I hold her?” the traveler offers, a gentle smile on her lips. “are you sure ---she’s been terribly fussy all day and...” but she already extends her arms and with some words of gratitude does he place the babe in her arms. it should be fine, he can still see them as he walks further away and the moment the stranger held amaya, the little girl actually calmed down, just staring up at her.

“well come and well met, my brave little spark” her white hair cascades down and amaya lifts a hand, taking hold of a strand and tugging a bit on it. venat cannot help but chuckle “you really did inherit azem’s spirit, did you not?” of course the baby does not answer, does not understand what is going on. there is a bit of guilt on the goddesses face...

...she remembers amaya telling her about her life, all those lifetimes ago in elpis. she knows of the long and painful journey ahead of this little child. “I can only offer you this” venat whispers, pressing a gentle kiss to the girl’s forehead, placing the traveler’s ward upon the au ra’s soul. this the easier part, the more pleasant one. with heavy heart she continues whispering “hear... feel... think” the baby flinches, eyes wide and immediately crying. though such a small child cannot understand the meaning of the images that appear before its eyes, the falling meteors, the fire... they can only react with tears - and perhaps the sundered soul of azem wept for the memories of her world long gone.

venat calms the girl down by humming a melody, smiling apologetically at the father as he rushes back to them “forgive me, it seems something startled her” gyosei shakes his head, taking his daughter in his arms “do not trouble yourself. babies simply cry” he laughs. from the corner of his eyes he can see the traveler standing up but he focuses on his daughter instead until she finally calms down.

and as he turns around to thank the stranger and ask for her name, he realizes with surprise that her and the dog had both left.

[starsfreckled-archived]

rain .

about the significance of rain to amaya ( & someone else too ) .

“you still need a name” gyosei looks down at the newborn child in his arms. the girl is awake but does not fuss, however she does turn her head a little, as if trying hear more of the rain. the tall raen slides open one of the doors and settling down there.

yanxia had its very own atmosphere when it rained and the fog rolled in from the mountains. something he had never seen when he had still lived underneath dark waves. he looks back down at the child and with a smile watches as she falls asleep. “how about amaya?” he whispers. ‘night rain’ fitting, considering the time and weather right now.

a loud crash wakes the two au ri up, thunder and lightning rolling over their house. the couple quickly gets up when they can hear crying coming from their daughter’s room. however, upon opening the door, they find that the crying does not come from amaya, but rather haruto, the lupin boy she had befriended.

the boy is huddled against their pet sheep, blanket pulled over both of them and canine ears laying flat on his head. with a smile does ajisai sit down next to him, wrapping an arm around the shivering child “you don’t like storms?” she asks and he shakes his head “they’re scary” he mumbles.

to most people, storms tend to be that way. ajisai did not particularly like them herself and she knows neither does her husband. their daughter however... her eyes wander to the little raen who stands at her window, tail wagging as she watches the rain outside. be it gentle drops or a storm like right now, amaya seemed to love this weather, always eager to watch it.

as the years passed, that love never faded away. it had been one of the first things amaya grew to like about eorzea and the north shroud. as she grew up there one could often find her jump from puddle to puddle in the rain, grinning from horn to horn at her father before rushing back to his side, trying to pull him outside by his hand.

she never minded working in her garden during the rain. at some point a second figure joined her as she grew closer and closer with an elezen boy from the near village.

it’s a rainy night, after the calamity, that makes her smile for the first time ever since burying her father and fiance. it’s a rainy day when the scions hear her laugh from the bottom of her heart, for the first time. when she runs outside the waking sands, ignoring tataru calling after her that she will catch a cold.

it is storming when the knowledge finally settles in her, that operation archon had been a success. the loud thunder rolls over her laughter as she feels like a hero of old. calming rain falls when she sits in a wagon, fleeing from ul’dah and trying to tell herself that it will be fine. she’ll find the scions again. they’d all be reunited and then she would force them outside of the rising stones to watch the rain fall into silvertear lake.

...it rains when she visits the churning mists to return hraesvelgr’s eye to him after the battle with nidhogg. it’s been weeks, but only now can she be sure that her wounds won’t open back up, even if she returns the eye to the wyrm. it had kept her alive after nidhogg had ripped through her side. she stands there, looking up at the sky and at some point she cannot tell if her face has gotten wet from the raindrops or from her tears, as the past few months all come crashing down on her. the constant fear for the scions, the pain of all those battles, of all the losses... she had buried too many loved ones. and she crumbles there, on her knees, crying while the great white dragon raises a wing to cover her from the storm.

amaya excuses herself with a silent voice, stepping away from the domans celebration of their newly won freedom. she tries to give the twins a smile, though it seems more like a grimace. but she needs to be alone. walking to her chocobo, she climbs on hiko’s back.

it takes her a few hours to find the place, the house between namai and the one river. her house. it has nearly fully fallen apart by now, but she still recognizes it. the raen stands there, when the first drops fall, but she does not mind. it’s the first time she feels somewhat at peace in months. “I did it” she whispers, towards the house, towards the memories and ghosts within it. “...doma is free.” her parents wish had finally come true, though both of them were not here to see it. were not here to see any of her accomplishments. but standing in their old home... it feels like maybe, just maybe they are listening.

