#❄️: never a shoulder to cry on (icehaloed) / thread

[emperorvastias]

there was never a time more than this moment that lyon has felt the CLOSEST to ice. the chill he used to find comfort in wrapped itself around his chest in a frigid squeeze. his heart seemed to be going too fast it felt slow, just as the air left his mouth. no amount of forewarning (and there was NOT a lot) could have ever truly prepared him for this moment. he only knew his mouth closed when he swallowed the nothing in his throat.

before lyon was ur. who was ice. ice that he melted. but it wasn't some believable ice sculpture — she was breathing. and looking at him, too. he wondered if she was as caught off as he was.

this was lyon vastia — his wits were about him. he was quite good at math, thank you, so the truth was apparent right away. ur has been alive for some time. her clothes were her own style, not rushed at all, her sister (she so was the right feldt, afterall) set him up like this. that took planning. ultear must know, too, because how wouldn't she? did gray know, too? was lyon's trip to galuna really worth that much resentment? how could he possibly face her now, as a man, with that shadow looming over him? was he even allowed to be upset because of that?

"...ah." lyon forced something like a word out of his mouth. he cursed himself inwardly and shook his head. "forgive me, i ... it takes a lot to believe at first, even if adina gave me some warning." there was nothing to truly warn about this situation and he hoped they both knew it.

@icehaloed

[emperorvastias]

it was good to see him. that surprised lyon; enough so that he began to feel his heartbeat again. his body has now settled into this newness. he had faced hells of his own making and of others making, he almost died in an explosion, fought against dragons (rather futilely, for he was no slayer), fought against the mere memory of ur now and all the worst humanity had to offer from alvarez. and yet, he was here. with ur. he did not want to fight.

fighting was rarely ever his first instinct, only when it was forced upon him by circumstance did he choose it. he was an inquisitive type. lyon first wanted to understand what he did not. in the years since he last saw ur, he spoke more languages, ancient ones too, and has read many, many more texts than even the child version of him could have imagined. it was knowledge he wanted. always. it was all he needed.

"yes...it is good." that was no lie. "whether it was a miscalculation of the spell or some outside influence, i am happy it happened." this made the fact that ultear was alive and a free-ish woman all the better. his mouth twitched into some sort of smile at that, remembering the quite frankly, rude words he once spoke. the audacity of youth. lyon didn't have that now. he didn't want to bombard her with questions as he might have done yet he also didn't want to talk about himself. he didn't know what the play was to make her not feel incredibly overwhelmed. there was no real way of handling this, was there? perhaps a crack at honesty may help. "...i don't know what to say, to be honest, ur. should i .... crack a joke? apologize? ask you questions?" he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "what .... do you want from me, here?"

The more things changed, the more they stayed the same. A common saying, but one that had truth to it. Ur---Ur who had mastered the art of freezing things---just wished it was not true to this extent. Lyon should have been allowed to find more peace of mind. She did not think that had been possible for him, and guilt surged within her veins once more. She should have done better---for him, but that had not been possible at the time. In some way, the deck had been stacked against them.

She rubbed her wrist as if she tried to smoothe out the faint little scar that had remained there from moving debris, all those years ago, right after Deliora had devasted Gray's hometown. It was strange how that scar had stayed. How she was not allowed to forget some things. There was another scar on her left knee, and that was the one she loathed. A reminder of the collapse.

'' It has been longer for you than for me, I'd wager, '' she said as she forced herself to keep her voice smooth and calm. Getting too emotional would mean to risk being emotionally manipulative, and she did not want to do that. '' . . . but it is good to see you, Lyon. ''

This much had to be allowed, right?

[emperorvastias]

it was almost astonishing how quickly one can slip back into an old, old habit. it was one that, when thought of, made adult lyon cringe just a bit. the habit is the part of him that waited on the edge, eager to listen, to wait for ur too talk. his attention was focused, he felt impatient, each second an eternity. but he always waited. all the way back then, when she was his teacher and now, when she ... well, teacher is a rather retired title. he's learned how to learn and grow on his own now. his dynamic ice make has come a long, long way.

mother felt...personal. and legal. he's never called her that.

mentor, maybe. mentor could work. it was flexible, more mature. his mentor finally spoke and — lyon was left in confusion.

