#❛ ✖︎ — int — jude ╱ caleb. °

[silkchvffon]

closed for my darling @invcntions 🤍

HE CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME he shared a meaningful kiss with someone. he can't remember the last time he held someone tenderly and meant it. the only reason jude even allows it in the first place, the only reason he's not immediately killing every emotion he now bears, is because he knows it's temporary. when he kisses his boyfriend goodbye in the doorframe and watches as liam walks away he can only hold the fondness knowing, in the end, it means nothing. he closes the door behind liam and retreats into his shared home. it's a relationship, and it's even sweet — but it's a far cry from the meaningful bonds jude knows himself able to create, the prime example of this stood in front of him now as caleb walks into view. still, if anyone's inspired this change within him it is exactly this man. « don't look at me like that, » jude huffs, but lips curl into a defensive smile. « this one i won't kill. i'm quite fond of him. »

[silkchvffon]

IT'S THE PAUSE THAT HAS JUDE SATISFIED — satisfied that lucius will hold his word. he appreciates that lucius doesn't question why, mostly because jude lacks the words to give an honest answer. he's not sure any language holds the ability to describe just what jude and caleb has become — though now it hardly matters. they're nothing. they're supposed to be nothing. and still, when jude can choose the world, he chooses caleb. « and what is it you ask of me, in return ? » one eyebrow shoots up in anticipation. the reply doesn't matter much anyway. jude's already made up his mind. « when i'm all yours, what is it you'll have me do ? »

the answer takes him aback. it's a new one, sure — yet it's the realisation of how severely he's misjudged the situation between the two vampires that causes lucius to fall momentarily silent. “ it would be a waste anyway. ” he finally hums, gaze studying the other male's carefully — food choice aside and caleb is still a vampire, a not entirely useless one. certainly not if he means something more to jude than the amusement, or companionship, he once had it pegged as. “ no one will lay a hand on him. you have my word — i don't believe in our kind killing each other. ” which isn't to say he hasn't done many times, it simply isn't as satisfying as it is with humans. “ i do require fealty, jude. as long as i have it no one will go near him, not just my lot. i'll make sure you're both safe. ”

[silkchvffon]

closed for @invcntions <3

THERE IS SO MUCH BLOOD. jude should care about that, and somewhere deep down he's aware of it, but there's a violent roaring in his ears he can't ignore. thoughts muddle in a dark pool and he keeps sinking closer to the bottom — with every human scream, with every teary eye, with every heartfelt plea. it fuels an unspeakable part of him. it fuels a part of him that both is and isn't him. he's teetering on the edge of insanity, the line between human and monster so blurry jude can't seem to remember that there's supposed to be one. he lets go of the limp body in his sticky hands, faintly aware of sirens somewhere in the distance. but he's not worried — why would he be, when he has nothing left to lose ?

[silkchvffon]

IT'S SO EASY TO GET INTO caleb's office that jude almost feels welcome when he leisurely rummages through the contents in the desk drawer. nothing really piques his interest, but knowing caleb was here only hours ago makes it enticing to do a deep - dive regardless, just to be on the same page. in a way, twisted and sick as it is, they're a team after all and jude takes comfort in the thought, even when being the bane of caleb's existence has become his sole reason to even continue existing. he sinks down into caleb's chair, spinning around slowly as he throws a piece of paper back on the desk. all that confidential information, so easily lost to the wrong hands ... he shudders theatrically at the thought, as if he cares. he knows caleb is only a few seconds away, can feel it in the way the air shifts, and he knows caleb will know he is here before he's even opened the door. jude is back on his feet when the other vampire enters his own office, relaxed smile meeting his friend — or whatever it is they are. in his hand he holds caleb's coffee cup, probably put up for show. jude does the same thing when he teaches evening classes and the simple notion that they're similar in this way thrills him. « has no one ever noticed your cup is always empty ? » he greets the other, dropping said cup so it clatters harmlessly against the floor, cementing the very fact that he's only here to be an inconvenience, like a child searching for attention. « i'm thinking of getting you a new one. one that says world's greatest detective or maybe one with a picture of sherlock holmes. though you do strike me as more of a poirot - kind of man. »

@invcntions.