amaya watches from her window in the pendant. it is silent outside, lakeland seems so peaceful now, with the night returned to all of norvrandt. even as clouds roll in and bring thunder and lightning, there seems to be a calmness to it that she could appreciate. she walks out of the room and starts strolling through the crystarium. it brings her joy, seeing the people stand still and watch the first night rain in over a hundred years. and then she laughs, because it is ridiculous and stupidly cliche that her name, very much translates to it. ‘night rain’ what a fitting name for the warrior of darkness, not even the most naive, most flowery of poets could come up with something that stupid.

...

it rains, the first time she leaves the city by herself. the first time she walks through the forests around amaurot. azem stands there, raising her hands to slide off the hood from her head and removing her masks. the feeling of rain on her face makes her laugh and she lets out a sigh of tranquility. she cannot imagine that her soul would ever stop loving the rain.

[starsfreckled-archived]

exiles .

“doma is gone. razed to the ground as an example to the other provinces.”

at those words, amaya stands up, her entire body tense. she doesn’t even realize how besides alphinaud and their guests, other people in the quicksand turn around to look at her. “why have we not heard of it... the alliance should have helped... they...” she looks to alphinaud who gives her a pitying look.

how could they have send help. amaya knows best what it took to take down the ultima weapon. they couldn’t fight on all these fronts, especially one so far away. taking a deep breath, the raen sits back down, arms crossed. despite the hood and mask, amaya can feel yugiri looking at her. an unspoken question lingering in the air that she decides to answer.

“I am sure my name and appearance have already given it away, but I am doman” amaya says, her fingers digging into the leather of her sleeve. “well doman born. my parents fled to gridania when I was little.”  “so that is why you sound eorzean” amaya nods before gesturing with her hand for yugiri to continue. they could talk about such things later, now she wanted to know more about doma’s fate.

by the end of the tale, amaya takes her cup into her hands, turning it around for a while. “we planned to help from the beginning, but rest assured that I will do my most to make sure that you and your people will find a safe place to stay.” they are my people too, a voice nags in her head that she tries to ignore. had she even the right to think that? she barely had a memory of doma. if not for the lack of an au ra population within eorzea and her name, nobody would ever think that the champion of eorzea was a refugee.

- -

as they stand in front of the syndicate, amaya listens to yugiri’s pleas for help, to let them stay, to give them a place to gather their strength again. she doesn’t know ul’dah’s politics that well and perhaps it is her naivety, but she cannot imagine anyone sending those souls away. and at first she seems right, with teledji speaking in favor of the refugees. until lolorito speaks, until he speaks of violence and criminals and...

“I saved you!” amaya slams her hands down on the table, glaring at the lalafell. everyone goes silent to stare at the champion. “I saved you - all of you - I am a refugee myself, which I am certain all of you here know, I am not that stupid, I know rich folks have looked into my past. then here it is: my father and mother were part of doma’s rebellion. they fled with me and lord kaien’s blessing to eorzea and settled in gridania. until his death did my father supply doma with goods and weapons or medicine. these people you are sending away, are my people! you owe me their safety, because you owe your lives to my deeds.”

it is the first time she had ever requested anything for her own self. the first time she brings up all she’s done for these people. her hands are still on top of the desk and her eyes glare at lolorito the same way she had stared at garleans and ascians alike. and he smirks. “as said, it seems most are prone to rather aggressive behavior - ah do not take it as an insult, champion - as you rightfully deduced, yours was a saving grace. but mayhap you should then look for gridania’s help and not ours, since it is the place that took you in”

“you know that is impossible” amaya answers. “with the people here negotiations are possible, you all listen to reason - or greed and money, whatever sways you, really - but elementals are different. especially after the calamity” perhaps beforehand it would have been possible, but now? she doubts the woods would allow over 200 unknown souls to enter, even if they did perform the ritual. the amount of cases of greenwrath had become worse after the calamity.

lolorito shrugs, still wearing that smirk “how unfortunate. but just as the elementals protect the woods, so does the syndicate protect ul’dah” and her coffers, amaya adds mentally as she watches the men and women vote on peoples fate and lives. as most of them walk out, amaya scoffs, staring after them.

she wants to scream, wants to yell that the next time some form of disaster looms over them, she would not do anything for ul’dah and leave her to the wolves... but she knows better. the people were not to blame. and the sultana and raubahn would welcome the refugees with open arms if they could. sill. she is half tempted to ask if the ultima weapon could be build again and if she could feed lolorito to it.

amaya walks out with the remaining people, hands balled to fists but after a moment she seems to collect herself. “do not worry” the raen addresses yugiri “we will find a solution. maybe that scene in there convinced you of something else, but my word does hold some weight and...” here she rests a hand on alphinaud’s shoulder “the kid here can be a know it all. but he is so justifiably, there is barely a mind that can hold a candle to his. he’s brilliant, far smarter than I am. and the other scions too, one of them will think of something.” she promises in a soft tone.

and when she looks at alphinaud, she can already see the gears turning in his head, making her smile 

“...I know that look, spit it out kid, you got an errand for me to run, don’t you?”

