#❛ ‹ i. &. threads ; s’il vous plait écoute moi. / emma borgès › ❜

[alterlovetm]

@garconlost​ / ig - lucallemant, em.bergs, samedi : 11:06

em.bergs: alors, charles est de retour........................ em.bergs: pensées: eliott nous aiderait à cacher un corps?

[alterlovetm]

' kiss me again ' to EMMA

                         soft sentences  |  @morsurerouge

   there’s a million things happening around them, the vodka in her blood, the flashing light that mika had brought out of nowhere, the music, and she can’t seem to concentrate on just one thing. it is possible that vodka on a sunday night might not have been her best idea, but manon needed to let go a bit, and lucas needed to let go a bit, and well, she’s always down to drink.  but then manon had kissed her.  she doesn’t know if it means anything, real, and she certainly won’t do anything beyond kissing, she doesn’t have the dexterity to even attempt anything else right now, but kissing.   manon kissed her.   she thinks she stares at manon for a long time after they pull away, and mika is drunk and lucas is drunk and she doesn’t know if lisa drinks but lisa is probably drunk, and it’s all very – flashy.  manon looks beautiful, but then again, manon always looks beautiful.  

     ❝ – okay.❞  oh, she’s dumb sometimes, and she doesn’t want to stand anymore, she thinks she’ll fall over, and so there’s a bit of stumbling and moving around lucas, who doesn’t seem to be particularly concerned about if her and manon are kissing, so that’s nice. (why would he, she reminds herself, she can like girls, she can like manon, and he can have eliott, and they can all be happy.)   she’s pulling manon so she sits on the couch, too, by emma, and it’s nice to sit, she doesn’t like as much of the room is spinning, and she can let her hand rest against manon’s cheek and look at her and lean in and kiss her. it’s different than when she makes out with alex when she’s drunk. manon is different. manon’s lips are so soft against her’s and her skin is soft under her hand, and it’s just – it’s manon.  a hand moves to manon’s waist to keep her steady, so maybe they don’t push backwards and lean against lucas to kiss, because that, he might have an issue with.   when she pulls away this time, it’s not very far, she’s just making sure manon can hear when she asks, ❝ est-ce bien? tu vas bien?❞  as drunk as she might be, she still knows what happened the last time manon got drunk, and she doesn’t want manon to regret anything.  ❝ je – ❞ her words have disappeared, she doesn’t know what she was going to say. maybe something about manon’s lips or maybe her hair, or maybe – emma doesn’t know. she just feels a lot better, now, and hopes that manon feels better. (that lucas feels better, but her focus right now is manon, not lucas.) 

[alterlovetm]

                   small compliments  |  @morsurerouge​  |  “You look really pretty today ” 

    ❝ tu pense? ❞   she looks down at her outfit,  not the best one she’s ever had, and certainly nothing like the ones she’s worn to parties that manon has been with her at.  she’s noticing her shoes are scuffed and there’s a stain on her jeans which she tries to hide with her jacket.    ❝ je ne sais pas, manon.  t'es très belle, aujourd'hui, aussi. ❞    but she’s smiling, now, because it’s nice to hear manon compliment her, especially with manon always being so put together.      ❝ c’est ma chemise préférée,  aimes-tu? ❞   she’s been trying to kind of make her wardrobe a bit more interesting, since sometimes she feels like she always wears the same thing, or the same kind of thing,  but she can’t get away from just jeans and one of her t-shirts that have been softened by years of fabric softener.  she’s trying something new with the jeans, they’re not levis, this time, and they’re what her mom called   something we would’ve worn back in my day   so ━ whatever that means.   maybe manon will think they’re cool and like -- vintage, or something.   ❝ mon jeans est nouveu,  est-ce qu'ils  cool?  ou, très ━ chic?  ❞   if manon thinks they’re cool, then they’re cool and she might not feel so awkward. 

[alterlovetm]

@morsurerouge  cont.