[silkchvffon]

THERE'S A FAMILIAR SINKING FEELING in jude's gut when caleb speaks. it's fair, every single point the other vampire is making, and yet a part of jude has always taken it for granted that caleb understood. understood the significance he's always played in jude's own sorry existence, understood the strength of their woven bond. it's the thought that jude may have been mistaken that kills him. they've fought before, but there's a tragic finality to every word caleb delivers now that the previously unspoken unravels and crumbles between them. jude nods. jude can't stop nodding. he gets it, and that's the worst part. « you're right. it's just a game, » jude confirms quietly, his shoulders slumping in defeat. « it's all been some silly fucking game. all of it. » the words taste bitter and untrue, but he can't stop spilling regardless. anything to create a wedge between them, to make it easier to do what he knows he has to. he doesn't deserve caleb. he's been a fool to believe he ever would. « i'm not fucking cut out for this and we both know that. » hurt is evident in his tone, on his face, and jude catches himself wondering if this is the first time he's shown any human emotion, even to caleb. what a tragic end to what jude has always considered to be forever. « so what happens now is you win. i'm done playing. » and the true tragedy is he means it. and he turns to leave to spend eternity the way he always should've — without weighing caleb down.

for a moment he feels awful. ungrateful. asking too much of jude who has, in truth, given him almost everything he had wanted from the other vampire over the last handful of centuries, in just the space of a few short months — and then he remembers liam. he remembers the feeling of watching jude do it all with his arm round someone else, while showing he is willing to be committed and gentle, for someone else. and caleb considers briefly that maybe it would have been better to be staked through the chest anyway. “ your loyalties? ” he repeats the phrase with an edge of indignation, distance between the two quickly closed as he stands in front of the other vampire. “ was i supposed to know that's what that was, when you showed up every few years to tell me you were the killer on the case i was working? when you just about agreed not to eat someone long enough to stay here? ” deep down he does know it, yet he's too angry about the way it's been shown to hold that fact too highly. “ you have always made it painfully clear that this is all a game, jude. always. and i can't stand it. i have no idea which parts of it are real. ” he knows the answer to the question almost the instant he hears it asked, can't ignore the way the realisation hits him like a truck. he wants jude. he wants jude the way liam has him. the jude who'll let someone in. yet he can't say it, not when jude could pick liam, when caleb could spend an eternity in his own company because he made jude choose only to learn he would never be the answer. “ i want to know what happens now ! ” he settles on instead, the consequences still too high. “ i want to know if you're going to turn him? if you're going to spend the rest of your life with him? ” or if it's still going to be them.

[silkchvffon]

HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO and it's surprising to jude to find that there's relief in that. the last months have been filled with aimless wandering only interrupted by the occasional command from lucius. confusion means there's still something left in the parts of jude that once fit into caleb's existence — it means there's still something left to fight for. to live for. and therefore to lose. jude can't afford to lose. purpose isn't what he craves anymore. destruction, chaos, pain — all of that is tangible and always within reach for vampires like him. the beast in him has always been stronger than the human counterpart, especially when the latter has always depended on caleb to function. codependency is no way to exist. but love — oh, for love ... he may just be swayed. the inner conflict is blinding and before jude knows it he's swatted caleb's hands away and slammed him into the nearest wall. his hand comes up instinctively, either to strike or to choke the other man, anything that will inflict damage, but then something tender flashes in his blue hues. his blackened stare softens for a moment and jude begrudgingly drops his hand and moves away from caleb so fast the movement makes him dizzy. « no, » he breathes, as if to scold himself. the action leaves him with a splitting headache and he presses a hand against his forehead as he exhales shakily. « don't you understand ? i'll hurt you, i'll — i'll kill you. » color returns to jude's visage as he feels himself come to his senses, and the enormity of the slaughters he's committed within the last few months sinks in. « i don't know how to stop. »