[starsfreckled-archived]

“azem”

she makes sure to be as silent as possible, tiptoeing down the stairs and out of her home. quickly putting on her mask, the little girl rushes towards the outskirts of amaurot. like every day she stops before truly leaving the city, sitting down to look at the outside world. maybe today... maybe today she would have the courage to go further. just one more step than yesterday ---

“kore!” her mother’s voice rips through the early morning and with a sigh she turns around. “yes mother?” “have I not told you not to come here on your own? honestly what am I to do with you?” her mother does not even look towards the outskirts, simply helping her daughter up and making sure her robe isn’t covered in grass spots.

“mother could we visit one of the villages?”  “and why would we do that, child? our family is here in amaurot, whatever could we want in another city? everything they have, we have too - and better. this is after all the jewel of all cities.” persephone sighs, rolling her eyes. she had tried before, saying she could learn so much along the road but her mother had just dismissed her with a laugh ‘dearest, all records are kept here. whatever you wish to learn you can learn here’ how.. boring. and predictable. and most importantly: boring! 

“now come along then, your studies await you” her mother takes her hand and with a sigh, persephone turns around, suddenly stopping. “mother. someone’s coming” it isn’t rare for someone to come to amaurot, there is a steady flow of visitors. however something just seemed different about this figure. usually people came for studies, to visit family or to talk to the convocation. and there were means to travel... this person however walked with no real purpose it seemed, with nothing on them that indicated a reason to be here.

her mother turns around too and pauses for a moment. “that is azem. the fourteenth member of the convocation. he travels the land and sometimes returns here. mostly when the convocation calls upon him.” persephone’s eyes widen - so this is azem. she had heard the name a few times but she had never met him. though she had met every other member of the fourteen, or at least seen them.

seeing as persephone seems unwilling to move, her mother waits patiently. there is not much one can do against a child’s curiosity and this one... she may even have too much for her own good. as azem reaches the two, he bows his head, smiling at the pair. “I did not expect a welcoming party - not this early in the morning at least.” “I admit it wasn’t our intention. my daughter she... she has the habit of coming here, staring. she is quite curious about the outside world.” persephone could have sworn that for a moment azem seemed surprised, lips parting but then he quickly recovers and looks down on her... and perhaps she had not seen it right anyway. “is that so? then today is your lucky day. whenever I come back I like to tell stories in the city center, would you like to join me?”

and join she did. her mother thought it to be the best cure. perhaps if her ‘little kore’ would hear about all the hardships of travel, of the world outside of amaurot she would stop with her foolish dreams and concentrate on other things. ‘she has a knack for plants, I believe working in the gardens would benefit her greatly. or perhaps astronomy, she does have a great love for the stars and it seems so fitting, seeing as she is covered in them’ of course she is not really covered in stars but her mother always liked to call her freckles so.

so as persephone sits down, she cannot do anything but focus on azem as he tells his stories. over time more people join, other children sit beside her. adults too. they make little ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ sounds at the appropriate moments of the tales. all but persephone who stares and stares and clings to every word from azem’s lips. the hours pass and the people come and go... and then just go. it is already dark when azem stops his stories, now sitting down next to her.

“your name is kore, right? I am sorry little one, but those are all the adventurers I had... in all my time as azem. not just this journey” “my name is persephone... mother just calls me kore because she likes to give me nicknames.” she explains with a huff before shuffling onto her feet, crossing her arms “and I think you are wrong. I think there are more stories. I don’t mean adventures and all that... but the other stuff. how is it really to be azem? the things in between the things you just told? the ordinary days?” and again, azem falls silent, beholding her with a bit of surprise before smiling. “... beautiful. though you are alone you are not lonely. every day starts new, every step is to see something new. even paths I have already walked change. because nature changes. always and---” he stops himself when someone calls out his title. the other convocation members walking towards them “azem! we figured you would be here, we wanted to get you to a late meeting.” the man stands up, nodding “of course. I actually do believe I have made an interesting discovery” he looks down to persephone, smiling “perhaps one here in amaurot too.”

it is only a couple of years later, when persephone is still regarded as young and reckless when she is offered the title of azem - by the former one. saying he had enough of the travels, that now he wishes to remain at home and perhaps work at the akadaemia. though if she had lost that curiosity he would understand and... but before he could even finish, persephone had cut him off, saying that no, her curiosity had only grown.

...ever since then she had called herself azem. at first only traveling for a day or three, her creation magic still in need of refinement before people felt secure enough to let her go even further. and further. and even further. to the point that when she returned, some young children had never seen her before and gathered in the city square to listen to her stories.