❝ you don’t have to apologize. you’re okay.❞  she seriously doesn’t care how slow they go; she blames herself, for maybe pushing too much, or — something.  ❝ i’m glad you made it clear that you're uncomfortable.❞  she’s so glad that manon didn’t pretend to be okay, didn’t just let emma keep going. she doesn’t reach out to hold manon’s hand, to comfort her, to hug her like she might have before.  she doesn’t want to make things worse.  ❝ i know. that’s crazy, because i love you.❞  so much. and that’s why it hurts to see manon hurting. and to know that she doesn’t quite know how to help.  ❝ just tell me how to help.❞  a pause, and she’s reaching for her shirt. pulling it back on.  ❝ i could go get mika or — lisa — or lucas or — i don’t know.❞  she’s glad they’re just across the hall from everyone manon is closest to. 

[alterlovetm]

❝ He doesn’t care about anything. ❞ @ emma

             the smiths sentences  |  @morsurerouge 

   a moment, she breathes in, and she has such conflicting feelings about charles, and charles and manon, and charles and manon moving to london, and – she sighs.  she hadn’t meant to. shifts a little closer to manon. this isn’t her strong suit: she does her best to provide as much emotional support as she can to her friends, but she tends to be a little awkward around this. she doesn’t know if the white lies she could say would be better than what she’s worried is the hard truths that manon has probably been thinking.  ❝ il ne t'a pas appelé?❞ she’s afraid she knows the answer. the answer that lies in manon’s distance from everyone, manon’s tired eyes. ❝ il se soucie.❞ it feels like a lie; she knows that she doesn’t know everything about manon in london, but the bits and pieces of what was really going on that manon let slip in insta posts or in vague messages to their group chat… it feels like she’s lying to manon.  ( it feels mean to think, because manon had seemed so happy, but she has thought more than once that there’s no way charles munier can feel anything real for anyone.)  she’s not good at this, she feels like she’s going to make it worse if she tries to confirm that charles does care about her. ❝ peut-être qu'on ne pense pas à lui, ce soir.❞   her voice trails off a little in the middle of what she’s saying, because she knows, she knows that manon must want to talk about it. but she doesn’t know … what to say. 

   ❝ ou … peut-être t’as bension appelé lui, à voir s’il –❞ she thinks she must be staring at manon, but maybe she’s just watching to make sure she’s not making things worse, because if manon cries, it’s going to be terrible to see. ❝ – veut parler ou s'il décroche même le téléphone, parce que s'il ne le fait pas, c’est –❞ she stumbling around for words because she’s really not good at this. she tries her best. she hates seeing manon so tired and distant and it makes her want to call up charles herself and give him an ultimatum on manon’s behalf.  ❝ ce n’est pas de ta faute, manon, s’il est,❞ she tries to swallow back any mean analyses of charles, ❝ comme, quoi qu'il fasse.” she wants to put her arms around manon and just hug her until she doesn’t have to worry about charles. it’s not a fix, she knows that, but she thinks it might help.  ❝ nous soucions de toi.❞ this is a fact: she cares about manon, and daphné and imane and alex, they all care about manon. she has to make sure manon remembers that. charles doesn’t matter (she thinks, but she knows that he does matter.) ❝moi, et daphné, et imane, et alex, et  mika, et lisa. lucas. tout le monde. nous tous soucions de toi, beaucoup.❞ she vocalizes it, reminding manon of all the people who are there for her even if charles hasn’t been. ❝ nous soucions même s'il ne le fait pas.❞ 

[alterlovetm]