a soft grimace tugs over his features at the evident sound of bones cracking, eyes pulling closed for only a moment as the body hits the ground before his gaze is turning swiftly back to rest on jude. his features soften, despite the sight which surrounds the other man — the loss of human life is a tragedy by most standards, but it isn't the reason his hearts pulls slowly in two at the empty gaze which meets his own. he knows better than to expect any familiarity to flicker across the other's expression, yet caleb can't help himself searching desperately for it. there's nothing. at least for a moment. then the sentence fades and if nothing else it feels like his opening, an invitation to step forwards when any hesitation in the other could be a chance to get him back. the hands in his jacket pockets pull the material a little tighter around himself as he walks towards him — protection from a wind he can't really feel, from what he might get as the distance between them closes. “ never. ” he mutters softly, though there's a firmness to the assurance that there's no chance of him wavering as he comes to a stop before jude. his jude, the one he's sure is in there, somewhere, at the end of the unfinished sentence. “ i'm sorry. ” it's barely a whisper, unsure where to start when there's too much for. he shouldn't have questioned things between them, let a human matter so much, taken so long to put aside his own hurt before trying to get jude back. and he does need him back, months of immortality already unbearable without the other part of him by his side. caleb can't help himself, hands raising to cup the other's face gently as brown eyes search the familiar features for something, anything, that he knows in them. “ i won't leave you again. ” he promises gently.

[silkchvffon]

HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO with caleb's reply. doesn't know where to go from here if they're moving in the wrong direction. all jude feels is an inexplicable and sudden urge to find liam and rip him apart — his own heart be damned if caleb isn't happy. he'd tear the entire world to pieces if it would ensure caleb's happiness. jude allows the inquiry to spin in his head, mostly because for once in his sorry existence jude finds himself rendered speechless. the question is too big — it would take centuries to untangle all that they are and even then there would be no words big enough to describe it. « you wanted change, i give you change. » it's posed more like a question than anything else, unsure of just where he's gone wrong, but sure that it is wrong somehow. « i don't give a shit what liam thinks we are. i know where my loyalties lie and after years of staying in your company i thought you did too. » a flash of hurt passes on jude's face, but he's quick to replace it with anger. « i gave this shitty town a chance for you. i stopped killing for you. i live with a bunch of infant vampires, a ghost and a fucking fox for you ! you, caleb ! what more do you want from me ? » and caleb can, in this moment, ask anything of him and jude will come back like a dog with a bird in his mouth every time.

for a moment he contemplates leaving the room, leaving the country, if only it will get him aways from this very conversation. knowing jude likes liam makes it no easier to hear the words voiced aloud, grip tightening slowly on the book in his hand as if he can channel the way that his chest knots through white knuckles. it doesn't help. nothing so far has helped. not with this. “ no. ” the reply takes too long, eyes narrowing as he turns back on the spot to face the other vampire. “ no, jude. it won't fucking delight me. ” his tone's too venomous, heart beating too fast for anything that's said now to go well. but he's already started. “ do you have any clue how long i tried to get you to care about something? how many people i watched you kill? i thought you needed time. not some human you picked up one night at a bar. ” not someone else apparently worth changing for. “ who does he think i am to you? ” the question escapes his lips before he can stop it, drenched in a weight that caleb knows it has no right to hold. friends? they've never been friends. housemates? several centuries of history reduced to such a plain word is almost enough to be nauseating. “ with him here, who — who am i to you? ” it doesn't need repeating, yet it's not the same question, it's the version that matters.