[starsfreckled-archived]

just a drabble about amaya’s overall emotions after the attack on the waking sands & her first visit to coerthas.

she tries to hide the tremble of her hands but soon enough her emotions overwhelm her and she quickly covers her mouth to drown the sobs that threaten to escape her.

this is why amaya never wanted to become an adventurer. even less some gods forsaken hero. she had been happy ! ...or at least she had been content. if she had not accepted the seedseer’s request all those weeks ago then this wouldn’t have happened.

...the people she had just buried might very well be still alive. ‘we have come for the one who slayed ifrit and titan’ but she had not been there and everyone else had paid the price for it.

amaya had never been good with loss. part of her still tried to bury the grief and pain she endured during the calamity. still shaking she sinks on her knees, feet kicking against the ground. “fuck, fuck....” she knows. she knows she has to keep herself together and collect her thoughts. she had to find some sort of way to help the others.

..she did not expect that help to come in form of a garlean defector and a smug elezen brat who believed he had the answer to everything. they had gotten into an argument when he eluded to the fact that she might have to go to coerthas. “you cannot be serious. nobody there will trust me, I’ll be lucky if some idiot doesn’t try to stab me because he thinks I am a heretic” she had always been careful around ishgardians. truthfully she could not only put the blame on them, the gridanian had been suspicious of her family too, often worried if the elementals would accept them. but as time passed her father and amaya had become part of the community. 

and so, alphinaud manages to convince her to look into coerthas in search for the enterprise. and amaya hates it, before traveling to the border she stopped in a little tavern in the shroud, wrapping her tail in some fabric before carefully tugging the tail into her pants, hiding the tip in the boots. there is nothing more she can do, her horns had always been bigger, but a hood might help to avert curious gazes from the distance.

she could also change her hairstyle, brush it over her face but... “you have scales on your forehead?” minfilia looked at her with surprise and when amaya nodded the scion gently pushed her hair away “why are you hiding them? they look like a diadem” minfilia had brushed her hair back, leaving amaya to think that she even somewhat looked like a hero...

no. no she would not hide her scales anymore. if something happened she’d just blame the kid and should something really bad happen, she would haunt said kid!

...it could have been worse. but amaya is not in the mood for even ‘slightly bad’. she is constantly on edge, guilt and the thirst to do something and help the scions who had been captured, kept her nervous. kept her pressing for faster solutions. killing the ixals becomes a sloppy mess because she loses focus and she snaps at people who are whispering when they see her.

so the auri woman opens the doors to camp dragonhead’s main building, already prepared for someone to mumble heretic “I am not a dragon. or some abomination between one and yours and---” she blinks, when the people just look at her and then smile. her cheeks quickly turn darker when she realizes that nobody seems surprised by her appearance. “... ‘m here to see lord haurchefant” she just says before raising her hands to blow against her fingers.

the lord of the camp seems absolutely unfazed by her previous outbursts, already pointing to a seat. “are you cold my friend? sit down traveler, you look tired and weary”

weary wanderer, you’ve no fight left to fight. no life left to live.

[starsfreckled-archived]

sundering .

they were arguing - of course they were arguing, they haven’t done anything but fight since the summoning of zodiark. it was loghrif who held her back by the arm, looking at persephone with those sad eyes of hers.

“won’t you return to us? be azem again? you only need to meed him once and then it will make all sense---” “and be changed and twisted like all of you? I do not even recognize you. any of you!”

if loghrif, or any other member of the convocation, had something to reply to that, she would never hear it. the earth underneath their feet started to shake - and then it washed over them, a wave of such immense strength that it made the world stop its breath.

all of them stare in horror as a being, not too unlike to zodiark, towered over their city. “oh no...no, no, no. I thought I had more time. I thought she could not do it so quickly” 13 pairs of eyes all looked at her and she took a step back, biting down on her lower lip. there would be no coming back from this.

“venat... one of her followers approached me. they have a plan, they... I figured they would try a summoning of their own, but I thought their preparations would take more time, I thought I could find a solution. a real one.” not another god, not zodiark. 

she could nearly feel the anger of the convocation and she takes another step back, realizing that in their eyes she must be a traitor too. they had not often agreed on things, she always had her own way of approaching problems ( namely, approaching and solving them in the first place, not simply standing by idly due to traditions ). but never had there been such a divide as now. 

but the world shook again as the other god rose to meet the new one. they had to watch as the two beings started their battle - as the first buildings started to collapse. as the convocation starts to discuss their next steps, persephone opens her mouth, only to be shot down by a glare of the speaker “I think you have done enough, you are not azem anymore. concern yourself with your own business”

she cannot answer - and perhaps it is best she cannot, because she never had been one for tact - when emet-selch gently pulls her away. “he is right - you can still help protecting the city if you want, but first go back to hermes. he will need you.”

persephone turned on her heels and started running. she ran until she reached her home in the outskirts of amaurot. the moment she opens the door, hermes already runs to her, throwing her arms around her midsection. “why is it happening again?! you said you solved it for now... I thought zodiark---” “it’s... it’s not the beasts.” she whispered, kneeling down to rest a hand against his cheek. the poor child must be terrified. he had lived outside of amaurot with his family ...all who had been slaughtered by the nightmares of the final days. she had found him back then and taken in, raising him ever since.