"ur..." lyon's brows furrowed, "why would i be angry with you?" it was genuine. he ... he made his own fair share of mistakes. his entire...moon drip experiment was dangerous. what could he be angry about? with ur, at least? in fact, he's let go of a lot of anger over the years.

ah, wait. "if it's about .... not contacting me, that's .... i mean, i get it, ur. you literally came back to life. i'm not on the top of the list of priorities after something like that, i get it. besides, i'm an adult now." something coiled within him and he crossed his arms over his chest.

lyon's thoughts lingered back to The argument. surely, she knew he learned from that? right? she didn't die originally thinking he still thought himself as a replacement, right? it distressed him a bit, but he found himself not willing to ask.

Nothing could break her the way her children could, it seemed---and as she had died, the bar had been raised quite high. Still. She knew that she had done Lyon wrong. She knew that her defence was weak, fragile. Insufficient. Inadequate. None of this had been supposed to happen, but her plans had come undone---fate had not unfolded the way she would have liked. The spindle that she had lost her grip on had unspooled, but everything had slipped out of her control.

There had been no sense of peace for her. The cut had been too deep. And it had been left to fester, there had been no healing. The silence and the peace of the woods had rejected her, there had been nothing for her to escape to. The serenity of nature had not sheltered her when she had needed it the most. She had travelled down the road of grief for such a long time that she had been beyond hope, but she had still wanted to try. Alas---she had been out of time. Out of good moves.

And Lyon had paid the price for that. Even then, such a long time ago, he had been too eager to shoulder the burden of responsibility. It had worried her then, and it seemed like this concern had not evaporated when she had. He had been supposed to go out into the world she had been hiding from. He had been supposed to go into a life where light filled every corner.

Sharp teeth dug into her lip, almost drawing blood. '' I truthfully don't know how to engage in a conversation like this myself, Lyon. And, ah----I've never been good at talking. For me, the simplest thoughts are sometimes hardest to phrase, '' she responded quietly. Honestly. It was not simple for her. She was a terrible liar, but that was because her tongue was made from lead rather than silver. '' And no, there's nothing you have to apologise for. Quite the opposite, I expected you to be angry with me. ''

[emperorvastias]

evidence-based. yes. that was something lyon was still rather infamous for. it was nice to know that habit was ingrained long before he was desperate, measuring the ice husk — no, it was not a husk, it was her. was this always a fact or was it born of desperation? he was, again, no longer sure. it would depend on how much consciousness his teacher had when she was ice. that was something he both needed to know and it was knowledge that he should absolutely not have. why was it the same decisions that continued to haunt?

besides. he could still do the math and facts add up all too easily for lyon. she probably knew enough about what he had done; his hand in the unmaking of her last choice — for she did not reach out to him on purpose. she was pushed into this. shame gripped his figure yet he disguised it with a raise of an eyebrow — a false casualty to this encounter — "i originally thought she might be connected to you, but dismissed it as the name is popular. i should follow my instincts more."

he didn't need her to tell him that; she was freed of her obligations to him. he should not be bitter. lyon was a better person now, he had to be. he attempted to uncurl himself, breathe out and let the chill pass on by. "hello, all the same, ur. it's ah ... been a while."

On one of the many tracks that made up her mind, Ur found herself wondering if killing her sister would mean that the Church would stop with their insistence that she was a saint.  Perhaps, perhaps not. It was a little tempting either way, but she set the thought aside as she beheld her first student. The kid that she had adopted, about twenty years ago. One thing was quite apparent---Lyon was no longer a scrawny kid, advertising his skill at making grilled cheese.

( The thought almost caused hysterics, but she managed to breathe past that. )

In some ways, ways that could not be put into words, she had dreaded this reunion more than most others. Lyon, she supposed, was the one her 'death' had toppled into the worst crisis. And she had not gotten to say goodbye---Gray had had at least that much, not that she thought it had helped him much. And Lyon had deserved the goodbye just as much, but nothing had been fair---or according to plan, that day.

She ran a hand through her hair, blue eyes never leaving Lyon. She would not need Ice Make: Eden to cut through this unpleasant awkwardness, she thought. Words had never been her forte, but she would have to say something. She wished Adina had given her a fair chance to prepare for this, but Adina had always been one to swim in sink-or-swim scenarios. And her older sister knew that if Ur would wait until she felt that she had prepared a sufficient statement, years would pass.

Coughing twice, she cleared her throat and managed a tiny smile. '' Dina is usually trustworthy, but I know you're an evidence based person, '' she said quietly. '' It was a surprise to me as well. ''