[silkchvffon]

SATISFACTION INSPIRES JUDE'S LIPS TO CURL into a beam. he'll never tire of his name from caleb's mouth, the single syllable enough to breathe life into him again, to remind him what it was like to feel a heartbeat skip in his chest. it's not real of course, a thinly veiled lie, but jude will cling onto it regardless. « that's good, » he nods, getting up from his seat — the desk between them suddenly deemed a hindrance too big. hardly a millisecond later he's standing in front of caleb, that ever – present smirk on his lips lingering. « almost believable. » he leans in, lips just a hair from brushing against caleb's. it would be easy to lean in, bridge whatever little distance keeps them apart, but then jude wonders what the next few hundred years would look like. if caleb would resent him for it. and an existence without caleb would hardly be existing at all. « it'll do. for now, » he hums, leaning away and turning his back as if it's all merely a game to him. « i will hold it against you, you know. that i was a good boy. at least for six months. »

he can hear the inflection in jude's tone, confirmation jude's heard the words and interpreted them in the way he views best. a way that caleb certainly hadn't meant them. somehow, it's still enough. they can argue over the definition of the word innocent at some other point ( and caleb doesn't doubt that they will, time and time again ). right now jude is agreeing, and it's all he can ask for. more than he expected to get. “ six months. ” he nods gently in agreement. after six months they'll both be ready to kill each other anyway, in need of some time apart to save the lingering remains of their sanity. “ jude — ” the name slips easily from his lips, tension suddenly heavy when throughout this whole exchange he's not sure which of them has won. he's getting his way, but not without jude getting his own first. “ i want you to stay. ” the words are surprisingly easy, not so much forced out as falling freely into the quiet of his own office. decades have already passed spent arguably in just each other's company, and it's almost a surprise they haven't tried it before. out of boredom if nothing else. “ please, stay. ” he adds gently at the thought, an edge more sincerity lacing the tone.

[silkchvffon]

HE DOES NOT DO COMPROMISE. this is not new — jude has always been this way, even before he was turned into what he is now. even when life had looked vastly different and his partner had been someone else entirely. it's perhaps the only human quality he's kept through all these years. but then caleb asks and jude finds himself considering, a privilege reserved only for him. perhaps it could be a better existence if it means caleb would approve, the pushing and pulling of the two finally ceasing to exist. but then again: he's not sure he'd want it any other way. their paths will continue to cross for years to come ( jude will make sure of it ) and they may as well keep it interesting. « innocent people, » he repeats with emphasis, head tilting ever so slightly. he supposes he could do that — it'd be a challenge, a game, something to keep his mind occupied when the days are so monotonous and repetitive. besides, that would still leave room to include many humans on his menu. and if it would please caleb jude can't bring himself to deny. a smile grows at the very thought of it. « six months, detective. that's all you get. now, say the words and we have a deal. »

he knows the gleam in the other vampire's eye, the familiar lean in that dares him to rise ( or normally sink down ) to jude's level and take the challenge. if the agreement sounds gentle on the surface it'd only be to someone who doesn't know jude the way he does — he'll stay if only to prove it was the wrong thing to ask for. despite that knowledge, for a moment caleb struggles to care. there's a second of peace in the thought of jude remaining in some middle of nowhere town with him, in knowing his whereabouts and knowing they have time. “ i'll ask you to stay — ” he begins gently, leaning forward to in order to meet jude part way, as if in rise to the challenge. “ but if you do it'll be on my terms. no killing innocent people. not the saxophonist. or the mailman. no one. for at least six months. ” even if jude were to agree to it, caleb isn't sure that he'd believe the words. hazel eyes still rest firmly on the other vampire's — and for a moment he's taken by how desperately he wants to hear the acceptance. generations of always moving were exhausting, and scrapping together the faint slithers of something which resembles a life in each new town is worse. there's suddenly nothing caleb wants more than this. the company. the conversation. with jude. for long enough to remember what the point to it all is. “ just try it. after that we can both get out this place. ” separately, no doubt. after all, that's how things work.