“we have to go” she wasn’t sure where. where does one hide when gods battle? probably at least further away from the buildings falling apart. she lifted hermes up, leaving her home behind them.

...there was no place to hide. not really. the only thing she could do, was to make sure hermes did not witness too much, while she watched everything. there is one thing persephone can tell: no place on this star would be safe. the world seemed to nearly collapse in itself, whenever the two primals would meet in one of their blows. 

as buildings fell, as fire started to consume, persephone tried her best to protect others. some of them stayed with her. officially azem or not, she had lead these people, had protected them ever since her youth, it was only natural that they would flock towards her.

“persephone!” her eyes widen when she sees hythlodaeus. “I tried to find you...” he stepped closer, leaning down to whisper into her ear “...some members of the convocation have fallen. they are trying their best to protect the people but...” but it was too much. it wasn’t like persephone could truly turn the tide - but she was more versed in fighting and protecting than most. she should at least be there. “what about emet-selch?” “last I saw he was still alive...”

“take hermes and this group, if you leave amaurot in this direction ...remember that stone plane I showed you and hades when we were children? you should be save from debris there. I’ll find him and the others. we’ll gather more survivors and send them your way...” she carefully placed the boy in hythlodaeus arms, smiling up at him. “I’ll see you later, old friend.” 

she turned away and only took a few steps, when another strike of the gods, sent her flying to the ground. in horror, she felt the earth open underneath her and in a panic she scrambled away... just in time to not be devoured by the abyss opening next to her. in horror she stared at the spot where hythlodaeus and hermes just had been. 

for a while she simply stared, silent tears streaming down her face. the concept of death was not unknown to her, even before the final days she had lost people - traveling had taught her that much. she had lost friends before, her parents had both sacrificed themselves to zodiark. she knew loss. she knew it. and yet, as she sat there, staring into the earthly maw, her mind could not comprehend what just happened. a part of her believed that if she just waited long enough, hythlodaeus would appear again, holding hermes and laughing that smug laugh of his “ah that was closer than I’d like !” ...but none of that happened.

it was the scream of someone else that made her finally look away. trembling, she stood up. she was crying the entire time that she protected others. at some point she could no longer tell if it was the grief over the loss of her friend and child, or whenever she failed to save someone. she could not remember when her mask fell off, when her hair came undone or where the blood on her face came from. was it hers? someone else’s? it did not really matter.

what she did remember was the moment her arm got cut off, shattered underneath debris that she could not escape. she remembers screaming, her hand soaking in her own blood as she tried to focus her healing on the wound. close! close already!

...it barely stopped her from still trying to shield other amaurotine. though she could feel the blood loss making her magic more clumsy, her shields weaker. and whenever she looked around, the people she had tried to protect had died... this was worse than the final days.

“I thought I told you to leave with hermes.” persephone looked up to emet-selch... for one moment she was about to break down, to scream and cry again, but instead she smiled. “I left him with hythlodaeus.” she explained, trying to sound as if she did not worry too much. even if fear coated her voice, then so what? of course she’d be terrified for those two... “what about you and the others?”

he opened his mouth but both had to cover their ears as a scream seemed to nearly shatter the fabrics of reality. “he is losing” persephone whispered, watching zodiark’s massive form seemingly stumbling back. “...she will kill him” she realized, watching the other god - the goddess was relentless in her attacks. we have to get away from here. it seemed her friend had the same idea when his hand reached out for her but..

...in an instance emet-selch was gone, whisked away by darkness. she stared at the spot he had just been before sighing. “so you can only protect those who serve you?” her eyes wander up to zodiark, on the ground trying to raise himself when that goddess rose above him, readying herself for what seemed to be a final strike.

gliding down a near by wall, persephone tried to bite down the scream, threatening to escape her. she managed somewhat, but the tears came back. ot hurt. it hurt - dying hurt. the loss of those she loved hurt. and yet, selifhisly as she laid there she thought about how she did not want to die. how she wanted to live. or how she at least did not want to die alone...

with a sob, her summoning circles appeared around her, but there was nobody to step out of them. they flicker and disappear as her powers and life dwindles. as the goddess shattered zodiark... persephone stared up at her, closing her eyes with a saddened smile as she recalled the faces of those she loved.

there is pain, one cannot describe. there is unspeakable pain. the pain of her very soul being ripped apart being one of these. there were no words for it, only the horrifying knowledge of an instant : that she would forget. forget everything, but this pain would carve itself into every single shard of hers.

[starsfreckled-archived]

first steps .

a little drabble about amaya joining the scions .

"I love you. I really do, amaya. but I am not sticking around this place and getting dragged down by your inability to act. you could do so much more, help so many more people. you got a real gift, but you don’t want to use it. you just want to hide away in your little world, where things don’t go wrong” the miqo’te grabs her back and walks to the door, standing there and looking back at the raen as if she waited for her to jump up and follow her. but amaya just looks away, hurt and ...unable to take that step. so instead she watches naih walk away and take her heart along the way.

