#✧ * 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 » jane facciano

[wasntfaira]

SUSAN HAD BECOME A PART OF JANE'S DAILY -- for a long time , she was just buddy's annoying ex-girlfriend. susan seemed dead-set on ruining jane's life , so jane came hyper-aware of where susan was at all times ; what she was doing , who she was talking to , what kind of threat she posed. SURVIVAL ONE-OH-ONE ! after a while , her observations of susan became less prey like &* more ... well , sometimes she was downright just admiring her. susan has always been the perfect , dictionary image of what a good girl- next-door , all-american , white christian girl looked like. so starkly different than nerdy , opinionated jane. she felt so directly contrasted next to susan in regards to buddy ; so in opposition to her when parents were eyeing them. she was who jane's mom wanted her to be. who she'd never be. if not by choice , then simply by circumstance.

but now , susan was not an adversary. the election was over ; both girls were single. for all the ways they would never be each other , it made them more interesting. at least it did in jane's eyes. it's why , as her gaze lifts from the books in her locker to the blonde who's just spoken beside her , she can honestly look at her with an open heart. SHE DOES NOT HATE SUSAN ST. CLAIRE. far from it. she does hate how far on different ends of the spectrum she &* everyone else has put them. for that , she has regrets. it's also why she can honestly say -- ❛ i forgive you ❜ without a moment's hesitation. standing near susan before caused her anxiety to spike simply from feeling threatened -- but then , why is her heart still pounding ? susan is not a threat. if anything , it's the blonde that looks downright nervous next to jane. so why ... ?

she clears her throat a bit as she feels her next words get slightly lodged. her hand is gripping the door of her locker , but otherwise , she looks relatively unphazed. ❛ i don't blame you. we --- we all got a little nasty. i'm definitely not blame-free. ❜

@wasntfair susan st. clair had dedicated every waking moment to the pursuit of perfection— the pursuit of being a perfect daughter, perfect student, perfect girlfriend, a perfect girl. yet, it seemed that her efforts had never quite worked in her favor. she constantly fell short of her mother's expectations, her grades had slipped from straight a's to a mix of a's and b's during the election season and her breakup with buddy and his continuous dismissal of her advances had further emphasized that she wasn't who he wanted (but heavens, could susan blame him?) . amidst those shattered hopes one thing was clear, the only vision of perfection that susan could see was jane facciano (she tries not to think of the implications that come from this realization). yes, the one and only jane facciano that was standing across the room (and that susan hadn't realized that she had been staring at for heaven knows how long.)

her tongue licks at suddenly dry lips, her feet moving toward the brunette almost against susan's own will. standing in front of her it felt as if her heart was about to beat straight out of her chest. "hi," she uttered, the simple word escaping with a hint of weakness, and with more awkwardness than she'd ever like to admit. her blue eyes taking in the other girl for a moment before she continues, "i—I'm sorry. for everything."

@wasntfair

[wasntfaira]

@angeldored ▐ WHAT DOESN'T SHE WANT ? there's too much to pin it all down. every time she tries to get something she wants , it all crashes back down to earth. ( sometimes , there was even an I TOLD YOU SO said in the back of her mind , pointedly in her mothers voice. ) was it better to want for nothing at all ? to swallow every desire down &* just wait for life to lay out her safe options ? keep her grades up , but not too high as to make the boys feel inferior. keep her hair polished &* prim , to show she keeps on top of good , proper hygiene. iron her dresses. buff her heels. learn to cook &* clean &* whistle while you work so her future husband wouldn't raise a hand to her to have to do any work at home -- if she thinks too long &* hard , she gets mighty dizzy.

school council is one thing. boys were another. the only thing that makes a lick of sense anymore is her friends. even they were new &* scary in their own right. but more than that -- deep under the ease of finding people who liked you for you ? a new want. one she's never fathomed before. it doesn't really make sense in her head. it started when she found herself staring at olivia's lips when she talked -- in near the same way she used to watcg buddy &* richie talk. if that was from wanting to kiss them , then did this mean the same thing ? the idea stirs something in the pit of her stomach , &* a wave of images in her mind that her mother would absolutely douse in holy water.

so now , wide doe eyes stare at her friend , unsure where to take her statement. ❛ I WANT SOMETHING TO MAKE SENSE. anything , really. at this point , statistically , i think i'm owed like --- one good thing. ❜ hands rub together , fingers interlock as knuckles crack anxiously. she can't stop looking at olivia.