[silkchvffon]

JUDE DOESN'T EVEN TRY TO HIDE his grin when caleb speaks, and this despite the fact that he's not exactly being pleasant. this attitude is something jude's come to expect though — unsurprisingly, since breaking and entering is a crime after all. still, if jude were to make a list of morally questionable acts of his he's pretty sure frequenting caleb's office uninvited ranks rather low. « really ? » he clicks his tongue in disappointment, « i thought you knew me better than that by now. » he sits down in the opposite chair on the visiting side of caleb's office and kicks his feet up on his desk. « well, you could always start inviting me. » shit – eating grin appears on his visage, hands coming to rest behind his head — so assured in his position with caleb that jude knows he can portray every obnoxious trait of his without ever facing banishment. even eternity with a nemesis is better than eternity alone. « that's ... accurate, for now, » he replies slowly, sucking a breath through his teeth. « i do regret to inform you that you may have a very distressed woman at your door tomorrow. » he doesn't seem to regret it much at all — and to his defense, the woman's husband had been a cheating ass anyway. if anything jude thinks he may have done her a favor. « i am, however, working up an appetite so i may take care of her for you. what are friends for, eh ? »

he knows jude's near before his hand's even raised for the door handle. with most people it'd be a smell, or a sound, something tangible that caleb was able to explain. with jude it's just a feeling, as if centuries of encounters have attuned him to every last detail of how the atmosphere around the vampire shifts, unable to be ignored even if he tried. and he'd tried. by now caleb knows better than to waste his time thinking about it, the same way he also knows jude's already aware he's about to enter as he does so without a trace of surprise to see the other stood near his chair. “ my cup is always empty? ” the observation repeats slowly, brown-eyed gaze moving instantly beyond the other to examine the state of his own desk — he's always been fond of order, particularly in his office, which is how he can almost guarantee jude's disrupted it. “ how deeply metaphorical. didn't know you had it in you. ” his own greeting offers little more than an off-hand insult, one that if he dared he would have laced with a slight edge of humor. although it's far too early to give jude the satisfaction. instead, dark eyes simply roll at the collision of his mug with the floor, bag dropping onto the chair before he's willing to shift his full attention the other vampire. “ you'll have to warn me if we're starting to do gifts. wouldn't want to be rude and not have something prepared for the next time that you break in. unannounced. again. ” he's almost joking, though only with the sort of dry humor that comes from years of nothing being particularly funny and one specific consistently uninvited guest. “ what do you want? i've got work to do and none of it involves you. ” at least caleb hopes, though it wouldn't be the first time jude was the answer to some case he was working on.

[silkchvffon]

HE ALWAYS BALANCES ON THE LINE BETWEEN feeling like the universe is punishing him by dooming him to eternity with this grumpy excuse of a vampire, or rewarding him by offering him a partner at all. realistically jude knows he's not important enough for either, but acting as if he has purpose makes it easier to see decades pass. trailing in caleb's wake makes it meaningful. he's only halfway listening to caleb's words, at least until something akin to a warning is uttered. « i'll stay if you want me to, » jude agrees. doesn't mean he'll play by caleb's rules though. he removes his feet once again and leans closer over the desk, closer to caleb. there's a challenge gleaming in his eyes and he's certain the other man can spot it right away. they know each other well enough by now. « tell me you want me to stay. » he presents the comment as a joke, as if he doesn't care whether caleb obliges or not, but deep down he craves it. would want to be wanted just once in his sorrowful never – ending existence, especially by caleb. tension between them has always been thick enough to drive a knife through, but decades pass without any of them making a move to even graze it. can't blame jude for poking just a little. « tell me, and i'll consider keeping your precious saxophonist alive. »