❛ i’m tired of being my best. ❜ @ emma frm manon ( morsurerouge )

 softer world sentences  | @morsurerouge

     ❝manon.❞   she doesn’t really know what to say.  she’s not that good with having perfect things to say,  manon normally knows how to say the right things.  but she can do this:  her arms wrap around her friend, pulling her close and giving her some kind of comfort that maybe her words can’t.   ❝ tu n’as pas à parfait, tout le temps.❞   and it makes her think – think of how people say that someone can be beautiful when they cry.   that’s not true,  no one is beautiful when they cry,  maybe she’s just realizing this.  it might be something that boys like to say to give a reason for making girls cry.  manon is not beautiful when she cries; she’s beautiful when she’s smiling and happy and not like this.   it stabs emma, her heart hurts for manon.  ❝ je suis désolé, manon.❞          her hands rub manon’s back, carefully, like how she would like to be consoled.  ❝t’as bien, ça ira. je te promet.❞  it’s possible that manon’s lipstick might rub off a little onto her shirt, or – that’s okay.  it’s worth it if manon is comforted.   ❝tu vuex sécher cet apès-midi?  je peux t’achete le déjeuner.❞  

[alterlovetm]

❝ do you smell that? ❞ to emma frm manon ( morsurerouge ) it's um perfume

     5 senses sentences   |  @morsurerouge 

          is it – whatever she chose, she didn’t even read the label properly, or is it manon’s perfume that emma would love to smell every day?  ❝ je peux. mon dieu, mais c’est moi ou toi?❞     it’s overwhelming being this close to manon, and she’s pretty sure her attempt at putting on manon’s perfume has resulted in way too much being put on her skin, and it certainly is poignant.   they’re  so close   just standing in manon’s room,  and she moves a bit closer.  they must be close enough, they must be  close  enough for her to reach and trace her fingers over the side of manon’s neck,   ❝ où suis-je censé le mettre sur mon cou,❞  she feels pretty nervous for someone who normally isn’t nervous with people she’s attracted to.  but this isn’t yann, or a tinder boy, or –  it’s manon.   it’s manon.   ❝j'ai mis trop de ton parfum.❞  her fingers trace up to push manon’s hair behind her ear,  ❝tu peux me montrer, correctement.❞   all of her stupid tinder boys and talking about hooking up with boys at parties, all of this melts away, it seems foolish and all that she cares about is manon.  she wants manon to touch her and to kiss her and she wants manon’s lipstick to be smudged because she’s kissed her, and she wants – she only wants manon,  who cares about boys.   she’s working on only doing things she wants, only having people around her that make her feel good.    she wants to kiss manon,  so – she’s bending down a little, moving forward enough to press her lips against manon’s.  

[alterlovetm]

“You keep staring at me instead of watching the film. What’s up?” @ emma frm manon ( morsurerouge )

soft starters  |  @morsurerouge​ 

     ❝ rien ━❞   she says it too quickly, averting her gaze even quicker.  it’s a drop of her stomach when she realizes manon caught her looking, and it’s not ━ she’s not staring, no.  (except she is.)   ❝ juste,  tu es bien habillé pour nous regardeons un film.❞   it’s an excuse, she can say this because manon still has on her lipstick,  she has on a manon-esque put-together outfit, and emma feels a bit under-dressed in her own house, with her joggers.  ❝ ton ━❞   her heart is in her throat and she tries not to look at manon’s lips, but she can’t help herself.   ❝ton rouge à lèvres, tu n’avais besion pas porter il ━ c’est chill ici.❞  though, she’s glad that manon wears it.  it suits her.   

    here’s the thing: it’s not like emma has lain awake, thinking of what it would be like to kiss manon.  it’s not that.   (she’s staring again, and ignoring the movie that they’ve been watching.)  she hasn’t lain awake thinking about it, it hasn’t kept her up,  it’s just ━ laid in her mind while she drifts off and maybe, maybe she’s thought about it when they’re doing partner work in spanish.  but that’s all.    ❝ t'es comfortable? ❞    she wants to hold manon’s hand.   ( okay, maybe she also wants to kiss manon,  but she doesn’t want to━just do that, without asking manon if she can, but she’s too afraid to ask.)     for a minute, the sound of the movie is the only thing she can hear.    ❝ um ... ❞   her hand drops from where it was resting on her lap,  to sit beside her thigh,  just ━ just in case.   ❝ le film?  t’aimes?❞    she’s trying to put attention back on the movie, not on her, or how she still can’t get her gaze to focus on the movie for very long at all.   

[alterlovetm]

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