“I don’t know miounne, I think that is enough adventuring for me. taking part in the greenbliss like that and passing out in front of everyone...” but the elezen just smiles softly and leans forward, chin prepped in one hand “but you cannot really stop thinking about it, right?” no. no she could not. even if being an envoy might as well be boring, it would mean traveling. it would mean seeing the world she has so long neglected to visit.

...and so she does accept the offer to become gridania’s envoy. it was supposed to be simple. a little step into the outside world. but now she sits there in ul’dah, staring at her second mug of beer. by the twelve how did she end up properly adventuring? even entering dangerous locations? ( pirate dens, old ruins and old mines ! ).

momodi looks at her with the same amusement that she had often seen in miounne’s face - maybe all tavern owners are capable of that one particular expression. “still planning on going home?” she asks and amaya’s tail twitches. her airship back to gridania would fly in a few hours - would fly her back to the comfort of her familiar woods and home.

but she could not forget about that odd pair from before. papalyomo and yda. she had seen them for years around gridania, but never paid them much mind. not until they ended up fighting side by side. and even then she had kept her curiosity in check. until they talked about inviting her to their organization. until that lalafell told her ‘that is no aether sickness you have and you know that. you’ve healed enough people with it to know you don’t got it. we can tell you what it is’. of course, she had known that her headaches and strange visions had never been aether sickness. but it had been a good enough excuse for overly curious people. ever since her childhood people would pity her for those episodes. such a strong case of the ailment... resulting in her curled up in her bed. ( how could she explain that not the headaches but peoples memories were the devastating part? what if people started to avoid her if she told the truth? she had not even told aurifort about it until they had been together for years. and naih too... though both had been accepting of it, knowing she spoke the truth when she revealed things about them they never told her of ).

again, her eyes wander to her airship ticket. to the promise of safety and familiarity. she is just a conjurer. whatever could a group like the scions want from her? she could simply go... but she couldn’t. she thinks of her father, who even here in eorzea, had often smuggled weapons towards doma. she thinks of how aurifort had wanted to see the world, but could never do so, his life cut short by the calamity. and she thinks of naih who had called her a coward... and amaya knows that the miqo’te had been right. and maybe. maybe it really was about time for her to stop hiding and simply try and see what happened if she took a bigger step outside of her comfort zone.

“...the waking sands in vesper bay, right?” she asks momodi whose smile immediately brightens. amaya doesn’t even wait for a conformation before jumping up from her chair and rushing towards the quicksand’s doors. “hiko!” she yells towards her chocobo waiting outside. the blue bird steps towards her, waiting for amaya to climb on his back.

patting over hiko’s neck, amaya laughs nervously as the chocobo rushes across the sandy terrain of thanalan. and then she simply leans back, looking at the blue sky above her, laughing as the wind plays with her hair. when had been the last time she had felt such excitement?

“might be nothing” she mumbles towards her mount, still laughing. “might also be a fun little adventure” probably nothing that would occupy her for too long. “... ah if this turns out to be nothing we might have to travel by foot back to gridania. those cursed tickets are rather expensive” honestly, those scions might better be worth the trouble.

[starsfreckled-archived]

calamity .

 tw for death, violence, blood, grief etc . if you play xiv you know what the calamity is & that it wasn’t pretty .

“go inside” amaya listens to an elezen woman ushering her children into their home, eyes looking up at the red moon that slowly but surely has gotten closer over the past few months. it was terrifying to look at and yet, there was something hypnotizing about it too.

the auri woman hurries through gridania’s pathways, holding a box filled with bandages and medicine. they had started to stock up on what they could find in the guild. usually they did not lack herbs and what not but most of it had been shipped to carteneau. most of the conjurer and healers who stayed back now supplied their own personal stockpiles. 

looking back up at the moon, she could not help but have the sinking feeling that something was wrong ( well more wrong than the empire being ready to conquer them, more than those rumors about something called project meteor ). “amaya, are you alright?” a gentle hand rests on her shoulder and her gaze quickly shifts from the descending moon to aurifort. “yes... I... I was just lost in thought. how are preparations going for you?” the elezen shrugs, looking back to the twin adder’s headquarters. 

“I think we have done what we can. most of them wish they were at the battlefield and not here. those who are glad to be here are mostly those who work together with the hearers. they say the elementals have been restless as of late.” the mention of the elemental still makes her feel nervous, surely her and her family had proven many times that they belonged to gridania but who knew how the forest’s mood would be. they could be cast out within seconds.

“right then, I’ll go back. you stay within the guild, yes?” aurifort dips his head down, kissing her. both smile and she nods. “stay safe, yes?”

the first thing she heard was the bursting of the moon, followed by the great wyrm’s roar. it was near deafening, even though the dragon was not close to gridania.

what came next were the screams.

and the screams were followed by chaos, flames and blood. within moments the conjurer guild was filled with wounded citizen. she tried to ask what was happening but nobody could give her a clear answer. from the words she could gather and from the shaking of the earth, it truly seemed like the whole world was about to collapse.