would he like it too much? the initial answer would be yes, a resounding yes, that there's nothing which sounds nicer than his peace and quiet uninterrupted by the chaos that seems to follow jude. the reality has never been that simple, and the times they truly argued and went their separate ways have been some of the loneliest in his now painfully long existence — though there's no sense in giving jude the power of letting him know that, nor does he really imagine that the other vampire would want to hear it. you're company. the statement sums it up well enough for nothing else to need to be said. “ don't patronize me, jude. ” he warns with no real weight to the words, tired brow raising as the other male's legs find themselves back on his desk. “ i like jazz, so i'm going to need those musicians alive. maybe if you want to take out a country singer i'll put up less of a fight to stop you. ” his head shakes gently, the words clearly untrue when they both know he'll never just stand by. at least the jazz part's true, a reminder of a slightly simpler time before each new city meant a new online presence too. or trying to scrub away the old one. “ i'm staying. ” he finally states, as if it were ever up for debate. “ and i think you should too. i'm serious, you kill the wrong musician at the wrong pub and one day they'll have it on cctv — you aren't moving on anywhere if your face ends up on every screen in the country, gotta stay under the radar, at least every now and then. ” if he's not careful it almost comes off as concern, overly aware of growing need for caution in a world they weren't exactly born into.

[silkchvffon]

IT'S HARD TO ALLOW HIMSELF TO LOVE LIAM when the other most important person in his life, his better half most would say, is putting up stone walls that were never there before. the distance was humorous to jude when it had first appeared — now creases of worry have appeared on his forehead. whatever caleb and jude are, it is not this. « i do really like him, » he echoes and feels the truth of it heavy in his chest. it's nice to care for someone again after all these years, nice to know he can still be gentle, that this frozen existence has yet to turn him completely. in the back of his mind he already knows this though, but to admit the truth — that caleb keeps him grounded, shakes his heart and tears down his guard — would be tempting fate. « i don't know, » jude admits with a shrug as if it doesn't matter. « you weren't supposed to be angry. » a pause. « tell you what — he'll drop me off, that's it. no more entering the house. would that delight you, detective ? »

his own hypocrisy is almost suffocating, desire to be happy for jude desperately trying to fight for the surface when he knows he should be — this is what he's always wanted, for jude as much as for humanity's well-being. it just doesn't feel how he'd expected it would, reminiscent of a sense of loss he'd last felt a few hundred of years ago. but somehow this was worse. “ you do really like him? ” he answers the question with one of his own. one caleb's been almost afraid to know the real answer to, even if the change in jude's behaviour is enough to tell it. “ if you like him, it really doesn't matter what i think. ” words mutter gently, attention turning from jude to focus on putting away some nearby books when it's easier than meeting the other vampire's gaze. “ harper's been good for ada, she helps calm her down — you just came back one day and announced you're seeing some human, was i supposed to be delighted? ”

[silkchvffon]

WATCHING CALEB SWAT JUDE'S FEET OFF OF the desk has jude smiling knowingly. it's the same routine every time, even now, decades later. it's nice to know someone so well, and to be known — it's a luxury neither of them can afford with anyone else. it makes jude feel less doomed when he's sharing eternity with someone like caleb. « oh, i'd never believe that, » he assures the other, and if caleb wanted him here it would prove a challenge for the very reason he's here in the first place: to be nuisance. « what's wrong with you ? » he counters, feigning an offended expression. « this is in our nature, detective. they will never be your neighbors and you can't fault me for being what i am. » eyes bore into the others — they're both monsters, whether they'd like to admit it or not. caleb's dramatic comment makes jude grin. « you'd survive it. » as if jude would ever let anyone, let alone a human, harm caleb: he'd rip the whole town into bits before letting that happen. he's always said that if caleb were to die it would be by his hands, and a promise is a promise. he throws his hands up in surrender, fully intending on never surrendering. « as you wish. but i will spare you the details, detective. isn't investigating your job ? » he has disposed of the body, has even gone to measures to make it look like an animal attack, but that's about the only favor caleb will ever receive.