❛ I WANT --- ? ❜ she takes in a sharp breath &* tries to refocus , brows pinching together as she forces her gaze to match olivia's. she might notice jane's eyes are a little blurry &* red ; not completely wasted , but certainly drunk. ❛ i want [...] what i can't have. ❜ her hands come up to cup the girls face , thumbs brushing her cheeks as she smiles sadly over at her , hands squishing olivia's cheeks together. it could be construed as a drunk girl being overly affectionate with her friend ! certainly not just any excuse for jane to touch her -- ❛ isn't that the saddest thing ever ? to want someone so bad ------- er ... something ! ------- &* know you'll never get it ? it might just drive me crazy. ❜ her smile falters as she drops her hands &* instead turns her gaze back to the bottle of tequila between them. ❛ sometimes i'm jealous of cynth. i mean , her biggest want was a jacket. &* her dad didn't even bat a lash ! oh , what would my ma say if she could read my mind ---- ?! ❜

@worthkeepin ( jane ): i want more, and i know i shouldn’t.

BREATH  HITCHES, imperceptible  to  anyone  but  herself.  hazel  eyes  widen  for  a  fraction  of  a  second  before  delicate  features  school  back  into  simple  concern.  concern  for  her best  friend  – she  doesn't  even  know  what  jane  is  talking  about.  it  could  be  about anything,  no  reason  to  be  so  nervous.

  ❛  what  – um  – ❜  olivia  valdovinos  speechless.  she's  sure  richie  would  make  fun  of  her  if  he  saw  her  now,  but  then  again  he'd  probably  be  more  mad  she  was  feeling  this  way  towards  jane  anyway,  ❛  what  do  you  mean?  why  shouldn't  you?  ❜

[wasntfaira]

jane wouldn't admit this aloud , but there was a part of her that was grateful cynthia &* nancy canceled on them. she loved them dearly , but if forced to choose , she'd pick olivia in a heartbeat. it was hardly even a choice -- something her mind never felt torn on , if she were honest. honesty was something jane was lacking , at least in terms of people pleasing or just with herself in general. in that way , she'd never tell her other friends that she craved olivia's undivided attention. that she felt a certain jolt around her that didn't exist with the others -- that only existed previously with buddy &* richie &* the boys back home. what that meant , jane wasn't real sure -- all she knew is her mother wouldn't approve. that must mean she shouldn't pay mind to it , so she doesn't.

for the most part , that's easy enough. with richie gone , focus on buddy. but buddy didn't feel quite right anymore. what did feel right ? olivia sitting next to her on this bed. her friends. so she was sticking close to them !

olivia's voice draws her from her aimless staring into space. her mind has wandered the longer the night has trailed on. they talked so often that sometimes it was hard to think of anything else to say. her parents couldn't afford to put a tv in her room , so it all boiled down to having to entertain themselves. what could she do with olivia that would entertain her ? she'd let the thought linger in her mind a little too long , so it was nice to be snapped back to reality. ❛ hm ? ❜ doe eyes blink as she refocuses. ❛ oh , gee. ❜ she can't help but laugh a little as she smiles sheepishly. ❛ to be honest with you , i think i'm more confused on how i feel about everything than i ever was before. ❜

@wasntfair

if you had asked olivia, she would have described love as a peculiar feeling. the books she had read painted it as something beautiful and flowery, quite unlike the sensation that she had now which left her feeling queasy, yearning to escape and find a place where nobody would witness her just so she could cry her eyes out and hopefully figure things out. then again, her literary repertoire hadn't covered the intricacies of falling for her best friend, who, to complicate matters, had a history with her twin brother.

unfortunately for her, she couldn't run away or cry; she had to sit there on jane's bed during a sleepover, which she honestly was starting to regret agreeing to. she had been under the impression that all the girls would have been involved, but apparently, they all had other plans, and it ended up being just the two of them in a bed which felt like it was getting smaller and smaller as the night went on. long fingernails tap at the bowl of popcorn in her hands, before she clears her throat to speak. "how do you feel?" and then there's was a pause because she isn't sure what exactly she's asking. how she felt at the moment? after everything that had happened? about her? no—she pushed that last thought to the back of her mind, hoping it would never resurface. there were a lot of things that olivia could accept, but that? she couldn't even bear to think about it. in fact, she shouldn't think about it. it wasn't right, was it? she wasn't sure, but it seemed like there was a lot she wasn't sure about lately. in fact, there was only one thing that she knew and that was that it was just like her to go and mess things up by falling in love with her best friend—the one person she wanted but was sure she couldn't ever have. "i mean it's been...a hell of year here at rydhell." she's still not quite certain that's what she actually meant but, it's good enough for now.

@wasntfair