#❛ ✖︎ — ft — m vickridge. °

[silkchvffon]

closed for my love @invcntions.

THE EUPHORIA OF FEEDING AND THE IMMEDIATE guilt afterwards always eats at frances. one would think the passing of time would make it easier, but shame only grows — and this despite the fact that she's doing her very best to go against her own nature. she's quick to return home after, even quicker to dart into the bathroom to wash away the remnants of blood splattered on her hands. she feels it when milo enters, that lingering icy air would've caused goosebumps to grow on her skin if it were possible. she remembers a time where he'd been warm, and soft, and alive. time hasn't made that easier either. « please don't hover, my dear. you know i don't want you seeing me like this, » she calls softly, looking at her lone reflection in the mirror before her glance falls back onto the now red water.

[silkchvffon]

SHE STOPS FOLDING HER CLOTHES at milo's words. frances has been scared he'd ask because she'd rather pretend ryo hadn't said anything at all. death, or whatever this existence might be, has made her bitter where she once was sweet — and still the tiniest flicker of hope remains. it wouldn't be the weirdest thing to happen to them, and she doesn't know ryo to be a liar. « no, » frances still replies, though the comment comes out like a question as she turns to face her fiancé with the ghost of a smile present on her lips. « but perhaps you can just brush against me without me knowing, just to check. »

closed starter for loml @silkchvffon

“ do you believe him? ” the words slip out into the silence lingering between the two, gaze focused on where his hands are wringing gently together before he forces brown eyes up to face her. ryo hadn't exactly stuck around long enough to give them answers, the glimmer of hope in mlio's chest almost afraid to grow when it sounds too good to be true. “ i don't want you to get your hopes up, and, you know — it not work. ” to let frances down. again. when so many people can offer her everything he can't.

[silkchvffon]

SHE'S ALWAYS IN CONSTANT MOURNING. mourning the lives they could've had — filling the days with purpose rather than meaningless wandering. her hand wrapped inside his. a child, maybe two, laughing around a dinner table. falling asleep with her head on milo's chest, strong arms wrapped around her small frame. they're living an illusion of a life, but milo's insistent and patient and hopeful and who is frances to take that away from him ? she wishes she could reciprocate as wholeheartedly, but all she can do is offer a smile. his suggestion makes that smile falter, head shaking vigorously as if the mere thought of even looking at another man is making her panic. milo assuming she'd ever want anyone else makes her desperate. « oh, milo ... no, i would never — » she begins, taking one step towards him, the wish to reach out for him increasing the ache in her chest. « i'm so grateful. please, it's only you. it'll only be you, forever. »

one day. he wants so desperately to tell her, to promise he'll find a way to fix it and be able to take her hand in his own once more. even if he does tell frances, he doesn't suppose she'll believe it — milo can't blame her for that when he's already spent so many decades reaching dead ends, refusing to give up in his own search when what else do they have. with ryo to ask for help it finally feels at least a little closer. “ if you are struggling with hope then i will just have to hold enough for the both of us — only until you are able to get some back. ” milo offers softly. he knows the faint ache in his chest as her hand passes through him is only a memory of a feeling, yet it always feels like more as he forces the smile to remain steady on his lips. “ if you ever want to find someone else until that day comes — i would understand. i'm sure i somehow chose this version of life to stay with you. i know you didn't have that same option. ”

[silkchvffon]

HEARING HIS VOICE HURTS ABOUT AS MUCH as being stabbed in the abdomen. it's the expectation of it — the way frances still expects to be able to turn towards his voice and reach out a hand and feel him. now her name spoken in his tone only serves as a reminder of what they were. the wedding they never got. the family they'll never have. the lives that were stolen from them whilst they were still young and promising and had every opportunity within reach. the desperate want still blooms within her, only overshadowed by her unconditional love for the ghost of a man she once had called home. now she can't even experience the simple joy of serving him a warm meal. « caleb is with me, sometimes, » she points out, turning to face milo. he stands there and looks vigorous, real, and that ever – present lump in her throat is, always, threatening her eyes to spill. « i'm not alone, darling, » she smiles bravely, though it never reaches her eyes. she is alone. she always will be. forever. « but perhaps one day. perhaps it will get easier. » they sure do have the time.