he knows better than to be surprised by jude instantly making himself at home in his office, the decades that had past seemingly having lead to a what's yours is mine outlook that caleb had long given up with challenging. still, brown eyes fix on the feet propping up on his desk, narrowing gently at jude's ability to find the smallest and yet most irritating act and proceed do it. “ if i start inviting you we run the risk of you misunderstanding and taking it to mean i want you here. ” he mutters almost without thought, attention instead focused on gently swatting the other vampire's shoes away from his desk. “ seriously, what is wrong with you? i just got here. you know, you can't turn up any time i arrive in a new place and start working through my neighbors. ” he sighs back at the offer, attention pulling quickly up as fingers rack back through messy curls “ you're gonna get me lynched. ” exasperation laces the thought, though in truth it ranks rather low on caleb's list of concerns — he's changed his identity frequently enough between towns to make it impossible to string the collection of bodies jude left behind in any form of pattern that connects to either of them. although that didn't stop it from being a pain in the ass. “ don't touch that woman. please. or anyone here — and at least tell me you did something smart to dispose of the body? i'm not cleaning up after you again. you can deal with the cops this time. ”

[silkchvffon]

JUDE WOULD FIND IT ENDEARING, the way caleb so seamlessly slips into his human disguise, if he wasn't also jealous of it. it seems a much more bearable existence than the one he's seemingly doomed himself to, and by now he's convinced there's no use in even attempting to change his diet or lifestyle. why bother ? caleb is probably the most depressing creature in jude's life which doesn't spark much motivation in him to change anything. « you'd like it too much, » jude grumbles, reaching for a pen on caleb's desk and swinging it around his fingers absentmindedly as caleb speaks. « you are company, » he replies simply — stating neither that it's good nor bad, but they both know what he means. it's not hard to find other vampires. it is hard to find others he can tolerate. caleb's insistence is adorable, especially when they both know by now that it's futile. « it is sweet when you demand things, caleb. good for you, » he replies dismissively, condescendingly even, legs again propping themselves up on the other's desk. « or, you could join me. tomorrow the pub downtown is throwing a jazz night. i hate jazz. but jazz musicians make a fine meal, i hear. » playful eyes tease the other expectantly, though jude knows he'll never take that bait. « who knows ? you might even find it fun. »

it's wrong that there's a strange satisfaction that comes with getting a response from jude — it's a side of him that only the other vampire has ever managed to bring out, the desire to illicit some form of reaction just to confirm he can, to be sure he still knows jude like he knows himself. in one way or another they're both just passing time. even when he was human he'd done the same to fill his, trying to give people comfort, to give them answers — the means had changed as the times did, but for just a second it made him feel the same way. he wanted that for jude too, even if he'd learnt decades ago to know better than to try it. “ if i'm starting to piss you off, you could always leave. ” the suggestion falls with little expectation of the outcome, warning from the other vampire as good as ignored when jude has threatened him enough times for caleb to know better than to pay attention. “ then why are you here, other than to cause enough chaos that we both have to move on? ” he shakes his head quickly. “ you're not coming with me wherever i go next, jude — why don't you get out of here now, as you would do anyway. or stay, but you've got to do it my way... no killing, get a job, pick up some hobbies. just try it for a year. ” it's a ridiculous suggestion, one he's already very aware jude won't go for and yet in the grand scheme of their eternal lives it feels a small ask for a few months of peace.

[silkchvffon]

IT WOULD BE ADMIRABLE, the way caleb is so intent on holding on to humanity, if it wasn't so foolish. jude is still waiting for something in caleb to snap — an animalistic urge, a murderous instinct — but his moral compass remains as intact as ever. to jude it's infuriating and exciting all the same. at the mention of his students an undecipherable expression passes on jude's face. it's true that he's never once entertained the thought of harming any of them, but as far as jude's concerned it all comes down to selfish reasons. he's going to live forever — he may as well be entertained in the meantime. the vampire scrunches his nose in disagreement.  « i consider them more like ants. it is amusing to see how their little brains make sense of the world, but i bear them no affection. » meaningful gaze rests on caleb, completely ignoring his rude remark. « and am i not generous for giving you even that ? » he leans back in his seat, unbothered. « for how long are we staying anyway ? » jude swiftly invites himself into any plans caleb may have made already, despite the fact that he is clearly unwelcome. « i'm bored already. »