“amaya can you and a few others start to prepare mih khetto’s amphitheater for more wounded? the guild cannot hold any more” looking up from one of her patients that she had just finished bandaging, amaya nods towards e-sumi-yan “shall we take some of the more lightly wounded with us to help?” the guildmaster nods and amaya quickly gathers some healers and volunteers.

...the outside greeted them with the warmth of near flames and the screams growing even louder. people ran about in a panic as above them the sky itself seemed to rain fire.

their little group hurried along, it was a long track from the guild to the theater, havng to enter one of the tunnels near apkallu’s falls. absent minded, amaya notices that the eldery elezen that had often stood there was gone. louisoix had been his name if she recalled it right and she had often seen him and others hurry about or discuss the state of things. they had seemed far more involved in the preparations for this than others. at one point they had even talked, though briefly. kan-e-senna had introduced them, but the moment the elder seedseer had mentioned her migraines, amaya had excused herself. she couldn’t risk anyone knowing about those strange visions she had.

just as she was about to turn back to her group, one of those flashes swept her away from her current presence. she found herself looking at the carteneau flats. there was nothing but terror and death. the great wyrm descended down, his stare fixated on a lone figure ---was that louisoix? 

before she could really tell, the vision was already over and amaya quickly leaned against one of the stone walls as the migraine grew stronger. looking up she opened her mouth to call out for the other healers... when the tunnel collapsed, burying conjurer and wounded alike. anyone who had already been hiding in the theater that day perished.

staring at the now destroyed entrance, the young woman simply stands there, not even able to move. she barely notices when aurifort grabs her shoulders, shaking her to get her attention before finally hugging her, averting her gaze from the blood that started to pour out beneath the stones. 

“amaya, go back to the guild, tell e-sumi-yan what happened. tell him we are going into the woods, the hearers say that the elementals are in chaos, we have to bring everyone into gridania.” she still stares past him but when aurifort takes hold of her face it seems to finally break her trance and she nods. “I can come with you, if someone needs help I can heal them” he smiles and his fingers brush over her cheeks. “no, you need to warn people not to use the tunnels and help prepare the guild to take in more wounded - I’ll also go and bring your father here. it’s better to not be alone right now and he can help organize things” right. gyosei’s knowledge back from his days when he fought for doma could be of use.

“tell him to take along my mother’s journals, she wrote down how to properly improvise when faced with too many wounded” she is about to turn away and rush back to the conjurer guild when aurifort tugs her back and kisses her, leaning their foreheads together. “stay safe, my heart. I’ll be back before you know it.”

it was the last kiss the two of them would share. she barely remembers the hours that followed. she knows she told the other healers about the deaths at the theater, she remembers their shocked faces but like her they didn’t cry. none of them had time to panic and shed tears. they had to concentrate on saving lives.

she remembers that the lights from outside seemed to flash, that people said something fought bahamut... that bahamut disappeared. it barely made a difference with the noise. with the roaring of the dragon gone, the screams from all across the twelve woods only grew louder. hours passed, perhaps even a day or two, she could barely remember it.

only when she nearly collapsed and e-sumi-yan told her to rest did she leave the safety of the guild, stepping outside into sunlight and a foreve changed eorzea. taking a deep breath she wondered where by the twelve she could just lay down and rest when she realized that... neither her father nor aurifort had returned.

...she ran. she ran past the people who tried to stop her, she ran through the yellow serpent gate and into the north shroud. trying to recreate the steps one would take to quickly gather the people of all the near villages... but the woods had changed and paths that used to lead somewhere lead nowhere. bridges had collapsed and the entire ground seemed changed. still. she found her way around, recognizing different little things.

she must be near the gelmorra ruins. the old collapsed walls looked like the place where they had once stood.a memory of a long gone place... sheis about to hurry past them and up towards peacegarden and hyrstmill, when once more the visions take her.

the sky still burns and the wyrm still rages. aurifort and her father lead a small group of survivors past the ruins, the two of them trying to distract each other by talking. “by the kami, I do hope the house survives. I had planned on giving it to you and amaya after the wedding” “we’ll deal with things as they come, we just need to survive this... a cottage can be rebuild after all” they keep on talking, talking about how gyosei build a tree house for amaya when they had just arrived. how she had slept there for days after her mother’s death and only aurifort managed to coax her down. they talk when the cliffside next to them collapses, when the stones bury them and everyone in their group...

no, no, no. she runs towards the stones, trying to figure out the spot her father and fiance had stood. she screams when she finds the severed hand of her father, trying to shove away the boulders, going as far as to use her magic and using her own aether... but she isn’t strong enough.

with a scream she falls on her knees, burying her head in her hands and weeping. 

she is found hours later by wood wailers who bring her back to gridania. it takes two days until she finally talks. until in a hushed voice she mumbles the names of the people who had died underneath those boulders. and then... then she takes her gief and locks it away.

she is alive and she has things to do. wounded are still pouring in, now even more as the soldiers return from the flats. it takes weeks upon weeks for a sense of sanity to return. it takes weeks until their shifts aren’t short naps in a corner before they throw themselves into mending broken bodies. when they can slow down, the world has truly and fully changed, the map of eorzea mingled beyong recognition in some parts.