he knows he should give her a moment, though milo hates this part more than anything — her forced acknowledgement of what she is just to stay with him. the fact he can't share in that burden with frances. all he can do is be there, passing quietly into the bathroom as gaze rests on her. “ i just like to see you. ” he hums softly, wishing ( as he always does ) that he could reach out to help wash away the remains of her meal. it doesn't matter how many times they repeat this same routine, he knows it never gets easier for her and knows he can never do anything but watch. “ i wish you'd let me go with you one day, stop you having to be alone out there. ” not that he expects enough time will ever pass for frances to allow it. he hasn't been company in a long time either. still, milo moves round to her side, close enough to feel near and yet not enough to acknowledge that any more and he'll simply pass through.

[silkchvffon]

IT'S LIKE AN IRON FIST HAS CLOSED around her heart, squeezing just for the hell of it. frances knows nothing about vampiric anatomy, but it feels especially unfair to feel heartbreak when her heart is no longer even beating. as if their existence isn't already painful enough without the constant reminder that they may have forever, but with what to fill the time with ? she reaches out a hand, already knowing what the result will be and yet her stomach ties itself with knots of anticipation, the lingering hope that maybe this time ... her hand glides straight through his chest, cold air enveloping her in the process. « for the impossible, » she sighs, hand dropping to her side. « we are fortunate, of course we are, but ... » frances looks up at him, familiar brown gaze meeting her own. « sometimes it's hard ... to remember it. to remember what it felt like when you could still hold me. to still have hope. to still be moving forward. »

milo wonders if she knows that after all these years he can see the smiles she has to force to her lips. that he knows the pitch of her voice when it's strained and can recount the way each familiar line of her features turns both in happiness or in sorrow. the real smiles have felt more frequent since they met the others, yet he knows deep down they aren't for him — the ones for him are still scattered, and even then it's more than he deserves after the eternity he's subjected them both too. “ it does matter. ” he shakes his head gently, wanting nothing more than to take her hand and squeeze it softly to let her know he's there listening. “ tell me, please, what do you wish? ” he'll find a way to offer it to her, has the years ahead of them both to do it, whatever it is. trying to find ways to make her happy at least gives him a purpose while the rest of them can go and interact with the changing world. touch things. speak to people. he'd watch it forever silently if it weren't for frances.

[silkchvffon]

IT SHOULD FEEL LIKE A BLESSING: being able to spend forever with him, having his endless support and unmoving hope to guide her through every day. and some days it is — some days frances can't be grateful enough that she's even sharing a conversation with him. other days it feels like a burden. and still she paints a smile on her face. « yes, dear, » she mutters obediently, attempting a smile as she gazes up at him. the urge to reach out a hand and touch him lingers always, but to attempt to do so will only have her heart crumble into pieces once more. the human heart can take it — will still be beating through it all. her frozen vampire heart ... well, frances is not sure how much more pain it manages to hold. « we are lucky. i just wish ... » voice feels like cotton in her throat. all she can do is continue to smile. « well. it hardly matters. »

it's a strange change in the dynamic to be with others, one milo is still yet to be sure how he feels about — for her it's worth it. frances deserves connection, true company and the chance to experience the world with those who feel it the same way as her. who feel anything at all. the mention of caleb is the reminder that at least this way she isn't alone, even if all it does is show him what he'll never be to her again. “ it will get easier. ” he assures her quickly. milo has to believe that, has to hope his attempts to find magic that can make this better will pay off even if he can't tell her. “ one day i'll be able to take you dancing again, like our first real date — i'll find someone who can dig out our old songs, remind some of this lot what real music used to be like. ” it's hope rather than denial. at least he'd claim so. “ we're lucky, you know. ” he offers gently, warm smile forced to his lips as green-eyed gaze rests firmly on hers. “ who else gets this many lifetimes with the person they love. ”