he can't help but laugh as jude returns the question, head shaking immediately after as his gaze raises back to the other. he's dead, for starters. doomed to feel almost perpetually hungry in the knowledge that were he to ever satisfy it the guilt would consume him instead. then there's the added fear of giving himself away when solving an investigation by hearing something he shouldn't be able to, or by smelling a drop of blood in a way no human can. and yet surely the worst thing, by far, is that his best friend and constant companionship in life, is this. a tornado in vampire form. “ you know, you're lying? ” he hums casually back, brow raising at jude as he takes a moment to study the vampire as he would any client. “ i've seen you with them, your students, the humans you don't eat — somewhere deep down inside there you find them endearing. like a puppy. ” or perhaps it's simply what he wants to believe, that every now and again there's a flicker of something good in jude. either way, and occasionally despite himself, caleb does believe it when he looks at the other. “ i'll survive this conversation too, doesn't mean that i'll enjoy either. ” he quips quickly back as he pushes any momentary affection aside, eyes rolling at the dramatics of the jude's mock surrender and yet the action's not not fond. “ it's not much of an investigation if you've walked in here and admitted to the murder — all you've left me with is creating some story that gives the poor woman a little peace. ”

[silkchvffon]

IT STARTS LIKE A TINGLING, A WARM SENSATION jude can only feel the faintest presence of in a place that already feels ancient within him. he's already moved on to his next victim when he feels it: the tangible shift in the air, an inexplicable lightness around him. his eyes are on caleb, because it is undoubtedly caleb, but jude's mind is elsewhere completely. if there's recognition, tender or brutal, he doesn't show it. he glances at the human again, makes a vague hand gesture that has the head spinning, cracking, and it falls dead to the ground. jude doesn't need the sustenance the body offers anyway. he's not hungry for blood, though he is starved for something. he's been insatiable ever since joining lucius, or perhaps ever since losing caleb. time is a funny thing when you live forever. « i'll kill them, » he states almost robotically because that's what he does — that's what he is. « and then i'll — » gaze flickers uncertainly between caleb and the pile of dead bodies now. then i'll kill you. even the thought feels unholy, a sharp pain shooting through his ribcage at the mere suggestion of violence where caleb is concerned. for just a second — it's so brief jude wonders if perhaps he just imagined it — fear flashes in his mind. for just a second jude is jude again, and then it's gone. whatever he's made of now; it eats at whatever he was before. and still, his hard gaze meets the honeyed hues of the only man he's ever felt complete with and the internal war it's inspiring makes jude snarl with confusion. he looks away, pained expression on his face as his knuckles are curled so tight it hurts. he's a vampire, a monster: hungry for destruction for the sake of feeling something. he will never be anything but a monster. « you need to leave. leave me. »

he can smell the blood from a mile out, decades of suppressing his own urges never completely dulling the way it threatens to awaken something unforgivable deep within him — but today is different. there's something else to focus on, a presence that even from a distance caleb's sure can only be him. it could be any vampire, yet he knows the way the world reacts to jude, how the air moves around him, how the energy changes to a frequency that only they are on. all the smell of blood does is threaten to confirm what he's going to find, a fear that's been eating away at him piece by piece since jude took off, that's stopped him sleeping, taken days of his life to work out where the other is only to be too late for him each time. and while they're been in this situation once before, he doesn't know how it plays out a second time. he isn't sure if this time he'll get him back. it's why for a moment he just stands there, brown eyes staring at the back of the vampire he'd shouted at the last time they were together. the man whose stuff he hadn't touched since he took off, who he'd sworn to the others would eventually come back. he's failed him. caleb knows it as a lifeless body drops to the ground. he'd promised to protect jude from the worst parts of himself, and he hadn't done it. “ you shouldn't be here when they come. ” the words break through the still air. it's a greeting more than it is a real warning, unsure where else to start when jude could want him dead, or no longer recognise him. and he isn't sure which would be worse.