...one part that seemed, in some sort of twist, barely touched is the area around amaya’s cottage. it still stands, some branches had penatrated the roof, but nothing she couldn’t fix... she couldn’t fix the emptiness of it though. the silence that seemed to drown her there. but she makes it work. she digs a grave next to her mother’s grave, she places flowers down. she fixes the roof and starts to offer her works out of the cottage, transforming it’s upper parts into a place where she could take care of the sick and hurt.

...it doesn’t heal the gaping hole in her heart, but it helps her burying it. burying her emotions and her pain. she doesn’t cry for her family again, not even during the ceremonies held acroos eorzea to remember the fallen. she simply stubbornly throws herself into her work.

[starsfreckled-archived]

“who are you really?” forcing the raen on her knees, she looks up at the scions, sighing. “...a garlean spy.” she can see minfilia close her eyes for a moment, shoulders stiffening. this was probably the answer they had been worried about the most.

“aeliana is your name then?” minfilia holds up a letter and amaya shrugs “it’s the name I gave myself when I became a soldier. it’s easier to be accepted with a name that doesn’t sound doman.” she nods towards the piece of paper “have you read it?”

“yes, it’s the reason why we haven’t dragged you into one of the city states to be held as a prisoner. those are clearly papers meant to inform your higher ups about the state of eorzea and of us... but they are all false information” amaya smiles a little bit before tying to raise her hands a little. “would you please let me sit properly so I may explain myself?”

minfilia hesitates for a moment but then nods at the scions behind her as they let her go. rolling her shoulders amaya walks to the chair in front of the scion’s leader. “remind me to never piss off anyone from the main team if that’s how rough the waking sand’s guards are” the jest doesn’t really work. well she had tried to make the atmosphere a little bit friendlier.

“I did not lie, I am a born doman. my parents tried to flee but were recognized. you see they worked under lord kaien - we were shipped off and made a stop in the nation of werlyt. some officer tried to probably get some points from the legatus ...he tried coaxing out some secrets out of my parents. they didn’t survive” 

her voice sounds quite matter of fact. the memories still hurt, but she had learned to ignore the pain. “I became part of a group of orphaned raen.” a soft smile crosses her face but she knows there is no time to dwell on the happier days.

“I was picked as a spy because everyone assumed I had a sickly nature. not fit enough to fight but fit enough to blend in with other refugees and find out how eorzea was doing - especially the city states and their primal problem” before she can continue, minfilia raises her hand, a questioning look on her face.

“I have seen you fight. you are not a sickly person” “no, I am not. but that is how the echo looks to people who don’t know it... ah right. I told you I got it when I arrived here. that was a lie. the things I see are much clearer now, but I always had the echo” from there on she continues her story.

she tells minfilia about how she left behind her uniform at baelsar’s wall together with the name she had picked herself all those years ago as a child. how she walked into gridania under the guise of an adventurer. it had been so terribly simple. nobody questioned a raen girl that knew nothing of eorzean life due to being a newly arrived refugee.

she tells her how exactly she found out about the scions and joined them. how, for the first time, she got answers to her questions about the echo. how for the first time, things started to make sense. “I did not plan to fight ifrit that day, I knew what monsters primal can be. but finding out I cannot be tempered... I knew if I returned to the empire there was a chance they would just cut me open and try to figure out how to use that power - not even gaius van baelsar would be able to protect me from this, even though I was one of the orphans that called him father”

crossing her arms, amaya’s gaze shifts back to the scroll on the table. “...it wasn’t just self-preservation though that made me start writing wrong reports. do not get me wrong, I love my family that I have there... but we are orphans for a reason and that reason is the empire. what you have here minfilia, what the scions stand for: I want to be part of it” when she looks back up at the hyuran woman, she is surprised to find her sigh in relief and smiling at her. she wouldn’t have blamed her if she had never believed her and just killed her on the spot but... no. no that was the smile of someone who was about to offer a second chance.

“do you intend on keeping up your lie with the empire?” amaya hesitates. she had thought much about how to deal with that particular problem. “no. I would soon need to return and answer for my false reports... so I think perhaps it is time to send a message to them. a warning that eorzea will not tolerate any spies.” 

amaya rises to her feet with a determined look on her face “...we’ll need a heavy weapon and a healer. and I’ll probably have troubles keeping balance for a while but... it should work” for a moment, minfilia frowns, not understanding what the petite au ra had planned, but then it slowly dawns on her...

...days later a package appears in castrum oriens, containing parts of a raen horn covered in blood, together with a little gem that ‘aeliana’ usually wore on her forehead, as if to mirror the garlean eye.